The Future is Now?

For a transgender person of my age demographic, stories such as this from Yahoo News  simply are amazing.  It seems, groups of younger people are working to broaden or eliminate the whole idea of the gender spectrum.  All of the sudden, the old transexual, transgender and crossdresser hierarchy, is becoming irrevelant according to Genny Beemyn, director of the Stonewall Center at the University of Massachusetts, Amherst who recently wrote:  " the vast majority of students who identify under the trans umbrella identify in some way outside the binary, and that's really causing a shift on college campuses" .  Of course there is much more to the story from Yahoo:

OAKLAND, Calif. (AP) — The weekly meetings of Mouthing Off!, (left) a group for students at Mills College in Oakland, Calif., who identify as gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender, always start the same way. Members take turns going around the room saying their names and the personal pronouns they want others to use when referring to them — she, he or something else.

 It's an exercise that might seem superfluous given that Mills, a small and leafy liberal arts school historically referred to as the Vassar of the West, only admits women as undergraduates. Yet increasingly, the "shes" and "hers" that dominate the introductions are keeping third-person company with "they," ''ze" and other neutral alternatives meant to convey a more generous notion of gender. "Because I go to an all-women's college, a lot of people are like, 'If you don't identify as a woman, how did you get in?'" said sophomore Skylar Crownover, 19, who is president of Mouthing Off! and prefers to be mentioned as a singular they, but also answers to he. "I just tell them the application asks you to mark your sex and I did. It didn't ask me for my gender." 

Of course the transgender topic was involved too:

The nods to novel pronouns and nonconformity are an outgrowth of campaigns for gender-neutral bathrooms and housing that were aimed at making campuses more welcoming for transgender students moving from one side of the gender spectrum to the other. But as fewer young people choose to undergo sex reassignment surgery, such students are slowly being outnumbered by peers who refuse to be limited.


What's the world coming too??? A MUCH better place!   And just when you think this pronoun/language issue is getting to be a bit too complex:

Mel Goodwin, youth program director at the gay and lesbian community center in Las Vegas, said getting the hang of alternative pronouns can be tricky in conversation. Goodwin, 28, claimed they as a preferred pronoun four years ago and it took time "to unlearn what I had been taught about gender." Yet when people object to they as being grammatically incorrect, Goodwin counters that modern English is to blame and that scholars, writers and linguists have spent more than a century trying to come up with gender-neutral pronouns that stick. In public presentations, Goodwin also refers to a map that shows historic and contemporary cultures around the world that have recognized more than two genders. "This is not about young people in the U.S. over the last 20 years kind of coming out of the woodwork and making up labels that aren't real," Goodwin said. "This is a real variation among humans, period."

Well, it's time for old dinosaurs such as me to head off for my nap- feeling good about the future!

Cyrsti's Condo "Cover Girl of the Day"

From Wikipedia:


"Patricia Araujo was born into a middle-class family in Governador Island (Rio de Janeiro), Brazil, and named Felipe. At 12, Araujo kissed a classmate, Andre, inside the public school where she studied. This event generated rumours that came to the school board's attention, and Patricia was persecuted by the supervisor. Thinking that the employee's intention was only to help her, Araujo confessed she was gay. As a result she was expelled from school in 1997 whilst still in seventh grade. After the incident, Patricia confessed to her parents, Severino Araujo and stay-at-home Terezinha Araujo, both evangelicals, that she saw herself as a woman, not a man and was attracted to boys.

Her older brother, whose name she does not disclose, wanted her to be expelled from the house because of it, but her parents supported her. Patricia began to dress as a woman, and guided by a transvestite who lived near her home, began taking birth control pills to become more feminised.

Slip Sliding Away

On the Cyrsti's Condo big screen, a video MtF transition video from Asley Jones.  A classic example of one gender sliding away and a new one beginning:

Kelly Summers

I can safely say I have never ran across a video which had such a powerful effect on me. Immediately I noticed Kelly didn't have the thin "female ready" body style so many video MtF transgender women are blessed with. In addition, she wasn't very young which also adds to the ease of transition. All of that aside though, I was mesmerized with her lifestyle which in many ways mirrors what mine is - or could be. In rapid succession, I smiled and cried with Kelly. I dedicate this video to Liz...she will know what I'm feeling!


 

My First Black Friday

Before "Black Friday" exploded into it's present day shopping mania, it was the day the women I knew bonded together and attacked the malls and stores of the world searching for their favorite gift or gifts.

Of course I placed the chance of finally being able to shop the Black Friday madness as a woman very high on my "feminine bucket list".  Years ago the sun, the moon and the cross dressing stars aligned and I had my chance.  My wife worked retail and she was working and I wasn't, so I used the excuse of buying a gift for her and went "Black Friday" shopping.

I bundled up in one of my favorite over sized soft sweaters which were so in fashion, added low ankle boots, jeans and gloves and off I went into the world.

By that time, this experience was far from being my first "shopping rodeo" so I was experiencing little or no anxiety about navigating the crowd as a woman. Of course I was just doing my best to blend, shop and soak in the estrogen charged atmosphere.

I was "out and about"  for about four hours and it was time for me to head home.  As with most other experiences you fantasize about for years, Black Friday wasn't as good as I imagined but then again, all I thought it could be. The majority of the other shoppers were women and were hell bent on gift buying and could care less about any potential cross dressers or trans women in the crowd - unless I got in their way. I was able to do a little shopping, buy a few gifts and enjoy the experience.  However, similar to my thoughts about the "sanctity" of the womens rest room, I didn't see what the fuss was all about.  The same way I'm sure many women feel about male bonding and sports.

Ironically, I have never felt the need since to venture out into the shopping madness which is "Black Friday" again. I did however begin to do almost all of my Christmas shopping as a woman from that point on.

Those experiences are coming up in future posts here in Cyrsti's Condo.

Throwing the Right Switch

Lynne passed along a comment she read from a cross dresser "on line" acquaintance which I believe was worth sending along to you for your thoughts, here in Cyrsti's Condo.

I'm going to highlight a couple excerpts:

:"I am not a therapist, psychiatrist, psychologist, or any kind of expert on matters of sex and gender. However, I am, among more important things, a crossdresser.  I accept this part of me as a form of artistic expression. The art (or craft, if you like) is in being able to superficially transform into an attractive woman using fabric, pigments, and jewelry applied to a masculine body. Doing so to a feminine body is, well, not much of a challenge, is it?

It is entirely possible that visually-stimulated sexual development of males during the teen years, compounded by the plethora of confusing social inputs, can establish a crossdressing habit. I believe for most, crossdressing is a form of sexual exploration in the beginning, a way to have access to a virtual girl, if you will, to satisfy oneself. Part of this has to do with the fact that in many societies, sex is verboten among children, often well into the teen years. This makes sexual exploration very difficult, especially for boys living in a paternalistic culture where notions of virility are very important. 

Crossdressing, or playing around with frilly things belonging to mom or sisters is a way, perhaps, to explore this taboo thing called sex. Eventually, the frilly things get worn, makeup is added, etc. Doing so in secret, living in a society that will accuse a boy of being a sissy or worse, amplifies the sense that a boy is doing something wrong, and hence shame becomes a constant companion. For most men, I suspect this continues on, since memories from our formative years certainly remain, contributing to an evolving understanding of sex and relationships. 

These men may chose to suppress it due to shame or family issues, continue to push the envelope across the spectrum of fetish, or, like me, explore crossdressing as an artistic option that compliments painting, drawing, or whatever. In the latter case, the sexual connections have long disappeared, and the activity has become performance art mixed with the thrill of doing something society often thinks is deviant or wrong, even though it is not considered so among those who are enlightened. But for a minority of men, crossdressing may have revealed something about gender identity, which previously may have been latent or simply misunderstood. I cannot speak much to this, since I know nothing about it. I leave that to others more well-versed on the subject than me."

