Transgender Day of Remembrance

TDOR, or Transgender Day of Remembrance was observed Monday here in Cincinnati as well as many other places. 

According to the  "Human Rights Campaign" at least thirty three transgender women and men have been tragically murdered since the last TDOR. This total only includes the United States and not the world. I say at least because sadly no one knows for sure how many other deaths could be attributed to gender violence. 

How tragic is it we trans individuals and allies have to observe this somber day every year along with the increasing amount of violence we feel daily. An example to increasing pressure on the transgender community comes from here in Ohio where currently there are five bills pending in the legislature. The bills range from anti restroom bills all the way to restrictions on trans athletes all the way to drag shows. Of  course these bills all are being pushed by a major political party which is not the Democratic one. 

Of course each of these bills do nothing to battle the anti-transgender sentiment in the public's eye which in turn can result in increased violence. It's no secret either, the vast majority of the trans deaths came from the minority community and are younger. 

Much of these statistics are aided by the fact the trans community still suffers from societies' inequities when it comes to jobs, education and health care. And, lets not forget the number of transgender youth who are rejected by their families and end up trying to live on the streets. 

I am fortunate to live in a metropolitan area which has several LGBTQ+ resources but it is never enough. On the other hand, if one life is saved, the effort is worth while. Hopefully you live in an area where similar resources are available. If not, perhaps you have a suicide help line to help if you are having mental health issues because of your gender problems.

One way or another, take the time to remember all of those who tragically died during the previous year and if you are so inclined, offer up a small prayer for those who are still being threatened. 

When the Norm Becomes the Norm

 As transgender women and/or crossdressers, we spend much of our lives wondering how we ended up being a person who has such non normal urges. Or so we feel. I know I lived so many years wondering how I was the only one I knew who had the peculiar habit of wanting to cross dress in clothes of the opposite sex (women). Then, first I learned through magazines such as "Transvestia" which was started by "Virginia Prince" in the 1960's and later through the internet, I was far from being alone.

However, the feelings of normalcy persisted. I finally learned no one was truly "normal" and I learned to embrace my true self. Last night, during another virtual meeting of the transgender/cross dresser support group I am part of, I found out once again how normal I wasn't. Out of the ten or so attendees last night, I was the only one who made it to the point where I live full time as a transgender woman. Many of the others were really bemoaning the fact their weekend trips out as a cross dresser had been seriously curtailed, or stopped all together by the virus. I too, don't like it but the fact remains I know what gender I am when I wake up in the morning. 

To look at the process from a different angle, let's bring in Connie:

"I was reminded of Transgender Week of Awareness last Friday, when a local newscast mentioned it. At first, I thought it was funny to start a week on a Friday, but then I realized it is so that it would culminate on the third Friday of November - which is Transgender Day of Remembrance. I actually joked to my wife that it was a good thing for the news to remind me that I was trans, and needed to be made aware of it. Really, though, I don't think there are any activities in Seattle until tomorrow - TDOR. That will be virtual this year.

By the way, about that joke I made to my wife: She said that she doesn't think of me as trans very often, anymore. I guess that maybe one can be so aware that it just becomes the norm. As I like to say: When the extraordinary becomes ordinary, that is truly an extraordinary thing!"

Indeed Connie, it is an extraordinary thing. I'm sure the two of us are not the norm in finding spouses who accept us so totally. The norm becoming the norm is truly an extraordinary thing.

Re-Takes

If you are "more mature" like I am (67) future nursing home situations can cause more than their fair share of paranoia. Especially if you have experienced the good, the bad and the ugly with your parents. Fortunately there are still protections in place for transgender seniors. You can find a couple are the Transgender Aging Network, forge-forward.org/aging, AARP Pride, National Resource Center on LGBT Aging and Lambda Legal at 212-8098585. There are others I can provide you links to if you need them.

Suicide was also a main topic during the Transgender Day of Remembrance.  Plenty of resources also exist for talking about the excessive suicide rates in the LGBTQ populations-especially during the holiday seasons. Of note are Glsen - www.glsen.org and The Trevor Project at 866-488-7386.

 Remember, talk saves lives!

Cyrsti's Condo Monday Edition

Due to my continued ease of non access to a computer, I have decided to do a  Monday edition today which (obviously) will replace the Sunday Edition from yesterday. It's a bright chilly fall day here in Ohio, perfect for a hot cup o joe or tea! Let's get started.

Page One-The Week that Was or Wasn't: Of course the elections have come and gone and although I don't think anything is as bad or good as it seems, I still carry a fair amount of paranoia. At the least, the far right is mounting an effort already to repeal any rights we have gained as an LGBTQ community. I do wonder how many people protesting Trump in the streets actually voted when 47% of the populace didn't.

Page Two-Yesterday's Coffee: Other the scrambling for computer time, I was able to do a bit of succesful seasonal shopping. I did manage to find a wonderful pair of calf high charcoal grey boots in my size which fit perfectly! I wear an 11Wide, not exactly the most popular size in the world of women's shoes. Of course, such a nice pair of boots would have to have plenty of leggings to go with them, which I already had. What I didn't have though were long sweaters to complete my outfit. I also found one of those yesterday plus one I didn't know I had in an old closet. My goal is to have a couple sharp outfits to chose from for Liz's company party and New Years Eve.

