You Can Never Go Home-But You Can Just Go Away?

As you regulars here in Crysti's Condo have noticed-fewer posts this week. (Don't cheer dammit!) The real reason is another walk through hell this week. More than just 100 degree heat indexes.

I had access to Liz's 17 year old son to abuse for a couple days in my house. We managed to move several of my vintage furniture pieces downstairs to possibly sell. But, Tuesday was yet another fun day at the Doc's. To be blunt, I felt like shit. Of course a generic woman can just tie her hair back, toss on a pair of old jeans, t-shirt and head out. I just said "screw it" and did the same thing. Wrong-wrong-wrong I found.

Literally, the Doc was having a difficult finding me. Why? My name matched - but not my new picture he had for his system. He was a cool Doc and blunt as hell and flat out asked me WTH was I transgender??? I said Duh!!! yes!! Male name, female picture, male in his office?

Fortunately, he calmed down and he said he knew what was wrong with my liver and could be treated-about the time his assistant Doc came through (plus a resident student) and he said yes "he is trans" and he is in "boy drag" (my terms.)

In all fairness to them, the fact my hands skin have been falling off for the past months was fascinating. I just asked could have I have it "cured" by Halloween or was I saving costume money this year. By this time my humor was running thin and of course it was time to move on to other tests.

The week was far from over though. Thursday was hiding a uninsured fender bender accident on my "Roll's" and Friday morning my old dog has an emergency vet visit for an inflamed eye.

Hey! At the least life is never boring. Just wanted to check in and tell you all what was going on and yes-tomorrow night (Friday) is going to be a beautiful night for a "blue moon!" (not the beer!)

Cyrsti's Hart "From the Hart"

Gender Mixer

Lately here in Cyrsti's Condo I have been writing about last weekend which began with my first pedicure and ended with selling a vintage collectible for my sister in law.

Of course along the way I wrote about being called "Kris" Saturday. Blah,blah,blah.  My precious little ego recovered quickly enough in the sweltering heat and we headed on to our next stop.

Momma Karma has a way of twisting me in the wind. She seems to always remind me the impact of HRT and a transgender life is fleeting. An existence where "passing privilege" blows in the wind for me.

I had an example Sunday. I was dressed in boy drag to meet the person who purchased the item. Afterward, Liz and I stopped by a fast food place to get a salad before we headed back to Cincinnati. As we reached our place in line to order, the cashier said "can I help you ladies?"

Momma giveth and taketh away.

You Can Call me Ray or You Can Call me Jay-DON'T Call me KRIS!

If I took the time to list the ever growing list of things which aggravate me ( which I call my bucket list of sorts.)  Actually-the new one is becoming  the bigger list these days.

One thing which has a tendency to really get me going is when people I know slightly start calling me "Cyrs." First of all, my name is not a feminized version of my male name. My name actually comes from "crystal" - from how light passes through it.  Calling me "Kris" in my pea brain is similar to calling me "he, dude or sir."

I have already written here in Cyrsti's Condo about Liz and I going Saturday to the Celtic Festival in Dayton, Ohio. In the middle of walking down the middle of the vendor tents, I heard someone scream "Kris!" I normally ignore a situation like that the same way I do when and if someone tries to call me "sir." And, I did. Liz didn't hear it and we kept on walking until I heard it again "Kris!!!"

Finally I turned around to look and see what the commotion was all about and saw two people Liz and I were acquainted with from one of our "Meetup" groups. In all fairness to them, they are acquaintances-not bad people and obviously in need of some "TLTE" (Tender Loving Transgender Education.) - Which has started already 

It's rumored I am known to have a bit of a temper, so it's fortunate we didn't meet up with those two in person later on Saturday. Already I am working out a better explanation of my profile name in this group 

 In the meantime, there will be more to this story which happened the next day!

"Mix and Match" Weekend

To all of you (and Shelle lles) who haven't gone the pedi route - it was fun- Even after going through the increasingly normal "passive aggressive" transgender reaction I'm getting used to in the world. Example?  I don't have much belief in "coincidence" but somehow out of six "technicians" two were male and I got one of them. To my knowledge, no one said anything mean about me, but then again I couldn't have understood them if they did. During the relatively quick process though, I'm relatively certain half of the shop walked by and gave me the famous quick side glance. Anymore I just try to catch them in the act and embarrass them.

It was all good though, Liz has been going to this shop for years, I love my toes and we tipped cash. From there we went ahead and went out for some lite dinner.

Through the whole dinner experience, I was able to be free and relaxed. The clientele was youngish and relativity upscale. The "ladies" word was used with us as freely as the names of the "craft beers" on tap!

However,  the rest of the weekend would provide me with several more opportunities to sample the "world's wares." As Liz says being with me may be exhausting-but it is never boring!

Stay tuned!!!

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Morning Edition"

KerPlunk! and welcome to another Sunday morning edition! It's building to another very warm 90 plus degree Ohio summer day around here, so the "joe" (coffee) is going to being iced today. Let's get started:

Page One-The Week that Was-or Wasn't. Not much ultra new or exciting last week. The usual suspects populated our transgender world such as Caitlin Jenner, Jazz Jennings and yes even Zoey Tur. Plus, we picked up a discussion on Trans woman Carly from the ABC Family Network. Even though we know "reality" is not often "reality" on American television, the discussions often are-after the cameras are off out here in the real world.

