The Starship "Transgender?"

Neil deGrasse Tyson is by far my fave "astro physicist" if fact I had no idea of what an astro physicist was until I began to watch him and his Star Talk Show on the National Geographic Channel.  Last night's show was extra special though as he featured an interview with another of my "faves" Susan Sarandon.

Dr. Oppenheimer 

As the show wound it's way around more than a few concepts I don't pretend to totally understand-all of the sudden they were discussing one I did: it turns out Tyson's lead chair is Dr. Rebecca Oppenheimer. 

Dr. Oppenheimer is a comparative exoplanetary scientist: she studies planets orbiting stars other than the Sun. This nascent field is so young that much of the work involves developing the techniques needed to see these planets, so that their light can be dissected and analyzed. Her optics laboratory in the Rose Center is the birthplace of a number of new astronomical instruments designed to tackle this problem. In March 2004, Dr. Oppenheimer deployed the world's most sensitive coronagraph at the AEOS Telescope in Maui. See lyot.org for more information. In June 2008, her team deployed an even more precise and sensitive exoplanet imaging system at the Palomar Observatory. This instrument is called Project 1640 and involves researchers at AMNH, Cambridge, Caltech, and NASA/JPL. All of these instrumentation efforts, as well as several others including the starlight suppression system for the International Gemini Observatory Planet Imager project (GPI), were conducted in Oppenheimer's lab in the Rose Center at AMNH.

And oh by the way Dr. Oppenheimer is a transgender woman and I paraphrase: or a woman who happened to be made to live as Ben.  And what if gender wasn't an issue anyhow?

An idea we have pondered for most of out lives! For whatever reason, I could not come up with much of a link for his show tonight. You are on your own this time.

A Day in the Lifer?

When I was in the Army long ago, a military member who was planning to make it a "career" was called a "lifer." As I was writing this title, it occurred to me, most transgender women or trans men are "lifers" too-if we know it, fight it, live it-or not.  Actually, I screwed up -the title was supposed to be "A Day in the Life."

Today was mammogram day anyhow, so I knew from my last "mammy gram" the afternoon would provide it's own unique set of challenges. None particularly bad, just different. 

Since I am still operating under my male credentials, I raised a couple of eyebrows when I walked in-regardless of appearance.

To my surprise though, the receptionist didn't miss a beat and said she has a transgender woman friend who came out years ago. We had a brief conversation about how many trans folk there really are still in the closet. 

From then on, the visit went real smooth-from the technician and doctor to check out. Most importantly though, I was given a clean bill of health. I have written here in Cyrsti's Condo that my maternal grandmother passed from breast cancer in the 1950's, so there is an increased risk in the family.

Even the trip home was pretty uneventful as I was running slightly ahead of Cincinnati rush hour traffic. Once I got home Liz and I decided this gray, damp Monday night was prime for ordering in Asian.

So, I was closest to the door when the driver got there looking rather androgynous (at the best) and really confused the delivery driver. 

The tip I gave him though solved everything and he was on his way. My point is when you consider a Mtf 24/7 transition-consider this girl thing totally. Even if you are just meeting the delivery driver.  

Cyrsti's Condo "Remember?"

Angela Morley

From the Independent : "She was an Oscar-nominated, Emmy-winning composer from Yorkshire whose triumphs ranged from Watership Down to Dallas. But Angela Morley was also a transgender pioneer who faced the incomprehension of the music industry when she transitioned in the 1970s.

Now Morley’s story is being dramatized in a BBC play starring Rebecca Root, the first trans actor to play a leading transgender television role. The star of the BBC sitcom Boy Meets Girl, Root plays the musician who overcame prejudice to help bring the stirring scores to Star Wars and Schindler’s List to the screen.

Rebecca Root

Born Walter Stott in Leeds in 1924, the composer and conductor provided the orchestral arrangements for films including Peeping Tom (1960) as well dozens of albums, from Noël Coward to Dusty Springfield.

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

Ker Plunk! A Thanksgiving Sunday Edition is hitting your virtual front porch. It's a cold chilly gray day here in Ohio, but actually a little warmer than the norm and perfect for a toasty "Cup O Joe"- grab a cup and let's get started!

