Inspiration

 

Just Smile...Dammit

Do women smile more than men? And if they do, what does it mean to you?

Obviously, if you are trying to insert yourself into a feminine world, you should learn to smile more. Think about it, once you have perfectly thought of every feminine detail concerning your outfit, makeup and hair...don't forget to smile. It's the perfect accessory.

However, as with anything else which has to do with the human gender, this idea gets very complex too. I initially thought of the idea for this post after seeing a handwritten sign in my local coffee shop which said something like women smile eight times more than men. I researched and couldn't find that number but I did find an interesting article to share with all of you. It's from Slate and here is an excerpt:

"Women have to be nice. “Show me a smile” is a staple of street harassment (the ur-creep of the genre being Heath Ledger’s Joker, a lank-haired greaseball leering, “Why so serious?”) And when they are not, when they are merely impassive or thoughtful, they can be held up for mockery and branded as rude.

To ask why is to step into the laser grid of unspoken rules governing the arrangement of male and female faces—the gendered ways we police social performance. (If you’re a woman who thinks this sort of policing doesn’t happen in real life, consider whether a friend has ever yanked you from an introspective haze by asking “Are you mad at me?” She probably meant: Why aren’t you smiling?) We’ve tangled up so many notions of gender in our smiles that the presence or absence of a grin has come to imply a distinction between male and female. In one study, babies dressed in green and yellow were paraded before a group of onlookers. When the infants cooed, gurgled and smiled, the observers tagged them as girls; fretters and criers were assumed to be boys. The effect persisted when a different group of participants was presented with images of cheerful or angry adult faces. People readily identified smiling women as female and wrathful men as male, but they took longer and stumbled more often when confronted with furious female countenances or beaming male ones."

For more, follow the link above to Slate and remember, the next time a woman smiles at you when you are out and about in your cross dressed best, perhaps she is doing what comes naturally. 

You should too.

Having Fun?

Way back in the day when I first began to live a little in the public's eye as a woman, I thought it was all "kicks and giggles." After all, what could ever be so bad about getting dressed up and going shopping or eventually even out to eat.

As I slowly advanced my cross dressing bucket list, I started to consider doing things which weren't so appealing. Since that time, I have done many different activities which revolved around very male domains. Over the years I have been stared at in auto parts stores and even visited a self serve auto junk yard once.

Today I get to go and get the oil changed in the car which I am not really looking forward to.

Sometimes though, I look at it all as a rite of passage into the feminine world as a transgender woman. As much as going through a mammogram.

On the positive side, watching some guy change the oil in the car is a lot less painful than having a big machine squeeze your breasts.

Witches Ball

What a night! Liz went approximately two days without sleep getting decorations ready. The good news was we filled the venue and made a nice amount of money for the two charities we give to.

As far as a costume goes, in a moment of panic, the two outfits I was planning on choosing from didn't work. I finally decided on my long flowing black embroidered skirt and black and white print blouse/top. I also bought a lighter foundation to give me a more "witchy" look. Finally I added the sparkly witches hat Liz bought me with a big spider on the side.

The reactions were varied and took me back to previous Halloweens. Of course I received quite a few looks and one compliment from the best looking cis woman in the crowd. I believe she was biased though because she has known me for a while now. She is obviously a big fan of transgender people. Still, a compliment is a compliment!

Anymore, Halloween is a different type of evening for me.  I have nothing to prove anymore with a feminine costume. In fact, I think the whole evening tends to get me clocked.  I am always aware of the compliment "you look beautiful"...for a man in a dress. Oh well.

Since we decorated the venue, we had to clean it up.  All of a sudden, a late night turned into an early morning. We had to be out by one o'clock and made it by five minutes.

By the time we finished loading and finally were done chatting it was around two in the morning.

The trip home was unremarkable outside of me getting my skirt stuck in the door. You could tell I don't wear a skirt much.

The major problem we encountered was stopping at a certain 24 hour hamburger chain I'm sure you would recognize if I told you. Every time I go there, I come away with the feeling being hungry was a better bet than eating there. So shame on me.

