Thursday, December 29, 2011

Cyrsti's Things-Chasing My Tail!

I have received and have in my possession my first 30 day supply of estrogen and testosterone blockers.
I have them mailed to my daughters for security reasons, my mail slot at home is not big enough for the post office person to safely deliver them.
Once I got home with my precious cargo, I paused to reflect on how long it took me to get here. Then I thought how far I have to go. Sure it's a long trip, but never boring!
I have mentioned so many times (you are certainly tired of hearing of it) my guy job is done!
Whatever impact the meds may have on me, the fact still remains the strongest tie to my male existence is GONE. 
The nice part is I have some time to sit back and take a look at possible directions to take. Of course I will keep you posted!
In the midst of all of this, an amazing event is occurring - the end of 2011. How did that happen? I know I've been frustrated all week long with a intense final week of work and not being 100% for a couple days due to a lingering sever cold.
Luckily I was able to find a very sharp outfit for a very hot New Year's Eve date; and
of course I have tried to come up with "incredible" year end blog posts.
All this week has proven is that I should not wish time away. All the wishing, planning and hoping for the final work days and my introduction to hormones has done nothing. Well, not quite "nothing". I'm finishing a frenetic week that I essentially missed out on life.
Hopefully, life will be near and dear to me and I will have a chance to recover my lost week.
In the meantime it's looking as if we will be very close to our first 150,000 hits here on the blog by years end. I certainly don't want to overlook this chance to thank each and everyone of you!


Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Should I Fell Guilty?

 I've seen a couple of stories floating around about the transgender woman who literally beat up a man on a NYC subway for calling her a man.
I'm not one to be drawn to graphic violence of any type, but I have to tell you I did try to watch this video.
Ironically YouTube had removed the video for "shocking and disgusting" content.
Immediately I wondered if the video of the transgender teen who was beaten in a McDonald's was on YouTube why wasn't this? More discrimination?
At any rate, as much as I have wanted to turn on someone in my past for their ignorant, insensitive behavior it would somehow be counter productive to do it. It's just not me.
So it would have been a guilty pleasure to watch a transgendered sister pull a can of whup ass out of her purse and thump an insensitive bastard.
Personally I will stick to words!

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

"Lipstick Boy?"

Here I was, undoubtedly attending my last Christmas with my family as a man. As I have mentioned, I m out to my daughter and other friends but not to my brother and mother in law. 
My brother and I are the oldest remaining members of the family which is now down loaded with about ten grand kids.
Two of his grandsons are approximately the same age, around 5. The first arrived with his 3 siblings (all girls).
I missed the first part of the conversation but started listening intently when my brother said "you don't want to be a lipstick boy?" I thought "what if he does?" He is truly a pretty boy with blond hair and blue eyes.  What if he does?
I have to say I don't think my brother will have a problem with me...or the grandson if true. Believe me I'm not speculating. Brother has never shown any indication of being homo or transphobic.
My mother in law would be shocked I'm sure but she would then be very worried about the health ramifications of my transition. To clarify, she is the mother of my deceased wife.
I really considered coming out to both around the Christmas holidays but then decided the holiday should not be just about me.
I'm not a huge believer in New Year's resolutions but coming out to the remainder of my family tops the list.
As far as the grandson goes? His Mom is really beautiful and good with makeup...who knows?
More importantly, she is a very caring, loving mother and I'm sure he would be in good hands.
Undoubtedly in 2012 my brother will be meeting the true lipstick boy!


From the "Daily Mail" in the UK:
Kerry Marshall, 18, who is currently undergoing a sex change to become a woman, managed to con a series of bank tellers into believing she was the television star, glamour model Katie Price.
Katie Price
Obviously there must be more to this story that doesn't meet the eye!

A "Natural Woman"?

One of the people who is very close to the transgender journey I'm taking asked me the other night what kind of woman do I think I will become.
Easy question, loving, giving, gentle and beautiful! Even though I wish I could achieve all those attributes, that wasn't what she was talking about.
Very bluntly she asked (love it!) when I leave the house day after day to run chores or whatever what kind of woman do I think I will be?  She used two examples on both ends of the spectrum.
Would I be the "natural" type of girl who basically throws on a pair of jeans and t-shirt and takes on the public OR would I be one of the girls (similar to the one she works with) who would never face the world without her makeup and perfect hair.
Good question and one I have thought about.. The great majority of women where I live are the so called "natural" types and I'm being kind. Female slobs are a better term.
So now I will finally have the chance to put my makeup where my words are.
From my perspective right now, here is what kind of girl I will be-the one I am now. My personal style is very ingrained and is who I am. So yes, I would prefer never to be out without my eye makeup, lipstick and foundation.
What I do hope happens is the hormones soften my skin and features so I will get to use less foundation. Electrolysis is very much out of the question financially currently but my beard right now is very much a one close shave a day deal. Hopefully, I will get a slight beard reduction but not one I'm expecting.
The other hair I want grow is on my head of course. I haven't had a hair cut in the last 3 or 4 months so I have a head start (no pun intended). I simply can't wait for it to grow to the point I can get it colored and styled.  I have no reason to believe my hair will not always be a major part of me!
That's my answer as of now and of course changes are predictable. The only constant is certainly change.
As I move forward I expect the time I spend on preparing for the public will decrease too.  To the amazement of many women my prep time is way below a half hour now and I already have a cleansing and moisturizer routine for my skin.
The bottom line is I realize being a girl is more work. I have done it for years. Just a labor of love I guess!
I still have to pinch myself that all of this is happening!

Monday, December 26, 2011

Should a Transgendered Woman Reveal Her Age?