Page One-The Week That Was or Wasn't: Nothing jumps out which was radically different. We found out again, Caitlin Jenner peered out from her gilded closet and proclaimed support for all the politicians who want to discriminate the transgender community but then comes out and says "keep it together all-will be OK." No surprises, after all Caitlin has a whole new season of her show coming up. Plenty of time to establish a foundation for in need transgender kids and call for equal trans rights...or not. Jenner has to remember, transgender is not spelled with a "H" -for hypocrite. 

Page Two-Deep Sadness: As Transgender "Days or Remembrance"  have or will still be celebrated around the world. All of us should take the time to never forget our "sisters and brothers" who often have paid the ultimate price for simply being born.  May the elusive peace denied them during life, find them on the "other side." In the meantime, radical conversion therapy still continues to drive kids to suicide.

Page Three-Giving Thanks: Tis now the season to begin looking around at the people that some times form our new families. Take my brother for example. He stuck the turkey knife in my back and said his family would "rather not" have the real me at dinner. Sure I was hurt but Liz and my daughter were both pissed to the point of saying "hell no they won't go if I 'butch it up." I no I am so fortunate to have in essence a whole back up family in that Liz and I were invited to my daughter's in laws and her family's Thanksgiving get togethers. With open arms. Shame on my brother.

For those who aren't so fortunate, it is a desperately lonely and dark time. A season for us who have a little extra love to pass around - to do it!!!!

Page Four-The Back Page: Beginning this week for me is another round of medical "stuff."
Monday, it mammogram time, Wednesday is shrink time and time to drop off the rest of my gender marker paper work at the probate court. In the meantime, remember thanks for stopping by the "Condo" and I love you all!

Who Brought the Spirits?

A rather dark picture from our pre Thanksgiving Meet Up! But who brought  the "spirits?"

If You Bought a New Cadillac-Would You Drive It?

Years and years ago, I heard Oprah interview several transgender women and their spouses who decided to stay with them through transition. A couple all the way through SRS. 

She (Oprah) zeroed in on one of the transgender women and asked her about the surgical procedures she endured. Then, she pushed the envelope farther and asked the trans woman about her "sexual" future. In other words, if she had a chance to fall in love and be sexually attracted to a man now-would she "try out" her new "equipment?" After pausing and with her wife sitting there-the trans woman said "no."

I paraphrase here and quote Oprah's quick response as a non believing "if you bought a Cadillac, why wouldn't you drive it?" Which brings me to another point.

Katie and Arin Young, Trans and Looking for Love, BBC

Katie Glover editor and publisher of Frock Magazine recently wrote a thoughtful article for the Independent  about the BBC3 Documentary "If you're young, trans and looking for love" you may want to check out. Katie doesn't "skirt" the issue and gets quickly to the "meaty parts."-or the promise (failed or not) of SRS.


You may want to follow the link above to read it.

My only point to be made is Sex Realignment Surgery should never be presented as a be all end all to any transgender person. After all, sex is sex and gender is gender and many times the two don't have to meet for a trans person to live a meaningful life.

To each his own though, so if you do have a new Cadillac in the garage, don't you at the least have to "test" drive it to keep it usable if you need it?

Caitlin Trump?

Already, the "Caitlin Jenner" is a Republican- is becoming an issue-because the "Pub's" are SO opposed to LGBTQ rights. It's a shame because for me at least, a few of the potential Republican candidates I see have ideas I agree with. I have followed Autumn Sandeen (trans veteran) for some time now and I was very interested in her recent post in the LGBT Weekly:

Autumn Sandeen

"Caitlyn Jenner is arguably the most famous transgender woman in the U.S. and has identified herself as a Republican. She represents the transgender community to the general public whether the transgender community likes it or not, and I’m seeing in social media where a lot of the transgender community is falling into the “or not” side of the divide in significant part because of Jenner’s public politics."