Here is where I jump back in.  I too can not speak to the numbers of cross dressers compared to, transgender / transsexual women or men.  I just know I went through the process where the sexual connections disappeared very early in my cross dressing process. Being a railroad buff, I compared it to being "switched" onto another track all together.  For years I stayed on the track for real or imagined reasons. I did suspect though, I was on the wrong track and sooner or later derail.

I did derail - or rather my life did in a big way. It had nothing to do with being a cross dresser or transgender woman.   All I do know is, in the process,  I had the best chance of my life to be "switched" onto a new gender track.  I took a deep breath, hitched up my big girl panties and bought my ticket.  Very quickly though,  I knew beyond any shadow of a doubt, I was finally where I always should have been. I will forever remember the moment of deep seated warmth and well being which enveloped me one evening.

Similar to the person who wrote the original post, I'm not an expert either, just someone who has been riding the gender rails for over a half century now.  I just happen to be semi literate enough to write about it.

If by chance, the person who did write this does stop by the Condo, I would love for you to take the credit and read more of your thoughts!

Cyrsti's Condo...Rocking Androgyny

From the Ukraine, Androgynous singer Boris April. Before and after!

Cross Phobia on CBS

Billie commented on our Cyrsti's Condo "Transphobic Make Over" post:

"We cross dressers have always been the butt of jokes .. and sometimes more! It's sad that society still does not take us seriously save for the one thing we can (and most of us) do! I ask, are we to blame in there somewhere?"

Indeed you are right Billie, cross dressers, transgender women and more have been the subject of jokes.

I think several factors are in play.  First of all, comedic drag characters have always been popular as are womanless beauty pageants.  Ha, ha, look at the funny guy in a dress.  The whole concept is just a chance for an easy gag for the writers who are too incompetent to be better.

Another factor is over the years we have created our own cross dressing charactertures. I did it myself "back in the day" going to stores and malls in short skirts and high heels.

Finally Billie, it's time to put the blame where it belongs and put a halt to all of this. No matter what I did years ago at the mall should influence creative comedic writers today. Destructive jokes and comments which damage our standing in the world have to stop, no matter who was to blame in the past.  All of us have ignored this trash too long.

Surprisingly though, this is one area each of us can be a "force of one" to effect change and  stay in the closet to do it. I hate to quote "Tricky Dick Nixon" but the greatest potential force in the crossdresser/ transgender community is the closeted  silent majority.  Think about it,  no one needs to know our motives when all of the sudden we decide "not to buy" Barilla Pasta, why we refuse to watch Mike and Molly or we quietly just don't buy the show's sponsor's products. Remember, the most effective protests are often financial.

Look at it this way too. If we don't follow the lead of the Gay and Lesbian communities and exact change from these bigots, we should be blamed!

"Gobble Time" in Cyrsti's Condo

For those of you who live in the United States it's Thanksgiving, a time to pause a bit, eat wonderful food with your family and watch football....if you are fortunate.

I am one of the fortunate ones. Later today I will be making a long ten mile round trip to my brothers for a hearty traditional Thanksgiving dinner with the family.

Ironically, my family is going through a transition too. My brother's and I's three kids have produced nine grandkids and several years ago I became the "patriarch" of the clan...yes me. I hear you thinking, "How's that working for ya' Cyrsti?"  Well it is kind of strange.  My daughter, son in law and two out of three grand kids are fully aware of what a transgender person is and I identify as one...just not today.  I'm fairly sure the rest of the family (except for the kids) at least knows I have always had a preference for women's clothes.

To the family, I'm sure I'm stuck in time. The hair I can pawn off as being an old hippie (except it's highlighted) but the effects of HRT are much harder to gloss over. Of course my skin texture has changed and as one friend of mine told me she couldn't believe is was 64.  Then said,  those "magic elixirs" I was on seemed to be working wonders. The rest of the family doesn't see me much, so I'm sure they will notice I haven't aged.

The rest is easy, loose clothes over my body, hair up under my ball hat, talk sports or politics with my nephews and ruin my diet. The person I most want to talk to about her breast job is my niece in law but I can't.

You know, I used to feel a bit guilty (or at the least a hypocrite) about not coming out in total to what's left of my family. This year though, I don't.  "Momma Karma" knows I have paid tons of dues during my transgender journey.  Coming up with a "pseudo macho" excuse to show up as a woman to prove my "trans-ness" this year just won't be an option.  Enjoying my time won't be one either!

On the other hand, I know so many of you won't be able enjoy a Thanksgiving due to any number of reasons.  It's not much but I will be sending my positive thoughts to you today! It's a tough time of the year for all too many. That is all too sad.

Cyrsti's Condo "Cover Girl of the Day"

A few humans naturally grow into genuine androgynous gender chameleons. Seemingly with with a minimum of help. A great example is male model Alexander Bekker.

Transphobic Make Over?

According to the LA Times Opinion:

“Mike and Molly” has gotten a makeover, and it’s not pretty. Billed as the “new Mike and Molly,” the show is now trying to capitalize on its star Melissa McCarthy’s breakout bawdy movie persona. The problem is that recent episodes of the show have been much in the style of “Two and a Half Men,” another of producer and writer Chuck Lorre’s shows. That is, it has amped up its derogatory jokes for laughs.

As Sue Kerr, founder and editor of the Pittsburgh Lesbian Correspondents, points out, the show’s transition into lewd humor has come at the expense of the LGBT community. For instance, in the second episode of the season, Mike takes Molly on a ride-along to help her get ideas to write a crime novel. On the ride-along, the two meet Lousette, a trans woman the characters repeatedly misgender and question about her genitals — as if that’s at all necessary to the story. We saw a hint of this so-called humor last season when the show landed in hot water with transgender advocates for using the term “shemale,” a term blogger Trish Mifflin describes as “exclusively associated with pornographic depictions of trans women.” To be called that is dehumanizing for someone who wants to be seen as a person, not a sex object.

After the incident, Kerr claims that GLAAD worked with CBS to make “Mike and Molly” more inclusive of LGBT people, or at least not overtly mock them. That clearly didn’t work out.

Chat Away Girls!

You all know I'm not the most technologically advanced transgender woman on the planet but I think I have found a way for all of you to jump in and discuss a subject here in the "Condo" between yourselves.  If you check the "comment" section, you will see that actually happened between Pat and Linda Marie.  

What I attempted to do was start my own "Google+" community under the "Cyrsti's Transgender Condo" name. If you aren't familiar, people have to apply for membership so I can keep the perves, trolls and crazies out.

I'm trying to remember to automatically add any post from here into our community room so any or all of you can comment there to me or each other. It's as close as I can come to any sort of a "comment room". At least I think the concept can work that way, if indeed the need is there.

My disclaimer is how flattered I am that some of you think I have all this knowledge of on line blogging etc. The fact I can do this at all is a tribute to how easy it is to produce a blog here in the "Blogger" format. To quote a term "So easy a cave woman can do it?"  A more important consideration is the amount of time you want and can put into a blog.  I'm a good example as well as Stana at Femulate two people I know for sure became attached at the hip to our blogs.

But I'm off topic. If any of you feel the need to check out the Google+ community, do it. To find the Cyrsti's Condo group search "transgender".  Let me know if this works or shows any promise at all! If not, that's OK too!

Thanks
Cyrsti

Tossing the "T"

Many different directions I can go with this. Maybe "testosterone", or how about "tranny"?

I have written many times here in Cyrsti's Condo how I feel about the use of the gender slur.  If you have ever read any of Parker Molloy's posts, you know she writes well and with authority  Recently, she wrote on the subject of gender slurs, primarily from the privileged group with the TGLB culture- gay cisgender males.

