"Steath Girls"

I chat with a very interesting, educated and intelligent woman at least once a week.  I would have had no way of knowing she was not born female from her pictures until she told me. I really respected her for that.
In her part of the world, she is going to interact with a government agency about discrimination. I immediately thought "transgendered" and she told me not necessarily.  Unless "outed" she was going to protest as a "bi female". I thought wow, our group and her group just got left out again.
I started to think about it and here is part of my response:.
I read "stealth" into much of your ideas.
I used to feel that the trans people who finished their journey just went away and vanished into thin air somehow hurt our group as a whole.
Our true role models disappear and we are left with Jerry Springer.
More and more, my ideas are changing. Realistically, if I was taking the path that you and many others have taken to evolve into your mental gender...I would go stealth too. Maybe.
One could even argue the term "stealth" could be changed to "arrive".
In addition, I try to be as stealth as the next trans girl in public. I am what I am and have very few problems any more in my chosen gender. So am I stealth or have I arrived?
I satisfy my need to "pay forward" and help others with my blog. That's enough right now.
The end result is I have so much respect for the "radicals" amoung us who are anti-stealth and showing the world who we really are. 
"Radical Queer" or whatever the "Anti Stealth" would be labeled is a fork in the road I will face later!

What's It Really Mean?

All the current fashion runway publicity revolving around "Lea T" and "Andrej Pejic" means exactly what to the transgendered community?
Did the "glam rockers' or the "club kids" do any thing for us? No not really. No mainstream change. When movies such as "Tootsie" came out, did that help? Maybe a little.
"Alex Fury's" article in the UK's "Independent" gives us some possible insight from the runway.
Here's is a portion of his story.
So where will this interest take us next? The womenswear shows are
currently in full flow, hot on the heels of a menswear season that
questioned the status quo between the sexes at every turn. Whether
fashion will bravely continue to transgress the boundaries, or will
wilt into the shadows of gender stereotypes, remains to be seen.
Leading the vanguard as he prepares for Candy's third issue, Luis
Venegas is philosophical about his aims. "If showing these images and
stories somehow helps to change the conventions and what people see as
elegant or right or wrong, I'm happy about it. That wasn't the plan,
but at least people can look at this in a different way."
For what it's worth, I'm a real believer that we are starting to see the merging of the genders.  Human evolution, chemicals we consume and social media outlets are pushing the gender envelopes like we have never seen
If the current runway style helps or not has yet to be seen.  At the least, it's not negative and probably does not reach much of society, but who knows? It can't hurt!

Up Against the Wall!

Passing by the wall of employee info, I happened to glance at the "Equal Opportunity Statement"
Of course I have seen it a million times and like everything else, it kind of just blends in after a while. This time it didn't.
I realized it did not refer to me.  As an older white male, I have been conditioned in the rules and regulations of equal opportunity hiring. Primarily, questions you can ask or not ask in a interview situation. It occurred to me that if I asked "are you transgendered" and the answer was yes I could basically say thanks and we will save your application. (Don't call us...we'll call you)
I also thought if I changed my clothing to meet my chosen gender, I would be gone shortly at my job.  Sure, I could sue and make a big deal about the whole thing. I would but the end result would be the same. I have no equal rights.
What am I doing about all of this?
I feel the acquaintances I meet and the columns I write help a little. I wish I could do more, surely like the rest of you. Hopefully together we can continue to do our "small parts" and the future will bring equal opportunity to us too!
If I didn't mention "Stana" and her "Femulate" blog at this point it would be a huge mistake.  Her "outreach" efforts to colleges in her area are a classic example of bettering our future! She is a quest speaker and explains life as she knows it and more importantly answers much needed questions! Following in her steps is one of my goals!

L-Room Chatter.

