Cyrsti's Condo

Educating "civilians" is an intregal part of my existence on occasion. One of those occasions was last night. A group of three men and one woman were sitting close to me. I knew very quickly they knew I was trans and heard a few of the not so complimentary quotes. Typically, when something like this happens I will just stay.  If they don't like me that is their problem. My rule is if I don't cause any problems for the place I'm in, I'm OK. In a short period of time, both the woman in the group and I had to use the restroom. As we washed up she was playing with her hair and said nothing. We left and went back to our seats. In a shorter period of time she switched her seat to the empty one beside me and the questions started. The usual ones. What gender am I. Why do I live like this etc. No problem. I attempted to explain a gender fluid existence and the fact I was more female than male between the ears. She then shifted the conversation into wanting to se

As narcissistic and selfish as it may sound, I have fallen in love with that woman in the mirror who is me. As with most quick relationships, love turned to lust and then to reality. As reality set in and my sorority membership started to become validated, my image became more complex. As the same people saw me in the same situation multiple times, I was restricted in how I could change hair colors for example. I have said it myself. Change is so much a part of a woman's looks. She can cut, dye and extend her hair. I found  I could do the same...by accident. I've told the story of my two dark hairstyles which are the same length. One is wavy and the other is very straight. Without hesitation I learned to tell inquisitive women my hair was naturally wavy which I didn't like and I have it straightened. Knowing full well most women never like their hair the way it is. My many trips to wig stores over the years even provided me with yet another alternative. I have a short v

One of few remaining cis-female long term friends I have has been pushing me to meet with her.  "I need to talk to you!" is the quote. I like her a lot...she is one of the few women I know who shares much of the same life experience (non gender related). In addition, she is very quick intellectually and we share the same off the wall sense of humor. I almost got out of guy drag and let her meet my real self nearly a year ago and didn't. I'm considering meeting her as me in a pub I've gone to in guy drag for at least 25+ years. I just don't know if all are ready for the "coming out party"!

This article says it all. From the " China Post " news about one the best transgendered beauty pageants in the world!

Check this ad from a Christian dating site... You have to read the fine print which says "The Lord looks at the heart. Not the outward appearance." No, I haven't joined to see if they mean it!!!!!

Perhaps you do too! She writes a fabulous blog called "Femulate" If you follow the link here to " Transition Wisely " you will read about her reaction to an e-mail that showed up on her doorstep. As luck would have it, I received an equally intriguing one today,. Mine was called " Girls Skin Care in a Boy's World." from "The Frisky" site I subsribe to!

How sad is it we have to read again and again the story of a transgendered person being beat up or worse yet killed. "But by the grace of God go I", I have only been personally close to a couple dangerous situations. Two factors play into my success (knock on wood).  I learned (almost the hard way) not to be in a late, dark and isolated place by myself one night. A lesson a cis-woman learned from page two or three of her "girl guide". Out of an alley two guys approached me and asked for money. I actually got out of the situation because I was trans and a 5 dollar "tip". Haven't been back since. Lesson learned. The second factor does play into the violence aspect of the recent victims. Each of them...all of them decided at some point to not go back to a certain point of their gender existence.  Be it school, work or restroom, they all decided to live their life the way they needed to live it. The decision ultimately hurt them. The fortunate ones got

The saddest part of my day  is when I unhook my bra and get into my guy drag. Over my experiments on the dating sites many ask me... do I live as a guy too? I used to say yes. Now I quote a line from one our readers here. No, I live as a female and get dressed in guy drag to work. How profound and worth sharing again!

As soon as my decimated "DSL" service was restored (could be the serious rain and storms) I read the two comments to the "Female Bigot" post. Thanks! I guess I just wanted to add my thoughts on transgendered people and their spouses or partners. Obviously I can only speak to the mtf side. During the 25 years of marriage I experienced before my wife passed away, she slowly saw the man she married start to fade away. She knew from day one. I liked to dress in women's clothing. People told me I look good as a woman. Indirectly, she is the one who taught me that was only the beginning. She indeed loved me and made me more of a decent human being than I could have ever achieved on my own. In the process, she even enabled me to develop my female side. The trip was mostly hell with a bit of heaven mixed in. I always tried to imagine if the shoe was on the other foot? How would I feel like living with a guy? Wow! some kind of question!!!! The answer of course was n