Here are a couple excerpts from Molloy's post:

"A common argument in favor of using "tranny" is, "But that word is just part of drag culture!" Here's my rebuttal: I don't care. "Drag culture" or not, that's not a word that's appropriate to throw around. It's a hateful slur that is often the last thing that trans women hear before being beaten or murdered. Just as it wouldn't be acceptable for me to go around using the word "f*ggot," as I'm not a gay man, it's inappropriate for gay men and male-identified drag queens to use "tranny."

and:


(In The Huffington Post) " Joe Hutcheson blogged about his evolution toward accepting the use of female pronouns and terminology -- "she," "her," and "girl" -- for male-identified gay people. That's cute and all, but some folks actually care about pronouns. If someone is going to call me "she," "her," or "girl," I want it to be because that person, you know, sees me as a woman, not because they're just so super-sassy that they say, "Pronouns and identification be damned. I'm calling you 'girl' because, um, fierce!" Do whatever you want, gay dudes, just stop doing things that harm trans people in the process. Can you manage that? It's bad enough that while trans people still struggle to use the restroom without legal repercussions, we're expected to sit quietly as marriage rights take the bulk of money donated to LGBT (more like GLb...[t]) organizations. We shouldn't have to worry about whether or not you're going to stab us in the back with words too.

 In conclusion, don't say "tranny." Just don't. It doesn't matter if you do drag, or if "it's not meant as a slur." If you are a cisgender gay man, that is not your word to use."

There is much more to read of course and you can go here to the Huffington Post to check it out.

As a side note, this happened to me several months ago when I was in a rather small local gay venue I go to every now and then:
The performing drag queens pretty much are the same and in fact one of them is a co owner of the place.  They kind of get aggravated when I really don't watch the shows often. (Seen one drag show-seen them all.) When they were taking a break between sets, one of the drag queens came by and said "glad you could get out tonight."  In my part of the world that's commonly referred to as "glad you could get all dolled up and way from your "drab" (guy) world tonight." I quickly told the queen and the bartender that I didn't have to get anywhere tonight and I live my life this way. What was I wearing? My favorite "boyfriend" jeans flip flops and a frilly tank top. It wasn't like I was doing drag. The queen was quick to stereotype me though and a chance for me to tersely lay some trans education on them. 

Cyrsti's Condo "Cover Girl of the Day!"

Our "Pre Thanksgiving Day" is cooking with the "Jersey Barbie" Kendra Maserati.

Females or Women?

Ever since I can remember, I have been fascinated with the feminine gender.  As with many of you, it's difficult to explain the deep, deep yearning I had to be a woman.  

Of course any success I have experienced in the transition process has been self taught and I wonder when I see genetic females who aren't women, I wonder why.

REALLY?

One of my pet gender ideas is "just because you are female, you aren't necessarily a woman." When I watch my daughter "interact and coach" my 13 year old granddaughter I understand why.  She is actively involved in how she stands, dresses and even does traditional feminine past times such as baking.  I'm dazzled when Ms 13 year old Math and Science wizard bakes.

On the other hand, I just don't grasp how so many females have no idea or will power to be women.  Then again, a dear friend who passed away some time ago told me it seemed to her so many women weren't teaching their daughters to be...women.

So maybe that's it. Where I live, we have an extremely high teen maternity rate. I know the stats reflect more than kids having kids and young females just being "baby makers". Self esteem and family conditions play into their lives too.

None of that takes away from the fact I don't understand why these females so easily toss chances to be women away.  Especially when I know so many transgender women who can't wait to get out of the closet and have their day in the sun.

Cyrsti's Condo "Cover Girl of the Day"

Certainly Asian transgender women may have the corner as some of the most beautiful trans women in the world.  Then again Latina women such as transsexual Daniela Marquina and others may challenge that belief.

Cyrsti's Condo "Horror Scope"

It must be the approaching comet Ison that has been disrupting my "scopes" the last couple weeks.  All of them have been predicting inner turmoil of some sort!

Libra (September 23-October 22): Be careful of what you say and how you say it to your boo, because they’ll be listening with an extra sensitive ear now. Plus, the first person they’ll go to, to dissect what you’re saying is the person that is least likely to support you. Of course, you shouldn’t have to fight the haters, but know this is a crucial week for maneuvering your mind through this madness.

For your very own "scope" go here to theFrisky and hope for better news than I have had!

Defending Our Liberty

This compelling new media series is designed to share the reality of transgender service members' lives.

It's coming to our screens this Spring 2014. Check it out on the Cyrsti's Condo big screen:

Trans Bi

Before you think I'm referring to Bi Sexual, I'm not. I'm referring to Bi Polar. 

Thank goodness, the bi-polar medical condition has come out of the closet too over recent years. It's a real deal that can be treated in most cases (like mine).  Don't quote me but I think there are many levels of being "Bi". I compare it to what we experience in the transgender community.  Some of us desire to explore the other gender by cross dressing, others desire major transsexual SRS.

If your memory is better than mine, you will remember I mentioned here in Cyrsti's Condo I was diagnosed in the 1980's as being Bi Polar.  The reason I'm bringing that up is, as I read some personal stories from different groups I'm in, I often wonder if an individual here or there may be "Bi" too.

Here's how my diagnosis happened. As a result of several episodes of cheating on my wife with myself  (See the "I'm no Angel" post) I agreed to gender counseling as an attempt to save our marriage.  Very early in the process, I told my therapist about my episodes of extreme "up's". For days on end, the skies were bluer, the music better and I could conquer the world. Conversely, the days that followed, I could barely pull myself out of bed and face the world. I felt as if I was running in sand and couldn't accomplish anything.

Without hesitation she said she doubted my "condition" was caused by gender dysphoria. More than likely I was Bi Polar. Back in those days, I thought my next stop would be heavy sedation or the "rubber room". But over the next year or so she prescribed several different medications to try and indeed found one that has worked wonders for me ever since. In fact, the medication helped stop most of the severe anger management issues I had at work which were coming close to getting me fired.

Having said all of that and again I'm speaking only for myself, when I began the process of being accepted to start HRT, my current "Bi meds" regime raised huge flags for my therapist and medical doctors.  Of course the HRT meds themselves can cause depression after the initial rush of changes to one's body. I had to sign an oath in blood I would notify them if I felt the "elevator" going down (depression) significantly and staying there.

I don't play with it and do monitor my "elevator" constantly.

My purpose of this post is information.  For the longest time I blamed any and all of my noggin issues on my gender issues and some of the blame was wrong.  Another one of my "favorites" was I was just crazy. Along the way I began to understand too a better term for me could be "eccentric".  Again I was blaming my inner boy/girl turmoil on being "crazy".  Indeed, I do encounter my share of true "crazies" on the web, I find many others who use the term more as a crutch. Being transgender does not make you crazy.

It's time to put my "shingle" back away and again my only purpose of this post was information.  If any of this happens to fit you though, maybe you should bring up your symptoms during your next visit to the therapist.

Cyrsti's Condo "Quote of the Day"

"For every man who thinks he is the lead dog, there is a woman in his life who is wagging him."

Cyrsti Hart

Cyrsti's Condo Cover Girl of the Day

Sexy transsexual Chamila Asanka... Miss Sri Lanka from the Miss International Queen Pageant 2011

Living in the Past

As much as I try to never dwell on what could have been if I had transitioned earlier in life, every once in a while the thoughts can't help but sneak in when I'm not watching.

For some reason this specific video triggered them. Check it out on the Cyrsti's Condo big screen:

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Paper"

Hard to believe another week has gone by so fast here in the Condo, as you have probably noticed,  every Sunday I'm trying to set aside a bit of time and catch us up on the week.

To begin with on our weather page, last night's wind chill temperature was a balmy four degrees Fahrenheit. Turns out my "fuzzy boots" were a good purchase!

In sports, both of my "OSU's" won yesterday. The Ohio State University and Oklahoma State University. Oklahoma State because they beat Baylor and pushed the Buckeyes upward in the national rankings.  Next week it's up to Ann Arbor, Michigan and the annual battle with the "Wolverini's"

Nationally, this week marked the 50th anniversary of the death of President John F. Kennedy.  Our tribute here resulted in several really thoughtful comments on his legacy.

