Saturday, February 2, 2019

To Be or Not to Be

Last night's social was as as successful as it usually is. The only difference came when when I was waiting for Liz outside the women's room when we were ready to leave. As I was sitting on a stool, an attractive cis woman and her friend came out of the bathroom. We briefly exchanged glances and she smiled and said Hi and reached out and touched me. First I was flattered, then I was slightly depressed I was read as being transgender. More on that later.

Before all of that happened, I was observing one of the trans men at the table. Normally he is very affable but last night, he was very uptight for some reason. This morning he said on his Facebook page he has been suffering anxiety from his gender dysphoria.

I felt somewhat the same way this morning as I looked in the mirror. All of the sudden I wondered just how in the hell I got here. Living full time as a trans woman. Then, I flashed back to last night and the cis woman who reached out to me so briefly. She took me back to the days when I was first trying to find my place in a feminine world.

As I normally do, I kept thinking in fact, I know how I got here. I was born into it and have/had no choice in the matter, no matter how hard I fought.

I'm fortunate, I can keep my gender dysphoria to a minimum. Simply by living it.

Being in my present is completely superior to living in my "not to be" past.

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