Last week, we lost of our long time vehicles (a 2001 Ford Focus) to a fatal injury to the engine. So that took us down to our other car, another old Ford Focus. Now it is in the repair shop, hopefully for a set of new of new rear wheel bearings only.
Since Liz works from home, possibly the only main distraction we will suffer from our schedule is the cross dresser- transgender karaoke social Friday night. So, we shall see about it happening.
The best case scenario is the wheel bearings will be under warranty and I will have to pay for labor only. Then I will have to hitch up my big girl panties and go back into the repair shop to pay for and get my car.
I don't know why I still feel so reticent about doing it because I have always been treated with courtesy but I still do. Maybe I always will.
Thursday, February 28, 2019
Wednesday, February 27, 2019
Cross Dressing and Gender Dysphoria
I couldn't help but share this comment from Connie on the subject of transgender women, cross dressers and Mtf gender dysphoria:
Thanks for such an insightful post!
Tuesday, February 26, 2019
Transgender Support Meeting
Last night was one of the twice a month transgender - cross dresser support group meetings. It was sparsely attended due in no small part to a couple of regulars who are in the hospital. One had a heart attack and the other just went through a complex operation to remove a brain tumor. Both had the habit of adding quite a bit to the discussions. Fortunately (or not) I was able to step in with discussions of my own.
The first had to do with volunteering to work the front door at this years' Cincinnati Witches Ball Halloween party. As I wrote before, my request was met with shock by the lead organizer. On the spur of the moment, I decided I was not going to sit on the sidelines anymore and to hell with being trans...I was going to step up. The rest of the meeting became so dis-orientated due to internal squabbles and a very noisy young boys basketball team who disrupted everything else. At the least, I am satisfied I stepped up to help the ball and volunteer for a very important and complicated job.
For the last several years, we have also set up at Cincinnati Pride, which has become a huge event and I volunteered to get us registered for that. It too was lost in the dust of the mess of a meeting. Oh well.
My first topic last night involved my quest to present a workshop again at this years 2019 Trans Ohio Symposium. I have decided gender dysphoria will be my central topic. My proposal has to be in by Thursday.
Ironically, one of my assumptions about dysphoria was shattered by the moderator of the group last night. When I mentioned what I was going to try to do, she stuck her nose up in the air and said she had never experienced any Mtf gender dysphoria at all. We got into a brief give and take about what dysphoria really meant and how it was possible she never felt the pulling and tugging of the two main gender binaries. It was an eye opening experience for me.
Finally, towards the end of the meeting, we somehow ended up discussing how Victoria's Secret doesn't use transgender models and even how I don't support Chick Fil A with any of my money. Of course she said she does because she considers herself a role model of sorts for trans people everywhere by proving she could eat there. I simply said since she does have quite a bit of passing privilege, her attempts were wasted because no one knew anyhow. All she was doing was contributing to the profit margins of an anti LGBTQ company. After another person said if we stop going to all the companies who don't support us, we wouldn't have any place to go. I had to step back in and point out that wasn't true either. Cincinnati alone has several big companies who are pro LGBTQ including Kroger grocery stores, Fifth Third Bank, Procter and Gamble and Pure Romance.
So, all in all it was an exciting couple of days.
The first had to do with volunteering to work the front door at this years' Cincinnati Witches Ball Halloween party. As I wrote before, my request was met with shock by the lead organizer. On the spur of the moment, I decided I was not going to sit on the sidelines anymore and to hell with being trans...I was going to step up. The rest of the meeting became so dis-orientated due to internal squabbles and a very noisy young boys basketball team who disrupted everything else. At the least, I am satisfied I stepped up to help the ball and volunteer for a very important and complicated job.
For the last several years, we have also set up at Cincinnati Pride, which has become a huge event and I volunteered to get us registered for that. It too was lost in the dust of the mess of a meeting. Oh well.
My first topic last night involved my quest to present a workshop again at this years 2019 Trans Ohio Symposium. I have decided gender dysphoria will be my central topic. My proposal has to be in by Thursday.Ironically, one of my assumptions about dysphoria was shattered by the moderator of the group last night. When I mentioned what I was going to try to do, she stuck her nose up in the air and said she had never experienced any Mtf gender dysphoria at all. We got into a brief give and take about what dysphoria really meant and how it was possible she never felt the pulling and tugging of the two main gender binaries. It was an eye opening experience for me.
Finally, towards the end of the meeting, we somehow ended up discussing how Victoria's Secret doesn't use transgender models and even how I don't support Chick Fil A with any of my money. Of course she said she does because she considers herself a role model of sorts for trans people everywhere by proving she could eat there. I simply said since she does have quite a bit of passing privilege, her attempts were wasted because no one knew anyhow. All she was doing was contributing to the profit margins of an anti LGBTQ company. After another person said if we stop going to all the companies who don't support us, we wouldn't have any place to go. I had to step back in and point out that wasn't true either. Cincinnati alone has several big companies who are pro LGBTQ including Kroger grocery stores, Fifth Third Bank, Procter and Gamble and Pure Romance.
So, all in all it was an exciting couple of days.
Monday, February 25, 2019
Trans Ohio
It's hard to believe but sign up time for the 2019 version of the "Trans Ohio Symposium" is here.
My only real decision at this point is if I am going to present another workshop of some sort this year. At this point I am thinking of one of two topics. the first is a variation of last year's presentation called "Fifty Years of Hitting Transgender Walls" or, "Gender Dysphoria, the Root of all Evil?" It's probably going to be a "game time decision" when I send my application in.
A decision on choosing the presentation on gender dysphoria may appeal to more people simply due to the number of transgender men who attend, plus it may appeal more to a younger audience. Also, if I use the blog as an example, MtF transgender dysphoric posts have always had a good response.
One way or another, the presentation has to be accepted anyway, so there is no guarantee I would be doing it anyway.
We will see!
My only real decision at this point is if I am going to present another workshop of some sort this year. At this point I am thinking of one of two topics. the first is a variation of last year's presentation called "Fifty Years of Hitting Transgender Walls" or, "Gender Dysphoria, the Root of all Evil?" It's probably going to be a "game time decision" when I send my application in.
A decision on choosing the presentation on gender dysphoria may appeal to more people simply due to the number of transgender men who attend, plus it may appeal more to a younger audience. Also, if I use the blog as an example, MtF transgender dysphoric posts have always had a good response.
One way or another, the presentation has to be accepted anyway, so there is no guarantee I would be doing it anyway.
We will see!
Sunday, February 24, 2019
Now it's the Wind
Today Liz and I are headed out in 40 mile per hour wind gusts to what could be a contentious Cincinnati Witches Ball meeting. The main organizer of the event has overstepped her power and will meet up today with the head of the organization which loosely backs it.
FYI...the ball is really a huge themed Halloween party. The theme this year is going to be "Steam Punk."
Since I really don't do much, I don't/shouldn't have much to add or subtract.
As far as the upcoming week goes, I have a Doctor's appointment Tuesday and we have another cross dresser - transgender karaoke social Friday.
Plus one of these days I have to quit my procrastination and schedule my mammogram. My excuse is I am waiting for better weather in March. The problem is, March weather around here can be as unpredictable as February.
It's my excuse and I am sticking to it. As far as the mammogram goes, I don't mind it as much as the long walk I have to take to get from the parking garage to the clinic.
Enough whining...have a great week!
