OMG More Stuff!

War of the worlds erupted in my life last night.
I was sitting in one my favorite spots sipping an adult beverage enjoying my look and feel. You know  the stars were coming together. The deep satisfaction of feeling like a girl was making me all kinds of warm and fuzzy and I was talking girl talk to one of my bartender friends and a woman I had met before.
BAMM! My phone starts to buzz.  Life was good!
Two different cis-women from my guy life trying to see me last night.  One just wanted to sell me something so I blew her off but the other is one of the best friends I have and has been with me through death and financial disaster. I could not blow her off, so I had to go back and see her as my other self. For the record she knows of my trans status but chooses not to approach it. I respect her decision.
On top of that, my work tried to call me back in to close a store last night!  AAAAH!
On the positive side, I'm in a Yahoo group called "Only the Best Girls". The group features a "cover girl of the month and I thought I would pass her on!

WOW!

A Free Sex Change?

Yes, in Thailand of course. From the "Bangkok Post" comes this story.
Sexual reassignment surgery is not currently covered by any health
care system in Thailand. The Sister's Hand foundation is a private
organization that was set up to provide a small number of transgenders
with the necessary funding for full surgery.
A competition is held every year for the gift. Started in 2010, this is the second year of the project. There are
only five places available as each operation costs approximately
100,000 baht. Almost 100 people applied.
Photos by Somchai Poomlard.

A couple of these pictures prove that not EVERY trans woman in Thailand is beautiful.

Except maybe the final photo above. Identified only as a "cabaret performer".
Do you think any national organization here will step forward to set up such a fund? Naah!

Transgender Fiction

I've seen this art form a lot.
"Jenny North" has a site called "TG Graphics and Fiction Archive".
I have never been really into much of the real fiction, I choose to believe much of the other information I see and read. (which could be fiction too!)
The whole venue is such an interesting part of our culture that I had to pass it along.
If you haven't been to the site yet, there is a ton of material.

Here's a small example:
If you go to the "Femulate" site much, "Stana" uses many similar cartoons!
Enjoy!

The Shrinking Transgendered Girl?

I read an article by a big girl explaining the "big girl" role.
Here is a small part.
Must be overly cheery, smiley, and always happy. Not a complainer. Must take everything in stride. Must not shine. Can be pretty, but no prettier than the main character. Role of big girl is an attitude, not a number on the scale. Must be willing to dim your light so others can shine. (from "BlogHer")
I thought, that's me! In reverse.
The majority of the time I'm the "shrinking transgendered girl". The rules are to never really make eye contact. Don't speak until spoken too and give the minimum social effort.
The ultimate in trying to blend or the the ultimate in trying to disappear in a crowd?
What am I missing here? A lot!
To many, I come off as a bitch. They wonder why I don't speak. I totally miss out on some possible great interaction.
That's crazy. So what if I'm read as transgender? I am what I am. It's my ego (male?) slipping through with my inane "rating" system. At the end of the evening, I judge the success of the night on how many people "read" me or not.
Just as the "big" girl needed to change her focus, I need to change mine. I should judge my evening on when and if I met anyone or entered their lives at all.
Missing life due to shrinkage is no fun!!!!

Pioneer Women?

I do possess a degree in history and follow the past with some sort of passion and interest.
Of course transgendered history is very high on my list! I do believe through the past we can sometimes predict the future, or at least use the years as a yardstick. How far have we advanced? If at all?
Of course we all remember "Christine Jorgensen" who broke the gender barrier early in the 1950's.
The first British Transssexual possibly was "Roberta Cowell".
Roberta actually went through her operation nearly a year a half before Jorgensen.
There obviously won't be national holidays to remember pioneers such as these two ladies. Think of how difficult it was for them to go through basically an experimental procedure.
Think of how society as a whole viewed any gay person, let alone a trangendered one?
In society we are still largely made to ride in the back of the bus.
However, thanks to courageous  women like these, we have been able to move up a couple of rows.
Sooner more than later, we too will be able to sit where we want on the bus!

