Thursday, March 26, 2015

Short Term?

I'm fond of telling friends who ask about doing something in three or four months, sure, I will be there if I am still alive! They think I am just playing around but the way I have led my life in general over the years, my life was like that anyhow. Example?  A job for me was just a minor stop heading to the next one, I needed to find out what was around the next corner. Of course these days as I try to overthink everything in my life, I have come up with a couple reasons I live my life in the 'short term'.

First, I blame my unwillingness to settle down on my gender dysphoria (because nothing I did felt completely right.) Plus, what I call my "war" years 1965-1975 were terrifically unsettling. I was either in high school worrying about getting drafted, in college running from it or in the military itself. In fact, in the last three years before discharge, I bounced back and forth between three continents.  So, I don't know, but perhaps I can blame all of that uncertainty added to my transgender self for my 'free spirited self' today.

And, speaking of free spirited, I'm trying now to come up with the 'bestest' idea ever for my third Trans Ohio workshop class this year. I am thinking now of the 'blank paper' class. Give a quick bio, pass out a piece of paper and tell everyone to write down why they are there and what do they want to know. Then threaten them-I am more than capable of talking for a hour.

I keep forgetting two things: the first of which is I do intimidate some just because I might be ahead of them in my transition and after this amount of time, I do forget the small things. One thing is for sure, I will have plenty of time between now and the end of May to change my mind. Damn, that's a long time away!

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