Internationally last week marked TDoR, which stands for Transgender Day of Remembrance. In the "Condo" I tied the remembrance in with a reminder about our own security as transgender women and men. And Marcia Hamilton added this comment:

"You are so correct. I have only recently begun going out as myself. It was amazing the transformation I went under with regard to single men, groups of men, and being out after dark. I, like you, am now very safety conscious and do not allow myself to be in precarious situations."

Marcia I believe comments such as yours help to reinforce the ideas of personal security I was attempting to get across.  Too many people I believe take my statements with a grain of salt because I have been out in the world for a respectable space in time.  Those of you who are just getting your transition started in earnest mean more to many! I'm like your Momma jabbering away.

Also I would like to take this occasion to send my sympathies to Draco who visits here. He who lost a transgender friend to suicide this past week. So sad and even more tragic.

In the Entertainment Section, this week, I took the time to drive a bit and catch the 5th grade play my oldest grandson was in. Of course I'm biased and thought he was remarkable but even more remarkable to me is the teacher who put the play together. He makes no secret of the fact he is a very out and public gay man. Even to the point of being a performer in a local drag queen group who have raised over a million dollars for Aids. Times are a changing! Back in the day when I was in school before electric lights, we had teachers we assumed were gay but didn't dare say it.

Finally in the comments section, I would like to thank Linda Marie Daniels for her comment on the "I'm No Angel" post:  "Thanks for sharing this story. I know it must have been difficult to write."  Indeed it was Linda but it was something I felt I need to share for the benefit of all.I appreciate your feedback.

Well, I have to say this post is not going to give the Sunday "New York Times" a run for their money any time soon. At the least though, it's a chance for all of us to share the week and for me to thank all of you for stopping by Cyrsti's Condo!

Cyrsti's Condo Cover Girl of the Day

The beautiful Transsexual Kristen Taylor - Ms. Australia 2013 stops by the Condo!

TDoR and Personal Security

On occasion other issues in the news take away from the transgender community's greatest problem- death by our own hands and by others. Let's take a moment and remember this week commemorated The Transgender Day of Remembrance.

(TDOR) has become a global event held around this week each November to memorialize those who have been killed through anti-transgender violence. Since its emotional inception by Gwendolyn Ann Smith following the still unsolved murder of Rita Hester in November 1998, communities, allies and people of faith gather, often by candlelight, in solemn remembrance to read the names of those lost over the past twelve months.

What saddens and even terrifies me are the number of people in the world who think somehow transgender women and men are subhuman and disposable.

Every so often, I write a Cyrsti's Condo post containing personal security warnings for all of us.

As we transition from MtF, we do lose male privilege especially in the areas of personal security.  I have heard from a couple of Condo readers they never had male privilege to start with.  For as long as they can remember they have been bullied and abused as a man. For many more of us though, that is simply not true. I know in my case, I feel much more comfortable alone in most all public situations as a man than as a woman. More specifically, going to my car alone in a dark parking lot. In fact I don't even consider it as a woman.

Early in my transition, I held the view that somehow victims of violence or rape (Transgender or Genetic) were just in the wrong place at the wrong time-until I found myself in similar situations before I learned how dangerous this game could be.

I was lucky and removed myself from the problems before anything happened.  What I did learn was how quickly dangerous situations can threaten you as a woman.  I quickly became proactive and became extra careful where I parked and suddenly I began to notice single guys around me. Slowly and surely I developed an extra sense of where I was in relation to the world.

I know many trans women who aren't shy about taking security to a higher level by going through concealed carry weapons courses and the like. In my case I would be afraid I would shoot myself first but I understand why others would carry a weapon.

For all of us though,  TDoR needs to be a time of remembrance and a time to band together as a group for our own protection.

Finally, all you new transtioners please never take your security as a women for granted.  Chances are there could be someone watching you who isn't taking it for granted either.

Cross Dressing French Style

French women's style is legendary, even when it is a cross dresser doing it.  Check Jonathan Lambert on the Cyrsti's Condo big screen.  Passed along to me from Lynne! I have fun watching the other women watch Jonathan.  Some are amused, some like the red headed woman on the panel spent a lot of time looking at her like "you bitch" at the beginning of the video before her attention changed to watching something on the ceiling.

Cyrsti's Condo Cover Girl of the Day

The gorgeous transgender woman Isabella Santiago,

Miss Gay Venezuela 2010 stops by the Condo!

Donahue and I

"Lots O Comments" concerning the Phil Donahue/Tri Ess?/JoAnn Roberts post.

Francine's allows me to answer a good question:

"Thanks for posting this. I remember those days and later when the internet helped us all realize we were not alone. We were not crazy. By the way, How do you pronounce your first name? the spelling is different, so I have trouble."

Francine, my name is pronounced the same as "Kristi", or Christy. I just wanted to add a little "pizzazz" to it!

Paula's commented: "Yes in some ways we have come a long way, in others nothing has changed at all" Unfortunately, Paula, that is true but that show to me was a great example of the attitudes towards us "back in the day" where I lived.  Speaking only from my perspective.  I don't see that kind of ignorance and dislike anymore, thank goodness!

Finally, Mandy commented "Interestingly, I remember seeing that Donahue show when it was aired "back in the day." And, the "girl inside" has been peeking out of the closet ever since..." Mandy, I believe you speak for many here in Cyrsti's Condo and thanks for commenting!

I have commented before I'm partial to Donahue because he got his talk show start on a local TV station close to where I live (Dayton, Ohio).  I actually went to one of his shows in Dayton concerning the Vietnam War back in the late 1960's before he went national in Chicago.

Later on, one of Phil's shows focused on a former "biker" from Middletown, Ohio who basically came home, told his wife he wanted to be a woman so he cut his beard and off they went to K-Mart for makeup. She was one of the first transsexual guests I remember him having and of course she was much different than the Tri-Ess cross dressers.

I'm trying to find the video clip of her but basically she transitioned into a relatively shy long blond haired "good ol girl" which are so prevalent in my part of the world. The word was, she used to frequent a gay bar in Monroe, Ohio which I had been to a couple of times but I never saw her.

Another episode which stands out in my mind is this interview with an 18 year old Angie Roberts who now claims to go by  Angelina Roberts:

The Day the Music Died

For the majority of you Cyrsti's Condo readers who live in the United States, you would have to be living in a cave to not know this week marks the 50th anniversary of the assassination of John F. Kennedy.

I was a newly minted 14 year old wandering the halls of the school I attended when the news came across the public address system. The day turned out to the first of two (so far) in my life, when time stood still. The other of course was the 9/11 attack.

My first thought was assassination?   What the hell happened and wasn't that just something you read about in history books and not a modern reality?

Well, as the coming years were to prove, the term was going to become all to common. It's not up to me to dwell on the charisma and leadership Kennedy brought to our country or the idea Kennedy was perhaps the last President to be totally claimed by two completely diverse generations.  My parents, because he was a hero in their war (WWII) and a hero to mine because he inspired us to be proud of who we were as a country.  We backed down the Russians, were going to the moon and established a radical idea like the Peace Corps to help other less fortunate countries. Plus lets not forget his wife Jackie whose style and grace seemed to elevate his charisma to another level or the sexy, mesmerizing Marilyn Monroe "Mr President"  birthday song which quickly erased all thoughts of Jackie's style.

So quickly, the era was over and with all due respects to Don McLean and his "American Pie" classic song, JFK's death was the day the music died. Vice President Lyndon Johnson took over and with him any hopes of me not visiting Southeast Asia with him.  All of the sudden our government was not inspiring anyone except with handouts and a totally ridiculous war.  The pressure got to be so much LBJ bailed and "Tricky Dick Nixon" stepped in.  The antithesis of JFK in many ways Nixon stepped into the presidency in 1968, the same year as the assassinations of Robert Kennedy and Martin Luther King Jr. Finally let's not forget the fall of 1970 when the music really did begin to die along with Jimi Hendrix and Janis Joplin.

