The Best Message Ever!

I returned home tonight from a wonderful short evening. I tried the "Blond on Black" look again and I seem to be making huge strides as a girl.
When the computer fired up I received this message from one of the dating sites I am on from a woman I presume.
"Hello. I have a few Transgender friends. The only issue I have is your lighting on your photos. Can't show off true beauty with out better lighting. I am a minister. I specialize in Gay, Lesbian and Transgender issues. One of which is the over holy bible thumpers need to shut up and stop speaking for God. The bible is a collection of stories written by man for man. Not written by God.
I hate gender typing. You have to do this or that. One of my friends that is Transgender is dating a woman and trying to act like a man. I say Michael you were born a girl in a mans body. You are more woman than I am. She knew who you were before she dated you. You walk like a duck quack like a duck and say you are a duck. Why the hell is she trying to make you a chicken.
SO hello."
First off, I sent her back a message less than nice.
Then I got to thinking...what a wonderful message!
Lighting, religion and a trans friend. I really need to talk to her!!!
I sent her a second message a bit more civil but no less sane.
We will see what happens!

Return to Jerry?

According to "KHOU" in Houston, Texas Nicki Araguz is working on a reality TV show. The transgendered widow of a fallen Wharton, Texas firefighter  is working with a Houston film maker to produce the show.
Currently, Nicki is in court to claim over a half a million dollars of insurance money from her husbands death.
If you remember this is the same Nicki who started her TV career with talk shows such as "Jerry Springer".
As the current story came to light many transgendered organizations and people voiced support for her...including me.
The news about a proposed reality show (if true) proves to me Nicki is the same person who admitted to to performing oral sex on a guy years ago on Springer.
I'm sure I won't be the one to hurt her career on reality TV. I just hope she won't be the one who hurts transgendered causes everywhere.

And The Winner is!!!

 The final four contestants for the
Miss Thailand 
Beauty Pageant show us once again the most beautiful women in Thailand weren't born that way.!
You may have seen this already. I actually posted this Wednesday but problems with "Blogger" deleted it!
Cyrsti

My First Wedding Party!

I found myself on the inside looking in last night when at least fifteen or so "20 somethings" gathered around me ordering drinks after a wedding. I started to feel a little uneasy about my situation and almost decided to leave. I was texting a friend and getting to know him a little better so I thought I would just stay for awhile.
As it turned out, no one seemed to notice or care about me.
I had one girl talk briefly to me. She said I looked beautiful (a true giveaway she knew I was trans) and a couple more who made small talk. One of them was a truly big attractive girl. I always love it when I'm not the biggest woman in the room! We actually met eye to eye in the bathroom as I was coming out of a stall and I had a chance to check out her outfit and style by the bar.
I finished my conversation with my friend on the phone and shortly went on my way.
On the way home I thought how wonderful is it that the younger the population gets, the more it seems to accept us!
The influence of courageous trans teens such as "Katie" is enormous. When someone gets to know us as a human, we aren't so bad!
Certainly this cup is half empty or half full. The young trans girl who was humiliated and beaten up at a McDonald's was certainly ugly and hopefully will fuel public indignation.
My own cup was certainly half full last night as I had barely a glance in crowded situations. I knew and they knew I was female in their eyes. Better yet were the ones who weren't sure and didn't care.

Is "Katie" the Future?

This is "Katie" on the left trying on a bracelet with her mother. As you probably guessed since I'm blogging about her, Katie used to be "Luke".From the "Tulsa World" comes Katie's story..
Katie grew up with three other brothers and a Marine officer Dad.
Here's an excerpt from the story that just blew me away! Just in time for Mother's Day.
Mom..."I was expecting (Luke) to sit me down and say, 'Mom, I'm gay,' "
Jazzlyn recalled.
Instead, at age 15, Luke told her: "I'm not gay, Mom. I'm transgender."
Her reaction: "A trans-what? I had prepared myself for 13, 14 years
that my son was gay. And now I'm thinking, 'Rocky Horror Picture
Show'?"

They cried.

Jazzlyn's heart ached for her child. She knew this would be a
difficult path in life. But she was worried that Luke might kill
himself otherwise.
So she did what moms do when they see that the child they love is
hurting: They fix it.
"What do you want me to do?" she asked her son.
I want to go shopping. I want to buy a bra. I want to get my ears
pierced and grow my hair out. I'm not a boy. I'm a girl in a boy's
body, he told her.
"If that's what you honestly feel like, I'll stand behind you,"
Jazzlyn said. "You've just got to give me time."

