Cleanin' The Condo!

Well, not really. I don't have that much time.
Recently I have managed to get a few things accomplished though.
I went back through the dusty old archives here in "Cyrsti's Condo" to actually come up with the first published post. It was called "You Make a Better Looking Woman" from May 29th 2010. You can read it here.
There has been "a whole lot of makeup over the damn" since then!
I did get my appeal filed with the VA yesterday (Veteran's Administration) concerning their lack of wanting to pay for an outside physician to monitor my hormones and overall health. Of course I feel that stance is blantantly unfair-financially and morally.
Once again this year I missed "Stana" of Femulate during her visit in my area for what ever excuse of being crazy busy- or just crazy.
Also, I did see the disgusting story of the Japanese transsexual who sold the "extras" from her surgery at auction and even oversaw the cooking of them for the highest bidding diner. EEEEEEWH!!!!
She will be the star of the new reality show "Hormones Gone Wild"!
Finally a quote of the day:
"You can never take two things for granted when you wake up in the morning. Number one is that you will wake up at all. Number two? That your computer will come on and function properly!

What Do You Think?

Should taxpayers foot the bill for transsexual prisoners?
This story concerning transgender inmates in New York is the latest from Auburn.Pub.com.
"There are about 1,700 inmates at Auburn Correctional Facility, of whom 1,698 or so are indisputably men.
Then there are Jessica Marie Brooks and Leslieann Marie Manning.
They are part of the small population of transgender inmates in New York prisons. Both say they're receiving hormone therapy, and the physical changes are subtle but apparent.
Their hair is fine, their skin is soft and their walk and talk are plainly feminine.
Brooks, Manning and others like them occupy an intersection of intense social stigma - convicted felons receiving taxpayer-funded health care for a scorned condition."
The bottom line seems to be the growing belief that the transgendered or transsexual condition is a medical condition not unlike the others that convicts are being treated for.

Personally, I can connect the treatment dots with the care I get from the Veterans Administration. Taxpayers are paying for it too-even if for radically different reasons.
I can argue convicts are coddled too much already but I can also argue if one prisoner is treated for a medical condition, another should be also.
Follow the link above for more discussion and here is one of the prisoners in question:

Leslieann Manning was born Ronald Manning.

Oh No They Didn't!

Not long ago Mia Macy, an Army veteran and former police detective, initially applied for the position as a man and was told that she was qualified for the job as a ballistics technician. Then she informed the contractor that she was changing her gender. After that, she was told funding for the job was cut. She later learned someone else was hired for the position.
Macy filed a complaint with the ATF, which told her that federal job discrimination laws did not apply to transgender people. The Transgender Law Center, a legal rights advocacy group in San Francisco, took up her case.

Mia Macy (left) with her wife Trish

As you have been possibly reading, her case was brought up to the EEOC and resulted in a landmark ruling that in part said:  the unanimous ruling from the five-member agency does not create a new cause of action. It clarifies that charges of gender stereotyping are considered claims of sex discrimination under existing law.
Until now, Pizer said, it was common for transgender workers to have their complaints rejected by EEOC regional offices and state civil rights agencies due to confusion about the state of the law.
“This is a confirmation that the courts are correct, so public and private employers coast to coast now have the benefit of the EEOC making this clear,”according to EEOC spokeswoman Justine Lisser.
In case you haven't seen her, I'm putting a brave face to the story!

Transgendered Taxation Without Representation

Over the years as an American I have taken my right to vote very seriously.
I have continually told friends who didn't vote, they didn't have a say-even when they said it didn't matter.
As an educated citizen, I have tried to cut through all the smoke screens and BS to vote the best I can.
Now, I have seen my future and have read this article which I'm about to pass along and realize my history of voting could be in jeopardy.. Check it out here.
How sad is it when my civil rights and other transgendered brothers and sisters can't even vote?  It's especially wrong that many such as I have served in the military to supposedly  protect the rights that are being denied?
Just an aside. It is tax time and I'm sure if I didn't pay my taxes because of my transgendered status I would be penalized.
I would like to thank one of my Canadian friends for passing this along!

Quote of the Day

It doesn't matter how you "present". People will see what they want to see anyhow!
A message from "Alex" a close friend!

