Low Brow Comment?

Over the past couple of weeks I've had a couple "eye brow" questions. How did I shape my brows?
As a rule, I stay mainly away from makeup questions.  All of you either have found a path to your own style of makeup or are still exploring and my recommendations are far from being expert.
Eye brows and basic skin care are a different subject however and are rather easy to comment on if I can help.
Early in my feminine progression, my eyebrows were a focus for me-maybe too much so. I became rather aggressive to the point I think my thin brows were rather noticeable. I always assumed they would grow back and they didn't. As I shaped, I also thinned my brows to the point they are today.
I basically got away with it because I wore glasses which kind of covered my rather feminine brows.
So my brow advice is to go slow! Certainly you can cover them with certain kinds of makeup which you can see on a few of the "YouTube" makeovers.  If you are trying to look your best in a normal public setting, that idea is not the best way to go. On the other hand you don't want to walk around with a "uni-brow" look and feminine brows can go a long way in enhancing your look.
I'm sure others of you here have your own "brow beating" story.
Again my advice is to go online for brow shaping advice and go slowly!

Out of the Closet

Out of the wrong closet at that! 
I just attended quite possibly the last company Christmas party in guy drag I ever will.
Going through my male closet (neglected) was quick and pain full.
I've never given much attention to my male appearance.  Work attire was easy enough as was the simple casual attire I wore.  You know the story. Fashion limitations everywhere-BORING! Polo shirt, slacks, matching socks and shoes and I'm out the door.
Of course once I got there I was the fashion expert (in my mind).  I passed the time critiquing every woman there.
Why did I go? If you've been following my timeline, I only have another couple weeks to go with this company.
Actually there are a couple of reasons I did go. Let's get the self serving one out of the way. Christmas bonuses were being passed out! Do not quit before you get your bonus!
The other reason is I believe in being a good employee until the end. I live in a relatively medium sized town and I feel more than a few know of my transgender background. If the company gives a party, at least they will have a chance to remember me as a man before my serious gender changes begin.
Of course I've endured the company gossip as well as others for some time now.  I won't lie to you and say that some of it has bothered me over the years.  It's not so much I was bothered by what was said. I was bothered I couldn't say so what?
The Christmas party was so much more than selecting clothes from the wrong closet or ignoring a couple of ignorant comments. The party was yet another huge step towards accept me for who I am or go away.

You Bought A "Girl's" Car?

I had two overused vehicles who served long and well. I say had because the second of the two said enough is enough. My drive to and from work is about 15 min each way on rural roads.
On the way home my transmission decided it's first gear was a waste of time. So there I was. A "trans" woman without a "trans" mission dressed as a guy on a country road.
To make a long story short, I coaxed the truck home and immediately started to worry how I was going to solve my transportation needs.
I  thought of a guy I have known for 20 plus years who sells used cars among other things. In fact, it was his Victorian mansion I went to the Halloween party the congressman and his wife were at. If you recall the post, both the politician and wife showed more than a little interest in me.
The next morning I headed to his used car lot and he showed me about eight or ten cars in my price range.
I walked the lot and kept coming back to a small SUV that somehow appealed to me; so much so I took it for a test drive.
I have owned many different cars and trucks over my life but somehow this little SUV was different.
Finally it came to me. This was a girls car. All of a sudden the whole feeling made so much sense. The whole experience was no different than being drawn subconsciously to "chick flicks", different music or even a mans eyes.
I did buy the SUV and drove it to work and the strangest thing happened. 
One of the women I work with and I share the same outspoken cynical sense of humor. She took a look at my new car and said (remember she doesn't know my female side) "You bought a girls car!"
My voice said "yes do you want to borrow it?" My mind thought "you don't know how right you are!"

New Link

Here is a link with more info and pix from Albany from my last post.

In Depth Transgender Stories From Albany

Lana White, 30. Served in the Air Force. Divorced father of two children, ages 7 and 11. Worked as a railroad dispatcher locally. Native of New Orleans, relocated recently from Albany to South Carolina.

"Being a transgender person is not a decision. It's who you are. Society puts certain constraints on us and I lived with people calling me gay and I lived in fear of being beat up or retaliated against. I hid it in the Air Force so I could keep my job. It's not a matter of putting on men's clothes or women's clothes. I am who I am.