Page Two-Of Interest: As you regulars know, my choice of pursuing gender reassignment surgery is no. I understand the drive for so many others to have SRS but at the age of 65 what is between my legs does not define my gender. But-I do not hold it against others who desire the operation deeply. However, what has been happening little by little is others are feeling that way too-many in the younger generation who identify as gender fluid, agender or whatever. As always, I can't help but wonder how I would have felt "back in the day" when I was young and the same info would have been available. 

Page Three-It's Raining Men- in Skirts? Yes, yesterday was the Dayton, Ohio Celtic Festival and more than a few of the men showed up in their finest kilts. If you are not sure what a "kilt" is all about, follow the link. Rest assured kids, these guys weren't cross dressers-at least yesterday! I do have some pictures (no not in a kilt!) around somewhere on Liz or I's phone to pass along later then again you know what I look like.

Page Four-The Back Page: Before we take off, I am going to pass along a story from the other night  when Nikki, Kim and I got together for an adult beverage.  As I have mentioned before, both of them are of the "lesbian" faith. After we had been there awhile, it became evident a couple others of "the faith" across the bar were having an emotional moment. Nikki, who is never shy about buying others a "beverage" had the bartender sent the person across the bar (who was crying) a drink. The bartender said "from whom?" Nikki just said "from the team. How sweet!!!

Thanks as always for taking your valuable time for stopping by! Luv's ya!!!

Transgender Snow Flakes?

Hopefully the world is finding one meeting or even television show at a time, we transgender women and trans men are as different as snowflakes. Pat, Connie and Mandy have mentioned many times how simply "making contact" in the world brings the public to us-not the reverse. Connie gets the credit for this quote:

"Transgender women or men who are shown by the media are done so for economic reasons. Whether it's supposed "reality" or portrayals in an entertainment sense, we can only hope that the general population does not use them as examples to define the rest of us. Gender Identity is the only thing we may have in common; the rest of who we are is as different as are snowflakes."

This quote from Connie actually came from one of my who/us posts and I paraphrase: Caitlin Jenner did take one for the team when she received her Espy Courage Award. On the other on Becoming Us Mtf transgender woman Carly, seems more interested in taking one for her. (Or in her case-taking one off.)

From my angle, all of the PR, does seem to be making my life easier. I look at it as a cooking mix of sort: Put in a mix of HRT (hair-skin-etc) add a pinch of public relations and baking it with my half baked friends!

Cyrsti's Condo "Cover Girl" of the Day

Somewhere in the deep recesses of my noggin, I seem to remember featuring the UK's Kay English before.

At any rate unless she reads the blog and has something against it, here she is again.

 I just think Kay represents the best in feminine presentation pix. (I don't know her preferred label-transgender-cross dresser or whatever.)

Cyrsti's Condo Virgin Toes?

Tomorrow night I will go through another feminine "rite of passage" of sorts. As always, I am a little late for the party but I will make it none the less. (I hope!!!)

Liz and I are going on a mini "girl's night out"  complete with a pedicure. We can't do the classic "mani-pedi" because my hands are still healing from whatever has ravaged them. Tuesday, I have an appointment with yet another doctor. This time a dermatologist. 

The last couple of summers, I have developed an affinity for wearing sandals/flipflops. At the same time I have been able to perfect an amateur pedicure of sorts. But, never the real deal.

My problem is of course I am highly worried about the perception of my "less than dainty" feet. Liz simply says my feet are certainly not small but proportioned well. She has always pointed out (often) size has less to do with passing privilege as proportion- One reason for the need for quality padding around the hips for most of us to offset our shoulders. And, another mistake overzealous beginning cross dressers make when they over compensate immediately in the "boob" department.

As always, I digress and I have been directed to "prep" tonight and at least shave my legs from the knees down (really?) Plus, I have been researching the number of women I see who do not have exactly fashion model feet, so I won't be as shy about mine. 

So I believe tomorrow night will be one of those feminine rights of passage similar to my first visit to a salon to get my hair done. I am excited and at least Liz will be with me so I shouldn't get lost.

Philippine "Garage Band?"

So, that's what you have been doing with your spare time?
Thanks Bobbie :)

Trans Passing Privilege with a Capital "P"!

Pejic left and Swift right.

I know the last couple posts here in Cyrsti's Condo have dealt with trans women (mostly young) with tons of passing privilege. Now, I know many of you are like me and are just doing your best to get by in the feminine world-But! I do love to dream and marvel at the transitions I see with many Mtf transgender women.

Of course in that category is trans supermodel Andreja Pejic, who by the way turned up on stage with Taylor Swift as part of her BFF Squad.


Australian-born Pejic, 23, is the world's most famous trans model and was recently featured in AmericanVogue. Pejic is also the first transgender model to land a cosmetic campaign. 

I will never say her (Pejic's) appearance with Swift helps me in any way with my life but it sure looks like fun!!!

Cyrsti's Condo Cover Girl of the Day

Kim Petras

With all the recent publicity 14 year old transgender girl Jazz Jennings is getting these days, it's hard to believe it seems 20 something trans German singer/writer Kim Petras has been around forever!

If you recall, Petras was very adamant that her gender had always been female. In an interview about her surgery she stated "I was asked if I feel like a woman now - but the truth is I have always felt like a woman - I just ended up in the wrong body".

"Us" is "Who?"

