New "Horrorscope"

I love this!
Libra (September 23- October 22)
Your strength will be throbbing at maximum levels, making you one hot toddy filled with passion and perfumes that can lure in even the most reluctant and odd lovers. Yes, new experiences are on the sexual horizon, giving you a lot to think about, as you’ll discover something new and naughty about yourself now. YUM!
As always from "theFrisky".

New Video and Transgendered Television

I just posted a new video to our "Entertainment Center" here in the Condo sent along to me by a friend. The video contains a clip by "LoreleiLaneLee" a self proclaimed gay man who enjoys singing as a woman (and looks very good doing it!)
Also today another friend alerted me to the fact that "Doctor Oz" was going to be doing a new show on transgendered women.
This was good news for the transgendered community because "Doctor Oz" is the "Anti Jerry Springer". He could be trusted to provide a positive look at our lives-which he did.

Dr. McGinn at the Glaad Awards.

I'm sure you will be able to follow the link above to see excerpts of the show. Highlights included "Dr. Christine McGinn", another transgendered woman herself who is now a leading surgeon doing SRS.
Throughout the show, she took great pains to point out gender confusion was a correctable medical condition.
The two or three other guests also did their best to tell the world being transgendered was not a decision.
The show did a nice job of balancing the beauty of McGinn and the others who like most of us aren't that fortunate!
Finally, I do think shows like these have a tendency to locate and promote the "feel good" aspect of friends, family and work accepting those who have transitioned.
We all know that is a fantasy many of us struggle to achieve.
Having said that, the world needs to see it can work and don't think it can't happen to them. (with a close family member!)

Yet Another Transgender Rejection

If you are active at all on line and/or from Canada, you probably know Jenna Talackova, a Vancouver native was disqualified from Miss Universe Canada.  Denis Davila, the national director of Miss Universe Canada, told the Toronto Star that the rules state that each contestant must be a "naturally born female." He suspected that Jenna Talackova, a Vancouver native, was not born female, which she later confirmed.

“She feels like a real girl and she is a real girl. She didn’t expect people to question it,” Davila said. “She was hoping we could put her back in the competition, but the rules are very clear and there’s no way we can go back on it.”

Here's a little more on the story from "Xtra" in Canada:
(When) "The 23-year-old's pictures and profile have been erased from the Miss Universe website. Jenna has told CTV that she won't be speaking about her disqualification until she has conferred with a lawyer, but went to her Twitter to say she had been kicked out of the competition over "discrimination" and that she is "not giving up".
A real Miss Universe has nothing to do with who someone was when they were born, and everything to do with who they've grown up to be. A real Miss Universe is someone who has worked hard to overcome adversity and achieve her dreams. It's a shame the competition doesn't recognize that, and insists on putting so much emphasis on physicality, instead of focusing on what's on the inside -- which is what makes a "real" woman, and which one would hope, is what makes a woman worthy of being called Miss Universe."

I have posted a couple pictures of "Jenna" here on the blog and she is worthy of the pageant.
My opinion is this pageant is just another line in the sand drawn by society against transgender or transsexual  women or men. Not unlike the restroom issue!

Transgendered Quick Sand

Over the history of this blog, no post has ever created the feed back that "Transgendered Mid Life Crisis?" did.

Of course there are those here on the blog as well in the transgender or transsexual community  for what ever reason disagree with waiting until midlife to come to grips with gender problems.
Here is yet another slightly different look from a reader:

"I truly know what you meant about gender quicksand. All my life I have tried to live as would be expected of a hetero-male. All the time knowing that something was out of kilter. As a young child I would always imitate female behavior, was left to care for my siblings during the day, and wore the hand-me-downs from my female cousins. Was made to go to elementary school wearing cotton panties, side zip pants, and colorful outerwear. It felt so natural, but brought-on a lot of teasing. At that age you don't understand gender bias. The teasing didn't bother me. I knew I was different and sort of withdrew into myself. I got along with girls much more than boys and further identified with them. As much as I wanted to be like them, I agonized over why I felt so different and began internalizing my feelings. This is the first time I have ever told anyone, not even my wife. I want to be set free to be who I am and live the rest of my life as I was meant to be."

