Redemption

 

Female Impersonator
Kim Christy. 

Redemption is a largely vague term, and I am oversimplifying it for use here, but I do use it to describe the very few humans are ever given the chance to stop our lives and start all over again.

Fortunately, transgender women and transgender men are part of the very few who can put the brakes on their life, stop and then start over. In my life, I was always trying to outrun my gender dysphoria and was usually going too fast to slow down. Let alone stop. Another problem was, when I did slow down enough to look around, I became scared and then sped up again so essentially, I was just chasing my own tail.

As I did, I just eventually learned, I was just where I belonged. On my way to my dream of living full time as a transgender woman. I can not stress enough, how paranoid I was of ever reaching my dream. The massive hurdles of family (spousal approval), friends and jobs always come to mind.

Redemption for me also meant when I transitioned into a feminine world, I needed to do it in a graceful way. I certainly did not want to be one of the mean, frustrated older women I knew in my life. I always thought those women suffered from large amounts of testosterone gained in their lives when their estrogen naturally goes down. I had already suffered from testosterone poisoning through much of my life and never wanted to go back. I was fortunate when I learned my inner feminine woman believed the same ideas I had, and she was very gracious when she was finally released to lead her own life. She had the chance to experience the world in a positive way and did. She was able to get along well as she sought out the guidance, she needed to enter a dark new world and give it light anyway.

Fear turned out to be my powerful motivator and, as difficult as it was, I used it to my advantage. I guess it worked because my world opened in a magical way. I also can’t stress enough how my appearance only was a starting point, and I had to use it only to open very basic doors. Then when I went through those doors, I needed to begin to carve out a real life as a transgender woman. Much of my new life started when I picked up my dog and moved in with my future wife Liz in Cincinnati. My biggest example was when Liz and I began to go to various “Meet Up” groups and I began to meet strangers for the first time in different settings. I went to craft groups, writer’s groups and even a knitting group or two. The bottom line was I was able to build my confidence in my new self, and I highly recommend “Meet Up” groups if any exist in your area.

Through it all, I was prepared for rejection but only really received it once when Liz and I went to a lesbian Valentine’s Dance years long ago. At the dance, I was busy minding my own business when this evil woman comes up to me and started to be very nasty. She kept asking me what my “real” name was. It took a while to rid myself of her bigoted self, but I managed to before Liz came back with appetizers from the serving line. In all the time I had dealing with the lesbian community, this woman was the only gender bigot I ever had to directly deal with. I am/was fortunate.

I feel redemption was not as severe as it could have been. During my life in my male years, I did my best to be kind to others, especially in the LGBTQ community all the way to hiring a transgender waitress at one of the restaurants I managed. Even though she was a natural for the job, when I left, the next manager ended up running her off the job. I also had to deal with bigoted guests in another restaurant I managed when they refused to be waited on by a gay waiter. Instead, I told them to leave. Anytime I could, I tried to pay my experiences forward to a time I would need it.

Another very important set of lessons I learned by working in the food business was how cisgender women navigated their worlds when they were basically under stress. Or, how important it was for the women to form cliques when men formed teams. The importance of being accepted by an alpha female was not lost on me when I transitioned into transgender womanhood.

Speaking of transgender, today is the birthday of my oldest grandchild who also happens to be a trans graduate of The Ohio State University. They are pursuing a career as a civilian in the Navy this fall, so I am very proud! They are a nuclear engineer.

Happy Birthday.

Also, thanks to Susie Jay for writing in and commenting on the blog! It’s good to have you along. I agree with your question about Kim Christy. I had forgotten about them as a female impersonator. It's a term I saw in the Wikipedia reference on Kim. Been awhile since I have used it.  

 

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Morning Edition"

Ker Plunk! Another Sunday edition has hit your virtual porch and it's time to get started.

Page One.- The Week in Review.  Last week we covered the fact the transgender community has an unemployment number twice the national average. Now though, it is possible the light at the end of the tunnel is not the train and certain groups are trying to help the situation. In fact there were actually TGLBQ job fairs recently in San Franscisco and Salt Lake City which sort of tied in with our mention of transphobia in rural America.  Shelle was kind of enough to detail her experiences concerning the lack of resources many TGLBQ women and men have in smaller less populated areas-including job fairs.

Slime Paul

Allyson Robinson

Of course my favorite slime ball Rude Paul was back in the news with his show's use of the She Male term. Supposedly  Glaad backed down the producers of the show and they made some sort of half apology. Similar to the vague tripe GM's top person is rolling out. Perhaps you all have heard,  the slime slick is heading UK's way. A version of Rude's show is coming.

Page Two.- Positives!  In much more pleasant news, an upcoming documentary which includes transgender military personnel from the US and the UK is in the works.  Just the fact transgender vet Allyson Robinson's name is attached, gives the project much more respect.

Also, transgender model Geena Rocera's "Gender Proud" video was a resounding success with over a half a million hits in the first couple of days.

Last but not least,  we mentioned "Auckland's" Amy Brosnahan who decided to enter a beauty contest down under because she wanted to spread the word for young transgender women.

Page Three.- Accepted!  I don't believe, during this week of chasing my tail, I have passed along the fact I have been accepted for the second year in a row to be a workshop presenter at this year's Trans Ohio Symposium.  I figure I must not have embarrassed myself too much if I got invited back!!!

Page Four.- We Got Mail.   In a post called "If it Walks like a Duck, Looks like a Duck and talks like a Duck...is it a duck? , we briefly jumped into the murky waters of what made a trans woman feel secure as a woman.  And we received this comment from Marian:



I've found that gender is as much of a social construct as it is a physical body construct. We, as a species, are cued into "gender" based on certain obvious and not so obvious signals. But when the signals are not presented strongly in one direction or another, confusion will result. For example, Julia Sweeney developed an androgynous character, Pat, whose gender id couldn't be determined - and the associated skits had fun with the miscues... Take that character and strengthen the cues slightly towards one gender or the other, and androgyny would be taken away - yet, the person could still be gender queer and presenting in a gender opposite from what she/he was born into....

Thanks Marian! and I agree. In fact I'm growing to the point where I am sure gender is a total social construct. Also, I like the reference to "Pat". Shown at the left.

Well kids, time to finish my Sunday morning "Cop O Joe" and get the dog out for her walk.

You are all my "fave's" for stopping by the Condo!!!! Thanks to all!!!

What's In a Name Part 12

We have bounced the idea's of how we "renamed" ourselves here in Cyrsti's Condo more than a couple times and I promise not to bore you again with this post.  (Better said than done!)

Many of you have sent in comments about how you came to choose the feminine moniker you now use. Idea's such as, family names, women you admire or even the sound of the name are equally as relevant.  I have written how I impulsively chose Cyrsti one night (pronounced Krysti) when I was at the very beginning of considering transitioning from a cross dresser to a transgender woman.  The name caught on before I could consider the ramifications of what I was doing because it is simple enough for the public to use ...if they don't have to spell it plus (I never considered) how the unique spelling allows it to be found in internet search engines.

I have also have written here about my desire to choose another name, which comes from a respected family member from my youth. The name is Jessie and ironically was my grandfathers name. The poetic justice is, my long deceased grandfather was a strong well respected man in his community. Leave it to me, right?

Last week, I even brought the subject up of changing gender markers as the next tier of my transition process with my partner Liz.  Having the "steel trap mind" she thinks she has, it took her approximately a day to mention when I was going through the process, it would be a "now or never" moment to do the name thing.  Don't tell her I said this, but she is right, the synergy is there.  Over the years, I have known any number of transgender women who went by one name before SRS and one after.  Just because I'm not going through the physical torment of changing my genetalia, I am taking all the final legal steps to wipe "male" off my records.

Then, the more I thought of it, I'm not the "social butterfly" I used to be and am slowly but surely moving to a new area, so why wouldn't it be a good time for an appropriate name change?  Doesn't matter anyhow, there are more than a couple peeps out there who would love to use less appropriate names with me than the ones I just mentioned.

It's just a new take on the old theme, "you can call me Cyrsti, or you can call me Jessie", just don't call me tranny, she male, dude, it, or a-hole!

Not Fun

It was bound to happen, as we all know, life is not all kicks and giggles.

The weekend began innocently enough. I packed up my dog and we made the two hour trip to Cincinnati to spend and extended weekend with Liz.  Of course Thursday, I was running slightly ahead of yet another super storm spreading across the country.  All I had to deal with was rain.  Friday we had a mix of every winter moisture Mother Nature could come with...UGLY.

Saturday, we relaxed and worked around the house until it was game time and we headed out to her nearby neighborhood tavern to watch my Buckeyes LOSE.  It has always been an idea I could never wrap my mind around...but last night, they simply got out played.  However, we were enjoying each other until  drunk guy #1 shows up at our end of the bar and begins to stare...at me.  Of course I knew he wasn't placing me at the top of the most desirable women he had ever seen list.  Then, it got worse. Drunk guy #2 appeared and drunk guy #3.

I suppose these guys were 30 somethings going on  junior high.  They were whispering to each other  and pretty much making obscene jerks of themselves and of course making both of us very uncomfortable.  I even think for the first time I can remember I was called "she male" for the first time.  Of course, by this time we had it with their juvenile trashy behavior, collected our things and left.

Wow, reality struck home and today I am forced to lick my wounds, reassess reality and get back into this transgender game.

Reality is, I'm not at the point {and may never be} that I present to the world as a genetic woman.  But that is OK, I have faced that reality forever. I have found though, I can navigate the world as a transgender woman if I work at it.  I'm not so sure anything I could have done would have tossed the idiots off their game. On the other hand, I do think I went too casual with dress and makeup.  Then again, the law of percentages simply caught up with me since the two couples before the idiots were perfectly delightful.

Lesson?  Do what I always have.  Hitch up my big girl panties and move on.  I hope the juveniles have major hangovers this morning though. I don't!

Ch-Ch-Changes

It's been a minute since I've seen the "transvestite" term used.  To my knowledge transvestite is not considered a gender slur such as tranny, gurl, shemale etc....it seems to be a term that just kind of "lost it's buzz".

In remembrance, I'm passing along a video on the Cyrsti's Condo big screen from July of this year called "Transvestite Musings" to see what Helen has to say:

Gender Slurs and the Trans Woman

When someone who doesn't know any better on line calls me a "gurl", I just have to set them straight.  I have always thought a "gurl" was a gender slur not unlike the "T" word or tranny.  Or, at the least it ties me in with someone like a fetish cross dresser or even "she male". For the most part though, most are very understanding when I tell them my reasons for disliking the term.

In my regular life I'm fortunate.  My close little circle of friends just call me Cyrsti, she or dummy and life is good.  In the chance though that someone does call you or I a "Tranny", I'm passing along one person's idea of how to handle it on the Cyrsti's Condo big screen:

"Catsup"

All right kids, it's time to catch up on a few of the loose ends here in Cyrsti's Condo and in my noggin.

The first concerns my recent barrage of "catfishers" on Facebook. If you haven't heard the term, "catfishers" use a variety of fraudulent measures such as profiles, pictures etc to establish relationships and even get money or gifts. About a month or so ago a message to myself and a group of other transgender women was posted asking if any of the rest of us had noticed an extreme upsurge in men who wanted to be added to our friend lists. At that point in time I hadn't and I believed in an "open gender door". Mainly because the rare men who did befriend me became disinterested quickly when they learned I hated the "gurl" term and I was NOT the desperate lonely  shemale stereotype they desired. The process became a non issue so I resisted changing my profile.

Another reason I didn't change was I don't interact with all that many guys socially but with my previous experience, I find the process highly entertaining at times. Plus I do my best not to be an hypocrite unlike a few of the people I have known on line and in person over the years.  Several loved the NO MEN profile phrase which should have read  "NO MEN- unless you are cross dressed and want to meet in a dark gay venue." I always felt the NO MEN disclaimer was mainly there for the wife in case she stumbled on the profile.

But I digress and all of the sudden I started to get slammed with male "friendship" requests. I heard along the way that at least one of the dirt bags was even using a couple different names and profiles. None of which bothered me because I didn't respond to them anyhow.

My second "not ready for prime time" rant is once again,  I have seen posts on male versus female clothing discrimination popping up. You know the old story, if women can wear guys clothes with no problems in society, why can't a guy wear women's clothing?  We all know the well worn old reasons and they don't rate repeating here, except for the main one. Are you cross dressing for gender expression or as a fashion statement? Big difference!

I have to tell you though "back in the day" I didn't hesitate to use the old worn out "if you wear pants then I should be able to wear a skirt" argument to rationalize my cross dressing.

As much as the next girl I think, if a guy wants to go to the trouble of keeping his legs shaved and working in heels, hose and a skirt.  I would respect his dedication to detail. Go for it dude!

Really?

Perhaps you have heard of the protests in our community in Portland, Oregon over a production called Tranny Thursdays.  These excerpts come from PQ:

"Criticism of a new Portland play (read: sex) party called “Tranny Thursdays” is exposing tensions in the trans community over language, identity, and public image. Promotional materials for the monthly event promising “private, intimate, discrete time with Trannys” have sparked confusion regarding the intended audience, objections to the use of a word considered a slur by many, and concern with the “Ladies Night Out” take on gender dynamics.

