Indiana Jones and the Legislation of Doom

Connie commented about Indiana:" Indiana, where it's OK to have a Basketball Jones, but not so much if I'm Basketball Joan. Basketball is the major religion for the state, is it not? I'm wondering, though, why it's still legal to run a man to man defense." Almost Connie. Basketball IS the religion in nearby Kentucky!

Then, this comment from Pat really got me going this morning:   It seems that this is a recent case of the left using a flawed premise to bash a Republican. The language of the new legislation is taken from the federal freedom of religion law signed by Bill Clinton. It is also in line with the legislation of about half the states including the legislation voted for by Obama when he was an Illinois legislator. 

As I understand the legislation it is a preclusion against government action against a person with clear and estanblished religious beliefs it is not a blanket right to discriminate as is being presented by those whose politics are not in line with the current governor or legislature in that state.
Pat

Number 1.- How dare you play politics with my life??? I don't give a rats behind less if this came from the left or the right?  I guess the bottom line is Pat, you can feel good about yourself that you are carrying the banner of knowledge when you dress as a woman and go out and then turn around and say denying human rights is OK?
Number 2.- I am certain you have read or heard by now, Indiana's law is NOT the same as the others.  (Read on below.)  
Number 3.- Pat, riddle me this...why does every challenge to me living my life as I please with the access to basic American freedoms come from the so called right?
Number 4.- Walk a mile in any LGBT person's shoes and then you will understand why there is a 41% suicide rate. And, don't be crazy and tell me this is an "apples and oranges" issue. 

A  Washington Post article largely mirrors the argument advanced by Indiana Governor Mike Pence. Appearing on ABC’s This Week, Pence claimed “Then state-Sen. Barack Obama voted for [the Religious Freedom Restoration Act]. The very same language.”

The same argument is parroted on Fox News and elsewhere.

It’s not true.

The Indiana law differs substantially from the federal Religious Freedom Restoration Act, signed by President Clinton in 1993, and all other state RFRAs.
Go here for another look.
(Disclaimer, this is one of those evil leftist sites-kind of like the CBS Morning Show legal analyst Tuesday morning.) She very succinctly outlined the differences and then went on to say why big diverse companies can locate to states who have protections on the books for LGBT persons and not to states like Indiana and others who don't. 

Then again, Rush Limbaugh sent a letter to Liz's Dad yet asking for money and telling him Obama is going to run for president-for life.  He will be coming after me next!

Cyrsti's Condo "OOOPS?"

Unidentified.

Maybe the red-head on the left is thinking his buddy Jeff's idea to go in drag to the party wasn't such a good idea-when Jeff saw him? He just said what????

Going Commando?

Interesting title right? In many circles the phrase defines a person who is wearing no underwear. Sort of like more than a few of the generics you see in the summer and wonder exactly what are they wearing under that sun dress?  Now that I got your attention, this post has nothing to do with any of that.

Instead, after my Google+ friend Alana sent me this picture, I thought it was an incredible time to connect a couple Mtf gender transition thoughts. First of all, I commented to Alana how much I liked her pictures and how natural she looks!  From her own comments (and I paraphrase) the right hair style can do a lot to replace "FFS" (facial feminization surgery.) Yes! The more one does this transition thing, the more you do begin to get certain ideas through your thick skull. I am writing about me of course. I am around or live with three very out spoken generic critics, and for whatever reason, no one bothered to tell me "soft bangs" on my face might be the way to go. "Maybe" I would have asked them what they knew anyhow. Surely that can't be a reason for ideas? Nah!!!

Plus, about a month ago, when I needed a new foundation, I brought my partner Liz for guidance. I was looking for my shade as much as an actual brand (I do the best I can afford.) I knew you should try to match the foundation shade to the skin on the back of your wrist-but-I was literally geeking when Liz pulled out this small piece of clear heavy plastic which actually had all the shades on it. All I had to do was pull it out and matched shades until one literally disappeared. Really? It was that easy? And, guess what, I use less foundation and look better.

Alana is proof you don't have to go overboard (or commando) to be a feminine success. Another example is Mandy Sherman. Go to her blog  and check out the "Miss-Identified Again" post!

But....if you want to go commando under your sun dress this summer-think of it this way-make sure the wind is not blowing hard, forget what your Mom would say and you only live once!

It's A Dog's Life?

I have been a dog person all my life. My latest furry companion has been with me the last 12 years or so. I mean she is with me a lot!  She is a huge rider and is a constant companion in the back seat of my car. During my tough dark years of loss, I would always be amazed the dog would come over and set down next to me in my darkest times.

Having written all of that-she is a dog after all and as I understand it, know quite clearly when things happen, they just don't know why. Recently, I have decided to use the dog example to help answer one of my most asked questions: "When and how did you (me) know when you were trans?"  I have been answering  "I knew quite clearly I was trans but like a dog, I couldn't exactly say why.

If they are a dog person-they know exactly what I am saying. If not, I don't have to worry about any other questions-which is cool too!

Why Does Indiana Hate Me?

This afternoon, Liz and I started our Indiana boycott. She lives about 10 miles or so North of the Ohio River on the Eastern side of Cincinnati.  It was a sunny but chilly day but nice enough to see what the recent moderate flooding had done to the small towns along the river. We took the opportunity to choose going East towards Ripley or West into Indiana.  Guess which one we chose?

Unfortunately, now I have to deal on assumptions. I can assume many of the places in Ohio will be hospitable AND now I have to assume many of the Indiana places won't be. #BoycotIndiana-check the picture from GLAAD. Doesn't Eric Miller look like a throw back Hitler Nazi supporter?
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Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

Ker Plunk!!! Another edition of Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition" is hitting your front porch! "Momma Nature" is still teasing us around here in Ohio with a day of spring followed by two days of winter, so a hot "cup-o-joe" is my beverage of choice this morning. Sure, it's great to see you, but where the hell is the coffee???  Lets get started!

Page 1.-  The Week That Was or Wasn't: I'm not sure it surprised me totally but, on the other hand, it didn't make it any easier when the state of Indiana joined a number of states stepping backward and using religion to discriminate. Under the "Right of Religious Freedom Act" (as I understand it) an owner of a business can decide who to serve or not in their business. So, very simply, this opens the door for we LGBT peeps having to use the backdoor at many businesses-if the door isn't locked. So Liz and I could be kicked out of a religious freak's business in Indiana if he or she thinks I am trans? Really? We don't like your kind in here. If there is a bright side, a rather sizable social media and public protest is coming along. The Twitter hashtag is #BoycottIndiana and the mayor of Cincinnati,(which partially neighbors Indiana) has volunteered to "take" all of Indiana's business. At press time, Indiana is going to propose another law which defines the first sometime this week. (Shelle and others in Indiana-Good luck!!!)

