Hows That Working For 'Ya?'

Every once in a while I try to pause and look around at life as a transgender person and I see for certain, there is no right or wrong way to do this. Lately, seemingly one major change has been I haven't read much recently from groups I call the "Rad Fem's" or the "Trans Nazi's" and more from those describing their experiences: Like-

FABULOUSCONNIEDEEJanuary 22, 2015 at 6:52 PM

I use my own voice when I sing. I used to wonder if people were taking me for a drag queen - or even an "impersonator". What I learned, though, is that, by just being genuine and true to myself, people have accepted me as just that. This doesn't apply only to being an entertainer, however, as being genuine and true to oneself always will reap great reward. If you doubt who you are, people will doubt if you are (or worse, "what" you are).

And:

PamJanuary 22, 2015 at 11:29 PM

Crysti, I definitly agree about the Columbus, Ohio being more accepting then other parts of Ohio. I live in Westerville a suburb. My form of advocacy involves being open about myself where I work, the groups I belong to (non-trans) and at church. This give people a chance to see we are mostly just like them and not some exotic person that they find offensive.

Using a well worn term from the "old country" - "you is what you is and not what you ain't." No amount of surgery or HRT is going to change you but it will change how you view the world...a difference almost as big as being a cross dresser to being a transgender person. My partner Liz used to be fond of telling me how wonderful it was for me to be able to reinvent myself.  Then we learned together that wasn't quite the case. I was just me all along, just hidden.  Sometimes good-sometimes not so good.

Then again: 

FABULOUSCONNIEDEEJanuary 22, 2015 at 6:14 PM

I don't think that we can ever wipe out, completely, sixty-years-worth of all the crap. Maybe if we were given sixty more years to do so? Well, only if I can still wear my 4" heels - otherwise, I can't imagine getting that old. I've managed to make it through a whole day without thinking of my "condition", but the fact that I finally came to realize that I had done that, patting my own back for it only makes me realize that I've got a long way to go yet.

Don't we all!

Don't I HAVE to Have Lists?

Well, sure I do!  The problem I have is remembering 2014 because it was a blur and it is easy to get stuck on tons of individual events.

Easily though the #1 Worst happening of the year was when I was gender slurred at the LOKI Group dance near Cincinnati. My partner Liz identifies as lesbian and she wanted to go so I did and for all intents and purposes got bounced. Later I got this message:  "An Organizer removed you from this Meetup Group. Check out other LGBT Meetups near you." As I said at the time, I ran into an obvious radical feminist protecting her pile of sand in the girls sandbox.  It just brought to me the reality of bigots in the world.

Easily, the #1 Best happening of 2014 came on the night Liz and I went to a big sports bar/tavern close to her to watch our "The Ohio State Buckeyes" play Wisconsin in the Big Ten Championship Game. Sure, the Buckeyes won big (an incredibly tough task coming up against Alabama this week) but even bigger was the fact absolutely no one gave me a second look.  Groups of guys playing darts, families, other women-no one. 

(Don't ask me to speculate WHY the most likely transgender bigots come from within the LGBTQ community?)

The biggest surprise of the year actually came recently in the month of December. For some reason, my HRT hormones went into hyper-drive. I became moody, my breasts were sore and other minor changes happened.  Often I am not the sharpest tack in the box and after I was whining for probably the thousandth time to Liz, she said relax, you just had a period.  You couldn't bleed of course, but the rest of you had a period.  It's taken a while and normal is difficult for me to relate to; I'm getting back there now.

Looking back at 2014 though, I have to toss you a cop out.  Without question, the year was the most exciting, scary and satisfying one of my life.  I am sure I will think of other "additions" to this post later. Maybe 2015?

Gender Slur Bitch II

Thanks all for the quality comments about the generic lesbian who sought me out for a slur:
From Jen Smith:


Has this 'gender slur bitch' forgotten that gays and lesbians used to be ridiculed, humiliated, and excluded from attending "mainstream" events, bullied at school and in public, beaten, and so on?????