In an extension of sorts from a previous Cyrsti's Condo post - an in depth look at the confusing and ever evolving list of terms to describe "us". Let's do who!

Now, with the ever growing explosion of transgender programming on television, many of us have had to pause and consider again where we fit in. Since I am writing this, lets take me for an example. The easiest is Caitlin Jenner. We both describe ourselves as transgender women but I will never have the privilege she has. Or, how about Laverne Cox? Again we both are trans and I deeply admire her work and public presence-but I will never be able to totally understand her experience of growing up black in the deep South. Then there is Carly on Becoming Us. She probably comes closest to me as far the social-economic side of life goes but again something about her just leaves me cold. I mean did she develop that annoying giggle as she transitioned? Sorry Carly.  (Liz told me I was just a bitch.)

By now you are probably asking "Cyrsti, just who do you like?" Actually, I like all of it. (except Zoey Tur of course.) How cool is it to be even having this conversation?

And now, 

This Summer, Let Your Voice Be Heard

The 2015 U.S. Trans Survey will be available to complete beginning in August. Until then, get involved in promoting the survey and join our mailing list below. You'll be the first to know when the study is available to complete, and the first to see the results.

This is actually a big deal as more of us stand up to be counted!!! 

And don't worry, I am just a cynic not  bitch! Liz!!!

The Definitive Guide to---Us?

"Us" is similar to "they." The faceless minions in the world, not in the new movie.

If you use "us" as in the TGLBQ community, it's a serious deal especially to civilians. After all in a previous recent Cyrsti's Condo post, Connie and I discussed using the "she" pronoun at all when referring to Zoey Tur.

Perhaps you remember the Simmons College "SocialWork@Simmons" Blog we participated with here in the blog. Now Simmons is passing along a "Gender and Sexuality - Defining Terms for Everyday Use."

Here is the intro:  "Navigating the dialogue that surrounds gender and sexuality can be difficult. The terminology used by and for individuals along the gender spectrum is specific, and preferred usage can vary from individual to individual. Consider the acronym LGBT, which stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender. It’s used all the time in phrases like “LGBT community” and “LGBT rights.” Yet, some people and groups include a “Q” in the acronym to stand for questioning, while others include an “I” to stand for intersex. The language is adaptable and it is always evolving."

Since it is incredibly complex for "us" I can only imagine how confusing it is for "them."

Thanks for checking in Megan (on my email) and Chris for his work on the blog. Follow the link for an in depth look. 

Perhaps of all the terminology, "evolving" is the most profound.

Cyrsti's Condo "Quote of the Day."

Yes...this is me!!!

Gender-izing a Belt?

This is sort of a cute story that happened Saturday. Here in Cyrsti's Condo numerous times I have mentioned my partner Liz's 89 year old Dad. It's safe to say during his life, he has never been known as a card carrying liberal-as referenced by the bear he hunted years ago and the ultra light plane he was building (until his health gave out) in the garage.

Over my five years or so with Liz, I have been involved in all the small family events and helping to take him around to his medical appointments - including an amazing set of cataract operations. When he started the four operations on both eyes, essentially he was legally blind, now he is increasingly close to 20/20.

Along the way, I have told Liz when he begins to see me-there will be questions. After all, when you get to be 90-you can ask anything you want.

Saturday when we were in the optometrist store getting him fitted for glasses, I was making sure he got out of his walker and into a chair. Suddenly he looked straight ahead at my belt and said "Is that a girl belt, or a boy belt and then paused and said one of those gay boy belts?" I softly leaned in and said "it's a girl belt, Jim."

Now, as we all know this transgender life presents interesting twists. In my case, Liz has never really talked to Dad about my true genderality. On some occasions he will call me Chris and others Cyrsti and add in a "hon" or even a doll.

Being the loving and giving person I am, I told Liz he is your Dad and the time is coming for a transgender sit down. Daughter dearest-are you a lesbian or what?  Because now he can see me and hear me as long as he can find his hearing aids!

Zoey Tur -The Doc and More

Connie called me to task concerning a recent post I wrote here in Cyrsti's Condo concerning two individuals who I think at the least are out to make a "living" of sorts from the transgender community. One is Dr. Drew-the other Zoey Tur (a self professed trans woman). From Connie:

"I don't watch Dr. Drew; I just read about this incident. Is Dr. Drew really transphobic? Obviously, Ben Shapiro is. However, I'm going to take you to task again, because we transgender people should not also be passing judgement on each other. (she)? You recently posted that there is no one right way to transition - but does that mean there are wrong ways? I would agree that Zoey is somewhat an embarrassment, based on what I have seen of her, and she certainly is taking a different path of transition than I.

 However, if I am living in the hope that I will be received by the world in a civil manner for my gender identity, I must also do the same for anyone else's. After all, if we transgender people know that our gender identities are not a matter of choice, then we should respect that - even if a person demonstrates what we have determined to be subsequent acts that are based on choice. So, you might say, "Zoey Tur - she is an asshole", but the "she" should not be "(she)". The "asshole" could even be capitalized, however."

Connie, there are probably only one person who knows for sure if he is transphobic and that is Dr. Drew himself-or is he simply another talking head asking questions for ratings. As far as Zoey Tur goes, I believe you all should know by now what I think about Zoey (less than zero) and I will direct you to a show between the Doc and Zoey here. Ben Shapiro is not really worth my words or energy.