Page 2.- Building the Future? Yesterday was a busy day. Liz went with me back up to Springfield (a hour and a half trip one way) to ship and sell a couple of my sister in laws vintage items. As some of you know, I make a couple of extra "sheckles"selling on line vintage items. Yesterday was some sort of a milestone of sorts. I have been slowly changing my gender markers on the sites but never have had the opportunity to sell and meet someone with the piece not in male drag. (Most of my items are shipped.) As it turned out, similar to the whole day yesterday, the buyer didn't even give me a second look. Which, basically is how the whole day went - except a young boy who had been brought into a woman's room by Mom at a store where we were shopping.  As both of us looked at each other as we waited for his Mom to pee, I wondered what he thought. Remembering the days of "if you can pass young kids and teens, you can pass anyone" I halfway worried about him screaming "Mom there is a man in here!" He didn't and I wondered if he thought if I wondered what he was doing in there. Later I thought if the experience would would make him more diverse in his thinking as he got older.

Page 3.- All that Jazz and "Mo"! All of a sudden we transgender women and trans men are finding a home on "Reality TV." Before the trans community itself begins to slice and dice all the activity, Jazz Jennings (left) and Laverne Cox are leading the charge once again to the chagrin of those in our community who think they have "too much passing privilege". However, a couple of the other shows show a representation of the rest of us who may not be so passable.
The April 3 issue of Entertainment Magazine has examples in an article of page 16 called "Trans Stories Find a Home on Reality TV." Before you come down too hard on Jazz for looking too good-find her recent interview with Meredith Vieria, She said among many other things, she could be arrested for using the woman's room in her home state of Florida and without her parents assistance with transitioning, she most likely wouldn't be alive at all.


Page 4.- The Back Page: As always, thanks soooooo much for stopping by Cyrsti's Condo! No one appreciates you all more than me!!!

Cyrsti's Condo "Cover Girl of the Day"

"Blond on Black" Mtf model, designer and gorgeous Phillipe Blond!

The Trans Girl and The Hair

Here in Cyrst's Condo, I have written a ton about the biggest HRT effects that went the furthest towards passing privilege. Easily hair and skin are my top choices. In my post yesterday I wrote about the learning process of having wearing your own hair. Mandy was nice enough to comment in about her need to go every three weeks or so to the salon for a "color update."

About that time, I began to think of other "hair raising" tales. One of which, I can't exactly remember where it came from but it was a woman explaining how a wedding photographer wouldn't understand stressing over blow drying her hair with a round brush-versus using a flat iron. The reason I know is on my salon visits (before I knew better) my stylist tried to use both to beat my wavy hair into submission. Which I found I didn't like.

So, instead, (and on my current budget), I am learning to wash my hair, use the right color conditioner, figure out how long to leave it on-then- rinse it all off and apply the proper amount of mousse  before my hair dries. Then, don't play with it till it dries. I think I'm to a point that my 'bad hair days' are fewer, plus I am falling in love with wearing soft bangs.

So far it seems the hair is winning over the trans girl. But, she is gainin!

Girl Scout?

This morning as we were taking Liz's 90 year old Dad back to the eye surgeon, the conversation turned to her youth and then to her time as a Girl Scout-then on to other topics like why he didn't wear his National Rifle Association hat. Not exactly a card carrying liberal, but a fair guy none the less.

Recently, we have been wondering what he really thinks about me and/or my relationship with his daughter. Keep in mind, before you think I may be falling back on a sudden amazing amount of passing privilege, he is 90. But, his cataract operations are providing amazing results and now he can see me. On top of all of that Liz is not so sure of his reaction of her being with another woman-transgender or not. Or if he has a clue about me.

This morning we got an answer when he turned around in the car and asked "Cyrsti, were you in the Girl Scouts?" It was a good thing I didn't have a mouth full of coffee!  One thing is for sure, back in the day, there would have been no way I would have been allowed to even come close!

Stop the Whining Dammit!

If this wasn't my blog, I might call myself a drama queen. It is though, so I won't. However these days I find myself mired in bitchin n whining. It could be for the most part around here, we are still being teased by Momma Spring.

For instance, let's start with my hair. When I started HRT, I couldn't wait until my hair became long enough to style and I could put away wigs forever. All was good until I found the dark side of the sun. Otherwise known as the back of my head. All this time, I never gave much thought to the back of my head. Out of sight out of mind. As I progressesd I used to joke my own hair was the first I wore that I couldn't just turn around and style on a wig head. After all, I didn't want to re-enact a scene from The Exorcist horror movie. And, speaking of the movie, sometimes I think when my estrogen kicks in, my attitude may head a little to the bitchy side.

So now, as I made a quick trip to the grocery today, a brief moment of clarity hit me somewhere between baking and produce-this is what I signed up for. I wouldn't trade it for the world and waited sooooo long for it but is it really time to color my hair again?

Short Term?

I'm fond of telling friends who ask about doing something in three or four months, sure, I will be there if I am still alive! They think I am just playing around but the way I have led my life in general over the years, my life was like that anyhow. Example?  A job for me was just a minor stop heading to the next one, I needed to find out what was around the next corner. Of course these days as I try to overthink everything in my life, I have come up with a couple reasons I live my life in the 'short term'.

First, I blame my unwillingness to settle down on my gender dysphoria (because nothing I did felt completely right.) Plus, what I call my "war" years 1965-1975 were terrifically unsettling. I was either in high school worrying about getting drafted, in college running from it or in the military itself. In fact, in the last three years before discharge, I bounced back and forth between three continents.  So, I don't know, but perhaps I can blame all of that uncertainty added to my transgender self for my 'free spirited self' today.

And, speaking of free spirited, I'm trying now to come up with the 'bestest' idea ever for my third Trans Ohio workshop class this year. I am thinking now of the 'blank paper' class. Give a quick bio, pass out a piece of paper and tell everyone to write down why they are there and what do they want to know. Then threaten them-I am more than capable of talking for a hour.