I will let you read the in depth version here, but here are a few highlights:

Caitlin Trump

1. Trump referred to Jenner as "Bruce" then miss-pronouned Jenner.
2. Carson said we should have transgender restrooms - it's not fair for us to make them uncomfortable? (Kind of like the first years of integrated restrooms Ben?)
3. Rubio wants to block employment rights for LGBT people saying it's a "special right" not equal right. (Kind of like not hiring Hispanics? Mark?)
4. And my choice for the candidate most likely to come out of the closet - Ted Cruz, said "We shouldn't use the military as a cauldron for social experiment."

Of course, we have a long way to go until election time. Plenty of time for ALL the candidates to try to squirm out of former positions to gain votes. 

And plenty of time for us to write about it here in Cyrsti's Condo.

Sandbox?

Here in Cyrsti's Condo I used to call transitioning "playing in the girl's sandbox".

All I heard forever it seemed was "welcome to our world" from the cis women who did embrace me. (Bless their hearts-a bunch of embracing!)

Finally, I became just me to them and the world. And last night on Thanksgiving Eve, everything seemed to slow down and come into focus.  Indeed I knew I was going full circle into becoming the person I was born to be. 

In more of a traditional way, Liz and I went to a small meetup of friends celebrating a full moon. The group focused the power of the moon to heal ones in need-and the world. 

On the way home, Liz and I took the easy way out and shopped for our Thanksgiving dinner with her family on Saturday. I have a bad hip, so I wasn't expecting an easy way of the experience. 

Amazingly, the hip didn't bother me and here I was following Liz around like a puppy dog while she tore through the store, comparing prices/coupons and checking out. No side looks, no smirks no reaction of any kind-from anyone.

I felt great and ready to pass along all the thanks and goodwill I felt to all that I could. Ironically now, it's increasingly difficult to do that because like it or not I'm heading down a stealth path I didn't see coming. Being transgender is becoming less and less relevant to me.

My spot in the sandbox "seems" to be secure.

Thanks-Giving

It's that time of year to consider what the year has done for you - or what you can do moving forward in your life - in the community. You thank then give.

Of course that is all up to you. As I always repeat here in Cyrsti's Condo, no matter how small your contribution is, it will come back to you three fold.

Having written all of that though, this is the day to consider your blessings. Many times they are there, just hidden. 

Best wishes from the staff and management of Cyrsti's Condo (me!) and I decided to pass this along from a group which is working diligently to make transgender lives easier. 

Clean UP Dammit!

Finally, a couple nights ago, I broke down and colored by hair-basically by myself. I will explain.

"Basically" means I only made a mess with the color base in a couple spots, like the bathroom door and sink. If you have ever worked with hair color, it will stain almost anything and get you (me) hollered at. No pressure? Plus I sort of figured if I screwed up bad enough, Liz would help. I didn't and neither did she.

Lets back track a bit to where I got to this place. Looking back years ago to when I put my wigs aside and began attempting to style my own hair. Very simply, I called this the first time in my life I had to see the back of my head and brush out my hair. A "Pink Floyd" song? "The Dark Side of the Head?" Seriously, being able to experience the thrill of having/wearing my own hair has been worth the hassle. Having said that, if you are a transgender woman of means- you can afford the monthly trip to your hairdresser and is flat out wonderful.

I can't afford the luxury though so I had to enter the DIY hair color biz. From the school of hard hair mistakes-here are a few of mine:

1. Read the instructions...don't be a guy...read the instructions.
2. When those mean old instructions tell you to "PUT ON THE GLOVES"-do it.
3. Save back a couple of old towels you don't care if you color too for your removal process.
4. BE CAREFUL and don't get the color on walls, tile, carpet etc. Get it on your noggin. 
5. Make sure you color your roots completely. Or you will be like me and your gray hair will come back fast and look like a huge bald spot.
6. Don't worry about the color which gets on to your skin around your temples, DO worry about not coloring your temples. (hair)
7. The rest is up to you and the color product you purchased. Mine calls for rinse, two shampoos, and a conditioner. 

So, there you go, but to me totally worth it and I felt positively terrible until I colored my hair. We all learn early as cross dressers or transgender women what hair means to us. Plus with Thanksgiving here, I didn't want to go to the family with the way my hair looked.

