Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Just Say Yes to Transgender Military Service!

The new issue of OutServe Magazine, which is available online and at select military bases and outside of certain installations across the world, takes on what it calls ''The New DADT: Transgender Service.''
One of the six current or former service members who are transgender and profiled in the fifth issue of OutServe's publication, who goes by Bryan in the article to protect his identity, says, ''I want to speak out about it because I know a lot of people are not going to, and I feel like for anything to change … a group of people are going to have to step up to the plate and talk about it … like people did during the 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' repeal.

As a transgendered drafted vet I can not say enough how much I admire the courage of the volunteers in the U.S. military today who are pushing the system for acceptance!

The Next Transgendered Model From the UK?

Perhaps the next transsexual model will be from the UK.
Cambell Kenneford, 16, dreamed of being a female model - despite being
born a man. At the least, she has the "Andrej Pejic" style of body.
Now the student, from Leighton Buzzard in Bedfordshire, plans to get
gender realignment surgery following two years of hormone treatment
which has recently been approved by doctors.

"Andrej Pejic"
Previously the teen had suffered cruel taunts and violence at the
hands of classmates who called him 'gay.'

The heavily made-up teen now turns heads by dressing like film star
Lindsay Lohan.

Cambell said: 'I was bullied for years and called 'gay' but I always
knew it was something else

'I started painting my nails and growing my hair when I was 11. Now I
like girly outfits. I wear hot pants, high heels and tight tops all the

'Some people say I look a lot like Lindsay Lohan, which I love.'

Somehow I think "Cambell" may want to consider her resemblance to "Andrej" especially with a few of "Lohan's" jail pictures recently!

Monday, January 30, 2012

Cyrsti's Closet

This time, I really was in the closet and found an old friend!
The "friend" was a purse I hadn't worn with an outfit forever!
I just had spent an hour working on my own nails( which is a art form I am just attempting to master) so with the nails and the purse, I felt especially good about my overall look.
I was headed to my regular pub for a quick evening of video trivia. My outfit did not need to be anything very flashy.  Jeans and flats and a low cut top put me into the "blend" zone with the other women in the pub.
I'm still enamored with my blond hair and can't wait for mine to get long enough to experiment!
It was certainly fun to find an old friend in the closet!!!!!

Another Wonderful Trans Woman Role Model.

From "Bilerico" comes the story of "Jennifer" a transsexual veteran returning home.

In April of this year, Jenn will complete 29 years of service to her country with honor and distinction. To recap from my previous posts, Jenn began her transition by starting hormones 2 years ago thinking she'd retire from the service after 27 years but Uncle Sam needed her service in Afghanistan. Jenn continued to take her hormones for the entire tour, in fact, in December of 2010 when her prescription was running out, a military doctor in country provided Jenn with a renewal of her prescription! As evidenced by the Army's bestowal of a "Bronze Star" and promotion during her service in Afghanistan, the hormones had no impact and Jenn's ability to do her job.

Jennifer has some solid recommendations for the U.S. Department of Defense as our community presses for transgender-inclusive reforms. She says trans service members should be allowed to transition after "at least six years with a good service record."
Jenn believes that only "career-minded" service members should be allowed to transition if the military is going to pick up the tab for hormones and surgery, with "no retraining required." In other words, a transgender service member must be able to do the job they already have in order to be allowed to transition and stay in the military.
At issue now, however, is Jenn's promotion to Sergeant Major, something she's worked diligently toward achieving these past 29 years. The Army wants her to stay in another three years to complete training for this highest non-commissioned officer rank, which would, of course, mean putting off her transition to living full-time as Jennifer until those three years are up. Jenn says she'll probably retire this spring, which will likely cost her the promotion to Sergeant Major.

Being a transgendered veteran myself, of course this story was of great importance to me!
Follow the link for more!

Transsexual Candidate in Mexico

Saturday was a historic day in Mexico when Diana Barrios Sánchez  (above)  was registered as a candidate for deputy of the Federal District Legislative Assembly. Sanchez is the first transsexual woman to register for that office!

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Were Are The Saloon Girls Gentic?

I ran across an interesting article on "denverpost.com" about transgendered individuals on the frontier of the United States.
I grew up in the great "western television era.  "Maverick", Sugar Foot", "Palladin" and of course "Bonanza" dominated the tube.
All this time I was mislead about all the "macho cowboys" according to the article:

Re-Dressing America's Frontier Past  by Peter Boag (University of California)
I thought there was nothing new to write about the American West. I forgot cross-dressing.
In a scholarly account, Peter Boag writes that not all who came west were manly men or feminine women. He reveals that cross-dressing, while not exactly common, was far from unknown on the American frontier.
Some cross-dressers were homosexuals, transvestites or transgendered folks. But many women who dressed as men did so primarily for safety or comfort, to escape family or vengeful husbands. Some committed crimes, but most, perhaps, wanted jobs that were unavailable to women. Men, on the other hand, dressed as actresses or explained, when caught, that they cross-dressed as a lark.
Once exposed, cross-dressers were often ridiculed in the newspapers. Many were reviled but some, such as Colorado's Mountain Charley, became famous. Another was the thrice-married "Mrs." Nash, actually a male washerwoman with the 7th Calvary, who was wed three times.
In "Re-Dressing America's Frontier Past," Boag says doctors and early sexologists blame cross-dressing on everything from the suffrage movement to the evil ways of immigrants to the surfacing of atavistic tendencies.
Many cross-dressers lived undetected for years, their secrets exposed only upon death. Others failed to look the part of the opposite sex. In 1874, a man in San Francisco drew attention to himself not because of the dress he was wearing but because he was playing an accordion — badly. Call us what you want. transgendered, transsexuals or crossdressers. It seems we have always been part of society's fabric.
I feel better now about loving "Miss Kitty's" clothes!

Miss Kitty 1966

Saturday, January 28, 2012

Another "Not So Average" American Girl

This is another story I discovered from the "San Fransisco Bay Guardian".
"Christine Beatty" pictured on your left is "a transsexual activist, author, and good-time girl, Beatty just published her memoir, Not Your Average American Girl on her newly christened Glamazon Press (available at Modern Times bookstore in the Mission, www.mtbs.com). In it, she tells her story of growing up and discovering her inner self during a very turbulent time in Northern California, through the stoner 1970s to the economically rocky '80s to our own time, when trans people have gained an unprecedented visibility yet still find themselves the targets of discrimination from both conservative quarters and other LGBTs."

Here's a small idea of where the book came from and how it came to be:
"It's a wonder that Not Your Average American Girl exists at all. It meticulously recreates scenes from Beatty's experiences using entries from the journals that she's kept all her life. And really, if your mortal coil encompassed typical suburban mama's boy, stoner hippie, macho soldier, undercover married cross-dresser (or "frilly werewolf"), Tenderloin call girl, recovering heroin addict, pioneering rock musician, and author-publisher, how legible would your diary be?
"When I went to write the book, I looked at these old journals and I was filled with gratitude," Beatty said. "I was so scared, hopeless, resentful in parts. But I see how far I've come and I'm still alive. And I must have known I was going to survive — otherwise why the hell would I write all this down?"

Equal Time!

On occasion I enjoy passing along news and or pictures of female to male transsexuals.
These days there are lists of everything and a site posted their top ten hottest ftm transmen.
"Diesel" pictured to the right made an "honorable mention".
Over the years, I have mentioned my fascination with transmen.  Why in the world would they want to not be female? The answer of course is simple. They didn't feel like girls-ever.
Over the past couple years I have been fortunate to meet a couple of guys who walk the thin line between ftm transmen and "super butches". I now have a real understanding of how similar we are as we walk opposite sides of the gender fence. So different yet so alike in trying to understand why we are the way we are?
On occasion they will talk of how they have no understanding of the female psyche.
The genders really are on different levels. Not bad, not good- just different.
I passed along "Diesel's" picture as a "blue collar" transman but you can see the entire Top 10 here.
I do follow one transman's blog here, Matt Kailey's "Tranifesto".
A question I'm thinking of passing along is "It seems many more transwomen are interested in lesbian relationships with women than transmen are in relationships with gay guys? Any ideas?"

