Showing posts with label transvestite trangendered questions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label transvestite trangendered questions. Show all posts

Thursday, May 3, 2012

When is There a "T" in Crossdresser?

Recently, I have had the chance to explain to others my own transition from crossdresser to transgender person.
I understand each of our cases is different but I wanted to write about mine in the hopes I can understand the process more. Hopefully parts of it will ring true to you!
I've always believe the true transsexual kids have it better if there is such a thing in our culture. They start with a clear knowledge of their true gender.The rest of struggle with a huge why?
For the rest of us our transgendered existence starts off with a fetish attraction to clothes of the opposite gender.
I'm not an expert, but I'm thinking this is more prevalent in males more than females.  Hose, bras, girdles and "borrowed" feminine clothes are irrestible attractions.
Now, if the clothes stay more of a fetish to a person and become the end result for "dressing up" chances are you are the classic cross dresser. Let me point out, I am not making any value judgements-so don't attack me.
Where the "T" starts to become part of the cross dresser may start in the mirror.
Certainly any of us live in our mirrors.  The reflection serves as a validation of our chosen gender. How the validation works is the important part.
Do you see yourself looking the part of your chosen gender or do you see yourself as who you really are?
Here are the steps I took in my journey.
Yes, in the earliest days, the bras, hose and other female clothes were sexually stimulating to me-but not for long. Something was missing.
The missing "T" in my being took a long time to understand. Gender validation became less and less in how I looked and more and more on how I felt.
I'm not a huge fan of long drawn posts on subjects, so I will write more on this later including why many of us are obsessed with less than flattering photography of ourselves.

Saturday, April 28, 2012

Transgender Twin at 14

"Nicole at Glad dinner in Boston 2011"
Do you remember the remarkable story of Wyatt Maines? At four years old, Wyatt Maines asked his mother when he would get to be a girl. Born into a pair of male twins, Maines knew he was living in the wrong body. By the time the twins reached elementary school, Maines told people he was a “girl-boy.” As years progressed, Maines began going by the name Nicole, and living life as a girl. At age 11, Nicole underwent puberty suppression (which blocks male hormones and puberty changes from occurring).
She now is 14 and Nicole family are activists for transgender rights. After a student complained about Nicole using the women’s bathroom, the family took a stand by filing a Maine Human Rights Commission complaint. They also successfully lobbied to defeat a bill introduced in Maine legislature that would have repealed protections for transgender people in public restrooms.
You can read more of the story here. Another wonderful point to make is I found this article in "TeenVoices *Changing the World for Girls through Media". Exactly the exposure our culture needs!!!

Saturday, April 21, 2012

Being Transgender in America

If you haven't seen or heard this yet, MSNBC's Melissa Harris-Perry featured a show last Sunday on being Transgendered in America.
I'm going to post this video here in the condo in our "Home Entertainment Center" .
Here's a quick look from guest "Mara Keisling" who is the Founding Executive Director, National Center for Transgender Equality who said:
"For one of the first times that I can remember, trans people got to outline to the public at least part of the trans political agenda for ourselves. From health care access, to barriers to updating identity documents, to talking about jail and detention reform and raising awareness of CeCe McDonald's story, we finally had a chance to bring trans issues to a national audience as trans people. 
From the first appearance at a trans event by a sitting Cabinet Secretary to the incredible list of policy victories we’ve achieved in the past year, trans policy is now firmly part of the political debate.  Of equal importance is that now, the conversation around the country is moving in our favor, symbolic of  important cultural progress in our movement."

She will join the Melissa-Harris Perry Show on a nationally televised panel discussing the movement for transgender equality. Mara will join other trans advocates Kate Bornstein and N.Y.C Council Candidate Council Candidate Mel Wymore to examine recent trans policy victories and current challenges.
The whole video to me took on a surreal feel to me.  All these years of watching all the other groups explaining their feelings, lifestyles and rights-now I'm watching my group.
It's about time!

Thursday, March 22, 2012

"Here's Lookin' at ya Kid!"

If you are not familiar, the line above comes from one of the most famous motion pictures of all time "Casablanca". It also happens to be my favorite classic movie.
Yesterday the "TCM" television network presented a one night only re release of the movie in theatres across the USA. I was lucky enough to see the film on the big screen with a special friend.
As luck would have it we both could get together early for coffee, girl talk and window shopping before the showing.
A day such as yesterday left me feeling so lucky and fortunate. Yes, it was me again being able to live as my chosen gender.  The rest of the world and all the usual worries about just being who I want to be just faded away. I even almost cried with "Ingrid Bergman" in the film.
Just had to pass it along!!!!