At least the employee at the drive thru window kept referring to us as "ladies" as she apologized for how long the order was taking.   

Different Strokes

Sometimes I wonder why I continue to be a regular at the one transgender - cross dresser (Cincinnati) group I go to. The easy answers are I enjoy it and think I have something to add.

The reason I think I have something to add is very simple...I have just survived longer than anyone else in the group. I get many "aha" moments when the occasional cross dresser will deny any advanced feelings about becoming a woman and then, in the next breath say she can't wait to go somewhere and have men hit on her. I smile knowingly, remembering when I felt the same way. I thought when and if a man hit on me, it was a validation of my feminine self.

It's a small example of what I hear and feel at the meetings. I am also fascinated by the cross section of socio-economic types who attend. In other words, how such a different cross section of people can come together for a couple hours to hopefully help each other.

My big input at the meeting last night was what I wrote about in Cyrsti's Condo yesterday. I mentioned the benefit of getting into group situations outside of the LGBTQ community. It is a chance for you to be accepted as a person for a change...not a transgender person. An example is the one person who came to the meeting last night who is a member of two belly dancing groups. I know at least three readers who do the same thing. Paula over in the UK with her music groups, Mandy in all her travels and of course Connie who works a whole job as a woman. (And I know I missed many of you!)

The fact remains not everyone's goal is to live full time as a woman, however , one should never say never. I am proof of that.

Sometimes I think I am a glutton for punishment. Last night I volunteered to run for the board of the group. However, someone else is too, so maybe they will be chosen instead of me. I am qualified from running years of board meetings with several civic organizations. So we will see.

In the meantime, I will continue to add in my comments and observations when I see fit and hope I don't bore too many people!

Cyrsti's Condo "Cover Girl of the Day"

Kamolrose Thunphirom  a transsexual model from Thailand stops by the "Condo".

Packing for the "Big Easy"

Well boys and girls, packing for "The Big Easy" (New Orleans) hasn't been that easy!
Of course this one week adventure will be the longest time in my life living as a woman. On the road that is!

I have never been good at organization and who needed it as a guy on vacation anyway? Maybe it's the effect of the HRT or just the benefit of how I'm living now but I think I have a fairly decent grasp on this.
Here's how I'm approaching this trip:

First of all, the overall style of the trip is casual which is right up my alley. For most of my girl life I've always been a fan of separates. Jeans or slacks with blouses, T-shirts or sweaters are my wardrobe. I have been able to come up a good four to five days of basics which I can mix and match. Most importantly, all are very packable. 

At this point though I began to think of the other feminine items I would need. In a rare moment of clarity, I thought I would start at the top and move down. My shampoo, hair dryer and flat iron hair straightener are ready to go. All shaving equipment is lined up for tomorrow. I have a separate makeup bag which I'm trying to keep all my goodies organized into now then put into my suitcase just before I leave.

Moving down my body, barring any big accidents I have plenty of clean undies packed. I'm planning on an extensive hair removal session in the shower which should easily take me through the trip. (Thank goodness for estrogen)!

Finally, foot ware by essence needs to be comfortable so a couple pair of flats should do the job.

So, I know all of this sounds very complete and certainly will be great until (of course) I find out what I forgot halfway through the trip.

At any rate, I'm so excited to be going that I'm sure I can be creative enough to find a nearby store on the trip to help with any fashion emergencies!

Catching Up!

The last couple of days, I've been down and out with a bad cold/flu or whatever.
As I finally summoned up the last bit of energy I could find (kidding), it was time to write a post or two to Cyrsti's Condo.
I suppose this has given me a breather to think about how life has rolled on the past month.
It's hard to believe it was just October 3rd was when my journey went into overdrive- again. That was the day I was treated to a style and coloring job at my daughter's hair salon.
Fast forward to a totally different public experience and a four day trip exclusively as a woman. So I guess that's kind of fast.
It could have been faster yet, if I had been able to get to my much anticipated appointment with the Veterans Administration endocrinologist. Instead, it's coming up on November 1st.
As I have written, I think I have basically "hit the wall" with my hormonal progress and would love to move forward.
Maybe I just wanted to make sure I kept all of this into a 30 day period?