Friday, January 27, 2012

Trans Teacher Lessons

Once again, Thailand makes transgendered news. This time though NOT through some crazy "lady boy" story or the ancient over blown transsexual stewardess story.
From "The Nation" comes the story of "Inthukorn Sitthiwong":
"Unfortunately, she's being asked not to teach - at least not in any way that she could maintain her honesty and dignity.
In her third year at Chiang Mai University's Faculty of Education, Inthukorn was "advised" to start getting used to the idea of wearing a male uniform for her final year of training as a teacher - despite the fact that she's been a woman all her life.
Yes, she's one of many transgender women across the country who aspire to become teachers. The difference is that, while everyone before her obeyed the dictates of the regulations and bowed to social pressure and the threat of being flunked, she's not going to pretend to be someone else.
Fifteen years ago, Rajabhat teachers' institutes announced they would reject "sexual deviants". The resulting public uproar forced them to back down, but it's an open secret that many applicants fail interviews or are steered to other fields because of their gender identity.
Inthukorn's case has brought back to the surface the debate over whether LGBT people should be allowed to teach.
The basis of the opposition is the fear that children will "copy" their transgender teachers. Science is beginning to understand the roots of gender identity, and there is so far no evidence that this fear has any basis.

The U.S. was given a little praise in the article.

Even in the US, a society far less familiar with transgender people than Thailand, there has been growing acceptance of transgender teachers. In addition to serving as role models for students who wonder if they too are in the wrong gender category or have already decided, it affords all students a lesson in tolerating diversity.
"The world is full of people and beliefs that not all of us agree on," one Thai parent was recently quoted as saying. "You can't just tell your kids that if they don't like it, they should leave. You need to teach them that they don't have to agree with another person's beliefs, but they must respect those beliefs."

In another life in another year far far away, I was lucky to experience Thailand for a year during my military service. "Chiang Mai" was rumored to have the most beautiful women in the country.

"Inthukorn Sitthiwong": is certainly one of them!

Vote for England's First Miss England Trans Woman

You have probably heard by now (or read it here) about 18 year old transsexual Jackie Green competing in the "Miss England Pageant". She is leading so far in the first competition which is an on line photo contest. She is leading by a wide margin so far over "Kim" pictured below.
Now you can vote for her in a portion of the competition. If your phone carrier doesn't charge you a bunch of money to do it. Mine tried to.
For more info here is the site.

Swimming With the Transgender Current!

Much of the time, I have referred to my journey into trans womanhood as a "path". Not fitting neatly into the crossdresser or transsexual mode has  provided a unique perceptive look at the world.
Maybe the path wasn't concrete at all. Maybe I can compare it to a river.  I threw my transgendered self into the current -to sink or swim.
Every once in a while a bit of news comes along which makes me think I'm not headed towards "Niagara Falls" in a barrel.
From "The San Fransisco Chronicle" comes the story of perhaps the first transgendered mainstream romance novel:

Chances at Romance announces the publication of perhaps the first mainstream romance novel with a transgendered heroine. "Two Spirit Ranch" explores when love is challenged by a rugged sheriff's preconceived notion about gender and the heroine's fear of not being loved for the woman she is.
After a year of unprecedented publicity regarding transgender issues in the entertainment and political worlds, the book, written by Jaime Stryker, hopes to give an unconventional twist to a conventional tale. Stryker, who is a longtime fan of the genre, says, "Popular art reflects culture, and the past year brought transgender issues to the forefront. It was simply time for a romance novel that also touched upon gender issues."
The title delves into the fact that some Native American tribe members could assume the identity of the opposite gender and still be accepted and respected by their community. "Many of the native peoples believed a spectrum of gender identities was part of nature's diversity." Stryker goes on to say, "When European colonization started to dominate the region rigid gender roles became the norm."

Here is information on the book if you are interested:
Two Spirit Ranch: A Romance
Author: Jaime Stryker
ISBN: 978-0615593302
Retail: Available from most online book retailers, including Amazon, e-bookstores, or on order from your local bookstore.
Wholesale: CreateSpace Direct

Maybe I won't have to be such a good swimmer after all!
On another level, a novel such as this touches on relationships with men and transwomen we have discussed more than a couple times.(Damn Transvestite Home Wreckers!) 
around the condo.

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Overthinking Again!

My doctor's appointment today started the same as any other.
Worry what to wear, hurry to get there-to wait.
Wait I did. Long enough to actually attempt to read a couple "People's" magazines cover to cover.
Finally the Doctor showed up in his bright white coat.
Quick and to the point he asked about my progress and I told him. He then asked if I expereinced any "side effects" and I said no negative ones and I simply "loved the process" so far.
He said wonderful. Let's double your estrogen! Maybe he read my last post?
So I'm the proud possessor of 6 months worth of estrogen and spiro to block that nasty testosterone plus a six month reprieve from the doc!
Life is good!

Trans Fantasy?

It is time for a check up with my hormone doctor today. My primary doc at the Veteran Administration has and will honor the prescriptions the hormone doctor writes. Not a perfect world, but one that works so far.
Here's my fantasy, what if the doc today asks me if I want to up the dosage? What if I ask him for permission?
"Changes" I have felt so far have centered around emotions and breasts.
If you follow my "tweets" here, last night was the first time in my life I almost started to cry from an external source not close to me!
I also am experiencing growth in my breasts under the arms and have started to notice more of a gentle slope from my upper body to the nipple.
I won't lie and say I don't really love all of this. I do and have waited so long.
I also can't lie and say if the process was accelerated I wouldn't be disappointed.
My dilemma is I have rather enjoyed the progress in a very short period of time. (less than a month). So do I mess with a good thing or attempt to make it better?
The appointment is in two hours and I can truthfully say I don't know how to answer the question- so I will play it by ear and listen to what the doc says.
At least in this case, a "no decision" won't be a bad one so I should walking into a "win-win" situation.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Damn Transvestite Homewreckers!

From "Asiaone News"
"Transvestites have become a new threat to the marriage institution, with sex-change surgeries becoming more affordable to men who want to look like beautiful, alluring women, Metro Ahad reported.
Former Islamic Development Department of Malaysia (Jakim) family, social and community assistant director Zawiyah Hassan told the daily an increasing number of mak nyah are flirting with married men without fear of society's backlash.
Zawiyah said it was not surprising to hear of straight men leaving their wives or girlfriends to have affairs with these transvestites, who are said to be more tender, loving and caring in their ways than normal women.
The daily said it now costs RM70,000 for a whole package deal while it used to cost about RM100,000 for either just a sex operation or a breast implant."
 I'm biased but could it be the "the more tender, loving and caring in their ways than normal women" had any impact on these men?
I've always said being female does not make you a woman!
Mak Nyah Sial

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Transgenderism: Disorder or Destiny

Some feel if you don't feel totally sure you are not living your life in your chosen gender at an very early age, somehow you are a transgendered impostor.
Some feel your feminist is measured somehow by the number of operations or the amount of hormones you have taken.
Only you know for sure what gender you identify with or the one you think you identify with.
In my case I thought I knew I wanted to be a girl but I didn't dare wish it was possible. Being part of a family with WWII /depression age parents didn't make life any easier. My situation was so completely different from some of the family stories I read about today, I can't even imagine it
So I guess you can say my slow transition in life was destiny. In a sense, the process wasn't so much "the farther I went-the more I needed". It was "the more I loved it".
As I write this I can say this is the first night I have experienced some soreness in my breasts and it is the first time in my life I have liked soreness!
The best part of destiny is a greater appreciation of the changes I'm going through.
So I guess I'm guilty of not being sure I wanted to be female at the age of 6. I'm also guilty of not assuming my genitalia determines my gender.  Even if I ever go for sex change surgery (or not) an operation will not determine my inner gender.
Gender disorder or destiny does not really matter if we become at peace with ourselves and others!