Sunday, March 11, 2012

So You Want to be a Girl Part II

As promised, "The attack of the Toilet Paper Monster!"
As I was told by a genetic female friend of mine, "TP" is not always a girl's best friend and we all learn the hard way!
This happened to me a couple years ago when I was out and about shopping till I dropped and had to potty.
I was in one of the big box stores when the urge hit and I headed for the restrooms. Fortuanately, the women's room was deserted and I took care of business, washed my hands, checked my hair and headed back out into the store.
I was about half way to the entrance when a clerk came up behind  me and said "Mam, Mam"! Naturally, my first reaction was I was going to be busted for using the bathroom but no I wasn't.
She very nicely pointed out to me the two foot length of toilet paper I was using as a tail. OMG was I embarrassed!
I guess I know now that women are doing a little more than checking to see how their rear ends look in those jeans in the rest room mirrors. They are checking to see if that mean old "TP Monster" didn't attack!

Friday, January 13, 2012

The Last Six Transgendered Misconceptions

Wow tomorrow is here quicker than I imagined! Here are "Natalie Reed's" last six reasons from her "Queereka" site. My comments are in parenthesise.
8. You’re appropriating the female body.
Appropriation is about co-opting someone else’s identity. We’re not doing that. We’re expressing our identity. It is not an act of attempting to emulate or express ourselves as The Other, we are attempting to more accurately and honestly express The Self. We don’t transition into being a new or different person. We become more ourselves. We don’t put on a mask, we take one off.
(Agreed, well said)
9. Why can’t you just accept yourself? Why not just learn to be comfortable with who you are?
( She answers it well and in depth. My answer is simple. I have accepted myself and I am comfortable.)
10. You don’t really become female. The process is only cosmetic. You’re still technically a man.
To summarize: there is no particularly valid reason to prioritize the genetic definition of sex above all other aspects of physical sex: hormones, secondary sexual characteristics, genital configuration, etc. Chromosomes actually don’t play nearly as much of a role in human sexual differentiation as we often think they do. The Y chromosome is mostly deteriorating junk DNA that’s only real function is to turn the gonads into testes. In an XX cell, one of the X chromosomes is deactivated. As such, there’s no real functional difference between a “female” cell and a “male” cell. The process of sexual differentiation in humans is not genetic in nature, but hormonal.
(That's quite the answer and a little too complex for my small brain. My simplistic answer goes back to the difference between gender and sex. I always will be a biological male and a mental female. It just could be I'm a better woman than some females.)
11. Drag queens, transsexuals, transgenders, cross-dressers, what’s the difference?
(Big discussion, she does an in depth discussion. Much too long for my train of thought here.)
12. Transsexuality is just an invention of the modern medical establishment, a symptom of Western culture.
13. You’re infiltrating women’s spaces and making them unsafe.
First of all, we are women. So there’s that.
I’m not sure why whatever discomfort may arise from a cis woman’s hang-ups about the thought of a trans woman in the same bathroom or changing room or whatever, and the perceived risk, should take precedence over the extreme discomfort and actual physical risk that a trans woman would be forced to endure in using men’s facilities.
An argument I’ve encountered repeatedly is “well what’s to stop some male rapist or child molester or voyeur from putting on some lipstick, claiming to be transgender, and then sexually assaulting your daughters!”  (Ominous scary organ chord!).
(A topic near and dear to my heart. We have discussed the fact that I think the whole problem stems from the fact that some women still hang to some sort of archaic idea the ladies room is some sort of a mystical retreat from the world and a sanction for sisterhood. BUT
The "room" is also the last and easiest way to attack trans women.
My opinion is the world is changing, We are being perceived as transgendered women in a restroom. Not some guy in a dress.