If I would have said anything similar to that to my Mom...her recommendation would have been the same as when I did try to "come out" to her.  Get a shrink and get rid of it!
So as Mother's Day approaches, I hope Katie's Mom is the future. If not, then she at the least is a great example of a loving caring Mother on their day!

Famous or Infamous?

I have related the story in the past about the one bartender who said (as I tried to introduce myself) everyone knew me "I was famous:." It could be I'm "infamous?" I really hope not.
The only reality is that my little "network" I have tried so hard to maintain over the years works well... thank goodness.
I took advantage of the unseasonably cool weather recently and wore one of my long soft sweater coats.  It drops to mid thigh and ties off at the waist providing a distinct waistline. I love the outfit with jeans and flats and a tight "T" top which accentuates the chest. Can't remember having more confidence recently as a girl.
All of that was very satisfying, but the fun part was when one of the women who was moved from server to the bar waited on me and said "Are you Cyrsti?" She was perfectly delightful and wonderfully friendly and beautiful.  She really made the evening fun!
I always wonder what the guys at the bar think when they see us in a animated conversation? Does it validate me further? Certainly it makes me safer in the situation I'm in.
One fact is certain. Dividends were paid that night and were reflected on her tip!

Female Bigots?

Indirectly, this topic led to me getting kicked out of yet another "Yahoo" group.  The wife of one of the moderators of the site took offense to my use of the term "female bigot".
She was especially harsh with her criticism of another member's view of "becoming" a female. You all know my feelings on the subject. No one can make the physical transition from male to female completely now.  Big things like a uterus, ovaries and such stand in the way  She thought.a trans woman could never know what it is really to be female. She would have been correct if she had used it in context that no one knows what it is to be another. She is wrong in that you can accept and learn the female role.
I asked if she was a female bigot? Was there some reason in her mind a trans woman couldn't feel and be a complete female (except for the obvious)? The fact is I have met several happy well adjusted trans girls that are more femme than most genetic girls.
Never knowing when to stop, I asked if she was one of the women who believe a trans girls rest room privileges should be revoked too? How could I miss out on the "super secret" age spot discussions?
Let me climb down off my soap box. Carefully of course in my high heeled shoes... There is no way I could do it correctly (according to her) as I move to the back of the gender girl bus.
Fortunately, I believe female gender bigots are rare. Most of the genetic females I have ever known have been very accepting...exceedingly accepting. This woman's problem may have been rooted in the fact that "hubby" was deeply involved in moderating this group and she didn't want him to go too female.
Understandable but it is her cross to bear!

Ride the "Transgender Express"

Quite by accident I stumbled upon yet another transgendered blog on the world wide web. "The Transgender Express" . The blog is written by a young transgendered woman named "Annika". Here is a little of her intro:
I’m still in the beginning stages of a long and rewarding process. I
try to avoid looking at too many transition time lines that I find

online. It makes me feel like a child counting down the days until her
next birthday. I can’t fast-forward time — so blogging about my
experiences is much healthier and more productive.

I hope to provide periodic updates on my transition here on
Autostraddle, as well as reflections on how my girlfriend and I are
losing the heteronormative privilege that we had taken for granted for
most of our relationship. I have no idea about what’s to come in the
months ahead, but I do know that I’m no longer filled with dread when
imagining my future. One thing is certain– I won’t be invited to the
annual frat alumni golf tournament this summer.

I particularly  like the term "heteronormative"! The blog is well balanced with experiences and pictures. Check it out!
Cyrsti

A Different Kind of Style

No short skirts, no tight jeans not even a mention of hair or makeup! None the less, this style is an important to us as the first three.
This style is a guide to how reporters should write about us from the "AP".
"Transgender-Use the pronoun preferred by the individuals who have
acquired the physical characteristics of the opposite sex or present
themselves in a way that does not correspond with their sex at birth.
If that preference is not expressed, use the pronoun consistent with
the way the individuals live publicly."
I'm thinking of writing this down on a card to pass out to people in times of confusion. The card would have come in handy last week when the pronouns were changing faster than the spring weather in Ohio. I went from he to she to Cyrsti in a 15 minute period with two women.
My problem is I view my situation as increasingly "normal" and I overlook or am amused by those that don't.
Utilizing a "card" to inform others is a bit formal but if I print them in a soft feminine color with a flowery style..."here's my card" could work.
The fun part could be going to a print shop to get them done!!!!