FYI...the ball is really a huge themed Halloween party. The theme this year is going to be "Steam Punk."
 |
| Example of "Steam Punk" costume. |
Since I really don't do much, I don't/shouldn't have much to add or subtract.
As far as the upcoming week goes, I have a Doctor's appointment Tuesday and we have another cross dresser - transgender karaoke social Friday.
Plus one of these days I have to quit my procrastination and schedule my mammogram. My excuse is I am waiting for better weather in March. The problem is, March weather around here can be as unpredictable as February.
It's my excuse and I am sticking to it. As far as the mammogram goes, I don't mind it as much as the long walk I have to take to get from the parking garage to the clinic.
Enough whining...have a great week!
Saturday, February 23, 2019
Young and Transgender
I could go into great detail about the problems young transgender girls or boys go through in the majority of cases. Of course we all know the instances of increased suicide rates mis-understood trans kids go through.
On the other side of the coin is the teen aged transgender girl who has basically grown up before our eyes...Jazz Jennings. Jazz of course is an example of a white, attractive child who happened to be part of a very accepting family.
If you have a story to share of your upbringing, please comment here on the blog or email me at Cyrstih@yahoo.com.
In the meantime, here is Connie's:
FABULOUS CONNIE DEE February 22, 2019 at 12:58 PM
"I hope to live long enough to see how the current generation of young transgender people will fare as they move into adulthood. There will still be pitfalls for them, but not having to deal with the shame is a definite advantage. For those who have parental acceptance and support, there will be a much more solid foundation.
I didn't have to tell my mother; she figured it out when she discovered some of her clothing was missing when I was about 12-years-old. Beyond a swift beating of my ass and a warning to never do it again, we never discussed it, either - unless you count subsequent reprises of the same interaction as being an on-going discussion. It's almost impossible, as a child, not to feel the shame in yourself when your parents express their own shame for you. It is so much more than, say, a feeling of guilt a child may get from getting caught with stealing a cookie. If my guilt was the cookie, my shame was the whole cookie jar; the cookie my gender expression, the jar my gender identity.
I have forgiven my mother, too. Neither of us knew what was going on, and "transgender" was something years away. It's said that knowledge is power, and there is so much more information that is readily available to both trans kids and their parents these days. I hold hope and prayer that both will avail themselves of that information and learn there is nothing for which to be ashamed - neither for the trans child or the parents of a trans child."
Well written, thanks!
If you have a story to share of your upbringing, please comment here on the blog or email me at Cyrstih@yahoo.com.
In the meantime, here is Connie's:
FABULOUS CONNIE DEE February 22, 2019 at 12:58 PM
"I hope to live long enough to see how the current generation of young transgender people will fare as they move into adulthood. There will still be pitfalls for them, but not having to deal with the shame is a definite advantage. For those who have parental acceptance and support, there will be a much more solid foundation.
I didn't have to tell my mother; she figured it out when she discovered some of her clothing was missing when I was about 12-years-old. Beyond a swift beating of my ass and a warning to never do it again, we never discussed it, either - unless you count subsequent reprises of the same interaction as being an on-going discussion. It's almost impossible, as a child, not to feel the shame in yourself when your parents express their own shame for you. It is so much more than, say, a feeling of guilt a child may get from getting caught with stealing a cookie. If my guilt was the cookie, my shame was the whole cookie jar; the cookie my gender expression, the jar my gender identity.
I have forgiven my mother, too. Neither of us knew what was going on, and "transgender" was something years away. It's said that knowledge is power, and there is so much more information that is readily available to both trans kids and their parents these days. I hold hope and prayer that both will avail themselves of that information and learn there is nothing for which to be ashamed - neither for the trans child or the parents of a trans child."
Well written, thanks!
Friday, February 22, 2019
Ashamed to be Transgender?
Yesterday, I happened to come across a blog post called "I am Not Ashamed to be Transgender" on a very extensive web site called "T-Central". By extensive, I mean the site is a compilation of many transgender - cross dressing blogs. You can follow the link above to check it out.
The post I am mentioning here is from a mother with a trans child. Here is a brief excerpt:
"When I asked my son (who is transgender) what kind of impact our support had, he looked me straight in the eye (which teenagers generally don’t do) and said, “I don’t feel ashamed of who I am.” Several years later and I can still feel the power behind that statement that he uttered with such conviction, not a moment’s hesitation."
I thought "Wow", how great it would have been to tell my Mom that when I was a teen-ager and for her to accept it, or at least think about it. You see, I didn't have one of those mothers who subconsciously would let me be a girl in any way shape or form. Ironically, I did come out to her when I got out of the Army when I was twenty five. I told her about the same thing, I was not going to feel ashamed of myself anymore. Which wasn't true and I wish it was.
The fact of the matter was, my Mom slammed the closet door in my face that night so long ago (1975) and we never mentioned it again. She passed away several years later.
I really admire the younger generation of transgender children who have the conviction to stand up for who they are and possibly respect even more the parents who accept them.
FYI...I have forgiven my Mom and even legally changed my middle name to her first name. It turned out, she did get the daughter she never had and in so many ways we turned out so much alike.
The post I am mentioning here is from a mother with a trans child. Here is a brief excerpt:
"When I asked my son (who is transgender) what kind of impact our support had, he looked me straight in the eye (which teenagers generally don’t do) and said, “I don’t feel ashamed of who I am.” Several years later and I can still feel the power behind that statement that he uttered with such conviction, not a moment’s hesitation."
I thought "Wow", how great it would have been to tell my Mom that when I was a teen-ager and for her to accept it, or at least think about it. You see, I didn't have one of those mothers who subconsciously would let me be a girl in any way shape or form. Ironically, I did come out to her when I got out of the Army when I was twenty five. I told her about the same thing, I was not going to feel ashamed of myself anymore. Which wasn't true and I wish it was.
The fact of the matter was, my Mom slammed the closet door in my face that night so long ago (1975) and we never mentioned it again. She passed away several years later.
I really admire the younger generation of transgender children who have the conviction to stand up for who they are and possibly respect even more the parents who accept them.
FYI...I have forgiven my Mom and even legally changed my middle name to her first name. It turned out, she did get the daughter she never had and in so many ways we turned out so much alike.
Thursday, February 21, 2019
Shoe Time?
Thanks to several of you, we have gotten plenty of response here in Cyrsti's Condo to a short series of posts we did on the closing of Payless Shoes. Responses ranged from no interest at all from Shelle, to heading there during lunch (Sally) to Connie's reference to her visits at DSW , an upscale competitor to Payless who undoubtedly led to their demise:
"I've not had much luck with Payless, myself. Many years ago, I bought two pair of shoes there, and I only got the second pair because it was a BOGO sale. That's a 50% discount...sorta. I imagine that what has made Payless a go-to for trans women is that they do carry some larger sizes, but they also are basically a self-service outfit. I have found that DSW works better for me, and I can get better quality at pretty good discounts (becoming a VIP shopper yields even more discounts). I usually go to the back of the store first, which is where they have the clearance shoes grouped by size. The nice leather boots I'm wearing this winter were purchased last spring, and they cost me only $12.00 ($160-80%=$32.00, and a $20.00 coupon)."
I literally have not been to a DSW Shoes for years, due to the fact I could never find my size there. I would imagine in today's world though, with the overall increase in size of women's feet, things may be different now.
