Thank You All!

Image courtesy Howie R
on UnSplash

First of all, I would like to thank all of you who checked in and commented on my post about going to my endocrinologist recently. One of many responses came from Joanne (Jo):

"I'm fortunate in that I can see the results of my hormone checks before because the lab sends them to me as well and so I usually get them several days before my appointments. It will be interesting to see if my T levels stay stable post-GCS now that I am no longer taking Cyproterone to block. They are slightly higher than before surgery, but very slightly and that the very bottom for the range for cis women. On the plus side, my cold tolerance has improved a touch.

Good luck on the check up!"

Thanks for the comment and yes the visit did go very well. So well in fact, she set my next visit for a year from now. I was seeing her every six months. Plus Jo brings up a point we don't discuss much in the Condo, the regimen required when a person is ready to undergo "GCS" which I assume meant gender change surgery. I am far from an expert since I don't plan on undertaking any serious gender realignment surgeries at this late stage of my life. As far as hormonal levels go, I also have been at the very bottom testosterone level for years now. So much so, I have cut back my dosage of Spiro in half. Spiro is another med prescribed to limit testosterone levels. 

Through all the comments, I would be remiss if I did not mention the input from those who could not undertake any hormone replacement therapy due to recent of reoccurring health problems. A few even indicated they had naturally high levels of estrogen in their body so HRT was not really needed. A wonderful predicament to be in if you don't have to ingest any extra medications into your body. 

To finish off the news concerning my "Endo", all went so well, she was able to access my recent blood lab results without a problem from the Veteran's Administration website I am a part of. The problem I used to have was I was actually seeing two VA clinics and or hospitals and my records kept getting mixed up. The problem was finally solved and I was ready to move on.

Since I have entered the senior citizen part of my life, I realize the greatest gift you can receive is the gift of health. The gift of health is followed closely by having a loving spouse and or family member. I am so fortunate to have both. My daughter is completely accepting of my status as a transgender woman as is my recently married wife who I have known for over eleven years now. 

Plus, while I am on the subject of thankfulness, I need to thank all of you who read my writings on one of the two platforms I write on. Either "Google Blogger" or the paid "Medium" site which costs the reader fifty dollars a year for unlimited access to content. I don't thank all of you enough. Your comments and participation of any sort make the process so worth it. Thanks again!

Life or Death

 Once you are born, the fact is someday you will die. Tomorrow I will be attending a virtual training seminar from our local elderly support group . The training pertains to living wills, wills and trusts. I already have a living will provided by the Veterans Administration  but I don't have anything else. At my age I have felt for awhile it is important to leave a will behind for my partner Liz and/or my daughter Andrea. 

Years ago, before I lost it all to an attempt at starting my own restaurant I did have a fairly sizeable nest egg built up for the future. These days I still have two small life insurance policies worth enough to satisfy my final wishes and have a party afterwards. 

Photo by Logan Weaver
On Unsplash

Ironically, yesterday the need to accomplish all of this became important again when I learned of the passing of one the board members of the transgender - crossdresser support group I am a member of. Sadly she never came out to her family and the group members initially were told not to refer to her by her feminine name in any messages which may be seen by her family. 

Of course I am fully out to the only family I have which still matters and I could care less what the others think. Especially after I am gone and cremated. But I do have to stop procrastinating and get a will drawn up since being transgender does throw an extra factor in to the whole process. Extra proof to the non believers you are trans until you die. 

Perhaps of more importance to me is adding my wishes into the living will. I already have the "no heroic measures" line added but I am afraid of potential problems cropping up with my physical gender versus my mental gender. Since I have had no surgery done to my genital's, to the casual medical observer I am still a biological male. In fact I was told that the last time I was admitted into a hospital. The point I am trying to make is, I don't want my gender to be a point of contention for Liz or Andrea to have to deal with. Or no heroic measures are needed to deal with a gender bigot. 

One would think following the completely unexpected passing of my wife years ago, I would have done something before now about it. Since I am seventy two years old my biological clock is certainly ticking. 

Hopefully tomorrow I will learn valuable information on setting up a will. Just another step in preparing for the uninventable.   