Of course I have read and commiserated with so many transgendered, transsexual and cross dressers over the years especially with the growth of the Internet. With those of you who have thought enough of me to share your experiences truly humbles me.
The whole process has instilled in me how totally and completely nearly all of us have been in our lives living between the gender "rock and a hard place".

Through it all, these absolutes come to mind. The first is "nothing is as bad or as good as it seems". No matter what happens, look for the middle ground. The second is you have to carry your own rope if you are heading for the quicksand. At some point in time you are going to have to take it upon yourself to lasso a rock or tree limb to pull yourself out. You have to plan on it. These days there is so much info for trans women and trans men to claim ignorance.

Finally I have met so many of you who are literally hanging on to your lives for dear life and looking over a huge cliff. As a constant reminder, I have the "Golden Gate Bridge" pictured on my cell phone. It reminds me of the leap of faith I'm taking
Take care my friends, our landing can be softer than we think!

Spring Fashion Tips!

Head to the Cyrsti's Condo "Boutique" Page for fun fashion ideas for us "bigger girls"!
From "Betty Confidential.Com!"

Big Brother Now a Big Sister!

From the UK version of "Big Brother" 2009:

"Rodrigo Before"

"Rodrigo After!"

Someone Had to Do It!

The last video I posted in the "Home Entertainment Center" was a special on super model "Andrej Pejic".
Pejic of course is a hard act to follow but I believe I found a quality person in "Heidiphox100" check it out!

Another Day In a Trans Life

As human beings, we have a finite time on the planet and perhaps infinity; depending upon which religion you happen to believe in.
I found out first hand when I had a loved one disappear over night-passing to the other side.
All of these are wonderful reasons to believe in living each day as it could be your last. It could be.
As a mere human being, I know I should try harder to appreciate the sun coming up. To try to appreciate the fact my breasts are becoming more than "buds" and the task of tying my hair back into a pony tail.
Don't get me wrong, I do live in wonderment all of this is finally happening to me.
The problem is slowing down and enjoying the journey. To just stop time for a second when I'm out in society as my chosen gender.
I've written already how I'm tracking a few of my formative years as posted here on the "Condo" and collating them on "Trannsnation.com".
One of many conclusions I'm drawing is how I felt so incredibly "liberated" on some evenings and so "humiliated" or insecure on others.
Of course I've tried to connect the dots with an erotic experience with the clothes, hair and the whole look but that doesn't work either. This was a deeper feeling of belonging. At that point, I knew my life was going to be very different.
Maybe those experiences have taught me to try to feel life as it comes-not just live it. Just being accepted visually as a woman in public is fine but feeling it is better. I want to stop time when I'm slowly walking down a sidewalk in my jeans, flip flops and loose top. The feel of my hair on  bare shoulders and back along with the soft  warmth of the day was just amazing!
In some ways I feel that is a more feminine reaction anyway.
Being the amateur evolutionist that I am, I believe (very simply) men evolved to attack and hunt and women to gather, raise the young and have a more intuitive sensual knowledge of the world.
Now I sit back and do a lot of observing. Men sometime amuse me and sometimes impress me. I was born into and played the "Alpha" male game outwardly for most of my life. I know where a man is and where he is trying to go and if he gets it right-good for him!
As for women? They have always been my passion. Their interaction with the world has always been a fascination since I wanted a doll baby for Christmas.
The toughest part is not to try to create experiences. Life is more than capable of accomplishing that!
So, on a day like today I can only write about and speculate on how the best way is to make the most of my life on this planet.
In the meantime, the day has turned out to be a very pleasant pre-spring day and is time for a nap!

"Nascar" and Drag Racing?

Taylor McCray poses with a cardboard stand-up of Kevin Harvick.