I took my abuse for making a mess and feel quite satisfied with the job I did looks. The question is now how long more will I stick with my "Vibrant Violet" hair color.

Coffee With Paula?

Paula's Place blog (Paula Goodwin), is one I keep up with as much as I can. It has always been interesting to me how similar on occasion our transgender experiences can be - even though we are an ocean apart.

Recently she posted her transition ideas along with a drawing from Hannah's McKnight's illustrated transgender blog.

The key point to a transition is when you don't think about gender. You are simply you. An example from me was one of the last meetings I went to. The group issued name tags asking for preferred pronouns. I put down her, she and me (not really). On the other hand one my preferences is not to be ever called a "female" which I consider a physical birth issue.

So, I agree with Paula and Hannah totally and ironically picked up on the barista word from Hannah. 

The other night I was waiting in line for a coffee from the "big time" coffee chain who currently is in trouble from the "radical right" for what they are putting on Christmas themed coffee cups. (Get a life.)

I waited, I waited and I waited some more for only two people ahead of me. The first guy, I don't know what his deal was, except he ordered some special blend from the peak of Mt. Everest and never shut up. The person in front of me had a visitor while we were in line waiting to celebrating another birthday and then again on the phone while she was ordering. What the hell! Did she forget the order?

By the time it was really my turn to order, I was thinking death may be an improvement over a cup of coffee. The barista said "how can we start you off?" my mind translated "how can we help you sir." I said "excuse me?" and she repeated what she really said. (no sir)

The happy ending was I was able to order a simple cup of coffee, not celebrate a birthday and get to my meetup on time.

And yes, the lead "barista" apologized for the peeps ahead of me-not mis gendering me-which she didn't anyhow.

Wishful Thinking?

With a couple of the real scary presidential candidates who were given "no chance" not long ago-who now are.

This picture of transgender veteran and Navy Seal Kristin Beck standing in front of what could be "Air Force One" (if the Prez was on board) is somewhat reassuring.

The Power/Problem of Trans Youth.

In a recent Cyrsti's  Condo post we wrote about the potential problems a very attractive young transgender girl would have dating and finding a relationship. When do you tell a potential lover you have not been the gender of your choice - your entire life?

I have always been a believer in "total disclosure" when it comes to a potential trans relationship-even if the person has gone through total SRS. Plus, it's easy for me to say, because I haven't and seemingly won't ever get into that situation. 

Not so much at all with Claire Green on the left who is being featured in a British (BBC 3) Documentary  “Young, Trans and Looking for Love” (Image via Barcroft TV/BBC 3).

I think too many of us also think "Wow! If I ever looked like Claire, how could I ever have any problems?" As I have always said, looks  are only the beginning. The  younger the trans person, the more the continuing culture of legal transgender discrimination and rest room hassles become all so much more compelling. 

Claire obviously has made it to stage one and doesn't need me to point out she is just getting started.

I have added a link to one of her YouTube videos here.

The Sexy Dillemma

In a recent Cyrsti's Condo post I wrote I would use the picture of a young Latina transgender girl who was very attractive and was slain brutally last summer.

No pun intended but the double edge sword for trans violence is the better you present, the more chance you could have to attract the wrong "admirer." I have never been in the totally presentable category but I can only imagine the trepidation I would feel if I thought I was trying to "fool" some guy on a date.

Other factors would be "competing" with cis women of the same age. (Especially if they are young, attractive and in competition for a guy. One of the memorable comments I hear quite a bit from the older cis women I hand out with is- when they see a 20 something in a short skirt or low cut top is "hey if she has it, flaunt it." In itself, that statement presents all kinds of serious problems for a trans girl.

The biggest maybe is that looks represent a validation of our femininity. I'm the first to admit I think breast augmentation would mean tons to me and I'm not on the dating market and old. I can't imagine how badly surgery of all kinds goes past the want into the need category for a younger transgender person. 

Plus,it's safe to say the Hispanic and African American cultures as a rule have more of a macho image than say the average white rednecks. (Who are plenty bad enough, so don't accuse me of being a racist.)

