The Uncracked Egg

 After reading a couple other transgender related posts and talking indirectly to a novice cross dresser who is near my age and is able to finally get out into the feminine world as her old/new self, I came up with the gender being an egg theory. 

Let me explain a bit. 

Not unlike a baby chick trying to break out of the egg, a transgender person is trying to do the same thing when it comes to expressing our gender. Along the way, we have differing levels of success achieving opening our egg and bursting into a brave new world. Everyone is so different, yet so the same. Depending upon the amount of testosterone poisoning we had to endure, Mtf transitioning can be a daunting task. One of the things I had to tell the person I was chatting with last night was try to dress accordingly to where you are going and don't compare yourself to all the other beautiful models and/or trans girls you see on line. But do read up on all the ways you can approve your appearance. And, above all, don't try to dress as a sexy twenty something when you are a half a decade older. However, that does not mean you should dress like your granny. 

In other words, try to enjoy yourself and do the best you can until you are able to be more experienced as a novice cross dresser and/or transgender person. 

I wonder these days too, if the term cross dresser is on it's way out seemingly like the word transvestite did years ago. I suppose it is because recently, the people I have encountered just coming out of their gender shells (or eggs) are identifying themselves as transgender. Of course, the whole subject just makes an already difficult idea even more confusing. 

Looking back at my gender/egg experience, I know I made every terrible mistake in the cross dressing handbook before I settled in to a semblance of finding my way in a feminine world. I can't take any credit for that either because of all the friends who took me in. 

As with any other human life, coming out of your egg is never easy. It's just for transgender women or men, we get a chance to do it twice.

Welcome to the Sisterhood?

 Very early in my Mtf gender transition, I was "ushered" into the sisterhood of cis women by several very well meaning women. Having said all of that, I learned too all women were not real happy with my showing up to play in their gender "sandbox." I also learned quickly the feminine power of passive aggression. Or, I discovered to quickly learn a smiling face could hide a sharp knife heading for my back. 

Take the restroom acceptance for example. One night I remember vividly was years ago when a woman I met briefly at a sports bar was going to the ladies room and invited me to go along. The whole process caught me by surprise and I declined...that time. The next time she asked, I took her up on the invitation and conducted myself well. I took care of business, made sure to wash my hands, checked my makeup and hair and took off. Everything went well with the person who invited me but not so well with a couple other women in the venue. One of which ended up complaining to the manager. He ended up letting a couple play "Dude Looked Like a Lady" three times in a row on the juke box and finally asked me to leave.

Several weeks later though I got my revenge on the jerk after he got fired and two staff members met me in a neighboring venue and invited me back. A friendly attitude and good tipping got me by almost every time. Interesting enough, it was during this time I met another transgender woman who ended up moving away years later after we did some quality partying together at several different venues. One of which had a enormous bar area and a famous two dollar draft beer night on Tuesdays. Most nights, finding a seat was difficult but somehow we managed being the only trans girls in the crowd having a great time. It was in this venue I did meet the two lesbian women I was to become best friends with. And from there too we were able to branch out to a couple other spots in a restored restoration district and have a very good time there too.

I guess you could say I networked my way into the "sisterhood." When I was going out to entertain myself and be alone, I was attracting too much attention to myself. When I was with my friends, I had strength in numbers and in fact had the chance to blend in with their lesbian mixers which I totally enjoyed.

I was welcomed into the sisterhood more than I was ever expecting to do.  

I Did Not Want to Wake Up!

As I read and see all these transgender women and trans girls talk and write about always wanting to be or feeling like a girl-I wonder where did I go wrong?

Was I really a transgender "pretender" or a glorified cross dresser as many were quick to suggest?

In my "spare time" these days I seemingly am turning up more and more gender "history" on myself. First of all, let me point out I could give a rat's ass less what 99% of the people think about me. These are merely a few of my "aha" moments.