Finally, as far as calling Tur a "she" I thought about not doing it but went ahead. After all, there are plenty of generic's I meet who don't deserve the pronoun.

Cyrsti's Condo at the "Movin' Picture Show!"

One way to beat the "heat" during a hot humid sultry Ohio day?
Spend it at the "movin' picture show!" 

We actually watched the classic Billy Wilder Film Noir Double Indemnity vintage film re-released by TCM for the big screen!  

Cyrsti's Condo- "From the Hart"

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

KerPlunk! Another Sunday Edition has hit your virtual front porch. This week, we are locked into 90 degree plus temperatures and humidity levels which make the heat feel into the 100's. Vintage Ohio. Our "Joe" (coffee) this morning is going to be iced.  Let's get started!

Page One-The Week that was-or Wasn't: On different ends of the transgender spectrum last week, "senior citizen" Caitlin Jenner won an ESPY Sports Courage Award and 14 year old teen trans girl Jazz Jenning's first "reality family show" debuted. Of course Jenner is (and will be) a lightning rod for anything transgender. And, even though I was conflicted about Jenner being chosen for the award-I thought she did a wonderful job of speaking to the tragic problem of teen transgender suicide. More than a few people continue to think no matter what, just throw religion at the trans (problem) and it will go away. With tragic consequences.


Page Two- "Jazzin it Up": Trans teen Jazz Jennings show was a delight. Of course, Jazz is no stranger to the spotlight. At the age of seven Jazz began to tell her story to the world-by choice. Seven years later she presents a unique look at a journey most of us could only dream of. Yet in the middle of Jazz's story comes another-just as compelling: what is a trans teen to do when dealing with boys who are struggling to come to grips with life as a man? Connie comments on Page Three.

Page Three- Shakin Your What? During episode one, Jazz compared her "problems" with boys compared to other girls. I paraphrase, but she said "all they had to do was stick their butts out and the boys would follow." Her point is not lost on any of us of any age. After all, the debate has raged for years on how a cis man who is attracted to a transgender woman be labeled. Gay, Bi or whatever. Still a debate for another time. In the meantime Connie commented:

"Socially, we've advanced to a point where women are recognized for their capabilities beyond house-wivery and the beck and call to their husband's sexual desires. Not that those things are any less important, as the expectation of them has never disappeared - at least they haven't, from most men's points of view. Transgender women cannot compete, as we're having to play a different game on a different play field. Even after taking advantage of all medical science has to offer, we may be able to attract a man, but our past will put the kibosh on most men's game.Transgender women who move into transition are making the move toward sexism, and the short end of it at that. 

Even after fighting the negativity of those who quote bible verses and amateur geneticists (funny, how this is the one thing upon which the two agree), a transgender woman who sticks her butt out must realize that she is, at the same time, sticking her neck out."

I love the last sentence!

Page Four-The Back Page: Well kids, time to wrap up this issue and move out into the tropics! As always, I love you all and wish you all peace love and happiness!!!!

Down the Rabbit Hole?

It's been fairly obvious to most of you visitors to Cyrsti's Condo during my life I have spent some time rummaging around in the "crawzy wabbit" hole.

Most assume automatically it's been because I am transgender and have been on this epic journey seeking my "genderality." Of course much of that is true but there is so much more.

The Goddess has blessed me with a daughter, three grand kids and yet another cis woman who loves me  All of which I have never been sure I deserved. Still, there is so much more I have never ever been able to reach out and understand.

One hundred twenty five years ago when I was serving out the rest of my Army time in Germany, a couple friends and I began to explore meditation lessons. I actually became so involved I actually scared myself off. To this day though, I still use what I learned to clam myself down and de-stress.

That's all good, but yesterday at Liz and I's "Meetup" group,one of the women in the group presented an idea for a group of us to attend a group of "self awareness" sessions. I was wary until she said you could go down your own rabbit hole to the point of coming out the other side. If we had the courage or need to.

We talked later about the sessions and I expressed some of my reservations about the sessions. She assumed I was referring to being transgender. Of course I wasn't. But then I began to think , it's a good idea.

You see, "back in the day" I was deeply trying to deny my gender dysphoria and maybe somehow my fears were tied in with what I was inevitable. Now of course, I am way past all of that. 

So maybe I can release more of my demons-at the least . Never let the "wabbit's" hear you scream, at least- in our own hole. 

Earth Girls Have it Easy???

Used to think years ago girls/women did have it easier than men. After all, back in the day, how hard did June Cleaver really have it on Leave it to Beaver? Except making sure she was looking her best as she served the evening dinner?

Of course as I grew up and learned more about the meaning of "family values"-what were June's wifely duties for husband Ward after the show was over? Of course as the conservative social peeps preach, it was a simpler time. After all, gays were in the closet, men in dresses (transvestites) could be arrested on site and so what if the girl's phys ed teacher acted a "little" masculine?  And, what the hell was a transgender person???

In my case, the more I transitioned into the feminine world, I found out how earth girls had it less easy than earth boys. On the rare occasion a guy did move into my social radar, found that compared to women, I experienced far more problems. I am sure passing privilege had something to do with that, but that is another blog post.

Where I am going with this one is the comment Jazz Jennings made about her teen-aged interactions with male and female class mates. I paraphrase but she said something to the point that her female classmates just had to stick their behinds out to get attention but with her, it was much more difficult with the boys. As you can imagine.