Accepting: "I've dated men and women. I'll go to a football game with the guys and enjoy that experience. I also like to shop for women's clothes and makeup. I expected more problems when I moved to Albany, but this is a pretty accepting area. I don't broadcast it, but I'm pretty open with who I am. I've been accepted as a woman at the railroad. But if someone slips up and uses the male pronoun, I don't get upset.

Passing: "Everyone's journey is different. I've been on hormone therapy for three years. I spent time in counseling, but I don't need a shrink to tell me I'm a trans person. I've been passing as a woman. When I'm out in the world, it's just easier that I'm seen as a woman and I don't get any undesired attention. I haven't had surgery, but I find the question kind of personal. Have I asked about your genitals?

Read more: http://www.timesunion.com/local/article/I-hid-it-in-the-Air-Force-2341881.php#ixzz1fdCeSCxO

Admittedly, Lana looks very feminine and you probably are thinking "sure she would have an easier time."

Another person in the series presents a more realistic look at what many of us face.

Mary, 56.

Served in the Army in Germany. Retired police officer in suburban
Pittsburgh. Lives with wife, Betsy, a Presbyterian minister, in
Pennsylvania. The couple worked as missionaries in Africa. She has
been living full-time as a woman for nearly a year. She was in Albany
over the summer for a transgender conference.

"It was a long struggle for me denying who I was. I had a lot of fear
and guilt. I was threatened and beat up a lot when I was Barry and
starting to act like a girl in high school. I was shaving my legs and
the guys would chase me out of the boys' locker room and beat me up.

Cop anger: "Many years later, I started dressing occasionally as a
woman. People thought I was gay. My cop partner on the night shift
said he was going to kill me and pulled a gun on me when he found out.
I'm 6-foot-4 and 250 pounds and the other officers couldn't believe
this is who I am. I became very depressed and suicidal.

"I started dating Betsy and had no plans to tell her, but one day I
just blurted out that I liked to dress as a woman. I thought that
would be a deal-breaker. Amazingly, she said that was OK. She thought
I was a big guy with a feminine side. She found that sweet. She knew
my secret, but I couldn't keep it inside anymore.

Suicidal: "We went to Africa as missionaries for our church and I
started dressing as a woman in the house there, but it was very
dangerous. Betsy said I needed to get help. I started psychological
counseling in 2007. I became more and more depressed and made several
attempts at suicide. I had my service revolver in my mouth. I was
ready to jump from a bridge and my wife called me on my cellphone and
talked me down.

Trans support: "Last year's trans conference in Albany was the first
time I dressed as a woman in public. I was scared stiff and almost
didn't go. I turned my car around three times before I got the courage
to attend. A couple of trans women, Jenna and Lana, took me out on the
town in Albany. They were sweethearts. They made me realize I wasn't a
freak. I saw there were other people like me.

As always I try to just give you the highlights.  Follow the links to yet another informational set of articles by brave transgendered people!

Transgender "Two Spirit" World

One of my favorite topics and one I still haven't researched as much as I like; is the status and relationships transgendered individuals carried on in ancient cultures. Specifically Native American.
The "she wired" site  posted a Thanksgiving article reminding us the holiday is not a day of celebration for Native Americans but a day of mourning. In many ways Thanksgiving 1621 was the beginning of persecution and genocide for the numerous tribes.
The "Reverend Irene Moore" went on to remember the role of "two spirited" transgender individuals in the native cultures and how the culture changed:
"Homophobia is not indigenous to Native American culture. Rather, it is one of the many devastating effects of colonization and Christian missionaries that today Two-Spirits may be respected within one tribe yet ostracized in another.
"Homophobia was taught to us as a component of Western education and religion," Navajo anthropologist Wesley Thomas has written. "We were presented with an entirely new set of taboos, which did not correspond to our own models and which focused on sexual behavior rather than the intricate roles Two-Spirit people played. As a result of this misrepresentation, our nations no longer accepted us as they once had."
Traditionally, Two-Spirits symbolized Native Americans' acceptance and celebration of diverse gender expressions and sexual identities. They were revered as inherently sacred because they possessed and manifested both feminine and masculine spiritual qualities that were believed to bestow upon them a "universal knowledge" and special spiritual connectedness with the "Great Spirit." Although the term was coined in the early 1990s, historically Two-Spirits depicted transgender Native Americans. Today, the term has come to also include lesbian, gay, bisexual, and intersex Native Americans.