Overall, I am not the shoe fanatic many transgender/cross dresser women are. So my shoe buying experiences aren't as frequent. I also can't wear heels, so I have to "manufacture" the power women get from their heels in other ways. As long as my MtF gender dysphoria isn't working against me, I normally don't have a problem with confidence which doesn't have anything thing to do with shoes. Plus, I so love it when the others (trans or CD) have to bend down to hug me or talk to me.
Finally, speaking (writing) of frequent, tonight I will have a chance to wear one of my new pairs of shoes when we go out to yet another transgender - cross dresser social. I find this one to be more relaxing than the karaoke one we go to once a month. It is quieter and easier to communicate at the venue.
I will let you know how it goes.
"I've not had much luck with Payless, myself. Many years ago, I bought two pair of shoes there, and I only got the second pair because it was a BOGO sale. That's a 50% discount...sorta. I imagine that what has made Payless a go-to for trans women is that they do carry some larger sizes, but they also are basically a self-service outfit. I have found that DSW works better for me, and I can get better quality at pretty good discounts (becoming a VIP shopper yields even more discounts). I usually go to the back of the store first, which is where they have the clearance shoes grouped by size. The nice leather boots I'm wearing this winter were purchased last spring, and they cost me only $12.00 ($160-80%=$32.00, and a $20.00 coupon)."
I literally have not been to a DSW Shoes for years, due to the fact I could never find my size there. I would imagine in today's world though, with the overall increase in size of women's feet, things may be different now.
Overall, I am not the shoe fanatic many transgender/cross dresser women are. So my shoe buying experiences aren't as frequent. I also can't wear heels, so I have to "manufacture" the power women get from their heels in other ways. As long as my MtF gender dysphoria isn't working against me, I normally don't have a problem with confidence which doesn't have anything thing to do with shoes. Plus, I so love it when the others (trans or CD) have to bend down to hug me or talk to me.Finally, speaking (writing) of frequent, tonight I will have a chance to wear one of my new pairs of shoes when we go out to yet another transgender - cross dresser social. I find this one to be more relaxing than the karaoke one we go to once a month. It is quieter and easier to communicate at the venue.
I will let you know how it goes.
Wednesday, February 20, 2019
Just a Little Piece of Plastic
Yesterday when my hematologist was checking me over, he asked me to raise my sweater so he could check my stomach. Along the way, he noticed my two estrodial patches on my sides and asked what they were.
He didn't ask what they were for. If he did, the simplest answer would have been, the patches make me the person I am today. Then I began to think about it on the way home, maybe he didn't realize I was transgender.
For sure, all the long term positive feminizing effects of the hormones have kicked in, allowing me more gender freedom than I have ever known. Plus, the debilitating effects of my MtF gender dysphoria have decreased. Normally, I thank a higher power for my opportunity to go on HRT (hormone replacement treatment) daily.
Then I began to think of all of those trans people who for whatever reason can't go on the hormonal journey I did. I wanted to write you have all my respect. I know many are restricted medically from taking the HRT route and just as many have potential lifestyle issues with family and employment. Neither a great way to address gender dysphoria.
Now I have to worry about the VA changing my patches to a lesser effective generic brand of patch like they did to the trans woman I had lunch with yesterday. I have heard there was a shortage. I have enough patches to get through the next couple of months, so we shall see!
He didn't ask what they were for. If he did, the simplest answer would have been, the patches make me the person I am today. Then I began to think about it on the way home, maybe he didn't realize I was transgender.
For sure, all the long term positive feminizing effects of the hormones have kicked in, allowing me more gender freedom than I have ever known. Plus, the debilitating effects of my MtF gender dysphoria have decreased. Normally, I thank a higher power for my opportunity to go on HRT (hormone replacement treatment) daily.
Then I began to think of all of those trans people who for whatever reason can't go on the hormonal journey I did. I wanted to write you have all my respect. I know many are restricted medically from taking the HRT route and just as many have potential lifestyle issues with family and employment. Neither a great way to address gender dysphoria.
Now I have to worry about the VA changing my patches to a lesser effective generic brand of patch like they did to the trans woman I had lunch with yesterday. I have heard there was a shortage. I have enough patches to get through the next couple of months, so we shall see!
Tuesday, February 19, 2019
On the Road Again
Just ahead of another big winter storm, I was able to safely navigate my way over the 150 plus mile round trip to see my Hematologist today (Tuesday).
I made the trip up the highway to keep my doctors appointment at the Dayton, Ohio Veterans Hospital. The same ones who nursed me back to health when I was diagnosed with a very high iron level in my blood over two years ago.
Today proved to be a very beneficial day. Most importantly, my blood work turned out fine again as my iron level was within the prescribed levels. As I always say, I am nothing without my health.
When I get my blood labs done, it takes approximately an hour or so to get the results to my doctor. I usually spend the time eating a much needed lunch. As I am very hungry after fasting for twelve hours so they can get a reliable test.
I was already feeling good about myself when after a considerable wait for blood labs, two guys who were sitting across from me began to talk. As they began to discuss how long one of them had waited, he said, "not as long as she has." Referring to me. He didn't know of course how much that meant to me. Years ago, in the same place was where I was referred to as a "fa--ot" by a bigot who was sitting near me.
The cafeteria continued my run of proper pronouns when I was in one of the custom sandwich lines. The guy making my sub sandwich called me mam, as did the cashier as I was headed to find a table. Lunch proved to be more pleasant when I ran into another transgender woman who I had met previously at my LGBTQ support group meeting. We sat together and chatted until it was time for my appointment.
Even the interstates today seemed to be more mellow, even though it was because my time on the road was at non peak times. Because, I chose not to wait over for today's' support group meeting.
They just had to carry on without me :)
I made the trip up the highway to keep my doctors appointment at the Dayton, Ohio Veterans Hospital. The same ones who nursed me back to health when I was diagnosed with a very high iron level in my blood over two years ago.
Today proved to be a very beneficial day. Most importantly, my blood work turned out fine again as my iron level was within the prescribed levels. As I always say, I am nothing without my health.
When I get my blood labs done, it takes approximately an hour or so to get the results to my doctor. I usually spend the time eating a much needed lunch. As I am very hungry after fasting for twelve hours so they can get a reliable test.
I was already feeling good about myself when after a considerable wait for blood labs, two guys who were sitting across from me began to talk. As they began to discuss how long one of them had waited, he said, "not as long as she has." Referring to me. He didn't know of course how much that meant to me. Years ago, in the same place was where I was referred to as a "fa--ot" by a bigot who was sitting near me.
The cafeteria continued my run of proper pronouns when I was in one of the custom sandwich lines. The guy making my sub sandwich called me mam, as did the cashier as I was headed to find a table. Lunch proved to be more pleasant when I ran into another transgender woman who I had met previously at my LGBTQ support group meeting. We sat together and chatted until it was time for my appointment.
Even the interstates today seemed to be more mellow, even though it was because my time on the road was at non peak times. Because, I chose not to wait over for today's' support group meeting.
They just had to carry on without me :)
Monday, February 18, 2019
Payless
In yesterday's Cyrsti's Condo post, I mentioned Payless Shoes was closing all of it's stores.
We promptly went out to our very new Payless Super Store, waded in to the crowd and found three good buys in my 11W women's size. I even had the available finances to buy the shoes. The selection was very good and yes I did see one man looking at the larger size women's shoes.