I normally never revealed my age. I would simply say you should never ask a woman her age or what does it matter? I'm fortunate in that most people think I'm at least 10 years younger as a female.
Before my full head of hair began to turn grey, I enjoyed similar reactions as a guy.
Why does it matter? It's a trust issue?
For good reason, the Internet is and should be a place where someone should be wary of much of what is written and seen.
Many people simply don't believe either I'm 62 or my pictures are real.
I used to try to post certain pix of me in a public place to prove my point but now I'm sort of in an in between place. 
If I write about being of the age to collect partial Social Security, those of you in the know realize I have to be 62.
To a chosen few, that still isn't enough? Now I'm fixing my pictures? I wish I was smart enough!
Maybe because I have very ill with yet another cold virus of some sort, I have been very bitchy.
Or maybe I should just take the whole age thing as a compliment.
It would be if people didn't think I was telling the truth.
One way or another, thanks for reading my rant!
On the positive side, I only have 3 more days to work and I plan on taking my first hormones on New Year's Eve!

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Maybe A Different View Of The Holiday's?

I know what you are thinking. A different outlook from Cyrsti? No, that's not possible! Yeah, right!
During this part of the year many of us go 100 miles an hour.
The most we can hope for is to think about slowing our lives down and celebrating our friends and family.
But what about our own transgendered selves?
Are we missing so much in our lives by looking for the future and not living the present?
We just can't wait for that new outfit or the next dose of hormones or the next procedure to make us our own dream woman.
I'm guilty too!
This is my Christmas greeting to you.
If you are in a very dark closet, may the dim light coming from under the door be your guide to the future!
If you are living the life in your chosen gender, slow down and feel  the inner satisfaction of your new life.
If you are in transition, try to enjoy a once in a lifetime gender trip most humans will never consider or even experience.
Wherever you may fit, I just want to thank you all for being here and Merry Christmas!

2011 Transgendered Milestones

Lavern Cox
As the the year comes to a close it seems everyone has a year in review.       
In our transgendered world 2011 was a very active year with several positive milestones.
"Laverne Cox"  recently wrote about transgender acting milestones in the "Huffington Post".
From "Chaz Bono" and "Harmony Santana" to her own acting career, she covers many transgendered acting successes in 2011 and the hopes for more in the future.
Here's a short look at the past year.

Yasmin Lee
In an article about transgender performers in the December 8-14, 2011 issue of Backstage, Simi Horwitz writes, "Casting director Sig De Miguel ... looks forward to the time when a character's transgender status is incidental to the script and an actor's trans identity is irrelevant to casting. 'You may be born male, but you're a woman now,' De Miguel says." De Miguel represents a growing number of industry professionals who are open to casting trans actors in roles that aren't necessarily written as trans. He cast three of the films in which I acted in 2011. He also cast Harmony Santana in Gun Hill Road. In 36 Saints, one of those films, I play the effusive party promoter Genesius. Nowhere in the script does it say that she is transgender, nor is it inauthentic to the story that she is.
The highest profile fictional transgender film character of 2011 was the controversial role of Kimmy in the blockbuster The Hangover 2. The role was played by transsexual adult film actress Yasmin Lee. I had the pleasure of briefly meeting Yasmin a few years ago. She seemed very sweet. I hope this high-profile role has opened other doors for Lee.

As always, follow the link for more!

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Transgendered Health News

Another transgendered woman of substance I have met here on the blog is "Sherri Lynne". She is a practicing therapist who works with transgendered patients.
On her blog "Walking in Two Worlds", she recently posted a great article called "To Your Health".
She goes into all the usual areas we think of such as hormones and such and then goes so much farther-including a transgendered girl's increased chances of breast cancer.
I had the very conversation with my BFF recently. She asked if I have had any history of breast cancer in my family. I started to say no and then remembered my maternal grandmother passed away from breast cancer in the mid 50's.
Of course I never had a reason to connect her breast cancer to me although I do know it occurs in males too.
Now of course I do.
Follow the link and take advantage of more of Sherri's extensive knowledge!

Friday, December 23, 2011

Transgender "Stylin' and Profilin' "

A person's style (or the lack of it) defines our place in the public's eye no matter what gender we are!
The guy with a beard and ball cap may not be a "redneck" at all and the beautiful woman ahead of you in line may be transgendered.
On a recent post I featured the style of a couple women I follow here on the blog. I didn't however explain much about my own or how the whole process works to me.
I would define "style" as a very vague but very concrete thing. How you look is very concrete how you arrive at the look isn't.
The problem with style is it is so very fluid and seasonal.  I love the fact I live in a climate which has four distinct seasons I have to adjust to.
Surprisngly I have a difficult time coming up with the answer of what my style is and how I adjust to the ever changing fashion world.
I almost always wear jeans and rarely wear heels except on boots but I'm sure my style would not be considered less than feminine. I love long hair and can't wait for mine to be long enough to be styled but in the meantime wigs will have to do.
In the summer months I love the short flirty skirts with bare soft, shaved legs and can't wait for whatever breast growth the hormones give me next summer to "fill out" sleeveless tops.
My style essence dictates two absolutes.  The first is I present the same basics I mentioned above to the same people all of the time. They then have a better chance to know a me as a person.
The other absolute is I try to emphasize a positive. Most of the time with me my breasts and hair are my positives. In the summer I use my legs.
Obviously style is a highly personal experience. You see and notice women who excel or fail miserably at it all the time.
Once you begin to discover your style, you can't begin to measure the fun you can have!

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Stop It!

Please! No more moronic far fetched TV sitcoms about men dressing as women! The latest "Work It" on ABC will certainly fail because it's terrible-QUICKLY!  The problem is the project should not have even started.
Our transgendered world has changed so much for the better over the years and a show like this is the last thing we need.
I know  publicists believe that any publicity is good publicity. It's NOT true.
You have probably heard there is a petition out to stop the show and you can follow the link above to sign it.
Believing something such as this show will go away soon enough just because it's bad just isn't good enough for the transgendered community.
"Work It" needs to go away because it's bad for us and the transgendered community of the future!

More Life Input From the Stars!

Although I really consider astrology nothing more than a diversion and an interesting outlook on life, every once in awhile I really want to believe it!