My Time of the Month?

Maybe it's the winter "blahs". It seems my part of the world has been locked in the grips of a gray snowy winter longer than usual. Maybe it's the decision of where and how my life may go is affecting me? No matter how I cut it I'm on this cliff looking down at major decisions. Do I continue down the same dual gendered path or do I explore the wild wonderful world of hormones?
Complicating the matter even further is the sexual aspect of all of this. Which, by choice I don't discuss here.
Right or wrong, I have lived my life on it's own playing field. It has called the plays and I have responded. Do any of us have the right or opportunity to really challenge destiny?
Deep down inside the girl in me feels so at home. Life obviously has shown be the path but not how to walk it or the courage to do it.
Then again, is all of this just a reaction to coming off of a tremendous high at the first of the year?
New look, new friends and challenges have leveled off as they always do. I cherish my friends and they are so difficult to find that I find a tremendous satisfaction when I find one.
Maybe it's time for my own personal trip to my beauty salon.  Why not work with a new hair style? Cis-women have done it forever. I just have been hesitant to go that route too much.
One of the benefits in my part of the world is the changing of the seasons. The rebirth of life in the spring is just around the corner.
It's time to shop for more than new spring fashion!

High Maintenance?

This quote came to me from one of the many places I subscribe to. I don't remember which one and it doesn't really matter. We have heard it before.
She wrote: "A look that has comes to us via porn, ladyboys, transsexuals, queer
culture and high fashion is a look I now see on the bus. This excess
of femininity may compensate for endless anxiety about appearances.
There is nothing natural going on here, and some women are not hiding
that fact. To become a woman is to become a female impersonator. How,
in such a world, can we say to any young girl: "You are fine just as
you are"?
All so true. Every young girl should feel she is fine as she is. BUT it's unfair to blame the female beauty ideal on us!
Men are visual creatures and women provide the vision. Isn't that how it works?
Since the first cave woman put berry juice on her lips to attract a caveman, what was that?
There are many women with fine natural beauty. There are as many if not more without it. Does that mean the rest of us can't take advantage of all the resources to look better?
As role models go in today's society shouldn't women mentor the young girls? Feed their self esteem? Makeup, fashion and clothes do not make the woman. That is all inside.
All of this reminds me of the early rhetoric of the feminist movement. Burn your bra...unless you look terrible without it.
How is it so terrible to take pride in our outside appearance?
Human nature has made us the high maintenance gender. Work with it!

Dressing Your Age!

One of our pet "peeves" on the blog is our problem with "dressing our age"
As you've probably noticed, I have subscribed too and become a fan of "Fabulous after 40".
One of the women who writes the blog came up with these sets of rules after a fashion failure on a night out:

• I will do my “homework” before going out. (That means googling the place)
• I will wear high heels.
• I will make sure my outfit is youthful, but not like I’m trying too hard.
• I will stop comparing myself to younger women! (I am going to be happy to be me!)
• I will post a photo for you all to see.

When you are going somewhere new, the internet is a wonderful tool.  I should have just googled Nic’s Martini Bar before I got dressed and then pushed “Images”. Usually up pops what the inside of the place looks like, and sometimes it will even show images of people there.
We Glam Gals are firm believers that what you wear will and can give you more confidence, energy and possibly even help you have more fun.
There you go girls. You can be gorgeous at any age. Someone will be looking!