13 Misconceptions About Trans Women

Well, at least 7 in this post.
Natalie Reed from the "Skepchick" site came up with the first seven and teased us with the other six which are coming tomorrow in another post.
To save you the time and effort of reading all the first seven, here are the highlights. Of course you can check the link for a complete look at basic trans women myths.
1. Trans women are just really, really, REALLY gay.
False, sex and gender are two radically different issues. (Agree!)
2. So you’re going to get your penis cut off and 3.- we all want a sex change operation.
False. (Agree! Although I understand why most uneducated people would think so. Some of us have already changed sex mentally!)
4. “It’s a trap” / Trans women are just gay guys trying to attract straight dudes.
False of course. (Very complex issue. I can be an egotist of sorts and say the men who are attracted to us need to decide their sexuality. In my case I'm just in the world being me. If either gender is attracted to me, it's their decision.)
5.  Aren’t you sort of reinforcing stereotypical gender roles? Aren’t you just going along with the idea that having a feminine personality means you must be female? Doesn’t that perpetuate the idea that there are certain ways women and men are “supposed” to be like?
Natalie has a long answer for this and no easy answer but I do. (I am reinforcing a feminine stereotype. She is me and I am her.Some of my genetic girlfriends sometimes say I'm such a girl and I am. Stereotype or not.)
6. If our culture didn’t have such strict gender roles, there would be no need for transition.
( Blah, blah, blah! So what?)
7. You’re so brave! (Good one! Natalie finishes on a high note!)
She writes:  "No. That’s a lovely idea, it is, and thank you. I do appreciate the sentiment and we often enjoy hearing that kind of thing. It’s an enormously tempting  idea, too, and hard to give up. It would be terrific to believe that I’m this wonderfully brave, courageous, strong woman who overcame unimaginable odds to assert her true self without compromise to a hostile, bigoted world. But it just isn’t true. We aren’t brave. We’re scared shitless and in tremendous pain and desperate for a way out, and don’t really have much of a choice."
(Agreed-totally! Her last line says it all!)

I'm interested in her last 6 reasons as she has covered quite a bit of ground so far. I will try to follow her and give you more information!

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

It's All Fun Till Someone Puts An Eye Out

Sort of a crazy title? Well no one has ever accused me of taking the easy out or doing things normal.

But what does that have to do about putting an eye out?
Simple! All this time I was having fun and games and it took me this long to find out I was in a game until now.
No more hiding behind the makeup when my male life became too rough. No more weekend forays into the female world.
My life now makes my past seem like playtime.
Not that is bad. Children learn from playing and come out with two eyes. So did I.
All this time I was feeling sorry for myself for having such a late transgendered start. I really wasn't. From the age of 10 or so I was playing and learning in preparation for this part of my life.
The confidence I'm feeling now may be coming from the fact the fun is over and I still have two eyes!

Sunday, January 8, 2012


A must read for all of you in a relationship with a spouse. Specifically a wife who is witnessing your transgender situation!
Follow this link.
Thanks so very much for sharing "Sherri". It means a lot!

Tuesday, December 27, 2011


From the "Daily Mail" in the UK:
Kerry Marshall, 18, who is currently undergoing a sex change to become a woman, managed to con a series of bank tellers into believing she was the television star, glamour model Katie Price.
Katie Price
Obviously there must be more to this story that doesn't meet the eye!

Monday, October 31, 2011

Are You A "Lady"?

Immediately I thought do I think I am? Before I thought about what  it takes to be a lady, I thought I would take a look at the flipside. To do that I went to one of my favorite places to visit for "girl stuff" the Frisky . I read an article called "What It Means To Be A Gentleman?". Here's an excerpt: "Are you really a gentleman who treats women with genuine respect or are you just performing like one? Are you actually making the women you date feel uncomfortable or disrespected, even though you think you’re “gentlemanly duty” has been done (so to speak) because you paid for dinner? Do you actually hold rather sexist attitudes towards women — sexual women, complicated women, real women?"
OK, fair is fair. If you interact with men, are you really a lady who treats men with genuine respect or are you performing as one?
Perhaps the terms themselves are as outmoded and narrow as most of the gender labels we live with today.
In reality I'm sure you have encountered sexist attitudes towards you as a transgendered female or male. One that infuriates me most is the idea that some men have that I am automatically promiscuous.Really?
Regardless of all of that, I believe being described as a "lady" is fine but "old school girl" is more accurate for me. I love being soft and feminine and stylish.
Sure if a door is opened for me or a courtesy extended to me that's all appreciated but not needed. I do however, appreciate and react to it and attempt to return the favor to the man because I feel it's the right thing to do.
I hope that very appreciation gains me the "old school" tag.
 After reading "the Frisky" excerpt, I came to more of a realization of why I feel many females have forgotten how to be women. Life has made them jaded and that's a shame.
Then again the whole deal is just part of "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus".  Transgendered folk are from Earth. We've traveled to those other places and understand the lifestyle!

Friday, October 7, 2011

No Autographs Please!

My bestest friend told me I could be just dealing in paranoia. (Me???)
The walk from the waiting room to my psychologist's office at the VA Center is quite long.
My first two visits, the halls had been roughly empty.
This time people seemed to be coming out of the woodwork. The people all seemed to be professionals who worked there.
As we made our way into her office, I almost asked my therapist if everyone just happened to know my appointment time and knew the exact moment we were going to walk down that hall to her office.
I didn't because I had more important things to think about and certainly it wasn't the first or last time I have been the center of attention and curiosity.
If indeed the whole incident was a creation of my own be it.
On the other hand, if the staff stopped their day to look at me; it shows how little the particular VA Center I go to knows about transgendered vets.
If that is really the case, I feel good to be the pioneer woman who opens the doors for others.
But REALLY, try not to stare. Come on!