I keep forgetting two things: the first of which is I do intimidate some just because I might be ahead of them in my transition and after this amount of time, I do forget the small things. One thing is for sure, I will have plenty of time between now and the end of May to change my mind. Damn, that's a long time away!

Third Times a Charm

You regulars around Cyrsti's Condo know I have been a workshop presenter at the annual TransOhio Trans and Ally Symposium.  This is my third year and I am calling my workshop: "Invisible no more-Transitioning as a Senior Citizen." The picture to the left was taken with "Brutus Buckeye" (mascot) at The Ohio State Student Union-where the symposium was held last year.

Each year I walk away from the conference thinking what did I learn, what did anyone learn from my success-or errors, how could I have done my workshop more effectively and damn!- that went too quick. So, this year, I am doing a brief bio on myself and opening the floor to questions.

Also, I am trying to open my workshop this year further to spouses and ally's. Since Liz is my co-presenter, she is always more than happy to talk to a fellow generic about the inherent problems of maintaining a relationship within a transgender person.  Even though the conference literally has something going on every hour-there are breaks where she/we can sit down with other couples. We were able to do that last year with a couple or two and saw a couple others who were possibilities. Something else I'm trying this year is to post a sign in my workshop that Liz and I are approachable and have had all of our shots!

If you would like information (and are relatively close to Columbus, Ohio) I can direct you to the right spots for more. And, if you are Connie-you could dream about being in the student union of a university who actually WON the football National Championship!

Leelah Remembered!

Another huge positive Saturday night happened before Liz and I even got out of the car and walked into the restaurant to meet the rest of the party.  We were sitting there when a generic walked by my car and mentioned my bumper sticker. She asked us where could she get one because it was a needless tragedy.

The one above has wintered on my back window pretty well and I was impressed when a civilian stopped to comment and show support on her own.  Sadly, I couldn't tell her-but-I am asking round now. So if any of you want one, let me know.

Out With The Girls

Saturday night was a "girl's night out" with a couple of Liz's former work friends. Outside of missing one of the girls who couldn't come-I got to hear about all the not so "good times" of where they all used to work. Plus, there were two male type "spouses" there. (Mindy I missed you but understand!!!!)

I have written here in Cyrsti's Condo about the different dynamics around the table when a group of women gets together. Saturday, I found it interesting how a more "passive aggressive" approach was used by all of them to describe a former boss-except for Liz who still works for her and was the least likely to sugar coat her job.
The two guys (spouses) were pretty much the same as I run into.  Standoffish at first, until they found out I have had all my shots and don't bite.

Cyrsti's Condo "From the Hart"

Cyrsti's Condo-"It's All Good"

It's all good for this unidentified young cross dresser until his sister gets home! If he doesn't pass out in the meantime!

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

Ker Plunk! Another rather late Sunday edition is hitting your virtual front porch!

Page One.- The Week that Was-or Wasn't:  A couple weeks ago, I began to document a few of the top changes I have gone through during past three years or so on HRT. At the same time, I received feedback from Connie (same age) on why HRT is not the end all for some. (Other than the fact, the hormones could be the end all-if not taken correctly.)  She wrote:

I don't feel a real need to enhance my "womanhood" by artificial means, insofar as the effects that hormones would have on my mind, anyway. Sure, I would love to have a more feminine figure, and I dislike the artificial means (strategic padding) I must go to in presenting one, but I worry that attempting to create a killer figure by way of HRT could be, in reality, a kill-her figure. Some may say, then, that my heart is just not in it, yet it is because my literal heart is at stake that I resist the temptation. I find it amusing, if not outright amazing, though, that so many people assume I have been on HRT for the past couple of years. Even my doctor raised an eyebrow during a physical exam, and she asked me if I might have been self-prescribing. Ha! Maybe it's just mind over matter? No, it is my reality that matters, and I am finally living it!

Too many times I believe there are too many people believing they know the "true path" to transgender happiness when there isn't one.

Page Two.- "Amazon Eve" Takes on the Nati! This week, Cincinnati Pride announced Erika Ervin also known as "Amazon Eve" from the American Horror Story. Erika is an American transgender model, fitness trainer, and actress.  At 6 feet 8 inches (2.03 m) tall, news stories have called her "the world's tallest model". Good for Cincinnati!!!

Page Three.- The Back Page.- You all have a fabulous week and thanks sooooo much for visiting the "Condo!"

Cyrsti's Condo "From the Hart"

Bad advice:"If I was you...Well you aren't, so move on."
From the Hart.

Changing of the Seasons

Yesterday of course was the first day of Spring or the Spring Equinox.  As such, Liz's Wicca group celebrated with a meet up.  As I have said several times here in Cyrsti's Condo, I am still very much the "new kid" in the group. Also, many of the rituals mean something different to me. A prime example was last night.

Rather than celebrating the actual rebirth of the Earth around us after a long dreary winter, (Yay!) I saw the process as a celebration of Spring arriving in my life. I was putting my old life behind me (winter) and most importantly, the future possibilities are endless.

The true shame would be if I didn't make the most of them!

Salted Rum Martini's and More!

This is one of those 'catch all' Cyrsti's Condo posts.

My current diet has sadly 'weaned' me from my love of craft beer, or at the least, slowed my consumption. Rightly or wrongly though, I have picked up tasty adult beverage 'supplements' . My latest find is called a "Salted Rum Martini". It's incredibly good - made with Rumchata, Salted Karamel Stoli Vodka, mixed in a martini glass drizzled with caramel. It's also an incredibly "girly drink" to sit at a bar  and sip. Notice I said "sip"!

Next, congrats go out to Paula (across the pond in Britain) who finished the process of changing her gender markers! Many don't realize a transgender transition process involves much more than mere passing privilege. Way to go Paula!

Finally, for all of you who know my partner Liz is a Wicca. Yesterday, she located an on line book on the subject of transgender pagans. I will be downloading it soon and pass along anything I find interesting.

Plus, I just can't end this post without mentioning the incredibly dangerous bill which passed in Indiana which could block all kinds of LGBT freedoms under the guise of personal 'religious freedom." The biggest problem of course is we trans are more visible than the 'L's n G's". It is easier to "hide gay" which makes us a bigger target. Fortunately movements are underway to shine the spotlight on companies not to support in Indiana. On Twitter look for #BoycottIndiana.