Internalizing the "She".

OK, I'm going to admit to you I do a lot of talking to myself.
If you read the blog much that will not surprise you I know!
A couple days ago I discovered myself self making a HUGE mistake. I was internally using the male pronoun "he" with myself. 
Here's an example. I'm a great believer in internal motivation but I started to catch myself in something like "boy let's get to it" not "come on girl!"
Sometimes it seems this entire transgendered path is filled with obvious gender holes to fill- not unlike a new video game.
Once you are pretty sure you have most of the process together, here comes talking yourself as a guy???
My excuse is I'm into changing another lifelong process and some would argue I should have acted on it long ago. I am not even going down that rant!

The fun part is answering myself and you know what that means!!!!!!

Vote For Pejic!

Such a shame I have politics on the brain already.  The Republic primaries and the very beginning of the ton of anti-Obama ads we will see heading to the presidential election have gotten my attention.
The campaign I'm writing about is yet another modeling coup for Andrej Pejic. The video I'm passing along is mainly in French (I so am bad at French) but I can tell you Pejic is supposedly ready to sign a major mainstream perfume contract. Wouldn't it be fun to see him on mainstream television ads? Would some of the girl scouts and the legislator in Tennessee boycott their product?
Sorry, I had to go there. Here is the video:

Monday, January 23, 2012

Trans Woman Appointed in Columbia

Tatiana Pinero
From "Columbia Reports"  comes a very positive story!

"Bogota's mayor has appointed the capital's first transgender public official, as director of corporate management in the city's Social Integration Department.
In an interview with El Espectador, newly-appointed director Tatiana Piñero expressed her admiration for Bogota's new Mayor Gustavo Petro, and his support for LGBT issues.
Piñero described Petro as "a person who recognizes diversity, who respects and values people for their work, and not whether they are African, LGBT or indigenous."
The department in which she is taking up her position is described as responsible for the development and implementation of social policies which guarantee citizens of Bogota "the ability to exercise their rights, in conditions of equality."

The Small Things in a Transgendered Life.

Didn't seem possible but today was time to call in my first estrogen and Spiro refills..
Of course I took a bit of more time to reflect on what changes occurred during  my first month on HRT. (Jan 30)
Previously, I have mentioned a couple real changes in my overall personality plus a new sensitivity in my breast area.
Overall I have been quite a bit more mellow for whatever reason-until this morning.
I just had this unreasonable paranoia this morning that for some reason the VA wouldn't refill my meds. When the automated system said yes the meds were refillable and on their way, I first felt relief then a real sense of satisfaction. I really was doing all of this and it is not a dream I will wake to some day.
Today was also fun when I discovered I could actually tie my hair back into a "itty bitty" pony tail for the first time in my life.
The only drawback was when I noticed I was ditzing out and taking half of the "Spiro" that was prescribed. If you didn't know, "Spiro" is essentially a blood pressure medicine that reduces or "blocks" testosterone.
Being the math genius I am, I saw I had twice as much of one prescription left as the other. Both were filled at the same time for one month. DUH!
Perhaps I would have seen a bit more changes?
At any rate, the past is the past and the present feels pretty good right now!
I go to the Doc again on Wednesday, so we will see how that goes.

Sunday, January 22, 2012

No Pain - No Gain?

It's life's lessons-good and bad that bring us to the point we are today.  No big surprise I know.
Sometimes when I think I have this transgendered journey down to perfection and I can exist in society as my chosen gender I get a slap in the face.
An example came one day when I was out by myself in an antique mall.  I always find the experience relaxing and fun. This time I was coming off of a solid week of positive public feedback on my female presentation.
Maybe I was getting careless or sloppy but I got totally busted by three guys who happened to be standing around at the door.
Now I know situations such as that with men lead to intense scrutiny of any woman.
What infuriates me is that I still get tense in those situations and we all know any blood in the water will bring out the sharks.
At any rate the moment came and went  I'm sure the three guys went home with the story of the big stunning blond they saw at the antique mall-but not so much.
The reassuring point of all of this now is I don't feel the need to go back to the drawing board for some sort of major overhaul.
My basics are sound and the fact remains I'm never going to present female to 100% of the public all of the time. (Unless I went under the knife for facial feminizing surgery.)
I know as the hormones I'm on reshape my body and as my hair grows to the point I can wear it in public; all of that will make a huge difference.
Regardless though, experiencing painful lessons and learning from them is still in my immediate  future!
Confidence and attitude keep the sharks out of the water.

Friday, January 20, 2012

You Have Now Entered the "Transition" Zone

Perhaps some  of you "more mature" readers remember "The Twilight Zone" television series.
As a youth, the  mixture of self-contained drama, psychological thriller, fantasy, science fiction, suspense, or horror, often concluding with a macabre or unexpected twist at times kept me up past bed time with the lights on.
The "Transition Zone" often has provided some of the same effects on me. I have spent sleepless nights, although not so many with the lights left on.
Drama/Suspense? Well certainly more than I would like but not as much as some would imagine. Suspense? More than I would like on occasion. How do I or how will I present as female is fading. The suspense goes with it.
Horror? Outside of the last verbal attack I sustained in the restroom not so long ago-not much thank God!
Fantasy? I'm living it! I've said many times I can not believe how fulfilling my life is becoming.
Macabre? NO!!!!!!
Psychological thriller? Depends who you talk to. I feel very normal as a transgender woman. Some would consider that alone as a psychological problem. I don't and that's all that matters.
Unexpected twists? Many of them! Anyone who thinks changing gender directions isn't a complex learning process just hasn't lived as a transgendered person. Every time I think I'm ahead of the curve and have an idea of the whole process, along comes an unexpected twist!
Science Fiction? Well, I have always been fond of a few of the short crew women's uniforms on the "Enterprise".  I know what you are thinking, doesn't that go under "fantasy"? I will never tell!!!!
I don't have much more to add from my "Transition Zone".
Now, where's my cable tv show? 

Trans Women Find Jobs Are Hard to Find

Unemployed transgendered model from India.

Where's My Chocolate Mocha Ice Cream?

I have find myself entranced again by the women in chick flix  Months ago I caught myself following intently the interaction between women and men in a certain movie I was watching-totally from a female perspective.
Now, all of a sudden again I'm watching and learning more on a whole different level.
By the luck of the draw recently, several movies came along showing  female leads being hurt deeply by the men in their lives. At one point of time I would have looked at the emotions from a male point of view. Sure the men were wrong, but what were they going to do to get themselves "out" of the predicament.I  really only considering the woman's perspective from an anger viewpoint. After all they were only being irrational females.
My, how times have changed..
Now I feel the joy, the uncertainty and the pain of the women I watch on the screen.  When I watch a close up of Katherine Hepburn staring into the eyes of Spencer Tracy, I feel her emotion.
I didn't set out to do this on purpose. I grew into it over the last year or so.
I have compared the process to one of a young girl growing up. The process of course I missed in my life.
Many times I have been asked or have wondered was I just covering up my real female self. The obvious answer is yes I probably was or maybe I was just clueless. Really. none of it matters now because the process now is now so real.
So yes I am learning and feeling and growing from the "chic flix" I watch.
The obvious benefits are the natural ones as I grow in my new world.

Please excuse me, the next movie is starting!

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Now I Went and Did It!

