Tuesday, November 29, 2011

A Picture Is Worth A Thousnad Words!

I find this striking picture of an illegal Mexican transgender woman to be almost haunting in it's portrayal of her. I see a powerful yet painful femininity enhanced with the kids in the photo.
The photo credit comes from the AP and Isabel Castro.
"Castro" is working on a documentary that will share the tale of three transgender women from Mexico who fled to Los Angeles. “Crossing Over” focuses on Francis Murillo, Brenda Gonzalez and Abigail Madariaga. All three come from rural areas of Mexico and suffered physical, emotional and sexual abuse at the hands of family, friends and police because they are transgender.
The story comes from "The Stamford Connecticut Main Street Connect".
I was so overpowered by the picture, reading much of the article was almost anticlimactic.


The day finally arrived and I made it unharmed and on time to my doctors appointment.
I had to calm myself down and make sure I would be able to ask all the questions I wanted to. If you are new to the blog, the "Doc" I'm referring to is the medical doctor who is advising and prescribing  my female hormones.
My basic questions concerned how fast changes would occur and how much control would I have over it.
As it turned out, I really didn't have to ask very many questions at all. I had heard this doctor was very experienced with transgendered hormone therapy and it showed!
First of all he asked me a couple basic questions. How long and how much had I lived a female existence and how far did I want to go?
I told him I was still living a dual gendered existence but not for long. Within a month I would be severing my last ties to living as a man when I quit my job.
Ultimately, I don't see major sex reassignment surgery in my future but do feel the need to further feminize my body and emotions with hormones.
At this point he told me what the process would and could be if I chose to follow it.  He would prescribe me estrogen and a testosterone reducer. He recommended a slow and steady dose of both to let me "grow" into the changes. At the same time,  he told me how much of a dosage would quicken the process and how much of a dosage would be "toxic" to me if I abuse it.
The slower process appeals to me. After all I have spent many years getting to this point, so why push it now.
Of course I wondered how long the slower process would take to produce what sort of results.
This is what he said. The best breast development he had ever seen was a full "B" cup. (Genetics play a factor I hear and my Mom was well endowed.) Of course my body hair will thin as will my beard. Conversly the thick head of hair I'm already blessed with should get thicker. Finally, over the space of a year I should begin to experience the fat deposits which will give me more feminine hips, skin tone and a lessening of my muscle mass.
Having said all of this, your results may vary!
A whole other story is how all this fits in with the VA. More on that later as it is still unfolding.
Those closest to me have asked how I feel? The answer is it is a surreal feeling to have made it to this point. Perhaps the toughest part is staying grounded as I let the process play out.

Monday, November 28, 2011

New Transgender Documentary on the Way

There is a brand new documentary is in the works which could be another plus for the transgender community. From the web site here's the promo. This is my first attempt to upload a video to the blog and it should load for you below. It takes longer to load  than I would like but is worth the wait!
"TRANS is an extraordinary documentary feature about men and women, and all the variations in between. It is about the Transgender Community, perhaps the most misunderstood and mistreated minority in America and around the world.

Inspired by the incredible story of Dr. Christine McGinn and her work as a transgender surgeon, TRANS provides an up-close and very personal vision into the lives, loves, and challenges of a remarkable cast of characters of all ages and from all walks of life.

Stories of confusion and courage, excitement and emotion that have never been told, until now.

To anyone who has ever looked in a mirror and wondered, 'who they really are?'

TRANS ask another question, 'are you brave enough to find out?'"
Trans (Demo Reel) from The Film Collaborative on Vimeo.

Sunday, November 27, 2011

A Good Woman

A good transgendered woman is one that pays forward.
From "The San Francisco Chronicle" comes the story of a transgendered survivor helping others.
"Despite being a star student, Mia Tu Mutch is amazed she survived high school.
Facing bullying from her classmates, constant thoughts of suicide, rejection from her Southern Baptist parents, and the very real prospect of ending up permanently homeless, she clung to any reason to keep living.
"Every day I would say, 'I'm not going to kill myself today. I have a test tomorrow,' " Mia says.
Mia is transgender. She became homeless at a young age, but unlike most teens in her position, she was able to pull herself out of it.

Check the link above to read more of her amazing and courageous story. 

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Must See Transgender Television

From "The Advocate":

Oprah's TV network, OWN, is premiering two new documentary specials on Sunday: Being Chaz (the follow up to Chaz Bono's award winning, Becoming Chaz, from last year) and I Am Jazz: A Family in Transition. The latter, stars Jazz, an 11-year-old transgender girl, her three siblings, friends and parents, as they navigate the world with a gender-variant kid and grapple with the possibility of hormone blocking therapy as she reaches puberty. Director Jen Stocks' doc is an engaging, heartwarming, and moving look at a trans kid. With her parent's support, Jazz has been living as a girl since she was a toddler.

Highlights from a Quiet Week.

Thanksgiving came and went as so many in the past  I'm very fortunate my family has always gotten along well. As I sat and visited with crowd I thought about this could very well be my last Thanksgiving with them as a guy. I didn't pause long or give it too much thought because next year is such a long way off.  To jump off the Thanksgiving bridge now makes no sense. I have many other bridges to jump off of!!!!
Unfortunately I was under the weather most of the week so my life was very quiet until the weekend when I got a text from my daughter at her first drag show.
What a awkward yet wonderful moment. The best part is she wants to go with me to her next one.
Tomorrow morning is the long awaited, once put off visit to the hormone doc. The appointment I couldn't get to a couple weeks ago, seems like months!
As always, I will keep you all updated!

So...You Want to be a Girl?

