A Choice?

Yesterday here in Cyrsti's Condo we explored the issue of trust when it comes to novice transgender and/or cross dressing women. During this post, I would like to preach to the choir concerning choice. 

The problem we have is as we come out is a severe problem with being selfish in our drive to discover our true selves. Often, we are so frenetic in our approach, we have a tendency to forget those around us. All of a sudden, we are stuck between a rock and a hard place. The rock is family, finances and friends the hard place is the fact we really don't have a choice.  The pressure increases if you are considering hormone replacement therapy. Unless you are on a radically different regiment than I am, you can say goodbye to most sex lives as you knew it. The prospect didn't bother me as much as some because in my own way, I had approached sex to me as being between two women anyway. Which did not meet with success in the bedroom with my wife. 

As selfish as all that was, it was the only way I could save my own life. I can't tell you how many times I wished I could just cross dress every now and then to decrease my desires. It just didn't work that way with me.

All of this led me to massive fights with my wife, especially on the occasions when she caught me breaking our pre approved cross dressing curfews. I remember vividly the day she told me to be man enough to be a woman and leave our relationship behind. As you can tell, she was wiser and I was stubborn. I had yet to realize being a woman was not a choice with me. Once I did, she had passed away before I made a total Mtf gender transition.

If you are a better person than I, try to look into your soul and take the gender path which is the most natural to you.

Georgie Stone

From Australia, transgender actress Georgie Stone.  Georgie was born on May 20th, 2000 in Melbourne, Australia.

The actress was born as one of two male twins. Unlike her twin Harry, Georgie embraced her female characteristics from a young age.

Happy Mother's Day

Or should I say, "Happy parental unit day?" That's what my daughter calls me. 

This is my usual Mother's Day post. My mom was a 5'2" head strong dynamo of a person and not one I ever thought would be accepting of having a daughter instead of a son. My only "coming out" moment with her didn't come until I was well into my twenties and was just honorably discharged from the Army. One night when I was coming home after partying all night with my friends, I came home and found her waiting up for me. I was operating under the power of intoxication and somehow the topic came up (I don't remember how) and I told her I was a "transvestite." She didn't miss a beat and said she would pay for electrode shock therapy to help relieve myself of my "problem." I quickly told her, I didn't have a problem and no, she wasn't paying for anyone to hook me up to a wall socket. Ironically, that turned out to be the only time the subject was ever brought up again. She has since passed on many years ago. 

For years, I resented her reaction to my coming out declaration. Then, I began to consider her life as part of the "Greatest Generation." I realized her offer of help was just that. Help for a perceived problem she thought I had. No more and no less. 

When the time came to legally change my name, my daughter and I got together to come up with a name which would be easy for her three kids to respond to. At the same time, I began to think of family names which might work. Finally, I decided to honor my Mom by accepting her name as my middle name. 

Perhaps now, she would be more accepting of having a daughter instead of a son.

Happy "Parental Unit Day" to you all!

Why Trans People Can't Have Nice Things

Trans people simply can't get along and this includes me. The goddess knows I have posted a number of crazy photos on social media for the world to see and laugh at. But recently I saw a post of a transgender woman in a form fitting silver lame' long dress. She was asking how she looked. Normally, I leave posts such as this alone thinking I don't want to be the one to throw stones in a glass house. But this time I couldn't help myself. I simply had to comment on the obviously huge belly sticking out in the picture. I commented something to the fact she may want to try some Spanx under garments before wearing the dress again. Of course all of the other ten comments were totally positive and were telling her how wonderful she looked. 

As I look back on it, no comment would have been better than my snarky, trans-naziish, statement I made. But I let it go. 

I was part of the transgender problem not the solution. Just another reason trans people can't have nice things when we snark at each other. Then again, I wonder what an outsider to the community would think about some of the posts I see. I understand. It takes most of us years to achieve even a modest attempt at a quality feminine presentation. 

An example is this five year old fuzzy tavern post of a very fuzzy intoxicated me during a Pride Pub Crawl. I wasn't quite crawling yet when this picture was taken!

Pictures

Very rarely do we learn the story behind any of the pictures we see on line. In fact, I stopped even looking at one site I used to be active on because I was beginning to doubt more than a few of the "glamorous" transgender women or cross dressers weren't actually cis women in reality. I tried to tell myself too, pictures can be photo shopped and are only moments in time. So much more goes into presenting as a woman than is represented in a picture. 

But, the neat thing is about pictures is, they often are all we have to pass along idea's and remember where we were at a time and place, Take this picture of me for example. First of all it was taken a couple of years ago when I had longer and a darker/auburn hair. Secondly, it was taken in one of those mirrors with special soft surround light, All of which contributed to making me look different than I normally did. Finally, it was taken during one of those rare moments in time i had my finger nails professionally done. All in all, the picture is still me...with an asterisk. I have to add though, nothing of what I did would be different than many cis women would do to enhance their appearance in a picture. 