"Social Female"

The "chat" in the last post continued with my friend to the point of "cis women" as a whole and their reaction to us.
Her opinion turned out to be a lot more negative than mine. She thinks women have an "entitlement" issue with admitting a trans female into the circle. We haven't "paid the dues" so to speak and are we just a wolf in sheep's clothing? She feels her exclusion after "SRS" (by female friends) was an entitlement issue. Regardless of the change in genitalia, she was excluded from the female circle. My situation was (and is) different from hers and I would be excluded from my little network of friends if I went full time and had the change.
I  disagreed and pointed out I felt I had been admitted to a couple of circles and these are the reasons why.
First of all, let me give you my definition of friends in this situation. I see most of them once a week and text others on a regular basis. We know about each others lives to an extent and we seem to like each other. The group covers all of the female spectrum from straight to ftm. Here are some observations about the group.
My cis girlfriend doesn't like my male self. She prefers not to see me as a guy and never refers to me as one. 
Only one out of five has ever seen me as a guy and that was nearly two years ago. There has never been a secret that I am not a cis female but then again I'm treated as a "social" female. We talk make up, clothes, diets hair and family. I've been invited to couple "girls night out" and of course an NFL game.
I don't know where this all leads me except to feel wonderful about them.
No one has ever asked me about my gender plans for the future. My assumption is if I left for the SRS surgery and returned, I would still be me (with certain improvements of course).
In their eyes I still would be a social female anyhow, so I don't know why anything else would change.
So now I went and did it. I coined another term, "social female". It feels good though. As good as interacting with my friends. I know and they know I will never have experience of their lives.  On the other hand, "cis" or "social" can be bridged by a pleasant friendship.

Cyrsti

"Steath Girls"

I chat with a very interesting, educated and intelligent woman at least once a week.  I would have had no way of knowing she was not born female from her pictures until she told me. I really respected her for that.
In her part of the world, she is going to interact with a government agency about discrimination. I immediately thought "transgendered" and she told me not necessarily.  Unless "outed" she was going to protest as a "bi female". I thought wow, our group and her group just got left out again.
I started to think about it and here is part of my response:.
I read "stealth" into much of your ideas.
I used to feel that the trans people who finished their journey just went away and vanished into thin air somehow hurt our group as a whole.
Our true role models disappear and we are left with Jerry Springer.
More and more, my ideas are changing. Realistically, if I was taking the path that you and many others have taken to evolve into your mental gender...I would go stealth too. Maybe.
One could even argue the term "stealth" could be changed to "arrive".
In addition, I try to be as stealth as the next trans girl in public. I am what I am and have very few problems any more in my chosen gender. So am I stealth or have I arrived?
I satisfy my need to "pay forward" and help others with my blog. That's enough right now.
The end result is I have so much respect for the "radicals" amoung us who are anti-stealth and showing the world who we really are. 
"Radical Queer" or whatever the "Anti Stealth" would be labeled is a fork in the road I will face later!

Preference.

Sometimes the most beautiful women,,,aren't!  "Rhianna and Andrej.

Do Real Women Shave?

From one of my favorite "real girl" sites. "The Frisky"

Danish Girl?

Danish "Lili Elbe" was supposedly the first person to go through sexual reassignment surgery.
"Nichole Kidman"  will be in Denmark this summer to actually start filming this story.
Her story is a fascinating one.  Lili was born "Einer" in 1882.  Later in life he married the artist Gerda Wegener.

When a female model did not show up for a session, Einer stepped in and Lili was born. Einer enjoyed and became so comfortable as a female, he eventually had the surgery which was very experimental in those days.
Gerda and Lili moved to Paris where Lili lived openly as a woman and even turned down a marriage proposal.
The only problem with the film is that Kidman is playing Lili.  Once again a transgendered actor is turned down for a role.
The movie has had a very rocky start and reportedly will start filming this summer in Copenhagen.

What's It Really Mean?