I've written before about how mundane I've found the "atmosphere" in the ladies room. (I did find how many women are not ladies!) lol!
I was prepared for this mystical experience in an estrogen filled escape for women.  Where they go in pairs and disappear.
Another myth shattered.  Sure the conversation normally centers around guys or families and every once in a while "I'm bleeding like a stuffed pig."
Last night though was different in one of my visits to "the room". One of the servers in a place I go on a regular basis couldn't wait to follow me in and show me her new engagement ring. Wow I thought quickly, how do I handle this girl to girl?  Do I jump up and down like the women I see in the jewelry commercial? Just kidding!
I was properly impressed and asked her if a date had been set and said the ring was beautiful. I was more impressed that she wanted to show me! How nice!
The best comment however came from one of two women who were busily talking about a certain date one of them had been on.  I was in the stall and overheard one of them say " I was wearing a short top with red leggings and heels. I normally don't dress that way."  As I came out and washed my hands, one of them was adjusting "the girls" dressed almost exactly that way!

Oldies but Goodies!

With all the recent buzz about the new transgender models, it's interesting to learn of some of the pioneers on the runways  Here are just a couple from the 60's!

In the early to mid 60's , April Ashley was not only a glamorous model, but  became a socialite as well, spending time with royalty throughout Europe. 

 In 1965  "Amnda Lear" began to model for the likes of Paco Rabanne and Yves St Laurent, and then became a muse for Salvador Dali.  She appeared on the cover of Brian Ferry's album "For Your Pleasure" in the early 1970s and then later started dating (and lived with) David Bowie. 

 

I

Another Look!

For a very  interesting and enlightening look into what our "trans-brothers" face head to "http://tranifesto.com/".
A reader writes: “How could one change the current climate for gay trans men in the gay male community?”

My answer: One mind at a time.

This is a continuation of last week’s Ask Matt Monday, which dealt with trans men and lesbian communities. And this is a tough one, because I think there is a different dynamic in gay male communities.

When I first started my transition, I identified as a gay man, which did not go over well with one population – gay men. The gay men who heard me speak complained that I was appropriating their identity, that I didn’t share the “gay male experience” that had shaped the lives of gay men, and that I couldn’t compare my experience to theirs.

Being opinionated, impetuous, and newly testosterone-fueled, I was slow to catch on. But I eventually realized that they were right – at least in my case. I do know some gay trans men who have been gay men since they were old enough to formulate an identity, regardless of their body configuration, but the neighborhood Barbra Streisand fan club that I started at eleven and my childhood obsession with The Wizard of Oz really don’t qualify me

It seems our tran gendered brethren face the same problems with the Male Gay community as we do!
While it's true we do not share the male gay experience per se, we do share the many of the same slights. Hopefully we will never share much of the gay male popuations' lack of compassion.

Lips!

Check out the latest cover from LOVE. Starring Kate Moss and transgender model Lea T. sharing an intimate kiss, the cover is part of the magazine's 'Androgyny Issue'.That is not the end of it!

Justin Bieber will appear on another cover for the edition. Why "The Beib's? Because the teen pop star has attracted a cult following online of Lesbians Who Look Like Justin Bieber. Should make an interesting cover! Maybe they should call it "Justin looks like a Lesbian?" Then again, what's a lesbian supposed to look like?

Fun Horoscope!

Libra (September 23- October 22) Forget the good girl routine, because you know once the doors close the freak in you can work it out in ways no one would ever suspect. This week, time to pull those shades down tighter, because your animal instincts will be sharper than ever and it’s time to take your flirtations to the next level — and yes, you will deserve everything coming!!!!
Yes girls, I'm a Libra and I'm ready to warm the winter up!

Keeping "Abreast" of the Situation.

