Here's an Idea!

Last night Liz and I went to another "safe place" meeting of "Love Must Win Inc."

The speaker of the evening was Jay - a FtM transgender person. 

Upon arriving, little did I know I was in store for one of the most inspiring and scary stories of survival I have ever heard/read of.

As you probably can infer ahead of time, his story was one of drugs -prescribed/alcohol and suicide. He was - is part of the 41% of all trans people who try killing themselves as the ultimate option. 

What I wasn't prepared for was when he said his ultimate attempt at resolving his gender struggles (and proving his femininity) was to have a child.  No military, no sports, no macho stunts - become a mother. And, in his case, in the long term the only move which kept him alive.

Wow! Thanks for the experiences. Now he is a teacher, in a happy relationship, with a good relationship with his family.

Quite the survivor. 

Equal Time!

On occasion I enjoy passing along news and or pictures of female to male transsexuals.
These days there are lists of everything and a site posted their top ten hottest ftm transmen.

"Diesel" pictured to the right made an "honorable mention".
Over the years, I have mentioned my fascination with transmen.  Why in the world would they want to not be female? The answer of course is simple. They didn't feel like girls-ever.
Over the past couple years I have been fortunate to meet a couple of guys who walk the thin line between ftm transmen and "super butches". I now have a real understanding of how similar we are as we walk opposite sides of the gender fence. So different yet so alike in trying to understand why we are the way we are?
On occasion they will talk of how they have no understanding of the female psyche.
The genders really are on different levels. Not bad, not good- just different.
I passed along "Diesel's" picture as a "blue collar" transman but you can see the entire Top 10 here.
I do follow one transman's blog here, Matt Kailey's "Tranifesto".
A question I'm thinking of passing along is "It seems many more transwomen are interested in lesbian relationships with women than transmen are in relationships with gay guys? Any ideas?"

Fascinated!

I love the "Tranisfesto" Blog! Written by "Matt Kailey", his blog provides great insight into the life of a "ftm" transgendered person.
All the transgendered dynamics are the same of course but I'm fascinated with the "other" side of human nature.
What's it like to leave the sorority of women? Is it as hard to leave as it is to join?
On the flip side. How hard is it to join the fraternity?
My own opinion is that it is easier to join the fraternity. The rules are posted.  For me at least. I'm sure that ftm transmen aren't that sure that's true. Perhaps the fact that most men are very basic in likes and dislikes would make the initiation easier?
At any rate, Matt asks for opinions and gives many!
As much as we are different as transgendered individuals, we are the same.

Wow!

I don't know if this has existed for awhile or not but Go to "Shape Shifters" by Mariette Pathy Allen!
It is part of the "Forward Thinking Museum" and wonderful.
cyrsti

Transgendered Good Question?

Would less transgendered individuals go through surgery in a genderless world? Would simply being transgendered be enough?
If you could simply dress the way you desired every day, what kind of difference would it make?
I believe the "ideal" transgendered world would never exist of course but many would still go through the surgery to correct the body and mind balance.
The question is covered in depth by "Matt Kailey" in his "Transfesto".!
It was of great interest to me as I don't see surgery in my future!

Really Split Ends!

An ancient story returns once again, "Mona Lisa" was a male. Several sites have reported "Mona" was modeled after a possible Leonardo da Vinci love interest.
The claim came from Silvano Vinceti, chairman of the Italian national committee for cultural heritage. He went on to say  the Florence-born Renaissance artist's male apprentice and possible lover Salai was the main inspiration for the picture.
Nothing new here. We always knew the most intriguing women are guys!

On the flip side, have you heard of the Justin Bieber web site? Well not quite. This site is "Lesbians who look like "The Bieb's"
Here's your challenge "gf's"  A trans male who dresses as a lesbian to look like Justin Bieber. Then again, who would want too?

