Friday, February 22, 2019

Ashamed to be Transgender?

Yesterday, I happened to come across a blog post called "I am Not Ashamed to be Transgender" on a very extensive web site called "T-Central". By extensive, I mean the site is a compilation of many transgender - cross dressing blogs. You can follow the link above to check it out.

The post I am mentioning here is from a mother with a trans child. Here is a brief excerpt:

 "When I asked my son (who is transgender) what kind of impact our support had, he looked me straight in the eye (which teenagers generally don’t do) and said, “I don’t feel ashamed of who I am.” Several years later and I can still feel the power behind that statement that he uttered with such conviction, not a moment’s hesitation."

I thought "Wow", how great it would have been to tell my Mom that when I was a teen-ager and for her to accept it, or at least think about it. You see, I didn't have one of those mothers who subconsciously would let me be a girl in any way shape or form. Ironically, I did come out to her when I got out of the Army when I was twenty five. I told her about the same thing, I was not going to feel ashamed of myself anymore. Which wasn't true and I wish it was.

The fact of the matter was, my Mom slammed the closet door in my face that night so long ago (1975) and we never mentioned it again. She passed away several years later.

I really admire the younger generation of transgender children who have the conviction to stand up for who they are and possibly respect even more the parents who accept them. 

FYI...I have forgiven my Mom and even legally changed my middle name to her first name. It turned out, she did get the daughter she never had and in so many ways we turned out so much alike.

1 comment:

  1. I hope to live long enough to see how the current generation of young transgender people will fare as they move into adulthood. There will still be pitfalls for them, but not having to deal with the shame is a definite advantage. For those who have parental acceptance and support, there will be a much more solid foundation.

    I didn't have to tell my mother; she figured it out when she discovered some of her clothing was missing when I was about 12-years-old. Beyond a swift beating of my ass and a warning to never do it again, we never discussed it, either - unless you count subsequent reprises of the same interaction as being an on-going discussion. It's almost impossible, as a child, not to feel the shame in yourself when your parents express their own shame for you. It is so much more than, say, a feeling of guilt a child may get from getting caught with stealing a cookie. If my guilt was the cookie, my shame was the whole cookie jar; the cookie my gender expression, the jar my gender identity.

    I have forgiven my mother, too. Neither of us knew what was going on, and "transgender" was something years away. It's said that knowledge is power, and there is so much more information that is readily available to both trans kids and their parents these days. I hold hope and prayer that both will avail themselves of that information and learn there is nothing for which to be ashamed - neither for the trans child or the parents of a trans child.