The Sexy Dillemma

In a recent Cyrsti's Condo post I wrote I would use the picture of a young Latina transgender girl who was very attractive and was slain brutally last summer.

No pun intended but the double edge sword for trans violence is the better you present, the more chance you could have to attract the wrong "admirer." I have never been in the totally presentable category but I can only imagine the trepidation I would feel if I thought I was trying to "fool" some guy on a date.

Other factors would be "competing" with cis women of the same age. (Especially if they are young, attractive and in competition for a guy. One of the memorable comments I hear quite a bit from the older cis women I hand out with is- when they see a 20 something in a short skirt or low cut top is "hey if she has it, flaunt it." In itself, that statement presents all kinds of serious problems for a trans girl.

The biggest maybe is that looks represent a validation of our femininity. I'm the first to admit I think breast augmentation would mean tons to me and I'm not on the dating market and old. I can't imagine how badly surgery of all kinds goes past the want into the need category for a younger transgender person. 

Plus,it's safe to say the Hispanic and African American cultures as a rule have more of a macho image than say the average white rednecks. (Who are plenty bad enough, so don't accuse me of being a racist.)

Perhaps the saddest part of all of this violence comes when you read the trolls comments after each story. 

At my age, on this topic I am going to fall back on the old cliche and say I hope the world finally changes before I go to the "other side."

While my Blog Gently Weeps - Again.

This comes as no real surprise to we transgender women or men who have followed the "number" of transgender violence victims over the past year.

Then today, this story jumped out to me from my Yahoo news feed today:


Monday, Aug. 17, 2015 this photo provided by Randall Jenson, lead advocate of the Kansas City Anti-Violence Project, shows an altar made by the friends of Tamara Dominguez during a memorial service for her at her home. Dominguez was run over multiple times and left to die on a Kansas City street.

For a few transgender Americans, this has been a year of glamour and fame. For many others, 2015 has been fraught with danger, violence and mourning. (Randall Jenson/Kansas City Anti-Violence Project via AP)

Here is just part of the story: 

The toll compares with 12 last year and 13 in 2013, and is the highest since advocacy groups began such tallies a decade ago.

"Most Americans think it's been an amazing year for transgender rights," said Mara Keisling, executive director of the National Center for Transgender Equality. "But for the transgender community, it's been one of the most traumatic years on record."

Death by death, the details are horrific. Kiesha Jenkins was beaten and shot dead by a cluster of assailants in Philadelphia. Tamara Dominguez was run over multiple times and left to die on a Kansas City street. Police said the most recent victim, Zella Ziona, was fatally shot in Gaithersburg, Maryland, last month by a boyfriend embarrassed that Ziona showed up in the presence of some of his other friends.

For another look go here. because I could have chosen many different pictures but chose this one for a reason I will discuss in a later post.

If You Live Close!

TDoR and Personal Security

On occasion other issues in the news take away from the transgender community's greatest problem- death by our own hands and by others. Let's take a moment and remember this week commemorated The Transgender Day of Remembrance.

(TDOR) has become a global event held around this week each November to memorialize those who have been killed through anti-transgender violence. Since its emotional inception by Gwendolyn Ann Smith following the still unsolved murder of Rita Hester in November 1998, communities, allies and people of faith gather, often by candlelight, in solemn remembrance to read the names of those lost over the past twelve months.

What saddens and even terrifies me are the number of people in the world who think somehow transgender women and men are subhuman and disposable.

Every so often, I write a Cyrsti's Condo post containing personal security warnings for all of us.

As we transition from MtF, we do lose male privilege especially in the areas of personal security.  I have heard from a couple of Condo readers they never had male privilege to start with.  For as long as they can remember they have been bullied and abused as a man. For many more of us though, that is simply not true. I know in my case, I feel much more comfortable alone in most all public situations as a man than as a woman. More specifically, going to my car alone in a dark parking lot. In fact I don't even consider it as a woman.

Early in my transition, I held the view that somehow victims of violence or rape (Transgender or Genetic) were just in the wrong place at the wrong time-until I found myself in similar situations before I learned how dangerous this game could be.

I was lucky and removed myself from the problems before anything happened.  What I did learn was how quickly dangerous situations can threaten you as a woman.  I quickly became proactive and became extra careful where I parked and suddenly I began to notice single guys around me. Slowly and surely I developed an extra sense of where I was in relation to the world.

I know many trans women who aren't shy about taking security to a higher level by going through concealed carry weapons courses and the like. In my case I would be afraid I would shoot myself first but I understand why others would carry a weapon.

For all of us though,  TDoR needs to be a time of remembrance and a time to band together as a group for our own protection.

Finally, all you new transtioners please never take your security as a women for granted.  Chances are there could be someone watching you who isn't taking it for granted either.