1.- Yes, I did wake up some mornings desperately wanting to be a girl.
2.- On Christmas, YES I did want girly things and not boy gifts.
3.- No, I never wanted to hunt and fish with Dad and brother (although I did later embrace fishing later.
4.-Possibly the best story is the year we went on a vacation fishing in Canada and for no reason in particular happened along another car for a stretch of highway time. In the car was a teen girl with what I considered was a beautiful head of long dark hair. I again, desperately wanted to be here. I ended up burying my head in my pillow and tried to dream about being a girl.
5.-Speaking of dreaming, yes I did have many dreams which turned out to be nightmares. I dreamed I was a girl-and woke up a boy-again.

So, there you go. i am not sure there is some sort of a transgender rating system. But that was mine. 

Lisa, Terf's and Transgender Privilege

We mentioned here in Cyrsti's Condo yesterday the embattled Michigan Womyn's Festival final year would be this season. (As announced by terf organizer founder and Lisa Vogel.) By the way,  TERF's are not cute little relations to a "Smurf" toy but bigoted Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminists.

Connie commented: A TERF war battle lost. I guess there's always Burning Man (but why no Burning Woman?).  Good point! Here is my rant on the subject.

Perhaps many of you have heard of the term "Male Privilege." (They think we had it so damn good growing up and existing in a world they knew nothing about.) TERF's are gender victims Somehow, I didn't see Lisa Vogel in the Army draft line with me.  Regardless of all of that - my point is, if we enjoyed all that male privilege, why would we forsake it all to change gender???? Come on Lisa, really?

I also wonder if trans men would be welcome Lisa?  I have seen my share of highly androgynous lesbians. Do they drop their drawers at the gate when they buy tickets? How about if my lesbian partner wanted to go? Would I have to use the side gate? Sure, some trans woman have managed to slip by the gender censors. But are these the trans girls with all the passing privilege in the world? 

Come on Lisa, the only reason I would even have tried to attend your precious festival is because you didn't want me there. So Connie, I would argue, there is no "Burning Woman" because it is a male privilege to get burnt as a "macho" sacrifice. According to Lisa, if both genders are allowed to go, the generics with their birthright can watch. Transgender women or men? We can't be burnt. That's privilege! 

Good riddance to your festival Lisa. As Connie said, another battle lost.

Less IS More!

Among all glitz and glam of cross dressers and trans girls on the internet, every once in a while - I do find a story and picture of what I call a real transition. I featured Alana not long ago here in Cyrsti's Condo in a post called "Going Commando". She replied with more background I thought you all may be interested in!

Wow. Thanks for featuring my photo, There's quite a background story to this picture, taken at 3am. I'd had a 2hr session of electrolysis just before my salon visit. I highly recommend splurging on a good hair salon, even if the visits aren't as frequent, the results speak for themselves. I've been practicing the "natural" look, which doesn't mean not using makeup. In fact I've got foundation, a touch of blush, mascara, three color eyes shadow, thin line MAC eye liner on the upper eyelid, and powder applied to my forehead, nose, and chin, Finally, I'm using a ballerina pink Sephora lip stick, which is very subtle and nearly matches my natural lip color. 

After my salon visit, I went to a transgender support group, had a great time hanging out with our tribe. Finally, I have to admit that I'm weeks away from beginning HRT. I guess my body was already primed to be female, in spite of the pipes. 

Love your blog.
Hugs,
-Alana

Thanks Alana! I think sometimes the point is lost on most - buying the most expensive cosmetics does not necessarily equate to being more attractive. Example? My sister in law last night was bugging me about not having "puffy" eyes like she has. I suggested genetics but then went on to tell her about using a touch of Olive Oil mixed in with my moisturizer/wrinkle cream. Thanks Liz!!!! 

Cyrsti's Condo- The "Balls of the Belle?"

Today, we are featuring a montage of pictures from the cross dressing event extraordinaire-the Atlanta Cotillion :


I have never been, but from the outside looking in with pictures, the event seems to be intermixed with a liberal mix of gay men, cross dressers, and even some trans girls mixed in!

