New Link

Here is a link with more info and pix from Albany from my last post.

Thanks!

Every now and then I try to take time out from my rants, news and personal things to tell all of you "THANK YOU"! for being a part of my blogging experience.
If you ever want to get a hold of me feel free to email cyrstih@yahoo.com.
No question is too crazy or off the wall. I've been in that closet with the rest of you so if you just need a shoulder to lean on that's OK too.


Cyrsti

Hippie Chicks Rejoice!

Flare leg jeans are back! Yay!
Check out the "Hope Alexander" fashion post here.
As she says, flares flatter most figures. You can wear them with flip flops or heels.
I just love it!

Transdanista's

Our lives are complex! Decisions, decisions, decisions!!!
All your life you've wanted to get out and show off those beautiful newly shaved legs of yours. You just know how much better the legs will look and how much better you will feel when you wear your new 3" black pumps...to WalMart?
Sorry girlfriends, had to bring up the old crossdresser stereotype. But just when you thought you have seen it all in our world up pops a fashion blog we all should subscribe to. It's called "wtforever" and features fashion mistakes.
My picture from Walmart should be in there somewhere!

Copasetic?

What the heck is that? Sounds like some sort of medicine my Mom used to force down me when I was a kid.
By definition "copacetic"  means all is satisfactory or is fine.
My personality equates that with being in a rut.
What did the famous philosopher Randy "Macho Man" Savage say? If you are not living on the edge, you are taking up too much space?
When I feel too natural as a girl, does it take the edge away?
Yes and no.
"Back in the day", each step out the door was an adventure. The adrenalin was flowing. Would I be be busted or be the fairest of them all?
Over the years much ( if not all ) of that has subsided. The rush is now a warm satisfaction.  Is it good? Sure...but every now and then I miss the good old days!

Giving Thanks!

Once again it is time to take time out of our busy lives to give thanks for what we DO have!
If you are fortunate enough to have your health...that is number one!
Number two if you have loved or are loved...that is number two.
All the rest of life's problems are minor and can change on a dime! (If you have one!)
This time of year brings out the best or worst in our lives. Between now and Christmas, we have a chance to experience our families in the most positive of situations-or the worst.
Hopefully, this post finds you in the positive category. I do know though that many of the best of families don't accept their transgendered relations. So sad!
Finally, giving thanks includes a hope that all of you have a new family or friends to share just a touch of the season with.
Cyrsti

Catching up!

Sometimes I think I'm in this giant rut!
Last night I went to my sports pub on a very busy night and watched the beginning of the real college hoops season without so much as a comment or look from anyone. Saturday was the same way.  My outfit was a football jersey and jeans Saturday.
I wonder if this is what it would be like full time? Just being out as me...a girl and why now?
I suspect there are a couple factors. Number one is hair style and color. Here on the blog, I have some other pictures of me in other hair.  Well, I've decided on the red. My friends like it as do I.  If I believe I can wear it with confidence all the time-that is half the battle.
I hate to admit to the other. Makeup! All of the sudden (after years) I subtly changed the way I'm applying it.
I changed my approach to my eye make up for the better.  For years I was told my eyes were the most dramatic part of my look so I emphasized them. Too much so on occasion.  Recently I've tried to make the eyes dramatic but with less. Emphasizing the line of the eye with out doing much with the lids themselves.  This allows me to bring out my eyebrows.  My brows are very thin to start with and I'm able to color them to match the hair and bring them out. At least for now all of this seems to be working. My acceptance level is at an all time high. BUT you are thinking what the heck is her problem???
It's complex, but I'll give this a shot. I follow two people closely and a couple of their ideas enter into this.
"Stana" at Femulate and I are somewhat on the same path of public presentation. She has mentioned she is to the point that it is getting to be all so natural (I paraphrase). Stana is a "hose and heels" girl! I respect her sense of style and fashion but my world is quite different. That is the fun part!
Fun, brings me to the other influence I have and she is "Janie" who I've mentioned here a number of times. Janie once had a post basically asking is it more fun to present female or to spice your outfit up and be a great looking guy in a dress? (paraphrasing again)
I have succeeded temporarily in the first part. That's the rut I'm in.  Where's the fun?.  Even at the NFL game I walked, looked and talked like a girl and was accepted. I dress in nice fashionable clothes but nothing with heels, jeans and sweaters. I get some looks but the same as any middle aged female would get...from middle aged guys.
Yes I could ramp it up again! I have the boots, leggings and clothes to do it.  Doing that risks the gains I've made as a person, so it is not as easy as it seems.
So I guess if you see someone peeking at you over a hill, it's just me in my rut.  It's all good. Sigh!