How unfortunate we weren't influenced more by the ancient cultures. How much easier would life have been?

I am NOT a Crossdresser!

Don't get upset. A while ago I wrote a post on Hub Pages and shared it here on why I'm not a crossdresser.
Here it is again:

Maybe you aren't either.

I don't spend 100% of my life yet as a female, but when I do does that qualify me as a crossdresser? When I'm working as a guy...maybe I'm a crossdresser then?
Where is the mystical line? If you take the word in it's most basic form I am a crossdresser because I don't wear the clothes of my birth gender. Then again, who says what my birth gender really was?
What "clicks" in my brain when I'm a girl? I shop and eat and do girl stuff. I simply love the hair, clothes and makeup! The word cross dresser has no meaning. If I'm not a female, I'm certainly not a guy just dressed in ladies clothes trying to fool the world.
Are you a crossdresser? Even if you are walking through the mall in sky high heels, big hair and a short skirt you may not be. You could be going through your teen girl years. It happens to all of them. They grow up and so will you.
Don't get me wrong here. I know I will never be a genetic female. No amount of surgery or hormones has perfected that miracle of science yet. I am a mix of both genders and something I'm becoming very comfortable with. The crossdresser in you will disappear as you feel more comfortable and your female side establishes what she wants to be.
So,when someone refers to you as a crossdresser, maybe you are not. Think of it this way. I'm a guy out of convenience and a girl out of desire!

Over the months I've had several comments but the one I'm going to share is beyond wonderful!

jeanine commented:

I am a two spirited individual... and could be and can fall into all of the categories... trans anything, to me is just the diversity within our tribe... I do not like what the medical community has done for and to us as a tribe... sense the beginning of time we have been advisers to Kings, Queens and leaders all over the world... we were revered because of our knowledge of both genders... consider Holy men to most native tribes around the world and until the European version Christianity came on the scene we were known as the keepers of the secrets of God... I cannot understand why our tribe has embraced the binary system... since the medical community has been helping us we have been relegated to the Jerry Springer show... I'm having trouble with the medical community telling me I will be more if they make me less... I am not one or the other I am both... transsexuals to me are just the new Eunuchs and they are so beautiful to me... what the world does know but I'm sure you do is we all hear that women are going to be elevated to rule the world completely, so some of us change to get to go to the head of the line... some change because we can and yet others change to get away from the angst that this society has placed upon us... I know there is a day coming when we will be restored to our rightful place of honor... I am not one or the other... I am both... it is the gift from God that we have received... enjoyed the read...

I have written here on occasion on how most of the ancient cultures did revere our knowledge we gain from both sides of the gender divide. I have just not been able to express my feelings on the subject as well as Jeanine!

Normalization or Positive Publicity?

Some groups are complaining about the normalization of transgender humans.
The world has now passed the 7th billion population milestone.  Sooner more than later these groups will have to face the fact that a sizeable amount of the 7 billion peeps are and will be transgendered.  Normal? I'm not even going there... except to say if normal is how good I feel in my chosen gender; that is normal to me.
The groups I'm sure are just complaining about the recent amount of publicity the transgendered nation has received recently.
Let's focus a moment on the 7 year old transgendered boy who wants to join the girl scouts. If he just presented himself as a boy who wanted to join the scouts how would that differ from a girl playing on a boys sports team?
When his family presented him as transgendered the whole focus changed of course and once again we all had to go through a furious media blitz.
I'm a firm believer in any slam in any way directed towards our transgender community should be exposed. We have come a long way out of our closets and can't go back.
If that is the transgendered "normalization" certain groups are talking about,  they used the wrong word. Forget normalization and use "reality".
As a transgendered group we still face more violence and discrimination than any other culture. 
The more reality of our lives the overall public expereinces, transgendered individuals will move out of the shadows and become "normal".
On a personal level, I have never known or had much fun with that "normal" word!