Remember good old " Phil Donahue "? Phil actually helped the transgendered cause greatly. For the first time ever, he approached the topic with a sense of realism not sensationalism. In addition to my obvious interest in the subject, I always enjoyed the audience reaction. From indignant refusal to accept to starry eyed stares, Phil's cameras caught them all. Entering a room full of mixed individuals at a drag show is not unlike being on the Donahue stage.  Many sets of eyes are on you. You are connected with the stage performers if you want to or not.. At many shows, the best looking women in the room aren't women at all. In my younger days, I used to say "I could run with the queens". High heels and a skirt up to you know where was great fun.  In my "cougar" years my attempt at displaying female sexuality is much more subdued. At the show I found all was not lost. As I surveyed the room looking for my friend, I did notice a couple sets of &qu

I really loved the drag show I was invited to recently by a close friend and reader of the blog. Inadvertently my friend showed me what all the fuss has been about all these years. I always wondered why the women I was with became agitated when I looked at another woman.Impossible for a guy. One of the performers really was impressive in a short denim mini and boots and a tight top. So impressive my friend was intently enjoying the show and I felt at first a little left out. Then I started to think "I have that outfit...those boots" would I get the same attention? A quick no! I don't look as good. Then I started to think this was just another initiation into the sorority of women. Thanks my friend! If it matters she did look great in the skirt and boots!

Every once in a while I dazzle myself with how fast I pick up on a female idea or action. Other times I mentally slap myself for days about how slow I am. One of the "magic chair" occupants the other night was a big girl I've seen a couple times in the places I go. I have appreciated she sort of "goes over the top" with her style. Last night maybe a little to much with the over the knee black suede boots and a frilly very short, tight and low cut dress. Maybe not quite the outfit for a predominantly male drinking crowd. When she sat down next to me, I thought she would say something to me. She didn't and moved down to the middle of the bar a short time later. For the briefest moment of "bitchdom" I thought why would I want to talk her? The way she looked? Then I thought "wait a moment idiot girl" both of you are the real sisters in the crowd. She was trying her best to attract a guy. I was doing my best to exist female in the crowd.

Indirectly, this topic led to me getting kicked out of yet another "Yahoo" group.  The wife of one of the moderators of the site took offense to my use of the term "female bigot". She was especially harsh with her criticism of another member's view of "becoming" a female. You all know my feelings on the subject. No one can make the physical transition from male to female completely now.  Big things like a uterus, ovaries and such stand in the way  She thought.a trans woman could never know what it is really to be female. She would have been correct if she had used it in context that no one knows what it is to be another. She is wrong in that you can accept and learn the female role. I asked if she was a female bigot? Was there some reason in her mind a trans woman couldn't feel and be a complete female (except for the obvious)? The fact is I have met several happy well adjusted trans girls that are more femme than most genetic girls. Never kno

Last night I ran into an old friend I hadn't seen for awhile.(cis-female) We exchanged hugs and pleasantries and chatted along about life. For some reason she asked how I was really doing The answer that flowed effortlessly surprised even me,although I had given it much thought. I simply said "I'm tired of being a male in any part of my life. Once I figure out the financial considerations. I'm done." As I said, I obviously have given this considerable thought but really had never vocalized it to myself or anyone. It was very therapeutic! Perhaps I knew it all along but was afraid to face the girl in the mirror.Maybe her feminine intuition knew it way before me! We finished the conversation with a brief discussion of the risk of hormones and surgery (which at the time I don't feel a real need for except in the breast department) and went on our ways. It was very nice to see her and again and even nicer to hear from my "soul girl"! Under a who

I recently read a couple great discussions on  blogs I follow concerning the male to female life transition.. I started by reading "Stana's" review on her " Femulate "  blog. On a personal level, I consider my life experiences as a girl as a transition.  I believe I've mentioned I have not pursued hormones or surgery yet. I have aggressively pursued nourishing my female thoughts and actions. I guess it's the classic "what came first" question the mental or physical transition. I'm very fortunate to have been able to mimic a woman physically in my life.  I've found that is the easy part. Over the years I've seen so many guys become the prettiest girls in the room to just become more miserable. Pretty is just the physical manifestation of being a girl. I consider my interaction and acceptance in the public as a true sign of transition. When and if I embark on hormones or any sort of surgery. I certainly don't want to be the b

Sensory satisfaction plays a huge role in my transgendered life. In fact, being transgendered just sort of fades away. Apply what label you want (transvestite, crossdresser or transsexual), the sensual female experience is amazing. Number three on my list is sound. As I was finishing my grocery shopping last night, I was acutely aware of the click of my heels.  This morning, the soft sound of my flip flops on the floor of the kitchen just made me feel a little more feminine. Number two is scent. My own personal choice for years has been a vanilla body spray. The spray just gives me a light hint of scent when I move. I spray a touch into my hair which furthers the effect. Number one of course is sight. From the soft swell of my breasts  to  long hair flowing over my shoulders and down my back provides deep satisfaction.  Toss in my manicured (stick on) nails and a couple fun rings on my fingers and I think you know the rest. Much of this could be a reverse manifestation of my male l

