KISS..Keep It Simple Stupid

At times (or most of times) I tend to get a bit mystical about how life kind of moves back and forth. I seem to go through phases of female interest and then the guys move back in. 
I've never been able to connect the dots of gender interest to how comfortable I'm feeling. Last night for example I had three women at least say hi.Later I finished the evening with a quick trip through a big grocery store about 10 at night.  I wondered down the aisles dong some light shopping and encountered a larger older handsome guy who was seriously checking me out from a not so sly side glance. From him I passed five girls who probably were in their early 20's who never gave me a second glance and finished with a young black guy looking straight through me. So I guess you can say I was successful..
So any connection? No.
Then in the last two days I have received much more female attention from one of the dating sites I'm on and had an incredible night out with a very close lesbian friend I hadn't seen for ages.
I am intrigued (and shouldn't be) by the gender dynamic I experience.  Women present a much softer dynamic to me; much more lifestyle orientated.  Men of course are "cause and effect". Follow the action with them and all is good.
So any connection? No.
When all of this begins to really heat up, life can be very interesting and confusing.  Then again all of the interaction is just what genetic women go through.
I can get as mystical as I want about all of this but the fact remains it's the life I chose. May as well have some fun doing it!

Candis Cayne On "Necessary Roughness"

On the "USA" Channel is a show called "Necessary Roughness"
In the episode called "Dream On" Candis Cayne plays Gerald Daniel at a class reunion of the shows female stars Jeanette and Dani. Gerald as you might have guessed has become a beautiful Geraldine.
Quickly, Candis introduces herself to Jeanette. Stunning as ever, Candis confides Jeanette was her dream girl growing up...she (Geraldine) was so in love with her. Her confidence, beauty and effortless femininity...how she wanted to be her.
I thought, wow that is just the way I felt about a couple girls growing up.  How did they ever come up with such a plot?  They certainly didn't pick it up with out having some inside knowledge! (No they didn't call.)
Geraldine is shown and mentioned a couple times in the last fifteen minutes of the show, including the classic ending. Dani and Jeanette  are sitting around chatting about the reunion. They both were fairly certain they were the hottest women there except for Geraldine.Dani gave Jeanette all the credit for being a great fashion role model.
The two when on to girl chat about Dani's ex husband and Jeanette's unfulfilled dream of the dream guy and the white pickett fence. Without missing a beat Jeanette says "No worries. It turns out Geraldine is a lesbian and there is still hope!" What a sequel we will never see!
If you can catch this episode...you have to wait at least halfway to catch Candis...who is always worth the wait!

"Alpha Guy" and Me!

"Alpha Guy" is always in one of the places I go to a couple random times a week.  Nothing wrong with that except he pounds me at trivia and I have to take it like a girl. lol. "Your so big and strong and smart and I'm so dumb" Just kidding.
Over the course of the past month or so, he has played the "eye" game with me across the bar more than once and has even spoke to me as we pass each other. So I'm thinking this guy may be a little more than intrigued by me.
As luck would have it, he showed up after me the other night and there was a seat or two open close to me. I still decided to stay  to my self and shyly  put off his attempts to talk to me until..We found a strong common interest in music.
We probably chatted for almost an hour and it was time for me to go. I said my farewell and he startled me with his.
 "I will see you man." I started to think "what the hell" ?
I was surprised when his last comment had the "M: word in it and we were all alone.
After thinking the comment through....I thought it was the only way for him to salvage his manhood!
I mean what was he going to say to the rest of the group?
I have to give him credit for stepping forward. Although you never know how much I should give him.He may have had a trans girlfriend somewhere in his past. But I digress from the "man" word.
Maybe it's a competitive guy thing. He didn't want me to think I was getting over on him with the hair clothes and makeup.  Forget the little "eye" games he plays across the bar or how it's always him that
initiates the conversation.
Maybe he just felt a little too overwhelmed with the whole experience. 
I can tell you what "man" the next time I saw him he didn't look my way once...with his wife!

Sign of the Times?

I saw this article a couple days and just kind of dismissed it into my "isn't that good" file.
It wasn't so long ago I would have jumped at a story such as this:  "Jenifer Pool, a leader in Houston's construction industry and LGBT community, is hoping to become the city's first transgender city council member."

