Bucket List

 

Jimmy Buffett Courtesy Sony Pictures

It's Jimmy Buffett day here in Cincinnati. Jimmy's concert has been an entertainment mainstay for years with people camping out a day early along the Ohio River venue to insure a good seat or view of the festivities. 

Every year the concert was one of the must do activities for my deceased wife and I to do. No matter what the cost I purchased tickets as close to the stage as I could. Plus we would gladly make the hour trip (one way) to get there. Of course all of these trips I made were as my old male self. I remember vividly being distracted at the concert by the other cis women and their clothes which sometimes bordered on the skimpy. My heart broke when I couldn't join them.

Ironically, in the present, since I moved to Cincinnati with Liz we only live approximately twenty miles from the venue where Jimmy is entertaining. Also the fact remains I have transitioned into a full time transgender woman so the opportunity to cross a Jimmy Buffett concert off my transgender bucket list should be one I could mark off my list...if I had one.

That's right, I don't have a bucket list. Throughout my life I have been able to finally find a way to do most everything I wanted to do. Most of it is to do with my major goal of becoming a full time functioning feminine person. My example is when I was growing up and someone asked me what I wanted to be later in life, my secret answer was always a girl. My thoughts continued all the way through adult hood till my deceased wife and I went on a vacation and it wasn't long until she started to ask me why I was miserable. Being the man I always tried to be, I apologized and didn't tell her the truth, I wanted to be on vacation with her as a woman. Very quickly my so called bucket list was history. Mainly because I knew I couldn't move forward and transition to a woman and preserve my marriage, job and many other aspects of my life. 

In many ways I felt I was swimming with sharks not unlike the central figure in Jimmy's Fin's song. If I varied my path one way or another, the sharks were waiting for me. 

Regardless, I still don't have much of a bucket list as I approach 73 years of age. Most I have are involved with staying healthy later in life. Long gone are the ideas of going to Kathmandu as we had a chance to do when I was in the Army in Thailand. Sadly, I know for certain my friends I was trying to go with have passed on. 

Perhaps you could also say my bucket has just rusted out. I keep thinking next year maybe the one I magically become healthy enough to brave the crowds and see Jimmy Buffett performing in Cincinnati before he retires. 

  

Changes in Attitude, Changes in Latitude

With all respects to all you Jimmy Buffett "Parrot Head" fans, I couldn't resist using one of his song titles as a lead to this post.

Before I get into it, I feel the need to pass along this disclaimer- none of the posts I ever write here on Cyrsti's Condo are ever intended to imply my progress with HRT or hair or anything I do makes me better than anyone else. To further that point, I provide the pictures I do...so you can make your own decisions on the beautiful critter I am.

On the other hand, there are moments of pure fun and the opposite which the premise of this blog was built on. The "good, the bad and the ugly of Mtf transitioning." In fact my "Stilettos on Thin Ice" book was written about.


So much for my book plug and disclaimer. What this post is really about it is, I have grown quite used to wearing a very loose tank top of sorts around the house since it has been so hot. It's appropriate with Liz but not her 17 year old son. One "slip up" and I have an extremely good chance of suffering a fashion "mishap." Such a difference a year on HRT did make in the magical/mystical breast department. BUT- what is good for me does not make it good for you and the process is not without medical risk.

So, I had to change my shirt and get yet another lecture about not wearing the tank top out in public without something under it.

Damn puberty!

Getting "Weepy"

Damn hormones! Here I was actually needing my soft sweater jacket not for fashion-I was getting chilly. The next thing you know I will be jumping from the summer furnace I experienced into the winter freezer I really never have.  Over the years, I have loved cold weather. Be careful what you hope for? Kidding, I love I'm experiencing what I hoped for but never really understood. Specifically unexpected weepiness in this case.  I don't even really know if it's a word but it sure visited during a show we went to on the tour.
The show was country/gospel and mountain orientated which sort of fit where we were in the mountains of West Virginia (DUH!) Certain musical numbers for some reason sent me into an elevated emotional state and yes a few tears followed.
Fortunately it was dark in the place and I really didn't want to be the only person in the place crying-female or male or transgender. All was good...until:
At the end of the show, the performers wanted to thank all the veterans in the audience. Please hold your hand up if you are a veteran. My friend jabbed me in the side until I did raise my hand. OK, no big deal. I survived until..."all you veterans stand so we can thank you!" Well, I really didn't want to stand for not the reason you think but guess what-I did-to stop the abuse to my side.
Oh, one more thing I neglected to mention. Not only did the transgender girl end up sitting in the front row, I was in the middle of the front row. Where the hell was Jimmy Buffet when I needed him? But I digress.
I'm sort of funny about my Vietnam Vet status for a number of reasons which I won't bore you with. Mainly my deal is that as a group we were swept under the rug like the war itself and don't get me started on the mistreatment of Viet Vets affected by Agent Orange.
So being singled out and thanked for my service is as foreign to me as going in the first place and you thought standing as a transgender person would bother me.
I had to say, standing was easier than being drafted and I only had one very elderly lady thank me for my service in WWII. (Kidding-I hope!)