Religious Frock?

From the "The Telegraph" in the UK.
An English priest who was photographed in hooker drag at a charity
event has resigned from his congregation following what his sister
refers to as a “witch hunt.”

Upon arriving at the “tarts and vicars” event near his church in
Tyneside, England, wearing shiny gold tights, a black dress, and pink
high heels, the Reverend Martin Wray says he was received warmly. But
after a photo of him in the get-up was published in a local newspaper,
parishioners filed complaints about how Rev. Wray was representing the
church.
I don't know. Could it have been the pink heels?

Reach Out!

Every once in a while I get a blast of new contact requests on "Yahoo" and "Flicker"
Some I respond to, some I don't and many I don't understand.
I have waded through the "avatars" and now I have more exclamation points than all the elementary school alphabets in Ohio.
I can understand the point of staying safe on the internet and creating layers of exclamation points to conceal your identity...really I can.
I guess what I don't understand is the total silence I normally get from the "point". I'm ready for something exciting!
Ok, in reality I'm looking for anything. "Hey girl, you look amazing!" Or even "Did your Mom dress you funny because you haven't learned anything!"
Maybe I'm being stalked? Will I turn around this weekend and see an exclamation mark following me down the street?
No I won't because the "point" is in the closet. Been there, done it and was fortunate enough to get out.  Even in my deepest and darkest days, I was able to peak out and meet someone.
Good luck all you "points"! I'm rooting for you!

How Do You Feel?

When you wake up, Before you get your coffee. You make your way to the bathroom and the mirror.
I'm fond of telling others, it's at this point if something on my body doesn't hurt...then I'm dead.
Recently I ran across another description of my life.  "Gender Fluid" is the descriptor and it really works for me on some mornings. Those are the mornings when I start the day as a man and end as a woman.
The situation is definately not where I want to be right now. On the other hand, my gender status is similar to my joint's  aches and pains.  If I didn't have it...I could be dead!

Transgendered Fun?

Had it coming. Do it all the time. Single woman sitting at a bar. A single transgendered woman at that. I'm not that stupid to realize the dynamic has all changed. Single guy at the bar normal-woman target. No problem for me the last couple of years...until this week.
I sat down a couple nights ago in a regular pub I go to.Just wanted to enjoy a night off following a hard weekend of work. Started my usual "girl talk" I value so much with "G" the bartender. Before my beverage had been on the bar for five minutes, here he comes and sits down beside me at a largely unpopulated bar. I looked at "G" and had to decide to stay and fight or run from the look she gave me. She slyly told me this was not his first visit to the pub today and was not necessarily harmful but a load none the less.
I decided to stay and see if I could have a little fun with the guy. He was pretty sure I was out to "pick up" a man or a woman. (as he put it). Which did I prefer if he wasn't getting too personal. I told him he was and wouldn't he really like to know what I preferred to pick up? Case closed. Case opened on problems with spouse. (surprise). After two and half (free) beers I was able to escape his whining when he went to the bathroom. I was gone!
I need to tell you I probably sound like an alcoholic. Here's my disclaimer. My weekend really starts on Monday and winds up on Tuesday. Most of my stories are from those two days. Not in addition to Friday and Saturday. Now, I feel better!
 I stopped one more place to play trivia and listen to classic rock and I thought I was going to go two for two. This man seemed much more reasonable. Dressed well, my age but with a very prominent wedding band. He was playing the "eye" game with me and drinking rather quickly. I felt there was a definite chance he was coming over but he left me to my game and music. I was rejected! Wonderful.
Normally I go with friends on my Tuesday out. Tonight was different, so I went to "two dolla" pint night by myself. Actually went late and got a seat at the bar. Not easy!
Of course (to make my weekend complete) I ended up talking to the guy next to me for two hours. A very pleasant conversation made even more spicy by the fact he mentioned a certain restaurant he opened that I did too! It was a long time ago and of course I made no mention of ever being there.
He was a smoker and took a lot of trips outside to smoke. The law in my part of the world. My favorite "confidante" bar person kept circling out of curiosity. I told her "OMG" he opened the same restaurant with me years ago. I meant it in the sense he could recognize me. Her reaction was essentially was why the problem. What job did I do (as a woman) when it opened. I just need to shut up about ever being a guy! What a idiot I am!
All right, I should be flattered right? You know I am! I guess the new hair is a better look than I ever imagined.
You know I would have to have a problem right? Here it is. What am I going to do about going out to be alone?
Just slap me now!