I've been working not so diligently on a "how to" book for guys who want to be girls. You are right...yet another book? My take on most of the guides I see are that they are written by individuals who were beautiful boys to start with. They didn't face the same obstacles presenting female as some of us. Different paths exist to arrive at the same goal. My path was different than theirs,,,no surprise. As I was writing, I started to think of the addiction versus personality argument.  Was my desire to be a girl always as strong as ii is now or was the desire fueled by successes?  How did I get from the first rush of pulling hose over my legs to the obsessive attention to (girl) detail I have today. I will never know. In addition I will never know if I was as much girl then as I am now. It is easy to say "yes, I was". Then again, were the times I was called attractive  or "you make a better looking woman" defining moments that pushed me deeper? E

From her "Bio"...'Bralalalala is a widely acknowledged talented rock singer and songwriter first and foremost. However, the fact she has lived as a transgender/crossdress/TS/TV whatever her whole life has uprooted her from society and family. Bralalalala's wealthy family has refused to see her since she was in college as a result of her beauty harming their eyes. Bralalalala appeared on national television ABC in 2000, termed a "rock star" on ABC's "Moral Court," yet was told "he" had no business to not expect to be faced with discrimination for being trans DESPITE having musical talent galore.' I found her to be interesting in that I had never heard of her over the years and the " Bralalalala " site reads like a third party Hollywood bio!

Quite by accident I stumbled upon yet another transgendered blog on the world wide web. " The Transgender Express" . The blog is written by a young transgendered woman named "Annika". Here is a little of her intro: I’m still in the beginning stages of a long and rewarding process. I try to avoid looking at too many transition time lines that I find online. It makes me feel like a child counting down the days until her next birthday. I can’t fast-forward time — so blogging about my experiences is much healthier and more productive. I hope to provide periodic updates on my transition here on Autostraddle, as well as reflections on how my girlfriend and I are losing the heteronormative privilege that we had taken for granted for most of our relationship. I have no idea about what’s to come in the months ahead, but I do know that I’m no longer filled with dread when imagining my future. One thing is certain– I won’t be invited to the annual frat alumni gol

I love the " Tranisfesto " Blog! Written by "Matt Kailey", his blog provides great insight into the life of a "ftm" transgendered person. All the transgendered dynamics are the same of course but I'm fascinated with the "other" side of human nature. What's it like to leave the sorority of women? Is it as hard to leave as it is to join? On the flip side. How hard is it to join the fraternity? My own opinion is that it is easier to join the fraternity. The rules are posted.  For me at least. I'm sure that ftm transmen aren't that sure that's true. Perhaps the fact that most men are very basic in likes and dislikes would make the initiation easier? At any rate, Matt asks for opinions and gives many! As much as we are different as transgendered individuals, we are the same.

No short skirts, no tight jeans not even a mention of hair or makeup! None the less, this style is an important to us as the first three. This style is a guide to how reporters should write about us from the "AP". "Transgender-Use the pronoun preferred by the individuals who have acquired the physical characteristics of the opposite sex or present themselves in a way that does not correspond with their sex at birth. If that preference is not expressed, use the pronoun consistent with the way the individuals live publicly." I'm thinking of writing this down on a card to pass out to people in times of confusion. The card would have come in handy last week when the pronouns were changing faster than the spring weather in Ohio. I went from he to she to Cyrsti in a 15 minute period with two women. My problem is I view my situation as increasingly "normal" and I overlook or am amused by those that don't. Utilizing a "card" to inform ot

Trivia question...How many times have I have been called " a chick" by another woman? Once that I know of, Last night. I was lucky and got a seat before the other six or so trivia competitors arrived and asked for their game consoles. I was also lucky when I knew more answers than normal, a fact not lost on the couple beside me. The woman just couldn't get over how I knew all those answers.  For once I was able to put together a soft presentable voice and kept saying "it wasn't knowledge it was luck" Emboldened by her liberal use of the "she" word with me, I even kind of flirted with a single guy who sat down next to me for a quick drink. I figured it was time to go when a couple behind me was trying to get my attention. (Never a good thing) While I was paying I overheard the woman next to me say to someone on her phone "the chick next to me is leaving, now I have a chance to win." The couple behind me? Wanted to tell me I had somet