Even though the stores are expected to be open through March (according to Connie), I wanted to get the best of discounts and selection. I ended up buying a new pair of black flats, a pair of summer sandals to wear with my maxi dresses and a new pair of girls tennis shoes. So now, I very much have my warm weather footwear needs taken care of.
If you are wondering, the initial discounts were between twenty and forty percent. Since I rarely buy on line due to sizing issues, I don't know what Payless maybe offering discount wise in their on line store.
We promptly went out to our very new Payless Super Store, waded in to the crowd and found three good buys in my 11W women's size. I even had the available finances to buy the shoes. The selection was very good and yes I did see one man looking at the larger size women's shoes.
Even though the stores are expected to be open through March (according to Connie), I wanted to get the best of discounts and selection. I ended up buying a new pair of black flats, a pair of summer sandals to wear with my maxi dresses and a new pair of girls tennis shoes. So now, I very much have my warm weather footwear needs taken care of.
If you are wondering, the initial discounts were between twenty and forty percent. Since I rarely buy on line due to sizing issues, I don't know what Payless maybe offering discount wise in their on line store.
Sunday, February 17, 2019
Bored
Yesterday was almost the complete boring day. Liz's brother came for his birthday but wanted to spend it at our house. So, after I went with her to martial arts, we then came home for a brief cleaning of the house and waited for him to show up.
Once he did get here, he sat down on the couch for a seven hour stay. To make matters worse, he is not a conversationalist at all. At least we were home and didn't tie up a servers' table for a couple hours. Plus, I could get up and move around a bit when I felt like the chair was becoming part of my body.
So much for an exciting blog post!
Changing gears now, perhaps those of you in the United States have heard, Payless Shoes is closing all of it's 2000 plus stores. Over the years, on occasion, I have been able to find good shoes in my size (11Wide) at Payless. I am sad to see them go.
We are heading there today to see what is available.
Once he did get here, he sat down on the couch for a seven hour stay. To make matters worse, he is not a conversationalist at all. At least we were home and didn't tie up a servers' table for a couple hours. Plus, I could get up and move around a bit when I felt like the chair was becoming part of my body.
So much for an exciting blog post!
Changing gears now, perhaps those of you in the United States have heard, Payless Shoes is closing all of it's 2000 plus stores. Over the years, on occasion, I have been able to find good shoes in my size (11Wide) at Payless. I am sad to see them go.We are heading there today to see what is available.
Friday, February 15, 2019
Cosmo Girl?
As I have mentioned previously here in Cyrsti's Condo, I have become a regular reader of "Cosmopolitan Magazine." Of all places, I started to read it in my waiting rooms at the Veteran's Administration. I started out as a skeptic, wondering what in the world I have in common with all these impossibly skinny and beautiful young women...but not all as you can see in the picture.
Along the way though, I found all these wonderful articles on what women feel, mostly about the world of men. I even found an article celebrating the virtues of dating a transgender man!
Every now and then too, I read a reaffirming article on makeup. For example, I found out I was applying my blush the correct way. Over a fresh coat of foundation. I never felt there was any other way all these years. Even though I don't consider myself anywhere close to the cutting edge in makeup application, I seem to find an idea or two in every issue.
FYI...a whole years subscription to Cosmo costs me less than fourteen dollars.
A small price to pay to give me yet another look at what I have missed in the world of cis-women.
I need all the help I can get!
Along the way though, I found all these wonderful articles on what women feel, mostly about the world of men. I even found an article celebrating the virtues of dating a transgender man!
Every now and then too, I read a reaffirming article on makeup. For example, I found out I was applying my blush the correct way. Over a fresh coat of foundation. I never felt there was any other way all these years. Even though I don't consider myself anywhere close to the cutting edge in makeup application, I seem to find an idea or two in every issue.
FYI...a whole years subscription to Cosmo costs me less than fourteen dollars.
A small price to pay to give me yet another look at what I have missed in the world of cis-women.
I need all the help I can get!
Thursday, February 14, 2019
More Transgender Affirmation
Phillipa from Great Britain (I believe) was kind enough to send in an email via cyrstih@yahoo.com concerning her very positive experience out and about in the feminine world:
"Hi I just read your Wednesday blog. On Monday a a good friend came to stay so that us girls could go and visit Stourhead in Wiltshire. We were lucky enough to get on the behind the scenes tour of this historic house.
When we were in the old kitchens the tour guide was nice enough to point in my direction and say behind that Lady is a set of instructions for cleaning the chimneys (In the old days boys were sent up the larger chimneys). It is so nice to be recognised for the girl I am.
Best regards
Philippa"
Good for you! Way to go Phillippa! Nothing beats an spur of the moment unsolicited affirmative comment.
Wednesday, February 13, 2019
Transgender Affirmation
Affirmation of course is wonderful in whatever you do but even more so the longer you have worked to achieve a goal.
For decades now, one of my major goals (even when I was dreaming in the closet) was to become accepted for who I was - a transgender woman, or even a complete woman. Last night, at dinner with friends it happened. For two hours I was able to feel a complete part of a group of cis women talking about their lives. Along the way, I also did most of our food ordering and used the women's room too. I even felt comfortable enough to add in my story of going with many of them years ago to see a physic in a group setting. He went around the room giving readings and when he got to me cross dressed in all my glory, he said he could see I was and will be going through some changes. Really? I was happy though my input was considered valuable enough for at least a polite chuckle and gave them all an idea of my life back then.
Overall, the best way I can describe last night... it was like getting my batteries recharged to move on with life.
Simply put, what really happened, was my ever present/lurking Mtf gender dysphoria was pushed to the back of my mentality for awhile.
That's a good thing of course.
I also just found out we are going out to a steakhouse Sunday to celebrate Liz's brother's birthday, weather permitting. So that should be fun too.
For decades now, one of my major goals (even when I was dreaming in the closet) was to become accepted for who I was - a transgender woman, or even a complete woman. Last night, at dinner with friends it happened. For two hours I was able to feel a complete part of a group of cis women talking about their lives. Along the way, I also did most of our food ordering and used the women's room too. I even felt comfortable enough to add in my story of going with many of them years ago to see a physic in a group setting. He went around the room giving readings and when he got to me cross dressed in all my glory, he said he could see I was and will be going through some changes. Really? I was happy though my input was considered valuable enough for at least a polite chuckle and gave them all an idea of my life back then.
Overall, the best way I can describe last night... it was like getting my batteries recharged to move on with life.
Simply put, what really happened, was my ever present/lurking Mtf gender dysphoria was pushed to the back of my mentality for awhile.
That's a good thing of course.
I also just found out we are going out to a steakhouse Sunday to celebrate Liz's brother's birthday, weather permitting. So that should be fun too.
Tuesday, February 12, 2019
Crossing the Gender Frontier
Last night's cross dresser - transgender support group get together did provide a couple interesting moments.
One in particular was a new attendee. She was two years post op and nearly unrecognizable as having any kind of male past at all. It turned out she wasn't transgender or transsexual (if you will) but was an inter-sexed person. Her travel to finally get the State of Ohio to force the insurance company to cover her surgery, was incredibly complicated, sad and included an amazing amount of time in the courts. She claimed several years ago when this all happened, she was even accosted for it by bigots on the street.