Transgendered Questions with No Answers

This is just a bit of an addition to my recent "Mirror" post.
The trans woman I quoted and I had also been chatting back and forth about the difficulty in locating a true trans girlfriend. I feel her ideas are relevant enough to pass along.
For clarification I'm talking about a friend to share life experiences with. A person to hang out with and do girl things with.  As it turns out, the person who fills that void in my life now is a genetic woman but I certainly wasn't always that lucky
I am not talking about the huge group who want sex or for me to "dress them up". That's not being a friend.
Here is her question:

"I would love to have a trans woman girlfriend to do things with together.  Women click together, the gay community clicks together like mad (however loosely), gender queers click together, but in my experience the trans community does not click with anyone (gay, straight, bi, or trans).  It really pisses me off.  I don’t get it.  The only place we can really bond with people is online."

As our "chat" continued, I essentially told her how weary I was of endless discussion and no progress. Except for my theory that many in the transsexual culture went to the "promised land" of no return and the grass wasn't so green. They simply missed the feminine essence except for appearance.
 Her reply:

"(I) agree that the feminine essence is neglected.  To me a lot of what feminine means is thinking and caring about others.  It is totally missing in my experience.  I find trans women seem so isolated and disconnected. I don't get it.  That is why I have been going to a gender queer group instead.  I am getting more of what I am looking for and I guess a little less of other things.
I can understand your disappointment.  It would be so nice to have a real life common girlie bond with a like minded trans woman."

I'm weary of the whole deal but still would love to hear from those of you who have had success establishing a girl friend with transgendered experience.
Obviously, I'm just one voice in the wilderness. My experience is just one.
I just don't have any quick answers to any of these questions and I hope my experience does not reflect the attitude of the overall transgender community!
Unfortunately I'm judging our culture guilty until proven innocent.

Trans Women Go Under the Knife.

A look at "Facial Feminization Surgery" recently was featured on ABC News. Here's the intro:
Sarah, now 50, came out as transgender but was still "being clocked" as male.
"You are walking through the mall and someone turns and says, 'Oh, my god, it's a man dressed as a woman,'" she said. "They figure it out."
But that rarely happens anymore. Thanks to facial feminization surgery in 2007, Sarah, not her real name, is living with the face she was believes she was supposed to be born with.
It was the first big step in her new life as a woman and in 2009, Sarah went on to have sex reassignment surgery."

That's the good news for most of us. The bad news is this: costs for the procedure can run into the tens of thousands of dollars. With little or no insurance coverage for the procedure, "FFS" is the impossible dream for someone like me.
Ironically, a natural form of "hormone replacement therapy"-age provides a different blurring of the genders and a glimmer of hope.

"Women become more masculine-looking as they get older, and Spiegel (the featured doctor) is also seeing an increase in interest in surgery among women who are not transgender.
"Why are some women more attractive than others?" he asked. "A big part is as women age and lose their fertility, they lose their femininity."
Their eyebrows descend and get flatter, their cheeks are less full, and with the jowls of aging, the tapers of the jaw disappear."

Unless the Veteran's Administration magically begins to approve this kind of surgery for transgendered vets such as myself, it certainly looks as if the magic of make up will be my best friend!

Transgendered Soldier Comes Home Part II

From Chapel Hill, North Carolina comes a "continuation" story about a transgendered vet.

"On the road from rural North Carolina to the Boston suburbs, Sam Taylor has worn the shoes of a native son, student, soldier, and now, a young woman and religious leader.
“In some ways, I don’t see it as much of a change [but] as a continuation,” said Taylor, who is a transgender woman."
Growing up in a conservative Southern Baptist community didn’t allow much self-expression, Taylor said. Most of her family and friends didn’t learn she planned to come out until she returned with the 1-130th Attack Reconnaissance Battalion from a tour of duty in Iraq.  "
Read the entire story here on the "Chapel Hills News".

It contains an in depth look at one person's coming out process-
Pro and con!

New Post From Sherri Lynn!

I can not say how much I anticipate a new post from this woman!
To start with, she is a transgendered woman and a psychotherapist in Virginia too. I don't believe there are many transgender or transsexual women or men who have not sought or went through counseling. Imagine the benefit of having someone with Sherri Lynn's experience.
We have the second best thing, access to her posts.  Here is part of her latest:

"I'm beginning to get a sense of the new normal. What has been changed is irrevocable. Something has been lost and much has been gained. It's still all such a shock how this came about that I feel stressed, tired and have really not quite integrated the whole experience of my parent's accidental discovery, though I could not have expected a better outcome.

Partly this has to do also with ongoing work stresses that are mounting as the drive for Obama Care pushes the system of medical economics towards its intended collapse so that the new order of health care can be established. (Please note this is not a political rant, just the experience of a front line health care provider. No political responses please). We are being told to see more patients because reimbursement from the government is being cut and that translates into the need to see more patients to keep operating.