No, to my knowledge "Nascar" is not into drag racing.  According to "Yahoo Sports" the hotel in Daytona Beach where Nascar was founded is into drag now.
"The penthouse where NASCAR was founded in 1947 is now a gay bar.
Back then, Bill France Sr. walked into the four-story, art deco Streamline Hotel and, in a series of meetings, laid out the rules and regulations of what would become the nation’s most popular racing organization.
Friday, two days before the 54th running of France’s baby, the Daytona 500, the lobby of that same hotel, now dusty and worn, was filled with a combination of cheap NASCAR memorabilia and a line of drag queens set to sing and shake to a raucous crowd of almost exclusively male patrons gathered inside the hotel’s racing-themed bar."

 Just when you thought you knew it all about Nascar, you could be wrong. This is not your father's Nascar where a bunch of beer guzzling rednecks got together to watch cars drive fast and turn left according to hotel manager "Michael Blake":

"NASCAR is a far more progressive company than its stereotype. It’s taken strong stances against the flying of the Confederate flag, engaged in outreach programs to inner cities and been home to tremendous professional opportunity for women – not just as drivers but team owners, executives, marketers and publicists.
And while its fan base is often categorized as solely Southern, rural and working class, the infield rows of tricked-out motor homes with Northern license plates and price tags pushing $400,000 tell a different story.
Perhaps it’s why Blake says NASCAR fans generally range from indifferent to supportive of the Streamline. Whether it’s in the expansive infield or here near the beach, this is a group that’s often looking to raise a little hell before watching a little racing. The love of a fast car cuts through barriers.
“This is 2012, not 1912,” Blake said. “Just as I wouldn’t say they are all rednecks, they shouldn’t say anything about the lifestyle of some of the people in our building. I think most people are more grown up about lifestyles now.”
And of course there is this: “There are a number of people who live an alternative lifestyle that are NASCAR fans,” Blake said."
At least in Daytona, Nascar is linked to drag!

Another Transgender Pioneer

Have you ever heard of "Dani Bunten"?

From the "Kotaku" Gaming site comes this salute to "Dani" who was born Daniel and was a pioneer in the gaming world.
"There are plenty of legends in the world of video games whose names will fly off the tongues of casual fans. Nolan Bushnell. Trip Hawkins. Shigeru Miyamoto. Will Wright. Sid Meier.

It's a shame, then, that so few can name another of the all-time greats, Danielle Bunten Berry.
Or, as she was known before 1992, Dan Bunten.
The designer born as Daniel Paul Bunten in 1949 is important to video games for any number of reasons, some trivial, some vital to the progression of the entire medium.
Her first game (yes, her first game, we'll get to that), 1978's Wheeler Dealers, was the first ever PC game to be sold in a printed box instead of a sleeve or plastic bag, a necessity born of the game's inclusion of a custom controller."
Sadly, she passed away in 1998 from lung cancer. For more on the story, follow the link above.

Walking Into A Room With Yourself.

The other evening I happened upon a group of four couples I knew years ago as my male self. One of the guys I actually graduated with a hundred years ago and was a friend.
There aren't many of us around here as the town I'm from is one of the stereotypical "rust belt" towns sold out to foreign industry over the years.  Many of my acquaintances went to greener pastures and left or under greener pastures and died. So it was strange to see so many of them in one place and so close to me.
It didn't really matter as none of them even gave me a second glance. On the other hand, I was sitting at an angle where I could watch all of them.
How strange it was to be looking in on my old life.
The first thing that struck me was how the group was separated into the four men and four women at two adjoining tables and they never looked at each other.
Well knowing them as well as I did, I could see that coming 20 years ago.
Of course I had no problems imagining what the men were talking about but of course I did wonder what the women were saying.
After a few minutes, I tired of the game and reentered my own little world and marveled at how they saw nothing of the old me!
Didn't stay long that night. Got up and closed yet another door of my old life and smiled to myself!