As interesting as her story was, she got to me when she asked the group of approximately 16 people how many were interested in "transitioning all the way." Meaning of course having Genital Realignment Surgery. Which, by the way, is becoming much easier here in Ohio. New surgeons are coming on line in all the major cities and even insurance is becoming more available.
At first I almost said my transition is done according to her terms. But then I began to think it isn't according to my ideas. You see, I don't have any desire at this time to have any kind of surgery outside of breast augmentation. It helps of course, I have a very supportive long term partner who fully accepts me as a trans woman.
I also, have my age (69) to think of ,as well as my gender dysphoria which continues to hang around. I believe it always will in one form or another. I can't see GRS relieving my dysphoria any time soon, so I guess I could say I will always be transitioning.
From cradle to grave.
One in particular was a new attendee. She was two years post op and nearly unrecognizable as having any kind of male past at all. It turned out she wasn't transgender or transsexual (if you will) but was an inter-sexed person. Her travel to finally get the State of Ohio to force the insurance company to cover her surgery, was incredibly complicated, sad and included an amazing amount of time in the courts. She claimed several years ago when this all happened, she was even accosted for it by bigots on the street.
As interesting as her story was, she got to me when she asked the group of approximately 16 people how many were interested in "transitioning all the way." Meaning of course having Genital Realignment Surgery. Which, by the way, is becoming much easier here in Ohio. New surgeons are coming on line in all the major cities and even insurance is becoming more available.
At first I almost said my transition is done according to her terms. But then I began to think it isn't according to my ideas. You see, I don't have any desire at this time to have any kind of surgery outside of breast augmentation. It helps of course, I have a very supportive long term partner who fully accepts me as a trans woman.
I also, have my age (69) to think of ,as well as my gender dysphoria which continues to hang around. I believe it always will in one form or another. I can't see GRS relieving my dysphoria any time soon, so I guess I could say I will always be transitioning.
From cradle to grave.
Monday, February 11, 2019
It's Almost Time
Every once in a while this time of year, Momma Nature gives us a quick promise of Spring before Winter sets back in. It's a great time to think about what I have left in my wardrobe to wear when the weather finally breaks around here.
Just sitting here thinking about it, I think some shopping will be in order. My mind still has not adjusted to the fact I actually wear clothes out now. Back in my earlier days before I went full time with my Mtf transition, my clothes lasted me a long time. My only concerns were people seeing me wear the same thing all the time,
I do know I have several lightweight summer tops I could wear but they do nothing to get me through the chilly Spring weather.
Of course, the other day I screwed up with a possible on line purchase. As I was opening Cyrsti's Condo to work on it, I saw a top I loved on what I think was a Modlilly ad which showed up on my feed. Since Google takes a dim view of me responding to what are supposed to be my own ads, I lost it into the "ozone." Never to be seen again. I even went to their site to see if I could find it, with no success. I am more confident ordering from them because I have once before and the size I ordered worked out.
This season, finances permitting, I am going to try to get a head start.
 |
| Example of Modilly top. Not the one I wanted. |
I do know I have several lightweight summer tops I could wear but they do nothing to get me through the chilly Spring weather.
Of course, the other day I screwed up with a possible on line purchase. As I was opening Cyrsti's Condo to work on it, I saw a top I loved on what I think was a Modlilly ad which showed up on my feed. Since Google takes a dim view of me responding to what are supposed to be my own ads, I lost it into the "ozone." Never to be seen again. I even went to their site to see if I could find it, with no success. I am more confident ordering from them because I have once before and the size I ordered worked out.
This season, finances permitting, I am going to try to get a head start.
Sunday, February 10, 2019
It Will be Interesting
The week coming up promises to be busy and complicated at the same time.
Weather wise, all the heavy rains we have had translated into flooding around here. The Ohio River and several of it's tributaries have combined to close a few roads close to us. One of which is a portion of the main route I take to Monday's cross dresser - transgender support group meeting I attend. The same one which was closed for a landslide the last meeting. This time though, I am going to try to be more brave and go. I will not however, try to cross any high water.
Tuesday's trip North to my therapist is all on high ground, so I don't anticipate any problems. Plus Tuesday night we both have a dinner to go to at a local BBQ chain.
Thursday of course is Valentines Day. Liz and I are planning a night out at a local Cajun restaurant to eat some shrimp and grits.
Finally, and I am just guessing here, we will have another invite to eat Italian Saturday night. Maybe I should have labeled this post "A culinary week."
Switching subjects here...if you are an international visitor to Cyrsti's Condo (like Jeni in Australia) you may have experienced some difficulty posting comments here on the blog. The only thing I know is I have been getting at least a half page of new rules from Google on international posts. Also, I think I gleaned from the mess, they are going to shut down Google Plus in the future. Please remember you can always email me at cyrstih@yahoo.com. Thanks!
Also this week, I will face the latest struggle known as "me and my hair." As it stands now, I am enjoying my soft waves and curls. When my next washing comes around though, either myself or Liz (she volunteered) to blow dry, brush out and basically straighten my hair. I used to do it on occasion until I fell in love with my curls.
Finally, I will have to strip my nails of their color this week. My "burgundy dream" color has ran it's course and I doubt if Liz will have time to get her nails done this week, so I will have to "go naked" again for awhile.
As I wrote, I have an interesting week coming up!
Weather wise, all the heavy rains we have had translated into flooding around here. The Ohio River and several of it's tributaries have combined to close a few roads close to us. One of which is a portion of the main route I take to Monday's cross dresser - transgender support group meeting I attend. The same one which was closed for a landslide the last meeting. This time though, I am going to try to be more brave and go. I will not however, try to cross any high water.
Tuesday's trip North to my therapist is all on high ground, so I don't anticipate any problems. Plus Tuesday night we both have a dinner to go to at a local BBQ chain.
Thursday of course is Valentines Day. Liz and I are planning a night out at a local Cajun restaurant to eat some shrimp and grits.
Finally, and I am just guessing here, we will have another invite to eat Italian Saturday night. Maybe I should have labeled this post "A culinary week."
Switching subjects here...if you are an international visitor to Cyrsti's Condo (like Jeni in Australia) you may have experienced some difficulty posting comments here on the blog. The only thing I know is I have been getting at least a half page of new rules from Google on international posts. Also, I think I gleaned from the mess, they are going to shut down Google Plus in the future. Please remember you can always email me at cyrstih@yahoo.com. Thanks!
Also this week, I will face the latest struggle known as "me and my hair." As it stands now, I am enjoying my soft waves and curls. When my next washing comes around though, either myself or Liz (she volunteered) to blow dry, brush out and basically straighten my hair. I used to do it on occasion until I fell in love with my curls.
Finally, I will have to strip my nails of their color this week. My "burgundy dream" color has ran it's course and I doubt if Liz will have time to get her nails done this week, so I will have to "go naked" again for awhile.
As I wrote, I have an interesting week coming up!
Saturday, February 9, 2019
Always on Stage
It shouldn't come to anyone in particular as a surprise, when you cross the gender frontier and enter the feminine world, you are always on stage.
For example, today I went Liz's martial arts class and then to our usually busy grocery store. Today wasn't too bad though because we weren't dealing with a snow storm like Connie is in Seattle. Hopefully she stayed home and won't be catching any fish at the fish market. I hear it's tough on acrylic nails!
At any rate, as I waited for Liz's class to end, a woman came in with her child for the next class. Along the way, she struck up a conversation about what all the different color uniforms meant. As we exchanged pleasantries, I don't know if she ever realized she was talking to a transgender woman, or even cared. As we chatted, I was glad though I put a little extra effort into my makeup.