The "Silent T"

We have discussed the "Silent T" many times in regards to the GBLT movement. Recently, I learned a whole new definition of the "T". 
The "Ohio University Post"  ran an article about "Cory Frederick" a FtM trans person who attends OU.
In route to his gender realignment, he realized he disappeared into society as a man. ""When I underwent surgery, I lost my visibility as a queer person," Frederick said. "Others can easily identify you when you look like them. ... But now they see me as just a man." A highly desirable consequence to the great majority of transgender people but not to Frederick.
How interesting and different!
"It's important to be visible," Grey said. "What media has represented
a trans person in a positive light? Zero."
To increase visibility, Grey created the performance art piece "Ask A
Tranny," where he stands in public and answers any and all questions
about being transgender.
"Hopefully this kind of visibility leads to greater understanding and
action," he said. "It takes a squeaky wheel to get the oil."
So much for the "Stealth" route for Frederick! Good for him and women such as "Femulate" founder "Stana" who actually lectures college level groups on our culture!
Pioneers indeed! Some day I would love to do the same!

In a "Dark" State of Mind!

I had made a pledge to myself to stay red. My friends and I decided the transition from blond was good and overdue. As I have said, I love the color and all the waves of hair. All was good until last night. A bit of the devil poked her head out and whispered "Go Dark!"
I had arrived home from a very quick night out. I liked my outfit. Long boots, low cut black over the waist sweater and jeans.  I have a black leather coat that has exposed zippers that gives it just the hint of "biker".
That is when the she devil said "try the black"!
I do have a very long and wavy black hair which I have worn on occasion. I put it on last night and I loved it!
Silver over sized earrings and a black and silver necklace gave me some basic bling to go with the look. I just had a little of that wicked look and I loved it!
 OK, it's a woman's prerogative to change and you see many of women change their looks. It's part of the appeal. On the other hand, I had made a pledge to myself to stay red.
Oh well, maybe Draco will have to judge this look!

Another Look!

For a very  interesting and enlightening look into what our "trans-brothers" face head to "http://tranifesto.com/".
A reader writes: “How could one change the current climate for gay trans men in the gay male community?”

My answer: One mind at a time.

This is a continuation of last week’s Ask Matt Monday, which dealt with trans men and lesbian communities. And this is a tough one, because I think there is a different dynamic in gay male communities.

When I first started my transition, I identified as a gay man, which did not go over well with one population – gay men. The gay men who heard me speak complained that I was appropriating their identity, that I didn’t share the “gay male experience” that had shaped the lives of gay men, and that I couldn’t compare my experience to theirs.

Being opinionated, impetuous, and newly testosterone-fueled, I was slow to catch on. But I eventually realized that they were right – at least in my case. I do know some gay trans men who have been gay men since they were old enough to formulate an identity, regardless of their body configuration, but the neighborhood Barbra Streisand fan club that I started at eleven and my childhood obsession with The Wizard of Oz really don’t qualify me

It seems our tran gendered brethren face the same problems with the Male Gay community as we do!
While it's true we do not share the male gay experience per se, we do share the many of the same slights. Hopefully we will never share much of the gay male popuations' lack of compassion.

Nothing Ventured,Nothing Gained

One of the most beneficial parts of doing this blog is hearing from you!
Over the past year I have mentioned girls such as "Stana, Misty and Janie" What all three have in common is an uncommon courage to go out and live their new lives.
Recently, "Angel and Draco" have stepped forward to give us all a glimpse of their lives.
All of these persons have ventured out and have shared the experience with us.
They ventured out and gained! I understand the many of us don't have the flexibility or the circumstances to follow in the footsteps of these persons.
On the other hand, I hear so many with the well worn excuse "I don't look as good as you so I set alone in my closet".
I guarantee all of the people I have mentioned felt the way you feel at some point in their life. Very few of us have had the physical attributes to present easily as the other gender. On the other hand, there are a zillion "how to" guides to improve yourself. If you use them.
If you have the opportunity, 2011 could be the year you find your true self!

Trans Political?