Perhaps the saddest part of all of this violence comes when you read the trolls comments after each story. 

At my age, on this topic I am going to fall back on the old cliche and say I hope the world finally changes before I go to the "other side."

While my Blog Gently Weeps - Again.

This comes as no real surprise to we transgender women or men who have followed the "number" of transgender violence victims over the past year.

Then today, this story jumped out to me from my Yahoo news feed today:


Monday, Aug. 17, 2015 this photo provided by Randall Jenson, lead advocate of the Kansas City Anti-Violence Project, shows an altar made by the friends of Tamara Dominguez during a memorial service for her at her home. Dominguez was run over multiple times and left to die on a Kansas City street.

For a few transgender Americans, this has been a year of glamour and fame. For many others, 2015 has been fraught with danger, violence and mourning. (Randall Jenson/Kansas City Anti-Violence Project via AP)

Here is just part of the story: 

The toll compares with 12 last year and 13 in 2013, and is the highest since advocacy groups began such tallies a decade ago.

"Most Americans think it's been an amazing year for transgender rights," said Mara Keisling, executive director of the National Center for Transgender Equality. "But for the transgender community, it's been one of the most traumatic years on record."

Death by death, the details are horrific. Kiesha Jenkins was beaten and shot dead by a cluster of assailants in Philadelphia. Tamara Dominguez was run over multiple times and left to die on a Kansas City street. Police said the most recent victim, Zella Ziona, was fatally shot in Gaithersburg, Maryland, last month by a boyfriend embarrassed that Ziona showed up in the presence of some of his other friends.

For another look go here. because I could have chosen many different pictures but chose this one for a reason I will discuss in a later post.

Putting Your Money Where Your Beliefs Are?

This story actually is from last summer but is still very current of course and maybe more so as time goes by.

There is one thing about being transgender, another thing about being wealthy and yet another to use your wealth to attempt to effect real  change. (Caitlin Jenner?)

One of the wealthy heirs of the Pritzker hotel fortune — a former lieutenant colonel in the Illinois Army National Guard — came out as transgender recently.

Jennifer Natalya Pritzker — formerly known as James Pritzker — is part of the prominent Chicago Pritzker family that founded the Marmon Group and owns the Hyatt hotel chain, the TransUnion credit agency and other businesses.

She (Jennifer) enlisted in the Army in 1974 and earned a commission as an infantry officer in 1979, serving with the 82nd and 101st Airborne divisions before moving to the Illinois Army National Guard. She retired from military service in 2001.

According to Buzz Feed :  in July  Pritzker’s Tawani Foundation — a charitable organization promoting citizen service through the support of ROTC programs and other grants — had funded a $1.35 million “launch grant” to the Palm Center, a research organization studying sexuality in the military.

Of course I am a transgender veteran myself and believe the active discrimination against military members is the height of hypocrisy. So, there is a special place for those in the transgender community out and trying to make a true change.  Thanks Jennifer!

And, thanks Bobbie for passing this along.

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

Ker Plunk!  Listen closely - another weekend edition is hitting your virtual front porch. The front porch here at is chilly, but all the snow went North and West of us. So, lets grab a hot "cup o joe" (coffee) and get started!

Page One-the Week that Was or Wasn't: November 20th marked the 16th "Transgender Day of Remembrance." A somber day to be sure and a chance to inform the world the trans culture is more than pretty heels, dresses and  makeup-it's depressing and dangerous. The stats lean heavily towards transgender women being the targets of violence and even more being of color.

Please take a moment to remember and consider what you can do to help this dire, tragic statistic in the future. 

Every little bit helps. Around here in the Cincinnati, Ohio area it's time for us to celebrate the very short misunderstood life of Leelah Alcorn who took her life about this time last year. As a point of reference, she (Lelia) was never understood by her parents-to the point of suicide.

Page Two-Eat, Drink and be Mary? I felt using this transphobic phrase was an excellent way to "usher" in the holiday season in the United States. On page one, we already addressed the dire need to address the violence against us. None of that though addressed the 41% suicide attempt rate within the transgender community-and have been rejected by their families They will face a very lonely holiday period. Fortunately, many LGBTQ communities step up this time of year to fill the void. Unfortunately, it's too little too late for many, especially in secluded areas.