YOU Are the Only Reality

I will direct you to a couple of the "Fabulous Connie Dee" comments in a moment but in the mean time, she brought a great point about her health situation and the effect it has on her chances to even start HRT. She took her points to a conclusion that the only reality which mattered to her-was her. Who cares about the Zoey Tur's and the trans trolls of the world? Right, so true Connie but aren't they an easy target?


Most certainly, most of the world doesn't care. Every couple of Thursday's, Liz and I go to meetup group of peeps who range from artists,to writers to other so called creative peeps.  When I join in a conversation with any of them, I don't (number one) out myself. I do give them a blog biz card plus a "Stiletttos on Thin Ice" book promo card. Even with those self promo items, I am not outing myself as such.  Why? I don't believe either define me as a person.  Plus, if someone cares enough-here I am.

I suppose I have entered a new entered of awareness in my Mtf gender transition. I'm not stealth, I just am.  Which leads me right back to Connie's reality.  We are the same age and we fought for decades to "find"ourselves. If you are spending time looking back at your eyes in the mirror, the unfortunate reality is, if you are transgender-first of all try to get into the world and try it out for size. Remember though, one size does not fit all. Chances are if you find the right size-you were born with it.

At that point, it's time for you to seriously begin to explore your own transgender reality-right Mandy?

Cyrsti's Condo "From the Hart"

Bad decisions have a way of jumping in with other bad decisions and having a party.

From the Hart

No Where to Run-Or to Hide

Sometimes I get lost in being a gender victim. After all, the subject is what Cyrsti's Condo is all about, not what generics go through growing up. Every once in a while, Liz gets fed up with my whining and gives me an insight into her early and teen life. For every example I have of being chosen last for a boys sports team, she has two. Not only did she had to face the taunts of the boys, she had to face the girls too.

All that time and all the way into the Army, I always thought girls had it easier. After all, generics didn't get drafted, didn't have to agonize to find the courage to ask for a date and got to wear those short cheerleader uniforms while I was getting destroyed on the field by a pulling offensive guard. Forget all those shallow reasons, neither gender has greener grass.

So, if by some sort of magic though, if I was given a gender choice and knowing what I know now, I would have been a terrible cheerleader. On the other hand, there would be no doubt I would pick growing up girl. Why? I would not have to wake up every morning wondering how to run or hide from my gender dysphoria.

Transgender Ageing and the Cult of Impatience

I get tired of boring titles to my Cyrsti's Condo posts, as you can tell. Possibly, a better title for this post would have been-"Are we there yet?"

Since we have waited so long to gender transition, at times being patient about the changes of HRT is to say the least difficult. Not to mention bringing years of life to a screeching halt and learning another.

In fact, I am ranking this as my number three "surprise". I started all of this believeing I could basically relax and enjoy the process. The truth quickly became evident the process I was going through was so natural, I knew I was finally home.

Of course it was approximately around that same time when the trans trolls came out of the closet to accuse me of being a trans pretender at the worst to another old guy on hormones (funny) to nothing more than a glorified cross dresser. Fortunately, all of that was my worst reaction. The overwhelming reaction of society was either who cares to wow.

What I don't completely understand is the push back "more mature" trans women receive. At our age, at the least, we face tougher uphill transition battles as far as passing privilege and we have tons more of life baggage. So once we get here, hell yes,it's easy to be impatient. Look at it this way trollers, it was us who were pretending all those years  but in guy drag.

As far as a cult goes, that's a bit dramatic I know, but being a baby boomer, anything can happen with our generation.  Worst case scenario? Waking up and finding out Zoey Tur is speaking for the transgender community.

Male Privilege and "Pretenders"

Helen Boyd clarified her post on Zoey Tur and late in life transitioners:

"To clarify: the term is used usually for trans women who live significant lives assigned male before transitioning to female. There are many trans men who transition later in life after significant lives assigned women.

They are not, by any means, the only kind of self appointed trans spokespeople who screw up. There are sometimes recently transitioned trans men who say sexist shit, or there are young, firebrand activists who don’t seem to know their history and think that anyone who transitioned over the age of 40 is a drag queen, or that trans women who came up through drag shouldn’t be considered women."

As she always does Helen does a great job and you can see the rest of the post here.  Obviously at 65, this topic is near and dear to me! Yes I have my "transness" questioned and yes I have been called a pretender.

Senior Citizen "Happy Hours?"

I shudder on occasion (even on warm days) when I just don't see much information on gender transitioning later in life. Today on Helen Boyd's EnGender blog, this post caught my eye first for "late transitioner" and then drinking!  It's called "Zoey Tur & The Late Transitioners Media Tour of Meaness Drinking Game." Then the post got even better when it featured Zoey Tur and in essence questioned what the hell rock she crawled out from under?  Read on:

"First, I want to remind everyone that this awesome trans community has survived the likes of Zoey Tur and it will, no doubt, do so again. But in the meantime, to keep the rest of us from going mad, we’ve got a new drinking game. (Non drinkers, feel free to substitute with chocolate.)

& Yes, there are rules:

Drink for:
“crossdresser”, “crossdressing”
incorrect pronouns when referring to other trans people
image of putting on make up

Double drink for:
“transvestite”
Thailand
being amazed that people interrupt her/other loss of privilege
satin

Chug for:
Rocky Horror allusion, even unintentional
insulting well-respected trans women of color
denying rights to younger trans people based on genital status

Suggestions are more than welcome to complete this one. Check out Monica Roberts’ take-down for ideas."

I SO AGREE with Helen, but poor Zoey, (left) she is still trying to make herself relevant in the world without being able to hang on the coat tails of Bruce Jenner!

What I want to know is-what exactly is in the cup???

Just Drag

The other day on one of the daytime talk shows I actually heard a drag queen explain in coherent non gender slurring terms why he started doing drag.  Of course he went as far as to say it and made a clear case of being gay and his partner not liking the "procedures" he was going through to look more feminine for his drag act. In no way did he feel like or want to be a woman.

In celebration of him not using the "Tr__ny" word, here is Roxxxy Andrews (not the queen on the show)-looking good!

OMG Honey is that Bruce Jenner Next Door?

