A Choice?

Yesterday here in Cyrsti's Condo we explored the issue of trust when it comes to novice transgender and/or cross dressing women. During this post, I would like to preach to the choir concerning choice. 

The problem we have is as we come out is a severe problem with being selfish in our drive to discover our true selves. Often, we are so frenetic in our approach, we have a tendency to forget those around us. All of a sudden, we are stuck between a rock and a hard place. The rock is family, finances and friends the hard place is the fact we really don't have a choice.  The pressure increases if you are considering hormone replacement therapy. Unless you are on a radically different regiment than I am, you can say goodbye to most sex lives as you knew it. The prospect didn't bother me as much as some because in my own way, I had approached sex to me as being between two women anyway. Which did not meet with success in the bedroom with my wife. 

As selfish as all that was, it was the only way I could save my own life. I can't tell you how many times I wished I could just cross dress every now and then to decrease my desires. It just didn't work that way with me.

All of this led me to massive fights with my wife, especially on the occasions when she caught me breaking our pre approved cross dressing curfews. I remember vividly the day she told me to be man enough to be a woman and leave our relationship behind. As you can tell, she was wiser and I was stubborn. I had yet to realize being a woman was not a choice with me. Once I did, she had passed away before I made a total Mtf gender transition.

If you are a better person than I, try to look into your soul and take the gender path which is the most natural to you.

More Growth

As a few of you may know, I share the Cyrsti's Condo blog content over several different social media or blogging platforms. I have decided to share this well thought out and wonderful comment from Jen concerning the "There is no Growth without Change" post from one of the other platforms:

"What a hard time it had to be when you had these earlier experiences of your journey. I’m glad you had the courage and took the chances of making those first purchases. If not, by letting that fear hold you down, you probably would have struggled by not getting to live your life to its fullest and be who you are today. Also, that question probably would have always haunted you, “What if..”

Now days, I know its not completely 100% accepted by society to dress and live as we wish. However, this generation has help along the way with things such as support groups, internet tutorials, television and with the lifestyle starting to be more common. (though we still have a long road ahead) What I’m saying is the gratitude for you, my beautiful friend and others that have taken on the hard part to pave the road to our future generations. I know for a fact that suicide can be a factor in the torment that one suffers just to live as who they are. I lost a dear friend to this. My friend was humiliated and publicly found out of his lifestyle. It affected his job and when his mother found out, he couldnt take the pain of the disappointment that he felt he put on her. My heart still to this day breaks. It shouldn’t have been that way. He wasn’t hurting anyone yet the stones were cast until it finally took his life.

I am so very grateful for the road that is being paved for the generations to come. So hopefully people will not have to live secretly having the fear of rejection, cruelty, guilt and disappointment of this world come at them, trying and tear them down. This road is being paved by you and others that have opened up and share their stories that I hope will reach the one feeling alone and feeling as though they have no choice and have to live a miserable life in hiding or even implicating suicide. Thank you. By discussing these things and others being open minded, it may save the one who’s suffering by this world being able to accept and not discriminate.
That very person may come across this blog and find the support and encouragement they need to live and not only to live, but to live the life they want and know that they are not alone. Thank you for sharing. "

Thanks to you for commenting!

Quote of the Day

"We spend so much time disguising ourselves to others, we end up losing track of who we really are" .
unknown