Let's go to the stars to learn more from "Kiki T" on "the Frisky"!
Her Libra forcast:
A larger than life feeling will overwhelm you slowly this year, as you realize the obstacles you’ve overcome and the position you’re going into now. Yes, the sky will truly be the limit, as you’ve proven you do have the armor to withstand any force. The battles you’ve faced have now brought out the best in you, raising the bar to new heights as you make that last stretch for the brass ring of your dreams. However, strangely enough, you will see that what you want isn’t what you previously thought and your ideals will be flying around the spectrum of oddities. No matter, as you increase your awareness of your own power, so will the love in your life — as in tighter, stronger, and longer. They’ll be no mountain too high for you now, as you’ll know what you are capable of and that your instincts are on. So, bring on the mischievous adventures, because now that you’ve conquered your turf, time to go out there and claim new territory and make all that you want yours

I hope so!!!!!!!!!!!

Santa Came Early This Year!

"H" day with the VA has came and gone and yes Santa did give me one of the bigger gifts of my life.
I am so thrilled. My Estrogen and Testosterone Blockers are on the way!!!!
Today unfolded with a very ill at ease VA doctor.  By his own admission he was not negative about my situation but ignorant in his knowledge of it.
The end result was he would certainly make sure the VA would provide my meds IF I got them prescribed by a physician who would and could monitor me for side effects.
Fair enough! What the situation amounts to is I have a five month supply of the meds coming sometime after Christmas. The only real money I will have to come up with is for a couple more "maintenance" check ups during the year.
I feel there is also a chance my Doc at the VA will mellow out about the possible side effects of my two new meds and just renew them on his own.
During our "chat" I did feel a little sorry for him when he was reading me the possible side effects of the two drugs from his computer. He reminded me my breasts could be a little sore and tender or even swell up! (I hope so!) He went on to read estrogen taken over a long period of time will likely increase and rearrange my body mass.
I could only guess the look of relief or anticipation I must have had on my face because his attitude began to change. He began to be more personal and even touched my arm for reassurance on my way out.
Several times along this jounrey with the VA I have expressed my frustration with the results I was expereincing.
At this point I have to tell  you the people I have met have all treated me with respect and did their best to help me.
After a short period of time and as much as I want to reward Santa with a huge kiss, I also know all of this is just the beginning of another huge chapter of my life. Many twists and turns are to come on this transgendered journey.
I just hope they are well lit!

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

German "Tootsie" Trailer!

"Rubblediekatz"  movie trailer. Obviously better if you speak German,,,but you get the point!

Womanless Pageant Beauty!

Just another "beginner" from the WYRE Womanless Beauty Pageant.  There are more pix on "Facebook"
Most are not good but she is!

Changes in Attitude-Changes in Latitude.

I am finding more and more the small things make the girl.
No more quick shower and shave and out the door.
As my hair grows longer, washing it is becoming a completely different and lengthy process. (Only the beginning!)
Skin care is also a priority. A complete cleaning and an application of moisturizing/wrinkle cream adds time to the process. I then went to the Chap Stick for my  lips and lotion for my hands and elbows. Keep in mind this daily process is only the beginning!
None of it includes any makeup or hair removal.
A woman told me a long time she was part of the "high maintenance" gender. I assumed at the time she was talking about female emotional and hormonal issues or even fashion and appearance challenges.
Little did I know the true meaning of "high maintenance"!
More changes in "attitude" are coming up in my next post. My doctors visit at the VA was really interesting!!!

Monday, December 19, 2011

This Week's "Horror" Scope!

Libra (September 23- October 22)
Break out of the routine and let your baby have his way this week. As it goes, there is likely going to be a struggle for power in where you go and what plans you want to set. While it’s nice to have traditions, understand you’ve done them all as good as you can and something new will live in your memory books must stronger; seriously, listen to what your honey has to say!
Nothing earth shattering this week.
The only juicy part is the use of the "his" word with baby-and me! Is he or isn't he!!!!!!!!!!!

"Horror Scope" comes from "the Frisky". My term not theirs.

Transgendered Time Line

Tomorrow the hormonal epic continues.
I have an appointment with my primary VA Doc to FINALLY get the hormone scripts I have approved to be filled through the VA.
I know this road has really only been about 6 months...but the journey  has been a lifetime dream it seems. If I knew it or not!

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Virginia Prince-Role Model?

If you are more mature you will remember Virginia Prince and her book "How to Be Female Though Male".(1979) and an earlier book "The Transvestite and His Wife".(1967).
Recently, Prince who passed away in 2009 has been credited and not credited with first using the Transgendered term.
Regardless of all of that, I remember buying both books and wishing I still had them as transgendered collector items! I'm thinking of coming up with the 12 bucks or so to reread them to see what is still relevant. As far as I know it all  could be.
When I read it I was 30 something and really going through my transgendered adolescence. I viewed Prince as a prude Grandma type (and still do!) But I did use both books to help educate my wife!
Every once in awhile, her name does come up and I even thought of her the other night in a restroom.  I was going through my purse looking for my lipstick. As I was looking I came across the "feminine hygiene product" I carry in my purse. Why do I carry it? Because so many years ago my "Grannie Virginia" said I should.  She said it was a sure fire way to solidify your female image in the women's room. You could be able to help a fellow girl in need!
As I was mentally reliving my past Virginia Prince's name came up loud and clear.
If by chance you don't know much about her, she is an interesting pioneer of sorts in our transgendered culture. Her legacy still provokes quite a bit of pro and con discussion!
She also founded "Tri-Ess" still very much in existence today. Tri-Ess  bills itself as the (The Society for the Second Self) ; an international educational, social and support group for heterosexual crossdressers, their partners, the spouses of married crossdressers and their families.
Tri-Ess has more than 30 chapters nationwide in the United States, and is a member of the World Congress of Transgender Organizations.
The group initially provided me with my first steps out of the transgendered closet and ironically introduced me to many individuals of all sexual persuasions. I vividly remember the first meetings with my wife.  From rooms with cigar smoking men in dresses (before it was chic) to beautiful girls getting ready to out on the town, the group was wonderfully diverse. I met friends I knew for decades, had my first makeover and first attempted pick up move by a guy in a bar. That was only the beginning.
Over the years I grew past Tri-Ess but highly recommend the organization for those who need a high level of discretion or are just discovering  more of their female self. It certainly worked for me and is another huge reason I'm the girl I am today.