Transgender Privilege?

I commented on a post on Matt Kailey's blog and thought I would pass it along here.
"Is trans male “privilege” include an easier acceptance in the male community? I’ve always wondered?
Growing up male and working most of my life in female dominated jobs, I always felt women have a more complex “acceptance” system than men.
I do agree, the physical effects of “T” hormones enable the outward gender transition from female to male easier initially. (Hate using that word, nothing is easy I know). Sure the more completely you assume the “vision” of your chosen gender, the true inner transition is just beginning. I know one person who went down the full journey to change her sex only to become the best looking man in the room.
Let me mention I feel privilege does not have to be totally negative and will always be part of the human gender spectrum.
I am an middle aged transgendered woman who is beginning hormone therapy soon.
Over the years, I have been fortunate to gain an understanding of how to interact in the world more completely in my chosen gender… with females.
For the most part I have wonderful experiences with a whole new group of friends and I consider this “female privilege”. Again, is there a similar assimilation trans guys feel? Could it be described as “male privilege”?
I quickly learned much of what I had heard from genetic women on a stereotypical level was true. I did lose a few IQ points here and there and I certainly lost my rights to much of the “space” I occupied. Men have no respect for my space and reach over me and around me with no problem and I now have to always move for them.
On a larger scale, I did lose a huge part of the respect I had gained as a middle aged fairly successful white male in my American society, I lost the automatic sir I gained with age and replaced it with a feminine one.
Of course the path was exactly what I chose and all so natural I found. Female privilege to me became being treated in a softer and sometimes more open way.
Again I’m curious of how the overall transition in “privilege” works from the female to male side although I know no story is alike!
As far as the “LGBT” community, I believe our privilege is a farce. We are only included when need for more “clout”. I do have interactions with a few lesbians but most view me as a “wolf in sheep’s clothing” Gay guys are as clueless as straight guys and view me as another queen most of the time. So again, will someone, anyone show me a privilege?"

No Autographs Please!

My bestest friend told me I could be just dealing in paranoia. (Me???)
The walk from the waiting room to my psychologist's office at the VA Center is quite long.
My first two visits, the halls had been roughly empty.
This time people seemed to be coming out of the woodwork. The people all seemed to be professionals who worked there.
As we made our way into her office, I almost asked my therapist if everyone just happened to know my appointment time and knew the exact moment we were going to walk down that hall to her office.
I didn't because I had more important things to think about and certainly it wasn't the first or last time I have been the center of attention and curiosity.
If indeed the whole incident was a creation of my own paranoia...so be it.
On the other hand, if the staff stopped their day to look at me; it shows how little the particular VA Center I go to knows about transgendered vets.
If that is really the case, I feel good to be the pioneer woman who opens the doors for others.
But REALLY, try not to stare. Come on!

Transitioning And The Silver Screen

Some of you may remember the post I wrote some time ago when I became totally immersed in a "chick flick".
The moment was one of the first I can remember. 
As with most of my life these days the moment went by and I gave it very little extra thought.
Since then chick flicks have been an afterthought until this morning.  I was working on my book and catching up on emails and I had the television on in the background.  A classic "40's" movie was on and I don't really know who was in it. 
What did happen was I slowly became drawn in to what the women in the movie were feeling.  I was empathizing  with their relationships and lives without even thinking about it.
All of a sudden my new fascination with characters on the silver screen became clearer than a high definition big screen. I was watching from a female point of view. Not as a man relating to a woman or even wanting to be her. No, I was feeling her emotions towards men, other women and life.
Wow! What a revelation!

Again and Again and Again....

Can I ask a question? Is it more satisfying to go into public and have people assume that you are a woman -or- is it more satisfying to be recognized as transgendered?
Answer: both!