Being a Political Transgender Person

By nature I am a political person. Raised in the shadow of the Kennedy's and Martin Luther King's assassinations, I felt the hypocrisy of a truly great country which over the years had been very slow to equalize basic rights to all it's citizens. The so called "white male privilege" did buy me an all expense paid trip to Southeast Asia and infantry training.  So why should I complain?
Now it seems, I occupy a unique political spot. I'm old enough to be the offspring of a true "greatest generation" parents and even older grandparents. My paternal grandmother used to tell us stories of going to the Ku Klux Klan meetings in a wagon. Of course I was wondering about my own gender and why people couldn't look past color to co exist as she was talking.
Then there were those old pesky ideas of equal rights. It took until 1920 for the Nineteenth Amendment to give women a national right to vote and the 1960's to get the Equal Rights Bills passed. So what the hell, why wasn't this country practicing what it preached as far as freedom went? It was always too easy to say- well we are better than any other country. Just exactly what does that mean?
It means to me as I read news about the Canadians, Argentina and others making progress in transgender rights I get upset.
I get upset because I feel essentially powerless.
I do join on line causes,  write this little blog and do my best to present myself as a proud transwoman to the public.
On the other hand I see many of the bigger mainstream transgender blogs who seem more interested in endlessly debating terminology than making any significant difference.
Finally, I have never stopped being a competitor and I want my country to be the best it can and the belief we can get there!

Being Transgender and Religious

Admittedly I'm more spiritual than religious but I watch with interest of course those transsexual and transgender  folks that are.
Of course I could go on a righteous rant about those who use what organized religion they chose to fabricate reasons to beat us down. When I see us get rejected and trashed from the pulpit (or wherever) it just reinforces my thoughts of hypocrisy concerning most organized religions.
I just have never believed a higher being really cares how I feel about my gender. I do believe the higher force does believe how I treat the world is important!
So, when I see transgender or transsexual people stepping up to protest and attempt to affect change in their religions- I have more than a passing amount of respect!
Here's a story featured on the "Institute of Religion and Democracy" site about two of those people!
Read more here.
While I'm editorializing, I do fear a right wing religious backlash on our hard earned gains!

United Methodist Layperson Giselle Lawn and Pastor David Weekley spoke Wednesday about their experience as transsexual persons. (Photo credit: Institute on Religion and Democracy)

 

 

Huh?

"This creation of an illness is not a trans centric concept.  It
postulates, fundamentally, a variance that is undesired in the greater
population, and, in this case, this variance is considered harmful in
and of itself. In my seeking to work and promote a trans centric
understanding of things, this fell under my sights that long ago time
and I did my usual thing of sitting on a rock like stool and assuming
a famous pose of an elbow on a leg, head resting on a fist, and
peering forward into the vagaries of that which lies behind my eyes.

In other words, I sat and thought about it.  Thunk on it, in the vernacular."

Afterwords, I sat and thought about it and thunk on it and said Huh?
Just to prove I didn't make this up...go here.
All this time I was kicking myself for not making it through the sixth grade without new crayons.

Interesting Problems

As our springtime weather has finally settled in here in my little part of the world, the need for severe lawn care is upon me.
I don't have a lot of property and over the years I have let several of the old garden areas go wild.
This year however, I want to be organic hippie girl and plant herbs for a friend of mine to use in her products and grow some tomatoes, peppers and oregano to use in cooking later this summer.
So here I am with a couple of dilemmas. First it's warm and second I don't want to risk a farmers tan on my neck and arms if I'm out with a t-shirt on. (A farmers' tan comes up your arms to where the shirt starts-not exactly complimentary with a sleeveless top.) The hormones are working and my breasts are beginning to take on a very feminine shape so taking my shirt off is still barely in the realm of possibility. I'm very fair skinned and have never been able to tan so lotion is a necessity too.
I do have a high wooden fenced in yard so privacy is very good.
So, solution? Go topless?  Put on one of my sleeveless tops to do the work. I have never owned one of the male sleeveless t shirts so I didn't want to put out the money now for one of those.
What I did do was find the biggest old T-shirt I had and "customized" it with a pair of scissors.
Being the fashion designer I am not, I cut the sleeves off and cut around the neck line to expose more shoulder and only stayed in the sun for about 5 minutes at a time.
I realize as the hormones keep working their magic none of this will be feasible. For now though, today was like most everything else in my life-in transition!

From Pretty Boy to Beautiful Girl

Here's a video I thought you all may enjoy. One of the benefits the boy in the video starts with is a "female ready" body!