I recently posted this on " Hub Pages".  The idea is one we have shared here so I thought I would bring it back.
"Yes I'm a transgendered male who wants to be a woman. The idea is as natural to me as it is foreign to you. You see I was born male but live female most of the time. I can't even begin to consider what a life in one gender would be like. I am transgendered.
I used to envy the majority of human beings who were born exclusively into one gender. A boy always knew he was a boy and a girl always knew she was a girl..Right? How easy that must be! No gender struggles with society, peer groups, family and friends.
How does it feel to always feel secure in public as a man or a woman, never having to worry about being exposed?
Think of the money and extra time I would have saved if I had never felt the need to not be what I was born to be
What deep obsession led me down a path most of you will never understand? If I could tell you in a thousand words or less, I would have a chance at some obscure "Nobel" prize. The only fact I can tell you is I feel the need to cross into my non birth gender as much as you feel the need not to. Does it make any sense I don't understand you as much as you don't understand me?
I do understand both of us will probably never understand why and that is perfectly fine. The problem is when you don't understand and try to hurt me. Hurt can be applied in many forms. The worst of course is physical. At times, a beating is the easy way out and death is the harshest punishment administered. Just for a lack of understanding.
Hurt can also come in small yet effective doses. I've grown used to the stares and side glances. The hurt never goes away when I hear the nasty little comments or hear the giggles. All of that too I've learned to live with, it's part of the territory and try as I might I try to not think of your imperfections such as weight or appearance.
Think of my dilemma this way. When you developed your gender identity, it was difficult enough to find your way. Your path was lit however. At the least you knew you were a boy or girl. You had role models and maybe even mentors who helped show you the way to becoming a man or a woman. You weren't on the outside looking in.
Understand I'm not looking for your sympathy. For what reason I was put on my path as sure as you were put on yours. I'm only seeking standard human acceptance. I'm no better or worse than you. In fact I'm the same.
The only benefit I may have is a better understanding of you. The pain and suffering of crossing the gender border has not left me unscathed. I have learned the hard way bits and pieces of what makes both genders operate. Ironically that very understanding makes some of you afraid of me. Somehow you feel I have no right to be in your world even though I'm not. Just crossing public paths shopping, eating or whatever does not put me in your world and I have no super sneaky bad intentions! I am not using my knowledge of both genders to fool you or hurt you in any way. In fact the opposite is true! I crave your acceptance of my true gender.
So, I wanted to be a girl and finally came to accept my transgender status as sure as you accepted yours.
Now I have to accept the fact most of us will never understand each other's gender journey and that's fine. Surely in this great big world we can find room for one another. You do have the edge however. When you see me for who I am, my life finally becomes complete."

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Looking for a Transgender Therapist?

Check this blog "Walking in Two Worlds: A Trans Therapist 's Journey" if you are searching or thinking of searching for a therapist who has transgendered experience.
The author is "Sherri Lynne" who is not only a psychotherapist but a trannsexual  woman too.
The post is rather lengthy but is very informational and well done.
I don't really know how my VA therapist was assigned to me but I feel very lucky she was.
I was intrigued by two of "Sherri Lynne's" ideas in particular.
The first was her estimate of the number of transsexuals in our society today. She used the number of patients she sees and roughly compared the number to the population within a four hour radius of her practice. She came to the conclusion transgender and or transsexual individuals equal the number of gay people in out society.
I believe her. Business is so good for the doctor I'm going to for hormone therapy that he is closing his family practice, adding a partner and seeing only transgender, gay and lesbian patients.
Her other idea was a use of the drug called "D.E.S.". If you were born between 1938 and 1971 there is a good chance your mother was given the drug during her pregnancy. Of course there is no concrete proof but "D.E.S."has possible  links to higher instances of transgender or transsexual children.
If true at all, you may have had less control over your gender choices than  previously thought.
As I said, if you are considering seeking out a therapist-this is a must read!

Transgender "Two Spirit" World

One of my favorite topics and one I still haven't researched as much as I like; is the status and relationships transgendered individuals carried on in ancient cultures. Specifically Native American.
The "she wired" site  posted a Thanksgiving article reminding us the holiday is not a day of celebration for Native Americans but a day of mourning. In many ways Thanksgiving 1621 was the beginning of persecution and genocide for the numerous tribes.
The "Reverend Irene Moore" went on to remember the role of "two spirited" transgender individuals in the native cultures and how the culture changed:
"Homophobia is not indigenous to Native American culture. Rather, it is one of the many devastating effects of colonization and Christian missionaries that today Two-Spirits may be respected within one tribe yet ostracized in another.
"Homophobia was taught to us as a component of Western education and religion," Navajo anthropologist Wesley Thomas has written. "We were presented with an entirely new set of taboos, which did not correspond to our own models and which focused on sexual behavior rather than the intricate roles Two-Spirit people played. As a result of this misrepresentation, our nations no longer accepted us as they once had."
Traditionally, Two-Spirits symbolized Native Americans' acceptance and celebration of diverse gender expressions and sexual identities. They were revered as inherently sacred because they possessed and manifested both feminine and masculine spiritual qualities that were believed to bestow upon them a "universal knowledge" and special spiritual connectedness with the "Great Spirit." Although the term was coined in the early 1990s, historically Two-Spirits depicted transgender Native Americans. Today, the term has come to also include lesbian, gay, bisexual, and intersex Native Americans.

How unfortunate we weren't influenced more by the ancient cultures. How much easier would life have been?

Just a Girl

Bring It On, the popular 2000
comedy film about cheerleaders starring Kirsten Dunst, Eliza Dushku
and Jesse Bradford, has arrived on stage and is currently touring the
I know you are saying so?
One reason is "Gregory Haney".

and saying this: On "The Edge"

Just a girl...Looking like this:

EDGE: The show sounds like so much fun. Can you talk about how you landed the role of La Cienega?