Retro Transgendered Girl

I get one question the most, especially from civilians who are new to the transgendered culture: "When did you first feel the need to do this?" (Their words not mine.)
For awhile I had sort of an autobiography on one of the blog pages about my life and how similar it probably is to many of yours.
I say similar because it if wasn't for a little twist or turn here or there we could all be in the same place. If by chance you are a fully changed transsexual, I've seriously considered that route more than once and could be in your shoes.  You could be more of a weekend crossdresser who could be more like me with the proper opportunity.  But that is not what I'm writing about here.
I believe many single gendered individuals think we transgendered folks had this great blinding realization of "hey! I want to be another gender!"
For one, I can say it wasn't like that with me. I can safely say I was between the ages of 10 and 12 when I had this growing suspicion that something wasn't right. I had a real fascination with the female gender but somehow, someway it just took a twist with me. Many years passed before I finally realized my fascination with women wasn't so much sexual. I wanted to be them.
I do remember as clear as day when I made up an excuse to dress in the few girl clothes I could buy with my paper route money and appear in front of some of my pre teen friends-makeup mini skirt hose and all. My quick introduction as a girl was quick and did embarass them more than me but somehow I never heard much more about it from them. I do know I wanted so much for them to like the way I looked.
We lived in a very rural area and one of my "get aways" happened to be the woods behind our house. I would abuse my Mom's electric shaver and kept smooth legs most of the time. I would sneak out past my brother ( a couple years younger) and actually go to this special place I picked just to feel the wonderful caress of nylons, bras and dresses.
One important question I don't have the answer to is how I kept my legs shaved as much as I did. I was a very athletic kid and played three sports. I just don't know.
The person I feel the most sorry for during this time of my life was my brother. I was always sneaking behind his back barricading myself in the bathroom experimenting with makeup. Of course he did catch me on occasion and that's another story.
On the rare occasion I was home alone we had a long hallway in the house that for some reason had a full lenght mirror on it which was a transgendered kids best friend! The slow trip down the hall admiring myself in the mirror was heavenly!
So that was the beginning of the journey which brought me here to all of you today.
As I have said many times all of this occurred way before the Internet.  For years I was certain I was the only one who felt this way.
Of course as my life progressed I know now of the sign posts which directed me here.
In future posts I will try to take you there!

Friday, December 16, 2011

I am...I said

A friend of mine once told pass because of will power.
Of course that was back in the day when "passing" was the politically correct term indicating you could move through society as your chosen  gender.
His comment was not much of a compliment.
Essentailly he was saying I was not a natural female beauty and he was and is right.
Little did he know how right he was-for different reasons.
All the trial and error of venturing out in the world as a girl slowly but surely turned "will power" into "attitude".
The more I interacted with the world, the more I felt more assured of who I was as a transgendered female. The more assured I felt my confidence grew.
When I arrived at the point when I didn't care if the public knew I was transgendered, my life became suddenly easier.
As the drag queens say "It's all in the attitude."
If I have a solid mental attitude about my gender choice, the general public will too.
I have sadly lost contact with the friend I had for years. He lived a  life many transgendered people know; go totally into the closet or risk losing your spouse and or financial life as you know it.
Hopefully someday I will get to see him again and thank him for his insight!

Nuture Your Transgender Style!

Style! We all see it and admire it. Style seems to be this vague yet concrete visual of who you are.  Men have a decided simpler edge in the style department. Fewer choices and in most cases women to help them with their choices.
Women of course have it much tougher. Everyone looks at us-men and women. Two girls I follow continually here on the blog are "Stana" and Janie". They define style at it's best.
The fun part with their style is they are so different yet so similar in how they approach it.
Examples? Just take a look at their blogs (linked here). Janie's Christmas pictures and Stana's pix of her latest trip say it all.
It's easy to think some of us are born with a unique sense of style. Is it just an accident that certain scarf or pair of shoes you just have to add to your wardrobe look so good on you?
Obviously not. A quick follow of Stana alone shows the complete dedication she has to her style and it shows.
On one of her blog posts she recommended a site which takes a total approach to style. "Nurturing Beauty" by Ginger Burr. I followed her advice and subscribed to her blog (free). Ginger's latest offerings included one called "How to Dress Cozy Without Feeling Sloppy".
As I read it, I started to think how it applied to my current situation. Essentially, Ginger writes about how you can feel good about your style even when you know no one else will see you. As I still live the dual male/female dynamic for a short time, I constantly think of what I can do to further the transition.
Of course there is the well known  female underwear worn under male clothes, but what else? I started some time ago wearing my breast forms any time I'm not working in guy drag.
Ginger's advice took me to a whole new level of what I can do to always feel better about my style if I'm out in public or at home doing the dishes. None of her advice meant you should wear a fancy cocktail dress all the time but you should make sure your work clothes fit well at the least. Subconsciously you need the sense of well being. I'm paraphrasing of course, check the link for more.
I know so many of you here have your own wonderful unique style. Some of you have discovered your style and nurture it. For those of you that haven't, check out Janie, Stana and Ginger for great hints!