Certainly, John F. Kennedy benefits from being frozen in time. We will never know what directions our country would have taken and I'm certainly not smart enough to speculate.  In my life though, November 22, 1963 was the day the music died. Somewhere deep down inside, I knew it.


 

What Came First?

Or maybe I should say, what should come first, FFS or SRS assuming you are like many and can't afford to drain your 401K and savings and head to Thailand?

In a couple of many chance encounters I have had recently on this enormous thing called the internet,  peeps have bemoaned the fact they went through SRS but then in the next sentence said they were booking FFS as soon as they could.

I guess it's just me, but I think I would reverse the process and do he FFS first and do a bit of living as a woman and then consider gender reassignment surgery.  Then again I think too many transgender women consider SRS the end of the gender journey when indeed it's just the beginning.

I have no idea if the transgender woman featured on this Cyrsti's Condo big screen video has gone through the change but she definitely did go through the facial surgery.  One way or another, she does have the benefit of a body which lends itself to the gender change.

I'm no Angel

Look I'm old and human.  Recently it occurred to me I have been guilty of passing along most all of the good times of my transition years and none of the bad ones. I have decided for a moment to change all that. It is time to look back at a few of the times I flat out lied or operated on the "down low" to get out the door as a cross dresser and into the world. Well, actually more than a "few" times, I did it for years and I'm not proud of how I did it.

As cross dressers go back then or now I had it good. My wife was super agreeable to me living one day a week as a woman and it was fine with her for me to get a hotel room and cross dress then hit the world as a woman. Every couple of months or so we would even go out as two women. Well of course I felt if one day was good, wouldn't three be better? The more I tasted of life as a woman, the more I wanted and just didn't have the courage to do the right thing and tell her. I wanted her badly as my wife but not bad enough not to cheat on her with myself. The lines were drawn in the sand. She would accept me as a cross dresser but we would part as friends if I wanted to go farther.

Cheating was tough but far from impossible I found. For many years before her death, my wife worked as a retail store manager. A couple nights a week she closed the store, which meant she wouldn't be home until around midnight.  If by chance I wasn't working a night on the same day, I was planning immediately how I was going to get out of the house, past the neighbors and spend the evening as a woman.  In order to do it I had to make up a story about where I was, what I was doing and have all traces of makeup off my face by the time she got home. All of the sudden, my one day a week out as a woman became three.  I was quickly learning the ropes but paying a very high internal price.

It was excruciatingly tough.  I hate people who I can't trust for whatever reason and here I was at the top of my own list.

I can go on and on about the less than stellar "adventures" I had but this one is as good a place as any to start with.  In the mid 1980's I was opening a chain of restaurants along the Ohio River and ended up living in the Marietta/Parkersburg West Virginia area for awhile.  On my days off when she was working I began to get dressed up and doing the grocery shopping etc. My wife would see the groceries but had no idea of how I was dressed when I bought them.

This was working well and I was even doing a fair job of negotiating society as a woman until, by pure accident one day I ended up walking right by her boss in a parking lot. The problem was he was very familiar with me as a guy.  He didn't flinch a bit and showed no recognition so I thought I dodged a bullet. All was good until about a week later my wife mentioned him talking about this "big redhead" he saw recently in a parking lot.  She knew of course I had a red wig and there was some sort of possibility if he said "a big red headed cross dresser",  the dots would be easy to connect. On that occasion, I was able to talk my way out of it until about a month later.  She got off early one day and we passed each other on the highway heading to our house.

From that point on, she had no problem knowing who the "big redhead" was driving that day and I was in for a week of deserved hell. Yet again I had to decide between a relationship I cherished and my woman within. The proverbial "rock and the hard place." The decision this time involved an agreement to go to counseling. The therapist did a good job.  Bottom line was my "girl" wasn't going away but unless I could control her effect on the marriage, my wife would. I didn't have to hide her away in a closet but then again I couldn't let her have her own way.

I can make excuses and say I wasn't totally sure of what I thought my gender solution should be but I had a pretty good idea and was afraid to face it. I didn't have the courage to follow what I knew was true all the time. I was more female than I dared admit to myself.

This was one of the times of my life when my persistence overcame any common sense I was rumored to have.  I pushed on and achieved success in my work and for the most part concealed who I really was. Calling it torture would be a bit much but severe internal turmoil and tearing would be very accurate. Looking back, I'm sure all the self destructive actions I took were just a way to sink myself and end the madness.

Of course I know I can't go back and reverse any of my lies and sneaking. The only thing I can do is write about them. One of the reasons I am is I'm fairly sure some people think I have led this "charmed" life as a pre transgender cross dresser. Or, for some reason I don't understand those of you who are stuck in the closet.

Obviously, I have been there and did the closet thing.  It's true, once I started to open the door,  the good did out do the bad. To not mention the bad all though would be as wrong as doing it in the first place.

Replacing a lie with silence doesn't make it right.

Cyrsti's Condo Featured Trans Woman of the Day

There is no way I could simply call Veronique Renard our Cyrsti's Condo Cover Girl of the day.  She is so much more!

Read on! (From Wikipedia)

"Véronique Françoise Caroline Renard (born 26 May 1965 in Jutphaas, the Netherlands) is a Dutch author and visual artist. She is also known as Pantau, a name that was adopted after meeting the Dalai Lama at an audience at his home in McLeodganj, Dharamsala, India in 2000.


In 1982, at the age of 17, Renard transitioned to being a trans woman with the support of her family, friends and people in her hometown. Renard's mother renamed her Véronique. In 1983, Renard was granted permission by a court in Utrecht to change her legal name, she added her second name Françoise (after her best friend), and third name Caroline (after Caroline Cossey, a British model who appeared in the 1981 James Bond-film For Your Eyes Only with Roger Moore).

Initially unaware of the phenomenon of transsexualism and gender reassignment surgery (GRS), Renard conveyed in her 2007 memoir that the international media attention around Cossey in 1982 regarding her transition helped Renard to self-diagnose her own gender dysphoria. The day after reading about Cossey in a Dutch tabloid, Renard consulted her doctor and shortly after, the Amsterdam Gender Team. Renard was diagnosed with Klinefelter's syndrome, having 47 chromosones (XXY). Females have an XX chromosomal makeup, and males an XY. Renard started hormone replacement therapy soon after. She completed her physical transition 18 months later in 1984."

As a side note, for some reason the picture of Veronique in the bikini took me back to yet another Cleveland, Ohio Tri-Ess meeting I attended so many years ago.  One of the main "gossips" of the evening centered around a member who wasn't there who was reported to be so accomplished that she could wear a bikini to the beach with no problems. She was also "rumored" to have been on the verge of "going all the way" and transitioning into a full time woman. But the story went on she had found the love of her life, an understanding genetic woman and now she had put her decision on hold. Plus there was another very accomplished and attractive "participant" at the meetings who for all intents and purposes put the rest of us to shame in the looks department. The last time I saw her at a meeting, she too was telling everyone she had met a genetic woman and was "hanging up the dresses."

I have always wondered what happened to the two of them. Were they actually able to "pull back" from the transition brink and lead lives as guys?  More than likely I will never know but I have theories.  I believe whatever gender switch is thrown in our noggins can never be turned completely off.  Of course how far the switch is thrown, say from cross dresser to transsexual sex change does vary. But in one way or another the "urge" is always there.

Speaking Of "Tri-Ess"

If you are a bit younger, check this vintage (circa 1989) Phil Donahue video with Tri Ess cross dressers on the Cyrsti's Condo big screen, JoAnn went on to be an influential member of the transgender community and was a founding partner of the Transgender Forum.  She passed away in June of 2013 but "TG Forum" is still going strong.

This video does give an idea of how far we have come thanks to people like these who were brave enough to step out of their closets and educate the world.