Spring Beauty

Check the "Boutique Page" for more!

Comments!

Anne, once again for your edification I am going to point out your replies have been posted to the proper posts.
You simply must go to the posts to view them.
I know it must be hard for you to believe, I do have a life away from the computer screen and yes I could take your rants and make a separate post with them.
Then again, I don't have the time or inclination to do that. So, in the meantime you must take the effort to go to the post and see your replies have been posted.
As always Anne, your reply will be posted here on this particular post. 
I wish I had the power over Google Blogger to change the platform of this blog. I get the replies and they are posted...simple as that.
Secondly, I didn't set this up as a pure forum although comments and replies are always welcome. I just don't want to get bogged down into personal attacks which are so common in our community. In your life Anne perhaps you have been to meetings that get bogged down with minutia which can only be described as committee work. If person "A" wants to comment on what person "B" said in comments to this blog then they should establish contact with each other and go at it. That goes for me too Anne, like anyone else you are free to email me with any personal attacks you may have. My Email Anne is posted here.
Also Anne, this blog is for my own edification. I put the time and effort to love it, nourish it and put a lot of work into it. I'm sure you know Anne the amount of time to undertake something like this-AND the opinions expressed here are only mine and I never claim or claimed to be an expert.
My only goals are to help others with my experiences-to do the best I can. Everyone does not have to like me or agree with me!
Finally, I don't have the knowledge or time to change the entire platform of this blog to set a comment/forum style format you desire Anne. Certainly I'm working on it but in the meantime Anne, I afraid you are going to have to follow Google's rules that I didn't establish.
Someday I would love to meet you in person Anne.  Some tell me most people are much different in attack mode when they have to do it in person looking a person in the eye. Computers and social media have certainly have changed the dynamics the ideas of interpersonal communication. I guess I'm just old school.

We Have Comments!

Once again the "Google Gods" have seen fit to save all the comments and toss them all in today. For all of you who sent them in THANKS and I will answer all today!
Promise!!!!

Cyrsti

Why We Owe Black America a Ton of Credit.

Recently the local PBS (Public Broadcasting System) channel in my area ran a documentary about the black civil rights struggles in the deep south in the early 1960's. The marches, protests and boycotts by the black community led to the Civil Right's Act of 1964. (from Wikipedia)
"The landmark legislation was a piece of legislation in the United States  that outlawed major forms of discrimination against African Americans and women, including racial segregation. It ended unequal application of voter registration requirements and racial segregation in schools, at the workplace and by facilities that served the general public ("public accommodations")."

What is happening now is that transgendered and transsexual groups are using the legislation to argue we are one of the remaining groups in our country still being denied rights as Americans under the law.

"The bill was called for by President John F. Kennedy in his civil rights speech of June 11, 1963, in which he asked for legislation "giving all Americans the right to be served in facilities which are open to the public—hotels, restaurants, theaters, retail stores, and similar establishments," as well as "greater protection for the right to vote." Kennedy delivered this speech following a series of protests from the African-American community, the most concurrent being the Birmingham campaign which concluded in May 1963."

In 1964, I was in my early teens and of course followed all of this. Little did I know how it would affect me later!

"Weakly Horrorscope"

Here we go friends another "horrorscope" from the Frisky!

Who cares how things get done this week, as long as you haul ass and get all your ducks in a row. As it goes, you need to be on point with your plans now and know what you want. No more putting up with excuses or thinking, “Why me?” as the world can’t wait for your genius for one more day. Bring it or back out.

Sure it's weak but true!!!!!!

Still no Word and One "Mo" Picture

A week or so ago, a friend told us that blogs devoted to the doings of the beauty pageant circuit were reporting that 23-year-old Jenna Talackova had made it to the finals as a contestant in the 2012 Miss Universe Canada pageant.   The reason of course the story made to this major stage,  is the 6'1 statuesque blonde is transsexual.
As soon as it was reported...it went away and still is in limbo.
In the meantime, couldn't resist another picture of Jenna!
Didn't think you would mind!