From "Gayaolis News". "Pool worked in the construction industry in the 1990s but was fired when she transitioned. After that, she started consulting business that assisted companies with construction management and permit issues. "
We have come a long way!

Is Enough....Enough or More?

I can't thank all of you enough for joining me on this odyssey.
I started the blog late in May of last year. Since that time I've been fortunate to be able to add nearly 500 posts.
Every once in a while, I decide to pull out an old post, dust it off and use it again.
All of the sudden I thought the blog was getting too crowded and bringing back past thoughts was making the situation worse.
What's a girl to do?
Rearrange the house!
I've decided to start a companion blog.
I'm going to rearrange the house and move much of the old over to the new.
As soon as the new place starts to take a little more shape, I will mention it a little more.
In the meantime, this cleaning is killing me!

Time to Process?

Met a real live man tonite. One with a personality and even a sense of humor.
He is a man's man with macho hobbies and all.
We met at one of my regular spots and the bartender who was working is one of the few remaining people anywhere who has seen me both ways.
So,I knew she was taking great interest in my "date"
We went our separate ways and he left first, kiss and all. As I sat for a second and collected my thoughts, the bartender came by and asked how everything was.
I could only say "great, I'm just trying to process the evening.
Maybe I could have said I needed a second to find my way down from cloud nine!

Legs and Hair

The look of the night last night was fun-fun -fun! As luck would have it, I enjoyed lavish attention from male bartenders all night long.
A close leg shave and tanning lotion gave me the wonderful soft feel I love on a hot day with a short skirt.
The evening never cooled down much as I made my way through it. Long hair brushing slightly on my bare shoulders and back was a constant sensory thrill.
I know I gave more than one show as an older guy nearly lost his baseball hat turning to look at me walking slowly across the parking lot. Sunglasses gave me the opportunity to really watch him watch me without really knowing it.
I'm told I have the legs to show, so why not?
I did mention the "slow" part of the walk. At that point in time I was celebrating my own start to the "Independence Day" weekend.

We all know "independence" is not a one day, week or year deal.  A person has to fight for it and nourish it to make it happen.
The nourishment of finding the perfect outfit and shoes or doing the perfect makeup and hair makes up for the extreme disappointment I felt last week.
As for all of you I hope you can experience your own independence day...wherever you may be in the world.
At the end of the day your freedom is actually all that matters!

VA Update

"The National Center for Transgender Equality" recently released a policy brief updating recent Veterans Administration changes regarding transgendered veterans.
As you all know this is all near and dear to me. The VA is my primary health care provider and I have considered approaching them with my transgendered status during the past several years.
I researched and learned there was no real uniform transgendered policy in the VA.
Now there is but what does the policy really mean. 
Here is a portion of what the "NCTE" thinks:
"This victory is only a start, however. Much work remains before
transgender veterans are fully able to live equally to non-transgender
veterans. Below are some of the policy areas still on NCTE’s veterans
health agenda.

   * NCTE and allies will soon release a comprehensive model policy
for VA facilities for the appropriate treatment of transgender
veterans. This policy will be offered to VA facilities nationwide for
their adoption.

    * Now that the VHA explicitly requires proper treatment of
transgender veterans, it is clearly necessary for frontline providers
to receive training on what that means. The VHA immediately should
undertake a cultural and medical competency program.

    * Unfortunately, VHA regulations still prohibit the agency from
providing or paying for sex reassignment surgeries. TRICARE and
CHAMPVA regulations also prohibit these health plans from covering
some transition-related care. These agencies should begin immediately
the process of reevaluating the regulatory prohibitions regarding
transition-related care based on contemporary medical evidence and
accepted clinical guidelines."

Most certainly I'm excited about this turn of events and waiting for more information.
Discharge papers (DD-214), are a huge part of all of this too.
Work is being done to change the "gender marker" on the all important 214. 
In essence I could be not automatically outed if I went through transition and presented female at the VA if my 214  was changed.
These are all huge steps within the VA but certainly not the last!

Weekend Update.