Over the years here in Cyrsti's Condo we have discussed our efforts to "hide" or "sneak" around the neighbors as we were testing the waters as cross dressers and later as androgynous transgender women and men.  These days, I am again wondering "what the neighbors think" in two locations.  Liz's house which will become my permanent spot is much more mellow for a number of reasons. The main one is the lack of traffic. My sister-in-law's is much more interesting. At both places of course, if I am working outside these days, I'm wearing a "hoody" and jeans with my hair pulled back. So, I do think (as I have written) HRT has made me very androgynous.  So androgynous in fact, I run into many people from my past who don't come close to recognizing me. Most certainly that's OK.

Let me point out, at this stage, I am not at her house much and during the 6 months or so I have been, a few of the neighbors have sort of sought me out-for what ever reason.  One was when her son landed his drone at Christmas in our back yard, the other was by pure accident. Sister-in-law  lives across the street in an older neighborhood with on street parking and the other woman was nice enough.  On occasion though, I do entertainment myself wondering if the gossip is flying fast and furious between her house and the two next door.  In the one to her left lives a highly religious family whose father worked with me years ago.  To her right-a woman who I question much of her sanity.

I don't really care but it's just another occasion when I would like to be a butterfly on the fence when they talk about is that  "Bruce Jenner" person living across the street.

WTH-Really?

This positively fired me up this morning when I saw it:
Obviously the ignorant person or site which posted it has no idea about what we go through as transgender women and men. I need to "whisper" how ignorant I think they are.  I (of course) have a comment out to them-I will let you know if I hear back.

A Future Option?

Maybe this picture from Pinterest which proclaims to be a modern man and woman obviously cross dressing does predict the future.  Probably not the act itself as much as an increased acceptance in the public's eyes?

I also wonder about the stereotype we have talked about (here in Cyrsti's Condo) that it takes a woman longer to get ready than a man. It's true and often we don't even point out many of the on going things a woman must do to present her best self!

Must Be Doing Something Right

This morning I was moving some boxes from one place to another in my car. I was dressed in jeans, tennis shoes and had my hair pulled back-that's it.  As I had my back turned to the street, a car slowed down and a generic asked "Mam, do you know where Murray Street is?" I just smiled and said "two blocks ahead."

Maybe I am getting ahead also.

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

Kerplunk! A sunny spring edition of our Sunday Edition has hit your virtual front porch. Let's get our "cup o joe" and get started.
Page One.- The Week that was-or Wasn't:  Here in the Condo, I tried to put together a couple of the main surprises I am realizing currently during my Mtf gender transition. Cutting to the chase for this edition , my biggest surprise is I am so alive, at this age and doing this at all. I never have been really shy about not being quiet when I am right and I was so completely right about all of this. Also this week, I received a call from a dear friend who reminded me none of us have anything without our health. She is entering a very serious but treatable health condition.  Bobbie, may you live longer and prosper more than in all your dreams!
Page Two.- The Jazz Goes ON:  It was announced the 14 year old transgender teen Jazz Jennings will be one of the new faces of Clean & Clear's "See The Real Me" ad campaign, which features a social media push that asks people to use the #See the Real Me hashtag to pass along their stories. Jazz had a big week as in addition to the launch of her Clean & Clear campaign, it was also revealed that she will star in an 11 part TLC series.  Follow this link for the entire story from the Huffington Post. 
As wonderful as it has been to watch a young transgender girl grow into a teen in front of our eyes, can't wait for the day to come when talent over trans equals success!
Page Three.- Some of My Best Friends are Trans?  Just when you read and feel so good about the success of a transgender person such as Jazz Jennings, then come all the stories of bigotry and hate. Of course, on occasion I write about them too. As I transition these days, with my ever expanding presence in the world, I do wonder about a person here and there who may be nice to me to my face. (Even to the point of patronizing me.) Then wonder if those are the very generics who would protest my use of the women's restroom that same night?  Don't know and it could be years of paranoia working on me. At this point in time though, it still seems to me that unless you possess the right amount of "passing privilege" or born into the right family as a trans youth, a long road is still ahead. 
Page Four.- St Patty In Boston.- Finally, we go back to Boston for this story (again) from the Huffington Post:    Boston Pride, an LGBT rights group, said this week organizers had accepted its application to participate in this year's march through the Irish bastion of South Boston.

The rights group will join OutVets, representing gay veterans (and trans vets), in bringing an end to two decades of debate over the issue. Organizers had insisted that homosexuality conflicted with Catholic doctrine, but the ban ran counter to the liberal mores that prevail in Massachusetts, the first state in the nation to legalize same-sex marriage.  Another one bites the dust! And, speaking of "dust", it's time to go outside where we have discovered dirt, dust and other less desirableness as all our snow is gone!  You all have a great week!!! 

Just A Bit More Dangerous

Time it was again to color the gray out of my hair. In the past someone else has been entrusted to do what Momma Nature continues to make a bigger and bigger job. Liz has done it recently. This time though, my hair looked terrible, I had to head back up to my building for three or days and Liz had to work-so it was an emergency now or never for my hair. So, what's a girl to do? Beg of course. The problem was Liz was working, so all the begging in the world wouldn't work.  Her answer "basically" was 'get over it princess' unless you want to do the job yourself.  I did my best Huh? Hell yes I could do it myself!!!! Yay!! What a concept.

Before you think Liz is this ultra brave person though, remember this-she works at home so with a few warning shots from her like "how about reading the directions", off I went.  Actually, the bigger warning was a cheap shot I am still hearing from the first time I went really Ginger (red).  All was well when she put the color on and after 25 minutes, I was dutifully sent into the shower to rinse and condition.  What I didn't realize was my usual frolic in her shower made the walls look like a scene from the movie "Psyco".  As it turned out my faux "bloodletting" for the occasion, was not seen as a potential movie prop-but-a basis for a continual cheap shot. And, you guessed it, those were my famous last words today before my "rinse."

It was all good though. I punched my ticket on another of the mysterious girl tasks it takes to maintain a feminine external lifestyle.Plus, what Liz has not fully realized is, I am again a bit more dangerous. Not only can I pick out my color, I can put it on all by my self.  No more discussions about my choices!  Now I can already hear the first "what the hell did you do?"

Hey, that's an easy answer, "well it's your fault, you made me read the directions!"

It's Brutal

It seems the war against the gender bigots will never end, even when it seems to be increasingly senseless. Currently, states like Kentucky, Florida and Texas are the latest to attempt to pass discrimatory restroom laws against transgender citizens.