A little later, at the grocery store, I was happy too when a product representative asked to take a picture of us when we stopped to sample a fresh pasta product. I almost said only if I could get a copy for my blog.
When I got home and started to relax with our usual PBS cooking shows (Public Broadcasting), I began to realize one again how women are always on some sort of stage. Plus, as transgender women we have to work twice as hard to close the looks gap with cis women. I am so envious on occasion when I see a cute cis woman in her leggings, loose sweater and baseball cap.
I guess I must be doing something right though when Liz makes gentle fun of me for taking too long getting ready to go.
For example, today I went Liz's martial arts class and then to our usually busy grocery store. Today wasn't too bad though because we weren't dealing with a snow storm like Connie is in Seattle. Hopefully she stayed home and won't be catching any fish at the fish market. I hear it's tough on acrylic nails!
At any rate, as I waited for Liz's class to end, a woman came in with her child for the next class. Along the way, she struck up a conversation about what all the different color uniforms meant. As we exchanged pleasantries, I don't know if she ever realized she was talking to a transgender woman, or even cared. As we chatted, I was glad though I put a little extra effort into my makeup.
A little later, at the grocery store, I was happy too when a product representative asked to take a picture of us when we stopped to sample a fresh pasta product. I almost said only if I could get a copy for my blog.
When I got home and started to relax with our usual PBS cooking shows (Public Broadcasting), I began to realize one again how women are always on some sort of stage. Plus, as transgender women we have to work twice as hard to close the looks gap with cis women. I am so envious on occasion when I see a cute cis woman in her leggings, loose sweater and baseball cap.
I guess I must be doing something right though when Liz makes gentle fun of me for taking too long getting ready to go.
Friday, February 8, 2019
Weekend Dreams
For some reason, it looks like a rare quiet weekend for us coming up.
As it stands now, there are no social group outings to go to, no dinners, no anything. Basically though, it is the proverbial "lull before the storm."
Next week, I/we have four things to do, including a cross dresser - transgender support group meeting, a trip to the therapist, a dinner out with our meet up circle and a Valentines dinner to be decided later.
I washed my hair yesterday, so my "salon hair" is gone and the natural waves are back. But of course, the new color is still there. Unfortunately too, my fingernails are going to need attention too. They are starting to chip (as they always do) at approximately the three week mark. Since I don't put the extra money and time out for acrylics.
Other than that, I will have to decide if I will wear my new/old glasses to any of the appointments.
One thing is for sure, the week will fly by before I know it.
As my Mom used to say, don't wish time away. Your life is like a roll of toilet paper, the closer it gets to the end...the faster it goes.
As it stands now, there are no social group outings to go to, no dinners, no anything. Basically though, it is the proverbial "lull before the storm."
Next week, I/we have four things to do, including a cross dresser - transgender support group meeting, a trip to the therapist, a dinner out with our meet up circle and a Valentines dinner to be decided later.
I washed my hair yesterday, so my "salon hair" is gone and the natural waves are back. But of course, the new color is still there. Unfortunately too, my fingernails are going to need attention too. They are starting to chip (as they always do) at approximately the three week mark. Since I don't put the extra money and time out for acrylics.
Other than that, I will have to decide if I will wear my new/old glasses to any of the appointments.
One thing is for sure, the week will fly by before I know it.
As my Mom used to say, don't wish time away. Your life is like a roll of toilet paper, the closer it gets to the end...the faster it goes.
Thursday, February 7, 2019
Hitch up Those Big Girl Panties
I know my painfully shy past plus early struggles when I came out of the closet into a feminine world hurt me around new people. I am referring back to the stranger (man) in the doctor's office yesterday. Instead of pursuing a conversation at all, I decided to essentially ignore and run.
Here is Connie's take:
"Don't be so shy, girl! It shouldn't matter if the person is an L, G, B, T, Q, or anyone else. Not only did you miss an opportunity to connect with someone else, you caused a missed opportunity for them to connect with you.
Just last week, as I was perusing the produce aisle, there was a woman on the other side of the bins that, I noticed, was looking at me (not so) discreetly. As we both worked our ways down to the end of our respective aisles, we came to the end-cap display of lettuce. She gave me another look before sorting through the heads, and I began my sorting, as well. I couldn't let the opportunity pass, so I said to her, "We have to find a big one; lettuce has gotten so expensive!" She seemed a bit surprised that I'd talked to her at all, but she did reply with a comment about how the price went up after the E. Coli scare awhile back, but never came back down. That was enough to start a short, friendly conversation, and I think we both left a little happier as a result. I'm pretty sure she'd never met a trans woman before, and I'm also sure that she knew she was talking to one - if not at the beginning, then by the time we parted. Had I not said anything, though, the woman would have missed learning how "normal" a trans woman can be, not to mention learning how lovely I am. ;-) "
You are right! Old habit's are hard to break. I will say though, I have always had a much easier time talking to other women than men.
I have a tendency too to rely heavily on Liz for support in many potentially new social interactions. Slowly but surely I think I may be getting better. Ironically, though, I'm more apt to still have more male interests to talk about. Sports etc. My other interests create drama if I try to bring them up (politics, religion, etc.) so I don't.
Talking about produce is a great idea though, except when I want to yell at at yet another old lady eating grapes out of the bag without buying it.
Blah, blah, blah!
Here is Connie's take:
"Don't be so shy, girl! It shouldn't matter if the person is an L, G, B, T, Q, or anyone else. Not only did you miss an opportunity to connect with someone else, you caused a missed opportunity for them to connect with you.
Just last week, as I was perusing the produce aisle, there was a woman on the other side of the bins that, I noticed, was looking at me (not so) discreetly. As we both worked our ways down to the end of our respective aisles, we came to the end-cap display of lettuce. She gave me another look before sorting through the heads, and I began my sorting, as well. I couldn't let the opportunity pass, so I said to her, "We have to find a big one; lettuce has gotten so expensive!" She seemed a bit surprised that I'd talked to her at all, but she did reply with a comment about how the price went up after the E. Coli scare awhile back, but never came back down. That was enough to start a short, friendly conversation, and I think we both left a little happier as a result. I'm pretty sure she'd never met a trans woman before, and I'm also sure that she knew she was talking to one - if not at the beginning, then by the time we parted. Had I not said anything, though, the woman would have missed learning how "normal" a trans woman can be, not to mention learning how lovely I am. ;-) "
You are right! Old habit's are hard to break. I will say though, I have always had a much easier time talking to other women than men.
I have a tendency too to rely heavily on Liz for support in many potentially new social interactions. Slowly but surely I think I may be getting better. Ironically, though, I'm more apt to still have more male interests to talk about. Sports etc. My other interests create drama if I try to bring them up (politics, religion, etc.) so I don't.
Talking about produce is a great idea though, except when I want to yell at at yet another old lady eating grapes out of the bag without buying it.
Blah, blah, blah!
Wednesday, February 6, 2019
Doctor Time
Yesterday I went with Liz to two of her doctor's appointments.
I decided to dress "down" for the occasion. I wore my black jeans, sweater and tennis shoes with very light makeup and a fleece jacket.