Page Three- The Back Page: Somehow I need to apologize to all of you about writing such a negative post. But it is the time of year to look out of your closets and away from the mirror to make whatever effort you can to help-no matter how small!
In the meantime, as always thanks for stopping by Cyrsti's Condo and just know I love you all!

Style?

I get many questions asking my opinion on how to pursue a mystical MtF gender transition. You regulars around here in Cyrsti's Condo know, I disagree with some and place appearance as the second or even third most important transition factor for a transgender person. Learning the lifestyle of one's non birth gender-better be a bigger priority. 

To get to appearance though, one has to wade through the complex and murky world of style. 

My definition of style is "understanding the direction you want to take at any certain occasion. Once you do, factor in budget and buying constraints to present the most consistent, attractive self  you can- without acting as if you are trying.


So, there you go, I'm sure when you look at the number of different styles the cis women of all ages in the world are consumed with-you can find your niche!

Good Luck!

The Worst Person

Last night I was turned loose to go a small party at one of our friends house - without Liz. It was a small group of about a dozen couples-mostly straight. 

One of the newer couples is positively fascinated with me. (So am I on a  good day.) She wants to know more about my upcoming legal name change, etc-but positively loves my choice of hair color. (Power Violet.) (See box to left.)

Even though my hair seriously looks as ratty as it has forever, the woman loves my hair color to the point of wanting me to recommend what color would look good on her.

Perhaps some of her "trust" in me comes from the fact I am transgender and may have "inherited" some of my style sense from my gay LGBT "brethren". Perhaps you have heard the comment "too much style for one gender?"

I'm certainly flattered, and it's true I arm wrestled Liz at the hair color store aisle for the chance to "go violet", I am the WORST person to ask about what color to die your hair and would it match your skin color. 

I'm lucky to have enough almost hard earned  style for myself!

We Got Mail

Well, maybe not mail-but comments on one of our fave transgender women, Caitlin Jenner. She continues (it seems) to be a lightening rod of opinion within the trans community. Perhaps more than the so called outside world. 

I agree with this comment from "Shelli Anne Mulka":

"I feel rather sad looking at those such as Caitlin who literally spends ten of thousands of dollars on cosmetic surgeries BEFORE starting HRT to create a "Barbie Doll" image of what they perceived being feminine is all about. Those of us who go the slower route of HRT naturally changing our bodies over many months are so very much more in tune with natal females maturation. 

I feel the Caitlins of the world are missing out on a large amount of the total female experience, never knowing the experience of a second adolescence and all it entails."Real" women are grown, not manufactured ."

In many ways too, this idea of "feminization" (over a space of time) is the only way to experience a gender transition. And yes, Caitlin just jumped from closet to closet.


Plus, Connie added::  Well, if being named a "Woman if the Year" by Glamour Magazine is on your wish list, you'll have to wait until next year. If you think that Caitlyn Jenner being chosen this year is of help in dispelling the evil thoughts of others, check out what Rose McGowan has said, and then read some of the comments made by trolls on the numerous sites that are reporting the story. I have to admit that I'm a bit pissed, myself. Not because Caitlyn is starting to live her "authentic life", but that the media is playing off of it. Without even having been out for a whole year yet, she's been awarded as many times as Bruce was in two Olympic games four decades ago. That doesn't keep her from being like you, though, because she tends to open her mouth and jabber something crazy, too. Crazy is not necessarily bad, but Caitlyn tends to also say stupid things. She needs a good sit-down with someone like Kate Bornstein (who often says some crazy things, herself).

Thanks Ladies! The only thing I can add is- as (I have written i the past) am I missing the Caitlin Jenner Foundation for troubled transgender kids-or we will have too wait for season two of her Kartrashian show to hear of it?

Wish List?

It's fairly obvious to me that I won't benefit from the "Caitin Jenner" no expense spared transition fund-  so, what would be mine?
Actually, it's a very simple "short list"

1. I want my HRT estrogen back. Maybe very possible. Soon.
2. .Breast augmentation-before next summer.
3. Facial feminization surgery in some form.