Not the Man I used to Be

 Recently we had to endure a portion of the massive winter storm which blanketed the middle and eastern part of the country. We received over six inches of ice, sleet and snow. Following all of that temperatures plummeted courtesy of an Artic blast. Due to lack of planning we weren't part of the hoard hitting all the grocery stores, so we were quickly running out of something to eat. 

"Attitude" Photo
Courtesy JJ Hart

Not so long ago (it seemed) I would have had no problem scraping and cleaning the car. It seems forgetting all the years of aging combined with estrogen and testosterone reduction  has taken it's toll. Seemingly when I finished the task of cleaning the car, I was feeling good about the whole process. Even to the point of telling Liz who was against me doing it. She is fond of telling me my mind has not accepted the fact I am physically not the man I used to be. 

She was completely right in this case. After throwing caution to the wind and cleaning the car, I found and/or felt the pain in my back. In other words, I spent yesterday in pain and am not much better today. 

The whole deal proves once again how truly stubborn I really am. During the majority of my life, my perseverance has served me well. Of course the major example is my cross dressing past, building to me becoming a novice transgender woman. I have written many times of the error more than trial which went into my ever so slow progression into fulfilling my dream of being  able to live full time as a transgender woman. 

Then there was my time in the military. Since I was being drafted into the service, I chose the three year enlistment plan which helped me to be able to work in a job field of my choosing. No body told me how difficult the process would be and I went for it anyhow. I became one of just sixty persons in the entire Army doing my job as a radio broadcaster/DJ. That in turn led me to meeting and later marrying the mother of my only child. A very accepting daughter who I cherish more and more as time goes by. The military even provided me my first chance to "come out" to friends about being a transvestite. Through it all, no one tried to tell me any of what I accomplished was impossible. Not that I would have listened anyhow.

Coming full circle and having a hard time even moving with no pain, I at least wish I had listened to Liz and left the car alone. 

My back is telling me I am not the man I used to be.  Or then again, the man I never wanted to be anyhow. I just need to get past the remaining vestiges of what a much younger man is telling me to be. It's difficult because I dislike feeling worthless.  Whose to say also I have learned my lesson the next time a big snowfall hits. I feel like now I have.

Cancellation

Recently I received this email from the people at Pennsylvania's big Keystone Gender Conference:

"It is with extreme sadness that we must cancel the 2020 Keystone Conference due to increasing concerns over the COVID-19 Corona Virus. This has been a very difficult decision to make, but is the most prudent in light of too many intangibles and the high element of uncertainty surrounding this outbreak. Our first concern is the health and well-being of Keystone’s devoted participants, dedicated staff and volunteers, and you, our most faithful attendees.

As many of you know, we draw attendees from all over the United States and internationally—a fact that we are both humbled from and very proud of. Nevertheless, this amazing and wonderful diversity of people brings with it added anxiety under the darkening shadow of this outbreak. Keystone is about coming together, celebrating our differences and embracing both old and new friends. Unfortunately, with even the most benign sneeze or innocuous cough, worry and fear will only be fueled at a stressful time like this.

This decision was made after consulting several medical professionals and thoroughly reviewing information from and recommendations by the CDC and other respected agencies"

The conference on gender diversity was to be held on March 25th-29th.

Up Close and Personal

All of a sudden, all my future appointments with the Veteran's Administration are coming due. For those of you who possibly don't know, I am a transgender vet and I get my health care through the VA.

Let me see now if I can remember everything they (VA) want to do. Sometime next week I need to have my ankle X-rayed and go through a colonoscopy pre screening on the telephone. They had no sense of humor when I asked if I could go through the whole thing on the phone.

Following all of that, the week of Labor Day, I have approximately four appointments. The first of which is a heart sonar test. Then I have three appointments up in Dayton, Ohio. One of which is in hematology blood work checkup and two mental health appointments.

To add insult to possible injury, I am still waiting to hear from the pulmonary lab who want to schedule another test on my lungs.

Hopefully, after all of this, nothing will be wrong.

But at the least, I am having it checked.