 It slows my bouncing back from the highly emotionally charged experience of coming out to my parents in an unintended manner as the numbers of patients I am expected to see increases dramatically. This week I saw 46 patients in a 40 hour week. I owe this miracle of services rendered to my wonderful relapse prevention group that I look forward to running each week. There is no time for a break in a schedule such as this.
,
Self care is the most important way to get back into balance. When one is under stress, good sleep hygiene is important, even crucial. If you can't get your sleep right, nothing else will follow. There are a lot of things one can do besides taking medications; one can listen to soothing music, practice meditation and progressive relaxation techniques. It is helpful to turn off the TV, not read, stay away from video games or anything that is stimulating for at least a half hour before bedtime."


For more, go here!
We d 

Transgendered Vet News

As most of you know, I am a transgendered vet with a transgendered history with the VA.
To make a long story short, my hormone recommendation letter was written by a VA pyschologist. I also have my "meds" filled through the VA but not prescribed yet. What that means is there is no one in my area who feels well enough trained in the transgendered/transsexual treatment field to do it. I'm still awaiting news if the VA will cover my private doctor bills. If they don't I can appeal.
The "Transgender Equality Site" just issued this statement concerning transgendered care and the VA.
Here is an excerpt:
"Building on the June 2011 Directive on the treatment of transgender veterans, the Veterans Health Administration (VHA) has announced a clarification to its records policy that will make significant difference in the lives of trans veterans. Since the Directive has gone into effect, we have received positive reports from trans veterans about receiving more respectful health care. However, one area that the Directive left somewhat unclear was the documentation that was required for veterans to change the gender marker on their health records.
The Directive was very clear that medical records will now reflect an individual’s self-identified gender.  However, the policy also indicated that the individual must provide official documentation as per Veterans Health Administration policies in order to change the gender marker. This was initially interpreted incorrectly by some staff and facilities to require proof of sex reassignment surgery."

The most important and positive part of the post comes at the end:

"This clarification is another important step forward for trans
veterans. At NCTE we’ve been very pleased to provide education and
advocacy to the VA, which continues to be very interested in ensuring
that transgender vets are treated equally. We’re confident that the VA
will continue to move forward and are excited about some great
upcoming programs the VA is planning to provide cultural competency
training to clinical and administrative staff across the country.

In the coming weeks, NCTE will release a user-friendly guide to
changing your VA health records. Until then, we urge trans vets to
read our resources about the June 2011 VHA Directive and the passport
policy and speak with a patient advocate or Social Worker at your VA
facility if you have questions.

VHA Directive: http://transequality.org/PDFs/VHA_Trans_Health.pdf

Passport gender change policy:
http://transequality.org/Resources/passports_2012.pdf

If you have difficulties changing you records at your local VA or have
trouble accessing respectful healthcare, please contact NCTE
immediately at NCTE@transequality.org or 202-903-0112.

Really good information!!!!!

Was It Worth It? Just Another Guy?