Truthfully, the only way I will be able to accomplish much of my "wish list" is if the VA rules change on approving any corrective transgender transitional surgeries at all. My wish list will remain just that. But that's cool too!

I think I can survive!!!

What You See is Not What you Get?

I have read people determine gender on others very quickly. Thus,most think it is/was incumbent for us as crossdressers/transgender women to look the part of our non birth gender-to the point of obsession with some.

For some reason, Connie's friend who claims to be a crossdresser on HRT fits into this post. First of all, let me point out-most assuredly Connie's CD friend is not the first to follow the hormonal route to look more feminine. In fact, I had an acquaintance years ago whom I am a firm believer followed the narcissistic feminine route all the way to the SRS table. 

Again, not a problem.To each her own. 

These days (and in this post!) I am even going to give the much maligned (by me) Caitlin Jenner some props. What she does for me is when I am out in the world and get read as a transgender woman, all of a sudden that is not such an evil thing. Not that Jenner deserves all the credit.

I have my personal theory of how people perceive me breaks down something like this: The greatest majority of no perception at all. Like most people, I could just as well be in another dimension. Then, there are those who see me as feminine, but at a different level. Which is where the fun starts -sometimes. Truthfully, these days, most are positively fascinated or entranced. I love eye contact these days!

They know they are getting what they see. A transgender woman. Plus they still think we are pretty rare. 

Finally, also very cool are the times I get to meet the same persons more than once-even if it is just to say hello. They begin to see me less as some sort of hologram and more of a person. It's all good until I open my mouth and jabber something crazy.

Having written all of that, my next post of course will center in on my selfish holiday wish gift list!

Rent a Gender?

One of the "fluff" stories on the evening news tonight was the new "trend" among millennial fashionistas was renting high end fashion accessories like glasses to complete outfits. I thought what if you could rent your gender?

If you could take the "magic" pill and transform yourself to the person you always perceived yourself to be-would you?  The base for many great stories, I am sure. The problem would be of course would be how the insiders (transgender individuals in particular) would perceive the option versus the civilians of the world. An idea for another post. A pill for the ultimate cross dresser perhaps? Or an idea for a "Twilight Zone" episode?

Also an idea would be to write a short speculative transgender piece for the "Topside Press":

"Topside Press is now accepting submissions for an anthology of short speculative fiction by self-identified transgender writers. Speculative fiction can include science fiction, horror, fantasy, alternate history or any fiction which envisions a world that is fundamentally different from our own.

Our goal for this anthology is to showcase the talent of a diverse range of authors and catalyze the next wave of meaningful, moving, and politically engaged speculative fiction."

If you are interested, you must hurry because the deadline for submission is December 1st. (Follow the links above.)

I received the info from my Veterans Administration psychologist! Via the Dayton, Ohio PFLAG newsletter.

The Colors That I See

Today was appointment day with my VA psychologist. After the usual "small"talk about how I was feeling about going into the holiday season this year, and I couldn't change the subject to the guy causing a ruckus down the hall- I said I was entering the season with care this year. For several different reasons, last year was rough-real rough.

Along the way today she asked me about my hormones and I said the next decision date was coming up December 8th. She asked exactly what they (the HRT) meant to me. I said not so much with my appearance/etc but since I now know what I am missing-I told her I miss the colors.

Of course, cis-women have very little of the concept as they were born into it. Plus, colors are different than senses. Example, women have a heightened sense of smell over men.

Sometimes, I hate to be the trainer with her! (kidding) She also told me to quit being such a "guy" and ask for help from family, friends and her.

Trans-i-tion

Did I still spell it right? Or more importantly, do  I know what it means? Sometimes I do - I think. Until someone asks me. Then I am not so sure.

It's like Friday night when the transgender man (at the meeting I was at) who took a moment to point out Caitlin Jenner was not a good example of the overall transgender community. As we all expected Jenner will look the part increasingly as a very attractive woman, but how  much true transition Caitlin has experienced in her gilded trans closet remains to be seen.

