Why Trans People Can't Have Nice Things

Trans people simply can't get along and this includes me. The goddess knows I have posted a number of crazy photos on social media for the world to see and laugh at. But recently I saw a post of a transgender woman in a form fitting silver lame' long dress. She was asking how she looked. Normally, I leave posts such as this alone thinking I don't want to be the one to throw stones in a glass house. But this time I couldn't help myself. I simply had to comment on the obviously huge belly sticking out in the picture. I commented something to the fact she may want to try some Spanx under garments before wearing the dress again. Of course all of the other ten comments were totally positive and were telling her how wonderful she looked. 

As I look back on it, no comment would have been better than my snarky, trans-naziish, statement I made. But I let it go. 

I was part of the transgender problem not the solution. Just another reason trans people can't have nice things when we snark at each other. Then again, I wonder what an outsider to the community would think about some of the posts I see. I understand. It takes most of us years to achieve even a modest attempt at a quality feminine presentation. 

An example is this five year old fuzzy tavern post of a very fuzzy intoxicated me during a Pride Pub Crawl. I wasn't quite crawling yet when this picture was taken!


  1. Are you tempting Karma, here? I would never suggest Spanx, but maybe a good spanking would be in order! :-)

    Actually, it sounds like your comment was constructive criticism. If you did make it out of snarkiness, though, that would not be constructive, at all. I think this is another example of a subject you have been posting about recently - the transphobia that exists within the trans community. Not that posting pictures is restricted to the trans community; there are many who put up vanity pics all over social media. Most of them, I think, are fishing for compliments. This fish just ain't bitin'. As my mother (along with many mothers) used to say: "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all."

    1. I really tried to make my comment as kind as possible without coming out as too snarky. I haven't heard back, so maybe it worked. I couldn't believe how many of the other comments were totally positive! The person will never have a chance to learn. Maybe they were just fishing for a compliment and got them. Then again, there are so many guys on line who would compliment another guy dressed in a sack.
      Just one more thing, my Mom never said that! :)

    2. Funny, my mom usually said it with a sarcastic tone.

      I remember, while attending my first meeting of the local trans group, all the compliments I received on my presentation. I tried to be as gracious as possible, but I knew that many of them were made with some condescension - either out of duty to total acceptance, or even jealousy. It was the first time that I'd been out, in earnest (not AS Earnest!), but I'd done a pretty good job of perfecting my look over years of closeted primping. Still, I didn't look THAT good, so as to be complimented so much! On the other hand, I would guess that I was in the top 10% (as if ratings are of any real importance). Anyway, I was acceptable enough to have been allowed to hang with the cool girls. It didn't take long for me to feel uneasy with the shallowness of that clique, and I am not one to hand out compliments if I don't really mean them. Nor am I comfortable talking about the shortcomings of others behind their backs, but I did get drawn into that activity for awhile (I am ashamed).

      Some members of the group struggled to find their best presentations, even after attending professional makeover sessions that the group sponsored. It was a sort-of unwritten rule of the club that no one directly criticize or give advice to another member, unless it was requested. Condescending compliments were just fine, though. How does that help? When the board voted to exclude one member from group public outings, because she did not "measure up," I couldn't take it any longer, and I spoke up for her. I'll admit that I hadn't spoken but a few words to her over the prior year (she was the quiet type), but I sat down and had a long talk with her during what turned out to be the last meeting for both of us. We left over the same issue, but for different reasons. She felt unwanted, and I no longer wanted to be associated with a group that could be so hypocritical. Who needs compliments without complement?


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