All the current fashion runway publicity revolving around "Lea T" and "Andrej Pejic" means exactly what to the transgendered community?
Did the "glam rockers' or the "club kids" do any thing for us? No not really. No mainstream change. When movies such as "Tootsie" came out, did that help? Maybe a little.
"Alex Fury's" article in the UK's "Independent" gives us some possible insight from the runway.
Here's is a portion of his story.
So where will this interest take us next? The womenswear shows are
currently in full flow, hot on the heels of a menswear season that
questioned the status quo between the sexes at every turn. Whether
fashion will bravely continue to transgress the boundaries, or will
wilt into the shadows of gender stereotypes, remains to be seen.
Leading the vanguard as he prepares for Candy's third issue, Luis
Venegas is philosophical about his aims. "If showing these images and
stories somehow helps to change the conventions and what people see as
elegant or right or wrong, I'm happy about it. That wasn't the plan,
but at least people can look at this in a different way."
For what it's worth, I'm a real believer that we are starting to see the merging of the genders.  Human evolution, chemicals we consume and social media outlets are pushing the gender envelopes like we have never seen
If the current runway style helps or not has yet to be seen.  At the least, it's not negative and probably does not reach much of society, but who knows? It can't hurt!

Up Against the Wall!

Passing by the wall of employee info, I happened to glance at the "Equal Opportunity Statement"
Of course I have seen it a million times and like everything else, it kind of just blends in after a while. This time it didn't.
I realized it did not refer to me.  As an older white male, I have been conditioned in the rules and regulations of equal opportunity hiring. Primarily, questions you can ask or not ask in a interview situation. It occurred to me that if I asked "are you transgendered" and the answer was yes I could basically say thanks and we will save your application. (Don't call us...we'll call you)
I also thought if I changed my clothing to meet my chosen gender, I would be gone shortly at my job.  Sure, I could sue and make a big deal about the whole thing. I would but the end result would be the same. I have no equal rights.
What am I doing about all of this?
I feel the acquaintances I meet and the columns I write help a little. I wish I could do more, surely like the rest of you. Hopefully together we can continue to do our "small parts" and the future will bring equal opportunity to us too!
If I didn't mention "Stana" and her "Femulate" blog at this point it would be a huge mistake.  Her "outreach" efforts to colleges in her area are a classic example of bettering our future! She is a quest speaker and explains life as she knows it and more importantly answers much needed questions! Following in her steps is one of my goals!

Why?

How could anyone think we make a conscious choice to walk down the transgendered road when it is so difficult to navigate?
Do they really think we could put it down like smoking or drinking?
The recent stats show how many of us live in total poverty.  Worse yet,. the number of us that face violence (and lose) is just scary.
Add on the suicides, loss of family and friends and even discord within our own community and no reality show could ever really scratch the surface.
To coin a term OMG!
Over the years, I've tried to think of some of my worst enemies who I could share my "condition" with and came up with a big fat zero. I've never hated that much!
On the other hand I wouldn't want to share the "euphoria"I felt last night. Yes, I am that selfish and I couldn't even begin to realistically explain it to a "normal" gendered person. Walking through a group of partying people with my long black wavy hair. Shoulders back, favorite outfit, scarf and bling. OMG it was fun!
What can I say, except I'm so lucky not to live in poverty. I am not lucky enough to say I haven't considered offing myself. What's left of my family knows I'm trans and I really get upset over those in our community who believe a total sex change makes you a better person than a crossdresser.
The only certainty I have is uncertainty.  Do I risk health problems at this point in my life to be more of a female. Do I go away and live full time? Do I continue the dual status I live now?
The only answer I have is that I don't know.  Some days it's my own personal gender nightmare. More than likely, one I'll take to my grave.
All these years "they" said I could put all this behind me.  OMG!
(OMG means Oh My God!)

British TV Girls?

The British are giving the old "Benny Hill" series a run for it's money.
The "Push the Button" stars Ant Mc Parlin and Declan Donnelly  played characters from a fictional family and promoted the second season of the British show.
Ant played the Mom and Dec (below) went all out as the daughter and her best friend too.

Follow this link to see a picture of Dec "before" and more information on this show. : http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1351640/Howay-er--lads-Ant-Dec-glam-drag-promote-TV-show.html#ixzz1DF3a2qFb

 

Sooner or later (later) our "transphobic" nation  might feature a television star or two do a realistic makeover!