The only one of those states I can speak to personally is neighboring Kentucky as well as my hometown of Springfield,Ohio.  I don't hang around my hometown much anymore, but can tell you for a fact, anti LGBT local discrimination laws have been defeated by white and black church coalitions-in concert with conservative GOP leadership which goes all the way to the state legislature in Columbus.

Now, Kentucky.  To a person who only knows the state from coal mining stories and a few reality shows, there is much more than meets the eye. Far away from the "hollers", snake worshipers and moonshiners are the cities across the river from Cincinnati, Louisville, Lexington and other places which realize LGBT diversity is a key to development (and legality)

Which brings me to Alabama and it's Gulf Coast tourist campaign. Every time I see one of the commercials, in the background I hear the relatively chilling declarations of Alabama judges  against same sex marriage. I was transported back to the early days of the civil rights struggle in Alabama and I wondered if it was only me who thought I could spend my money elsewhere? Easy answer, elsewhere.

I also think some of us are too quick to dismiss pockets of bigotry by saying it's Alabama or Utah or wherever by saying the "good old boys" eat their young there.  And I feel sorry for the hard working people in the Alabama tourism business who have never considered what the rest of the bigots cost them.

Then again, maybe they do. After all, my hometown continues to be mired in it's misconception that it's a "good" place to raise a family. Then watch when their kids get the hell out of "Dodge"as quickly as they can, to greener much more diverse pastures such as Columbus. Then again, how would all those small town, small minded preachers and politicians keep their money coming?

Are You Listening??

I just know you have heard generics plead with the world to just listen to them.  I decided to list listening to me as the second biggest surprise of my Mtf transition.  Having said that, I knew women as a whole speak a different gender language and are more apt to be socialized to not be vocally aggressive -but really?  I also remember some of my earliest recollections interacting in the world when I was literally talked around and "over" by men. At the time, I assumed the more comfortable I would become, I could at least hold my own. 

 

These days though, I feel as if I am losing ground in the world, but I don't know if it is all bad.  One problem I know I have is with projecting a feminine voice. When I keep it low and soft, I have less vocal problems-I think. Plus,if you toss men out of the conversation, generics do have a tendency in my world to over talk each other. For the longest time, I did try to jump in, but now I just wait for the conversation to come to me.

I suppose it sounds like a clique, but my HRT years have taken the edge off my macho feelings and laying back I suppose makes me more "mysterious" - rather than a cynical pain in the rear.

Looking back though at the fateful day I started to transition, my expectations of how I would be able to communicate with the world, never felt like this! 

Survival in the Passing Lane?

Sometime ago I remember Stana on Femulate just rocking some hater/troll's world who told her she couldn't/wouldn't pass.I paraphrase but she (Stana) said "I always pass correctly. I make sure the lane is clear and use my turn signals properly." I loved her comment!

My perception of passing for years now goes back to what an long time cross dressing acquaintance said (again) a long time ago: I passed out of will power. Meaning, I was not a natural.  Although HRT has helped, I know I will never be a "natural" but that's OK too.

In many ways. I compare myself to one of the less than beautiful girls in school who overcame the shallow "appearance" factor to be a quality person.  She never lacked for friends.

Ironically, I was writing this post when I jumped over to Femulate and read Stana's latest post.  She wrote about "passing" meant women and men.  She is completely correct.  Women will check you from head to toe. Generics know the effort it takes to "present" at the highest level. They have to do it too.

So, these days, passing to me is having some sort of an idea of what is appropriate dress for the occasion to blend.  After I blend then I can pass and I am not writing at all about how I look. What tends to happen with me is, I have a tendency to keep interacting with a person or two I have met after the events/meetings Liz and I go to. Mind you, for whatever reason, these people are always generics. Men stay away for the most part, which is a topic for another blog post.

Finally, as much as I would like too, I must factor age into all of this. After all, I am 65 and I am far past being the sexiest person in the room. On the other hand, 65 brings a wealth of knowledge which I am just beginning to tap as a trans woman.  It is a narrow path to walk but so far I'm "passing" the test.

What if I Knew Then?

It's very difficult for me to believe how long ago it was when I set out on my MtF gender transition journey. I ask myself on occasion, if I knew then what I know now, would I do it?

Well, first off, I didn't really have a choice. I could have continued with my life-lying to myself and others about who I really am. Unlike so many others though (and myself for years), I had a door out of my own personal gender hell.

Give or take a few months, I think it has been five years since my decision. Not just pursuing HRT, but deciding to toss my male self in the dumpster.  In those days, I think I was out and about crossdressed three days a week back then. Out of all the blind curves I can expected to run into, my biggest transition surprise so far is seeing a feminine version of myself everyday.  My problems come from looking back at how far I have come, how far I have to go and what is the ceiling? What will I think of this post five years from now?

I have to tell you that although I can (and do) all the fun girly stuff like color my hair and do my nails. What I dreamed of years ago has become part of my daily existence these days.

Before you run off with misconceptions of about what I just wrote, in no way would I trade my spot in life today. Also, I can substitute "fun" for "enjoy." My example comes from last weekend when Liz and I were going to the Essex Studio's Art Walk here in Cincinnati. Earlier in the day, I had a chance to wash my hair which always brings out my natural waves and curls with a little mousse. I also had a chance to take off my old nail polish and put on a fresh coat of a new color which actually was a close match with my jewelry choice that evening. Finally, I picked an outfit which I thought was comfortable, a bit upscale and ideal for the occasion.

Certainly, five years ago, the day was just a fantasy I had of what a portion of my life would/could be like. The difference now is the planning and upkeep I need to do to stay up with it. Plus, coming into the Spring/Summer months, I will have to be more aware of my hair removal.  So, even though generics around me for years have gleefully told me "Welcome to our world."-that's all and good until you have to walk a mile in your shoes. That reminds me, I need a new pair of women's tennis shoes for the spring!  They certainly weren't on my shopping list five years ago.

Cyrsti's Condo "OOOOPPS!"

Un-identified cross dresser 

Ok dear, I told you there wasn't "another woman"-but you didn't want to believe me and wanted to meet her. Now you have since you came home early!

It Only Takes One

Perhaps you have heard the story of a generic in Midland, Michigan raising un-holy hell about an individual she assumed to be a man in the woman's locker room:
Yvette Cormier encountered someone she described as a “man” in that Planet Fitness locker room. “I wanted to know why there was a man in the women’s locker room,” she told CNN. “He [sic] looked like a man, and that’s what stopped me in my tracks.” Cormier complained to the front desk and then the corporate office, but Planet Fitness stood by its policy of gender identity inclusion. Unsatisfied with that result, Cormier returned to the gym every day the following week, constantly approaching other women to warn them about who she saw in the locker room.