Gregory Haney: I originally auditioned in LA and then I moved back to New York and they were still looking for the part and so I got invited to another audition for it and I kind of went all out for it. I remember I was at my friend’s house on 44th (in Manhattan) and I walked to 43rd in full costume. I went in and sang and I read and had a little chitchat with all the creatives and that was it. It was less than 20 minutes.

EDGE: In looking at your credits, is this the first transgender role that you’ve done?

Gregory Haney: It was! I have never played a girl.

EDGE: Is La Cienega transitioning woman to man or man to woman?

Gregory Haney: I know in the breakdown of the character before the audition it said transgender woman but I think in the "Bring It On" world she’s just a girl. You don’t ever see her as a boy, she’s not a drag queen...she’s a woman, a girl.

We should all be as lucky!!!!
If you are wondering, I don't think Haney's role was in the original movie.

Making a Transgender Difference in the UK

"Sarah Brown's" expereinces are all too familiar.
In Europe's "Pink News" she talked of being Cambridge's Councillor and the country's only out transgender official.
She said: “I have experienced three types of discrimination – transphobia, homophobia and misogyny”.
“Since the transition to live as female I’m suddenly a second-class citizen. Suddenly my personal space was invaded and I started getting men touching me and being groped on the Tube.
“All this stuff I had not experienced before. I have also had complete strangers coming up asking me questions about my genitals which is completely rude.”
Sound familiar?

"Ms Brown, who ranked 28th on the Independent on Sunday’s Pink List, making her the UK’s most influential trans person, entered into a civil partnership in 2009.
But she had to file for divorce from her then wife, Sylvia Knight, before they could become civil partners after her transition.
“When we were in court in Cambridge getting divorced we had to sort of convince ourselves what we were doing. However we came out holding hands and crying.
“We developed an understanding together and were interested in each other as people.”

Her attitude says it all:
The 53-year-old said: “I want to raise the profile of trans-genders,
lesbians and gays.
“We are pretty marginalised. Society is more accepting of gays than
transgenders. I want to bring people out of the shadows.
“There are 14 and 15-year-olds out there who are scared to be who they
really are because they fear being picked on.
“I’ve been there. I know what it feels like – and attitudes need to change.”
Good "stuff"! Follow the link for more on the story.

Is It A Man's World?

Personally (with my transgender bias set aside), I've felt it is a man's world-but women run it.
I'm sure you've heard the "behind every good man there is a better woman" comment. How true.
The female gender at it finest nutures, loves and makes a male whole.  At the same time, from childhood girls sit back and watch the boys in their own world. Some react with shyness, interaction or even amusement.
Over the past several months I've watched and learned how women interact in their own circle until a man comes enters it. A light goes on and their attention changes  immediately. It's innately what most females do.
I've even experienced the feeling myself during my very limited experience with men. When a woman I knew came close on a night I was with a man, quick exchanges were made.  Eye contact was the primary form of communication. "How's it going?" came through loud and clear with no words spoken and the man none the wiser.
So yes, it was his world and rightfully so because he made me feel comfortable in it. Hopefully, I returned the favor.
A true gender "give and take".  Both worlds came together and life was good. Certainly my dual gender status didn't hurt the process and attempting to understand process from the feminine perspective helped. As I've mentioned before though, I was surprised how natural the process was.
Perhaps I was subconciously making notes in my mind all along.
I realized  the world really does belong to a woman. She is noticed and scrutinized by both genders and her emtional base alone makes her more in tune to the people around her.
I feel the internal changes such as this are more important than outward appearances. It certainly explains partially why I've known men who have gone through the sex reassignment process and....are still men.
Of course the pain of jumping from one gender world has been intense on occasion. Every now and then though, dual membership has it's advantages and makes me a better person. At least that's the goal!

Womanless Beauty Pageant?

The casual observer would certainly not call this a womanless beauty pageant. Perhaps a "womanless at birth" pageant would be a better title.
At any rate this collection of beauties competed recently in Los Angeles.  Here is the winning contestant and you can view a couple more pix are in the "Picture Gallery"
If you weren't in the audience at Circus Disco in Los Angeles on November 6th, it's very likely you weren't aware that Daniela Sanchez, competing as Miss Mexico, became the 38th recipient of the Queen of the Universe crown.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

The Other Side Of Transgender Thai

We all see and enjoy the beautiful Thai transgender women in beauty pageants and other public events but what about the "everyday" transsexual Thai woman. The woman who goes to work everyday and just lives her life.
From the "Phuket News" comes a story about the "other side" of the Katoey culture in Thailand.
"Katoey are born, raised and registered in the Kingdom of Thailand. They are, and have been, an integral part of Thai society dating back to at least the Rattanakosin period in the 18th century. However, in the mainstream psyche, katoey are placed on the the fringes of the Thai social fabric.

Loud, aggressive and violent are all stereotypes associated with the transgender community, especially in Patong – a classic case of "one rotten apple spoils the whole barrel".

However, there are "good apples" that have chosen a different path, but not without adversity.

Toedsak "Gai" Kaipraiwan, 30, (pictured on the left) earned a bachelor’s degree from a university in Sakon Nakhon, her home province in Northeastern Thailand (Isarn). "Gai faced many job related obstacles before working as a transgender consultant in a clinic.
"Um at work"
Not all transgenders have struggled with finding the right job.

"Tintinarn "Um" Homroskla is a 23-year-old Phuketian with a degree in business administration from a local vocational college.

"I started working as a cashier at a store in Phuket International Airport as soon as I graduated. I was 18 years old," Um said.

"I had no problem getting the job and I got along fine with my colleagues. Even though there was nothing exciting about my job, it was my plan to start from something small and work my way up.

Um moved from cashier to sales agent at a housing estate to receptionist at a spa and now is the manager of Andaman Power Organization, a local non-governmental organization working directly with the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transsexual (LGBT) community in Phuket.
Two great examples of two of many transgendered women in Thailand who have established themselves in lives they were destined to live.
Follow the link above for the full story.