Can you really think of one part of the body that causes so much attention and conversation as the breasts? The number of different names alone are amazing.
Of course guys are drawn to them naturally but in many senses, women are too. Aren't teen aged girls as worried about when and how their breasts will develop as teen aged boys are worried about looking? As men grow older and a little more wiser, they at least attempt to be a little more sly when sneaking a breast stare.  My classic "Hey! My eyes are up here" moments have come from teen boys. Didn't have to worry about passing them. Their eyes never made it off my chest.
As life goes on breasts help define a woman's femininity. In the case of breast cancer women often worry as much about the loss of a breast as the overall health considerations.
Let's not forget the overall growth of "Boob Jobs" women are using to correct nature's mistakes. If you don't want to go to that excess, just head to "Victoria Secrets" and purchase that special bra! High Tech Chest!
What does all this mean to the transgendered girl?
If you have your own breasts, are you satisfied with the size? If you don't, it is certainly easy to solve that problem. There are many different breast forms on the market. Number one, they are very realistic and number two they give you the option to choose a size.
That is not as easy at it seems.  We all are warned not to go the "Dolly Parton" look with her huge breasts.On the other hand a look that is proportionate to your body is preferred! Not so easy for a first time shopper on a breast form site.  I was lucky. I started backwards from a bra I really liked. I used the cup size to order the form and the look was wonderful.
The next step any real girl will tell you is your bra. From medieval torture device to erotic clothing a bra is your best friend. A good bra can lift you, smooth you and even give you a hint of nipple under that thin top.
Trans girls don't normally have the female mentor to help us with our first or even our tenth bra. Once again it is a trial and mostly error experience on one of the most important parts of our wardrobe.
Once you do get it right and that guy has a hard time finding your eyes...congratulations!

A Visit from The Fashion Goddess!

On a whim I bought a long scarf.
Being the "bargain bitch" I am, it was on sale at one of the big box stores.
It has been exceedingly chilly in my part of the world .Maybe global warming is waiting another year? For such frigid occasions I have a long black wool coat that is very warm and very plain. Hmm, I thought, a scarf! Why not.
Then the indecision set it. What length, what color, fringe or not? Decisions!
In a rare moment of fashion color sense, I chose a paisley style print. It's a rich mix of gold, burgundy and even a little black mixed in. Not too gaudy but enough color to give the coat a little class and me a little more warmth.
Little did I know, the magic scarf would also work well with my "shaggy dog" coat. "Shaggy" is soft warm and fuzzy. The sleeves are long with fabulous soft fringe.
Shaggy and the scarf were instant friends. The gold worked so well with the tan shaggy. The burgundy set off the scarf to make it a highlight. A match made in heaven. But all of us weren't done. A trip through the jewlery box unearthed a little worn broach that happened to have a matching burgundy color.
I did forget this fashion splash began with my creamy tan sweater, tan and black streaked jeans and fur lined boots.
God, I hoped I looked as good as I thought I did! The evening was great fun, so maybe I did.
The bottom line however was the fashion gods just happened to smile on me last night. Why? It may have stemmed from one of the basics learned from my obsessive fashion research.
Build your look and your wardrobe from specific pieces you have collected over the seasons. Last night the newest articles in my wardrobe were my panty hose and the scarf. Everything else was at least a year old and obtained from sales racks to thrift stores.
Lock in on your style and let the shopping fun begin! Be sure though you don't tell anyone about that little "fashion goddess" statue you have hidden in your closet! It's your secret!

Got To Have Some Fun!

It's easy to become too serious about the transgendered situation in the world!
This is when it's fun to bring up a quote from The Frisky about some "girly girl" things!

"These days a formal boudoir is hard to come by, so naturally a girl's gotta stake her territory elsewhere. This adorable cream-and-pink shower curtain will be like a flag, telling your gentlemen callers that this room right here is where the magic happens. The vintage beauty supplies depicted on the curtain — curlers, pearls, perfume diffusers — are too cute for words. Every glamour girl needs a bathtub shower curtain as pretty as she is! 

Think about it! Before you put that silky smooth shave to your legs. Before you slip into that new sexy dress and heels...enjoy your own girly girl bath.

How much fun is that!

One more thing girls, don't forget to add a dash of you favorite perfume!

Nirvana

Yes! "Nirvana" is what I feel when my gender meets the soul. It took me this long to finally came up with  a word for the warmth I feel.. According to one dictionary "an ideal condition of warmth, peace and joy."
Even in my part of the winter world, removing my coat, knocking the snow from boots and re fluffing my hair equals instant warmth.
Just taking my life to this point has been an extraordinary journey of pain and joy. A person I met on another site summed it up this way to me:

"It looks to me that TGs core problem is really believing they are who they want to be. It can't be easy; especially after years of doubts, then tentative beliefs, and finally self acceptance and belief in who you really are inside, regardless of what your outside is.   