I have chatted with all of you over the past months or so concerning the increasing detachment I am experiencing with my male self.
Tonight I visited with a genetic female friend who I have come out to verbally-not visually.
Earlier in the day I browsed one of the local antique malls in jeans, boots and sweater. Just a blond with a touch of foundation, eye makeup and lipstick.
For tonight I washed the foundation and lipstick from my face and removed my breast forms.  I switched to guys jeans and a loose sweat shirt which hid my bra; tossed on some tennis shoes and a ball hat over my own longer hair and took off.
My goal was to show her a glimpse of my female self.  Smooth face with a hint of eye makeup, longer hair and clear nail polish was a nice start I thought.
Only she could say if it was or wasn't.
The biggest impact of the evening happened as I walked through this crowded bar feeling as a total imposter as a guy! I felt as insecure as I ever had as a girl. Wow!
It literally shook me up enough I could barely follow her conversation for a couple minutes.
I guess you really do have to watch what you wish for. Just be prepared when it happens!

Pee in Peace!

I know I have spent way too much time on this subject but items keep coming to my attention I feel are worth passing along.
As with most subjects, there are places on the web where they are addressed.
To find or list a "safe" bathroom near you go to "Safe2pee.org"
Excuse me, after all this discussion-now I have to go!

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Transgender Miss England?

By now you have probably heard about "Jackie Green."
At the age of ten, "Jack" started wearing girls uniforms to school and at the age of sixteen became Jackie officially after completing SRS. (Sex Reassignment Surgery)
At the age of 18, she is now a contestant for the "Miss England" beauty pageant!
"You Go Girl!"

I Love My Jeans!

 This is a post I wrote for another site. I love to contribute to a series of post from mainly genetic women. A look from a trans woman could be enlightening!

Yes I am a transgendered woman and I love my jeans.
Interestingly enough, I was criticized within my own culture for being so inclined.
If you are not familiar, many of "us" move through several stages before finally understanding ourselves.Very simply, we start as part time cross dressers and in some cases learn to find how much of a girl we really are.
More than once I was asked in my cross dressing phase "Why would I wear jeans? Don't you wear jeans enough as a guy?"
My answer was simple. I love jeans on women and I love them on me. As a matter of fact, I love them on me more as a girl!
As my life progressed, so did my desire to be a woman. Even to the point I am now on female hormones.
Along the way I realized how little I identified with the gay culture. It wasn't I had anything against it, gay has more to do with sexual orientation which is totally different from gender orientation.
It turns out this process really increased my fondness for jeans as I started to frequent straight venues.  Of course the great majority of women were wearing jeans. I fit right in.
Fashionably I can be correct with the right pair of boots and any number of tops or sweaters-with my jeans.
Perhaps I can compare the process as being a girl as a cross dresser to being a woman today as the hormones begin to change my body and I can fill out my jeans!

Hoosier Trans and Gay Pride!

Indiana is now the only state in the country to
offer license plates promoting awareness of lesbian, gay, bisexual and
transgender causes.

The new plates will be available beginning in February throughout the
state and feature six hands in red, orange, yellow, green, blue and
purple, which is the logo of the Indiana Youth Group.

That organization provides LGBT training for schools and service
agencies and works to promote tolerance.

The specialty plate costs an additional $40 with $25 directly
benefiting the group which provides training for schools and service
agencies and works to promote tolerance.

I actually live about an hour from the Ohio/Indiana border and have thought for years Indiana was a more progressive state in many ways and this proves it again!
More importantly, this is just more proof of the younger generation attempting to make our world a better place to live!

Man Enongh to be a Woman

Remember "Jayne County"? I do now.
"Back in the day" Jayne was seen with "Divine" (on right above) among others.
2005 picture "Jayne County"

If you would like to revisit one of our culture's more "out" individuals or see her for the first time visit her site!
"Man Enough to be a Woman".

The Crossdressing Bathroom Case

Recently I've seen an upsurge in articles concerning transgendered law. In my opinion, this is yet another incredible step forward for our culture as trans women or trans men.
The latest I've seen is from "The Seattle University Law Review"
I'm not much into the "legal languages" but I'm going to pass along the opening abstract:


"While transgender rights advocates have won many battles in the fight for equality, bathroom discrimination remains a significant obstacle to transgender people’s full participation in society. This Article discusses the reasoning behind the cases that have rejected transgender people’s discrimination claims based on bathroom exclusion. The Article then demonstrates how these arguments mirror the rationales offered by supporters of long-dead, unconstitutional cross-dressing laws. Synthesizing the two bodies of case law, Levi and Redman offer a new way forward for transgender advocates seeking bathroom equality."

Check the link of course for more.
As I have told you, restroom issues have and will continue to be a major problem for me on occasion. I never feel totally comfortable.
An article such as this at the least explained where all of the "restroom" paranoia started in this country and what is being done to combat this.
All I have ever wanted to do is just pee!!!! AND

This picture from "Autostraddle" says it all!
He Thinks We Belong in the Same Bathroom  
On the left is the "esteemed" Tennessee leigislator Richard Floyd who said this: "I believe if I was standing at a dressing room and my wife or one of my daughters was in the dressing room and a man tried to go in there — I don’t care if he thinks he’s a woman and tries on clothes with them in there — I’d just try to stomp a mudhole in him and then stomp him dry. Don’t ask me to adjust to their perverted way of thinking and put my family at risk. We cannot continue to let these people dominate how society acts and reacts. Now if somebody thinks he’s a woman and he’s a man and wants to try on women’s clothes, let him take them into the men’s bathroom or dressing room."

 On the right is is "Annika" who describes herself as a "femme lesbian" and a former USC frat boy.
A picture is worth a thousand words!

Monday, January 16, 2012

Transgendered Actress Flashback 2004

Stephanie Michelini starred in "Wildside".
About a transsexual who survives prostituting herself in Paris, returns - with her two male lovers in tow - to her family home in the countryside to look after her dying mother.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Just a Distant Tranny Cousin

By now I'm sure you have heard RuPaul's "Drag Race" is set for season four.
Perhaps you heard that "Clown Paul" used the "T" word again.
I have never taken him seriously anyhow. His existence and mine are as different as the straightest man in the world and I.  "Clown Paul's" over the top act is a disservice to transsexuals, transgenders and crossdressers alike.
Another person who really has disliked "RuClown" for a number of years is "Monica Robert's" of Transgriot who wrote a couple years ago:
"“The gay media has a bad habit of referring to RuPaul as a
transgender person when he’s not. The fact that he’s (allegedly) Black
on the outside and has a penchant for dressing up in feminine attire
doesn’t make him transgender. He’s also not highly regarded by many
people in the SGL and transgender community for his unwavering support
of a certain obese white gay man who does a blackface minstrel show.”


    “So please stop calling on him as an ‘expert’ on what the Black
transgender community or our community in general is thinking because
there are others who are far more qualified to do so than this serial
apologist for Chuck Knipp.”

Should white people be the arbiters of  appropriateness in using the
“n” word in reference to him?  Should we poll a straight men to see if
it’s acceptable to call him faggot?  No. RuPaul is a gay man that
shouldn’t have any say on who uses the “T” word.

Perez Hilton asked of Rupaul

    Do U think RuPaul has a point or should he be the next celeb
apologizing <http://perezhilton.com/2011-11-18-kelly-osbourne-apologizes-for-tranny-comments#.TxHpEyNG5K4>
for casually using the offesnive word?

I don’t think RuPaul will ever apologize, but he should. And if he
doesn’t, he should be called what he is…

an insensitive bigot. Kelly Osbourne didn’t know any better. Neil
Patrick Harris was careless. RuPaul’s statement is just arrogant,
blatant bigotry."

All so true.
I'm not so sure "Clown Paul's Drag Race Four" isn't the "Logo's" Network very own "Work It!"

More "Claudia" and Transgender Models!

Our second picture of "Claudia" in a week!

It is hard to believe that Claudia Charriez was born a man. Her past wasn’t a barrier to her extremely successful career. Claudia won America's Next Top Transsexual Model in 2009.