I Touched A Girl.

As I left work last night, I figured I could actually go out and enjoy myself alone...with others. Get a seat, watch a couple of the late college football games and sort of "zone" out.
Good plan until I got to my pub and found only two seats open at the whole bar. One of which had a jacket on it. A woman was standing one seat away from the open one so I asked her was the seat taken? She was every bit as tall as me and we locked eyes as she verbally bitched slapped me with "yes, and I'm sitting there!" I really didn't know (or care) if she read me as TG or just another woman invading her space. I wasn't asking about that seat anyhow and just took the next one down.
About five minutes later she turned back to me and said she knew me and we had talked in another spot. Did I remember her? I wanted to desperately and finally did. One afternoon we had sat close to each other in a tavern downtown. At that time I had mentally labeled her as either bi or gay . She is very attractive in an assertive way. I followed her lead (with my own personal confidence) and we got along and talked until her brother came to pick her up.I figured I wouldn't probably see her again. Until last night!
We chatted for awhile and she introduced me to her 3 friends and they went on their way. I thought they had left until about a half hour later someone was lightly rubbing my back and saying "pretty lady". Fortunately it was her. I obviously thanked her and ordered another beer.
This time I could see her in the mirror and was trying to muster enough courage to return the "touch" on the way out. Assuming I left before her.  I always (in both genders) have never had the courage to do this. Until last night.
I paid my tab and walked by her group on the way out.. I stopped and lightly brushed her bare arm with my fingernails and said "thanks and I'll see you!" I kept on walking and she said wait and motioned me back. I got a hug and a chance to talk to the group for a couple minutes.
I'm so glad a finally found the courage to step forward a little with others. Better yet, I hope I see her again!

Halloween Party?

Due to work obligations, I knew my Halloween this year was not going to happen.
I didn't give the matter much thought as I entered my usual hang out last Friday night-and walked right into their Halloween party.
I almost panicked!  A Halloween party is one of the hardest places to present as an actual female. People are obviously looking for all others in costume. "Ha Ha dude, want a beer? Nice costume" is exactly what I heard one place last year when I went to one of the biggest Halloween street fairs in the state. Unfortunately I was just dressed as me...no costume.
This year again I  was just in jeans and a sweater as I quickly surveyed the scene and got ready for reaction.. I saw about half the group was actually in costume.
I was sure someone would spot me as a possible costume contestant but  I was able to find a seat at the bar with no trouble. I got no reaction.
Soon, after my first beer, it was time to survey the crowd to see if anyone else was dressed as a girl. Interestingly enough, the only remote possibility was a person across the bar wearing some big blond hair. "He" turned out of be one of the female managers in costume and probably wouldn't appreciate my thoughts on her costume. She made a great "drag queen"!
I guess you could say my Halloween was real boring this year for all the right reasons!

Trans Girl Socially Challenged?

