What if I Knew Then?

It's very difficult for me to believe how long ago it was when I set out on my MtF gender transition journey. I ask myself on occasion, if I knew then what I know now, would I do it?

Well, first off, I didn't really have a choice. I could have continued with my life-lying to myself and others about who I really am. Unlike so many others though (and myself for years), I had a door out of my own personal gender hell.

Give or take a few months, I think it has been five years since my decision. Not just pursuing HRT, but deciding to toss my male self in the dumpster.  In those days, I think I was out and about crossdressed three days a week back then. Out of all the blind curves I can expected to run into, my biggest transition surprise so far is seeing a feminine version of myself everyday.  My problems come from looking back at how far I have come, how far I have to go and what is the ceiling? What will I think of this post five years from now?

I have to tell you that although I can (and do) all the fun girly stuff like color my hair and do my nails. What I dreamed of years ago has become part of my daily existence these days.

Before you run off with misconceptions of about what I just wrote, in no way would I trade my spot in life today. Also, I can substitute "fun" for "enjoy." My example comes from last weekend when Liz and I were going to the Essex Studio's Art Walk here in Cincinnati. Earlier in the day, I had a chance to wash my hair which always brings out my natural waves and curls with a little mousse. I also had a chance to take off my old nail polish and put on a fresh coat of a new color which actually was a close match with my jewelry choice that evening. Finally, I picked an outfit which I thought was comfortable, a bit upscale and ideal for the occasion.

Certainly, five years ago, the day was just a fantasy I had of what a portion of my life would/could be like. The difference now is the planning and upkeep I need to do to stay up with it. Plus, coming into the Spring/Summer months, I will have to be more aware of my hair removal.  So, even though generics around me for years have gleefully told me "Welcome to our world."-that's all and good until you have to walk a mile in your shoes. That reminds me, I need a new pair of women's tennis shoes for the spring!  They certainly weren't on my shopping list five years ago.

It Only Takes One

Perhaps you have heard the story of a generic in Midland, Michigan raising un-holy hell about an individual she assumed to be a man in the woman's locker room:
Yvette Cormier encountered someone she described as a “man” in that Planet Fitness locker room. “I wanted to know why there was a man in the women’s locker room,” she told CNN. “He [sic] looked like a man, and that’s what stopped me in my tracks.” Cormier complained to the front desk and then the corporate office, but Planet Fitness stood by its policy of gender identity inclusion. Unsatisfied with that result, Cormier returned to the gym every day the following week, constantly approaching other women to warn them about who she saw in the locker room.

The "person" in question was actually Carlotta Sklodowska a local transgender woman.  Planet Fitness did the right thing and kicked Cormier out but the story But (according to this Think Progress link) Cormier’s story indicates just how backwards the situation is for transgender people.Studies have shown that when transgender people use the restroom, they are the ones who experience discrimination and harassment, not cisgender women and children. Cormier spent several days telling everyone at the gym to fear the clothed “man” she saw one time in the locker room; Sklodowska hung up her coat and purse. (No naked shower mind you!)

On a personal level, I have written about my paranoia of using the proper restroom which has lingered with me from problems encountered years ago.  In fact,  I still have a friend from my past cross dressing days who doesn't believe "I have gone this far." (with the restroom thing.) On the positive side though, I am finding too, more and more gender neutral bathrooms.  The Dayton Veteran's Administration Hospital was a good example yesterday as was the "Essex Studio's" art complex in Cincinnati Saturday night. But, I have another example from yesterday.

Before my blood was taken, I was in the waiting room for approximately a half hour before my number was called.  During the last five minutes or so, a 40 something woman with her daughter sat down right across from me.  I didn't notice her until I suddenly looked up from my cell phone and saw that tell tale "smirk" on her face which truly I haven't seen for awhile.  As it turns out, I figured the woman was going to be admitted for neck "whip lash" from jerking her head to follow me back to the admittance area and even when I came out.  My "red neck dar" was on and I figure she would be the one who would call security about a "man" in the woman's room.  She didn't have the chance since both restrooms were unisex. So all she has to worry about now is her neck injuries!

And, good for you Planet Fitness!!!!