The Most Dangerous Visitor to the "Girls' Sandbox!"

My candidate would be one of the most feminine trans women I have ever known who went through SRS. She was absolutely smart and nice and beautiful. I just can't imagine how a bitchy genetic could not be sliced and diced by this so called passive aggressive trans woman who experienced the male on male side of aggression for 30+ years of her life.  She would have never had an idea of what hit her!

But as a I think about it, another good bet would be a savvy trans girl who has played the gender game for a time. The genetic who picked the fight thought she knew what she was going up against but in the end (and she gets cornered) she knows she only has one real defense. She was born with a vagina. Now though, even that defense is going away with better SRS and even functional uterus transplants in Sweden. Could birthing as the ultimate domain of the genetics be disappearing too?

Rarely have I been ever verbally attacked in the sandbox, but it has happened and it was not pretty. I wore the scratch marks as learning experiences forever it seemed.  Certainly, there will always be a few girls in the sandbox who want to try to make sure we aren't allowed to play.  Sure, we may be a little different but maybe not as different as they want to think!

In a future post, if I'm feeling bitchy, we will take a look at the trans girls' side of the women s sandbox. Where often the real battle is!

Owning It!

Our "Own it Girl" post here in Cyrsti's Condo, continues to generate incredible feedback from some of you regulars-including some who are considering testing the mainstream waters out of the closet.I am going to try to do my best to wrap your idea's and comments around mine.

The positive part of the internet is the realization many of us are in the same gender transition boat-no matter where we live.  Take Jen's comment for an example and compare it with where I am in Ohio or Shelle is in rural Indiana.  I'm relatively sure both Shelle and I would trade you places to begin stepping out of the closet, but then again, our problems doing it weren't all that different.

Jen wrote:

""I work on Hollywood Blvd, very near the Chinese Theater. 

At least several times a week, as I'm either driving to and from work, or out walking to lunch, I notice transgender / cross dressing people. I know there is at least one trans person working here too and she is totally accepted! 

Some are like the person I mentioned, where they are just being themselves, not concerned about being out in public or passing so well (yes they own it!) Of course some you wouldn't pick out at all unless you're looking closely.

I always get a thrill if I notice someone (hope!). Yes guilty - I'm often looking to see if I can notice anyone, because I'm always trying to find "looks" that might work for me when I'm en-femme. I try not to make it obvious :-)"

You addressed a couple very interesting points Jen!  It's interesting to me how all of us "look" for other "sisters of the cloth." Just yesterday, I posted a comment from Pat on how her and her wife have an easy time picking out obvious cross dressers / trans women (with style issues) from the crowd. I am going to write a whole new post on the subject which should post tomorrow. (Pat's Wife and I)

Jen, rest assured,  when you can get to the point where you are at the least comfortable with who you are, you will "pass" better than you ever imagined.  Look, I know it's tough and I'm not just blowing smoke up your skirt (if you are wearing one), just take baby steps! One suggestion though. Chances are, those trans girls or cross dressers who are navigating a feminine society took their clues from the genetic women of the world!  We all know a genetic woman's life is so multi layered she learns early how to present for each situation- so she can "pass" too.  Examples could be shopping, picking up the kids, or going out on Saturday night. Whatever the scenario, she has to own it too.  When she is "feeling it" the world does too!  As we transition, our problem is "syncing up" how we think we ought to feel with reality.  

My HUGE mistake was Jen, I was viewing myself as a woman based on how a man would-not another woman.

Finally, I would dearly love to visit you out there in Hollywood.  Been around the L.A. area in route to Northern California but that's it.

Maybe we could schedule a Stilettos on Thin Ice book signing there and then go north to Seattle and visit Connie?  That's a bunch o books!!!!

