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| Photo from the Jessie Hart Archives |
In our lives as transgender women or trans men, we can't help building gender equity.
What I mean is when you are forced into a gender lifestyle you really don't accept, you have no choice to adapt and survive. In my case, it meant doing my absolute best to play sports as well as doing other boy things. I put together model cars, was gifted a BB Gun (when I really wanted a doll) as well as other male type activities. None of which I was ever very good at, probably because I did not really buy into participating entirely.
Even still, as much as I didn't want to, I was still building equity being male. Of course I learned how to interact one on one primarily with other guys. Sadly never having much of a chance to see and know any girls at all since I was painfully shy. To survive, I needed to study all the femininity around me from afar and do the best I could.
As life progressed, I needed to fall back on my male equity more and more. It was especially important when I served my three years in the Army during the Vietnam War. Specifically during basic training, I needed to learn how to act like an alpha male and how to deal with all the ones I faced. Again, even though I was successful, I didn't really want to be. Also, I knew the more equity as a man I acquired, the harder it would be to some day give it all up.
And one day it all did come crashing down. I was looking at giving up what I called the "three F's" or family, friends and finances. The reality was I was going through a stressful time in my life when I was going through gender ripping and tearing as I was seriously considering living fulltime as a transgender woman. It meant giving up all my male equity or privileges I had worked so hard to obtain. I had already faced several of my privileges being taken away such as intelligence but I was ill prepared when I had to face other issues such a personal security when I tried to live a public life as a trans woman. Even with all the changes and new pressures, I knew it was still worth selling my equity to live a feminine life.
The pressure to sell became so great, I finally broke down, embraced my new life and decided to transition into a new life I had only ever dreamed of. Little did I know, deep in the background of my life my feminine person had been watching and learning also. She was just biding her time until she had a chance to live. She was building her own equity which made the entire gender transition so much easier.
I am fortunate in that I was able to cash in to what was left of my male equity and transfer the proceeds to my existing (hidden) feminine self. Between the two, I was able to move on and never look back.