I had a response to a post which started something like "Here we go again, another guy who started hormones late in life".
Of course first of all I took the comment as a personal cheap shot and shot back some babble.
But you know, if I put myself out here on this blog that is going to happen. Get over it Cyrsti.
(I need to add I do so much enjoy your comments pro or con.)
As I said, I took this comment personally until I started to think-"well it's true, I am just another guy who started hormones late in life and decided to write about it". Somehow  the fact I quit thinking of myself as a   guy years ago was  lost in the shuffle.
Whatever, I  then took my thoughts a step further and wondered how I got here and was it worth it?
No matter if you are a fully changed transsexual woman or man or a weekend crossdresser at the Holiday Inn Express (which I was accused of) we all have our own very heavy crosses to bear.
Here's how mine was heavy. (I know some of you long time readers will recognize some of this but I'm compelled  to repeat it.)
I started the way many of you did. I knew at a very early age I had something  wrong with my perception of gender. Unlike many of you I grew up in a pre Internet era to WWII/Depression Generation parents.
Yes I did try to come out to my Mom and she recommended electro shock therapy. (Really).
So I tried my best to be the best male I could. Played football, got good grades, went to college and got drafted in the Vietnam War. You know the war that never happened.
 I lived on with the torment of two genders pulling at me but I survived and tried to drink it away.
Then the pieces of the future I could never see began to fall into place. 
When I was discharged from the Army, I really thought about a full time life as a woman. Then crazy things started to happen like a daughter with my first wife who knew all about my gender problems. So I chose not to go the female route and I was the weekend crossdresser for years. It got me by. Sure it was a bandage
on a huge wound.
I can use the years all of this was occurring in the late 70's-early 80's as an excuse. I can't tell you for sure how available hormones and the like were then-still no Internet to buy bootleg drugs from who knows where?
At the age of 30, I lost a business, a wife a couple rental properties and moved to the NYC area with my second wife who also knew of my gender problems. Do you remember how much fun the "recession" was in the early 80's?
The torment went on, but this time I found a new way to get through it. I moved and started to work very hard with my second wife.
She was by my side for 27 years putting up with my sometimes "nasty" temperament when the gender war inside became too great. Through it all she became more than a wife. She became my best friend.
She passed four years ago so I can't ask her "was it worth it" that I didn't go the distance as a girl? All I do know is she had a pretty good idea her husband and best friend would be just another guy taking hormones later in life because I would finally find some inner piece.
Now re-enter daughter. The choice I made not to live a female life before she was conceived proved to be such a blessing today. She totally accepts my decision.
Looking back, karma or destiny or what ever you want to call it gave me the daughter and two wonderful wives as a reward for the gender torment that became so much a part of my life. So being able to be just another guy who is starting hormones later in life was worth it.
My way of repayment is attempting to tell my story for others to see.  No one has to agree or follow in my footsteps, there is  no right or wrong way to live a trans life.
I'm 62 and just retired to write and sell collectibles and yes feminize my body.   Ironically I was 31 when my life changed so radically years ago. To make the whole situation even more spooky is again I lost a wife and a business at this part of my life- and once again I have discovered another person who accepts me for the person I am.
So yes, it's me "just another guy who is starting hormones late in life". Just another guy who spent  a life longing to be the other gender. I worked long and hard to express my inner female long before hormones even came into the picture. If  that makes me less of a trans woman somehow- so be it. I'm thanking  God or karma or whatever to have the chance to be where I'm at today.
Was it worth it? Hell yes.  Could I have been selfish and sacrificed the ones I loved to do this earlier? Hell yes. Am I happy I didn't? Hell yes.
Does the inner girl who has always been with me like it? Hell Yes!!!!

A Painful First!

OK, I knew the feminine path I'm experiencing would have more than it's share of painful lessons.
Over the years I have experimented with such torture as "taping" and such and discovered I hated it. Hormones have started breast soreness and hot flashes.
I attempted to keep my whining to a minimum and I did-until now.
A couple days ago, I developed some sort of arm injury in my upper bicep. How bad was it? Torture when I tried to even put a bra on. So, this is what women go through when they have something as simple as an "ouchy" arm?
Another one of those obscure girl lessons learned and one of the painful ones!

Future Promise!

I never thought it would be possible I would be writing this post.
I now have been on HRT for one month!
It has always been someone elses' story. Not mine.
But it's true, I have jumped off the cliff and am now headed to a physical life which matches my mental one.
I've come to month number one when it's time to put up or shut up as a girl.
As I've passed along, I am feeling basic changes in my emotional state and physical changes are beginning with my breasts.
My hormones were doubled about a week ago and I LOVE it!
Never ever do I wish to hope that times goes quickly and changes come immediately.
With transition in progress though, sometimes I do.
I'll keep you posted!!!!!

Just Say Yes to Transgender Military Service!

The new issue of OutServe Magazine, which is available online and at select military bases and outside of certain installations across the world, takes on what it calls ''The New DADT: Transgender Service.''
One of the six current or former service members who are transgender and profiled in the fifth issue of OutServe's publication, who goes by Bryan in the article to protect his identity, says, ''I want to speak out about it because I know a lot of people are not going to, and I feel like for anything to change … a group of people are going to have to step up to the plate and talk about it … like people did during the 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' repeal.


As a transgendered drafted vet I can not say enough how much I admire the courage of the volunteers in the U.S. military today who are pushing the system for acceptance!

Cyrsti's Closet

This time, I really was in the closet and found an old friend!
The "friend" was a purse I hadn't worn with an outfit forever!
I just had spent an hour working on my own nails( which is a art form I am just attempting to master) so with the nails and the purse, I felt especially good about my overall look.
I was headed to my regular pub for a quick evening of video trivia. My outfit did not need to be anything very flashy.  Jeans and flats and a low cut top put me into the "blend" zone with the other women in the pub.
I'm still enamored with my blond hair and can't wait for mine to get long enough to experiment!
It was certainly fun to find an old friend in the closet!!!!!