So no, "earth girls" don't have it easy and "earth trans girls" have a much harder time yet!

We can only hope the June Cleaver's of today aren't stopping on their way home from their job picking up "Jesus's Own Chicken" from Chik-fil-et and choosing a much more LGBT friendly chain! 

Cyrsti's Condo "Quote of the Day"

Nine Lives Lost-So Far

Casper Taub

The grim reality is the trans suicides keep mounting. Not long ago in April A bullied 15-year-old transgender skater from West Bloomfield, Michigan died from suicide.

Casper Taub's death was brought to national attention Wednesday (15 July) night in Caitlyn Jenner’s powerful speech at the ESPY Awards.

Taub, who was also known as Sam, skated under the number 57 and his teammates in the Darlings of Destruction Junior Derby League remember him as ‘a bright and shining star’ whose ‘sense of humor was fantastic.’

He is the ninth transgender teen to die by suicide this year.

Jenner spoke about transgender suicide in her emotional ESPYs speech and paid tribute to Taub and 17-year-old Mercedes Williamson – a transgender woman of color was found stabbed to death in a field in Mississippi.

‘I also want to tell you about Sam Taub, a 15-year-old transgender young man from Bloomfield, Michigan,’ Jenner said.

‘In early April, Sam took his own life. Now, Sam’s story haunts me in particular because his death came just a few days before ABC aired my interview with Diane Sawyer.'

It's easy for me to place the tragic blame on conservative families, religious bigots and poorly supervised schools- but then again maybe I am right. 

Comedy and the Trans Girl

Recently I have been meeting my friend Kim for our Wednesday night "play nights." Rarely are they boring and the venue where we have been going for years has been experimenting with different ways of building business. The newest is yet another version of the well worn out Ladies Night drink specials along with different forms of so called entertainment. I figured it was far past time to enjoy my taste of Ladies Drink Specials!

One of the bigger surprises was when we found ourselves front and center on "Comedy Night." Our expectations were low - not expecting to see the next Jerry Seinfeld or Amy Shumer that night but, actually a couple of the guys were entertaining. (Or it could have been the 'dolla' pints?) Whatever the case, one of the comics began to zero in on the two sets of ladies in the half empty bar. I was half of one of the sets. Initially, I was a little embarrassed and warmed up to the attention.  Why not?

After the show, the comic came over to us and said "would you ladies be interested in attending his bigger show in August? If we were, he had free tickets for us." We took the tickets, again-of course.

Of course I had a great time all night. What I never (or not yet) grasped all the factors of why I have completely wonderful periods of time living my chosen gender-or others which are disasters. Obviously material for many blog posts.

One thing I do know is, I have to work very hard for any passing privilege I achieve. When I don't keep my hair up, my make up right or my weight down-I am just beginning to look for problems.

In the meantime, the times when my gender stars come together are unbelievably natural and uplifting-no joke!!! 

Having the Courage to Pay Forward?

Yesterday here in Cyrsti's Condo, we wrote about the relative "plethora" of transgender related programming Wednesday night but still forgot to mention Caitlin Jenner's acceptance of an ESPY. What is an "ESPY" you might ask? It's the annual Emmy's style award show directed at the sporting world by the sports programming giant ESPN. Both Pat and Connie asked me (sort of) why I didn't mention Caitlin. First some background: Of course not all the world was pleased with Jenner receiving the award for courage. Even I had my doubts as I witnessed the up close and personal struggle with a terminal brain tumor waged around Christmas last year by a local Cincinnati woman's basketball player. (Lauren Hill-now deceased)

Jenner (left)-Lauren Hill (right)

From Time Magazine:

"In the midst of the outcry, though, Jenner stood strong — a resolve she carried to the stage on Wednesday night. She used the speech as a rallying cry for the fair treatment of transgender youth.

“If you want to call me names, make jokes, doubt my intentions, go ahead, because the reality is I can take it,” she said. “But for the thousands of kids out there coming to terms with the truth of who they are, they shouldn’t have to take it.”

“For the people out there wondering what this is all about — whether it’s about courage or controversy or publicity — it’s about what happens from here,” she continued. “It’s not about just one person… it’s not just about me, it’s about all of us, accepting one another. We’re all different. That’s not a bad thing. That’s a good thing."

Yes, my most jaded self came to appreciate when Caitlin Jenner did have the opportunity to speak on behalf of the most important segment of the transgender community (youth) she did.

A Big Night Tonight

Plenty of action on the the American "Tube" tonight. (Wednesday EST) Do they call televisions a tube anymore or has the term gone the route of calling transvestites "TV's"? 

From ABC News:

"Like many teenage girls her age, Jazz Jennings spent time at the beach this summer and loves playing soccer with her friends, but she’s about to face a new challenge when she starts high school in the fall.

“I’m a little bit worried because I’m not sure if people are going to be fully accepting,” she said. “I’ve noticed that boys are less accepting than girls.”

Jazz is transgender, and at just 14 years old, she is staving off puberty and medically transitioning her body to female, the gender she identifies as, by taking estrogen and puberty blockers. All the while, like her peers, Jazz is trying to navigate typical teenage issues.

“It's hard for me to talk about boys with my friends sometimes,” Jazz said. “All they have to do is stuck their butt out and then a boy's like, ‘Text me.’ For me, it's not like that.”