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

"Ker Plunk" this Sunday Easter Edition of Cyrsti's Condo just hit your door! (I hope-or look in the bushes!)
Section 1.- Easter.  For some of you, Easter does have a deep religious meaning which of course I respect as I was raised with it.  For others, not so much - or at all.  To me, the right to worship as you please, takes all precedence. On the non religious side of Easter, it was one of a few special occasions as a youth, I especially yearned to be a girl.  Of course, I wanted to be the one in the frilly pastel dresses, white tights and new shoes for Easter Sunday.  Ironically, several genetic women I know tell me how much they hated it and got in trouble continually for getting their new clothes dirty.  My partner Liz's Mom, in particular was never happy with daughter dearest wrestling in church with a boy who went on to be an infielder for the Cincinnati Reds. But you go with the cards that life dealt you the best you can.  I'm sure you all felt somewhat the same around prom time or even Christmas when you were stuck in a suit and the women in beautiful, colorful gowns.

Section 2.- The Week in Review.  For me, the week here in the Condo was a short one indeed because of computer problems. Looking back, we received quite a few quality comments about our "Trans Girl's Guide to Eating Out" post here on the blog and in my email (cyrstih@yahoo.com).  Several zeroed in on my own personal experience of older women being meaner to me than younger ones. In fact though, if you are in the wrong place, at the wrong time, with the wrong person-age does not matter.  Ignorance and bigotry comes in all age brackets.

We all touched on the difficulty of finding a friend of any sorts in the transgender community.  By "friend" I mean someone you can discuss highly unique experiences of say HRT, trans friendly spots and more.  For lack of a better example, the same sort of girlfriend a genetic woman would have. Briefly, severe problems still exist with stealth, closet and trans trolls which make it extremely difficult to find a friend.

Section 3.- Coming Soon!  This week, my first article in Frock Magazine was published.  I'm writing on the subject I know most about-transitioning later in life- and may do more.  In fact, coming up soon, May 30th-June 1st, is the sixth annual TransOhio Symposium in Columbus.  For the second year in a row, I will be doing a workshop on the subject and rolling out my book Stiletto's on Thin Ice-a Transwoman in a Man's World.  In the month of May, I plan on rolling out samples to you here in the Condo.  I can tell you this, it will be E-Published and very inexpensive.

Section 4.- The Back Page  That's it for this week kids!  I just can't get involved with the newest babble about who is transgender enough to speak on the matter, so y'all have a good week and thanks sooooo much for stopping by!!!!

Katie and the Trans Girls!

Carmen Carerra

Recently Laverne Cox and Carmen Carrera stopped by the Katie Couric show.  Katie for the most part has always presented transgender women and transgender men in a very positive light.  Go here for the videos.

Laverne Cox

Trans Girls Just Want to Have Fun

Just a night "out" with the Chorizos on the Cyrsti's Condo big screen:

Trans Safety

Every so often here in Cyrsti's Condo, I get up on my soapbox and preach to the choir about our security as transgender women, or cross dressers or genetic women for that matter.
I'm passing along a video from Egypt which focuses on the huge problem there and I can't image how dangerous life would be there for a transgender woman.

Truth of the matter is, it's dangerous everywhere. Every time I write this post I receive wonderful feedback from women who have been navigating society much longer than I. If you are starting your journey into the world though, it's a whole new experience.

I've heard from trans girls who were bullied and beaten up when they were dressed as a guy too. Been there and came close before I developed a fake macho image.  Of course not to discriminate I have had a couple of real close calls on the girl side too.

Genetic women learn the process early. Simply try to use common sense and not be in places you shouldn't be. What they don't say is you need to develop better senses of who is in the space you are at the same time.

The worst misjudgments come from transgender women and cross dressers who think most type of male attention is great validation of their femininity.  The tragedy is when they get hurt instead of validated. I'm not a "male basher" in the strictest sense but it is no secret how fragile the male ego is and how easily many guys can reach out to violence to save it.

Finally before we take a look at the video, just be careful out there in the world.  The more you become comfortable in your female role, the more you will understand the nuances of safety.  Surely we can't insure nothing will happen but we can cut back on the chances.