I have posted a couple other photos on the "Gallery" page!

Transgender Girl Scout Vote

From "TransGriot" comes a chance to vote on an important issue!
"Washington DC television station WJLA-TV in the wake of transphobes calling for a boycott of the 2012 Girl Scout cookie drive because of the admittance of trans child Bobbi Montoya is asking this question on its site.

Should the Girl Scouts allow transgender children to join?"

Follow the link to vote!

Friday, January 13, 2012

Hormonal Update

My Friday the 13th hormonal update is very exciting!
As previously reported I started on Estrogen and a Testosterone blocker on New Years Eve.
Fourteen days later I have begun to feel a very unmistakeable change in the sensistivity in my breast area. Specifically with my nipples.
I tried to have no expectations on timing and effects, but I didn't expect those little green tablets I'm taking to have much effect for at least a month. The changes have been a pleasant surprise!
My daughter just asked me yesterday morning if I had felt any effects yet and I told her "only a strange calmness". Went I went home and changed sweaters in a chilly room, I experienced a unmistaken effect.
I can only describe my feelings as elation with a new toy!
So now that changes are officially underway, my trip to the Doc on the 23rd will be a more interesting visit!

The Last Six Transgendered Misconceptions

Wow tomorrow is here quicker than I imagined! Here are "Natalie Reed's" last six reasons from her "Queereka" site. My comments are in parenthesise.
8. You’re appropriating the female body.
Appropriation is about co-opting someone else’s identity. We’re not doing that. We’re expressing our identity. It is not an act of attempting to emulate or express ourselves as The Other, we are attempting to more accurately and honestly express The Self. We don’t transition into being a new or different person. We become more ourselves. We don’t put on a mask, we take one off.
(Agreed, well said)
9. Why can’t you just accept yourself? Why not just learn to be comfortable with who you are?
( She answers it well and in depth. My answer is simple. I have accepted myself and I am comfortable.)
10. You don’t really become female. The process is only cosmetic. You’re still technically a man.
To summarize: there is no particularly valid reason to prioritize the genetic definition of sex above all other aspects of physical sex: hormones, secondary sexual characteristics, genital configuration, etc. Chromosomes actually don’t play nearly as much of a role in human sexual differentiation as we often think they do. The Y chromosome is mostly deteriorating junk DNA that’s only real function is to turn the gonads into testes. In an XX cell, one of the X chromosomes is deactivated. As such, there’s no real functional difference between a “female” cell and a “male” cell. The process of sexual differentiation in humans is not genetic in nature, but hormonal.
(That's quite the answer and a little too complex for my small brain. My simplistic answer goes back to the difference between gender and sex. I always will be a biological male and a mental female. It just could be I'm a better woman than some females.)
11. Drag queens, transsexuals, transgenders, cross-dressers, what’s the difference?
(Big discussion, she does an in depth discussion. Much too long for my train of thought here.)
12. Transsexuality is just an invention of the modern medical establishment, a symptom of Western culture.
13. You’re infiltrating women’s spaces and making them unsafe.
First of all, we are women. So there’s that.
I’m not sure why whatever discomfort may arise from a cis woman’s hang-ups about the thought of a trans woman in the same bathroom or changing room or whatever, and the perceived risk, should take precedence over the extreme discomfort and actual physical risk that a trans woman would be forced to endure in using men’s facilities.
An argument I’ve encountered repeatedly is “well what’s to stop some male rapist or child molester or voyeur from putting on some lipstick, claiming to be transgender, and then sexually assaulting your daughters!”  (Ominous scary organ chord!).
(A topic near and dear to my heart. We have discussed the fact that I think the whole problem stems from the fact that some women still hang to some sort of archaic idea the ladies room is some sort of a mystical retreat from the world and a sanction for sisterhood. BUT
The "room" is also the last and easiest way to attack trans women.
My opinion is the world is changing, We are being perceived as transgendered women in a restroom. Not some guy in a dress.

Another Transgendered Positive!

If you have read about the transphobic assault in the Tennessee legislature about transgendered use of public restrooms-here is an enlightening poll.
From the "Chattanooga Time's Free Press" comes this poll:
"Should transgendered individuals be required to use the rest room of their birth gender?
By a vote of 1034 to 135, the voters responded with a resounding NO!
One of the 135 was the woman who verbally attacked me in a restroom recently. (Except I don't live in Tennessee).
If you have followed the story about the bill in Tennessee, I just saw on the "Free Press" site the bill ( new anti-transgender “bathroom bill”  filed in Tennessee’s General Assembly today by a Republican state Senator.) did not get a sponsor under "breaking news".
So hold off on your nasty thoughts!
Thanks B! for the lead!

13 Misconceptions About Trans Women

Well, at least 7 in this post.
Natalie Reed from the "Skepchick" site came up with the first seven and teased us with the other six which are coming tomorrow in another post.
To save you the time and effort of reading all the first seven, here are the highlights. Of course you can check the link for a complete look at basic trans women myths.
1. Trans women are just really, really, REALLY gay.
False, sex and gender are two radically different issues. (Agree!)
2. So you’re going to get your penis cut off and 3.- we all want a sex change operation.
False. (Agree! Although I understand why most uneducated people would think so. Some of us have already changed sex mentally!)
4. “It’s a trap” / Trans women are just gay guys trying to attract straight dudes.
False of course. (Very complex issue. I can be an egotist of sorts and say the men who are attracted to us need to decide their sexuality. In my case I'm just in the world being me. If either gender is attracted to me, it's their decision.)
5.  Aren’t you sort of reinforcing stereotypical gender roles? Aren’t you just going along with the idea that having a feminine personality means you must be female? Doesn’t that perpetuate the idea that there are certain ways women and men are “supposed” to be like?
Natalie has a long answer for this and no easy answer but I do. (I am reinforcing a feminine stereotype. She is me and I am her.Some of my genetic girlfriends sometimes say I'm such a girl and I am. Stereotype or not.)
6. If our culture didn’t have such strict gender roles, there would be no need for transition.
( Blah, blah, blah! So what?)
7. You’re so brave! (Good one! Natalie finishes on a high note!)
She writes:  "No. That’s a lovely idea, it is, and thank you. I do appreciate the sentiment and we often enjoy hearing that kind of thing. It’s an enormously tempting  idea, too, and hard to give up. It would be terrific to believe that I’m this wonderfully brave, courageous, strong woman who overcame unimaginable odds to assert her true self without compromise to a hostile, bigoted world. But it just isn’t true. We aren’t brave. We’re scared shitless and in tremendous pain and desperate for a way out, and don’t really have much of a choice."
(Agreed-totally! Her last line says it all!)

I'm interested in her last 6 reasons as she has covered quite a bit of ground so far. I will try to follow her and give you more information!

A Transgendered "Epic"

My first remembrances of "Nikki Araguz" go back a century or so (seems like it!) to a couple Jerry Springer Shows.
I believe the first time I saw her was when she appeared with a genetic blond female friend who said Nikki all of the sudden starting living as a woman and showed up as a party. She added that it was no real surprise but the way Nikki was acting as a female was.
A guy then appeared on the show and said he was "fooled" by her and the sexual activity that resulted.
Turns out this was just the beginning for Nikki's transgendered life in the spotlight.
Years later I read a story about the transsexual wife of a fallen Texas firefighter and it turned out to be the same Nikki.
Of course the fireman's family and seemingly the whole state of Texas came out against her receiving any benefits.
Nikki Araguz

To follow her story go to KTRK TV's site in Houston and see no less than ten stories.
I believe she would be a very compelling person to talk to about  her life.
She is appealing her insurance case, so we haven't heard the end from her yet!