AND! NASA has announced more and more of the historic pictures of the (planet??) tonight. Pluto tonight. And, all along I thought Pluto was a cartoon dog!!!

Cyrsti's Condo "From the Hart"

Cyrsti's Condo - "On the Runway"

Unidentified Pinterest Womanless Pageant Cross Dresser

Should "Sean" try not to look toooo comfortable in his girlfriends boots in this womanless beauty pageant picture. And, did gf (and her girl friends)  really take away his male clothes for the night?

The Science of Bra's

Think of it-which item of clothing generates more discussion than a bra. Often, the discussion is cute and nostalgic, embarrassing or even fetishistic in nature. Or Not!  For those of us who had/have a history of dating generic girls, there are the terrible memories of trying to slyly "unlock" the mysteries of removing our dates bra's at the drive in theater.  (Imagine what she felt?) Then, there were the wonderful girls who could "effortlessly" take their bras off-under a sweat shirt. 

Of course as time has passed and I have learned the gender grass on the other side is NOT necessarily always greener. Many of the women I know don't speak fondly of the first trips with Mom to pick out a training bra. Plus, there is the pressure to buy the right lingerie set (including a bra) for an intimate date night. (Or the possibility of one.)

Cis Model Lace Bra

And, of course there is more- so much more. If and when you decide to explore HRT and develop your own breasts, then all of a sudden you are slightly embarrassed teen girl looking for her first real bra.



Finally, I know I'm writing to the choir here about the power of the right bra. No pun intended, but the right one can "push" you to heights you never imagined. T-shirt bras can smooth you under a form fitting top or a flirty "peek a boo" lace bra can give you just a touch of class when you need it (not all low like me!)

I could go on and on. For some bra's are a BIG topic and for others (me) not so big. I can only say I have had a whole different idea of what's going on under my external clothing recently. I was more than a little shocked the first time I was told by one of my doctors to take my top off-then my bra. (Yes Mom-my undies were clean!!)

It's not a real surprise that bra's are such a big deal because they hold breasts (real or other wise.) And, we all know the power of the "girls" on both genders. Transgender, cross dresser, cis man or woman- all are influenced by breasts.

Even when I was wearing breast forms exclusively, somehow they defined my femininity.  Big or small, shaped well or not-bra's have a big job to do with all the boobs running around!

A Cross Dressers Best Friend?

"Jessie Pierce" a self proclaimed "T-girl" shows off her best friend!!! Her mirror!!!

From Yahoo News:

"Make Up For Ever is setting an important precedent in the beauty industry. The brand has tapped transgender model Andreja Pejic to be the face of their latest campaign, making the leggy beauty one of the first transgender models to land a major beauty deal (Pejic joins Brazilian model Lea T —who partnered with Redken in 2014—in leading to change in a largely cisgender-dominated industry). "I prefer doing shoots," the 23-year-old reveals in the interview. Time magazine last year for a feature titled "The Transgender Tipping Point," which explored how the acceptance of transgender individuals is the next social frontier in the U.S.)."


Don't you LOVE it? and her!!!!

Breaking Transgender Military NEWS!!!!

WASHINGTON (AP) — The Associated Press has learned that Pentagon leaders are finalizing plans aimed at lifting the ban on transgender individuals serving in the military.

Senior U.S. officials say an announcement is expected this week. They say the military would have six months to determine the impact and work out details, with the presumption that they would end one of the last gender- or sexuality-based barriers to military service.

The officials say that during the transition, transgender individuals would still not be able to join the military. Decisions to force out those already serving would have to be referred to a top Defense Department leader.

Several officials familiar with the planning spoke on condition of anonymity because they were not authorized to discuss the issue before the details have been worked out.

FINALLY!!!!!

Didn't Your Mom Raise You Better?

Sunday afternoon (yesterday) Liz and I went to her neighborhood large chain drug store to pick up a prescription for her and items for her Dad. I can make an excuse and say I wasn't having my best day with all the heat and humidy, a bum knee and various other "old person" ailments. But, it was going to get worse-for somebody else.

At any rate I followed Liz through the sliding doors and had enough time to look up and ahead of me at this 40 something woman almost peeing down her leg elbowing her husband in the side to notice me. I don't know if she ever got his attention after I started glaring her down.

I just kept staring at her until I had fully walked by and after the first "pee down her leg" moment, she only made the briefest of eye contact with me. The fortunate part was I didn't tell Liz until she had left the store and I asked her (Liz) "didn't she think it was sort of strange so many store employee's had "happened" to make their way to the front door to say goodbye? 

She said no-why? Then I told her the story of the rude woman who obviously had to share her "secret" to the crew. It did surprise me though, the crew did respond like that because we go in there quite a bit.  The crew though was not mean and since they were 20 somethings- for the most part- are fascinated to transgender women and men.

So, Liz wanted to go find the woman- NO! The rude woman was introduced to a "not so sweet" trans woman and the crew was treated to a more interesting afternoon! 

I felt better!

I Did Not Want to Wake Up!

As I read and see all these transgender women and trans girls talk and write about always wanting to be or feeling like a girl-I wonder where did I go wrong?

Was I really a transgender "pretender" or a glorified cross dresser as many were quick to suggest?

In my "spare time" these days I seemingly am turning up more and more gender "history" on myself. First of all, let me point out I could give a rat's ass less what 99% of the people think about me. These are merely a few of my "aha" moments.