Missing the Transgendered Feminine Experience

Sometimes I just want to scream.
I should be more patient when I receive a comment such as this. "I'm glad you get to dress up and go out and party; Ive done it a couple of times."
I replied "I did get dressed as a guy recently and went out and partied."
Then I calmed down and told the person the depth of my transgender experience. I am not playing dress up.  It's nice your wife has participated in your fantasy of being a girl but lifestyle and fantasy are vastly different creatures. If you are into labels, when your fantasy becomes your lifestyle you have moved from crossdresser to transgender.
If nothing else I should be content to be an educator. Hopefully the person I chatted with walked away with a whole new appreciation of transgendered life.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Transgender Spotlight- Janet Mock

Janet Mock is a beautiful and extremely successful transgendered woman. Quite possible though, her most impressive attribute could be her decision not to go "stealth" and disappear into society.
Her article in the "Huff Post Gay Voices" tells her story of telling her boyfriend she was born a boy.
Telling her boyfriend is one thing, telling us is another.
She has also lended her efforts to public support campaigns for young transgender people.
Coincidentally, Nicole the young transgendered twin we featured in a recent post came out of stealth mode to help others also.
If you were able to read the entire article about the Maine teen, you learned she actually went to a different school for a couple years without telling anyone.
Now she speaks to others about her past and has even helped to try to push through anti-gender discrimination rest room bills through the Maine legislature.
"Back in the day" (way back) when I was younger, most transgendered people I knew just made their transition and simply disappeared.  Their life, their choice and that's fine but having the courage to speak up about the transgendered experience really separates the women from the girls.
Lighting the path for the future transgendered boys and girls is huge!

Could It Be Me?

I watch many of the male to female video changes on YouTube. I'm mesmerized by some of the changes I see.
Over the years I thought I would never see myself in those transistions.
Now of course.all of that has changed as I prepare myself for hormones.
I do wonder how fast and how dramatic the changes will be of course.
My "Bestest GF" has told me others will notice changes quicker than I. A daily dose of the mirror will slow progress in my eyes.
She also says the internal changes will be more dramatic and I do believe that to be true.
I have to say the whole process seems surreal.  I use the term in the unbelievable and fantastic sense. The process I've seen in others is now going to be part of me? Really?
As my journey continues, I do run into the occasional peep who is curious to seeing the "before" me. (Always women)  I don't believe in showing my past to others and I wonder if that is part of fascination I have with others who do it on YouTube.
Surely, they have a sense of pride in their journey as they should. More importantly a video documentation of the transgendered crossover could be a real benefit to others. Once you get past the fetish peeps and admirers there certainly are many gender confused individuals. They can see the light at the end of the tunnel is not the train.
I can see that light and it is not train.
I see myself in the videos now and the light is future sunshine!

A successful human rights lawyer who lived as a woman outside work was pushed under a Tube train by a preoperative transsexual whom he had befriended, a court heard.

David Burgess, 63, known as Sonia, died after falling under a Piccadilly Line train at King’s Cross Underground station on Oct 25 last year.
Senthooran Kanagasingham, 35, known as Nina, went on trial yesterday charged with his murder.
Mr Burgess, a divorced father of three, had built “an enviable and brilliant reputation” as a solicitor in human rights and immigration law.
“However, socially, the deceased lived as a woman and was known by friends and family as Sonia,” said Mr Altman.
“I intend to refer to the deceased throughout as of the female gender because that is the wish of her family.”
Mr Burgess was “gender-variant”, the court heard. He had not wished to have surgery to become a woman, but to all intents and purposes outside his professional life, he lived as a woman.
This was “accepted and embraced” by everyone, including his three children, the jury was told.
“A close friend states that physically Sonia presented as a good-looking, very slim, middle-aged woman,” said Mr Altman.
“Sonia was caring and generous with her time. She was tolerant of others and she habitually helped others with their problems.” Kanagasingham, of Cricklewood, north London, had been undergoing sex-change therapy at the time of Mr Burgess’s death. It had been his desire to “pass completely as a woman”, the court heard.
It may be true: "Only the Good Die Young?"

Monday, December 12, 2011

Weekly "Horror Scope"

If you need to lose your mind, do it. This is the week when going all out, balls to the wall psycho will have its benefits. Besides, if done properly, it’s merely a freedom of expression, a creative statement. Whatever the case, the style in which you approach this can make it all okay, so think of yourself as an abstract expressionistic fireball of passion and fury and let loose!

I thought this was me every week??????
Horror Scope compliments of   the Frisky.

Transgender Journey: From Ramesh to Rose!

Pictured on the right is India’s first transgender celebrity :
She talked about her trauma recently in an interview with
the Sunday Observer   Rose  who spoke about her traumatic past to become a woman, requested people to look at transgendered people
as human beings and not to throw them into dark
corners and make their lives miserable.
Rose knows firsthand how bad the transgendered experience can be.  She hails from a society where a transgendered person is tagged as a ‘hijara’, meaning immoral and evil. “but we are not immoral, evil dirty or prostitutes”, she says.
Through hard work and education, Rose gained popularity in Tamil Nadu with her TV talk show ‘Ippadikku
Rose’ - Yours truly, Rose where she talks about social issues
including traditions, taboos, rebels and culture telecast on Vijaya
Follow the link to learn more!

Transgendered Twin

Pictured left are Wyatt and Jonas who started life as twin brothers.

The twin boys were identical in every way but one. Wyatt was a girl to the core, and now lives as one, with the help of a brave, loving family and a path-breaking doctor’s care.

"Wyatt" is now "Nicole" and here is the story from ""

"When Wyatt and Jonas were born, their father was thrilled. Wayne looked forward to the day when he could hunt deer with his boys in the Maine woods. The family lived in Orono, near the University of Maine campus, where Wayne is the director of safety and environmental management.
They had no preparation for what would come next.
When Wyatt was 4, he asked his mother: “When do I get to be a girl?’’ He told his father that he hated his penis and asked when he could be rid of it. Both father and son cried. When first grade started, Wyatt carried a pink backpack and a Kim Possible lunchbox.
His parents had no idea what was going on. They had barely heard the term “transgender.’’ Baffled, they tried to deflect Wyatt’s girlish impulses by buying him action figures like his brother’s and steering him toward Cub Scouts, soccer, and baseball."

As I read the story I was astounded by the love and courage of this family. As we approach the holiday season this is a true example of unconditional love.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Bond's Best Transgendered Woman

Transsexual Bond girl Caroline
Cossey revisited.

Transgender Actress

Transgender actress Bianca Leigh!