As trans folk around the planet seem to be more and more in the public eye, acceptance in the gay community does not seem to maintaining the same pace. In one way or another we all have felt shunned. Some of my worst experiences have come in male gay bars where I have been flat out discriminated against. What's worse my story is not an isolated example.
What happened? In June of 1969 in NYC the "Stonewall Riots" happened. When police raided the "Stonewall Inn" the drag queens and butch lesbians fought back for the first time. All of the sudden the gay/lesbian movement in this country had a voice.
I guess it was never really clear what share of the voice trans people had or desired.The obvious was easy. Male and female gay people were easier to categorize into nice little boxes. Trans folk, male or female were not so easy to label. We were and are the round pegs trying to fit into the square holes.
As a group we were "annexed" into the movement, becoming the final letter in the "GLBT" movement. It's easy for me to say let's create this great movement of our own. The truth of the matter is that many of us blend into society and disappear. It is another version of going back into the closet but one I understand and might do myself.
In that sense, we already have succeeded in creating our own movement. Maybe the gay activists have made it easier for lawmakers to add gender equality to society's rules. Those rules then help us to build our new lives.
The bottom line is we are as different to gays as gays are to straight people. The best we can hope for are positive media examples and our own interactions in society to pave the way for understanding on our terms.
Maybe we were all expecting too much to be treated as equals in the gay community?

It's Rare!

To get a glimpse of a life as complex as ours from the other side of the mirror is a special and unique experience.
Over past month or so I've been fortunate to get to know a ftm trans person who is basically going down the same road as I.
He has started a blog which I have offered a link to here:.http://draco-learning.blogspot.com/ .
It provides a very complex view to several issues.
To be perfectly honest, his site is much more intense than mine and crosses the boundaries into the "dom" culture.
On the other hand I've been privileged to read some of his softer romantic writings. As his site grows, I'm sure he will share some of those also!

What Kind of Daughter Did Your Mama Raise?

Yes girlfriends, I'm talking about us.
Some Mom's really wanted a daughter and dressed some of us as girls. Some Mom's may have found it interesting to relate to us on some level as a girl and let us in on a little makeup or clothes. Other Mom's may have shut us out all together.
All of the mother/son interaction intrigues me because of a couple of reasons.
The first would be the simple question of why me? Did my Mom set me up for all of this? (My brother believes she did).
The second would be is how much I look like her.
How many of you believe your Mom knowingly  or even unknowingly opened your door into a female world?
I remember vividly the way my Mom blotted her lipstick and made sure the rest of her outfit was together before she went out.  I would bet you my brother doesn't!
The age old question-environment or genetics? Was I predisposed to be trans? Most likely it's a question I will never know.
Maybe the whole "daughter" question explains my total lack of respect for women who do not take care of themselves. This girl was raised believing that appearance was part of the female gender.
My Mom passed away years ago and I believe in two sure facts.
She would like the fact I try to keep up a good appearance.
She would hate the fact I'm a lot like some of the girls I brought home she didn't like!!!!!!

Walk a mile in my wing tips.

What are your ideas concerning ftm transgendered folks?
For the longest time it seemed the transgender scene was dominated by males wanting to be females.
At least one prominent theory was that women could wear men's clothes and participate in many male activities without the stigma attached to a guy dressing feminine. Girls didn't have to travel far to be guys.
All of that of course is true- but slowly many of the documentaries dealing with sexual reassignment began to focus on women wanting to become men. REAL men. Not a woman in men's clothes.
What a concept!  That idea to me is as foreign as the women I see who put absolutely no work or thought into how they look.
Trading in the soft curves and skin for a hairy face and deep voice? I don't think so!
Along the way I sat down and watched a couple of these programs and even met a couple girl/guys.
OMG (always wanted to use that) they are just like us and I'm such a geek!
They feel like guys! Pretty simple stuff.  Still, positive media coverage of any of our issues is so hard to come by.
Hopefully, the new publicity will get the men out of their "man caves" and into a place we all can understand!