An Interesting Transsexual "Before"

Italian movie star Giuseppe Schisano to change sex and be called 'Vittoria' .

This will be one transition that will be interesting to watch! I'm thinking her eyes and lips will be sexy!


"Wass Up? Update

Following a brief break, I plan to turn up the heat again before we make it to the first of the year.
My reschedule with the actual doctor who can prescribe hormones (and is well respected) is next Monday.
Then I've figured out the two people I can contact to see if the VA will at least pay for the hormones themselves.
I have until the middle of December before I see the psychologist again. By that time I will know for sure if I will need Plans B thru X.
Shortly after that changing employment to begin transition is planned and possible.
Of course any plan is just that...a plan and we all know there will be many surprises ahead!
Stay tuned!

A Time For Thanks?

In a day or so it is Thanksgiving in my world.  I say that because I know a percentage of our community here on the blog doesn't live in the United States. As the "old school" girl I am, I'm flattered, humbled and dazzled by the world wide web.
It's a time of the year when families get together to eat too much turkey and watch more football.
Unfortunately it is also the time of the year when many of our transgendered sisters and brothers are ostracized by critical families.
My two fave girls and I have talked about this being my last appearance as the "patriarch" of my immediate family  Over the past five years or so our family has become bottom heavy with grandkids and yes I became the oldest person in the family.
While I could never picture myself as a "matriarch", obviously I will be quite different in a year.
How will this work?
I have written before of my brothers probable knowledge of my gender situation and my daughter preparing her family but there is a whole other level of family on my brother's side.
My decision is to not jump off any bridges before it's time and to give thanks for what I have.
Even though some of you may not be in an area that celebrates Thanksgiving, hopefully you will be able to stop for a second to give thanks for the gifts you do have. No manner how minor.
Happy Thanksgiving to all!

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

I am NOT a Crossdresser!

Don't get upset. A while ago I wrote a post on Hub Pages and shared it here on why I'm not a crossdresser.
Here it is again:

Maybe you aren't either.

I don't spend 100% of my life yet as a female, but when I do does that qualify me as a crossdresser? When I'm working as a guy...maybe I'm a crossdresser then?
Where is the mystical line? If you take the word in it's most basic form I am a crossdresser because I don't wear the clothes of my birth gender. Then again, who says what my birth gender really was?
What "clicks" in my brain when I'm a girl? I shop and eat and do girl stuff. I simply love the hair, clothes and makeup! The word cross dresser has no meaning. If I'm not a female, I'm certainly not a guy just dressed in ladies clothes trying to fool the world.
Are you a crossdresser? Even if you are walking through the mall in sky high heels, big hair and a short skirt you may not be. You could be going through your teen girl years. It happens to all of them. They grow up and so will you.
Don't get me wrong here. I know I will never be a genetic female. No amount of surgery or hormones has perfected that miracle of science yet. I am a mix of both genders and something I'm becoming very comfortable with. The crossdresser in you will disappear as you feel more comfortable and your female side establishes what she wants to be.
So,when someone refers to you as a crossdresser, maybe you are not. Think of it this way. I'm a guy out of convenience and a girl out of desire!

Over the months I've had several comments but the one I'm going to share is beyond wonderful!

jeanine commented:
I am a two spirited individual... and could be and can fall into all of the categories... trans anything, to me is just the diversity within our tribe... I do not like what the medical community has done for and to us as a tribe... sense the beginning of time we have been advisers to Kings, Queens and leaders all over the world... we were revered because of our knowledge of both genders... consider Holy men to most native tribes around the world and until the European version Christianity came on the scene we were known as the keepers of the secrets of God... I cannot understand why our tribe has embraced the binary system... since the medical community has been helping us we have been relegated to the Jerry Springer show... I'm having trouble with the medical community telling me I will be more if they make me less... I am not one or the other I am both... transsexuals to me are just the new Eunuchs and they are so beautiful to me... what the world does know but I'm sure you do is we all hear that women are going to be elevated to rule the world completely, so some of us change to get to go to the head of the line... some change because we can and yet others change to get away from the angst that this society has placed upon us... I know there is a day coming when we will be restored to our rightful place of honor... I am not one or the other... I am both... it is the gift from God that we have received... enjoyed the read...

I have written here on occasion on how most of the ancient cultures did revere our knowledge we gain from both sides of the gender divide. I have just not been able to express my feelings on the subject as well as Jeanine!

Monday, November 21, 2011

The Best Womanless Beauty Pageant?

Just a couple pix from the recent "Miss International Queen Pageant" pageant in Thailand!
More pix on the Picture Gallery Page!

Transgender Cup Half Full Or Empty?

As we pause to remember our transgendered sisters and brothers who have died for whatever reason, it is time to consider our past and future.
Here on the blog I try to present the positive and minimize the violence which does plague the transgender culture.
I try to be a positive person and perceive my cup as half full. Rehashing transgendered violence would make me no better than the 11 local television news. The news motto is "the bloodier, the better."
Having said that, the overwhelming sadness when someone is physically harmed just because of gender differences is just crazy.
Add the torment of emotional abuse from family and peer groups and this is a time to remember the ones who have suffered the ultimate penalty. It is also a time to not forget.
Transgender violence stories should serve as a constant reminder to all of us to be aware of our surroundings at all times. Maybe you should add that Mace pepper spray you have been thinking of buying and keep it in your purse. It's all part of being a woman.
Transgender violence should also remind us to always stand up and be counted when we can when transgender issues arise. 
We can never forget that every little bit helps and together we can move the world.
It's a shame when violence has to motivate us.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Fun Stuff!

