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| Image from Buddha Elemental 10 on UnSplash. |
The main question I have is, have I ever achieved gender parity as I have gone this far in my male to female transition.
During my earliest days in the world as a novice transgender
woman, I learned the hard way when I presented as a woman properly, I lost a
portion of my intelligence immediately. Especially when I had the rare occasion
to interact one on one with a man. My tow truck driver, for example, is my best
one when one night when I first decided to go out on my own, my car broke down
on a fairly busy road. Much to my chagrin, my problem attracted a well-meaning
policeman, so I had him and the tow driver to deal with.
The first thing they did was huddle together and decide
which route was the best way to get my car back to my house…without me. Who was
I anyhow? Just a blond that needed help finding her way home, I guess. Then,
when I was forced to ride back with my car in the cab of the truck, I found how
much intelligence I had really lost. I was forced to act like I knew nothing
about how his tow truck worked when in fact I did know a wheel was round and
the cables on the truck were very strong. Before the short trip was over, I
even found out what lunch his wife had packed him for work. I suppose I should
have been happy, nothing out of the ordinary happened and he never seemed to
let on he was helping a trans girl.
Through all of my early days of learning the gender parity I
was experiencing, I needed to learn to keep my mouth shut around men and try to
soothe their egos and the exact opposite around ciswomen. I threatened men and
for the most part they ignored me, and women were curious and wanted to know
what I was doing in their world. In my life as a man, I had never attracted so
much female attention. While I was flattered, I tried my best to learn from all
the new interactions I was having because often, all was not at it seemed with
other women. When I played in their sandbox, I needed to learn all of their
rules to achieve any amount of parity. Quickly I learned a smiling face did not
always mean an accepting woman when passive aggression set in. I had one brutal
night when I was caught just talking to a woman’s husband when she went to the
rest room. When she came back, she was not happy with me and soon after the
couple left the venue and I was left with claw marks down my back. Lesson
learned.
The older I get, the more I think the reaction from toxic
men in society is a reaction to gender parity. More than ever before, women are
trying to step up and be the quality leaders we so desperately need. I can use
my trans grandchild who uses the they and them pronouns as an example as they
just started a job as a nuclear engineer following a graduation from The Ohio
State University. They got a job as a civilian with the Navy so I hope they can
be successful before the current batch of felons in Washington catches up with them.
But that is a topic for another blog post.
One thing is for sure, when you jump the binary gender
border from male to female, you will feel an instant change. I could no longer
rely on size and bluster to get me by in the world with my male privilege. In
order to be successful in the new feminine world I was in, I needed to be
better as a transgender woman. I had to study and be comfortable I all the
feminine areas such as restroom etiquette. Out were the days of just going to
the men’s room and ignoring everyone else and in were the days of looking other
women in the eye and smiling. For the most part, gender parity at that time
meant being accepted in the world of women. How to start or continue a
conversation beginning with an innocent compliment became important to me.
Right or wrong, any gender parity with men faded in
importance with me as my lesbian friends taught me how important self-validation
was without a man. I knew and my friends knew I was a valued person in their
eyes, even though I had come to my womanhood from another path.
As society tries to minimize our importance as women, especially
transgender women, it is time to realize the unique circumstances that brought
us to the place we are today. And what we can add to our broken society in the future.
So, I have achieved gender parity in my own way.
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