Trans and the VA

More and more transgendered veteran information is showing up in the media with the recent repeal of "don't ask don't tell." in the military.
Reports are surfacing about the VA providing meaningful care but seemingly has no real policy. Not a surprise that we are falling through another set of cracks.
Along the way, I did find a transgendered vet story that closely follows mine.
The VA actually prescribed hormones to a bi-polar vet and let her work three months in their library to pass the requirements. I have to believe this is a very rare instance.
I too am bi-polar and I take a very good regimen of drugs that keep me as normal as I can be! Every couple months I check in with a "junior shrink". I call her that because she is more qualified to dispense meds than counsel. However, I'm one step away from telling her my condition and seeing the real shrink.
Problems are cropping up however when transgendered veterans actually have legal name changes.  All important records are being disturbed and if you ever have been in the military, you know how disturbed that can make you!
I am reaching a juncture in my life where this is all so important to me.  Do I think anything meaningful will happen soon? No, but that won't stop me from trying to lend what support I can to make it happen!

Really Split Ends!

An ancient story returns once again, "Mona Lisa" was a male. Several sites have reported "Mona" was modeled after a possible Leonardo da Vinci love interest.
The claim came from Silvano Vinceti, chairman of the Italian national committee for cultural heritage. He went on to say  the Florence-born Renaissance artist's male apprentice and possible lover Salai was the main inspiration for the picture.
Nothing new here. We always knew the most intriguing women are guys!

On the flip side, have you heard of the Justin Bieber web site? Well not quite. This site is "Lesbians who look like "The Bieb's"
Here's your challenge "gf's"  A trans male who dresses as a lesbian to look like Justin Bieber. Then again, who would want too?

How to talk to a Transgender Girl!

"Trans" Got Your Tongue?

(another one of my "Hub Pages" posts)

Suddenly you find yourself beside or very close to a transgender person. Now what?
You want to say something but don't know where to start
The dynamics of starting a conversation are very complex! You've already figured we are not contagious or harmful. The hard part is over.
Three things could be in your mind. Number one, you are just curious. Why does a person want to change a perfectly good gender?
Number two, you want to expand your experiences. You want to add a transgender conversation into your life experiences. Unfortunately, this usually includes the process of telling all your friends! Hey! Guess what I did?
Number three, you assume the trans person is lonely. You are just being nice!
All three of these reasons are absolutely rational reasons! Curiosity is fine. Just try to be careful with really crazy questions. I do understand though you have no idea what a crazy question is. I'm patient!
Expanding your experiences is fine. Just don't make us the spectacle to do it. Don't be the first of your whole group to have enough courage to speak then go back and have the others "slink" up or worse yet "snicker" at us from across the room.
The assumption we are lonely is as false as the assumption we are all promiscuous. On the other hand a light conversation is usually always welcome.
My assumption is you are a genetic female if you are interacting with me at all. Men just have too many gender bridges to cross to approach us. If they do, the worst are the guys who want to call you "man" or "dude" and want to give you the knuckle buster male power handshake. Rare is the man who is secure enough in himself to converse with us. I'm really insecure with guys. First i have to find out if they know I'm trans and then try to figure out where they are going! I'm not one of the Trans Girl "male bashers" you hear so much about. It's just reality.
I can't speak for the rest of the transgender female community but I welcome approaches on several different levels.
I have no problem on explaining to you what I am. If I have the courage to express my true self and you have the courage to ask me... I will do my best to educate you.
I love to talk fashion with you and even guys and sports too! On the other hand if we appear to be unfriendly it is just that we are really shy and we have to wait for you to make the first move!
The approaches I hate are the "carnival" views and the "guy" bashing. Sure, I'm very different in many eyes but have some respect. I'm sure there are some skeletons dancing around in your closet. The difference is that this isn't my closet. It's my life.
As far you insecure guys go , please don't take it out on me. I know you have that pretty dress hidden at home. Hope it fits!