Out of the Closet

Out of the wrong closet at that! 
I just attended quite possibly the last company Christmas party in guy drag I ever will.
Going through my male closet (neglected) was quick and pain full.
I've never given much attention to my male appearance.  Work attire was easy enough as was the simple casual attire I wore.  You know the story. Fashion limitations everywhere-BORING! Polo shirt, slacks, matching socks and shoes and I'm out the door.
Of course once I got there I was the fashion expert (in my mind).  I passed the time critiquing every woman there.
Why did I go? If you've been following my timeline, I only have another couple weeks to go with this company.
Actually there are a couple of reasons I did go. Let's get the self serving one out of the way. Christmas bonuses were being passed out! Do not quit before you get your bonus!
The other reason is I believe in being a good employee until the end. I live in a relatively medium sized town and I feel more than a few know of my transgender background. If the company gives a party, at least they will have a chance to remember me as a man before my serious gender changes begin.
Of course I've endured the company gossip as well as others for some time now.  I won't lie to you and say that some of it has bothered me over the years.  It's not so much I was bothered by what was said. I was bothered I couldn't say so what?
The Christmas party was so much more than selecting clothes from the wrong closet or ignoring a couple of ignorant comments. The party was yet another huge step towards accept me for who I am or go away.

Friday, December 9, 2011

Another Transgender Victory

In Georgia a federal appeals court panel has upheld a lower court ruling that Vandy Beth Glenn (shown above) was wrongly fired from her job as a legislative editor in the Georgia General Assembly. She informed her employer she planned to transition from male to female and was terminated.
Her fight could be appealed to the U.S. Supreme Court but for now at least is a clear cut victory for the transgender community in Georgia.
Glenn, who was represented by Lambda Legal attorney Greg Nevins, said she was “giddy” about the news and especially pleased the panel voted 3-0 in her favor.

Nevins, who used only a few minutes of his 30-minutes granted by the 11th Circuit Court to answer questions from the judges during oral arguments on Dec. 1, said the swiftness of the ruling was a bit surprising. But, he added, the ruling was simple to make.
“The question of whether transgender people can be protected under sex discrimination is answered — they put an end to that,” he said of the panel. “They just didn’t think this was rocket science. This was not even a close call. It’s such a clear statement.”
Nevins said the 11th Circuit Court’s ruling would hopefully be a wake up call to employers who feel they can fire transgender people without legal repercussions. But he also noted Congress needs to pass the Employment Non-Discrimination Act to ensure job protections for all LGBT people.
“It is a very wonderful ruling that clearly states transgender people are protected from this kind of discrimination,” Nevins said.

Transgendered "Designer" Labels?

I know most of you are engrossed in shopping for the best presents ever for your friends or loved ones or maybe even your transgendered self! I'm going help and add a few more labels we wear.
Let's start with the pronouns: he, she or god forbid it.  Being a "crossdresser"  is mundane, being "transsexual" is so final and being "transgendered" means exactly what?
Tonight I had a wonderful chat with a new found transgendered friend who unknowlingly used the "gurl" word with me.  She had no way of knowing I associate "gurl" with "tranny" as a gender slur. Why? I feel female and I don't know what a "gurl" is supposed to be. Gurl just sounds demeaning and ugly to me.
Believe me I'm not blaming her, I was just a little sensitive from reading another comment directed at me last night from another person.
I've told you all before of some of my exploits on a few dating sites. I don't do much on them anymore-don't need to. Every now and then a comment about me still gets my attention however.
The comment tonight was "The hottest woman on this site is a man!" There was a day when I would have been elated reading a comment like that.
My initial reaction was "what are the other women here like?" Then I thought "I might be a biological male, but I'm not a man!"
Perhaps I'm just being over sensitive. I do know I have preached to all of you about the use of labels in our transgendered culture and what do they mean anyhow?
Obviously words can only affect me as much as I allow them to. Normally they don't and life goes on!
Good luck with finding your own labels this holiday season!

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Phillipine Womanless Engineer Pageant

Enjoy this "before and after" womanless beauty pageant video!

Colorful Comment?

As I attempt to transform my pre Internet dinosaur self into a savvy Internet/social media girl, I sometime get my "cyber wires" crossed.
Some time ago I was able to hook my Twitter and Face Book accounts up with my blog. I do enjoy the immediacy of Tweets when I'm attempting to communicate with you on the blog.
Admittedly, I have a ways to go to master the whole process.
One huge problem with Twitter is the extremely small amount of words you can use to communicate.
An example is when I commented  "it might be time for a hair color change".
I have heard from several of you I need to clarify the comment.
"Hair" it is! I still wear wigs and may for a long time because I really enjoy long hair. In the meantime, I have been growing my own hair. I have told all you I'm blessed with no male pattern baldness and a full head of air which is long enough now to nearly cover my ears and is just is starting to flow down my back.
That's the good news. The bad news is all the gray that has crept in when I wasn't watching!
So, in the near future real hair color will be a priority and the color choices will be daunting. Of course I've taken into consideration my natural hair color. The dark hair you see in some of my pictures is very close to what my hair color was. 
On the other hand, I'm very partial to the red color you see in this picture and red heads dominate my Mom's side of the family.
My "BFF" has suggested a soft "blend" of the two colors may be the most flattering.
As my hair continues to grow (and the benefits of hormones thicken and lengthen it more), I look at the whole process as one of the most positive influence of transition.
As a final point of reference any hair you see on me right now is from the results of wigs...but not for long!!!!!!

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

You Bought A "Girl's" Car?

I had two overused vehicles who served long and well. I say had because the second of the two said enough is enough. My drive to and from work is about 15 min each way on rural roads.
On the way home my transmission decided it's first gear was a waste of time. So there I was. A "trans" woman without a "trans" mission dressed as a guy on a country road.
To make a long story short, I coaxed the truck home and immediately started to worry how I was going to solve my transportation needs.
I  thought of a guy I have known for 20 plus years who sells used cars among other things. In fact, it was his Victorian mansion I went to the Halloween party the congressman and his wife were at. If you recall the post, both the politician and wife showed more than a little interest in me.
The next morning I headed to his used car lot and he showed me about eight or ten cars in my price range.
I walked the lot and kept coming back to a small SUV that somehow appealed to me; so much so I took it for a test drive.
I have owned many different cars and trucks over my life but somehow this little SUV was different.
Finally it came to me. This was a girls car. All of a sudden the whole feeling made so much sense. The whole experience was no different than being drawn subconsciously to "chick flicks", different music or even a mans eyes.
I did buy the SUV and drove it to work and the strangest thing happened. 
One of the women I work with and I share the same outspoken cynical sense of humor. She took a look at my new car and said (remember she doesn't know my female side) "You bought a girls car!"
My voice said "yes do you want to borrow it?" My mind thought "you don't know how right you are!"