Friday was a day off and I spent the whole afternoon getting most of my body ready for summer fashion. I  really wore out some razor blades lol! I have a loose frilly top that shows a lot of shoulder and back skin and the weather was ideal for a skirt.so the legs were a huge priority too. I do the "bare legged" look like most women here.
I was heading downtown for one of the events they host during the summer into the fall.  Restaurants, bars, art galleries and merchants are all at their best for the crowd.
I stopped at one of my regular places on the way  for a couple of drinks.  I do mention on occasion I patronize straight venues with alcohol so I can take nothing for granted.  Public perception and rest room privileges are a constant variable. I really don't have much of a problem but I never really know.
I did have a small hassle that night.  One guy circled me at the bar and asked the bartender loudly "what's up with the hottie at the corner of the bar". As much as I wanted to take it as a compliment, I really couldn't. Then this very drunk guy appeared at the bar and started doing the smirking with some of the other patrons. He kind of went away and I was ready to get going too. Before I left though, the manager stopped by to tell me they were cutting him off and he was sorry! How nice!
The rest of the evening was great fun.
I arrived downtown early enough to dodge the early crowds and get a seat in another one of my regular stops. It was great fun to get a little preferential treatment. I did get a few looks. Some were admiring and no were derogatory. I also made a couple trips to the bathroom and even talked with another of the regulars for the first time before I went out to browse the shops.
The evening finished with my exhilaration of walking in the crowds with my long hair brushing my bare shoulders and back . Combined with my smooth bare legs in the breeze...life was good!
It's no wonder I love being a girl and the early jerks in the evening just faded away.  They probably went home to get that dress out of their closet!

Pick A Label

From "Salon"  Comes a review of a new book  from Jon-Jon Goulian's memoir "The Man in the Gray Flannel Skirt,"
A couple of excerpts caught my eye, including a dazzling array of labels!  Choose one or two for yourself...or even three.  There are many left for your friends. Goulian writes:
"Whether I like it or not, they'll find just the right label for me -- homosexual, bisexual, transsexual, polysexual, metrosexual, metasexual; autosexual, cryptosexual, crypticsexual, protosexual, extraterrasexual, gender-bender, glam-boy, player, poseur, flaneur, slut, aesthete, dandy, lebenskunstler; lotus-eater; bohemian nymph; bourgeois nymph; bourgeois nymph masquerading as a bohemian nymph! -- and, whether they like it or not, they’re determined to make it stick."
The book is being released in the next couple of days and looks interesting in that Goulian seems to be yet another person who breaks the gender mold. He once worked for an Italian mobster who tagged him as a "half a fag". The mobster knew Goulian was a heterosexual but a very different one and in Goulian's own words... "And as it happens, I do not sleep with men. On the few occasions in my adult life when I have been in the near company of another man's erect penis, my impulse was to flee"
I of course, don't have the patience to read a whole book.  If I did. This could be one. I wonder if Goulian explains all those terms?

From Thailand to India

Look for her on NBC's Thursday Night sitcom "Outsourced". Episodes 121 and 122 to air in April and May 2011.
	Ms. Aneesh Sheth is a transgender actress and activist. Born in Pune, India.

Back Again!!!

Hi friends, my on again off again Internet service is back on!
As always, life has continued to move at "warp" speed even if my Internet doesn't.
My "weekend" is over. Monday and Tuesday are basically my days off and I had two fun days. 
I've mentioned before my Tuesday trips to a huge 2 dollar pint night at a nearby sports pub. My Tuesday visit this week was unique in that I was able to find a good seat that allowed me to observe others and enjoy my evening (even watching my favorite baseball team win on one of the big screens). The crowd was young with more females than I have seen for awhile.  Most likely because many of the colleges are starting to finish for the summer.
I felt humbled by all the beautiful young women in the pub and happy I could co-exist without so much a glance.
Towards the end of the evening a glitzy beautiful blond grabbed one of the two rare open seats next to me.  From head to toe she had it all. Great makeup, clothes, jewelry and purse showed she put a lot into her style. I wondered how many of us noticed how she matched a necklace to a purse!
Very shortly, a big muscle bound guy showed up and took the seat between us. For the first ten minutes or so he showed interest in her but then began to get up and spend some time with some other male friends that arrived later. In addition, one of the male bartenders  showed just a little too much interest. She quickly became a little uneasy about the whole situation.
All the years of thinking a "girl's life" was soooo much easier.(I haven't thought that in years) was proven wrong last night. The woman had obviously put a lot of time effort and cash into looking her best. She obviously cared to make the evening a success with the look in her eyes as she looked at him.
Not so easy being a woman!
I "girl talked" the evening with my "BFF" later and told her the story. She was ready to give me the "you'll find out" talk when I turned the tables on her.
I told her I understand more and more her obsession with weight loss and hair and what ever.  If she loses the magic 20 pounds, the sky will open with men knocking at her door.  That of course is an exaggeration but my point is that the woman last night may have thought the same thing.  If her hair was different, if her makeup or clothes were different or if she had bigger boobs...would have the guy paid more attention?
It is no wonder women have the obsessions they do.  My very limited experience with men led me the same direction. Lose the weight, buy the clothes and perfect the makeup and I will be desired for ever!
I have known for years each gender has their own cross to bear. This female cross is huge!!!