It obviously takes a lot of courage.  Anyone with half a brain should at least respect that part of the transition. Going from one gender to another, especially if you still stay in your current social and work environment has to be an extraordinary effort!!" 

I'm not searching for a compliment here. I am always searching though, for a person who is literate enough to put into words some of our struggle. The words are more profound when you consider his background. A past that had nothing to do with our family.

Perhaps we should all share in his compliment!

Goodby "10"

So much for the big plans for ending 2010.  Not only did work interfere this year,  I worked New Years Eve for awhile and have to work New Years Day. I've also been really sick for about three days this week.
I hoping none of this is a precursor of 2011.
I really don't believe that it is. Fortune or misfortune is a natural part of life and how you handle it makes you the person you are.
BUT being a tad spoiled, ushering 2011 in with some special friends would have really been my choice!
As it turned out it did, but not the way I expected.
I went to a close neighborhood tavern with a best friend as my male self. Yes, the same place I've been going to for over 30 years. My best friend is a genetic female who knows of my female side but chooses not to mention it.
As the midnight hour approached I was texting friends who only know my female self.
At midnight the bar exploded with the usual fun stupid stuff. Silly strings, horns, hats and poppers.
You know what? Guy self broke down and had a great time.
Does this change anything? No. The only thing this does prove is maybe I am a little wiser after 2010. Hopefully 2011 will prove that.
Peace my sisters and may the force be with you!

Date Night

In the comment section of my last post, Janie asked for more information on my dates with guys.
She asked "How did I manage to find the guys?"
Dating sites!  True story girls.
The cost is about 15 dollars a month per site.
I have gotten at least 5 to 10 "flirts" a day with my pix and a profile that plainly states I'm transgendered.
The response itself floored me.
I've had a couple less than happy guys who had to "Google" transgendered to find out what it meant.
A few more have been curious and asked questions.
The biggest percentage however didn't care!
Most of these guys come from the 45-65 age bracket.
I'll keep you all posted!

A New Step.

Even after all these years it happens. At every door. Entering any room full of strangers.  The Adrenalin flow mixes with insecurity.  A powerful potion.
It occurred to me how little has changed with this potion from my earliest days.  From the first steps out the front door and down the drive way to the mailbox to the trips around the neighborhood all were so exciting and scary!
All was good a couple nights ago. I caught my shadow in the parking lot lights and heard the click of my boots when I entered the pub. Removing my coat and fluffing my hair was even more reassuring. All was correct in my girl world!
One of the reasons I like the place so much are the mirrors behind the bar. I can check my girl world. Sometime that's good...sometimes not so much. It was good that night!
At any rate, for some reason, my first trip to the bathroom produced some of the same old feelings. On my way out, I touched up my makeup and checked that all my clothes were in the right place.  As I reached for the door to leave, it was as if time froze for a second.  What or who was on the other side? What will they think of me? Is my posture correct? How about walking tall and proud in my boots?
Then I realized, nothing has changed.  The same insecure girl is still there. Maybe she always will be?  I'm sure genetic girls have the same problems too so maybe it comes with the territory. Enjoy it or get over it.

By the way. Thanks to all you current and new followers, Your input is always appreciated!

Info Overload!

Perhaps you've seen one of both of these articles. One comes from the "New York Times" and is an overall look at the seeming explosion of "trans" activity. If you haven't heard of "Candy" Magazine read about it here. It's awesome!

Luis Venegas, Editor "Candy"

The other is a very complex look at "transphobia" from a site called "QT". Be warned if you are interested, factor in a lot of time!
Yet another focus comes from a totally different angle.  I read "Blogher" on occasion to see what genetic girls are thinking. The site has a feature called "Own Your Beauty". It gives incredible insight into what women think of beauty and why you feel the way you do.