Are Women More in Tune with the Earth?

I remember an advertising campaign for a skin lotion a couple years ago which said something like "your number one fashion accessory this summer will be skin!"
As the warm season approaches in my part of the world I have used liberal amounts of hair removal cream and lotion to get ready.
Every time this time of the year rolls around I wonder if women are more in tune with the envioronment as a whole. I know there are no absolutes but it seems you see women wear fewer clothes from hair to toe.  Women get cold faster and warm faster than men  and even have a tendency to wear shoes less and go barefooted.
I have heard scientific evidence that skin is an attraction to men.
If my number one fashion accessory this summer is skin, I will be in fashion trouble. On the other hand to be finally able to be comfortable in spring and summer fashions is a dream come true for me.
I don't know why the extra pleasure I derive from wearing flip flops, summer jeans and a sleeveless top is so much more than taking your shirt off as a guy. Whatever clothes I put on it, it's still my skin and it's still the same air here in Ohio.
One thing is certain, I hope the new feelings never go away!

Trans Women Go Under the Knife.

A look at "Facial Feminization Surgery" recently was featured on ABC News. Here's the intro:
Sarah, now 50, came out as transgender but was still "being clocked" as male.
"You are walking through the mall and someone turns and says, 'Oh, my god, it's a man dressed as a woman,'" she said. "They figure it out."
But that rarely happens anymore. Thanks to facial feminization surgery in 2007, Sarah, not her real name, is living with the face she was believes she was supposed to be born with.
It was the first big step in her new life as a woman and in 2009, Sarah went on to have sex reassignment surgery."

That's the good news for most of us. The bad news is this: costs for the procedure can run into the tens of thousands of dollars. With little or no insurance coverage for the procedure, "FFS" is the impossible dream for someone like me.
Ironically, a natural form of "hormone replacement therapy"-age provides a different blurring of the genders and a glimmer of hope.

"Women become more masculine-looking as they get older, and Spiegel (the featured doctor) is also seeing an increase in interest in surgery among women who are not transgender.
"Why are some women more attractive than others?" he asked. "A big part is as women age and lose their fertility, they lose their femininity."
Their eyebrows descend and get flatter, their cheeks are less full, and with the jowls of aging, the tapers of the jaw disappear."

Unless the Veteran's Administration magically begins to approve this kind of surgery for transgendered vets such as myself, it certainly looks as if the magic of make up will be my best friend!

New Video

Check "Eileen Fisher's" video in Cyrsti's Condo's Home Entertainment Center!
This next video "Crossdresser Pin Up Montage" is so much fun, I decided to leave it here!

So You Want to be a Girl Part II

As promised, "The attack of the Toilet Paper Monster!"
As I was told by a genetic female friend of mine, "TP" is not always a girl's best friend and we all learn the hard way!
This happened to me a couple years ago when I was out and about shopping till I dropped and had to potty.
I was in one of the big box stores when the urge hit and I headed for the restrooms. Fortuanately, the women's room was deserted and I took care of business, washed my hands, checked my hair and headed back out into the store.
I was about half way to the entrance when a clerk came up behind  me and said "Mam, Mam"! Naturally, my first reaction was I was going to be busted for using the bathroom but no I wasn't.
She very nicely pointed out to me the two foot length of toilet paper I was using as a tail. OMG was I embarrassed!
I guess I know now that women are doing a little more than checking to see how their rear ends look in those jeans in the rest room mirrors. They are checking to see if that mean old "TP Monster" didn't attack!

So You Want to be a Girl?