Rocking the Denim Style!

I have told the story many times around here in Cyrsti's Condo of when I was taken to task years ago for wearing slacks and/or jeans to my early Tri-Ess meetings.  Why would I wear pants when I could wear them the rest of my life?

The fact of the matter was, I liked what I wore and was still too new into my style process to understand totally why. These days I've come to a "Boho-Tomboy old Hippie" style to describe me. I know it sounds kind of a loose "tossed together" style but actually I know exactly what I want to wear.

Of course denim fits in exactly and I do I have two or three pairs of favorite jeans plus a pair of denim leggings. Recently I found an example to pass along to you from "Just Fab" called "Real Women Denim."  Of course as with any other fashion style I see, my primary concern is if I can adapt it to my body style.

Here's an example.  My denim leggings are very close to the style on the right. I'm fortunate enough that HRT is just beginning to give me a basic feminine shape in my hip/butt area.  I wear the leggings with a long sweater which drapes over my hips and a pair of slouch boots. Similar to the ones shown to the left..

My goal is to minimize my large upper torso and bring more attention to my hips and thighs which I consider is a plus for me. I have also seen quite a few women do the same look with a long blouse rather than a sweater. I also love to add a bright color fuzzy scarf for fun.

The look also works for me in other ways too.  First it's a comfortable style which can be sort of dressed up or down slightly. Plus,  since I'm increasingly seeing the same peeps on a routine basis I can't be wearing the same thing continually but want to stay within my style parameters. Different sweaters, skinny jeans and a couple other pairs of leggings and I have increased my wardrobe dramatically without killing my budget.

Such is life for a transgender gal trying to make up for years of lost time!

Finally!

I think I finally replied to all the comments on the posts involved.

I thank you all so much!

Also thanks for stopping by Cyrsti's Condo.

I'm humbled and flattered! You all are the best!

Cyrsti

Dragging Out the Trans Girl?

Some time ago here in Cyrsti's Condo I wrote about a surprising, semi enlightening experience when I did drag one night at a gay venue.

I look back at the experience and compare it with what genetic women experience on Halloween.  The bewitching parties allow women to sex it up in costumes they don't see as proper any other time. I felt the same way when I was in drag with the big hair, the slit skirt way up my thigh and the low cut top. Needless to say, you wouldn't catch me dressed like that in the real world today!

My problem is I have fought long and hard not to be labeled as a drag queen, so I don't want to ruin my "transgender citizenship" in one evening.  On the positive side, I have mentioned many times I don't frequent gay venues often and I'm not a regular in any of them. So it's not like the next time I came not in drag, I would still be labeled as a queen there forever. I wouldn't have to worry that someone would spot me and say Cyrsti isn't transgender at all.

Since we are all friends here in the Condo, I will let you in on a little secret. One of my fondest dreams is getting busted in drag for taking unfair advantage of the queens since I have been on HRT. (Kind of like getting kicked off "Rude Paul's" Drag Race.)  Wouldn't that be neat and totally unreachable but I said it was a dream!  Hey! No one ever accused me of not having an imagination!

The main problem is if you want to run with the queens, they have a huge attention to detail and know if you aren't wearing four pairs of hose to cover leg hair and/or some of your developing curves are real. Or you don't have any arm hair and your nails are yours. They know you are not going home and take off the makeup and be a guy again. But again, I think it's a fabulous way to break the monotony of life and go play in a situation many of us grew up in.

After all, there is no pressure.  we all know the best looking women in a gay venue aren't women at all. Sometimes getting all dressed up in your best drag is a great way to compare yourself with the best and have some fun doing it!

Cyrsti's Condo Cover Girl!

Today's featured Cover Girl is Pavel Arambula:

Act Like you have Been There.

Transition 101 basic:  "Act like you've been there."

Easier said than done when you are trying to negotiate the world as a transgender woman or man, or a cross dresser exploring life out of the closet.

If someone refuses to admit how terrified they were in the public eye, "me thinks" they may be fibbing.

I was so scared along the way, I thought I was going to have to carry an oxygen tank as a fashion accessory for use if I fainted from fear.

One of the key transition terms I blocked from my thoughts early in the process was the idea, "I was trying to fool anyone.  I was dressed as a woman therefore I was.  I also was helped when I  made the conscious decision to know being accepted as a transgender woman was good enough and maybe as far as I would ever get.

Of course there were more than a few hurdles to navigate.  The first was the appearance factor I already mentioned. The second was knowing human beings are predators and would pick up any "blood in the water". I would be noticed  more if I gave the impression I was doing anything wrong. Even when I was whispered about and even laughed at, I somehow, someway  learned to take a deep breath and move on.

It just takes awhile for those of us who have lived in our birth genders for any length of time to accomplish one of the most difficult of all human tasks - transitioning into our chosen gender. One of the most amusing comments I read is "I won't go out in public as a woman until I am very attractive." I quickly think they never will get out of the closet.

Most of you Cyrsti's Condo regular visitors know the rest of the story.  I "acted" like I had been in society as a trans woman until I owned doing it. To this day though,  I still have the old fears of ghosts from cross dressing past coming back to haunt me. They are a tough crowd!

Finally, unless you are one of the many people who are much smarter than me, the only way I know to transition your gender in the world is to do it. When you do, you won't have to act like you've been there. You have!

Cyrsti's Condo's Feature Photo of the Day

Fernanda Brown:   (before and after)  

 And below which speaks for itself!

Gender and Sexuality

"Nikki Sinclaire" , Britain’s first transsexual parliamentarian, has revealed how she became a lesbian after a brutal rape on a London street.

Sounds like just another headline sensationalized to attract readers and it is, except for one key phrase.  The headline comes from The Herald Sun News:

"Sinclaire, a Member of the European Parliament (MEP), was born a boy but had gender reassignment surgery in 1995 at the age of 23. Until then she lived as a gay man and even after the operation she continued to date men. But in 1999 she was attacked walking home in central London. “My arm was gripped and my leg kicked. I gasped, overbalanced and landed painfully with a suffocating weight on top of me.

 “It was the most horrendous experience of my life. I had grown up in London but I felt so vulnerable.” Following her sex change she found herself being attracted to women. But why would she go to the trouble of surgery if in the end she was going to date women? She told the paper: “That’s mixing gender with sexuality. I’ll admit that at the time I didn’t know if I could cope with being gay again - I wanted to live an ordinary life.” 

Sinclaire said she had her first lesbian experience after meeting a woman at a bar in Liverpool. “We were playing pool and got speaking. One thing led to another, which is unusual in the lesbian community. It was a wow moment, the best sex I’d had in my life.” In the aftermath of the rape she became “very anti-men” and after one more sexual encounter with a man which she said didn’t feel right, she began dating women full-time."

The true worth of the story is how she mentions to the world that gender and sexuality are different and shouldn't be mixed.  It's one of the main misconceptions the world has of the transgender world and beyond- into our own culture. I've seen statements from transsexual women doubting the sincerity of any transgender woman who may still be attracted to genetic women. Really?

Of all the people in the world, trans women and men should be able to understand completely the difference in gender and sexuality brought up in Nikki Sinclaire's story.

Cyrsti's Condo "Horror Scope"

I had to check this scope twice to see if I wasn't looking at last weeks.  It is the latest and in a rut:


Libra  "(September 23-October 22): There will be many miscommunications happening between you and your baby, but it’s not that you can’t see eye to eye — it’s more about how you express yourself. Yes, blame semantics, and take a new approach, as it’ll be more like a pissing contest where whoever is the loudest and most raw wins."


OK, I admit it, expressing myself has been an issue over the years of my life and truly when I was a guy, communicating could be excused away.  Not so easy now as a transgender woman!

Check your own "scope" from theFrisky here.

The CIA Wakes Up?

Have you seen the story, for the first time in the agency's history, nearly half the CIA is female.  Now, five out of the eight top positions in the CIA are occupied by women -- including the job of Deputy Director.