The "person" in question was actually Carlotta Sklodowska a local transgender woman.  Planet Fitness did the right thing and kicked Cormier out but the story But (according to this Think Progress link) Cormier’s story indicates just how backwards the situation is for transgender people.Studies have shown that when transgender people use the restroom, they are the ones who experience discrimination and harassment, not cisgender women and children. Cormier spent several days telling everyone at the gym to fear the clothed “man” she saw one time in the locker room; Sklodowska hung up her coat and purse. (No naked shower mind you!)

On a personal level, I have written about my paranoia of using the proper restroom which has lingered with me from problems encountered years ago.  In fact,  I still have a friend from my past cross dressing days who doesn't believe "I have gone this far." (with the restroom thing.) On the positive side though, I am finding too, more and more gender neutral bathrooms.  The Dayton Veteran's Administration Hospital was a good example yesterday as was the "Essex Studio's" art complex in Cincinnati Saturday night. But, I have another example from yesterday.

Before my blood was taken, I was in the waiting room for approximately a half hour before my number was called.  During the last five minutes or so, a 40 something woman with her daughter sat down right across from me.  I didn't notice her until I suddenly looked up from my cell phone and saw that tell tale "smirk" on her face which truly I haven't seen for awhile.  As it turns out, I figured the woman was going to be admitted for neck "whip lash" from jerking her head to follow me back to the admittance area and even when I came out.  My "red neck dar" was on and I figure she would be the one who would call security about a "man" in the woman's room.  She didn't have the chance since both restrooms were unisex. So all she has to worry about now is her neck injuries!

And, good for you Planet Fitness!!!! 

Don't Try This at Home?

Following yesterday's Cyrsti's Condo post concerning my endocrinologist increasing my estrogen patch strength, Jeni S. commented that after a certain point-it is wasted in your body. That it is, and most certainly if you try to overdose on it, you will not be sprouting the DD breasts of your dreams by next month.

What Jeni neglected to point out (along with me), estrogen can be extremely dangerous too.  I have met more than a couple of middle aged trans women who have damaged their body's from un- monitored HRT. In fact yesterday, the generic taking my blood, took the opportunity to "warn" me too.  I simply said, that exactly is why I am seeing the endocrinologist down the hall.

Let's be careful and patient out there girls-don't become a patient.

Flying Under the Radar?

Photo by Ryan Pfluger 

Connie passed this Amanda Simpson story along:  "The past few months have seen some big moments for transgender rights — from the State of the Union to the Emmys. But, outside the spotlight, there's a quieter progress being made. Hard-working, successful trans leaders are rising in the ranks of government and business — with less fanfare than their celebrity counterparts, but perhaps with even greater impact.
One such person is Amanda Simpson. In 2010, she made history as the first openly trans woman to be appointed by the Obama (or any) administration. Today, she’s the executive director of the U.S. Army Office of Energy Initiatives, where she works to build large-scale renewable energy projects to power Army installations.

It's an interesting place for a transgender woman to work: Simpson is a civilian appointee, but she works for the Army, which, like the entire Department of Defense, bans trans people from serving in uniform. Recently, there have been some inklings that this may change: Ashton Carter, the new Defense Secretary, said last week that he supports allowing transgender people to serve in the military, and the President’s Press Secretary said Obama had an “open mind” about it."

Thanks Connie!!!!

What's Up Doc?

Today was my four week hormone blood test with my new endocrinologist.  I was dazzled I went into the mass blood letting lab the Dayton, Ohio VA hospital operates for everyone at approximately 11 this morning. By three o clock, he was calling telling me my estrogen level was actually about as high as it could go safely and did I want to add another patch?

I said absolutely Doc! After all, I was slowly losing air on my diet and needed another patch to stop the leakage! I was happy to find out for a doctor, he had a little sense of humor.

She's Baaaack!

I am back again on my PC and all is well again in my web world.  Recapping a couple of  items from the Sunday Edition this week, the military was in the transgender news with Chelsea Manning and beyond. Chelsea won the approval to be called "she/woman" and  the U.S. Army has taken a step that makes it more difficult to discharge transgender troops, but other branches of the armed forces have yet to follow.

The Army announced Friday that it was elevating authority to discharge transgender service members from local to the assistant secretary of the Army for manpower and reserve affairs, the highest level to which that authority has ever been assigned.  “In essence, the announcement places a moratorium on dismissals by requiring officers to explain their decision to discharge a transgender soldier to a high-ranking civilian leader, a move many would view as potentially damaging to their careers,” reports USA Today.

We also spotlighted a story on transgender model Andreja Pejic. (above left)  She told Gay Star News about the ten years it has taken her to get to this point in her life. In the article Andreja spoke of knowing the possibility of a MtF gender transition was possible as early as 13, but was hesitant for career reasons and now says there are other trans models in the closet for the same reason.She also mentioned the Leelah Alcorn tragedy. Follow the link above for more.

Finally, a couple of you commented on the addition of a direct link to "Frock Magazine" on the top right hand side of the blog:

1. Sally BendMarch 6, 2015 at 1:39 PM

   Very cool idea putting Frock directly on the front page, hon. What I did was create a page for it within my blog, and then just update the cover image/link on my front page for each issue
2. Pat ScalesMarch 6, 2015 at 2:52 PM

   It was an excellent article in Frock. I am proud of you for your contributions to the T community. We are a diverse bunch in terms of age, interest, proclivities and needs and you surely fill a spot in the T world.
   Pat
3. Thanks to both of you ladies!  In fact Sally, Katie Glover, the editor of Frock mentioned the same idea to me!  And, Pat, Katie and I had actually been "chatting" back and forth for over a year before we could come up with an idea which would possibly work.  Thanks so much for the compliments!!!

Sorry!

For those of you who thought you saw the Sunday Edition and it went away. You did. I pulled it down when I found something on my lap top I didn't put there-so I pulled it down. Until I can work on it or find someone better...and hope I didn't spread it to any of you!