Enough already!
Let's get back to real life.
Friday was a great day with my two fave girls.
In a previous post, i mentioned the conversation my daughter and I had concerning the girl scouts.
As we finished breakfast I took the opportunity to give her a little history of how this gender journey of mine unfolded.  As it turned out, the conversation was more comfortable and less awkward than I expected.
If I put myself in her shoes I suppose I would wonder how all of this happened right before her eyes with three people all hiding it from her. The three peeps were myself of course. My first wife (her Mom) and my second wife (Step Mother).
I would wonder how my beer drinking, sports loving sometimes bearded father is crossing gender lines.
Much of the conversation centered on the attributes of both women she called Mom.
I spoke of the time her Mom  really didn't know which gender of me would be picking her up at the airport when she got out of the Army and was coming to live with me.
I told the time her Step Mom told me "I wasn't man enough to be a woman."
Once I started the easier it became to explain who I was really becoming and how long the process took.
All too soon our time was up and the best part was yet to come when she said she wanted to take me shopping! I was just amazed, proud and simply blown away with the experience.  I'm not sure how I got to this point with her or deserve it, but it sure is nice!
Part two of the day was a date with my fave Wiccan girl. She invited me to meet her group and sit in on a psychic reading. Other than enjoying her company, our dates are a total feminine experience for me. We are two women, nothing more, nothing less. Interestingly, we were the best dressed in the room and only one of two obvious couples.
Oh! I almost forgot to tell you the psychic didn't look at me and say "I see BIG changes in your future!"
At the end of the day I was desperately trying to determine what amount of Karma I have saved up to deserve this treatment from those two girls.
I just hope I have more in my savings!


A transgender woman in South Florida faces charges of practicing cosmetic surgery without a license, after police say she injected an unwitting patient’s buttocks with a handful of unsafe substances, including tire mender Fix-A-Flat, NBC reported.

Seeking Attention To Get None

Transgender folk have to seek attention to get none.  Once we get attention the world finds we are just real people like everyone else. We are good people and we are bad people. Same thoughts, same normal life. Yes, I said it normal.
We get up in the morning and go to bed at night and yes we are a part of the human race.
Once we are in the spotlight as transgendered women or men, it takes most of the fun away. Most of the population seems to to say Oh? and moves on.
I have mentioned the show being aired on the UK's Channel 4, "My Transsexual Summer". This show in particular looks in depth at 7 transgendered lives.  You can watch a sample of it on YouTube and here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cts4nFWHvDs
Of course the British can have a more open look at some of the sexuality of our situations especially in the clip I saw. Female to Male transmen were having a realitively graphic look at a few male sexual "aids".
To use a big word, are all these spotlights the antithesis to the transgender stealth mode? "Stealth" is when  one becomes so entrenched and comfortable in their chosen gender they simply disapeer into society?
If we as a transgender culture experience spotlights and publcity, will we too simply vanish into society?
Before any of us are too quick to scream yes we have to take a step back.
Sure the transsexual woman who has been living a quiet life for years next door to you deserves a lot of credit. She built her to the point she wanted. At the same time though, she wasn't the one to step forward and be out and active enough to push our cause forward.
My statement is an observation not an condemnation. I have no right to suggest how someone should live their life. I have a hard enough time with my own.
Only one thing is certain. If the spotlight shines on us and we don't push to make the time a positive one for transgendered people everywhere, we all deserve stealth or the closet.
After all, they may be similar except for the size.

More To The Song?


Saturday, November 19, 2011

A Transgendered "It" Really?

Just when I thought the world was getting just a bit more well adjusted (just a bit) to our transgender world, out jumps another sophmoric comment about us.
This time the comment jumped out and slapped me from my radio on the way to work.
If you are familiar with the "Clear Channel" company, it is a mega broadcasting giant in this country-and a right wing one at that.
The station was one of Clear Channel's anchor's,  700 WLW in Cincinnati and the person who said it was "Gary Jeff Walker".  Normally I just let all this shallow thinking go in one ear and out the other. This comment though (which screamed at me from my radio speakers) went totally past right wing thinking directly into bigotry.
I decided to check into Walker and read his blog.
Amazingly enough, I found a post celebrating "diversity" and Martin Luther King. Obviously Walker's Diversity begins and ends with race and I had to say something.
 I placed this comment on his blog:
"Saturday morning November 19th at approximately 7:50 am you must have tossed your self serving comments on "diversity" out the window when you tossed out the "it" word when you somehow thought it would cute to go back to your high school days and make fun of "Chaz Bono" and other transgender people.
Nice try on trying to cover your bigotry by saying something to the fact it was OK to be transgendered but why did you have to hear about it. Really?
If that was the case, why did you even bring it up?
Shame on you and when you discover someone in your family is a transgendered "it" someday...what will you say then?"
I'm a firm believer in "karma" and I'm sure Walker will get his share of payback in the quest for ratings.
In the meantime, I wonder what female name Walker uses when he parties in the clubs of Cincinnati...or does he go to Columbus to be discrete?

Friday, November 18, 2011

Thank YOU Girl Scouts

I have a granddaughter who is in the girl scouts and my daughter is very active in the scouts too.
I have been very out to my daughter since last spring.
Along the way we have discussed how we would approach the three grand kids with my transgender issue. I would like to publicly thank the girl scouts for their help.
If you remember the story, a young transgender girl wanted to join the girl scouts in Colorado. The local girl scout pack said "no" but the national organization said "yes".
My granddaughter was curious what transgendered even met and my daughter took the time to carefully explain what being transgendered met and used the whole time to open the door to future discussions about my transgender status.
 She told her and then left it alone to give her daughter a chance to come to her own understanding.
The two of us then went on to discuss how much better life would be if other parents would simply allow their kids to understand that difference isn't bad.
Of course we are biased!