A friend of mine (genetic female) gave me an idea for a couple posts which are fun to look back on but were not so funny at the time.
Every once in  a while I will chat with a novice trans person who is fairly sure that beautiful feminine creature staring back at her from her mirror at home is enough to establish her life in the world.
Of course "back in the day" I felt much the same way. To make matters worse, I felt the female gender had it so much easier. Back in those days, girls didn't get drafted, just had to wait for guys to ask them out-blah, blah blah.
Along the way, I found those thoughts were as much fiction as a "Stephen King" novel.
A couple of the more amusing incidents involved uniquely feminine experiences with toilet paper and high heels.
The high heel one is very common to any woman who has worn heels for any length of time.  Except I had to do it different.  My copy of the book "High Heels for Dummy's" told me about being careful for the occasional sidewalk grate and the occasional chip in the concrete. What I didn't see in the fine print was the warning about the extreme danger presented by those nasty little concrete grooves in a busy mall. 
Yes, there I was attempting to be elegantly,nonchalantly beautiful in my heels and hose; cheerfully minding my own business until-BAM! One of my shoes got firmly stuck in a crack so small only my heel could find it and the gorgeous creature (in my mind) came to a screeching halt. Not only did she come to a stop, so did the line of people walking behind her.
By this time my priorites had changed from shopping to damage control. Of course I had to pry the shoe from the crack while the world watched and then try to slide it back on without falling over!
Long story short, life went on and I learned very dramatically heel lesson #12 on page 40.
Oh, by the way I'm sure you know I was making up the book but the story is true. Just like the toilet paper story in the next post.

You Tube Help for Transgendered Teens

I have felt many times how the "more mature" (old) of us just didn't have the educational resources available to us as we were growing up to face our transgender problems. We secretly crossdressed  which turned out to be just a temporary fix to our problems. Including the clothes, nothing seemed to quite fit. Something was still missing and most of us felt so alone in our trans world.

Christine Jorgense

The information of the day was mostly associated with female impersonators and drag queens.The exception was the "Christine Jorgensen" story (1950's). Then there was the curious poster I happen to see about a fast pitch softball team in the 50's whose players dressed in drag.
When I was 15 a friend who could drive and I went to his Aunt's neighborhood variety store and we would avidly read the weekly "National Enquirer" type papers. He would look for the women in most of them and of course I would look for the men who looked like women and drag queen stories.
That was basically it until "Virgina Prince" came along much later in my life. (1960's) My gender problems at that point seemed to have a bit more focus.

Of course current informational technology has made it much easier for a younger generation of transgendered and transsexual youth to connect with others of like background and form idea's on how to deal with their issues.

"Virginia Prince 1948"

 "Salon" recently ran an article :"Trans Teens Turn to YouTube" which provides real insight and many video links which I will pass along a couple on "Trannsnation".
Here's a short excerpt:
"Jazmine Khan, a transgender 15-year-old with wisps of blue hair and nails to match, is crying in her doctor’s office. “I just wish I was me already,” she says to the camera held out in front of her, and wipes away tears with her free hand. “I just wish that I could be a real girl.”
Moments ago, her doctor told her that she won’t be allowed to start taking estrogen to aid her full transition — not for a long while. That means it’s time for yet another shot of Lupron, a drug that suppresses testosterone production. The Canadian teen has videotaped each of her six shots thus far — along with updates on the changes brought about by the drug — and posted them on YouTube for the world to see."

Jazmine Khan

 On the same subject,  "Janie" posted an article called "Psychology Today" which mentioned younger transgendered individuals: Check her link here in the Condo (CD Janie)
"[M]any young people are no longer finding that categorization by sexual identity is meaningful or useful. They dispense with labels that limit behavioral freedom and instead are digging deeper to discover and embrace their true desires wherever that leads them. Their sexual partner’s gender matters less than the fulfillment of their physical and psychological desires…"

The bottom line is our culture is finally changing. For all of us under the transgendered umbrella seemingly it is changing from the bottom up which is great! Youth are having the courage to stand up for themselves and are finding the resources to back it up! For many "Stealth" is an unknown word!!!! They want change in society.

Yes, the future could well be bright for the transgender community after all!