Another Wonderful Trans Woman Role Model.

From "Bilerico" comes the story of "Jennifer" a transsexual veteran returning home.

In April of this year, Jenn will complete 29 years of service to her country with honor and distinction. To recap from my previous posts, Jenn began her transition by starting hormones 2 years ago thinking she'd retire from the service after 27 years but Uncle Sam needed her service in Afghanistan. Jenn continued to take her hormones for the entire tour, in fact, in December of 2010 when her prescription was running out, a military doctor in country provided Jenn with a renewal of her prescription! As evidenced by the Army's bestowal of a "Bronze Star" and promotion during her service in Afghanistan, the hormones had no impact and Jenn's ability to do her job.

Jennifer has some solid recommendations for the U.S. Department of Defense as our community presses for transgender-inclusive reforms. She says trans service members should be allowed to transition after "at least six years with a good service record."
Jenn believes that only "career-minded" service members should be allowed to transition if the military is going to pick up the tab for hormones and surgery, with "no retraining required." In other words, a transgender service member must be able to do the job they already have in order to be allowed to transition and stay in the military.
At issue now, however, is Jenn's promotion to Sergeant Major, something she's worked diligently toward achieving these past 29 years. The Army wants her to stay in another three years to complete training for this highest non-commissioned officer rank, which would, of course, mean putting off her transition to living full-time as Jennifer until those three years are up. Jenn says she'll probably retire this spring, which will likely cost her the promotion to Sergeant Major.

Being a transgendered veteran myself, of course this story was of great importance to me!
Follow the link for more!

Overthinking Again!

My doctor's appointment today started the same as any other.
Worry what to wear, hurry to get there-to wait.
Wait I did. Long enough to actually attempt to read a couple "People's" magazines cover to cover.
Finally the Doctor showed up in his bright white coat.
Quick and to the point he asked about my progress and I told him. He then asked if I expereinced any "side effects" and I said no negative ones and I simply "loved the process" so far.
He said wonderful. Let's double your estrogen! Maybe he read my last post?
So I'm the proud possessor of 6 months worth of estrogen and spiro to block that nasty testosterone plus a six month reprieve from the doc!
Life is good!

Trans Fantasy?

It is time for a check up with my hormone doctor today. My primary doc at the Veteran Administration has and will honor the prescriptions the hormone doctor writes. Not a perfect world, but one that works so far.
Here's my fantasy, what if the doc today asks me if I want to up the dosage? What if I ask him for permission?
"Changes" I have felt so far have centered around emotions and breasts.
If you follow my "tweets" here, last night was the first time in my life I almost started to cry from an external source not close to me!
I also am experiencing growth in my breasts under the arms and have started to notice more of a gentle slope from my upper body to the nipple.
I won't lie and say I don't really love all of this. I do and have waited so long.
I also can't lie and say if the process was accelerated I wouldn't be disappointed.
My dilemma is I have rather enjoyed the progress in a very short period of time. (less than a month). So do I mess with a good thing or attempt to make it better?
The appointment is in two hours and I can truthfully say I don't know how to answer the question- so I will play it by ear and listen to what the doc says.
At least in this case, a "no decision" won't be a bad one so I should walking into a "win-win" situation.

READ THIS!

A must read for all of you in a relationship with a spouse. Specifically a wife who is witnessing your transgender situation!
Follow this link.
Thanks so very much for sharing "Sherri". It means a lot!

Girl's Year Out!

As 2012 becomes old news, I certainly have goals to complete.  (I don't believe in resolutions so to speak)
The first three months of the year should be a transition period. I know transition is a big word around here with transgendered individuals-but I mean transitioning into a whole different work and life style. Just because I don't have a formal job doesn't mean I will stop working. Physically of course I will have the chance to experience the changes with the homones.
The three months will also give me a chance to complete another major goal-wearing my own hair. I have passed along several times little bits of info about my hair. I have gone since last fall without getting it cut and the hormones are supposed to help it grow plus BFF suggested Folic Acid.  Folic Acid as I understand is a "B" vitamin which helpd stimulate new hair growth.
Hair, skin and any breast growth I experience leads me to my summer goal of being able to wear frilly sleeveless feminine tops for the first time in my life. Come on Red's baseball in Cincinnati!

So for the second day of the new year that's what this transgendered girl is thinking. I can clearly see the path. Now I just have to travel it!