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Making a Transgender Difference

Women like these are fighting to make our lives easier!
Dionne Malikowski was recently suspended from
Fort Collins High School for violating a policy by using a girls' restroom. She was told to use the faculty restrooms.
The 16 year old transgender woman
believes she should have the same rights as any student to use the bathroom of her choice. But the fallout from following her convictions
is prompting her to transfer to another school.
She said: "I just want people to understand that there are so many kinds of
people out there, and people who are a little different shouldn't have
to be treated differently or looked down on."

Vandy Beth Glenn

Vandy Beth Glenn was fired from her state job in Georgia after informing her employer
she was transitioning from male to female.
She fought the decision and won.
Greg Nevins, Lambda Legal
supervising senior staff attorney from Atlanta who will be arguing the
case on behalf of Glenn issued this statement.  "It is clear Vandy Beth Glenn was fired because her boss didn’t like
her as she is. That is unfair and illegal.
The law is on our side here, but transgender employees are still vulnerable to sex discrimination from their employers who don’t understand it.
A clear statement from Congress — made by passing the Employment
Nondiscrimination Act — would protect LGBT employees and provide
helpful, clear guidance to employers. Because nobody wants the right
to sue as much as they want to be free of work-place discrimination in
the first place."
Glenn has been receiving a paycheck based on her 2007 earnings but has not been allowed to return to work.
Can't say enough about brave transgender women such as Vandy and Dionne!

VA Transgender Update

During my time away from all of you, much has happened in my push to get the Veterans Adminstration to help my transgender status with hormones.
Here is a short recap for those of you who maybe are little newer here. (Forgive me if my knowledge of the positions and titles of some of  the VA peeps I deal with are a little vague).
To begin with, the person who monitors the meds I receive from the VA said she was qualified to prescribe BUT...she preferred a consultation first.
I went through that process with four meetings with a psychologist and she approved me for hormone therapy BUT...no one in the Dayton, Ohio VA Medical Center would would or could actually prescribe BUT...there may be some other options.
One of the options was to go to an outside medical doctor and petition the VA for a co-pay of sorts. The first appointment with this highly recommended doctor was supposed to have happened today but didn't BECAUSE...I had a flat tire on the way to the appointment and couldn't get there.  Really.
I was devastated and was able to reschedule in a couple of weeks.
I then backtracked and tried a recommended source within the VA for copay information AND..hit a brick wall.
BUT...we all know brick walls can be climbed or ran around and here is the latest idea from yet another VA person. The one person who had been left out of this loop for whatever reason was my primary care physician.
I was told if he approved the hormones, I may be able to get them from the in house pharmacy.
SO...I asked him and he responded he didn't really know if he would because I was absolutely the first transgendered person he had ever treated. SO...if I did follow through with the private phyiscian on the whys, when and hows of the proposed hormone therapy, he would consider it.
NOW...I'm very much in the game with a couple very realistic opportunities to make this happen plus some of you have added a few great ideas.
MY...final point is and has been, if a transgendered vet in California can be prescribed hormones; why can't I in Ohio.
I know where "where there is will, there is a way". Not a single step of my transgendered journey has been easy and I didn't expect this one to be any different. I only need the one person who is more concerned with helping me than covering their own rear.
If I can't find that person I will consider a few of the recommendations I have received on petitioning the higher ups.
If the VA is serious about their recent directives on helping trans vets then I'm serious about taking them up on it. 
I will keep you posted!

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Transgender Repair Visit

I started this post a couple weeks ago. Just found it and thought I would pass it along to all of you.
The day my internet connection was finally scheduled to be fixed I gave absolutely no thought to the internet repair guy being on time and wanting in my house.
The connection problem has been an ongoing one and has always been on the outside of the building.
This time, he wanted to fix it right and run a line directly to my computer.  That of course was the good news. The bad news is he wanted in my house to do it.
Of course living by myself in two genders means articles of clothing, shoes and hair are all over the place. I was stuck between a rock and a hard place.
Should have just faced the future and met him as Cyrsti. Truthfully, I didn't even think of it. I wonder how long it will take for the opposite to happen?
That in itself is surprising because I constantly think about the scenerios I haven't faced as a girl.
The whole situation would have been interesting as I explained how my messy boyfriend just leaves his things just laying around. You know how men are!
Fortunately most of this "middle ground" existence will be going away and I will be forced to "woman-up" and face the world and it's surprises.
Experience tells me one thing already. I have to get used to my IQ being lowered and knowing less around men!
My Transsexual Summer’s Drew-Ashlyn Cunningham.One of the participants of  the UK's Channel 4's new
reality documentary, My Transsexual Summer.

It's Just NOT about me!

In my forced absence from the blog, I had plenty of time to think about past ideas and expereinces of mine that may be useful. For some reason I had a chance meeting with a woman several months ago which was so forceful I probably missed the forest for the trees.
She was tall and beautiful, and the last seat at the bar just happened to be beside her and her friends were on the other side.
In a very short period of time she turned and used the typical female opening to a conversation by commenting on my purse. How nice and where did I get it.  Interestingly enough, she said very quickly I didn't need to be nervous. The statement surprised me. Sure the place I was in isn't my favorite place to go but I'm nomally recieved well enough. I guess I was showing nerves subconciously but then again I normally am nervous talking to people I really don't know.
I knew of course she was attempting to make me feel more at ease talking to her but then took the whole idea further. She was also talking about all the people who took the time to stare on my way in.
I'm paraphrasing here but what she said in essence was she was sick and tired of being stared at too by a bunch of unsophisticated idiots. Just because she was 5'11 and had big breasts and was a former Penthouse girl she was sick and tired of people staring and she knew how I felt being stared at too!
Deep down inside I was thinking if I had only a part of the reason she was being stared at for I would be happy.
On a larger scale she is right. I have experienced the men who never see my face only my chest...even with their wife standing next to them. I have experienced the invasion of a woman's personal space (also part of our conversation). None of it is right, but is an integral part of gender interaction where I live unfortunately.
As she left, my biggest lesson learned was "It's just not about me".
Trans woman or natural beauty, being looked at is just part of the game. Her insights just proved to me again how huge a part it is.