Absolutely!
My genetic girl friends tell me- "all the good one's are taken". Are they right?
I'm not looking for much. Just a person to hang out with and I'm not totally alone. I have my guy friend and a small group of women friends.
My personality always pushes for more so I signed up for a dating site. I probably drove them all over the map with my gender changes. Woman seeking woman all the way to man seeking woman. The bottom line is that my expectations have been reached. Nothing!
I knew the whole thing would be like finding the needle in the haystack, but needles have been found!
Then I started wondering, do I threaten other women?
I read a great post concerning just that by "Hope Alexander" on "Hub Pages" of why we do. One of the reasons is that we look better and put more work into being a girl. The usual examples of clothes and makeup come to mind. I've added one of her posts to look at! http://hubpages.com/hub/Are-You-A-Man-Or-A-Woman--How-To-Deal-With-A-Crossdresserhttp://hubpages.com/hub/Are-You-A-Man-Or-A-Woman--How-To-Deal-With-A-Crossdresser
I do believe it is true with some women because they have let themselves go-but not most. I also believe we play into the insecurities of genetic girls because we do play in their sandbox.
Is all of this another social problem?
We are too much girl for the gay guys. Not enough girl for the Lesbians and a competing girl for the straight women? OMG!
Finding good people in the world is hard enough! I've been blessed to find more than my share.
I can't help but think there are a least a couple more out there!

Can You Ever Go Home Again?

If I can quote "Bob Seger's Hollywood Nights" tune-"he knew right then he was too far from home. He was too far from home." Then relate it to losing your male identity, I would. Wait! I just did!
The reason I did quote the song (basically about a beautiful California blond and a Midwestern boy lost in her charms) is that I remember defining moments when I didn't want to go back home to my male self.
I know many of you girls have always known you were just that-a girl. Many of us however, did not have that luxury. I went through the first 30 years or so of my life fighting and giving in to my female urges.
I knew I could never go home happened to me when this Midwestern boy moved to the NYC area.
Within two months, I enjoyed two defining moments that would set my life on a female path.
The first was a trans "mixer" of sorts I attended on Long Island . The real lady at the door wouldn't let me in until I proved I was a guy. "No single real women allowed!"
The second was a Halloween party I attended with a couple friends at work. It just so happened that one of them had two other tall female friends that were dressed as sleazy as me! To this day I remember walking across an intersection in a mini dress and heels WITH 3 other real females. What an evening! The girls insisted I dance with them and even a couple of their boyfriends.
I knew then, I could never go home-even if I did move back to the Midwest.
If I was a betting girl (not) I bet you girls have defining moments too!
I welcome any stories you might have, when you knew you could never go home!

Handy Dandy How To Page

The first installment of my transgender "how to" page is up in it's own room!
Been wanting to do it for awhile!
I hope in the future to make it a feature you can add to!
Thanks girl friends!

Narcistic Bitch?

After reading my latest post-I thought what a bitch I was!
All the eyes on me and comments like that must have all of you thinking that. I would.
OK, let me rephrase this.
I strive to be the most attractive female that I can.  At 5'9" I'm usually one of the bigger girls in the room so that alone creates attention.
I also strive to be the nicest person I can be. Like all of us who are out in the world-I'm a pioneer of sorts. I don't want to ruin that.
It just happens I like to do it on the edge a little!  Attractive and authentic is great-if I can achieve it.
Furthermore, I have to leave that "plain woman" alone in my blogs!
I just had to get this "off my chest" lol!

Doesn't Everyone Have One?

No! not one of those! A mirror! I found my "mirror picture"!

Why Not?

Go back to being a guy if I don't want to be a girl 24/7?
Quite by accident I read the most appropriate reason not to on another blog.
Check the link to your right under "CD Janie's Blog".
By permission I'm going to pass along the highlights:
"With all the problems and conflict, both internal and external, you’d think that I’d just want to give the whole thing up and try for happiness the old-fashioned way. After all, I haven’t burned any bridges…
Turns out, I love Janie.
Turns out, some of that love I have always felt for women has always been a desire to feel what they feel!

It is one thing, as a man, to be attracted to women, to enjoy their way, to find them attractive and sexy – and I was, I did – but that was never all of it for me. I didn’t just want to be with someone who had the feminine characteristics I loved, I wanted to have those kinds of feminine traits myself."

WOW! I've never been good enough to explain to those who ask why?
Janie made it so easy!
Thanks

Do Blondes Have More Fun?

Can't answer that but can speculate they get more attention.
During the past week or so, I've done something I thought I would never do...go back to being a blond.
Why? I have been told I present better as a red head and I love the long wavy curls. I also have a dark (almost black) long a wavy look that I do well with too.