Book Review

I finished reading "Two Spirit Ranch" by Jaime Stryker yesterday.
If you are not familiar, it's a real live transgendered romance novel aimed at a main stream audience and you can read more about it in my previous post here
Here is my disclaimer about NOT being a professional book reviewer. You will not read about me in the New York Times.
But! I thought the book was a well done nice good read. Why?
Jaime painted a very effective picture of the pains and successes of living a transgendered life.
The book took me just enough into the life of a transsexual woman to know and empathize with her but not get mired in too much detail. Plus the book has just a touch of sensuality to give it some spice!
Of course I won't go into much more than that and ruin the book for you if you decide to purchase it.
I will say, I can't wait to see how "Terri" does in the sequel!

Was It Worth It? Just Another Guy?

I had a response to a post which started something like "Here we go again, another guy who started hormones late in life".
Of course first of all I took the comment as a personal cheap shot and shot back some babble.
But you know, if I put myself out here on this blog that is going to happen. Get over it Cyrsti.
(I need to add I do so much enjoy your comments pro or con.)
As I said, I took this comment personally until I started to think-"well it's true, I am just another guy who started hormones late in life and decided to write about it". Somehow  the fact I quit thinking of myself as a   guy years ago was  lost in the shuffle.
Whatever, I  then took my thoughts a step further and wondered how I got here and was it worth it?
No matter if you are a fully changed transsexual woman or man or a weekend crossdresser at the Holiday Inn Express (which I was accused of) we all have our own very heavy crosses to bear.
Here's how mine was heavy. (I know some of you long time readers will recognize some of this but I'm compelled  to repeat it.)
I started the way many of you did. I knew at a very early age I had something  wrong with my perception of gender. Unlike many of you I grew up in a pre Internet era to WWII/Depression Generation parents.
Yes I did try to come out to my Mom and she recommended electro shock therapy. (Really).
So I tried my best to be the best male I could. Played football, got good grades, went to college and got drafted in the Vietnam War. You know the war that never happened.
 I lived on with the torment of two genders pulling at me but I survived and tried to drink it away.
Then the pieces of the future I could never see began to fall into place. 
When I was discharged from the Army, I really thought about a full time life as a woman. Then crazy things started to happen like a daughter with my first wife who knew all about my gender problems. So I chose not to go the female route and I was the weekend crossdresser for years. It got me by. Sure it was a bandage
on a huge wound.
I can use the years all of this was occurring in the late 70's-early 80's as an excuse. I can't tell you for sure how available hormones and the like were then-still no Internet to buy bootleg drugs from who knows where?
At the age of 30, I lost a business, a wife a couple rental properties and moved to the NYC area with my second wife who also knew of my gender problems. Do you remember how much fun the "recession" was in the early 80's?
The torment went on, but this time I found a new way to get through it. I moved and started to work very hard with my second wife.
She was by my side for 27 years putting up with my sometimes "nasty" temperament when the gender war inside became too great. Through it all she became more than a wife. She became my best friend.
She passed four years ago so I can't ask her "was it worth it" that I didn't go the distance as a girl? All I do know is she had a pretty good idea her husband and best friend would be just another guy taking hormones later in life because I would finally find some inner piece.
Now re-enter daughter. The choice I made not to live a female life before she was conceived proved to be such a blessing today. She totally accepts my decision.
Looking back, karma or destiny or what ever you want to call it gave me the daughter and two wonderful wives as a reward for the gender torment that became so much a part of my life. So being able to be just another guy who is starting hormones later in life was worth it.
My way of repayment is attempting to tell my story for others to see.  No one has to agree or follow in my footsteps, there is  no right or wrong way to live a trans life.
I'm 62 and just retired to write and sell collectibles and yes feminize my body.   Ironically I was 31 when my life changed so radically years ago. To make the whole situation even more spooky is again I lost a wife and a business at this part of my life- and once again I have discovered another person who accepts me for the person I am.
So yes, it's me "just another guy who is starting hormones late in life". Just another guy who spent  a life longing to be the other gender. I worked long and hard to express my inner female long before hormones even came into the picture. If  that makes me less of a trans woman somehow- so be it. I'm thanking  God or karma or whatever to have the chance to be where I'm at today.
Was it worth it? Hell yes.  Could I have been selfish and sacrificed the ones I loved to do this earlier? Hell yes. Am I happy I didn't? Hell yes.
Does the inner girl who has always been with me like it? Hell Yes!!!!