"Normal" Ohio.

I'm sure you all have been to your "Normal". If you live there long enough, you begin to feel very comfortable.
 The sun rises and sets exactly the same on your " Normal" as others.
My "Normal" is gaining population. For whatever reason some people want in. I am very comfortable here and learning more about living here. Many are curious. Many just want to see what all the fuss is about.
On occasion, I wonder if I am too comfortable. Will I be too complacent and open myself for some unexpected problem?  Outsiders passing through and looking into "normal" may not appreciate it's population.
It takes us all a lifetime to build our "Normal". On occasion, the "Normal" you see is a mirage. The "All American" church going neighbors are really swingers? Really?
Maybe that is part of the reason my "Normal" looks good to a few outsiders. It has become very ironic that a lifestyle that started as a gender masquerade, has become such an exercise in reality.
Agree or not agreeing  with my life is fine. Agreeing with my right to do it and having the courage to do it makes the "Welcome to Normal" sign look really good to some. The rest? Time will tell.

Give Me A Head With Hair!

Men want it when it goes. Men like the sensual look and feel of it on women..
Women spend excessive time and expense to coerce it.
What is the name of this human obsession? Hair!
In many cases we are stereotyped by it. The big bald man with tattoos  is perceived as vastly different than the black man with dreadlocks.
Women are ruled by the age/length hair stereotype.  Maybe the biological clock in women dictates the shortening of the hair as the years progress.
I'm tall so the rules dictate I'm "allowed" to go long with my hair. I'm "more mature" so I'm  not allowed too.
The erotic feel of the hair is wonderful and the effect is good.  I have no visible "Adam's Apple" because my neck is short and thicker. The longer hair and a "v neckline" give me the effect of a longer look which I need. The problem is  the less than realistic "wiggy" look. We have all seen the woman whose long beautiful hair does not quite match the rest of her. Her hair screams "wig"! I've actually seen two trans sisters in public situations whose hair gave them away.
I've said many times I rely upon the mirror and finally the public on how I present. Failure was never an option. Recently though, failure is tragedy.
I can always work with my clothes and I need to work with my makeup to keep my feminine life in balance. Hair seems to make it all happen or not. Maybe I'm not so different from my sisters who spend time and dollars on their hair constantly. Not so different at all!

Love at First Sight?

As narcissistic and selfish as it may sound, I have fallen in love with that woman in the mirror who is me. As with most quick relationships, love turned to lust and then to reality.
As reality set in and my sorority membership started to become validated, my image became more complex.
As the same people saw me in the same situation multiple times, I was restricted in how I could change hair colors for example.
I have said it myself. Change is so much a part of a woman's looks. She can cut, dye and extend her hair. I found  I could do the same...by accident. I've told the story of my two dark hairstyles which are the same length. One is wavy and the other is very straight. Without hesitation I learned to tell inquisitive women my hair was naturally wavy which I didn't like and I have it straightened. Knowing full well most women never like their hair the way it is.
My many trips to wig stores over the years even provided me with yet another alternative. I have a short version of the straight hair and my story to go with it. Hair extensions on occasion give me the longer look.
On occasion, all of this hair talk makes me feel uncomfortable about the honesty of it all. It just happens so naturally and quickly it just seems right somehow.
The truly enjoyable fun part of the experience is that I am a huge fan of hair.  Hair is sexy, attractive and is even powerful. My three styles have given me an all important outlet for change and on occasion one or all of the above!