Trans Troops

As a transgender vet, one of my priorities here in Cyrsti's Condo is passing along any transgender related service news I can find.
Much of it comes from OutServe Magazine.

This story from OutServe certainly has a "been there-done it" ring to it.  But in this one Evan Young comes from the different side of the gender fence for most of us trans girls here. You see, Evan is a transgender man in the military:

"Underneath my cover, I walk a straight line, returning salutes as I pass. A sergeant salutes and says, “Good morning, Sir.” A warm glow flushes my cheeks, and I reply, “Good morning!” Closer to work a familiar face draws near and salutes; “Good morning, Ma’am.” A heavy feeling of discontent weighs on me, and I return the salute with the grudging reply, “Good morning.” I am a transgender military officer.

Outside of work, I live my life as a man. Once on post, I am female. My short hair and manly features present an androgynous and confusing appearance. I grew up in Arkansas, and knew that many outsiders perceived women there as “barefoot and pregnant” rednecks. That stereotype drove me to move out of the state and join the Army. I wanted to be on an equal footing with men. I found new confidence along the way as my drive to exceed expectations helped me rise through the ranks. Yet, I always had the feeling of being a second class soldier because of my gender. Males have confidence ingrained in them at an early age. Men are encouraged to stand up for themselves and speak their mind. When they don’t, they are often labeled effeminate or called derogatory terms such as faggot or princess. The “stereotypical male” role is enforced by men as well as women. A woman speaking to a man that seems effeminate will treat him differently."

I have several transgender veteran friends who have wondered with me what life would be like in today's military as a trans person-walking a precarious gender line.

To read more of Evan's insight,  look here.

Big Hair Drag from the 80's

Big hair was heaven for trans girls and cross dressers who could afford it in the 80's.  Here is a vintage drag queen video on the Cyrsti's Condo big screen:



Was it in the 1980's when the phrase was introduced "Is that your hair? Yes, I bought it!"

Transgender Girls in the Dating World

Recently I came across a post called "Would you be seen with me?"
The stark simplicity of the question is certainly a subject most transgender women and men have thought of.

If you are out and about and date-it's an all encompassing question. Especially if you do- or are considering dating men-it's a bigger question.
Before I comment, here is an excerpt from the post written by Racheal McGonigal (right)

"So who is up for a date? It is not really the right question to be asking. It should probably be, who is prepared to be seen out on a date with me? It takes a very special man to date a transsexual and that is a shame. Believe me, men love transsexuals but being seen with them is a different story."
t is some eight years since I have been in a relationship and I miss the closeness and cuddles. Recently, I meet a really nice guy. Average to good looking, fit, can communicate, we get on. First date went well, we meet in a bar and I admit I have never felt like this before. He told me he felt the same and so he stayed the night, both of us saying it was never our intention. Next day we walked hand-in-hand around the viaduct, ate in cafes and drunk in bars. We played pool and he never batted an eye lid. The romance continued. He has come to my place and stayed the night several times but now I see a problem: he is scared of what his 18-year-old son, middle-aged beer drinking flat mate, former partner and workmates will say. He says he doesn't care, that he wants us to be friends and has similar feelings for me, but he won't introduce me to his circle. Peer pressure. Time will tell what will happen between us but he is a special man. It is a hard choice when it's the bigotry of friends that put this pressure on him."

I'm far from being an expert at dating a man.
Here's my record over the past four years: One was a prince, one moved away, one so-so and four just out and out stood me up. I'm certain I would have been twenty times more popular if I would have accepted the ever so popular "which hotel do you want to meet at?"
Obviously, I didn't have to be told I was not the kind of woman a man would bring home to his family nor did I ask. But I was also not the sexually easy stereotype we trans girls fight through.
Look, I'm sure in many ways we transgender women are experiencing the same dating trials and tribulations as genetic women. Also, my older lesbian friends tell me their dating scene is nearly impossible to be a success in (at least around here).