Transgendered "Admirer" Survey

Thanks to Vallin, I'm passing this along to all of you. Not long ago I posted "Transgendered Admirers".
As he mentioned, only in our transgendered culture, a person who is attracted to us is labeled  an "admirer"-not always a positive!
Not only is there a site (TransOrientated.com) dedicated to men attracted to transgendered or transsexual women, there is also a survey:
The prestigious North Western University in Chicago, Illinois is conducting a detailed survey or transoriented men, or what they call men with gynandromorphophilia or men who have a sexual attraction to she-males or transwomen. .
If you are intrigued by men who are attracted to transwomen like us, this is a great site to check out!

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Ride The Wild Transgendered Surf!

Former world No.1 Peter Drouyn has covered a lot of ground since
quitting competitive surfing more than three decades ago. He opened a
modelling school on the Gold Coast, learnt to speak Mandarin and
introduced surfing to mainland China. He studied acting at the
National Institute of Dramatic Art in Sydney, even appearing in films,
including The Odd Angry Shot. He also studied civil engineering and,
in 2005, qualified as a solicitor. Oh, and he became a woman.

Transgendered Model Claudia Charriez

Popular Drag Queen!

Mrs T, a Manchester-born singer, comedian and cabaret star, saw the number of visitors to his website spike from 500 a day to as many as 10,000.

Those numbers almost equal "Stana" at "Femulate"!

Buy More Girl Scout Cookies!

It is no surprise that the backlash over a young transgender girl joining the girl scouts would reach the cookie market.
The new "Cookie Monster" in this case is a young robotic 14 year girl calling for a boycott of girl scout cookies.
Check "Jezebel" for one take on the story.
Then, let me spin it my own personal way.
My daughter and granddaughter are very active in girl scouting. My granddaughter did hear the story and asked Mom what a transsexual was.
As I have told you all, my daughter is incredibly supportive of my transgender status and we have discussed when and how to tell the grand kids.
In this instance, my daughter just explained what a transsexual or transgendered person was. She then stepped back and let daughter come to her own conclusions. The conclusion was-there wasn't one. Granddaughter shrugged it off and went on with her life.
When the time comes to discuss my transgendered transition, daughter plans on using the girl scout example as a great lead in!
I love scouting in my family and I will buy more cookies!

No Work for Delhi's Transgendered Models

From the "Hindustin Times"
While Australian male model Andrej Pejic has struck million-dollar deals shooting for women’s clothing, Delhi’s own transgender models, as stunning as they look, are denied a fair chance thanks to homophobia.
Saloni (born Rahul Monga), with her porcelain skin, dimpled cheeks, and 36-24-26 frame, can give a complex to any woman. But, when the 21-year-old law student approached a coordinator with her portfolio and admitted that she was biologically, a man, he demanded a hefty fee for her ‘unusual gender’. “After keeping me waiting for months, he pushed me out of his office saying ‘tum to na aurat ho na mard ho, tumko kaun kaam dega.” (you are niether man nor woman, who will give you work)
 Chahat (born Danish Khan), 23, the winner of Queer Queen 2010 (a beauty competition organised by Space Foundation, a gay rights NGO), could also never get a break due to discrimination. “I have always wanted to model and after winning the competition, my confidence shot up. Coordinators were very impressed by my pictures, but when they got to know about my gender, they asked me if I could please men, and shooed me away,” she says.
Modelling agencies say it’s not easy to convince clients. “Not many would be convinced about using transgender models for a shoot,” says Pranav Awasthi of Glitz Modeling. Others feel it’s time the industry got rid of prejudice. “A person’s gender is of no concern to a designer. If a transgender blends into my concept, I will work with her,” says designer Rina Dhaka. Ad guru Alyque Padamsee says, “Transgender models must write to the Advertising Standard Council of India against discrimination.”

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

A Child's View of Being Transgendered.

As I put more thought into a post I wrote (What is to Become of Me) about the full time girl I am becoming, I came up with anther thought.
Will I ever lose the joy I feel now? I can only compare it with a Christmas Day and a child.
I'm sure my feelings will subside but I'm not ready to give up on Santa yet!
My summer goal still remains to stroll down a line of shops or through a festival with a sleeveless top and my own hair softly tickling my bare back.
Hopefully in another 6 months, the hormones will be making changes in body allowing me to fill out a pair of women's jeans a touch better.  We will have to see what kind of gift Santa's hormones will bring.
My only problem is I have never been one to have much patience waiting for anything But waiting I am!
So far everything I have waited for has been worth it and I'm sure nothing will change that.
Certainly 2011 was kind to me. I was able to effectively close another chapter of my life and make wonderful discoveries in the friends and experiences areas.
At this point in my life I consider myself a "big play" person. I'm always looking for that special unforgettable  experience such as my New Year's Eve!
Of course I know realistically those experiences just don't come along many times but if you don't set yourself up in situations that they could-they never will. That is my goal for 2012.
I'm a true believer in life is too short.
I just hope I'm good enough so Santa doesn't forget me until it's too late!

Another Must Read!

Another dear friend of mine sent me this a week or so ago, and in one of my new blond (or senior) moments it just escaped me!
I have started to follow another very entertaining blog called "Jessica Who" and she featured it recently.
So here it is! Follow the "Huffington Post" link. It's called "Dear Customer Who Stuck Up For His Little Brother."
Even if you have seen it before it is worth seeing again and if you haven't been to Jessica's blog, make that jump too!
Thanks my friend for the lead!

"Gayest Cities In America"

From the Advocate comes their third annual list.

The Advocate, a prominent publication for the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender communities, has come out with its third annual list of the "Gayest Cities in America." And the list has critics buzzing.
An intro to the article says The Advocate is ignoring well-known gay havens such as San Francisco, Provincetown, West Hollywood and Northampton, Mass., and focusing on "the per capita queerness of some less expected locales."
The winners, some very surprising:
By Douglas Pulsipher, Salt Lake CVB
1. Salt Lake City2. Orlando
3. Cambridge, Mass.
4. Fort Lauderdale
5. Seattle
6. Ann Arbor, Mich.
7. St. Paul and Minneapolis
8. Knoxville, Tenn.
9. Atlanta
10. Grand Rapids, Mich.
11. Little Rock, Ark.
12. Portland, Ore.
13. Austin
14. Long Beach
15. Denver
Those who take issue with the list are legion. Comments on The Advocate site include: "Grand Rapids, Michigan? LOL!" ... "How Palm Springs and Miami are not on the list SHOCKS me. Salt Lake -- really?"

My own personal surprise was that Columbus, Ohio wasn't on the list and I have to agree about Salt Lake. Didn't think the Mormon's had it in them!

What is to Become of Me?

I passed along a post (Natural Woman) not long ago when BFF asked what sort of style woman would I become when I went full time.
Would I put as much time and effort into my hair, makeup and style as I do now.
Indirectly the same subject came up as a chatted with a transwoman who was actually working as a female. When the conversation came to makeup and hair and fashion, she essentially said "well, I used to do more of that stuff when I was a crossdresser."
Once again after thinking about the comment. (Which I considered to be yet another slight at the hands of a "more advanced" trans life form.) How would I be?
I can tell you I won't change that much. As much as I see a great percentage of the genetic female population ignore their image; I see many more excel at theirs.
If the higher "trans life forms" want to blend with the bland genetic females that is their right.
I feel my right is also a priviledge to exercise my life as a transwoman to be as stylish and attractive as I can.
Why would I have come this far to do less?
BUT if you look like trans actress "Jamie Clayton" in this picture...
Go for it!

In a Blond State of Mind.