Page Three-TDOR: Don't forget Transgender Day of Remembrance is coming up this Sunday, November 20th. I am helping with the greater Cincinnati event and don't think for a moment we all don't have worries about increased security. To run and hide at this point of my life would be the greatest injustice of all.

Page Four-the Back Page: There you go William! Thanks for asking about the Sunday Edition :).
With a little continued good fortune, I will be back in the internet saddle again on a regular basis soon.
Luv ya all!
Jessie

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Paper"

Hard to believe another week has gone by so fast here in the Condo, as you have probably noticed,  every Sunday I'm trying to set aside a bit of time and catch us up on the week.

To begin with on our weather page, last night's wind chill temperature was a balmy four degrees Fahrenheit. Turns out my "fuzzy boots" were a good purchase!

In sports, both of my "OSU's" won yesterday. The Ohio State University and Oklahoma State University. Oklahoma State because they beat Baylor and pushed the Buckeyes upward in the national rankings.  Next week it's up to Ann Arbor, Michigan and the annual battle with the "Wolverini's"

Nationally, this week marked the 50th anniversary of the death of President John F. Kennedy.  Our tribute here resulted in several really thoughtful comments on his legacy.

Internationally last week marked TDoR, which stands for Transgender Day of Remembrance. In the "Condo" I tied the remembrance in with a reminder about our own security as transgender women and men. And Marcia Hamilton added this comment:

"You are so correct. I have only recently begun going out as myself. It was amazing the transformation I went under with regard to single men, groups of men, and being out after dark. I, like you, am now very safety conscious and do not allow myself to be in precarious situations."

Marcia I believe comments such as yours help to reinforce the ideas of personal security I was attempting to get across.  Too many people I believe take my statements with a grain of salt because I have been out in the world for a respectable space in time.  Those of you who are just getting your transition started in earnest mean more to many! I'm like your Momma jabbering away.

Also I would like to take this occasion to send my sympathies to Draco who visits here. He who lost a transgender friend to suicide this past week. So sad and even more tragic.

In the Entertainment Section, this week, I took the time to drive a bit and catch the 5th grade play my oldest grandson was in. Of course I'm biased and thought he was remarkable but even more remarkable to me is the teacher who put the play together. He makes no secret of the fact he is a very out and public gay man. Even to the point of being a performer in a local drag queen group who have raised over a million dollars for Aids. Times are a changing! Back in the day when I was in school before electric lights, we had teachers we assumed were gay but didn't dare say it.

Finally in the comments section, I would like to thank Linda Marie Daniels for her comment on the "I'm No Angel" post:  "Thanks for sharing this story. I know it must have been difficult to write."  Indeed it was Linda but it was something I felt I need to share for the benefit of all.I appreciate your feedback.

Well, I have to say this post is not going to give the Sunday "New York Times" a run for their money any time soon. At the least though, it's a chance for all of us to share the week and for me to thank all of you for stopping by Cyrsti's Condo!

TDoR and Personal Security

On occasion other issues in the news take away from the transgender community's greatest problem- death by our own hands and by others. Let's take a moment and remember this week commemorated The Transgender Day of Remembrance.

(TDOR) has become a global event held around this week each November to memorialize those who have been killed through anti-transgender violence. Since its emotional inception by Gwendolyn Ann Smith following the still unsolved murder of Rita Hester in November 1998, communities, allies and people of faith gather, often by candlelight, in solemn remembrance to read the names of those lost over the past twelve months.

What saddens and even terrifies me are the number of people in the world who think somehow transgender women and men are subhuman and disposable.

Every so often, I write a Cyrsti's Condo post containing personal security warnings for all of us.

As we transition from MtF, we do lose male privilege especially in the areas of personal security.  I have heard from a couple of Condo readers they never had male privilege to start with.  For as long as they can remember they have been bullied and abused as a man. For many more of us though, that is simply not true. I know in my case, I feel much more comfortable alone in most all public situations as a man than as a woman. More specifically, going to my car alone in a dark parking lot. In fact I don't even consider it as a woman.

Early in my transition, I held the view that somehow victims of violence or rape (Transgender or Genetic) were just in the wrong place at the wrong time-until I found myself in similar situations before I learned how dangerous this game could be.

I was lucky and removed myself from the problems before anything happened.  What I did learn was how quickly dangerous situations can threaten you as a woman.  I quickly became proactive and became extra careful where I parked and suddenly I began to notice single guys around me. Slowly and surely I developed an extra sense of where I was in relation to the world.

I know many trans women who aren't shy about taking security to a higher level by going through concealed carry weapons courses and the like. In my case I would be afraid I would shoot myself first but I understand why others would carry a weapon.

For all of us though,  TDoR needs to be a time of remembrance and a time to band together as a group for our own protection.

Finally, all you new transtioners please never take your security as a women for granted.  Chances are there could be someone watching you who isn't taking it for granted either.