I'm not one to beat the problems of "male privilege" into the ground but the CIA and the spy business has to be a great example of needing a woman's view. Women aren't perfect in figuring out why men do things but they are real close. Plus women are each other's worst critic which speaks well for added benefits to the system.

I'm biased of course but if there was ever a place where a woman's basic intuitive instincts are needed is in the CIA.  The spy agency's next step would be to hire true hybrid transgender women and men who have ideas of both sides of the gender fence.

Victoria Carioni

Enjoy transgender beauty Victoria Carioni here in Cyrsti's Condo:

Sunday Evening in Cyrsti's Condo

Normally I try to answer all the mail around here and tidy up my thoughts over a cup o joe here on Sunday morning.

This week I was gone for a couple days and hightailed it back home just ahead of a huge storm which battered the Midwestern United States.

So now it's time to sit down and catch up with all of you.

Other than the time spent with my girlfriend, I had the most fun not packing any male clothes at all.  The week I had playing with the stereotypical  male tasks such as electric and plumbing was erased this weekend. Nothing really amazing happened except what the weather did to my hair after I washed it last night and just let it air dry. Today I have all this wonderful wild reddish wavy hair.

Looking back, to comments from last week, Pat commented on the "Mommies Little Girl" post:

"The question of environment or genetics is tough. I suspect it is a combination of both and the fact that in my case my mother was treated with heavy doses of estrogen and perhaps DES during her pregnancy with me. Women of that generation took pride in their feminine appearance, their housekeeping, their cooking, etc. They were survivors of the depression and WWII. They counted their blessings and had an appreciation of the values that they saw around them in the post WWII era."

Thanks Pat, for mentioning DES as the pregnancy drug's name I can never remember!  As I mentioned in the post, estrogen or DES baths in the womb were certainly better than the alternative of not being in this dimension at all. As the children of the "Greatest Generation" we did have a real dbl edge sword of values versus understanding from our parents.  Interestingly, until I was watching a JFK special recently, I didn't realize Kennedy was the generational president of many of the WWII vets.  After his death, they quickly faded into Nixon's "Silent Majority".

Enough of history already.  These days I wonder if kids of both genders are at the least pushed to the middle of the spectrum because of all the medications and hormones they are exposed to from day one-or before in the womb.

At the least the future should be brighter for all of them as the transgender youth of the world are beginning to write their own public story, out of the shadows of stealth.

Thanks for the comment Pat, I marvel at how our pasts intermingle and have to think many others do too. I just can't figure out which hormone in the womb made you a Yankee fan? Maybe "A-Rodgen?".

A Transgender Duet

Some time ago on the Cyrsti's Condo big screen, I presented a video by a transgender woman artist by the name of Kayhar.  She set her MtF transition photos to her music and it made a wonderful presentation. Her latest effort is even more impressive as she sings a duet with her former male self:

Tyra Scott- Sexual Hybrid?

You may want to put the kids to bed as this is one of the few "adult rated" posts you will see in Cyrsti's Condo.  I'm passing it along because the story actually goes past Tyra Scott just being a transsexual adult performer.

She discusses connections with the everyday transgender community, why she is still "pre opt" and what her life was like growing up.





From the Daily Loaf

in Tampa, Florida:


(Tyra Scott) : "Straight men are traditionally the most intolerant of the transgender community. Straight men are also the primary consumers of transsexual porn. This is why adult tube sites pepper clips of transsexuals in with other, "straight" offerings. These companies know that, behind closed doors, many straight men sample transsexual porn. In this way, ts performers have become X-rated ambassadors of the transgender community.

The more comfortable straight men become masturbating in private to these performers, the more tolerant they will be in public of the transgender community. Not only do these rogue performers represent the transgender community, they also embody the rainbow of diversity that exists in human sexuality and gender. In an effort to better understand this increasingly popular form of erotica, as well as the GLBT community as a whole."

So now, you don't have to be so critical of your friends watching porn! They are learning the attraction of sexual hybrids! Like so many of you I'm sure you view this with distaste. Not because so much because of content but once again we trans women are being portrayed in exactly the wrong light.  The same problems genetic women face.

At the least,  interesting ideas and you can follow the link above for more.

Birthday Dreams 2011

This is another Cyrsti's Condo archive post from my birthday in 2011, which turned out to be quite the day and gives all of you a glimpse into my life a couple years ago.  As I look back I thought, "Has it only been two years ago?"

Today had to be my best birthday ever! My third visit to the VA therapist seeking a hormone permission letter was late in the afternoon. As I got ready to meet my daughter for a birthday breakfast, I received a text from a long time female friend who I have progressively come out to over the past couple months. She wished me a good birthday and a positive trip to the "Doc" which meant a lot!

My breakfast with my daughter was very different. Almost immediately she asked me if I knew one of the performers in one of the top drag queen acts in the area. They are known as the "Rubi Girls" based out of Dayton, Ohio. As it turns out I had seen their act (impressive) and actually knew one of the performer's employees. As surprising as this was, more surprising was the fact I was having the conversation with her at all. The rest of the breakfast was equally as good and I'm still not sure how I did so well in the daughter department.

On to the therapist appointment. We exchanged the usual "how's life" questions before I asked the magic question: "what reservations did she have about writing a permission letter?" She didn't hestitate and said she expected the question and pulled a file folder off her desk The folder contained the "Harry Benjamin Gender Dysphoria Care Standards". As we went through the highlights it seemed I met most all of the criteria. (I'm not exactly sure anyone but Harry understood them all.) She was very positive and said she would like to take one more step before writing the letter. The step was a final consultation about me with a very experienced gender specialist in Columbus. Ironically she is the same person I went to for help over 20 years ago. I know "nothing is over until it's over" but I'm cautiously optimistic I will have the letter in two weeks at my next visit.

My last (but far from least) stop of the day was a lite dinner date with a GF down in Cincinnati. Without getting too personal, it was a wonderful ending to a special day. On the trip home I was going pinch myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming but I have a real aversion to pain and just made sure I wasn't driving up I-75 in a dream. I can guarantee you I-75 between Dayton and Cincinnati, Ohio is no place to be dreaming behind the wheel and I wasn't. The day was all so real and so wonderful!"

WOW I was busy!

Sammy!

MtF transition magic Sammy style on the Cyrsti's Condo big screen:

The "Jezebel" Within Me.

Just what is a "Jezebel" and what does she have to do with me? According to Wikipedia, Jezebel was a princess, identified in the Hebrew Book of Kings as the daughter of Ethbaal, King of Tyre (Phoenicia) and the wife of Ahab, king of north Israel.

To make a long history short, she was the "anti good girl" and don't we all have a bit of her in us? Transgender or genetic?

As I transition, I do wonder on occasion how much of Jezebel I do have and how much the mix would have been if I had spent my entire life as a genetic woman. I know, a total waste of thought but then again a fun one. I think my first true experience with "Jezzies" was back in the 8th grade. I went to a fairly small conservative rural school from kindergarten through the 9th grade with primarily the same set of kids.

Of course as we were getting into the 7th and 8th grades, the hormones were starting to stir and a group of Jezebels appeared.  These were the girls who took a definite delight in wearing too much makeup along with overly tight sweaters and overly short skirts to school. To this day, I wondered what it would have been like to be one of them.

Of course I would have had to perfect any number of ways to get around my Mom who would have not let me out of the house that way.  Later though after I heard stories from my very conservative second wife detailing how school outfits could be "jazzed" up, the process wouldn't have been that tough. She did simple things such as smuggling makeup to put on and take off later. Plus she would roll her the skirt up to show more leg and even hid different shoes in a plastic bag down the street.  Not unlike the secret stash of girl things I hid away. I laughed at her when she said she couldn't figure out why more guys all of the sudden wanted to eat lunch with her. Really?

