The Ultimate Purge

From the Cyrsti's Condo archives:

I promise honey-I will never wear your clothes again! (At least not these!)

Purging

Over the years and way before Cyrsti's Condo was a glitter in anybody's eye,  (or a speck of dust) I was always amazed by the amount of "joiners' and "purgers" in the cross dressing community.  Of course I shouldn't have been because I "almost" purged a couple of times and made a public spectacle (to my wife) by tossing "key items" out and stashing others.

Most cross dressers I knew for a short time were just "passing through" and some weren't but for the most part I never have met or known anyone who simply purged and never had any contact with cross dressing again.  My best example was a friend who I met first as a CD in the 1980's who purged and pledged to never revisit dressing as a woman again.  To my knowledge he didn't-but did have a lengthy on line relationship with a man who was totally convinced he was a genetic woman.  Somehow, I don't think that was "purging."

The person I always wondered about though,  was a cross dresser who attended the CD mixers in Cleveland in the 80's.  She was attractive, accomplished and an "A" lister- capable of letting you know you really didn't belong in her circles.  She had nailed the "high school social bitch" -completely.  Suddenly, one night she amazed all of us by announcing she had found the love of her life and would forever forsaking her "womanhood."  Notice, I put womanhood in parenthesis, As my wife so profoundly put it, (she despised him) and no matter how this cross dresser looked, he had no idea of what it was to be a woman.

All these years later, I wonder if she did toss that high priced wardrobe and heels in the trash and never walked again on the feminine side..  Odds are, no he didn't and since the new miracle worker girlfriend wasn't with him that night, did she ever know.

Those are just two examples of individuals who went everywhere from back in the closet to the bright lights of society and then into stealth I knew in the past.

At this time of my life, my fear of purging is completely tied into my meds. What would happen if health considerations forced me to stop my HRT therapy?  More on that in a later post.

Walt's Not So Excellent Adventure

I watched a video this morning which I will pass a link along to which has a guy (Walt)  who went through the surgery, lived as a woman for a time and decided he made a mistake and changed back. To each his own, and people do make mistakes but I wonder how that epic mistake happens? I can only think there was some sort of disconnect in the gender socialization process.

I have not researched it, but I understand the reputable SRS surgeons and clinics still require some sort of history living as your chosen gender-before going under the knife. I'm under the impression that those in the know are calling the process gender socialization. From personal experience it is a fascinating and sometimes scary experience when you go from presenting as a woman versus being socialized as one. I just know I will go to my grave loving it. But that's just "not so little ol me".

Of course it 's possible to go out dressed as a woman and present yourself successfully and think Yay! I'm a girl Woo Hoo! It's also very possible to do it as essentially a stealth cross dresser. Not a problem in the world unless you begin to believe you can shortcut the socialization process in the girls sandbox. The worst place to attempt a stunt like that. You will find out quickly which gender isn't the "sugar & spice" one.

After all, who needs all that sand kicked in your face?   Everyone will have to accept me as a woman after my SRS...Right?  Not so fast happy campers, there is that one pesky problem-gender does not live between your legs and to my knowledge can not be operated into our brains.

By jumping ahead in the socialization process, you simply miss key yes or no moments.  Examples you have read me write about here in Cyrsti's Condo are the feminine communication process and the intricacies of fitting into female social circles.  Even in my very gray orientated mind...they are black and white learning experiences. You want to belong or you don't.  Plus of course I'm just scratching the surface.

By paraphrasing Walt one more time he says something to the extent you can't fix a psychological problem with surgery DUH! He is totally correct and I'm fairly sure SRS does not include a lobotomy, for a good reason. (I know what you are thinking you need to add- not subtract to a male brain ) It has been fairly well documented these days that gender identity issues are not psychological problems. But I agree, one could develop if the person involved is not free to explore their feelings- as Walt surely wasn't.

At this point, every bone in my body is screaming "don't be snarky Crysti" and write what you are thinking.  Since bones can't scream anyway- who the hell wants to hear from a person who made a fairly major mistake with his life and still has no idea why?

Why didn't he tell the truth and just say- look I'm just a cross dresser, got a sex change  and then went through the ultimate purge to be with a woman who just can't image my past. Understood!!!!

Ahhh! I feel better now!

Here's your link here to "Crossover Kids" other than "Walter" it's a good piece.