In a recent Cyrsti's Condo post, I used one of a couple of Connie's pictures I happen to have on file to accent one of her comments. Here, is her return comment:

"So, the pic you chose was taken about eleven years ago. It was that very day that I came out, in person, to a woman friend. It was the first time anyone from my past life had met me as Connie (other than my wife). My friend had no idea of what she was about to see, when she stopped by my house on her way home from work. It went well, but I decided, afterward, that I would never surprise another like that again. I realized that it wasn't really fair to the other person, as it can put them on the spot. Then, it took another three years to come out to most everyone else - except most of my in-laws (about 100 of them, if you count cousins and such). The word had spread, though, so it was just a matter of making a gender reveal, of sorts, at a (very) large family gathering, in 2014. I don't remember exactly when we first met on that (pastel color) site, but, with all the back-and-forth yapping we did, I can't believe we waited so long to finally take action. I look at that pic of myself, and I see that I was beyond ready to transition at that time. I may not be as young, and less wrinkly and saggy as I was, but I'm still every bit the smartass. Sarcasm is not limited by gender! ;-) BTW, in my story, I was both of the people in the Thunderbird. I have had dreams, since my pre-teens, of being behind the wheel of a turquoise '57 T-Bird. I'm in a cute halter top that is tied at the midriff to show my skinny waist, my natural long blonde hair covered by a silk scarf, with big sunglasses and red lipstick on. Oh, and I can't forget the perfectly manicured and painted fingernails, as my lovely hands are resting on top of the steering wheel. Too late now; I can't get there from here, either."

Nice! Thanks for the memory!  Also as many of you who read the post comments know, Marcia also remembers our (witty???) give and take on the website I mentioned (not by name) because I believe it still exists. It's a small world in the trans community if we like it or not.

My Husband is Such a Girl

The inspiration for this post comes from a new participant in my cross dresser- transgender support group. She recently posted for the first time of her experiences of going out with a very understanding wife. I am including the picture she shared on Facebook. I thought she looked very feminine and real. 

Then I began to wonder what her wife thought when she saw the transformation. Or what any woman thinks. 

When I have ever began to discuss this topic I always seem to get bogged down into my own version of being biased one way of another. The problem being, I know this whole transgender thing is NOT a choice or a fad. Normally, once you have had a chance to glimpse your true self, there is no going back. The process  leaves many relationships in the dust. Wrecked and broken. Also relationships will go through transitions too. 

Take the far from average accepting wife/spouse for example. Just how accepting will she continue to be as her husband/spouse begins more and more to accept and embrace her new wonderful self. What if she wants to begin a hormone replacement therapy regimen which will in most cases end a traditional sex life. The "what if's" go on and on to wanting to dress and become her feminine self full time. 

As much as people want to talk and write about loving the person on the inside not the out is the important piece of any relationship, changing your gender can strain a marriage to the core. After all, changes such as gender are not what the average woman signs up for when she marries the man of her dreams. Plus dressing him up and helping with his makeup is all kicks and giggles until the finished product looks very presentable and she can she the true self too. 

Again, there is s HUGE jump from a cross dressing husband wanting all of a sudden to take his new found femininity into the world to a full time HRT charged transgender woman. A jump many wives don't want to make and I don't blame them. I do blame them them though when they use the situation as a club to bang away at a trans woman's extended family. Betrayal is a powerful emotion but also is the drive to discover and live as your true self.

I just hope "Jayde" the person in the picture and her wife can make the transition as smooth as possible. She has daughters too which are also involved which is an idea for another post altogether. 

Finally, it is no secret cis women are multi layered humans. Much more than men. Sometimes it takes more than patience to see if they will ever accept a trans woman as a spouse. Sadly in many cases it is a no win situation...for both sides.

Keep Your Distance! Dammit

Here is Connie's latest experience at the grocery store:

"Gosh. Remember the old days, when nobody wanted to be within ten feet (let alone six) of a trans person*? *Transvestite, in those days.

I was at the grocery store this afternoon to pick up a few essential recipe items for next week's meals. I have always been an excellent shopper - excellent - excellent shopper. A Rainwoman shopper, if you will! :-) I know where everything is (supposed to be) in the stores where I shop, and I make out my lists so that all items are in the same order as the store isles are. I enjoy shopping, but I don't like to waste time wandering, back and forth, from one end of the store and back again. This has now become impossible to achieve, however - not if I'm to maintain social distancing, anyway.

I finally gave up waiting for a woman who was picking through the white mushrooms in the produce section. While I wanted some Criminis, they were right next to the white ones. I went ahead and picked up half-a-dozen other produce items, and, after I'd stood the mandatory six feet away from her, giving her the stink-eye for another few minutes, she finally had the five or six (I assume, best) white mushrooms in the whole bin. Of course, I wouldn't have waited at all, had she touched every one of the mushrooms I wanted. I don't know what the CDC has determined for the virus survival time on mushrooms, but I"m not about to take any chances these days.