So, as I fast forward to today a bit of "Jezzie" is alive and well within me.  I will forever miss the chance to have been one of the teasing girls in the eight grade and even an ultra attractive young woman today. On the positive side though, to be able to experience what I can of a feminine life is to be cherished.  Interestingly when my Jezzie mixes in with my past life all sorts of neat things can happen. I see and understand so much more such as how a guy feels when he is mixed in with a group of women - entertaining them with jokes or stories and why the women watch him and each other so intently.

The sad part to all of this is the inability for so many transgender women and men to be able to enjoy the transition process when and if it happens. The tragic part is when society throws up so many roadblocks to the process too.

I'm aware we scare people too.  Many aren't secure of their place in the gender world to even come close to accepting a transgender person who they think may know more than their share of the process.  God forbid if we would use our enormous power to harm the world.

The fun part is though, even at my advance age, I can still let my "Jezzie" out on occasion with a top which is cut a little too low or eye makeup which is a little too smokey. Plus Jez loves my hair which is way too long for a woman my age.

I love it when she gets her way!

Before I forget it, I'm passing along a link to a site called Jezebel which of course I love. I'm also going to add their link to our Cyrsti's Condo Beauty Nook page.

WiggingOut

Approximately a year and a half ago, I was able to take the HUGE step of leaving my wigs behind and going public with my own hair.

To this day I believe be able to do just that was one of the biggest positives I could ever do to improve my overall presentation as a woman - which doesn't explain a random thought which invaded my noggin this morning.

All of the sudden I felt a huge wave of wig nostalgia. I can only guess at the reasons plus I know genetic women wear wigs too of course.

I quickly considered the chilly temps and the fact wigs were extremely uncomfortable for me to wear on a hot summer day or maybe I just wanted to change up my look for a bit. Another "perk" of being a woman.

I really doubt if I will wig out and pull out my giant plastic tub of my old wigs and wear them in public. I may however have a fun mirror game someday.

If you are curious at all, here in Cyrsti's Condo I do have a "Timeline Picture Page" which describes my trips through different colors and styles of wigs in the past.

Perhaps the most accepted wig by the public was this one I wore in the picture on the right. This was taken about 3 months before I went "wigless".  My top fun story (of several) with this wig was when I was at a drag show and one of the drag queens came up to me and said, "I love your wig".  I simply said,"How do you know it is one?"

The problem with this wig was I had an incredible tough time with the hair line, which may have been partially due to me taking scissors to it over the years.  It started life being incredibly thick and I thinned it over the years to make it cooler and more passable.  It was this wig which was along for the ride in my first days of being able to go sleeveless and the sensations on my bare back were nothing less than heavenly!

These days, my own hair is probably about three fourths as long as this one and has much more wave to it.

Certainly soon I will have to have some fun and play "dress up" in my own room.

The Cult of Hysteria

Every once in a while or I read about someone who has started HRT and wonders if the female hormones running through the body will dramatically affect all parts of their life.  When they come home now will it be time to fix dinner, clean the house and pretty much settle in to making someone a good wife.

Of course you may take on that role but I'm fairly sure there is no scientific evidence low "T" and high "E" are causing transgender women everywhere scurrying for their aprons and cookbooks.

On the other hand, I'm beginning to think that my hormonal changes are becoming deeper than the obvious physical changes, hot flashes and the ability to cry.

When I started HRT, I was determined to let nature run it's course and not allow various stereotypes to cloud my judgement.  I was tired of reading too many stories from people I thought were trying too hard to be a girl.  Right or wrong, more than a couple of the common themes didn't sit right with me, like HRT causing an immediate love of everything feminine all the way to the image of "pristine" women's rooms when I kept sitting in other women's pee as I sat down on the toilet.  But you know, that is just me and who really cares what I think?

Since I do hold the power of the written word around here though and are truthfully not as bitchy as I seem sometimes, here is what I do think.

First, if you were predetermined to be the housewife type before HRT, you certainly will be afterwards.  The more our inner woman is allowed to grow, the more amazing is the process.  If you take me for example, I never minded doing the cooking but I am a self professed terrible house keeper.  No amount of HRT is ever going to change that.

A fair amount of HRT is changing my emotional makeup though.  I found I really have no control now of my tears.  I can cry because I'm sad or melancholy or even happy and found tears were only the beginning of changes.  Imagine my shock when all of the sudden I wanted Humphrey Bogart or Clark Gable to look into my eyes and sweep me away in a classic movie scene. Where did that come from?

My newest "revelation" is I'm more "high strung" than I have ever been in my life.  Call it what you want but now I deal with more paranoia and emotional hang ups than ever before in my life. Yes, I call it hysteria.  I always felt women carried their fair share of it and yes, I now have my own and it's not the most pleasant side of transition I have experienced.

All in all though, I know this is what I signed up for and every blind corner I face comes with it's own set of new challenges. Some good, some not so good. I'm easy though (not cheap), don't make me a hysterical housekeeper and give me a shot at Humphrey Bogart in a classic movie- I'll be fine!

 

Cyrsti's Condo Archive Post: "Mommies' Little Girl"

This is actually from 2010 and was reposted in 2012 and has always been received well, so here we go again. It was actually called, "What Kind of Daughter Did Your Mom Want?"

This picture was from the end of
my "blond period" about 5 years ago
and was only taken as a response to
those "who wanted to see more of me"
As you can see the quality is terrible.

"Yes girlfriends, I'm talking about us. Some Mom's really wanted a daughter and dressed some of us as girls. Some Mom's may have found it interesting to relate to us on some level as a girl and let us in on a little makeup or clothes. Other Mom's may have shut us out all together.

All of the mother/son interaction intrigues me because of a couple of reasons. The first would be the simple question of why me? Did my Mom set me up for all of this? (My brother believes she did). The second would be is how much I look like her. How many of you believe your Mom knowingly or even unknowingly opened your door into a female world? I remember vividly the way my Mom blotted her lipstick and made sure the rest of her outfit was together before she went out. I would bet you my brother doesn't!

 The age old question-environment or genetics? Was I predisposed to be trans? Most likely it's a question I will never know. (Update! Perhaps the DES drug my Mom very well could have taken during her pregnancy could been the answer.) Maybe the whole "daughter" question explains my total lack of respect for women who do not take care of themselves. This girl was raised believing that appearance was part of the female gender.

My Mom passed away years ago and I believe in two sure facts. She would like the fact I try to keep up a good appearance. She would hate the fact I'm a lot like some of the girls I brought home she didn't like and live a very wide open lifestyle. Neither Mom or me or even my daughter are shy women."

Getting into the "Act"!

I have always been a huge fan of Australia's drag super star Courtney Act and why not?  Here she is on the Cyrsti's Condo big screen:

Transsexual Sports Fans

Years ago I thought as I made the migration from one gender to another, certain parts of my male past would have to be left behind.  One of the bigger ones was my love for sports. As it turned out, I was worrying needlessly about what I was going to pack for my trip and sports were included.

Over the years, I have written endlessly about the experience, beginning with the choice to continue my passion for sports at all - to my first trips as a woman at professional sporting events. First of all, I was being a huge dummy to start with. I looked around at all the other genetic women I knew who were huge sports fans and decided to count me in.

Without going into tons of boring details, being a woman sports fan is different.  From the dynamics of how passionate I really was,  all the way to how much I was supposed to know all was different to me. Especially when I found myself in a conversation with a man.  Being the bitch I am at times, I did have a couple fun times watch a guy dig a hole for himself as I laid in wait for him to screw up. All in fun of course!

Somewhat, in the same vein, I ran across this story from across the pond called "Travels of a transsexual football fan" by Juliet Jacques.  The situation is a classic example of finding yourself in a potentially embarrassing situation and how she negotiated it.

Go here to read it.

Order Your Trans Barbie Now!

Not really, at least not here.  But in the meantime, the best I can do is this "Trans Barbie" video on the Cyrsti's Condo big screen: