In my forced absence from the blog, I had plenty of time to think about past ideas and expereinces of mine that may be useful. For some reason I had a chance meeting with a woman several months ago which was so forceful I probably missed the forest for the trees.
She was tall and beautiful, and the last seat at the bar just happened to be beside her and her friends were on the other side.
In a very short period of time she turned and used the typical female opening to a conversation by commenting on my purse. How nice and where did I get it. Interestingly enough, she said very quickly I didn't need to be nervous. The statement surprised me. Sure the place I was in isn't my favorite place to go but I'm nomally recieved well enough. I guess I was showing nerves subconciously but then again I normally am nervous talking to people I really don't know.
I knew of course she was attempting to make me feel more at ease talking to her but then took the whole idea further. She was also talking about all the people who took the time to stare on my way in.
I'm paraphrasing here but what she said in essence was she was sick and tired of being stared at too by a bunch of unsophisticated idiots. Just because she was 5'11 and had big breasts and was a former Penthouse girl she was sick and tired of people staring and she knew how I felt being stared at too!
Deep down inside I was thinking if I had only a part of the reason she was being stared at for I would be happy.
On a larger scale she is right. I have experienced the men who never see my face only my chest...even with their wife standing next to them. I have experienced the invasion of a woman's personal space (also part of our conversation). None of it is right, but is an integral part of gender interaction where I live unfortunately.
As she left, my biggest lesson learned was "It's just not about me".
Trans woman or natural beauty, being looked at is just part of the game. Her insights just proved to me again how huge a part it is.
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