My  point is how varied the entire transgender topic is.
Hopefully you will be able to discover or learn from one or more of these sites!
Cyrsti

Top Ten Reasons!

Here they are! The Top 10 reasons to date a trans girl!
1.- guy has been trashed by g-girls in the dating scene.
2.-guy wants a girl who will do her best to look good for him...always
3.-guy wants a girl who can really understand him.
4.-guy wants a girl who is not a nag and knows when to shut up.
5.-guy wants a girl who is NOT after his money or wants to get married.
6.-guy wants a girl whose biological clock is non existent along with periods and mood swings.
7.-guy wants a girl who only shares his interests for the short period of time needed to "catch him".
8.-guy wants a girl who knows what "space" is and how to give it to him.
9.-guy wants an "old school type girl" Sometimes it takes a man to know what a woman should act like. Many women have forgotten.
10.-guy is bored and wants a new and exotic person in his life.




Cyrsti "Letterman"!
I know I've done these before but I just answered a question in a yahoo group I'm still allowed in. I thought I would pass it along!

Take Me Out To the Ballgame!

I'm certainly not the first transgender girl to go to an NFL game and hopefully I won't be the last. It's a god given right to love football if you are a guy or a girl or both!
Yes I did go to a Monday night NFL game with 3 friends.  My initial reaction was WOW - this trip is not for the faint of heart!
I have been to a bunch of games, but never as a girl. So I knew what to expect from the other side.
Game time temperature was about 55 degrees which was beautiful for Cincinnati in November. I was able to wear flats, jeans and a vest coat over a sweater. That's all good.
We had a great parking pass and only had to walk through one tailgate area. My major problem was   worrying about how my hair looked. LoL! On the other hand,  I just couldn't loosen up and feel the moment. Remember, a couple years ago, you couldn't have convinced me to do this.
At this point we are moving with the mob of people into the stadium and through a security checkpoint. We all had to open our jackets for a pat down. Not much choice but I tried to pick a younger female guard.  She patted me down and knew I wasn't all I appeared to be and kind of smiled as I went through and on to the ticket gate. Internally, I breathed a sigh of relief although I didn't really think this spot would be a problem.
The ticket taker was a breeze since they never look up anyhow and we all got into to the stadium as a group.
One of the other two women had to use the bathroom, so I rounded us up some beers while she was in there. I went to one of the vendors just selling out of his case and he did look up enough to see he didn't have to card me. Good, but not a compliment?
At this point the theme of the evening was being set. Yes I did get some recognition but not much and no real negatives. The problem was still me! I didn't have enough courage to use the restroom to check my look I felt as if I was flying blind.
The good thing was I didn't have time to dwell on it as we were headed for our seats and they were excellent!  We were within a comfortable distance of the field and sitting around a more "upscale" clientele.  I only had to shuffle past four older guys to get to my seat and they showed no signs of recognition. I did think I heard "that's a dude" on the way down the steps, but I can't be sure.
At this point, I had mixed emotions. If you are a sports fan and are in a NFL Stadium, they do it right. It's a spectacle and I was excited to be there! BUT those damn lights were not doing me any favors! I did manage to pull out my compact and sneak a peek and that was a mistake! Too late to run and hide!
Game time was still about ten minutes away and the camera that travels on the wires above the field was roving all over. If you never have seen one, it is about 50' above the field and has tremendous flexibility on where they can go with it. Well, here's my fantasy story of the evening. I was watching it as it came to our area of the stands and literally stopped right in front of us. So here was "Big Brother" staring at me! Now, logic dictates the camera was shooting the whole section and the live broadcast of the game hadn't even started yet. But logic also could dictate the control room guys had spotted the TG girl in the crowd. It's my story and I'm sticking to it!
Finally the game got started and everyone decided to stand through the whole half.  Not so much a problem but I'm glad I'm wore the comfortable flats and not my new boots! The best part was that no one in the section was really giving me a second glance. Maybe this won't be so bad after all? I still had a long way to go however and  the next big decision was coming up. Do I stay put or go during halftime?
Well, I didn't have to "go" so I stayed put. I got out my cell phone and got busy sending some pix of the stadium and text's to friends. Many of which didn't know "how" I attended the game.
If you don't know, NFL halftimes aren't very long and everyone was back and ready for the second half. With the new half a few new problems appeared. One of which was sitting next to my friend who got the tix. He switched seats with a friend and was very obnoxious.  He was bothering her about her Steeler" coat and looking over her shoulder at me. I kept thinking "here it comes" but it never did from him. The worst that ever happened was some guys behind me tapping me on my shoulder for a "high 5" or two. In addition, there were three or four middle aged guys a couple rows down who would look over their shoulders and lean in and talk.
So! All of this could have been just paranoia.
As we were leaving, I had a guy stop be and thought he knew me and an obnoxious woman get in my face and stare. That was it.
Bottom line is I'm really happy that I went. I'm really unhappy I didn't ALLOW myself to enjoy it more.Yes,  the major determination of you being able to do this is how you look but there is so much more.
I'm very sure there will be a next time. Everyone in the group seemed to really enjoy themselves and the lady who got the tix and I get along well.
The only problem I see is the next invite is mine!
The next time I will relax and be me!