Validation Void?

Of course you know my inner "drama queen" is working overtime thinking and rethinking  my life changes ahead.
One of her problems is the future reaction to a lack of a solid work experience.
Through out her life a a man, work provided him with validation. No different than most of the male gender.He thrived in pressure macho management situations.
It's no wonder (I guess) the past haunts her as she looks back.
Only time will tell how the validation factor will play out. Not so long ago just going out in public and being accepted as a woman was validation enough. Most certainly that will not be the case in the future.
When the drama queen quiets down, several very real fulfilling validation ideas should become realities.
The first is this blog itself. Since June of 2010 (and 670+ posts) this has become a labor of love. To be able to "pay forward" and help others in any way with my transgender life experiences is huge to me. Having more time to work on the blog and my book is a dream come true. I've even considered trying to do transgendered outreach programs.
On an intensely personal level I want to experience and grow my feminity with close friends and family. While it's true being publically validated as a woman is losing it's importance: being validated as a quality transgendered female person isn't.
Finally, time is growing short and the "queen" finally will be silenced!

Monday, December 5, 2011

The "Natural" Approach to Being Transgender

I'm basically worrying about all the little things as I start the serious transition process.
The same worry I experienced on my first date with a man.
Basically, I worried about remembering how to be a woman. How to sit, talk and communicate, you know the rest. You've been there. Each gender response is partially learned and partially genetic.
When I actually went on the date (and more) I found genetics took over for the most part. My natural inner girl took over as it she was there all time and probably was more than I knew!
As I remembered the process, the future looked immediately brighter!

New Link

Here is a link with more info and pix from Albany from my last post.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

In Depth Transgender Stories From Albany

Lana White, 30. Served in the Air Force. Divorced father of two children, ages 7 and 11. Worked as a railroad dispatcher locally. Native of New Orleans, relocated recently from Albany to South Carolina.
"Being a transgender person is not a decision. It's who you are. Society puts certain constraints on us and I lived with people calling me gay and I lived in fear of being beat up or retaliated against. I hid it in the Air Force so I could keep my job. It's not a matter of putting on men's clothes or women's clothes. I am who I am.
Accepting: "I've dated men and women. I'll go to a football game with the guys and enjoy that experience. I also like to shop for women's clothes and makeup. I expected more problems when I moved to Albany, but this is a pretty accepting area. I don't broadcast it, but I'm pretty open with who I am. I've been accepted as a woman at the railroad. But if someone slips up and uses the male pronoun, I don't get upset.
Passing: "Everyone's journey is different. I've been on hormone therapy for three years. I spent time in counseling, but I don't need a shrink to tell me I'm a trans person. I've been passing as a woman. When I'm out in the world, it's just easier that I'm seen as a woman and I don't get any undesired attention. I haven't had surgery, but I find the question kind of personal. Have I asked about your genitals?

Admittedly, Lana looks very feminine and you probably are thinking "sure she would have an easier time."
Another person in the series presents a more realistic look at what many of us face.

Mary, 56.

Served in the Army in Germany. Retired police officer in suburban
Pittsburgh. Lives with wife, Betsy, a Presbyterian minister, in
Pennsylvania. The couple worked as missionaries in Africa. She has
been living full-time as a woman for nearly a year. She was in Albany
over the summer for a transgender conference.

"It was a long struggle for me denying who I was. I had a lot of fear
and guilt. I was threatened and beat up a lot when I was Barry and
starting to act like a girl in high school. I was shaving my legs and
the guys would chase me out of the boys' locker room and beat me up.

Cop anger: "Many years later, I started dressing occasionally as a
woman. People thought I was gay. My cop partner on the night shift
said he was going to kill me and pulled a gun on me when he found out.
I'm 6-foot-4 and 250 pounds and the other officers couldn't believe
this is who I am. I became very depressed and suicidal.

"I started dating Betsy and had no plans to tell her, but one day I
just blurted out that I liked to dress as a woman. I thought that
would be a deal-breaker. Amazingly, she said that was OK. She thought
I was a big guy with a feminine side. She found that sweet. She knew
my secret, but I couldn't keep it inside anymore.

Suicidal: "We went to Africa as missionaries for our church and I
started dressing as a woman in the house there, but it was very
dangerous. Betsy said I needed to get help. I started psychological
counseling in 2007. I became more and more depressed and made several
attempts at suicide. I had my service revolver in my mouth. I was
ready to jump from a bridge and my wife called me on my cellphone and
talked me down.

Trans support: "Last year's trans conference in Albany was the first
time I dressed as a woman in public. I was scared stiff and almost
didn't go. I turned my car around three times before I got the courage
to attend. A couple of trans women, Jenna and Lana, took me out on the
town in Albany. They were sweethearts. They made me realize I wasn't a
freak. I saw there were other people like me.
As always I try to just give you the highlights.  Follow the links to yet another informational set of articles by brave transgendered people!