1.- Yes, I did wake up some mornings desperately wanting to be a girl.
2.- On Christmas, YES I did want girly things and not boy gifts.
3.- No, I never wanted to hunt and fish with Dad and brother (although I did later embrace fishing later.
4.-Possibly the best story is the year we went on a vacation fishing in Canada and for no reason in particular happened along another car for a stretch of highway time. In the car was a teen girl with what I considered was a beautiful head of long dark hair. I again, desperately wanted to be here. I ended up burying my head in my pillow and tried to dream about being a girl.
5.-Speaking of dreaming, yes I did have many dreams which turned out to be nightmares. I dreamed I was a girl-and woke up a boy-again.

So, there you go. i am not sure there is some sort of a transgender rating system. But that was mine. 

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

KerPlunk! Another Sunday edition is hitting your virtual front porch! We are experiencing another very "normal" summer Sunday here in Southwestern Ohio-complete with loud "thunder-boomers" in the middle of the night. For no particular reason, we are drinking our "Joe" hot (coffee) this morning. Grab a cup and let's get started.

Page One.-The Week that Was or Wasn't.- Transgender kids came front and center again-a good thing!  The TLC network (for once) featured a show which didn't feature a child molester family such as the Duggars and/or Honey Boo's Mom and promoted their upcoming trans superstar teen "Jazz Jennings"  

Page Two.- Party Girl.- This weekend was my youngest grandson's birthday. The party proved a very uneventful coming out affair for me and a very fun time for the eight year old party boy. To put it easily, I was only mispronounced once and didn't feel much different one way or another around all of them. One thing that did help though was Liz calling me Cyrsti at every turn and both using the "she" pronoun with me. Plus, in what I call the transgender coming out "ripple effect", my daughter's Sister in Law is from Cincinnati and is ready willing and able to go out with Liz and I to eat and enjoy an adult beverage. Each person who knows and embraces a trans person is where real change beings.

Page Three.- Health is everything! The best news this week for me personally was being pretty much given a clean bill of health on some of my "innards" the docs were looking at. Now, I know at 66, anything can happen but I will take any good news I can get! (Yay!)

Page Four.- The Back Page.- It's been fun kids, but today after we get moving, excitement will include, buying some more very addictive chocolate covered coffee beans, maybe try some salt and vinegar dried crickets and finally color my hair (again). As always, thanks for being my guest here in the Condo!!!! You all are the best!!! 

The Right Answer is There Isn't One

Over the years of my Mtf gender transition, I have come across many with a "it's my way-or the highway" approach to living a transgender life. Truthfully, I know along the way-I have been there too. Guilty as charged.

Recently, I have happened across a couple other bloggers who seem to facing the same problem from others.

Stana at Femulate is one and Francine at In Transition is the other. As is usually the case, Stana wrote a thought provoking personal post essentially about her life. I really don't want to describe it anymore than to say Stana talked in depth abut her life as a "feminine man" and her extensive fashion sense. I will say though, it seemed she was trying to "rationalize" all of it.  No need to!!! The world is full of feminine men and masculine women. Plus, as far as style goes, Stana and I very much fabulous examples of the opposite ends of the trans style spectrum and that's OK too!!! 

If nothing else, all the recent publicity with Caitlin Jenner, Laverne Cox and others should show the world as a transgender community we are different. And, appearance alone far from defines us.

In a similar vein was the post from Francine in which a reader asked her about the best way to come out to her family. Again, her answer was a good one. There is no right answer. Each person is different. 

The only right answer is to take care of yourself. Do your best to follow a path you can understand. Just be aware there will be many blind curves. It sounds like a clique but if you are heading the right way, your inner girl will tell you. She has all he right answers!

Happy Birthday?

Tomorrow night is a family birthday party of my youngest Grand Son. It is yet another in a line of coming out parties for me too. The problem is, I don't want to be the center of attention to fully half of the attendee's who have never met me out of boy-drag.

But after fully catching hell for not coming as me to the last couple birthday parties and coming out to all three kids-I will be there.

Truly, I don't have much apprehension except (of course) what am I going to wear. Blah, blah, blah!) Also, of major importance is the condition (or lack or it) of my hair. Very quickly, my main color of gray is winning it's inevitable battle. With a little luck, I should be able to sweet talk Liz with providing her bathroom-if I don't turn it into a copy (again) of the shower murder scene in "Psycho." If you have never colored your hair the color will stick to you, walls and everything else it comes in contact with. (I learned the hard way-of course!)

My paranoia is, I just don't want my presence to take away from an eight year old boys birthday party! Being transgender in a room full of people means finding a corner to hide in is tough!

Transgender Learning on TLC?

I recoil for the most part anytime I think of "TLC" (The Learning Channel) being a source of any positive television programming at all. After all, one of their greatest programming debacles was"Nineteen and Counting"  -recently exposed for covering allegations of inner family child abuse. If you remember, TLC also featured "Honey Boo Boo."

However last night, I caught an episode?documentary called simply Transgender Kids on TLC and next Wednesday TLC will begin a series featuring transgender girl Jazz Jennings.

Here is a link to the promo-just ignore the rest of the side show. 

"Paranoia and the Duck"

I have written extensively here in Cyrsti's Condo of my complete and total paranoia about spending my last days in this life tossed back in the closet of a bleak nursing home.  OK, I could be too much of a drama queen I know but then again it's my paranoia which lives in it's special little closet in my noggin.