In The Eye of The Storm

Had to happen. The sun and moon and stars would align and all the people in my fave spot who wanted to know more about me...are.
I have come to the conclusion a couple of the women there will never accept me and that's OK. The three others more than make up for the two.One of the three I have mentioned before.
She is the Russian "Quantum Physics" professor can totally drink anyone I've ever met under the table.She is attractive and 40ish and wonders why she doesn't have a serious man? I asked her if she could spell intimidation? Most of the guys I know as a guy would be scared to death of her! Like me, most have no idea of what Quantum Physics is and she teaches it on a graduate level?
Perhaps "whatever it is" (I'm too lazy tonight to even Google it) effects how she relates to me.
Let me relate it to you in a baseball sense.  She will throw me a pitch which looks like it is coming right down the center of the plate as girl to guy communication. Then, at the very last minute she will pull the string and it will dip into a girl to girl moment. Fascinating!
So I can live with the other "bitches" (OK I said it). Just so they don't go after my rest room privileges!
In the midst of these girls is the guy I will call the "alpha" regular and I will discuss him in the next post.

Janie Scores Again!

Well maybe you have to ask her that! lol
Now that I have your attention, a must read from Janie's Blog deserves a mention.
She has a special talent for exploring a very intricate topic and coming up with a wonderful opinion.
Her latest post can be described loosely "What came first, the cart or the horse"
Did her desire to explore and live the female role begin deep inside or appear as the result of other stimuli?
On her blog I added a comment that I feel my journey down this road may have started as a reaction to a male dominated family; teamed with the fact I lived in a rural setting with very few girls.
Maybe I ran and hid from the male expectations in my family to a safe place I really knew nothing about...girls.
Add a fetish or two and boom! there it was.  I have always simply loved being a girl.
Whatever the reason I am the way I am really doesn't matter. "I yam what I yam".
Follow my  link to "CD's Janie's Blog" it will be worth a visit!

Now What Part 28!

Again, I was going out for a quick evening...
Big, long and hot days coming up
No such luck. First there was "Orlando". I persuaded  him I was texting my mean big boyfriend and he was on his way.
Next was the girl who wanted to dance with me...in a sports bar.
Finally, in my own hometown. I figured I would encounter the usual BS encounters.
Not tonite! I was there for around ten minutes or so. Two guys walked up and the one asked if the seat next to me was open.
I said "sure" and the older man sat down next to me and proceeded to not leave me alone, He was cool and we shared many experiences.
Eye to eye we talked and he said or indicated not a word about me being trans.
The frustrating part is  I don't know why  I went through an entire evening being female accepted.
Looks? Maybe?
Confidence, probably. Definitely the evening will be revisited!

Catching Up

Hi friends, just wanted to catch up on the week.  The weather is been very hot and humid in my part of the world.
So bad as a matter of fact that some of my faves closed early last night from lack of business.
The challenge of course is to be able to dress for the heat and not melt.
I'm not exactly sure, but this summer I seem to melt less and my makeup stays put. I have finally found a foundation I use which covers well with less.
The fun part of the summer is I have been able to put together several new outfits. Always a major problem.
I believe I have told you I can not shave my arms so covering them is a problem. The solution has been several several very light weight tops that I wear over bras and halter tops or even nothing at all. I have been able to finally highlight a woman's best fashion accessory in the summer...skin.
Flip flops, bare legs and a short flared skirt are fun to wear and help to cool a warm evening. My diet has served me well in that I can open my top to the air with a flat tummy.
I don't tan well and the thought of tanning beds sends me into shock so  I use a "skin glow" product which is a lotion that softens and gives the skin a warm glow.
So the hottest week of the year around here has been quite the learning experience!
Will I miss it when it goes? No! Will I remember the fun? Yes!

Another Sorority Visit

I posted a very short response to the date I went on a week or so ago. Out of respect to him (since he reads the blog) I wait to post before I chat with him and will not go too deep! He turned out to be tall, attractive and intelligent! (He even turned out to be a wonderful singer.)
The two of us have chatted about what happened after the date. (He doesn't live around here)
Immediately the women I know in the pub treated me different.  Of course, they were typical females in that they were saying it all with their yes. I was non typical in that I wouldn't talk about it!
Most of them work there so they weren't in a position to say anything and the one that will has gone on vacation, Her return should be fun!
If there is a bottom line, I suppose I have climbed another rung on the real person ladder. The women who were hesitant to let me in their sorority opened the door.
I became more than just a trans girl who comes in and enjoys the music, sports and trivia. I normally just speak when spoken to.
As we know women are more into people and relationships and all of this placed me directly into their arena. All of the sudden the man discussion includes me as a woman!
I know I've mentioned I didn't know how much girl I have inside.  I do now...again.
The difference is I don't have to carry off being a girl. Increasingly I have to carry off being a guy.
It's all so exciting and scary at the same time.