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Trangendered Reality Versus Validation Part II

As promised, here are some more observations from my weekend day out with a girlfriend and her son.
The day was easily my most complete day as a woman since the NFL game I went to with another friend last year.
As I pointed out before, I live a lot of life as a girl. From socializing in straight venues to shopping I do it all.
So why was the weekend sooo different? 
The difference (I feel) is the fact I had no escape route.  All my favorite spots have built in escape routes if I need them.  Bartenders and managers know me.  I know the paths of least resistance if I need to use them.
I knew before the day was over I would have to brave the "porta potties".  Of course the sanitary conditions were a big challenge but the public was a bigger one. Here I was in the afternoon light waiting my turn with both genders of all ages.
No way out, If I wanted to live life as a girl, these situations were as necessary learning experiences.
Sure I was validated as a woman by standing in line and taking care of business without a second look. Reality was doing it.
Reality was not sneaking away from "hawkers" singling me out attempting to sell things. Again there was no where to go. I had to smile and keep on walking.
Bottom line was I was put in a corner..enough playing , talking and planning about being a girl.
It was time to put the woman where the mouth was!
She loved it!!!!

Monday, August 29, 2011

Weely Horrorscope

Libra (September 23- October 22)
You do know how to present well, but that doesn’t mean that people can’t see through your glossy veneer. Try all you might to appear as if you’ve got it all together, but what really will that get you? If you need help, don’t be shy about accepting it. There is support available and no shame in wanting it. Besides, who really likes perfection anyway? So boring!

From "the Frisky
No comment!

Sunday, August 28, 2011

When The Face In The Mirror Doesn't Change

As you remove your makeup and you look into your own eyes.  What do you see?
Yourself of course (unless you have some real problems.)
I used to be really depressed as I cleaned my face...the male one looking back at me from the mirror.
Fortunately the depression is starting to fade.
No I haven't started nay hormones yet or went through any facial feminizing surgery. The difference is I'm beginning to see past the face and into the eyes. 
Two things are beginning to occur. 
I see some of the inner me...increasingly less male and I don't do grudge drag anymore. 
Grudge drag is a very uncomplimentary term from the days when I felt I had to venture out dressed female.
The transition from wanting to to having to being who I am has been a long process.
Now the mirror has become more than one dimensional. It is allowing me to see the real me.

Friday, August 26, 2011

Fireman Putting Out Wrong Fire.

 According to the "MailOnLine" a An FDNY fireman who posed in a calendar of other firefighters allegedly battered his transsexual girlfriend in a jealous rage two weeks ago.
Miss Charriez told the Post: 'He called me from jail [Thursday] and said he wanted me to write a letter saying it didn't happen.'
An FDNY spokesman told MailOnline that Mr Murphy, who's been with the department for four years, has been suspended.
She was famously disqualified from America’s Next Top Model after it was revealed she was born a man.

Monday, August 22, 2011

Adding A Link

I've mentioned Matt Kailey's blog Tranifesto  here a couple of times. Matt is a FtM transsexual who writes a very interesting blog. In addition to presenting a different look on the trans life (as a guy) he answers many thought provoking interesting questions!

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Again and Again and Again....

Can I ask a question? Is it more satisfying to go into public and have people assume that you are a woman -or- is it more satisfying to be recognized as transgendered?
Answer: both!

Shopping Thoughts

Today I had to go shopping for guy clothes.
Hate it. Boring...sort of like watching paint dry but I will have to do my best guy drag for an interview coming up.
Felt the same old "why me" feelings as I entered the store and went the wrong way to the men's department.
The process never takes a long time.  Pick from the same boring colors and styles and take off.
In my part of the world it is back to school time. As the mother/daughter combos attacked the clothes,  I  wondered how it would have been for my Mom to take me shopping for new fun back to school outfits. A part of my life I will never know.
Many of these families were ahead of me in line and as I waited I realized I'm not as bitter or frustrated anymore with buying a few items of male clothing.
Today was the first time ever I could comfortably watch with interest the items other women were buying. The first time I could look for imperfections in other women lol! A huge difference from simply wanting to be them. Even though I was in guy drag (I passed) I was them.
For once I was comfortable in the knowledge my girl was safe and secure and growing. Comfortable in the knowledge my life was changing.
Sure, a new pair of shoes or purse I noticed would have been more fun to buy today but now there is a tomorrow.
A tomorrow when those new heels will look fabulous!