The Thai Transgender Winner!

The Thai's do it again with the prettiest transgendered women in the world! Check out this transgendered contestant in a talent contest!
Follow this link to see for yourself!
[Photo <http://bit.ly/gNmCv3> ]

Beautiful from the beginning, but the magic really begins at (1:04).

Watch, AFTER THE JUMP...

[Video <http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ablNcskmvL4> ]

This is a translation of the judges that was offered in YouTube
comments. If anyone can offer corrections, or a better one, please do:

After the performance:

Judge A: You have been deceiving me all along. It's impossible.

Judge B: He's beautiful, isn't he? (Asks the crowd) I was dumbfounded
when you started the second verse.

Judge C: Initially, I was certain that you were a transexual, but
once you began singing, I was fooled to think that you were female.
After you started the male verse, I should have trusted my gut
feeling.

All judges gave the thumbs up.

Judge C: Continue the deception.


Posted 7:11 PM EST by Andy Towle in Music, News, Thailand, Transgender

ReRun

Every now and then I like to pull up a post from the dusty old archives.  Since the time it was posted, the blog has gained many more followers and daily visits Thank You!!!
It was titled "Can I Ever Go Home Again?"






If I can quote "Bob Seger's Hollywood Nights" tune-"he knew right then he was too far from home. He was too far from home." Then relate it to losing your male identity, I would. Wait! I just did!
The reason I did quote the song (basically about a beautiful California blond and a Midwestern boy lost in her charms) is that I remember defining moments when I didn't want to go back home to my male self.
I know many of you girls have always known you were just that-a girl. Many of us however, did not have that luxury. I went through the first 30 years or so of my life fighting and giving in to my female urges.
I knew I could never go home happened to me when this Midwestern boy moved to the NYC area.
Within two months, I enjoyed two defining moments that would set my life on a female path.
The first was a trans "mixer" of sorts I attended on Long Island . The real lady at the door wouldn't let me in until I proved I was a guy. "No single real women allowed!"
The second was a Halloween party I attended with a couple friends at work. It just so happened that one of them had two other tall female friends that were dressed as sleazy as me! To this day I remember walking across an intersection in a mini dress and heels WITH 3 other real females. What an evening! The girls insisted I dance with them and even a couple of their boyfriends.
I knew then, I could never go home-even if I did move back to the Midwest.
If I was a betting girl (not) I bet you girls have defining moments too!
I welcome any stories you might have, when you knew you could never go home!

Experiences we have in our culture prove that life is a journey. Not a sprint!

Now I Understand

I not naive. I understand much of the inner force that drives a person to go through the pain and expense of sexual reassignment surgery. Many times, that is only the beginning. Many have facial surgery and more to complete their journey.
If my last week or so are any indication, I have hit that wall in my own way. I am the woman I always wanted to be...except. The angle look of my face.  If you look at me from the side at a certain angle you do see a male face. Much different from the face that gets doors opened and admiring glances. The proof is in the action. I moved through places I would have been laughed out of not long ago without so much of a second look...except the woman who sat next to me when I stopped for an appetizer and drink. She looked from the side and smiled and bit her lip and said something to her boyfriend. Wonder what that was?
I have to decide if I'm satisfied where I'm at now. I know I really want my own breasts.
I written about this road before. Last night it became a little clearer!

Well, It Was Almost True!

One of my favorite bartenders has long straight jet black hair. She is a young beautiful woman. I model my look after her a lot. Dark eyes, olive complexion and burgundy lips.
Ironically, along the way I've been able to convince her my hair is mine.
The story sort of took on a life of it's own about a year ago when I went red. She asked then if I did my own color or had someone do it. No inclination at all of a wig. I simply said I had a friend who helped me who was also a beautician. I do have a friend who gives me ideas but she isn't a beautician.
When I went dark it wasn't much of a stretch to tell her we simply colored it and took some of the curl out since it was about the same length . I knew she would like it because our colors were the same.
When I saw her tonight in my latest hairstyle, I knew she would really like it because it is long and straight and black like hers.  The difference is my hair has what I call a "henna" rinse. In the right light it has just the slightest red tone to it. She immediately commented she wanted to do something similar to hers. She asked what we did to mine and how long did it take to wash out in the shower. The final question was the best "did I get it out of the box?" She meant the hair color box and I thought the wig box.
I didn't hesitate and said yes i did get it out of the box...just not which one!

