Cyrsti's Condo Packing 101

Similar to so many other "jender jumping" issues, packing for a trip is yet another!
The days of tossing jeans, t shirts, socks and undies into a suitcase are gone. Not only did I have to plan for all the female accessories I would need, I had to plan for four to five days worth.
Of course the makeup was the easy part and my new "natural" hair style helped me not agonize over a wig. The hard part was planning outfits.
I was fortunate in that the entire trip was female casual too so I could mix and match sweaters, tops and jeans.  I think I would have only needed an extra top or so to have done better. The whole trip was an ideal starter venture for me but not without quite a bit of angst.
Finally, I shook off my considerable indecision on clothing choices and just started packing....everything. This  was huge! The whole process reminded me of how full circle I have been able to come since the cross dresser meetings I attended years and years ago. As it turned out, the feelings were just the beginning of how weepy I would feel later in the trip.
I know you are dying to know what I forgot!  It turned out to be just a minor article-my jacket. Really? Yes I did but I was lucky.
My drive to meet my friend for the trip was nearly an hour and a half away and for one of the very few times in my life I was running ahead of schedule. On the way, I had time to stop and shop at a deep discount store for some sort of jacket.
Amazingly enough I found a very nice sweater jacket at a very nice price AND it was the only one they had AND it was my size. The last time that happened was when all the planets aligned with some sort of esclipse of the sun.
So, as with most other life experiences, Packing 101 wasn't as easy or as hard as I thought it would be!

Mentally Ill

Until very recently, I wasn't totally aware I was automatically labeled as mentally ill by the psychiatric community.
I knew that sometimes I viewed myself as slightly off kilter when compared to most of societies "norms".The deal was for the longest time, I did attach quite a bit of it to my gender dysphoria.
Much later in life, I finally figured out all my mental restlessness and my basic disregard for authority had absolutely nothing to do with what side of the gender fence I was on.
If there is a gene which triggered my "jender-jump" then is there another which triggered a "who the hell are you to tell me what to do?" gene?
When I can't sit through a conversation without thinking of two or three alternatives-does that make me nuts?
Certainly both of those traits carried through to my feminine life.
If you want to use the "N" words (normal or nuts) to describe an overall mental state, then go for it.
I truthfully found both be rather impossible.
Anyone who I tried to slap the normal word on proved to be a huge mistake. They weren't but what the hell is normal anyhow?
Now I have known a few folks over the years who were clinically unstable but nuts?
No, I find I migrate towards nuts as a positive.
What's better than a person who views society as a platform to live their life on as they desire?
Now I'm sure there are more than a few societal peeps who toss me in that nuts category because I'm living my life in the gender I chose.
So, since the mentally ill label for me has now been shifted to a kinder and gentler gender dysphoria, I feel better.
Now I can go on with my life with a quiet pride of being nuts...now if I can keep that damn squirrel out of the Condo....

Jender Jumping into No Return.

Early in my life I was afraid to jump into the female gender too completely. What if I never got back?
Of course more went into it such as family etc. Bottom line is that after a big night out of the closet, three times out of four I didn't want to go back.
I was grumpy with all around me and generally just difficult to live with because I was having a difficult time living with myself.
As I rationalized and rethought my gender situation a reoccurring thought came up. If I went too far, could I even find the closet again. Did I want to make that huge "jender jump"? Obviously I felt like a daredevil stunt person getting ready to jump over the Grand Canyon. Scared to death.
The problem becomes a monster is usually chasing us to the brink and it's tough to find the best place to jump.
Absolutely no easy answer here no matter what label you identify with: Cross dresser, transsexual, or transgender.  Some of us take a series of small jumps and others take the huge leap to SRS quickly.
I took the smaller jumps. Not right, not wrong-just my direction over the jump.
Whatever decision you decide to make, only was thing is certain. Most unknowns are never as good or as bad as imagined.
The stronger you are, the better you jump!

Trans Wreck Part Deux

Thanks for all the response!
Some of you have emailed me having not unraveled the Google process to comment here. I think you have to have a Google account of some sorts?
Janie, who I will post her comment in a bit-I had to establish a "Wordpress" account to comment on your blog. These are times I wish I was more computer literate.
No I didn't derail, back to the Wreck and Janie's comment:

"I do believe there are girls out there who transition for the wrong reasons. It is an awfully big decision to make in one's life and unfortunately the gatekeepers do not really properly restrict the availability of hormones and SRS to those for whom it is needed. I expect that profits and politics are the chief reasons for this. There is a line than needs to be walked between not being unduly restrictive with transsexuals who need these things and preventing those who don't from making a big mistake. If what you say about this woman is correct, someone in the system should have told her, "No." It is so hard for us to understand ourselves sometimes and we need others to do their job."

First and foremost I agree.  One word can describe one trans girl's dilemma: "Thailand".
Back in the day a transgender woman had to live a year as a female before a reputable clinic in this country would do the SRS surgery. Now the standards are cash and slash.
Right or wrong, I don't make any value judgement on any of this. I have a hard enough time with my own life.
BUT! I do wonder sometimes when I see a show where a person still living as a man is shown shopping for a feminine wardrobe before heading for SRS in Thailand. With the hormones he still looks as a effeminate man and after the surgeries he does look as an attractive middle aged woman. Wonderful but I still wonder if he got to live as a woman enough to make such a crucial decision.
We all have to know looks are just a gateway to a "jenderjump". The world is different. I've spent two years now writing about it!
As a group we are no different than any other culture. We make mistakes too.
What separates us is we seem to take such pleasure on feeding on our own.
Cross dresser, transgender or transsexual; a trans wreck is never pleasant but never should be a cause to attack others.