I Always Knew...

Out of the clear blue sky the other day I began to think of how "the other half" lives. I don't mean the rich folk across town. I mean the great majority of the population that lives a life never questioning their birth gender.
Quickly I realized the idea was as foreign to me as the way I live is to them.
I cannot begin to think of how it would have been to have never questioned my male gender.
At that very point I started to have a deeper respect for my friends who know and respect me for what I am.
How completely foreign it is to them that a person would question one of the basics of the human experience - gender. Not sex, gender. Not gay or straight but male or female.
I have written many times how I would not wish this gender journey on anyone. On ocasion though I secretly feel a life in one gender maybe rather boring!

She's Back!

Well finally I persuaded my Internet provider to put me in line for a technician to come to my house. What I mean "in line" I mean it took them a week and a half to get here. Really?
That's the bad news. The good news is he installed a brand new line almost directly to my computer which isn't the easiest thing to do because the house I live in is a brick monster built in the 1850's.
So now at least I'm faster! (I know some of you are thinking of the old cheap and easy line here too!)
At any rate, I'm overjoyed to be back and have missed all of you!
I'm flowing over with ideas of new posts and will put them together soon!
In the meantime, my first appointment with a medical doctor to discuss hormones is tomorrow. Very excited!
More to come!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, November 7, 2011

Growing Up To Be A Woman!

I surfed across this post on a site called "Are Women Human?". Debunking complementarianism and other myths of gender. Now I don't even know what complementarianism even means! I do know you all might want to check the link and a great insight to our lives and how our birth gender just didn't work!

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Pretty Boys Make Pretty Girls!

Over the years we have seen pretty boys become pretty girls in several teen orientated shows. Here is another!
From Wingin' It 2x19 "I Carlie" comes this story line,
"After a clueless Carl offends Denise on their first date, she shows him what it is like to be a girl by turning him into one. It is not long before Serge falls for Carlie, the new girl at school, and the pressure is on Porter to find a solution. He turns Denise into Denny to give her a taste of her own medicine, but the only way to reverse the magic is for Carlie and Denny to have a perfect date"
Here are a couple
YouTube" links:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9HRuGS3HO2c
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ti-1Tmy1R8   plus I will post a couple more pictures on our picture gallery page.
I'm sure you agree he looks good!

The Essence of Transgender Enjoyment?

As I move ever closer to a more complete feminine lifestyle, I experienced a pleasant discovery this morning.
As I was finishing my makeup and adding a touch of perfume I thought how much I enjoyed the whole process and dare I say natural.
I have been experimenting with wearing a soft cloth bra and my breast forms every night when I come home from work.  A job  I work in guy drag.
When I first started the process, I felt comforted by the whole experience. When I woke up in the middle of the night and in the morning I was able to come as close as I could (so far) to having my own breasts.
As time went on, I became more conditioned to having breasts and they gradually just became part of me.
Now I do know of course hormones will increase the sensitivity of my real breasts and all of this could be a moot point.
Sooner more than later though I think breasts just become part of the body for a woman except for obvious exceptions such as sexuality and appearance.
As I was getting ready the other morning, my breasts stopped being just a part of my body and became important in my choice of clothes. In other words they became very important to my overall feeling of femininity and that felt so natural.
I can never do anymore than just guess how a birth female feels with all of this and I am sure not a one thinks the same BUT  I know how a certain transgendered female feels about it. The same way she feels when her hair has grown long enough to brush out of her face...surprised and excited.
Something deep inside is telling me somehow this was the way it is supposed to be!

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Meet the Old/New Me!

Recently we posted a story about transgender actress  Candis Cayne  who appeared not long ago in the television series  "Necessary Roughness".  Her character was the former "Gerald" at a class reunion.

"Jamie Clayton"

Yet another beautiful transgender actress is headed to the "HBO" series "Hung". In one of the episodes, Jamie Clayton's character also attends her class reunion. Clayton has a great take on why her character Kyla went:
"Ultimately Kyla’s goal of going to the reunion was to get these people to see her the way she has always seen herself. Obviously she was unable to do that when she was in high school so she sort of wants to go back and reclaim that moment and sort of do a time-machine moment and reclaim that moment and have a good experience. It does sort of backfire on her. But ultimately the way it ends up is so sweet — the moment that she has with Ray. Part of Kyla’s journey is coming to the realization that it doesn’t matter what everybody else thinks about you; in the end, it’s what you think of yourself."
I have a big class reunion coming up in a couple of years and I started to think...would I go?
First of all, I need to say I have never been to one of my high school reunions. I moved from a very small school district to a very big one and never deleveloped many close friendships plus I was very shy. My point to all of this is, very few at the reunion would remember my before let alone my current.
As profound and correct as Clayton's take on the reunion, none of it really works for me. I wish I could say I would be showing my true self all my classmates missed out on so many year ago but then again we didn't know each other then any better than now.
If I was fortunate enough to look half as beautiful as Cayne or Clayton, I supposed I could go show off for an old romantic interest from high (as Cayne did with an old girlfriend.). That wouldn't work either because my senior prom date committed suicide years ago because she thought life had no meaning because she was over weight, unattractive and divorced. (really).
So as revelvant and possibly entertaining the media makes the class reunion appear to be, I think I will  have to be a no show again. I certainly wasn't the social butterfly in high school. No need to become one now.

Friday, November 4, 2011

When Is Natural...Natural?