A Small Victory

My thanks to one of our intrepid Cyrsti's Condo "reporters" Bobbie for alerting me to the small story about the military/prison Chelsea Manning is in:
Manning challenged the military's ongoing refusal to refer to her as a woman, and won. A court order from the U.S. Army Court of Criminal Appeals instructs the military to refer to the soldier in all future official correspondence either using the gender neutral "Private First Class Manning" or employing the feminine pronoun.
As a result, the military is henceforth forbidden from referring to Manning as a man and if you recall, Chelsea has been allowed to begin HRT.

Cha-Changes In the Condo

This morning I got brave and did a little more in depth "shuffling" of rooms here in Cyrsti's Condo.

The biggest change is you all can access "Frock Magazine" anytime you want by going to the upper right hand of the blog.  When you move the small tool bar to the right at the bottom, you will get access to a full screen view of Frock.

Then, you can go to page 48 (of course) and see my article! YAY!

I also have tried to remove some links I believed to be underused...especially with a few of the blogs I was linked to.  Similar to so many other things and people in the transgender/cross dresser community-things come and go!!!

I guess you could say, I'm trying to put the blog on a Spring cleaning diet.

A Life In Backfill

I know, "backfill" is a rather stark word.  For me it brings up memories of playing with other boys when I was a kid. I never really wanted to play in the sand with construction toy trucks-or even getting my hands dirty. 

Backfill today to me means merging my feminine life with all the years living in guy drag.  Any of you who have gender transitioned will probably vouch for the fact, the longer you live as the gender NOT of your choice, the more back fill you need. My example is fielding innocent questions about my past.  The greatest majority of them are very innocent in nature. After all, if they want to pry into the fact I am transgender, I am not shy now in asking why do they ask? Times have changed.

When I first began to experiment in the world as a girl, for any number of reasons, I made up a whole new past for myself.  As entertaining as that was for awhile, the more I saw the same people, I had to backfill in touches of the real me. After all, I had a life I was proud of in many ways.

So, as I began to merge my past with my future, I had tons of backfill to chose from.  Actually, it was easier than I thought.  The closer I looked, either the old feminine stereotypes were fading - or were gone. All of the sudden, I didn't have to drink some fruity "fu-fu" drink to prove my girlhood when down the bar there were groups of women drinking draft beer and watching sports.

At this point in my Mtf transition, I am using less and less "back fill."  I don't out myself but then again I don't shy away from questions because in turn I can make conversation.  I was a curious social (if somewhat cynical)  person as a guy and I have backfilled myself to that point as a woman.

Looking back, not having the desire to play road construction with the boys, doesn't look like a bad choice after all!

Cyrsti's Condo "From the Hart"

Recently my Sister in Law walked by with a pizza she ordered about an hour or so after she got done whining about how she was gaining weight while I was losing it. I said:

A Look is Worth a Thousand Words?

 I happened across this picture of an unidentified cross dresser and wondered what the eyes were saying.

You Go Girl!!

Recently I wrote a post here in Cyrsti's Condo about how just a simple "thanks girls" (directed at Liz and I) was a nice stroke of sunshine on yet another snowy afternoon.  And I received two comments to pass along:

1. Mandy ShermanMarch 3, 2015 at 4:24 PM

   When it happens to me, I have the same thoughts....
   
   Mandy
2. 
   Teresa Perri FellMarch 4, 2015 at 10:47 AM

   Friends, therapists and loved ones can always understand (to varying degrees) when you write, "I thought, no, Thank you!", but those of us in any state of transition can *sympathize* with your comment. Every "Yes, ma'am?" and one clerk asking another "Can you help her with..." is pure gold. You go, girl!
3. What's that old phrase? You had to have been there to appreciate it? Well, I believe a ton of you have been there! Any transgender person most certainly has worked hard enough and has gone through enough pain to deserve a little verbal "Smootch!"

A Visionary?

As I have written here in Cyrsti's Condo before, my first initial explorations into Mom's makeup and clothes seem like a lifetime ago.  That is because it is true. Plus, every time I think one stage of my transition will not lead to another-it does.

It's happening again. All of the sudden, a very clear picture of whom I am to become in  the next stage of my transition is coming into focus .Huh?? Can't tell you exactly why, but everyonce in awhile my noggin kicks in with concrete "oh that makes sense" ideas. As it did when I decided to start HRT. 

Here's a look...kind of.  First of all, I wear glasses but only have a male pair.  I need a new pair so I "see/need" girl glasses in my future-so I can see...better...duh! Never had to worry about it when I was "part time." So,  barring plague, or pestilence, glasses are the number one priority. Secondly, in an order only my mind may comprehend, I'm thinking about a new off the shoulder hair style to complement the glasses. Plus, I have lost close to 25 pounds on my diet.

Finally, there is the TATOO.  Finally, I boxed myself in about subjecting my body to un-needed pain and suffering.  I slipped up in a moment of insanity and told Liz -years ago I would get a tattoo when Ohio State won another National Championship in football.  (Thinking they wouldn't) Well of course, this year they did and guess what?

For once, I do have a plan and it involves a pink and blue butterfly design (like the one on the left) over my right breast.


One way or another, I can't do my usual procrastination with any of this because yet again I'm meeting a whole set of new peeps.  I don't necessarily want to do any extra transitioning in front of them!

Bring the Popcorn!

We are still receiving great comments about Eddie Redmayne landing a transgender woman's role in an upcoming movie "The Danish Girl". Plus, increasingly, indepth posts are beginning to appear around the web.  For one of my faves, go here.

Back to our Condo Comments... The first is from Pat:

"If the movie is faithful to the story and to the book then we can expect a fair, sympathetic, emphathetic and feature film quality production. THe odds are greater for more people to feel safe and comfortable going to see the film if the lead is held by an Academy Award caliber actor than a relatively unknown T person."
Pat

And from Paula:

Paula GoodwinMarch 3, 2015 at 8:33 AM

"I wonder if Eddie was box office when hired? I suspect that producers should try to select the best actor for the job ~ regardless."

Good call Paula! First of all, it turns out Redmayne did have a history with the director in another  production. (The rest of you get your mind out of the gutter!)

 

Any more though, there are increasingly more transgender woman actresses capable of a role such as this so the rhetoric for not casting them is unfounded.
I do however think another of the most important casting factors of-a box office drawing card is showing a popular male actor transformed into a "woman."

Another "idea" I have read is-it would be too difficult to "un-transition" a gorgeous trans actress such as Jamie Clayton (left) to play the role.