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| Image from the Jessie Hart Collection.. Back drop, the Ohio River |
Along the way, as the years went by I began to really push many of the transgender boundaries I faced.
A primary example was when I thought I had conquered one of my goals, such as my feminine presentation, I set a new goal. Often I went to different places and/or venues to see if I presented well enough to be accepted as a transgender woman. After malls and clothing stores became too easy for me, I expanded to stopping at restaurants to eat. Which in turn forced me into more one on one communications with complete strangers. I pushed the boundaries past just routine chit-chat eventually into full fledged conversations. I learned the hard way not to worry so much about how my voice was sounding and begin to consider more and more what I was saying.
For a while it seemed, the challenges I was facing in those years were becoming overwhelming as I pushed my gender boundaries even further. Another major jump occurred when I decided to stop going to the so-called safe spaces which were the gay venues I was going to. I finally decided if I was going to feel like an outcast, I might as well do it in a venue I felt more comfortable in. I began to go to upscale sports bars and restaurants with many televisions and cold draft beer which I enjoyed. Since I stood out from the crowd for being transgender, I minded my own business and tipped well ,so in most places I became a regular fairly easily. On occasion, I still pushed too hard and ended up getting kicked out of a couple places I shouldn't have been in to start with. Lessons were learned.
Slowly but surely the process finally did become a blur. I made new friends and was beginning to thrive in my dream life of being a transgender woman. The biggest remaining problem I had at the time was I was still married. At that point my second wife and I had been together for nearly twenty five years. From the beginning she knew I was a transvestite or cross dresser and didn't really have any problems with it. However, when any discussion at all came up about the possibility of going further and beginning hormone replacement therapy, she drew the line. Any time I tried to push the boundary farther, the more she resisted. In many ways it was similar to the rock meeting the irresistible force and it was ugly. More precisely though, I had started the catfight of all catfights between my wife and my inner feminine soul who had finally been able to sample life in the world. Once she had seen the daylight, there was no way my feminine self wanted to give it up. From there, destiny took over.
When my second wife passed away, it didn't take long for my inner woman to take over. She pushed hard and became the dominant force in my life. Quickly it became evident she had known the path to take my entire life. She began to push my transgender boundaries until my life became meaningful again. My male self faded away.