Oh.... wait.... they still are.... too.... Just like she did to you.

Grrrrrrrr!!!! Blood boiling over!!!!!


Pat:


It is sad that a group that would demand equality of treatment and opportunity would turn around and cut down and cut off others that are only seeking similar equality. It is hard to tolerate bigotry. Since Liz is a member she should be afforded the right to associate with whomever she pleases.


Paula:


Maybe it's because we are all musicians, but the everyone in the LGSO and LGSW are fully accepting of each other regardless of sexual preferences, gender identity skin colour or indeed anything else except technical ability


Paula, I do think it is important to note the woman I encountered was not the "norm" in the group, although I'm fairly sure she is one of the "lead dogs." As a group though, we do know there is quite the vocal group of radical feminists who are militantly opposed to any transgender gender ideas.  Maybe "gender slut bitch" is one of them.


Pat, you are right and I told them, why are they discriminating against one of their "own" regardless of what they think of me. Never got an answer. It's important to note Liz was only looking for a group of open minded "like thinking" women.


Jen, I'm going to be kind and say "GSB" has not forgotten and decided to establish her own social circle of those socially abused in a similar way. However, she is stuck in some vintage "Little Rascal's" comedy short where the girls had one club and the boys had another.  So, not being invited to either, she started her own exclusive club. Unfortunately, GSB hasn't realized the world is changing.


By the way, the group sent out invites to a political meeting Monday and Liz responded "I was considering coming, but my transgender partner was made to feel unwelcome."  We will see how far this will go!

While my Blog Gently Weeps

As I was going through my morning emails, two items struck me as being exceedingly sad. Certainly both plant the transphobic seeds which encourage violence directed at and suicide within our transgender culture.
Neither are new. One was the infamous radical femme site called Pretendbians. So bad I'm not even passing along a link.

Then of course, there our "fair and unbiased"  Fox News Transphobes.

According to Media Matters   Fox seems to have largely given up in its losing battle against marriage equality for gays and lesbians, but there's still one segment of the LGBT community that it feels comfortable openly mocking and demonizing on air: transgender people. In late 2011, during the controversy surrounding Chaz Bono's participation on Dancing with the Stars, Fox News host Megyn Kelly made the surprising move of expressing her support for transgender people. During the September 1, 2011 edition of America Live, Kelly stated: The transgender, they go through so much pain and emotional turmoil in dealing with the effects of that disorder or whatever you want to call it and I don't think they need people piling on and mocking them once they do something that many people consider very brave. But that's me, that's my two cents. [emphasis added]

 That sentiment wasn't shared by her Fox News co-workers, including Fox News "Medical A-Team" member Dr. Keith Ablow, who argued that supporting transgender people was "insane" and "psychologically destructive." In fact, it appears that most of Fox News' employees have ignored Kelly's suggestion. Over the past several years, the network has routinely made the transgender community a target of its mockery, misinformation, and general anti-LGBT fear mongering."

All of this leads to wondering about contacts I have known over the years.  Who have just flat out disappeared.  While I know many times some of them made an attempt to "purge" and go back to their birth gender lifestyle, decided the transgender life wasn't for them or went stealth and never said bye- I understand. The ones I do worry about though are the those who will never return at all and took the ultimate route out the door. Certainly it's not a needless worry in the transgender society with such high suicide rates.

I wonder, do the rad femmes or the folks at Fox  ever worry when they are alone, deep in thought about their actions?

It's so sad that hate in any form gets to this level. I understand the talking heads at Fox are just media bullies trying to make a buck at someone else's expense but the others sooner or later will have to take ownership of their role in all of this insanity. Plus I'm not giving a pass to all the trans nazi's I have known over the years who love to put together some sort of ranking system on frequent flyer miles to Thailand or hours spent under the SRS knife.

So now you know why sadly, I believe my blog will gently weep for a while longer.