Nothing really happened except with one guy in one of the doctor's offices. From his mannerisms and voice I immediately thought he was gay. At any rate, he kept trying to make contact with me. Who knows? Maybe I should have made contact. Perhaps he was another transgender person, even a trans man.
I didn't though, so maybe it was yet another opportunity missed.
I decided to dress "down" for the occasion. I wore my black jeans, sweater and tennis shoes with very light makeup and a fleece jacket.
Nothing really happened except with one guy in one of the doctor's offices. From his mannerisms and voice I immediately thought he was gay. At any rate, he kept trying to make contact with me. Who knows? Maybe I should have made contact. Perhaps he was another transgender person, even a trans man.
I didn't though, so maybe it was yet another opportunity missed.
Tuesday, February 5, 2019
Musical "Privilege" and Trans Admiration
I write once a month here in Cyrsti's Condo concerning Liz and I karaoke adventures with the cross dresser - transgender group. Like it or not, several come just to chill and see if there is any interaction with any other of the patrons...and there used to be. A couple of the older guys in the crowd seemed to not be intimidated by the gender frontier. All of that is good of course, until the guy gets too aggressive and begins to take on all the evil characteristics of an "admirer." Or, a man who likes a trans woman and/or cross dresser for that reason only, or sex.
Maybe too, there is a connection with the music. As Connie points out:
I don't know if there is some connection with karaoke and trans admirers, but I've had more than my share of being hit on at karaoke night. This one guy would order a drink for me every time I was up singing, so that it would be sitting there for me when I got back to my seat. In his doing so, he eliminated the possibility that I'd refuse the drink, so it was that much harder for me to refuse his unwanted advances as the evening went on. I finally made a deal with the bartender, and he would make non-alcoholic versions of my drink when this guy ordered them for me. I also learned that the admirer was attending this monthly event just because I would presumably be there, so I started showing up an hour later. The bartender informed me that he'd been there, but left when he could not find me.
Another lesson on womanhood? I think so, because this guy got more aggressive with each drink he would buy for me. After the third one, I think he thought he had "bought" me, and I should have been willing to succumb to his advances.
As far as that cross dresser who is in love with Liz, I wonder if he thinks that, since she is with you - a trans woman - she could also be interested in him. Has he started buying drinks for her? :-)"
Maybe too, there is a connection with the music. As Connie points out:
I don't know if there is some connection with karaoke and trans admirers, but I've had more than my share of being hit on at karaoke night. This one guy would order a drink for me every time I was up singing, so that it would be sitting there for me when I got back to my seat. In his doing so, he eliminated the possibility that I'd refuse the drink, so it was that much harder for me to refuse his unwanted advances as the evening went on. I finally made a deal with the bartender, and he would make non-alcoholic versions of my drink when this guy ordered them for me. I also learned that the admirer was attending this monthly event just because I would presumably be there, so I started showing up an hour later. The bartender informed me that he'd been there, but left when he could not find me.
Another lesson on womanhood? I think so, because this guy got more aggressive with each drink he would buy for me. After the third one, I think he thought he had "bought" me, and I should have been willing to succumb to his advances.
As far as that cross dresser who is in love with Liz, I wonder if he thinks that, since she is with you - a trans woman - she could also be interested in him. Has he started buying drinks for her? :-)"
No, he has not started to buy drinks for her but has offered to hire her to find other social settings for her. Which at that point, Liz knew she had gone too far and more importantly, I was right :)
I must be doing something right or wrong. I have never been approached by a guy. Just that one woman last time. It's probably a combination of my looks and the fact Liz and I are usually inseparable when we go out.
Monday, February 4, 2019
Do Glasses Make the Girl?
Yesterday morning before we were getting ready to go to our meet-up, Liz was suffering from her Vertigo (dizziness) and wanted to check her blood pressure. I have a small portable blood pressure machine but just had to find it and dig it out for her to use. As I was finding it, I happened along my first ever pair of girl glasses which I have been looking for, forever.
I had an inking of an idea I could see just as well out of them as my current glasses and I could. Plus I was wondering if I would look better, more natural and comfortable too.
Here lately, I have not been wearing my glasses much at all when we go out. I don't completely need them and my vanity was telling me I looked better without them. I am coming up on another VA eye appointment and will be interested to see how much (if any) my eyes have changed.
The difference between the two pair of glasses as far as design goes is very dramatic. The newer set of glasses are the wire rimmed type while the older pair are a more substantial rimmed type. I think my "inkling" was correct, The older glasses fit my new hairstyle well and definitely cut back on the eye strain. For example, when I write a blog post now, I can keep these new/old glasses on. By the way, both pair are unlined bifocals and I have a harder time seeing out of certain angles with the newer glasses.
I'm not sure yet, but I think with the proper eye makeup, the different glasses draw more attention to my eyes.
The next time we get dressed up to go someplace, I will try to get you a new picture. In the meantime, you can see an old picture of me in the glasses here.
I had an inking of an idea I could see just as well out of them as my current glasses and I could. Plus I was wondering if I would look better, more natural and comfortable too.
Here lately, I have not been wearing my glasses much at all when we go out. I don't completely need them and my vanity was telling me I looked better without them. I am coming up on another VA eye appointment and will be interested to see how much (if any) my eyes have changed.The difference between the two pair of glasses as far as design goes is very dramatic. The newer set of glasses are the wire rimmed type while the older pair are a more substantial rimmed type. I think my "inkling" was correct, The older glasses fit my new hairstyle well and definitely cut back on the eye strain. For example, when I write a blog post now, I can keep these new/old glasses on. By the way, both pair are unlined bifocals and I have a harder time seeing out of certain angles with the newer glasses.
I'm not sure yet, but I think with the proper eye makeup, the different glasses draw more attention to my eyes.
The next time we get dressed up to go someplace, I will try to get you a new picture. In the meantime, you can see an old picture of me in the glasses here.
Sunday, February 3, 2019
Compliments Will Get you Everywhere
Saturday night, we met three other acquaintances for dinner. One was the avowed cross dresser I have never been very fond of. The other two were very interesting people.
One of which was a semi retired doctor who writes exotic novels from his wife's point of view and the other is a retired 24/7 cross dresser. She looks like everyone's great aunt and even holds a board position with the Cincinnati baseball Reds women's auxiliary. She is also very active in her church. I really admire her! For once there was a very interesting discussion around the table.
Of course along the way, I have referred to the cross dresser I have never really liked as a he or a she and Connie noticed it...
"I thought that I may have been misgendering the cross dresser. You did refer to "him", and I had it in my mind that this was the same one who came to the gatherings in guy mode, but I could be wrong. So, because I would always use feminine pronouns for an MtF cross dresser (when she's presenting female), I apologize if I was mistaken. We can have the same problems from within the umbrella as everybody else, I guess."
One of which was a semi retired doctor who writes exotic novels from his wife's point of view and the other is a retired 24/7 cross dresser. She looks like everyone's great aunt and even holds a board position with the Cincinnati baseball Reds women's auxiliary. She is also very active in her church. I really admire her! For once there was a very interesting discussion around the table.
Of course along the way, I have referred to the cross dresser I have never really liked as a he or a she and Connie noticed it...
"I thought that I may have been misgendering the cross dresser. You did refer to "him", and I had it in my mind that this was the same one who came to the gatherings in guy mode, but I could be wrong. So, because I would always use feminine pronouns for an MtF cross dresser (when she's presenting female), I apologize if I was mistaken. We can have the same problems from within the umbrella as everybody else, I guess."