Halloween Party?

Due to work obligations, I knew my Halloween this year was not going to happen.
I didn't give the matter much thought as I entered my usual hang out last Friday night-and walked right into their Halloween party.
I almost panicked!  A Halloween party is one of the hardest places to present as an actual female. People are obviously looking for all others in costume. "Ha Ha dude, want a beer? Nice costume" is exactly what I heard one place last year when I went to one of the biggest Halloween street fairs in the state. Unfortunately I was just dressed as me...no costume.
This year again I  was just in jeans and a sweater as I quickly surveyed the scene and got ready for reaction.. I saw about half the group was actually in costume.
I was sure someone would spot me as a possible costume contestant but  I was able to find a seat at the bar with no trouble. I got no reaction.
Soon, after my first beer, it was time to survey the crowd to see if anyone else was dressed as a girl. Interestingly enough, the only remote possibility was a person across the bar wearing some big blond hair. "He" turned out of be one of the female managers in costume and probably wouldn't appreciate my thoughts on her costume. She made a great "drag queen"!
I guess you could say my Halloween was real boring this year for all the right reasons!

Act Like You've Been There!

Humans are natural predators, they do sense when something is wrong. When you consider your presentation as a woman, your attitude should be a big priority.  You, after all, are doing nothing wrong.
Now, put the high heel on the other foot.
What if you see one of us in public and it is fairly obvious.  Do you say anything?
What if you are wrong? Are you going to hurt the other person's feelings? Do they really want to know you read them?
I'm sure you can add at least 5 more questions to this list, but would you like to be approached?
I would from the stand point I would really love to find a friend who gets out and lives life as I do. If she is shopping too as a girl-that's a great start to a friendship!
However, my ego would be bruised as it always is when someone picks me out as a guy not a girl.
The bitch in me dictates that the other person doesn't know the truth until I talk to them.
The instances of all of this happening have been exceedingly rare.  I would say, over a ten year period I have spotted around five individuals who I was positive were transgender.
Two were walking the same mall I was in. Two were in stores and one came into my favorite casual bar in heels and hose. One other time I was approached by a guy who said he dressed.
That's it!
The only one I talked to was obviously the guy. I was going into my "spot" for a drink and I asked him if he wanted to come in. Yes it is a straight place and no he didn't.
The one I wished I would have talked to was the "heels and hose" girl but she drank her wine and left before I even knew it.
All the others looked so nervous, I was afraid to say a word.
Maybe they broke the number one rule? Did I notice something was wrong with the way they looked or the way they acted? Probably actions on two and looks on two.
The bottom line is-if you are going to say something positive do it! You can approach us in typical female style. "Wow, I love those earrings!"
If you think I'm a girl and you really do like them, that's great! If not, that's OK too!