Anti Trans Womyn

Over the years, a tremendous line in the girls sandbox has always been drawn by the radical feminist "womym's" movement. The annual Michigan Womyn's Music Festival in many ways has been a bigoted, short sighted rallying point against the transgender woman community.
In 1991 a transgender woman was ejected from the festival.  Trans people began to organize multiple protests against the policy, including establishing Camp Trans outside the festival's gates. Over the years I have read with sadness the hate filled taunts which have gone back and forth from members of both sides.
Finally it seems movement is starting to happen. One of the popular musical acts "The Indigo Girls" released this statement coming out against transgender discrimination at the festival and more:

"To our community in regards to Michigan Womyn’s Music Festival We want you to know some of our thoughts about our participation in Michigan Womyn’s Music Festival. Indigo Girls have a lot of respect for protest and dialogue in our feminist and queer movements, and we want to do our part to encourage growth and evolution in our community. We care about MWMF deeply, and in our years of playing the Festival, we have evolved and benefited from the experience. We have received many gifts from this unique and powerful gathering. Our hope for all the past years has been that the Festival would move towards an intention of Trans-Inclusion. We have continued to search our selves and look at both sides of this issue and truly respect the different points of view, but have always come back to our core belief that Trans Womyn should be included in the Festival, and their womynhood should be honored by the intentions of MWMF. The current intention for the Festival to be for “Womyn born Womyn” only grew out of an important necessity to honor the idea that womyn have a variety of self expression and appearance and they need a safe space where their womynhood is not in question as they stand in many different places on the spectrum from femininity to masculinity. This intention has a very important historic basis and has kept the space safe for many womyn over the years. But we strongly feel that the time is long overdue for a change of intention, to one that states very plainly the inclusion of Trans Womyn. To us, this change of intention is the only path to a truly “safe space” for womyn. We are in a time of struggle and rapid changes in our movement and we would be remiss to not recognize that many of the strides that have been made are a result of Trans Activism and the strength and perspective they have brought to the queer and feminist revolutions. We feel that if someone identifies as a womyn, they are a womyn and should be welcomed into our community with open arms. We will only be stronger for it. We will be playing the Festival this year in the spirit of change. We encourage the Founders and the community of MWMF to find the bravery and compassion that we are all endowed with to create a space that is Trans Inclusive. We know these changes are complex and take time and careful consideration. MWMF has a long and important history of being on the cutting edge of positive change- a torchbearer for the hard transitions within the feminist and queer movements. This is the time to fulfill MWMF’s most vital role in our community and help to honor the Trans Community out in the world, by honoring them within the world of Michigan Womyn’s Music Festival. We hope in the end that we can all find our “safe space” and comfort on the sacred land of MWMF. We understand that there are many folks who feel passionately about these issues, but we encourage people on both sides to act peacefully when they express themselves. There is nothing to be gained from hateful rhetoric or aggressive actions. All over the world queer, and specifically Trans folks are beaten and killed for being who they are. The community of MWMF has a responsibility to fight this hate and be a beacon of love and light for all womyn suffering under hate and oppression, and this includes our Trans Sisters. If you are against Trans Inclusion at MWMF, that is your prerogative, but that does not mean you have to be aggressive towards the Trans community. This kind of hate and aggression will rip our community apart and we all know who benefits from “divide and conquer” and it’s not womyn or queers. Although we are playing the festival, we honor the current protest against MWMF and hope that it will help move the community towards change. Any money that we make playing the Festival will go towards Trans Activism. We will make a statement from stage at the Festival in support of Trans Inclusion. We have made it clear that this will be our last time at the Festival until MWMF shows visible and concrete signs of changing their intention. We have no animosity towards anyone in this case but see the deep and fearless legacy that MWMF has had during its existence and we honor that. We also honor the prayerfulness that has been a part of this struggle on both sides. This is not an easy path, so we empathize with all who struggle to make their decisions. We love Michigan Womyn’s Music Festival and hope for it’s continued presence and power in our lives. Sincerely, Amy and Emily Indigo Girls."

For more go here.

I don't want to state the obvious here but isn't this a total waste of time on the festival's part?  Then again on occasion I have not been a welcome addition to the girls sandbox, especially if they were just peeing in it!