So Little Time-So Much Thought

As my time grows ever closer to severing my ties with the most invasive male portion of my life, I find it harder and harder to stay focused on my job. My job is the only real part of my life I live as a male. It is until the first of the year...I am done. (Yes I do have a way to support myself.)
Here's an example from today.
I do have a circle of friends who know me in one of three ways-only as a guy, only as a girl or maybe both (rare). On occasion I communicate with them by text message. I'm the first to admit "texting" is not the greatest form of communication and I have been known to text my friends who only know my real self (girl) from my male job.
Here's my question. Do I text more as a guy when I'm working as one? Is that possible? I know what you are thinking "Cyrsti has too much time on her hands if she all she has to do is think of this?" Ironically I'm thinking of this while I am working!
The point is I do think my remaining maleness does creep into my texting and I am certain I go through "detox" when I come home from my job. Even my texting is different. I think.
Also, another interesting answer to a long standing question is coming soon.  What will be the most powerful influence on my life? Will the lack of a male "detox" period in my life or the effects of hormones have quickest effect. I'm sure many of you reading this have gone through the same process and have your own answer. I'm guessing you would tell me "detox" will have the biggest initial impact until the hormones begin to really take effect. Then again all of our results are highly personal and will vary.
One point is certain. No one should ever wish time away.  I'm trying hard not to wish part of this month away.  So far I haven't been very successful.

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Say It "Ain't" So!

Sit down and prepared to be SHOCKED!

Khloe Kardashian is being sued by a transgender woman who claims Khloe
beat the crap out of her outside a Hollywood nightclub.

Chantal Spears -- also know as Ronald Spears -- claims on December 5,
2009, Khloe violently struck her "in and about her body," causing
serious injuries.

TMZ broke the story ... the incident occurred outside Playhouse
nightclub on Hollywood Blvd., after Chantal/Ronald allegedly walked up
to Lamar and told him he was "too young to be married."

I'm devastated! I will never watch trash television the same again!

Telling Others I'm Transgendered

I actually wanted to call this post "If I Knew Then What I Know Now."
Then I thought, I didn't know it then so who cares? It seems maybe I do.
Should I have come out to more people earlier in my life?
Compared to others, I guess I actually did. I've told all of you before both of my wives knew of my transgendered leanings. Indirectly both of them enabled me to learn more about my feminine side.
I compare the process to walking up to a sharp steep cliff.  Each step I took as a girl took me a little closer to that cliff. Deep down I knew once I jumped there would be no return.
Or so I thought.
For most of my life, the thought actually scared me. Sure I loved the feminine existence I was learning but I also wasn't sure I could live it full time.
So I waited and sometimes put myself and my loved ones through hell. They were better humans than I.  On occasion they helped me, sympathized with me and even shamed me into making a decision I just couldn't make.
Until now.
Right or wrong I rationalize not telling others more earlier in my life or accepting the reality of a feminine existence because I still valued my male life.
Every time I crept closer to the cliff and looked over, he kept pulling me back.
What he never counted on was the incredible strength and endurance of the woman he was fighting.
As she looks back at him and jumps off the cliff, she just smiles and says you could have saved so many so much suffering.
If only I knew then what I know now.....

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Teen Transsexuals

Should young transsexuals be allowed to change sex at such an early age? Certainly, it's a question sure to raise many opinions!
Here is another story from the UK about a 16 year old transsexual. "Jack to Jackie's" story comes from the "Yorkshire Evening Post".

Of course I'm biased-even envious to a degree of a young transsexual who has the courage and the support to follow her or his convictions How much easier would have my life been if I totally knew and accepted what was going on with me at a younger age!. BUT, I do understand the concept of a person so young making such a huge very scary.
In many cases, the choice of changing genders comes down to a "life or death" decision. Either the young person changes genders or wants to die.
The fortunate ones like "Jackie" (shown above) are supported by their families. The unfortunate transgender youth disappear to the streets or worse yet try to commit suicide.
In that case, change is for the better!

The Prettiest Boy In The World

Model sensation Andrej Pejic may indeed be the prettiest boy in the world and is the model of gender contradictions.
A recent example is when he went to meet the Queen of England in a skirt. Pejic described his outfit that night to  "British Vogue":
"I'm wearing a Paul Smith blazer, because I wanted to wear at least one British designer, with a vintage Versace pencil skirt and just some heels," Pejic told us as he got ready for the event. "I wanted to just be myself - androgynous - and play with the masculine blazer and pencil skirt. It's also a bit Nineties, which I love."
Whilst not transgender, Pejic is comfortable to dress in women's
clothes if the shoot or show demands it but, far from being the blank
canvas he hoped, this has seen him pigeonholed as part of the new
gender "trend" - a phenomenon which also includes Brazilian
transsexual model Lea T.

Pejic has commented that both models are placed in the same
 category, but our look is very different.  He said  "Lea has been extremely brave in being very honest about her journey - but I don't
 really see myself as being here to challenge transgender stereotypes. I'm just myself. It's taken a while to be
taken seriously,  but I hope to prove that I'm very versatile and that
I'll still be here after the phenomenon has passed."
Or when he gets the sex change he said he would get to land a "Victoria's Secret" contract?

Another Step Down My Transgender Path

I took another step yesterday in  my quest to finally fill the hormone prescriptions with my local VA.
In  a previous post I mentioned my medical doctor wrote the "scripts" and wanted blood work  I was scheduled to have done anyway at the VA.
He gave me the proper paperwork to have the extra tests done and to send them to him.
I had a day off yesterday and went in guy drag to my local clinic and gave the nurse the extra paperwork/instructions. First of all she said she couldn't do any extra tests without the permission of my VA doc.- until she read the reason for the extra tests. The reason was listed as hormone tests as I was a male to female transsexual. The words seemed to take on a life of their own and jumped off the paper.
In the meantime, the nurse said hold on a minute. 
She went to get the lead nurse and they studied the paperwork for a second (seemed like hours) and said just take a extra portion of blood.
Then the most amazing thing happened.  The nurse's whole demeanor towards me changed.  She became softer and even started to explain her daughter's shopping bonanza after Thanksgiving.
She was so nice even to the point of doing the little female touch as she talked to me about the tests.
Yet another difficult situation of coming out to a total stranger came and went with positive results. I am very fortunate!
I went ahead and made an appointment with my VA doc before Christmas.  What a gift it would be if he sends me straight to the pharmacy to get my prescriptions filled!

A Vocal Trans Girl

  Image from Brooke Cagle on UnSplash The other night when we went out to eat, I needed to order what I wanted food wise loud enough to be h...