As I was going through a purse today looking for spare change, I didn't think a thing about it.
There was a time I would have stopped to reflect on the fact I had a purse at all and what a rush it was.
As I rush head long into a life changing month, I still do a lot of soul searching
The timetable looks something like this. In a week I have yet another visit with my VA Physcologist. She has given me an approval letter of course but we are far from being done with the VA's possible future role in the dispensing process. In another week I have my first appointment with a medical doctor who will dispense.
Around the first of the month the biggest step is coming up. Hopefully I will be transitioning out of my current job. The significance is I'm transitioning into basically a home based business.
My current work environment is the biggest connection to what is left of my current male life.
I know nothing of this is certain but I do see very clearly what I need to do to make all of this happen.
Finally natural has a chance to imitate life!

Thursday, November 3, 2011

I LOVE This Saying!

Not the Gurl you bring home to Mother, I'm the one she didn't dream of warning you about. http://jackiesdepravedthoughts.blogspot.com/
Warning...follow this link at your own discretion. It is Very  X rated.
I didn't say I approved of the blog...just loved the description and decide to leave the rest up to you!
I will have to dig up the old blog post of mine that asked if I would be the kind of girl I would bring home to my mother.

Ozzie's Little Girl Is Back!

I'm sure you remember the "trama" poor Kelly Osbourne felt when fiance Luke Worral was alledgedly caught with a transgender woman.
The UK's "Daily Mail" has resurrected the story following Osbourne's transphobic rant surfaced. You can follow the link of course to read the entire story. Essentially she said up until she found out about Worral and the transgendered woman She had always thought that the worst way to get cheated on would be with an ugly girl. Don't you think?'
OK Kelly lets compare a few pictures. 

Number one, Luke's transgendered love interest gives Kelly a real run for her money in the looks department.
Number two, Luke could be the prettiest one of the three!

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

700 Posts? Wow!

I started this blog nearly a year and an half ago. I really didn't know much about what a blog even was.
I met a friend on "Pink Essence" the transgender social site.
We began to exchange experiences and she said "you should start a blog" and here we are.
700 posts later, our blog (you and I) has been a labor of love in many ways.
My goal has been to hopefully help others navigate the transgender path I have been down. Along the way transgendered news, information and opinion have made their appearance on the blog.
First and foremost I would like to thank all of you again for joining in on this journey which is far from over!
I continue to work diligently on a companion book or two as well as possible better ways to publish the blog.
Thanks again for reading and caring! You are all the best!!!

Normalization or Positive Publicity?

Some groups are complaining about the normalization of transgender humans.
The world has now passed the 7th billion population milestone.  Sooner more than later these groups will have to face the fact that a sizeable amount of the 7 billion peeps are and will be transgendered.  Normal? I'm not even going there... except to say if normal is how good I feel in my chosen gender; that is normal to me.
The groups I'm sure are just complaining about the recent amount of publicity the transgendered nation has received recently.
Let's focus a moment on the 7 year old transgendered boy who wants to join the girl scouts. If he just presented himself as a boy who wanted to join the scouts how would that differ from a girl playing on a boys sports team?
When his family presented him as transgendered the whole focus changed of course and once again we all had to go through a furious media blitz.
I'm a firm believer in any slam in any way directed towards our transgender community should be exposed. We have come a long way out of our closets and can't go back.
If that is the transgendered "normalization" certain groups are talking about,  they used the wrong word. Forget normalization and use "reality".
As a transgendered group we still face more violence and discrimination than any other culture. 
The more reality of our lives the overall public expereinces, transgendered individuals will move out of the shadows and become "normal".
On a personal level, I have never known or had much fun with that "normal" word!

Transgendered Beauties From Guam.

From "Miss Guahan 2011:

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

The Transgender Girl Next Door?

Every now and then I get questions from men who want to meet a transgender woman. Typically the questions center on how to meet a transgender girl and even how to talk to a trans woman.
The situation becomes worse when the guy expects the transgendered "girl next door" to immediately want him for sex.
However there are men who just want us for what we are. A woman with something extra. I know what you think I mean but I don't.
What I mean is... what we have between our ears.  Sure we have discussed sex is between the legs and gender is between the ears. Between our ears lies a deeper understanding of both genders. None of this necessarily  makes us a better potential partner with a man but it does give us a head start in understanding the male existence.
On a deeper level this connection does resonate with some men.
I used to feel a man who felt this way was exceedingly hard to find. Now I feel the opposite could be true. We are the hard ones to find. Why?
The transgendered girl next door could be living stealth or deeply in the closet and invisible. In addition there are so many transgendered girls who are in the middle of a deep confusing transition of their own and aren't ready for a male relationship.
Finally, the man gets the courage to act and then what?
Well, the easiest place to turn is  is the Internet.
In my case I have been successful in finding a dear friend through a dating site and a couple others through simply "networking" myself here and there.
To get there was not easy. As you probably would expect, there are seemingly a thousand failures for the very few successes.
Many men go back into their own closets for what ever reason. A transgendered woman could be ideal for them on several levels but they are reluctant or even afraid to act upon their feelings. (They are men after all and that does come with the territory).
One thing is certain, the transgendered girl of his dreams probably isn't next door to the guy but she could be out there if he is patient and sincere.

Gender Is Only A Word

Expressing and understanding gender is another.
In Chicago, "Loyola University" hosts an annual drag show which encourages student to question why gender is so rigidly controlled.
“We all step in line when it comes to gender. Men wear pants. Women
put on makeup. Girls get pink and boys blue,” states Advocate LUC, the
school’s gay rights group, on the event’s Facebook site. “This is not
necessarily a bad thing, but it can be if we never question why gender
is rigidly controlled.”
One of the participants in Loyola University's "drag" fashion show said it best!