Is Less Really More?

Last night (Fat Tuesday) it certainly was. I straightened the black curls, cut the makeup back and went out with a friend of mine.
I wore a sweater top that ties off in the middle with a pair of black patterned jeans. No flair, straight leg jeans with a pair of shiny flats.
I can't tell you the look was very exciting but it sure was effective!
The pub we were at is my regular place and by 8 ish it was jam packed with guys around the bar.  My friend and I were close to being the only women there. When I got up to make the long trip to the ladies room I was kind of scared.  I have had some real unpleasant reactions before.
Amazingly, last night was just the opposite. As I stood up and put my purse over my shoulder, it seemed all eyes were on me (they weren't). I stood straight, shoulders back and slowly made my way through the crowd.  The only reaction I got was positive. There were a few admiring glances but for the most part my semi-professional attire was accepted or ignored.
The whole affair was repeated of course as we left. With the same results. I was on "cloud nine"!
I even stopped at the same grocery store on the way home.  No one even gave me the side glance or out and out stare I usually get.
Maybe you can teach an old cougar new tricks!

Hiding in Site? Transgendered Girls.

How exactly does a man meet one of us?
Why is it so difficult?
I have an on line friend who enjoyed a wonderful relationship with a "Pre Op TS". She moved and he is left seeking another and having a rough time. I have had several "Yahoo" connects who echo his sentiment.
We all know there are many of us out there. That is where the problem starts. The transgendered woman has to be out for a start. Their closet is very small to start with and often includes a spouse. No more room for you.
What's worse, this can go two directions. Obviously we have the girls who are still in the closet and not available. We also have the women who have gone through all the surgery and are quietly leading "stealth" lives. Take both of these groups off the dating board.
Then, you have the sexual aspect. Sexual attraction could be a bigger problem than the first two together. The vast majority of the transgendered girls I have interacted with over the years had no interest in men. At least said they did. Subtract more girls from the board.
What's a man to do? Certainly, there are many sites who cater to men who want to date transgender. Many of those are nearly pornographic in nature. The others? Yes, you can find quality people on line but it's tough! I have posted on several dating sites as a female. (due to no choice) Then I explain my transgendered status. I assume there may be others like me. That is one idea.
How about local groups? Very difficult. the ones I have been involved with are pretty much closed environments due to closeted individuals.
Truly, the whole process is like finding that "needle in the haystack" and you don't want to get "stuck" when you find it.
I personally feel the pain because I've been looking for a transgendered "sister" to just hang out with. Shop, girl talk etc with absolutely no luck. I've found the most aggressive people seeking transgendered women are other trans girls...sexually!
So what can I say but "Good Luck"! We truly are rare creatures!

Transistion Pioneer?

The first crossdresser to transisiton?
A couple of days ago, I read  a comment in one of the groups I'm in. The person said she had never met a person who transitioned who was a crossdresser.. I really didn't understand but then again I did.
I know many today are moving towards labeling transsexuals as a medical situation rather than a mental one.  I'm not smart enough to even try to get into that debate. (or want to)
I've always maintained  that all of us are crossdressers. From the guy who wears his wife's panties once a week to a fully changed woman, we are still wearing the clothes of the opposite sex. Having said that, I don't think of myself as a crossdresser. Why? Because I SO much feel like a girl most of the time. Even that can be argued.  How could I ever know what a real girl feels like?

"Virginia Prince" circa 1948.

Who cares, it's all sematics. (and boring at that). Back to trans pioneer women.
We will never no for sure, but "Virginia Prince" could have been the publicized first. She was a trans pioneer who took the full time path without any surgery. She did take hormones and underwent electrolysis however and was one of the few resources for "hetero crossdressers" back in her day.
So, by not going through surgery was Virginia more of a crossdresser
who went through transisiton than Christine Jorgensen?
We will never know how Virginia herself would have approached this. She excluded gays and transsexuals and was a huge proponent of "ladylike" behavior.
Her opinion today would certainly be interesting.
I f she stepped to the podium to accept her pioneer award. She certainly would have been dressed appropriately!

Read more: http://zagria.blogspot.com/2008/04/virginia-prince-1912-pharmacologist.html#ixzz1Fb6FCs6k
Under Creative Commons License: Attribution