Another Feminine Myth?

The number one feminine mystique is the bathroom. My opinion is that women who want to protect their "Alamo" from a trans woman are just trying to perpetuate the rumor that something magical happens behind the closed doors of the bathroom-other than the obvious.
The number two most misunderstood gender mystique is a woman's purse. A purse can come in many sizes from very small to a veritable suitcase. In many ways a woman's handbag can say as much about her as anything other part of her external being.
A well worn bag could represent a woman who has a family and spends her time and resources on them. On the other hand a plain girl with a glitzy purse could be showing a glimpse of a more adventurous inner self.
Regardless of all of that, what does a woman carry in that purse anyhow?
As I become more experienced in "hand bag" basics, here is what I need in my purse to survive in the world.
Of course I need my ID's and and my bank card as I try to carry very little cash. Even though I don't deal with credit cards I seemingly accumulate other plastic cards at an alarming rate. From grocery stores, to gas stations to the various restaurants I go to-everyone offers a card. Yes I do use them and I'm fairly sure I have a million bonus points and my own personal jet waiting for me when I cash in.
Then there is the makeup. I wish I could say I was a "natural beauty" and didn't need makeup.....
For added weight I always make sure I save my change. I never know when my financial empire is going to crash and I will need those coins!
To be certain I can never find my keys or anything else in my purse (karma for all the years I made fun of women) I make sure I throw all kinds of miscellaneous things in for fun.
Of course there are the feminine hygiene products I carry in case I run into someone elses' monthly emergency in the bathroom. Or how about several receipts I don't know even where they came from mixed in with a few Kleenex's?
Now I understand why the contents of a woman's purse was always such an off limits subject.  Explaining to someone the whys and hows of what's in the bag would give away the obvious. I need everything in there for my life...DUH!
Don't be sticking your hand in there...something could bite you!

Take Me Out to the Ballgame!

One of the most satisfying parts of my gender journey has been the ease of "merging" the interests of my male self into my female life.
Of course, music and movies are easy but my sports fanaticism has been more of a challenge.
Becoming the girl with the little extra knowledge of sports has been fun on occasion and I have learned to temper my actions and reactions quite a bit!
If you happen to live in the Northern tier of the United States into Canada, I'm sure your winter has been pretty much non existent like mine.
Now, since the pro baseball teams are preparing to report for spring training, warmer weather and summer aren't so far off.
I'm a baseball fan and it probably ranks just below football as my favorite sport. The problem I always had was how I could present myself at a hot summer game.
Sleeveless tops and shorts were pretty much out of the question due to body/hair issues.
This summer of course, all of those restrictions have been removed and I have a friend who can't wait to go to the games too.
Even my team (Cincinnati Reds) have even improved themselves during the off season.
So even though I know "spring has not sprung" here yet, I'm dreaming of the girls watching the "boys of summer"!

Keeping a Breast of the Situation

Following my last post which turned out to be a rant with no answer, it's time to get back to a kinder and gentler life.
This morning I finished my own "breast exam" and came away feeling (no pun intended) a definite increase in the girls.
The girls and my hair are to the point where I can visualize where the future will take me and I'm excited!
My most difficult task is to go on with life and let the changes just happen as they happen.
Slight changes are usually evident.
After my initial huge hot flash, I've experienced several smaller ones-not unlike aftershocks from a major earthquake.
Curiously, "the girls" changed course and all of the sudden are feeling really tight after an initial looseness.
I'm sure there are plenty of you here that can offer suggestions.
Also, this is as good a time as any to say I do value your inputs. I don't care if you identify as a crossdresser, transgendered or transsexual person (male or female).
Together, you all combine to help make my experience a total circle and I thank you!