Every now and then I'm a true believer in a woman's right to change her mind. This is one of these times.
I've passed along my hair stories more than once.
To catch everyone up my own hair has now grown down over my ears and I can actually feel it on my neck and bare back if I tilt my head back at all.
Much of my thought pattern these days is what color I should go to first on the wonderful day when I can get my hair styled and colored.
Over the past months, I was a big believer in presenting in a uniform manner with a consistent style and hair color.
I settled on a dark look which you see a picture of at the top of this blog. The picture was taken not long ago.  In addition I have a couple other wigs of approximately the same color although the other two were straight hair and one was shorter in length.
The only time I varied was I was a redhead on new years eve.
As I become closer to decision time, I have decided to try the blond style a try again.
The blond style I have is longish and straight and could be described as an "ash blond" in color show it's not a real showy blond and is closer to being age appropriate. (whatever that is!)
The next step is to run it past BFF and see what she thinks.
It's sort of ironic when I come to a point where I think experimentation is over, it may be just beginning!

Cyrsti's Closet

I'm trying to get into a routine of least once a week writing just an overall look at life.
This week is sort of a middle point of this month in several ways.
I'm 12 days or so in my HRT and about 12 days away from my check up with my prescribing doc.
The only real change I'm feeling so far is an incredible sense of well being on occasion. I don't know if it's physically based (from the hormones) or mentally based (because I am taking them) but then again it doesn't matter because it is real.
Other than that, life has settled into a very different routine.
Not working a regular job has been scary and liberating -all wrapped into one.
Scary as in financial considerations and liberating as in being able to really concentrate on my writings and selling antiques.
All in all I'm trying to take a breather before life sweeps me away again as it always does.
I'm sure it won't be long before life opens my door again and says "come on girl, it's time to go!"
One thing is for sure, I'll be ready for the knock on the door!

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

"Trannier than Thou?"

I understand this phrase has been used for awhile but in my protected little world I have never heard it until this morning.
As luck would have it I also came across a blog by "Jane Fae" which covers the subject again.
Over the years, I have found the cat fights within the transgender community to be simply worthless.
I cannot believe so much energy is wasted on the topic.
Here is an excerpt from Jane's blog:

"So why didn’t i transition years back? How come i’ve lived the life
i’ve lived: enjoyed, as some would have it, a life of privilege; and
only now, with everything else done and dusted, come to a realisation
that a large chunk of the past was built upon a mistake?

Because, of course, there are those – purists – within the great trans
diaspora who take a very dim view of this late transitioning thing.
Why, they argue: if you transition after you’ve been married, or had
kids, you’re not proper. If you transition after teenhood, you’re not
proper. If you didn’t know, aged 7 and three-quarters…

If you didn’t transition in your mother’s womb you’re not a true transwoman."

Even though I agree with her, the whole argument gets so tiresome!
I have seen so much intellectual energy wasted on this by groups with in our community. Mostly on the so called big transgendered blogs. Time and energy which could be used to help our community.
Who cares if radical feminists don't like us anyhow? Isn't that why they are "radical"?
Can't we all just get along? Sometimes it seems all the estrogen and such ingested in what ever sort of male body seems to bring out more than a few of the bad female traits.

Certainly being "trannier than now" helps no one and is counter productive to our community.
So I said it and now I can get back to my life. Thanks for listening (or reading!)

It's All Fun Till Someone Puts An Eye Out

Sort of a crazy title? Well no one has ever accused me of taking the easy out or doing things normal.

But what does that have to do about putting an eye out?
Simple! All this time I was having fun and games and it took me this long to find out I was in a game until now.
No more hiding behind the makeup when my male life became too rough. No more weekend forays into the female world.
My life now makes my past seem like playtime.
Not that is bad. Children learn from playing and come out with two eyes. So did I.
All this time I was feeling sorry for myself for having such a late transgendered start. I really wasn't. From the age of 10 or so I was playing and learning in preparation for this part of my life.
The confidence I'm feeling now may be coming from the fact the fun is over and I still have two eyes!

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Male vs Female Transgendered Aggression

First and foremost the following post is only written from my experiences and a very difficult post to write.
More than difficult-painful. Please remember I'm knocking on the closest piece of wood (my head) that karma doesn't bring any future pain to me.
Also consider I don't present 100% female, working on it but still identifiable as  transwoman  to many. I'm OK with that.
Finally, none of this is intended as a sympathy ploy, information only. I have considered the sources and I'm past it.
My idea for the post came after conversing with a friend about her no men preferences. I went on to explain why I personally don't believe in that.
As I was going through the reasons, my final one was that four times as many women have been aggressively mean to me as men .I've been lucky. I've out in the public as a woman for at least 10 years. (The last three nearly 100% of my leisure time.) Here's my total Women 4-Men 0.
I have had the cops called on me, been called a exhibitionist and verbally berated. All came from my use of the women's rest room facilities. Of course I look at using the women's room as a necessity number one. Come on, am I going to use the men's room dressed as I am? That's looking for more trouble that I don't want to even imagine. Really. I'm just trying to pee and go my own way.
Of course I have my reasons why genetic women have been so nasty with me. Two out of four were probably 65 or older. They were raised in an era when genders were male or female or hidden. Neither probably had a clue what a transgendered person is. One got her daughter to abuse me for being an exhibitionist? Really? You have to work to be an exhibitionist in a women's room with locked stalls. That experience hurt deeply.
The cop call came from an "unspecified source". I assume from the women who were watching when I went in. The police woman who responded was very professional and nice so the whole experience was just more than embarrassing than anything else. Over and done.
The final one was I truly believe envy driven. That night I just happened to be receiving a ton of positive feedback from women in the pub except her. She just happened to use the women's room as a place to corner me for a little "girl talk" which started with the word "Dude" and went down hill from there.
The reason for the unbalanced score is simple and certainly doesn't excuse men who commit the true violence against transgender people.
In my case I had the nerve to invade the sacred female refuge-the restroom. Enough is enough. Who does he think he is dressed as an attractive female and sitting across from me eating like a normal person???
No matter how advanced (or not) I was in my transition. In their eyes I was nothing more than a man in the women's room. What they don't realize is I and transwomen like me are the future. We aren't going away. The youngest of the four aggressors was at least 35 and they are on the way out. Like it or not the younger generation for the most part could care less. They are being positively influenced by more than a couple positive media images of us for a change.
Believe me all of this is not the main reason I don't exclude men from my social interactions. It doesn't matter much anyway. Most men are so insecure about their sexuality, a transwoman is the last person they want to interact with.
My personal solution to the problem is simple. Women such as that are not stopping me from living my life. Maybe one day I will be completely presentable as a female and it won't matter.
But you know it will always matter to me as long as any of my transgender sisters struggle with acceptance.
In the mean time I just don't want those poor misunderstood men to suffer! Just kidding! I had to add a little humor to such a painful post.


A must read for all of you in a relationship with a spouse. Specifically a wife who is witnessing your transgender situation!
Follow this link.
Thanks so very much for sharing "Sherri". It means a lot!

Love at Second Sight

 Barry and Anne Watson wanted to renew their
­marriage vows nine years after their first wedding.
This time around transgendered Barry is now called Jayne.
For awhile Anne resisted the idea of her husband becoming a woman. "Ain't" love grand!

Saturday, January 7, 2012

The Transgender Potential

I know we all feel the pain of any of the transitions we do or are contemplating doing on our transgendered journey.
Of course transsexuals feel the most physical and financial pain due to SRS. That means absolutely nothing to the crossdressers who are hiding in the closet. The constant stress of hiding their feelings to family and friends is huge. I will throw transgendered people into the category between the two. No favors there! Often a transgendered person is making life choices concerning hormones or more.
Whatever category I have pushed you into, we all have the potential to use our transwoman status for the good.
My BFF has told me a number of times I have a unique chance to reinvent myself and she is right. The challenge to the process for me is to take as much of the good from both genders.
This of course is no unique idea. The movie "Tootsie" comes to mind as an example of a man who crosses gender lines and becomes enlightened.
Now, I don't know if enlightened is the right term.
I do know when we do cross the gender barrier it's a huge mistake if we don't bring our positive baggage with us.
I also know a gender change is not a personality change. The change however can be a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a special person. Very few humans have the opportunity to live the lives we do.
Sure, it was painful getting here. Hopefully the journey will be worth the pain!