I really try to stay a short distance of my home for most of my social activities. Far enough away to preclude chance encounters with people I really didn't want to see. Perhaps you remember my post from a New Years Day emergency visit to a local grocery when  two cashiers recognized me. I used to feel confident my two persona's would not be recognized. Until that day. I know now, women can track me because of my eyes. (They have told me) Men of course aren't that observant or intuitive. Last night I met a friend close to home and as we chatted, a guy across the bar bought me a drink As I looked to see who it was, I recognized him as a guy I know by name. A quick consult with my genuine grade "A" female mentor brought back the answer. Women usually never return the drink favor. Just "smile and say thank you:" was the answer. I of course followed that advice, finished my drink and took off. In most instances, I never really have a definitive answer o

This post speaks volumes about a "silent" group in our community...the mostly hetero group of cross-dressers. The great majority of us either occupy the cross-dresser category or may have passed through it. Many of our own community look down on them. From " Diversity Guides.com " comes a lengthy read. Here are some highlights: "Cross-dressers are like bisexuals. They are allegedly in the majority of their minority communities (transgender and non-heterosexual, respectively) but no one knows who they are. Many people generally assume that gay men make up the bulk of cross-dressers, which is probably true in the area of entertainment, but not in everyday life. Heterosexual women who cross-dress are usually referred to as "stylish." Many lesbians who cross-dress are often referred to as "butch." These gay women also face workplace discrimination, but their numbers are fewer, and they get much less amused attention than their heter

One of the strongest female experiences most of us have totally missed out on in our lives is the whole wedding process. Most women are preoccupied with the process from youth to middle age, when they are mothers of the bride or groom. "The girls at " Fabulous after 40 " started my thought processes! From the wedding dress itself to the bridesmaid dresses (every woman seems to complain about) I've been fascinated with the process.  The closest I've ever came to the event was an invitation  to a "bachlorette party"...kind of. The invite was extended as a "nice" gesture more than a serious one and I was "nice" enough to not accept. I shouldn't have been that nice! The strip club they went to alone would have been an experience of a lifetime! Too late now. I don't spend much time crying over spilled perfume. You know as well as I do the multitude of web sites, bridal shows, magazines and reality television shows that deal with

From " GaySocialLifes.Com ". A transsexual mayor? "She is real, outspoken and ready to shake things up. She is a party girl, a girl of fashion, a nightlife personality and a prominent member of the NYC scene. She is a true Gay Socialite , ‘fierceness personified’. She is a transsexual who loves the city she has called her own for two decades. Her name: Tiana Reeves. She is real, outspoken and ready to shake things up. She is a party girl, a girl of fashion, a nightlife personality and a prominent member of the NYC scene. . She is a transsexual who loves the city she has called her own for two decades."  I really don't know her politics. Just running for mayor in the publicity capital of the world would have to be good for our cause!

A real improvement! In Britain, Transsexual Flight Lieutenant "Ian Holdum", is transforming himself into a woman called "Ayla". Nothing really special about that except "Ayla" is receiving an invitation to the upcoming royal wedding. It seems Ian was a member of the group the Prince joined following his training as a helicopter pilot. The officer was among 1,000 guests to get an invitation last month. The unit is a tight knit search and rescue group which Prince William was part of. The quote was "Ayla is just another member of the crew - so why shouldn't she be there? There was no way William could exclude any individuals of the crew." A great story! But now, what will she wear? **Note.-Ian has been married for three years and has said she plans to continue the marriage. I just wonder if the wife had any idea of just how much better this guy looks as a woman?

Scanning the vast mass of inane e-mail messages I receive, I noticed a "free" offer from one of the "major" dating sites. Of course I looked at it out of curiosity. That's just me! I had heard a while ago this site had added gay/lesbian possibilities. I thought maybe transgendered too? Didn't take me long to find out. Under the who is seeking whom, the usual choices. "Man seeking woman, man seeking man" you know the rest. Well, as always I fit into none of these categories. Very used to that! I also knew that nothing is really free on these sites. So I went on with my life. Once again though, our transgendered group was not an option. At the least they could have another listing for "I rather not say" or even "mixed." I even went to a gay and lesbian site called "Chemistry" and couldn't find a transgendered category. Yes, I know places exist for transgendered people but most are sleezy at best. Unfortunately,

I don't know if this has existed for awhile or not but Go to " Shape Shifters " by Mariette Pathy Allen! It is part of the "Forward Thinking Museum" and wonderful. cyrsti