I've written so many times how wonderful it is to have my little circle of friends...all of whom are genetic females...if that tells you anything!

Trans Girls and the Womanless Pageant

Over the years here in Cyrsti's Condo we have discussed Trans Girls and Womanless Pageants.
The overwhelming amount of particpants are obviously just in it for the fun or the charity benefits or whatever.
Others however just might let some of their cross dressing style come through and some of the others on occasion flaunt it.
I know over the years, I have discussed with a couple of transgender friends the "what if's" of a womanless pageant opportunity in our past. When I grew up, there just weren't any. If there would have been any, it would have been a good chance I could have been a little reticent in participating. I would have been afraid someone would have noticed I enjoyed the process a bit too much.
I recently discovered a video which shows the whole process and includes only six contestants.
As I started to watch it, I almost turned it off.
The first two participants were wasting my time. Two guys in beards and dresses. Then came number three.
The third contestant was a no doubter. The lack of body hair in the right places, the mannerisms and the way he negociated the heels showed this was likely not a first time experience.
Interestingly, number 4 was almost the same-prettier but not as accomplished. I did think perhaps he had some coaching. (and loved it)
Number 5 was a copy of one and two and then came number 6.
Six (I thought) was probably performing as a drag queen in a club later on that evening.
The video comes from Lake Arthur, Louisiana courtesy of the Cajun Traveler:

One is Company-Two is a Crowd

Probably by now you have heard the story about the transgender group who was asked not to come back to a bar they had been frequenting for years.
Ouch!
Of course I'm biased for the trans girls but I'm going to pass along some reservations and some paranoia's I have.
The reservations come from my past and stories which have been passed along by some friends.
When one goes out with a group of mixed trans girls, you could be grouped with anyone from cross dressers, transgender and the occasional transsexual. The problem? Occasionally you will have a joiner who doesn't chose to conform to a feminine lifestyle. Meaning he's the one who has the dress on and is still smoking a Cuban cigar in the corner. A bit of an exaggeration I know- but you get the point. If this begins to happen, then the group becomes more of a problem for the owner.
The reason I bring it up is that I saw it in my past and have a close friend who posted a similar story to me a year or so ago. She was reluctant to join a group in her town who met every Friday night.  Not only did some of the participants chose not to act feminine, they seemed to go out of their way not too.
Another huge problem I see could be the rest room.  Unless the establishment is one of the rare ones which has gender neutral rooms- it's a lose lose situation. Hetero-normal folks don't match well some of the time with trans folks in the rest room. Yes I have seen the occasional cross dresser at the urinal or standing up to pee in the woman's room.
These reservations lead me to my paranoia over the years of sharing my cherished non gay venues with other trans women.  Truthfully, I rarely encounter anyone who does but there is certainly a fear factor built in.
As we all know, looks are one thing but actions and the accountability for them are another.
I wonder if that is what happened to the trans women who were asked not to return?
If it wasn't, and someone who visits Cyrsti's Condo knows the indepth story-I will find out ( I'm sure!)  and comment from there!

Trans Wreck Part Deux

Thanks for all the response!
Some of you have emailed me having not unraveled the Google process to comment here. I think you have to have a Google account of some sorts?
Janie, who I will post her comment in a bit-I had to establish a "Wordpress" account to comment on your blog. These are times I wish I was more computer literate.
No I didn't derail, back to the Wreck and Janie's comment:

"I do believe there are girls out there who transition for the wrong reasons. It is an awfully big decision to make in one's life and unfortunately the gatekeepers do not really properly restrict the availability of hormones and SRS to those for whom it is needed. I expect that profits and politics are the chief reasons for this. There is a line than needs to be walked between not being unduly restrictive with transsexuals who need these things and preventing those who don't from making a big mistake. If what you say about this woman is correct, someone in the system should have told her, "No." It is so hard for us to understand ourselves sometimes and we need others to do their job."

First and foremost I agree.  One word can describe one trans girl's dilemma: "Thailand".
Back in the day a transgender woman had to live a year as a female before a reputable clinic in this country would do the SRS surgery. Now the standards are cash and slash.
Right or wrong, I don't make any value judgement on any of this. I have a hard enough time with my own life.
BUT! I do wonder sometimes when I see a show where a person still living as a man is shown shopping for a feminine wardrobe before heading for SRS in Thailand. With the hormones he still looks as a effeminate man and after the surgeries he does look as an attractive middle aged woman. Wonderful but I still wonder if he got to live as a woman enough to make such a crucial decision.
We all have to know looks are just a gateway to a "jenderjump". The world is different. I've spent two years now writing about it!
As a group we are no different than any other culture. We make mistakes too.
What separates us is we seem to take such pleasure on feeding on our own.
Cross dresser, transgender or transsexual; a trans wreck is never pleasant but never should be a cause to attack others. 

The Socialization of Transgender Numerology

I'm thinking about now I have spent way too much time on my latest pet theory.
Just when I want to put it all to rest and enjoy passing along simpler fun posts about the effect of the hormones I'm on-there is more from "Natalie Reed":

"While cis girls, throughout their socialization and lives in our
culture, internalize cultural messages about ideal womanhood as a
demand of what they need to be in order to be considered valuable,
desirable, good women, they have the comparable “advantage” of at
least already being girls / women (or at least already having that
assignment). Trans girls, though, are subjected to those same messages
but internalize them as what is required to manifest womanhood at all.
We’re swimming upstream against our gender assignment, and if THAT is
what “being a woman is all about”, THAT gets internalized as the
standard we need to live up not simply to be loved and valued, but in
order to simply be read and perceived as ourselves. In other words,
while cis girls internalize it as what they need to be in order to be
good girls, trans girls internalize it as what they need to be in
order to be.

This ends up creating a whole lot more existential urgency in a trans
woman to live up to the cultural standards of womanhood. For us, the
question driving our self-hatred and self-consciousness over stupid
things like our body not meeting arbitrary-cultural-standard-of-beauty
#2677 isn’t as relatively easily conquered as the desire to “fit in”
or be “good”. It’s instead driven by the pressing need to exist, to be
embodied, to be seen by others and understood as who we are rather
than who we aren’t.

So when we’re told that we’re failing to live up to one of those
morphological standards, the consequence isn’t a feeling of “Oh shit,
I guess I’m not a proper woman”. It hits us much, much more deeply. It
undercuts our fundamental sense of being."

Natalie Reed comes up with very good points and you can read more here.
Now, lets see...about those hormones....

Interesting Problems

As our springtime weather has finally settled in here in my little part of the world, the need for severe lawn care is upon me.
I don't have a lot of property and over the years I have let several of the old garden areas go wild.
This year however, I want to be organic hippie girl and plant herbs for a friend of mine to use in her products and grow some tomatoes, peppers and oregano to use in cooking later this summer.
So here I am with a couple of dilemmas. First it's warm and second I don't want to risk a farmers tan on my neck and arms if I'm out with a t-shirt on. (A farmers' tan comes up your arms to where the shirt starts-not exactly complimentary with a sleeveless top.) The hormones are working and my breasts are beginning to take on a very feminine shape so taking my shirt off is still barely in the realm of possibility. I'm very fair skinned and have never been able to tan so lotion is a necessity too.
I do have a high wooden fenced in yard so privacy is very good.
So, solution? Go topless?  Put on one of my sleeveless tops to do the work. I have never owned one of the male sleeveless t shirts so I didn't want to put out the money now for one of those.
What I did do was find the biggest old T-shirt I had and "customized" it with a pair of scissors.
Being the fashion designer I am not, I cut the sleeves off and cut around the neck line to expose more shoulder and only stayed in the sun for about 5 minutes at a time.
I realize as the hormones keep working their magic none of this will be feasible. For now though, today was like most everything else in my life-in transition!