On the Horizon

I know things have been a little quiet around here in the "condo".
I have taken the creative energy to do a little work on my "how to" book.
It's called the "common man's" guide to becoming a girl.  I know what you are thinking. "Not another how to book"!
Before you throw it in the trash, here's my angle. My niche.
The guide will be aimed at the novice crossdresser attempting to navigate her way through a confusing gender minefield.
Most of the so called help guides I've seen start with a very pretty boy with a thin body.  He of course transforms into a gorgeous female.
What about the rest of us? The ones who can't afford or can't sacrifice family and loved ones while they make the most important decision of their life?.
What about the rest of us who have to work very hard to present female.
I have a real problem with self discipline and organizational "stuff" so my guide may be a work in progress for awhile!
Just wanted to let you know what was going on, other than a bra less look I'm working on!

Araguz To The Supreme Court?

Texas widow "Nikki Araguz" must sit and wonder what a long strange trip it's been.

From the talk show circuit as a young transgendered woman to a marriage in Texas that ended tragically in her husband's death...she seems to be always on some sort of hot seat.
She lost her court case to claim death benefits in Texas and now is considering taking the case to the Supreme Court.
How does a person do this?
John Wright from the "dallasvoice.com" provided some insight.
"Nikki Araguz, who until now has been represented by Frye & Associations, said she expects Katine & Nechman will partner with national LGBT advocacy groups on the appeal.
Araguz said she chose to switch law firms because the high-profile case could have broad implications for transgender equality, possibly addressing fundamental legal questions about how gender is determined.
“I think that collaborating with multiple national organizations’ legal teams, and the Supreme Court experience of Mitchell Katine, is the better way to go for the greater good of everyone who’s going to be affected by the outcome of this case,” Araguz said this week in an interview with Dallas Voice."
From this statement I gather you go high power legal with backing from national groups and go to court.
On a purely personal level, I never forgot "Nikki's" appearance on Springer years ago explaining her oral sex act with a guy.
On the other hand I agree with her opinion all of this may have or could have far reaching considerations. Certainly governments have legislated gender. It's time for the highest court in the land to decide why they shouldn't.

Girl's Night Out?

Over the last several years I have wanted to spend some time out with another transgendered girl who  fits my style. So far I have encountered no one who fits the criteria. (Before you label me a elitist...read on)
You ask "criteria"? Is Cyrsti accepting applications? No, but there are parameters. 
I have several crossdressers who play with the idea.There is absolutely nothing wrong with a part time crossdresser but 99% of the time you don't have the expertise to go out in the real public. It's a tough crowd out there and what would your wife say? Scratch them off the list. I just can't risk my little network of places I go... sorry. Just because I'm accepted doesn't mean both of us can be. I've worked very hard to be as presentable as I can possibly be. You can't just appear and expect me to work magic on you....sorry again.
How about a pre opt or post opt woman? I'm not woman enough for them. I'm just a little too edgy for a person who has gone as far as they have to change their life. In many ways, I'm as foreign to them as the weekend crossdresser is to me.
Let's toss lesbians into the picture. On some levels we are fascinated with each other and I have a few friends I hang out with. On most levels though, there just isn't a connection. That's OK I understand.
Men are another story. A long one and not part of this discussion. The ideal here is to spend girl time and have them buy the drinks.
By this time...you are saying "damn! what does the crazy bitch want?"
The answer is easy and impossible. I'm looking for a presentable fun person to enjoy some time with.I can provide the experience with the public if she can provide the personality and pizazz.
Yes, so far this seems impossible. Remember though, I'm talking ideal. I'm really fortunate to be able to live as I do and I thank God she has enabled me to do it.
You can't win though if you don't try.
I love all my friends now and wouldn't trade them for the world. They know my restless spirit and realize I have to look around that next corner to see who is there!
I can't wait to go out and talk, shop and party with a girl who shares my interests.
Maybe she is around the next corner!