On occasion I have referred to the person as a "he" because on occasion he comes dressed as his guy self. Other times, he is so blatantly busy flirting with my partner Liz, I just want to stand up and leave...or worse.
Last night though, for some reason the person focused on me. All of a sudden I was showered with lavish praise how good I looked. My hair, my outfit and my makeup were all spot on. Even my skin made the thumbs up list. I think it is because I started to apply my regular nightly Olay moisturizer before I apply my foundation. I was surprised and flattered by all the attention of course but being the overall bitch that I am, I had to consider the source. Also, the soft subdued lighting in the restaurant didn't hurt me either.
Overall a great time was had by all. As we left of course, my new BFF was begging us to come back again for another dinner, or set one up and invite her.
I just want to talk to the Doctor who seemed intrigued by all of us :)
Party Time
A real picture of the social Friday night. My partner Liz is on the left and Cathy, everybody's self appointed "super cross dresser" is on the right.
This picture proves I look better in a bar in neon light :) Or, as the old country song buts it, all the girls look better at closing time.
This picture proves I look better in a bar in neon light :) Or, as the old country song buts it, all the girls look better at closing time.
Saturday, February 2, 2019
To Be or Not to Be
Last night's social was as as successful as it usually is. The only difference came when when I was waiting for Liz outside the women's room when we were ready to leave. As I was sitting on a stool, an attractive cis woman and her friend came out of the bathroom. We briefly exchanged glances and she smiled and said Hi and reached out and touched me. First I was flattered, then I was slightly depressed I was read as being transgender. More on that later.
Before all of that happened, I was observing one of the trans men at the table. Normally he is very affable but last night, he was very uptight for some reason. This morning he said on his Facebook page he has been suffering anxiety from his gender dysphoria.
I felt somewhat the same way this morning as I looked in the mirror. All of the sudden I wondered just how in the hell I got here. Living full time as a trans woman. Then, I flashed back to last night and the cis woman who reached out to me so briefly. She took me back to the days when I was first trying to find my place in a feminine world.
As I normally do, I kept thinking in fact, I know how I got here. I was born into it and have/had no choice in the matter, no matter how hard I fought.
I'm fortunate, I can keep my gender dysphoria to a minimum. Simply by living it.
Being in my present is completely superior to living in my "not to be" past.
Before all of that happened, I was observing one of the trans men at the table. Normally he is very affable but last night, he was very uptight for some reason. This morning he said on his Facebook page he has been suffering anxiety from his gender dysphoria.
I felt somewhat the same way this morning as I looked in the mirror. All of the sudden I wondered just how in the hell I got here. Living full time as a trans woman. Then, I flashed back to last night and the cis woman who reached out to me so briefly. She took me back to the days when I was first trying to find my place in a feminine world.
As I normally do, I kept thinking in fact, I know how I got here. I was born into it and have/had no choice in the matter, no matter how hard I fought.
I'm fortunate, I can keep my gender dysphoria to a minimum. Simply by living it.
Being in my present is completely superior to living in my "not to be" past.
Friday, February 1, 2019
Busy Weekend
It seems I have a busier weekend than I thought coming up. As I previously wrote about, tonight (Friday) is karaoke social night. Anymore it seems, fewer and fewer of the attendee's even try to sing and go simply because there is safety in numbers at this location. Or, we/they are accepted there. Also, it's a very nice time for the part-time cross dressers to wear their new outfits. As one of the few cis-women there, I think my partner Liz likes all the attention she gets. Especially after losing 120 pounds. As far as true transgender women anymore, I think the number is shrinking, due to several factors. The major one being the sudden lack of "admirers" who happened to be at the restaurant. In other words, for awhile, there seemed to be several men attracted to certain members of the group. They quit coming for one reason or another.
Tomorrow night (Saturday) we are going back to the upscale Italian restaurant we frequent fairly regularly. That's the good news, the bad news is the cross dresser who is madly in love with Liz will be there too. There is not much nice I can write about him except I love to block his advances and the food is good. As far as I ever get "dressed up" happens when we go to this place. I'm thinking about reintroducing my cream colored over the hip sweater with a pair of patterned leggings and black boots. The venue is upscale casual, so the outfit should work well.
Finally Sunday, we have another get together with the non trans - crossdresser group we are in. It's the one where the woman I call the "prodder" or Mom comes to. If you don't remember, she was the one who always had something derogatory to say about my hair. I am hoping she comes so she can see my new hair. With my luck, she won't be there.
I just hope we can be home in time for the Super Bowl. For any number of reasons I am keeping my picks quiet. Although I am rooting for the Rams :)
Tomorrow night (Saturday) we are going back to the upscale Italian restaurant we frequent fairly regularly. That's the good news, the bad news is the cross dresser who is madly in love with Liz will be there too. There is not much nice I can write about him except I love to block his advances and the food is good. As far as I ever get "dressed up" happens when we go to this place. I'm thinking about reintroducing my cream colored over the hip sweater with a pair of patterned leggings and black boots. The venue is upscale casual, so the outfit should work well.
Finally Sunday, we have another get together with the non trans - crossdresser group we are in. It's the one where the woman I call the "prodder" or Mom comes to. If you don't remember, she was the one who always had something derogatory to say about my hair. I am hoping she comes so she can see my new hair. With my luck, she won't be there.
I just hope we can be home in time for the Super Bowl. For any number of reasons I am keeping my picks quiet. Although I am rooting for the Rams :)
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I still don't know if it might just be varying degrees of gender dysphoria that make the difference between one being a cross dresser or transsexual (for lack of a better term). Was it dysphoria that led me, at a very young age, to be attracted to feminine things like makeup, jewelry, and dresses? I certainly had a sense of euphoria when I put them on, but I don't know that euphoria needs to be a counter to dysphoria. I do know that the dysphoria was recognized when I began puberty; when my body started changing to something I was not happy to have. The dichotomy of a testosterone surge against my deep desire to grow into womanhood was only tempered by cross dressing experiences. The biggest fete of my life was to, at seventeen, decide to suppress my desires and maintain it for another seventeen years. The darkest period of my life was the next seventeen years, when I attempted to use closeted cross dressing to deal with my dysphoria. Like a drug addict, though, I was only maintaining, and I eventually took the leap to going out of the house as a way to find the fix that would bring back that euphoric feeling.
Hanging out with cross dressers soon lost its luster for me. I enjoyed myself, to be sure, but I still could see differences in our individual motivations for expressing our femininity. After about a year of attending events with this group, one of them asked me a question that really set me on the course of transition. She asked if I were going to disappear, as others had done, because I wasn't feeling the gratification of being involved with a bunch of "mere" cross dressers. Well, yes, I had already determined that I was not like most of them. My femininity was not dictated by a series of events at which I was participating. Those were just things that I had been doing, but I finally learned that they were only a part of who I was. When Thursday nights became the trans version of the movie, Groundhog's Day, for me, I did make my exit from the group. Interestingly, though, the few I did try to maintain relationships with ended up disappearing from my life within a short time, as well.
Although my theory of dysphoria/euphoria is in need of more development, I have found a balance in my own life that causes me to not really care anymore. My gender dysphoria will always be there, but it has become less of a motivation toward what I do to alleviate it; more just a part of who I am that is as innate as my compulsion to breath. Funny, it took finding who I am to be able to really breath."