Friday, January 6, 2012

Top 10 Reasons I Enjoy Being a Transgendered Woman

I wrote this quick post for another site I contribute to and I thought I would share it with you.
It is quite shallow and covers many stereotypes. I know you all know me pretty well so you can fill in the blanks,
Remember also the post went to a group with a majority of genetic women.

1.- My life experiences have become so much more intense
2.-I can enjoy the full spectrum of female fashion
3.-I can feel positively wonderful as a woman
4.-Men open doors for me
5.-I have an understanding of what both genders feel.
6.-I'm allowed to touch and be touched appropriately
7.-Girlfriend relationships are so nice!
8.-I have found being a woman is a mental state of mind. Being female is a birth situation.
9.-I love the attention from both genders. **
10.-Because I Can!

** When it's positive of course!

Hormone Happenings

Well as hard as it is to believe, tomorrow will mark week one on estrogen and a "T" blocker.
As expected, not much to report.
If anything I'm feeling more relaxed as a person but that's it.
It's all good! I'm not going to take the whole bottle of "E" and ask for more.
The third attempt at checking my testosterone should be back by next week and my next real appointment with any Doc is the latter part of the month.
It is time to lay back and let the hormones do their work! I'll let you know with weekly updates. Thanks!

Cyrsti's Closet

Lets open the door and see what's there!
"Out.Com" recently ran an article on Hollywood female stars who played men in movies. Out of 7 stars, Cate Blanchett scored the highest.  
Cate as Bob Dylan

Also from Hollywood comes the story about a powerful director "groping" his transgendered niece at a gym. Allegedly she told him her hormone therapy made one of her breasts larger and he checked!
Oscar-nominated film director David O. Russell is being investigated
by police in Florida for allegedly groping the breasts of a
19-year-old woman described as his niece though they are not
blood-related, reports TMZ (pictured above)

Well, the closet is pretty messy today!

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Transgendered Admirers

In the complex gendered world we live in, if you are a transsexual, transgendered person or a crossdresser chances are you have encountered an "admirer".
Admirer by definition is a male person who is attracted to one of us. As with any label I know for a fact many men are embarrassed by it.
"Vallin" who follows the blog (and I seemingly run into all over the internet) is a man who speaks to the subject.
One of the longest running threads on "Pink Essence" was started by a man who was attracted to transgendered women.  Vallin's comments on the subject were classic and it was Vallin who sent me this site to take a look at.
"Transpinay Rising" is a blog written by a Filipina transgendered activist and is called "On the Men Who Fancy Us."
Here are some highlights:

There are three persistent memes about men who fancy transwomen. First, is the view of transwomen about the men who fancy them: “These men are just using us to fulfill a sexual fantasy.” Second, the view of general society about these men: “These men are perverts.” And third: “These men are ‘really’ gay men who can’t accept they are gay.

“These men are just using us to fulfill a sexual fantasy…”

What is sexual fantasy? In their paper “Sexual Fantasy”, Harold Leintenberg and Kris Henning defined sexual fantasy as “almost any mental imagery that is sexually arousing or erotic to an individual.” As sexual beings gifted with the faculty of imagination, we all have sexual fantasies; and most of the time, fulfilling a sexual fantasy includes another person. If we all have sexual fantasies, and if we all fulfill some, if not all, of them with another person (or persons, if you will), what then do transwomen find objectionable about the men who fancy them, who transwomen say are “just” fulfilling a sexual fantasy? In order to have a meaningful exploration of this question, we need to know the context from which this view of transwomen comes.

Perhaps it’s safe to say that in all parts of the world, we, transwomen didn’t grow up in societies that positively accept us for who we are. In our growing years, we transwomen experienced rejection from all social institutions (e.g. the family, school, church) that are supposed to be there to serve as nurturing and nourishing agents to the flourishing of our beings. Furthermore the rejection that transwomen face is not just the typical rejection that starts and ends with a No. Each door that closes to us bears a sign: “You should be ashamed of yourselves." We get so insecure of ourselves: our bodies, our abilities, our existence.

Everyone, of course, has experienced what it means to be rejected. Indeed being rejected can strengthen our fortitude. But if rejection is such a recurring and persistent and systematic loop of events in your life, healing becomes more difficult, leading you to easily build walls of suspicion around yourself. This type of rejection is what deeply breeds fear.

In this state of being rejected and shamed, cynicism becomes an addictive escape. In the comforts of our solitude, our tears carry the dolorous melody of the most mind-boggling question: “Why?” But deep inside our hearts is the ancient longing for the exquisite joy and pain of loving and being loved by someone; however, the ghosts of being rejected and shamed turn love into a Sisyphean task.

Then we encounter a surge of men who fancy us….

Suddenly, we are desired for “what we are.” Porn, dating sites, chat rooms, bars where men can go to meet us sprang like mushrooms. Our hungry egos suddenly got its food: Attention. From being untouchables, we become “desirables.” To be lavished with this kind of attention provides such a great pull out of our “untouchable status." Being rejected and shamed almost all of our lives, we find this attention as an irresistible novelty in our lives, which is so refreshing, so fascinating, so addicting, so ego-inflating! In the TS women’s dating/hook-up scene, two terms are being used to describe these men: Tranny Chaser and Tranny Admirer (My view about these terms will be discussed later).

At first, we became so captivated by the novelty of this attention: Remember how a gazillion of men replied the first time you ever posted an ad on a dating site? How at least ten private windows popped in your screen after you entered a chat room? How men go gaga over the girls in those TS bars? And of course, we find it intriguing that one of the fastest growing and in-demand genre of porn is those that feature us (well, most specially those that feature pre-op and non-op TS women).

But sooner or later, comes a rude awakening. The attention becomes a tiring cycle, a suffocating prison, a source of suspicion. And in our solitude, the whispers of our need for a more meaningful relationship flutter from our depths to beat on the palm of our reflection. We ask: “What do these men want from us?” We take a survey of what’s happening around us. We see BS after BS thrown to us by men after men. We see everywhere an extravagant objectification of our bodies and over-sexualization of our being transgender. It seems that it is “only” through sex these men want to connect with us, that every eye gazing at us just seeks to undress us rather than dive into the depths of our being. Just how many men we've encountered treated us like an exciting dirty secret that they are so afraid to be discovered by their friends, family, colleagues, and, ehem, wives?

And outside porn, are there any visual representations of what it means to be with a transwoman? You can easily count the movies, television shows, or documentaries that are charming, re-assuring, love-affirming, non-sensationalizing, non-sexualized depiction of relationships between a transwoman and a man. This context is such a fertile ground for the paranoia that “We are just sex objects.” Now, add into this, the social-rejection burden that we carry on our shoulders and Voila! we resort to playing the role of a victim who escapes into the hell of cynicism, indulging in self-pity and, worse, self-sabotage. We then unconsciously project this cynicism, self-pity, and self-sabotage in every relationship that we enter into. It takes tremendous depth of emotional intelligence, an integrated sense of self-awareness, and courage to rise above this unconsciousness. It can be such a tall order to transcend the pain that we carry, but it is necessary if we want to invite serenity and stability to enter into our lives and our relationships.

As you can read, she goes totally in depth and even I (with my short attention span) followed most of it.
My own simplified version is simple.
Initially as a transwoman we are validated as females by male attention. (The same as most women.)
When we become sex objects the situation changes. The majority of transwomen are not the kind of girl a guy brings home to Mom and the family. The romantic part of a relationship is out with most men.
But hey! The bottom line is that they are just men and in many ways we face the same obstacles with them as genetic women.

Sink or Swim

Image from Trans Wellness Event.  Jessie Hart Archives.  Many times when I first entered the world as a new cross dresser or femininized mal...