About a week ago I posted a few of the blond pics to my Flickr account http://www.flickr.com/search/?q=cyrsti&w=all. and received a lot of positive feedback. So on my next three trips out, blond it was!
As I've mentioned before, I rate my "presentation" level on a percentage on any given outing.
No matter how good the pictures say I look and how good the mirror says I look the blond doesn't present as well.
Last night, I think I figured it out.
Blond's necessarily don't have more fun...but they get more attention. If I'm a blond more people look so I get more of an opportunity  to not present.
God, I sound like a statistician or a scientist! Believe me I'm not.
The bottom line is that the fun and enjoyment of being my female self is change.
So, in at least the near future, this blond will have more fun!

"Bella Maddo" Premiers!

'Bella Maddo' is a groundbreaking film that features all transgendered performers playing traditional cisgendered roles.  Skip to the "library" page for a couple of pix!

A Close Shave?

I discovered this product quite by accident when I was bargain shopping for a new razor.
A nearby box store was featuring a sale on the "Gillette" Pro Series razor. The "Pro" is one of the top of the line 5 blade super razors. For obvious reasons, I'm looking for the best shave ever.
What really set the Gillette razor apart was the small sample tube of "Thermal Face Scrub" that came with the deal.
The product is exactly what it claimed to be.  When you apply it, the scrub heats your beard and exfoliates your skin.
You get a closer shave and skin help at the same time.
It is worth a try!

Transgender Osmosis News?

I recently finished a hour long question and answer session with a graduate student working on a transgendered thesis.
As we sorted through the usual questions of when did you feel transgendered first  and how much counseling had I gone through, here came the big question- how did I make new friends as a transgendered person.
Fortunately, I could fall back on last night's experiences to answer the question.
I was having an outstanding time conversing with a cis-girlfriend of mine. At the same time we were talking to one of our regular bartenders about her day on the job and I noticed another rather attractive woman switch places with the guy she was sitting with to get next to me.
Well, I was in heaven! She started a conversation almost immediately about the different places we have seen each other.
Question answered, I made a new friend as a transgendered person by osmosis.  She had seen me around and I was interesting enough to talk to. The next step was the politics of nice.
I've mentioned before the art of communication between genders and how transgendered fits in. I call it the politics of nice.
Number one, I've learned plenty on how women talk to each other. The verbal or non verbal, the eyes and the touches all form a basis.  The icing on the cake is just being nice. I try to project that basic fact. Underneath all the window dressing, yes I'm transgendered but I am a good person that you may want to know.
I wasn't always this way.  On occasion I was bitchy and a loner. I did learn however that some women are as curious about us as we are about them.
As we talked "girl talk", being transgendered sort of just faded away and I'm gained another friend through osmosis!

So much more satisfying than be a bitch or a loner!

Invisible?

I had a great time last night with two girls (real) I went out with for some dinner and drink.
Both of them are in their mid 20's and quite attractive. My best case was to be mistaken for a mom or older sister. I didn't know the worst case was to become invisible!
We had unknowingly made plans at an upscale pub/eatery at an outdoor mall in the area. The only problem was the mall was staging a free "Gin Blossom" concert at the same time and the place was PACKED.
I know I don't present as female to all the folks all the time so I judge my success or failure on percentages. My unofficial tally was that I got busted by about 5 people out of 100. I'll take that!
As soon as we left the bar and went to our table, I stopped worrying and became invisible! My mother in law years ago had told me about something like this. My sister in law used to be really attractive and Mom said she rarely even got a glance when she was with her.  I had never experienced such a thing. After all,last night was my first time out with two young attractive women. They had several guys stop by the table to chat and they never even looked my direction! In fact one guy never looked at either one of us. He only talked to the one friend at the table.
Hell it didn't matter if I was TG, pink or green!
Actually, I'm not upset and the evening was a great success.  I was fortunate to learn another little lesson on how the "other half" lives.
I'm supposed to have another night out in a couple weeks with a couple "older" girls (real). I've been out with one before but we shall see how the "group" works!