Now, enter the Aflac Insurance Duck character. Wasn't it the Duck who said "without your health-you have nothing?" Well probably not, but-

My point is, I wrote a post about a scheduled "cat-scan" I had last Thursday at my Veterans Administration Hospital. Having no idea of what to expect physically, I did the best I could to shave my legs,pits etc. Of course after I did all of that my "Rolls" car broke down on the way and the only person who could conceivably appreciate all my "grooming" would be the tow truck driver on the way home. (I was wearing a long skirt anyhow.)

Tomorrow morning, I an rescheduled to do it all again.

Again, call me a "drama queen" but I do see all of this as the first stages of my future health care. I really do have a healthy "fear" of being the androgynous "senior critter" who has shown up for tests. Plus, I have led a remarkably healthy life, so I have no experience to fall back on. As we all know, the fear of the unknown is the worst fear of all.

Being a transgender woman though ( I feel ) has made me uniquely qualified to "face down" the unknown.

Tomorrow, I just want to make it to the appointment and let the "Duck" take care of the rest. 

Married in Moscow

My only question about this picture of  Alison Brooks (left) with new husband Alina Davis (Dmitry Kozhukhov) after their wedding in Moscow some time ago-was Putin the best man?


Plus, I dooooo love the wedding gowns!!!

Cyrsti's Condo-Hey Jill was that your Husband in the Gay Bar?

The tall blond to the right thought cross dressing up for the Womanless Beauty Pageant in one of his old Halloween Costume would be innocent enough - until some of his wife's friends recognized him from the gay bar he went to that night!!!

Transgender Women and the "She" Word

Last night I did catch another episode of Becoming Us on the ABC Family Network.

As you can imagine, some gender bigots do not consider this show family friendly programming. (That's when you know you are watching the right show!)

Last night's show featured a clash of cultures of sorts. Mtf Carly's step daughter was getting married.  Carly and family are in the Chicago area, step daughter lives in New York City and future Son in Law's parents are from South Carolina.

Regardless of my suspicions of a "set up", the fact remained that "Mother of the Bride" could not quit mis-pronouncing Carly. In fact at times she kept calling her by her former male name - in front of the rest of the family at a dinner.

Out of respect for all the good people of South Carolina, I don't think this woman was carrying her Confederate flag. She was just gender ignorant-but worse yet thought it was OK-even cute.

At the least, last night's show, took a look at the harmful effects the use of a simple pronoun can have on those of us who cherish the correct one so much.

'Nuttin Honey'

Rarely am I at a loss for words-written or vocal. That's not to say I am full of quality words, but over my lifetime I have faced down my share of "Bull-shitters." Today it seems is one of those days my noggin is quiet.

As all of you know (who are 'blessed' with gender dysphoria) times are rare when we don't try to dig deep within ourselves and question "why"?

I think I am in one of those burn out modes I get into. Going into the Fourth of July weekend, my "Rolls" (car) broke down and I couldn't make my VA Cat scan appointment, was laid up with a bum knee and had to figure out how to scrape up money to pay my property tax. So I basically spent the weekend not at Liz's, by myself as she was working. I don't do well left to myself and basically want to knaw my arm off.

So, today, I am on the comeback trail. My car is getting fixed, my knee is feeling better and my cat-scan has been rescheduled. About the best I could come up with yesterday was a trip through Walmart with "ghosts of cross dressing past." I am too lazy today so far to jump over to Pinterest to snag a photo of an impossibly beautiful (and/or fake transgender woman).

One benefit of being retired is, I can relax a bit more before something else in the transgender world happens I can write about.

Until then, silence is golden? 

Karen, Roxie and I in Walmart

This morning as I finished another VA doctors visit, I stopped at a Walmart to pick up shipping supplies. While I am the first to say I think Walmart has single handily done more to rip the economic heart out of this country, I will say I am a hypocrite and buy boxes/shipping tape at about one third of what I pay anywhere else.

As I was walking through the store, I couldn't help but remember the women walking with me I barely recognized. On one side was a woman from my past I called Karen. Karen was named after a middle school crush I had. To me a "crush" was wanting to be her. My Karen really blossomed in the 1980's. She did fairly well with the big hair, over sized sweaters worn with short skirts and flats. In fact, Karen gave me the courage I could present well enough in the world to get by as a cross dresser. But, essentially, I out grew her the more I searched for my "fit" in a feminine world. 

On the other side of me, came Roxie. As the name would lead you to believe, Roxie was much more adventurous than Karen. Roxie did a lot of crazy stuff in short skirts,heels and blond wigs. Many times "over the top" would be a kind description of her. In many ways Roxie was the antithesis of Karen in that she was too showy-especially for Walmart.

In fact, I tried to judge my "pass-ability" by heading for Walmart.  I never was the sharpest tack in the box and kept going back for more punishment from the hillbillies in this town.  After a while even I understood my long blond wig and black jump suit really fit in well in downtown Columbus and really bad at my local Walmart.

Fast forward to today. Basically, no one gave me a second look. As much as I wanted to break out my "happy dance"-the fact remained the place was nearly empty at that time in the morning (10 AM). On the other hand, my hard earned belief in myself as a trans woman plus the effects of HRT brought me to the point where I am today.

Roxie and Karen were smiling.