Trans Not Gay?

Has the transgendered nation earned the right to ask or demand our release from the so called LBGT umbrella?
In reality how did we end up there anyhow? Must have been one hell of a rainstorm?
Isn't our mantra "sex is between the legs and gender is between the ears"?
Truthfully there are two factors which keep us under the leaky umbrella. The biggest truth is we as a trans nation don't have a powerful enough national organization to effect change. To make matters worse the trans community as a whole can't even quit bickering enough to accept each other.
A leaky umbrella has the potential to keep us dryer than none at all.
The other truth is so many of the trans community are still in the closet or are out and living stealth. I'm not throwing rocks in a glass closet because I'm not totally out.
Here's an idea for our own trans umbrella. We could call it the TTC.-Transsexual/Transgendered/Crossdresser Alliance. Of course the cross dressers would have less of a voice because as a group they are less vocal and the transsexuals would have a bigger voice since they have gone through more pain and expense.
It doesn't matter because as they say in the old country "Hey dude, that ain't happenin"!
I know what you are thinking  "Put your actions where your words are". Unfortunately I don't have the knowledge or the resources to even know how to start such an undertaking. I just do the best I can with my little blog in the vast Internet universe.
On the other hand the whole situation frustrates and even angers me.
The bottom line is the transgendered nation will probably remain mired in petty internal disputes unlike the others under the umbrella.  Is there a pecking order in the male gay community if you are an effeminate or macho gay guy . In the lesbian community do butches consider themselves better than femmes? Probably not to the extent transsexuals have the tendency to build their own pedestals in trans nation.
So maybe we don't deserve more room under the umbrella until we grow up and attempt to understand each other first. How can we ask for acceptance when we don't even accept each other?

A Painful First!

OK, I knew the feminine path I'm experiencing would have more than it's share of painful lessons.
Over the years I have experimented with such torture as "taping" and such and discovered I hated it. Hormones have started breast soreness and hot flashes.
I attempted to keep my whining to a minimum and I did-until now.
A couple days ago, I developed some sort of arm injury in my upper bicep. How bad was it? Torture when I tried to even put a bra on. So, this is what women go through when they have something as simple as an "ouchy" arm?
Another one of those obscure girl lessons learned and one of the painful ones!

Never Go To The Grocery Store Hungry!

Everything looks good at a grocery store when you are hungry.
Quite a few things look good too when you are growing your own hair.
I just got out of the car when I noticed the tall strawberry blond across the parking lot putting her groceries in the car. I really admired her soft curls blowing in the wind and wondered how it will feel when my own hair grows to that length or longer.  Hopefully as long as the next woman I admired in the store. She was "more mature"( like me) and was brushing her long straight silver streaked hair from her face with her hand. I can only imagine how long it has taken for her hair to grow that full and long!
Of course most of the women in the store were wearing that "who really cares" wind blown look. Many more were respectable in pulled back pony tails and a few shorter styles framing their faces.
The best part of the whole experience is knowing now sooner more than later I will be able to color and style my own hair-and make my own choices.
As it turns out, shopping for food was secondary to hair fashion research!

Merry "Smootch!" Day to You!

Happy Valentine's Day to all of you!
Aside from the commercial "gooey push" for the occasion I prefer to look at the day as a time to reflect on those who found their way into my heart over the last year.
As you might expect, it is much easier to put my feelings down in words than to vocalize them.
Two individuals in particular were recently able to open my soul again in ways I never thought possible!
One was my daughter and the other- a chance encounter.
Sure, if you equate Valentines Day with Christmas, there are many great people in my life to think about but only the two who have given me the greatest gift of all.
Now, don't get me wrong.  Stuffing all those cards in envelopes and exchanging flowers and candy is neat and cool but the special valentines go out with a real heart.
On this Valentines Day I hope you have enough "heart" to go around!!!!
Merry "Smootch Day" to all of you!!!!!