Girl Stuff

Jillian Page writes a blog for the Montreal Gazette
and she presents great perspective on the transgender experience.
This is a great post concerning the female socialization process we go through:

"I was chatting with two women last night — one born-female, the other a transitioned woman — about my concerns with the way some women give me the evil eye when I wear certain clothes. I got two very different sets of responses from them. The born-female woman, who is my partner in life now and someone I love very much, says some women are just naturally jealous of each other, and that I just need to learn to live with it. I shouldn’t be so sensitive, and should just shrug it off. In other words, c’est la vie. I should add that my partner would be the first one to let me know if something I am wearing is not appropriate (she hates my long wigs, for example). The transitioned friend first asked me what sort of clothes are drawing the evil eye, then suggested I need to dress in clothing that would “better match my age.” Grrrr . . . them’s fighting words to me . . . First, I don’t wear mini-skirts to work. Occasionally, I wear a dress that falls, say, 2 or 3 inches above the knees. But mostly, I wear dresses or skirts that fall to the midway point of my calves. I don’t show any copious amounts of cleavage because, sadly, I don’t have a heck of a lot of cleavage to be showing. Other women in my office reveal more than I can ever hope to have. So, objectively speaking, at the very most, I might show a bit more leg that others do . . . but then again, I’ve seen other female colleagues show the same amount if not more. As for my choice of clothing, some of it is a little more youthful, but most of what I wear in public is fine for a woman of any age."

Follow her link above for more.

Just Another Dose of Nirvana

I guess it's really true- you don't don't know what you are missing if you have access to it all the time-or you have never had it at all.
Sort of like the apple pie your Grannie used to RARELY make when you were a kid. I' m sure if I had it every night, the pie would grow commonplace or if I never had it? Who cares, right?
Today, I went to an upscale full service hair salon-compliments of a birthday gift from my daughter.
OK, I was scared to death. The thought alone of deciding on a hair color alone was giving me cold chills. Another reason I was scared (I realized) came from thoughts I had after a conversation with a close female friend last night. I came away from the talk with the frightening relevation that almost any woman I had ever known in my life hated her hair after the trip to the salon. How was I to be any different?
Well, you all know I'm pretty shy and withdrawn but dammit! What's wrong with all of you? Sure, I understand a hair butchering job as well as the next girl BUT...
As I was waiting for the dye to set in my hair on a soft couch with a cup of coffee and fashion magazines all over the place-I could see it looming on the horizon.
Then, when I was being shampooed and being given a mini facial-I arrived... Nirvana.
Look, I know it's expensive but I know if I could afford it I would be stepping into the same estrogen filled environment as soon as I could.
Was today worth the wait and the fretting? You know it was.
After I come down off this cloud, I will pass along more of how I was an idiot and missed the Nirvana stop for years.
In the meantime, all you genetic women must have been trying to keep this part of your existence a secret for a reason???  It's wonderful...why all the complaining?

Female Bonding

Every now and then I will run into a genetic female who wants to chat about my transgender status.
At some point in the conversation, she will want to know what I think are the biggest changes I have been through and what I have felt about them. Know she will. It's all good. Just bonding with the girls.
The answers are easy.  We go down the feminine checklists of skin, breasts, moods etc.
Then the fun starts. The next round of questions involves periods, bloating, and hot flashes. AND
it's all well and good to feminize your body BUT what about not experiencing monthly periods, bloating, PMS etc.
What can I say?
My simple answer is "only females bleed".
Never have had a menstrual period...never will. It is a deal breaker with them? Not usually if they are grounded human beings. This point is always a great spot to toss in-  gender is between the ears and sex is between the legs factoid and a female is not necessarily a woman.
Bottom line: Has it made my life easier or harder than theirs since I didn't bleed? Can't tell you.