Then, later on in the evening (of course) the biggest elephant in the room was heard from- what about the rest room gender issues we are suffering from? The trans man spoke to the fact  that transgender women seem to have a tougher time with the restrooms. A woman (cis) asked what restroom he used. The reply was the men's room and of course when the topic came around to me-I said the women's. I added that even though I felt my choice was the right one to make morally, it often was the safer one. I can't imagine just walking into a men's room anymore and using the urinal-without definite repercussions. Perhaps physical.

Bottom line is, I have yet to figure out exactly what line one crosses over to claim a successful so-called transition. I mean if you go on appearance, sometimes I can go days without so much as a side glance. Then, it seems every other person wants to be rude and stare. 

I do think though, a transition begins long before one meets the public. It's not a secret women spend (or should) much more time on hair, skin, weight, clothes etc than men.It is yet another BIG reason it is tougher to transition to the feminine side of the fence than vice versa. 

So there you go. Can't say I am not a little envious of Jenner's appearance.But then again most other women would be also. It's tough for most of us to afford the personal trainer, fashion assistant and extra surgery Jenner was "born into." 

Caitlin may have to jump out of that mirror and into the world (without the heels).

Maybe that's what a trans-i-tion is truly all about.

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

Picture compliments of Robbie Lewis, The Ohio and what I call a "trans" themed sunset.

Ker PLUNK! Another weekend edition is hitting your virtual front porch! Here on the banks of the Ohio in Cincinnati, we are enjoying a chilly, sunny fall morning with temperatures expected to rise. Perfect for a hot "cup o joe"!!!









Page One-The Week that Was - or Wasn't: By far, two events overshadowed any of my mere existence last week: the tragedy in Paris and the presentation I heard Friday from a transgender man at a "Love Must Win Inc." meeting. Both nearly beyond the power of words. The week for me marked the beginning of yet another stage of my long gender journey.

Page Two- Bureaucracy and the Trans Girl: With everything else which has been going on, I have neglected updating you all on the process of realigning my legal gender "markers" with how I am living my life. Since I do have a letter from my psychologist, stating I was "qualified" to change from a "M" to a "F" on nearly every form of legal identification I have-except here in Ohio where the best that happens to my birth certificate is an attachment is added.

What really gets to me is, I still have to have a "mental health" professional to "approve" what I have known forever. (I do know also, a physician can approve it too,)

No matter though, my Probate Court hearing is set for Dec. 23 (really!) the initial filing fee was $89.00, Then I got hit for $22.00 for a certified birth certificate, Then another $45.00 for the legal newspaper filing fee.

Page Three - Here Comes "Da Judge": It's interesting to me (and not in a good way) the judge who has to sign off on my legal name change has refused to sign same sex marriage licenses. Not unlike Kimmy "the Snake Worshiper" in Kentucky. The difference has been in Ohio they have found another way to work around him and he just lost in the election. (But still be finishing his term.) So it's all just paranoia-I hope.

Well, "Gotz" to go kids-hope you have a good week!!! Luv ya all and thanks for stopping by Cyrsti's Condo.

While My Blog Gently Weeps

In the midst of all we do in our lives - no matter where we live- it''s impossible not to be extremely saddened and angered by the senseless attacks in Paris. Let's take a moment to send extra thoughts and prayers to the survivors and families of the attack.

Here's an Idea!

Last night Liz and I went to another "safe place" meeting of "Love Must Win Inc."

The speaker of the evening was Jay - a FtM transgender person. 

Upon arriving, little did I know I was in store for one of the most inspiring and scary stories of survival I have ever heard/read of.

As you probably can infer ahead of time, his story was one of drugs -prescribed/alcohol and suicide. He was - is part of the 41% of all trans people who try killing themselves as the ultimate option. 

What I wasn't prepared for was when he said his ultimate attempt at resolving his gender struggles (and proving his femininity) was to have a child.  No military, no sports, no macho stunts - become a mother. And, in his case, in the long term the only move which kept him alive.

Wow! Thanks for the experiences. Now he is a teacher, in a happy relationship, with a good relationship with his family.

Quite the survivor.