“No more grubby bookstores or seedy adult theaters!” writes promoter and host Sasha Scarlett (aka Joshua Ryan, who identifies as a drag queen/gender illusionist). Scarlett, who also produces the Portland Erotic Ball and runs a media company, says she launched the play party after some of the “‘straight’ men” she’s dated asked her to do more “trans/gender-flexible events.” “I have been exploring my sexuality and have met other trans-identifying gurls and their admirers,” Scarlett tells PQ. The party is “intended to allow people interested in talking, mingling, becoming acquainted"

Huh? Talking, mingling, becoming acquainted? Do the "gurls" bring a covered dish or just plenty of protection? How many of you have frequented adult book stores or seedy theatre's recently to find "friends"?

When is the gay male Rude Paul attached community going to wake up and quit the gender slurs? You have to give credit to Ryan on hitting all the slurs:  "Trans identifying gurls"? Gurl or Grrl or whatever is a fetish centered cross dresser to me and absolutely sends me into orbit when someone calls me any of those. I have worked hard to educate all those around me that I am not any of them or a drag queen. To each their own but it's bad enough when I see the distasteful fetish guys in drag photos on line.  I can only wonder "what were they thinking?" Is it any surprise when "admirers" come knocking who are looking at me as some motel room babe his wife won't find out about?

Ryan should have aptly included  "she male" term which would have been more appropriate than the other terminology.

Here's the deal, it's just a blatant money grab at our expense. One big clue is where it is being held. The Velvet Rope (formerly Angel’s Social Club), is described as a Southeast Portland club equipped with hot tubs, a “gang bang area,” a dungeon, and private rooms, as well as a social space with pool tables and food. Admission is free for “gurls” but $35.00 dollars for "admirers". A step up from grubby book stores or adult theaters?

Excuse me, I have to go. This is so greasy and disgusting I have to go take three showers to get the dirt off.

I Ru The Day

Very few things make me recoil as bad as RuPaul. To me the "thing" represents a huge part of what I'm fighting against as a transgender women in today's society and specifically in the LGB world.
Ever the one to joke at our expense to make a ratings point or an extra buck...the thing did it again last night:


Last night, October 29th 2012, on RuPaul’s All Star’s Drag Race, gay male entertainer RuPaul once again used his show as a bully pulpit to mock and misrepresent what the medical condition transsexualism actually is, despite the last few years of transsexual and transgender advocates protesting his use of offensive pejoratives such as “tra**y” and “she-male” . Comedienne Vicki Lawrence asked, “Hey Ru, what’s the difference between a drag queen and a transsexual?” RuPaul laughingly replies, “About twenty-five thousand dollars and a good surgeon.” Ha ha Pauly...old joke buddy...ha ha...have a sense of humor Cyrsti. I do. But I'm tired of this jerk even having a platform to open his clueless mouth at the expense of us. This fake makes my skin crawl and has for a while!

.Here's what you can do.
TAKE ACTION In 3 Steps:
 1: BOYCOTT RuPaul’s Drag Race: - Urge your friends and family to stop watching this show -
 Post MAGNET’s boycott announcment in your social networking sites and email to ally groups: Link
2: JOIN CONVERSATION: - Join Facebook Group: ‘Boycott RuPaul’s Bullying, Transsexual-phobia & Misgendering’ :
 3: WRITE & CALL RuPaul & His Production Company, World of Wonder Productions: - EMAIL World of Wonder Productions CEOs Randy Barbato and Fenton Bailey: Barbato: rbarbato@worldofwonder.net Bailey: fbailey@worldofwonder.net - ADDRESS (World of Wonder): 6650 Hollywood Blvd # 400. Hollywood, CA, 90028. - TELEPHONE (World of Wonder): 323-603-6300

 For more information/press inquiries: Contact MAGNET: MAGNET.Advocacy@gmail.com Media Advocates Giving National Equality to Transsexual & Transgender People (MAGNET) is an anti-defamation organization dedicated to educating the media about transsexual, transgender & intersex issues, as well as pushing for more authentic and positive portrayals of transsexual, transgender & intersex people in the media.

I would call for boycotts or protests of Vicki Lawrence's career but if she is on with thing there is nothing left of her career to boycott.