I have never had the luxury of feeling comfortable in either
Can't totally claim womanhood anatomically but feel comfortable in all the female community. Communication, friendship and all.
Never could claim manhood. Existed in it, was sometimes successful with it but never felt secure in it.
Never did I wake up thinking I was only a boy but never thinking I was only a girl...never.
As with many of my posts here, I'm only writing this from an informational view point. Maybe you have been or are in the same place. Ironically, a place that leads to scorn from within our own community.
What began my introspection into who I am and where I am going as a transgender human came from a thesis project I am contributing to.
Here are a couple excerpts from my response to a gender stereotype question:
"I believe humans are desperate for something basic to cling to and
gender is the most basic one. That's all good when there are only two
recognized genders. What about a third? I have no recollection of having
the luxury of thinking I was one gender.
Many of the ancient
Native American tribes believed in dual gender spirits in humans and
somewhere along the line (major religions) many of the beliefs were
don't really identify with the gay community (not a drag queen) or
either primary gender. I do my absolute best to use my look to shout
female but know that until I can birth a child (never) or have monthly periods but I can only really say I
am a feminized male who (I think)
feels female. Who really knows? If you were born either gender and never questioned it-you know. The rest of us? The best case is we can pick and chose the best of both worlds. The worst case is more prevalent. Confusion, depression and lack of understanding.
Two things are sure...I can only know what makes me
feel natural and that is coming as close as I can to doing stereotypical girl
One of my biggest learning experience was adjusting to the dynamics of
feminine communication and power structures...all so much more complex
than male ones.
All of this is just a huge feast for thought and no, we are not there yet.