Guy Drag!

The saddest part of my day  is when I unhook my bra and get into my guy drag.
Over my experiments on the dating sites many ask me... do I live as a guy too?
I used to say yes.
Now I quote a line from one our readers here.
No, I live as a female and get dressed in guy drag to work.
How profound and worth sharing again!

Female Bigots?

Indirectly, this topic led to me getting kicked out of yet another "Yahoo" group.  The wife of one of the moderators of the site took offense to my use of the term "female bigot".
She was especially harsh with her criticism of another member's view of "becoming" a female. You all know my feelings on the subject. No one can make the physical transition from male to female completely now.  Big things like a uterus, ovaries and such stand in the way  She thought.a trans woman could never know what it is really to be female. She would have been correct if she had used it in context that no one knows what it is to be another. She is wrong in that you can accept and learn the female role.
I asked if she was a female bigot? Was there some reason in her mind a trans woman couldn't feel and be a complete female (except for the obvious)? The fact is I have met several happy well adjusted trans girls that are more femme than most genetic girls.
Never knowing when to stop, I asked if she was one of the women who believe a trans girls rest room privileges should be revoked too? How could I miss out on the "super secret" age spot discussions?
Let me climb down off my soap box. Carefully of course in my high heeled shoes... There is no way I could do it correctly (according to her) as I move to the back of the gender girl bus.
Fortunately, I believe female gender bigots are rare. Most of the genetic females I have ever known have been very accepting...exceedingly accepting. This woman's problem may have been rooted in the fact that "hubby" was deeply involved in moderating this group and she didn't want him to go too female.
Understandable but it is her cross to bear!

Ride the "Transgender Express"

Quite by accident I stumbled upon yet another transgendered blog on the world wide web. "The Transgender Express" . The blog is written by a young transgendered woman named "Annika". Here is a little of her intro:
I’m still in the beginning stages of a long and rewarding process. I
try to avoid looking at too many transition time lines that I find

online. It makes me feel like a child counting down the days until her
next birthday. I can’t fast-forward time — so blogging about my
experiences is much healthier and more productive.

I hope to provide periodic updates on my transition here on
Autostraddle, as well as reflections on how my girlfriend and I are
losing the heteronormative privilege that we had taken for granted for
most of our relationship. I have no idea about what’s to come in the
months ahead, but I do know that I’m no longer filled with dread when
imagining my future. One thing is certain– I won’t be invited to the
annual frat alumni golf tournament this summer.

I particularly  like the term "heteronormative"! The blog is well balanced with experiences and pictures. Check it out!
Cyrsti

Just When You Thought You Have Seen It All...

Check out Haruna Ai, the Japanese transgender woman who won the "Miss Transgender Cosmos Pageant  last fall.

My Time of the Month?

Maybe it's the winter "blahs". It seems my part of the world has been locked in the grips of a gray snowy winter longer than usual. Maybe it's the decision of where and how my life may go is affecting me? No matter how I cut it I'm on this cliff looking down at major decisions. Do I continue down the same dual gendered path or do I explore the wild wonderful world of hormones?
Complicating the matter even further is the sexual aspect of all of this. Which, by choice I don't discuss here.
Right or wrong, I have lived my life on it's own playing field. It has called the plays and I have responded. Do any of us have the right or opportunity to really challenge destiny?
Deep down inside the girl in me feels so at home. Life obviously has shown be the path but not how to walk it or the courage to do it.
Then again, is all of this just a reaction to coming off of a tremendous high at the first of the year?
New look, new friends and challenges have leveled off as they always do. I cherish my friends and they are so difficult to find that I find a tremendous satisfaction when I find one.
Maybe it's time for my own personal trip to my beauty salon.  Why not work with a new hair style? Cis-women have done it forever. I just have been hesitant to go that route too much.
One of the benefits in my part of the world is the changing of the seasons. The rebirth of life in the spring is just around the corner.
It's time to shop for more than new spring fashion!