So, with all my produce in the cart, I proceeded to the next isle. Who should I see at the far end of it, but the same woman. She was handling jars of pasta sauce this time. I'm not sure what she needed it for, because the shelves were empty of pasta. Perhaps she'd already horded enough pasta, though, but she just didn't think things through on that trip. Well, I suppose I could make my own pasta, but there wasn't any flour on the shelves, either. Fortunately, there was nobody behind me, so I turned around and made a hasty retreat to the next isle over. That's where I confronted the next crazy woman shopper.

I'm usually happy to see another woman who is taller than am I. I also appreciate a shopper who does not linger like the first woman. This woman's technique, however, was to park her cart in the middle of the aisle, and then run around, grabbing as much as she could hold in her big hands (her hands were as big as mine, too!), and dump everything in her parked cart...then back for more. Again, impossible to keep social distancing.

So, no trans woman should be concerned about being read, clocked, of judged for being trans in the grocery store these days. Everybody else in the store is too much into whatever it is that they're doing these days. I may give you the stink-eye if you don't know how to shop, though! 8-)"

You won't have to worry about me! I stay out of everyone's way. I am not so sure of Liz though :)

Changing of the Season

Well, as expected, the weather around here in Southwestern Ohio is making a dramatic turn from fall to winter. 

Fall has always been my favorite season of the year and I am always sad to see it go. Why? Primarily I have always liked the fashions and maybe on a separate level, football has always been my favorite sport. Long ago I decided just becoming a woman should not stop me from enjoying part of my male life I so loved.  Also, fall has always meant a time of deep change to me. Somehow I always have equated fall with my gender transformation.  

Perhaps it had to do with Halloween's effects on the season too.  Long suppressed gender feelings of being a girl were reawakened.  Plus, the successes of going out on Halloween in a feminine costume just urged me on to go farther. 

One thing led to another and all of a sudden I was at the tipping point of living full time as a transgender woman. 

It seemed too, fall was a great fashion time to present as a woman. As I did, I learned the basics of shopping for myself, experimenting with makeup and adding the proper accessories. In doing so, I found I needed to communicate with the public, which in turn taught me the very different basics of gender communication. 

I know I am giving too much credit to the season because the gender learning curve for me lasted for years, not months. But I vividly remember the joy when the weather cooled off and my makeup didn't melt off. 

In the meantime, as Mother Nature transitions into winter around here, there is plenty of time to enjoy boots, warm fuzzy sweaters and soft leggings!

Changes in Attitude, Changes in Latitude

With all respects to all you Jimmy Buffett "Parrot Head" fans, I couldn't resist using one of his song titles as a lead to this post.

Before I get into it, I feel the need to pass along this disclaimer- none of the posts I ever write here on Cyrsti's Condo are ever intended to imply my progress with HRT or hair or anything I do makes me better than anyone else. To further that point, I provide the pictures I do...so you can make your own decisions on the beautiful critter I am.

On the other hand, there are moments of pure fun and the opposite which the premise of this blog was built on. The "good, the bad and the ugly of Mtf transitioning." In fact my "Stilettos on Thin Ice" book was written about.


So much for my book plug and disclaimer. What this post is really about it is, I have grown quite used to wearing a very loose tank top of sorts around the house since it has been so hot. It's appropriate with Liz but not her 17 year old son. One "slip up" and I have an extremely good chance of suffering a fashion "mishap." Such a difference a year on HRT did make in the magical/mystical breast department. BUT- what is good for me does not make it good for you and the process is not without medical risk.

So, I had to change my shirt and get yet another lecture about not wearing the tank top out in public without something under it.

Damn puberty!

A Layered HRT Life

Here is perhaps another oft discussed topic for the upcoming Simmons College seminar on transgender issues in June we are participating in here in Cyrsti's Condo.

In a recent post, Connie mentioned all the "practice" she put in following all the feminine mannerisms she observed. Generics most certainly do too as they attempt the journey from female to becoming their own woman. I am not going to attempt a right or wrong way, as each of us is different.

I used to talk about certain of the Mtf transgender transition issues I had with my generic friends but more often than not, all I got back in return was "welcome to our world."

Not being the "sharpest tack in the box" it took me awhile to figure out, the women didn't have the slightest idea on certain occasions of what their world was. I quit bringing it up.

Any woman I have ever brought up the fact my HRT transition has added "layers" to my life, has looked at me blankly-HUH? Woman are just born into a layered existence. Men, aren't and I do believe now (more and more) how much the differences are hormonal driven AND a major source of transgender dysphoria.

Back to Simmons. One of the most asked questions I get is "what were the most dramatics changes during my HRT transition?" Everyone expects physical changes such as breasts, skin and hair changes. In reality though (it takes awhile) you begin to see the world in different ways and many times you have no one to explain it to.

As I wrote, generics take it for granted as a pro or con birthright. I compare the process to my nephew who could throw a 92 mile per hour fastball in high school. He took it for granted and now it's merely a "remember when" topic at family get togethers.

Adding the layers has been a fascinating experience and I am sure many would say I really didn't need the HRT to become the person I am today and they too are right. There is no wrong answer. Except to just cop out and say "welcome to my world."

I wouldn't do that to you if I could help it!