The "Third" Gender?

I'm passing along a post I wrote on another site in response to a "third gender" question.
I really dislike labels and even adding a new one but here was my response:

"Back in the day" I really never considered myself as a member of a third gender.
I was merely a guy who enjoyed being a girl on occasion and was told I did it rather well.
As life progressed, I found I was much more than a guy in a dress.
I also found I didn't fit in all of the so called transgendered groups.
Discovered I was too much girl for the crossdressers and not enough girl for the transsexuals.  Overally interested men figured I was sexually promiscuous as some gay men or drag queens tend to be. Lesbian or straight women were for the most part just wary and stand offish.
In the midst of all these problems, it occurred to me I was a third gender.
I thought and acted more and more feminine. Innately I was attracted to a softer life with music and even developed a love for "chick flicks."
So here I was, starting estrogen and feeling female changes in my physical body but still remaining a biological male.
Of course ancient Native American cultures (as well as others) believed and even looked up to "dual gender" individuals.  Increasingly, I became more than an interested observer of the cultures-I believed in their gender ideas. Why? Because I was living the life of a Third Gender person more and more.
Casual acquaintances ask me why their opposite gender mates think a certain way and  I am developing a whole new circle of friends who respect me- for me. Curiously, I'm at the same place I always was in the transgendered community with many.
Perhaps it's all just too complex for them or me to understand!"

Trans Fantasy?

It is time for a check up with my hormone doctor today. My primary doc at the Veteran Administration has and will honor the prescriptions the hormone doctor writes. Not a perfect world, but one that works so far.
Here's my fantasy, what if the doc today asks me if I want to up the dosage? What if I ask him for permission?
"Changes" I have felt so far have centered around emotions and breasts.
If you follow my "tweets" here, last night was the first time in my life I almost started to cry from an external source not close to me!
I also am experiencing growth in my breasts under the arms and have started to notice more of a gentle slope from my upper body to the nipple.
I won't lie and say I don't really love all of this. I do and have waited so long.
I also can't lie and say if the process was accelerated I wouldn't be disappointed.
My dilemma is I have rather enjoyed the progress in a very short period of time. (less than a month). So do I mess with a good thing or attempt to make it better?
The appointment is in two hours and I can truthfully say I don't know how to answer the question- so I will play it by ear and listen to what the doc says.
At least in this case, a "no decision" won't be a bad one so I should walking into a "win-win" situation.

Damn Transvestite Homewreckers!

From "Asiaone News"
"Transvestites have become a new threat to the marriage institution, with sex-change surgeries becoming more affordable to men who want to look like beautiful, alluring women, Metro Ahad reported.
Former Islamic Development Department of Malaysia (Jakim) family, social and community assistant director Zawiyah Hassan told the daily an increasing number of mak nyah are flirting with married men without fear of society's backlash.
Zawiyah said it was not surprising to hear of straight men leaving their wives or girlfriends to have affairs with these transvestites, who are said to be more tender, loving and caring in their ways than normal women.
The daily said it now costs RM70,000 for a whole package deal while it used to cost about RM100,000 for either just a sex operation or a breast implant."
 I'm biased but could it be the "the more tender, loving and caring in their ways than normal women" had any impact on these men?
I've always said being female does not make you a woman!

Mak Nyah Sial

It's All Fun Till Someone Puts An Eye Out

Sort of a crazy title? Well no one has ever accused me of taking the easy out or doing things normal.

But what does that have to do about putting an eye out?
Simple! All this time I was having fun and games and it took me this long to find out I was in a game until now.
No more hiding behind the makeup when my male life became too rough. No more weekend forays into the female world.
My life now makes my past seem like playtime.
Not that is bad. Children learn from playing and come out with two eyes. So did I.
All this time I was feeling sorry for myself for having such a late transgendered start. I really wasn't. From the age of 10 or so I was playing and learning in preparation for this part of my life.
The confidence I'm feeling now may be coming from the fact the fun is over and I still have two eyes!

Another Transgender Victory

In Georgia a federal appeals court panel has upheld a lower court ruling that Vandy Beth Glenn (shown above) was wrongly fired from her job as a legislative editor in the Georgia General Assembly. She informed her employer she planned to transition from male to female and was terminated.
Her fight could be appealed to the U.S. Supreme Court but for now at least is a clear cut victory for the transgender community in Georgia.
Glenn, who was represented by Lambda Legal attorney Greg Nevins, said she was “giddy” about the news and especially pleased the panel voted 3-0 in her favor.

Nevins, who used only a few minutes of his 30-minutes granted by the 11th Circuit Court to answer questions from the judges during oral arguments on Dec. 1, said the swiftness of the ruling was a bit surprising. But, he added, the ruling was simple to make.
“The question of whether transgender people can be protected under sex discrimination is answered — they put an end to that,” he said of the panel. “They just didn’t think this was rocket science. This was not even a close call. It’s such a clear statement.”
Nevins said the 11th Circuit Court’s ruling would hopefully be a wake up call to employers who feel they can fire transgender people without legal repercussions. But he also noted Congress needs to pass the Employment Non-Discrimination Act to ensure job protections for all LGBT people.
“It is a very wonderful ruling that clearly states transgender people are protected from this kind of discrimination,” Nevins said.

Validation Void?

Of course you know my inner "drama queen" is working overtime thinking and rethinking  my life changes ahead.
One of her problems is the future reaction to a lack of a solid work experience.
Through out her life a a man, work provided him with validation. No different than most of the male gender.He thrived in pressure macho management situations.
It's no wonder (I guess) the past haunts her as she looks back.
Only time will tell how the validation factor will play out. Not so long ago just going out in public and being accepted as a woman was validation enough. Most certainly that will not be the case in the future.
When the drama queen quiets down, several very real fulfilling validation ideas should become realities.
The first is this blog itself. Since June of 2010 (and 670+ posts) this has become a labor of love. To be able to "pay forward" and help others in any way with my transgender life experiences is huge to me. Having more time to work on the blog and my book is a dream come true. I've even considered trying to do transgendered outreach programs.
On an intensely personal level I want to experience and grow my feminity with close friends and family. While it's true being publically validated as a woman is losing it's importance: being validated as a quality transgendered female person isn't.
Finally, time is growing short and the "queen" finally will be silenced!

The "Natural" Approach to Being Transgender

I'm basically worrying about all the little things as I start the serious transition process.
The same worry I experienced on my first date with a man.
Basically, I worried about remembering how to be a woman. How to sit, talk and communicate, you know the rest. You've been there. Each gender response is partially learned and partially genetic.
When I actually went on the date (and more) I found genetics took over for the most part. My natural inner girl took over as it she was there all time and probably was more than I knew!
As I remembered the process, the future looked immediately brighter!

Say It "Ain't" So!

Sit down and prepared to be SHOCKED!

Khloe Kardashian is being sued by a transgender woman who claims Khloe
beat the crap out of her outside a Hollywood nightclub.

Chantal Spears -- also know as Ronald Spears -- claims on December 5,
2009, Khloe violently struck her "in and about her body," causing
serious injuries.

TMZ broke the story ... the incident occurred outside Playhouse
nightclub on Hollywood Blvd., after Chantal/Ronald allegedly walked up
to Lamar and told him he was "too young to be married."

I'm devastated! I will never watch trash television the same again!

A Time For Thanks?

In a day or so it is Thanksgiving in my world.  I say that because I know a percentage of our community here on the blog doesn't live in the United States. As the "old school" girl I am, I'm flattered, humbled and dazzled by the world wide web.
It's a time of the year when families get together to eat too much turkey and watch more football.
Unfortunately it is also the time of the year when many of our transgendered sisters and brothers are ostracized by critical families.
My two fave girls and I have talked about this being my last appearance as the "patriarch" of my immediate family  Over the past five years or so our family has become bottom heavy with grandkids and yes I became the oldest person in the family.
While I could never picture myself as a "matriarch", obviously I will be quite different in a year.
How will this work?
I have written before of my brothers probable knowledge of my gender situation and my daughter preparing her family but there is a whole other level of family on my brother's side.
My decision is to not jump off any bridges before it's time and to give thanks for what I have.
Even though some of you may not be in an area that celebrates Thanksgiving, hopefully you will be able to stop for a second to give thanks for the gifts you do have. No manner how minor.
Happy Thanksgiving to all!

Out of the Closet.

I brought him out of the closet, dusted him off and used him.
Did he care? Probably not because he was me.
During my tire dilemma Saturday, I had to play macho as completely as I had in years to get some service in the shop I was in.
Interestingly enough it felt so strange to have to do that again.
I learned again what I had always taken for granted, my eyes go far in communication as a girl or a guy.  They were instrumental in staring down one of the big burly workers in the shop and getting him motivated to help me.
I can't tell you I feel guilty about pulling my guy out of the closet but he sure was convenient!
Surely the situation this weekend proves I will miss parts of him when he's gone. 
The same as any separation?

A "Liberating" Week?

Ah! Such a week!
Following my first "Doc" appointment, I went through a serious introspective journey.
I never had any doubts about embarking on the hormone journey and tracing the path to this part of my life became important again.
I'm sure all the questions the Doc asked triggered all of this.
Interestingly, I felt a strange sort of liberation even to the point of not carrying a purse  a couple times. (Wow) I simply carried a small amount of cash and an ID in my pockets and headed out the door. I see many women who don't carry a purse and wanted to see how it was!
Well, I have to tell you I love purses and couldn't live without one for any long term serious trips. What would I do without the essentials of a purse? Makeup, change, money and discount cards and more...really? No purse?
I do however have to tell you it is great fun to stroll along with the shoulders back and the chest out without a care in the world.
So I guess session one of "unloading" on the Doc did liberate me to an extent. Some of you older readers may expect me to burn my bra's next? Well, I have gone bra less on a couple occasions but no purse and no bra is too liberating!
Certainly, the liberation won't last long as session number two is only a week and a half away,
Already I'm wondering what she will ask and of course what I will wear.
I can be such the "girly girl" or a very casual one and both are me. 
Is it a woman's prerogative to change her mind a thousand times? We will find out! Now that's liberation!

She Was A "Bee-atch" Before She Became One!

This is a great quote I wanted to pass along from a friend of mine.
We were discussing the effect of female hormones on men and women.By the way she was born female and had a particuarlly tough time in her late teens and early 20's with hormonal mood swings.
She was very concerned about their effects on me and was I prepared for the worst which was something like she went through.(I am.)
The conversation went on and I did mention a couple sisters who aren't seeming to fare so well in their chosen female gender. Both just don't seem to be nice people and at the least perfected one female trait very well.  They are mean bitches!
She went to the obvious and said "Well you know, they could have been bitches before they became one!".
Love it!!!!!!!!!

"Queering The Tranny"

I stumbled upon this review of a book from the transgendered world that sounds interesting.
This review of "Queering the Tranny" comes from "The Weekender".
No I haven't read it but this portion of the review sounded very realistic and hit home.

"While most people seem to be under the impression that transgender
identification is entirely related to homosexuality, the truth is the
two are not always connected. In fact, Drummond has admitted to a fear
of being thought of as homosexual (which he is not), and is then
forced to study his own stereotyping and preconceived notions about
why that label has such a negative connotation for him.

Stereotypes play a large part in Drummond’s outing process. As he
describes his journey, it becomes apparent that many of his fears are
based largely on his assumption that certain people will react to his
appearance in certain ways based on, in turn, their appearance.

Throughout “Queering the Tranny,” Drummond succeeds at not stirring
pity in the reader, but rather a profound sense of empathy. Without
the context of growing up as a girl, he is forced to simultaneously
learn the rules as he goes while also fearing the scrutiny of a
society that places utmost importance on gender. He offers insight
into an issue that is usually treated as taboo and nefarious, and does
so with a sense of confidence."

As I said from the title to what I read in  the review, Alex Drummond has put into words what so many of us have lived.

KISS..Keep It Simple Stupid

At times (or most of times) I tend to get a bit mystical about how life kind of moves back and forth. I seem to go through phases of female interest and then the guys move back in. 
I've never been able to connect the dots of gender interest to how comfortable I'm feeling. Last night for example I had three women at least say hi.Later I finished the evening with a quick trip through a big grocery store about 10 at night.  I wondered down the aisles dong some light shopping and encountered a larger older handsome guy who was seriously checking me out from a not so sly side glance. From him I passed five girls who probably were in their early 20's who never gave me a second glance and finished with a young black guy looking straight through me. So I guess you can say I was successful..
So any connection? No.
Then in the last two days I have received much more female attention from one of the dating sites I'm on and had an incredible night out with a very close lesbian friend I hadn't seen for ages.
I am intrigued (and shouldn't be) by the gender dynamic I experience.  Women present a much softer dynamic to me; much more lifestyle orientated.  Men of course are "cause and effect". Follow the action with them and all is good.
So any connection? No.
When all of this begins to really heat up, life can be very interesting and confusing.  Then again all of the interaction is just what genetic women go through.
I can get as mystical as I want about all of this but the fact remains it's the life I chose. May as well have some fun doing it!

My Style

I've written and read many articles about women and their style.  I know what mine is but I have a hard time describing it.

I finally saw a picture of my dream girl. (At least today lol)
Well here is my style!
OK I know I can never look like her but I can take certain elements from her example.
Our hair is very similar. The hat is fabulous but would not work on me because I have a big noggin.
Her shirt is very similar to one I own but I have to wear it under a top or jacket because of my arms.
The shorts? Not even. I love them on her. I'm just a lot too old to be wearing those shorts!!!!!
Instead I work with a couple pairs of beat up bell bottoms with holes and a belt similar to hers.
I usually just wear them with flip flops and a long shoulder bag.  As I enter a room I do my best to show off the most important piece of my outfit...My attitude.  
If my model didn't have her shoulders thrown back and that smile on her face, half of the effect would be gone!
Many times the most important part of my outfits escape me due to years of negative conditioning. But hey, I'm working on it!

Diversity at Home

My job takes me to different spots on occasion. Unfortuantely nothing real exciting like the Bahamas! Lol.
As I walked in (I work in male drag) I said hello to all the employees (I knew) and then waited for the new guy to turn around so I could say hello.
When the new guy turned around, he wasn't a guy at all. She wore a burr haircut and a very loose uniform shirt  which almost completely hid her breasts.
I tried to give her the warmest greeting possible of course and proceeded to praise the company's diversity in hiring to others.
In the circumstance I'm in, I'm sure I will not ever be able to find out if she is a real butch or an actual FtM trans. Certainly I can't just walk up to her at work and ask.
The good part to all of this is the crew accepts her as far as I can see and I will get a chance to work with her a couple more times this week. Of course she will get a fair shot while I'm there.
The better part is she doesn't need it.

What Will The Neighbors Say?

Perhaps along the way I should have explained how I come and go from my house as two different genders.
I live in an urban area in a medium sized town.
Over the years I have risked more than just being recognized.  When my wife was alive, there was the fear I would ruin our life if I was recognized by the wrong people. Thank God that never really happened.
When she passed the whole ordeal of being outed was less than a priority. I have told a story or two here when I was. Normally after I brushed the whole story off, the people who saw me talked to a close friend of mine. She refused to lie (that's cool) and said yes that's him...so what?
Fortunately my neighborhood changes quite a bit. Many rent an apartment or house and are gone within 6 months.
Some do stick around and are very interesting to interact with...when I do.
I get a lot of side glances, especially from a teenaged boy I perceive to be trans or gay who lives behind me.
No one YET has asked who is that other person?  If they are asking, chances are they already know.  I'm a very honest person and I have considered my answer...a political style change the subject.
Sure that's me but maybe it's someone else who was visiting that day.
The bottom line is it their problem  not mine.  Maybe they won't be so bored!

"Alpha Guy" and Me!

"Alpha Guy" is always in one of the places I go to a couple random times a week.  Nothing wrong with that except he pounds me at trivia and I have to take it like a girl. lol. "Your so big and strong and smart and I'm so dumb" Just kidding.
Over the course of the past month or so, he has played the "eye" game with me across the bar more than once and has even spoke to me as we pass each other. So I'm thinking this guy may be a little more than intrigued by me.
As luck would have it, he showed up after me the other night and there was a seat or two open close to me. I still decided to stay  to my self and shyly  put off his attempts to talk to me until..We found a strong common interest in music.
We probably chatted for almost an hour and it was time for me to go. I said my farewell and he startled me with his.
 "I will see you man." I started to think "what the hell" ?
I was surprised when his last comment had the "M: word in it and we were all alone.
After thinking the comment through....I thought it was the only way for him to salvage his manhood!
I mean what was he going to say to the rest of the group?
I have to give him credit for stepping forward. Although you never know how much I should give him.He may have had a trans girlfriend somewhere in his past. But I digress from the "man" word.
Maybe it's a competitive guy thing. He didn't want me to think I was getting over on him with the hair clothes and makeup.  Forget the little "eye" games he plays across the bar or how it's always him that
initiates the conversation.
Maybe he just felt a little too overwhelmed with the whole experience. 
I can tell you what "man" the next time I saw him he didn't look my way once...with his wife!

Janie Scores Again!

Well maybe you have to ask her that! lol
Now that I have your attention, a must read from Janie's Blog deserves a mention.
She has a special talent for exploring a very intricate topic and coming up with a wonderful opinion.
Her latest post can be described loosely "What came first, the cart or the horse"
Did her desire to explore and live the female role begin deep inside or appear as the result of other stimuli?
On her blog I added a comment that I feel my journey down this road may have started as a reaction to a male dominated family; teamed with the fact I lived in a rural setting with very few girls.
Maybe I ran and hid from the male expectations in my family to a safe place I really knew nothing about...girls.
Add a fetish or two and boom! there it was.  I have always simply loved being a girl.
Whatever the reason I am the way I am really doesn't matter. "I yam what I yam".
Follow my  link to "CD's Janie's Blog" it will be worth a visit!

Gay/Transdar?

Recently I have found myself in social situations with a couple of gay men. It all happened at work or at a store while I was in guy drag.
This is all so interesting because I have never had a total sexual experience with a guy...ever.  To my knowledge, I have never been remotely "socialized" by a gay man. What I mean is any more interaction than normal pleasantries. Somehow this is more.
Why? I can only guess my recent dealings with men has opened me up on a different level that gay guys pick up on. Somehow the one yesterday did.
I would have never have  predicted my life may go this direction.  Three years ago (as I have mentioned many times) I considered myself at the least...a transgendered lesbian.
Today (if you are into labels) I consider myself a very curious transgendered girl. 
The whole feeling is one of liberation at the least and freedom at the best!
My next post will delve farther into all of this and why I can't be making any of this up!