The Definitive Guide to---Us?

"Us" is similar to "they." The faceless minions in the world, not in the new movie.

If you use "us" as in the TGLBQ community, it's a serious deal especially to civilians. After all in a previous recent Cyrsti's Condo post, Connie and I discussed using the "she" pronoun at all when referring to Zoey Tur.

Perhaps you remember the Simmons College "SocialWork@Simmons" Blog we participated with here in the blog. Now Simmons is passing along a "Gender and Sexuality - Defining Terms for Everyday Use."

Here is the intro:  "Navigating the dialogue that surrounds gender and sexuality can be difficult. The terminology used by and for individuals along the gender spectrum is specific, and preferred usage can vary from individual to individual. Consider the acronym LGBT, which stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender. It’s used all the time in phrases like “LGBT community” and “LGBT rights.” Yet, some people and groups include a “Q” in the acronym to stand for questioning, while others include an “I” to stand for intersex. The language is adaptable and it is always evolving."

Since it is incredibly complex for "us" I can only imagine how confusing it is for "them."

Thanks for checking in Megan (on my email) and Chris for his work on the blog. Follow the link for an in depth look. 

Perhaps of all the terminology, "evolving" is the most profound.

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

"Ker Plunk!" another Sunday edition of Cyrsti's Condo has just hit your virtual front porch! Let's get started.

Page 1.- The Week That Was- or Wasn't.  My "Merging" post elicited several thoughtful comments, from regulars such as Pat, Alexis Michelle and Mandy. Among other things, several coming out experiences were shared and I urge you to back track on the blog to take a look if you haven't.  My take on it was (or is)  I still have too much baggage I carry with me when I'm dealing with generics.  Often my assumption is, right or wrong, they know I'm a transgender woman-or even care.

Another fun, thought provoking post was called "The Pill" and was based on a question of- if you had access to pills which would erase all maleness or femaleness forever in you, would you take it?

Amanda commented:  It was so many years from the moment I put on my first dress with my sister, That thought that I was a girl has never changed ,,I am Amanda ,being a libra ..most likely the white pill ,but would love to have tried the pink ..lol Love

Thanks Amanda!


Page 2.- Same Sex Marriage.  More than likely by now, you have heard of the latest circuit court of appeals decision which upholds the ban on same sex marriages in certain states (including Ohio where I live.) What the decision essentially does is make sure the issue makes it to the "Supreme Court" for a "final" nationwide ruling.

In the meantime, I was able to use the news for a little "discussion"  leverage with a couple of my lesbian friends.  One of which was giving me grief about transgender service member equal rights. I was talking about how incredibly wrong it is to legislate who should marry whom. Somehow, the conversation shifted to how I didn't have to "worry" about it anyway like the transgender Russian Bride (blond) above.  Either of us can still pull out our "male" birth card and dodge the system.  

Of course I said you (my friend) are presuming I still want to use that male card but are forced to and what does that have to do with me supporting same sex marriage?  Forget about the loosely tied together TGLBQ groups, isn't it the right thing to do? Just like extending rights to transgender military members who fight on the front lines for all of our rights?

About that time, the other two members of our party (one trans woman-another lesbian) were expecting the fur to fly but we moved on to important? topics such as motorcycles and football and all was good. 

Page 3.- Veteran's Day and the Radio.  Out of the clear blue sky, my name went bouncing through the equality group in Ohio and Indiana working for same sex marriage laws and Bingo! Yes I am a transgender vet and yes I would speak about it on a local radio show.  I did a phone in interview a couple days ago and since you all know I am not real shy about discussing issues-if they were able to use any of my interview it would be on today.  I will let you know!

Page 4.- The Back Page.  I hope you all had a good week last week and I am sending out vibes for another good one for you this week!  Thanks for stopping by "the Condo".

Organizin'

Last night I was fortunate in that I happened to be around my hometown and not Cincinnati and at the last minute my transgender friend told me of a meeting we should go to.

I live in one of the 23 or so Springfield's in the United States and not a place anyone is going to mistake for a hotbed of liberal activity.  That's OK if you are talking about fiscal politics, not the social right wingers who of course base much of their anti TGLBQ beliefs squarely from the Bible.

The meeting last night was organized by Equality Ohio, who among other things is fighting for same sex marriage in Ohio (which we all know is just a legal battle away from happening) and a vastly more important anti-discrimination bill which is working it's way through the Ohio legislature again.  Predictably, it always makes it through the senate and is shot down in the house of representatives and like in other places, it's a Democrat versus Republican issue.  Unfortunately now, the Tea Party is beginning to rear it's ugly head here too.

I'm not going to get real political here but will simply say, personally I believe in the Tea Party's professed financial agenda but why in the hell did they feel the need to jump into a social agenda too?  Locally there is written proof of a letter to the NAACP pushing the idea of TGLBQ rights possibly infringing on any of the future rights of the black population.  Really?  The scary thing locally is our long time state house Republican Representative ally is stepping down and a very virulent Tea Party candidate is running for his seat.  They are like roaches in your tea-very hard to get out if they get in.  This guy has already said he refuses to hire any GLBT employees or deal with any outside contractors who do.

Predictably, the meeting was sparsely attended and I don't make a value judgement on that either-I know many just can't when their jobs and livelihoods are at stake-and they are around here.  I just happen to be at a juncture of my life where it is harder for the bigots to get after me.  The group last night was diverse though, attended by two trans women, several gay men, an equal amount of lesbians and ally's.  Plus, it was held in a church and the pastor attended.

What happened?  We were given actual paper work, forms and phone numbers to contact our politicians. I'm the first to admit, I'm pretty jaded from a life of abuses from this country's political system - which some days I find amazing still works at all.  BUT, when I was given the phone number to a very powerful politico in "Warshington" (local spelling) - Speaker of the House John Boehner, (yes I am in his district) I simply said, "I know you are a busy man but could you take a moment and reflect exactly why basic American freedoms are being withheld from a sizable portion of the population and what if they were your son or daughter?"

I don't want to walk away from this post sounding too negative. On the other hand, if any of us thinks out and out discrimination against our community is not happening should have been there with us last night to hear a few of stories.  Too many of us think our freedoms are being fought for in far off lands by people in uniforms when in reality they are happening here and now.

I've said it before here in Cyrsti's Condo. You don't have to be "out" or a so called activist to make a difference when you vote.  In fact you can stay safely in the closet and do the right thing- vote for TGBLQ rights.

If you follow the links above, they contain contact info.

Cyrsti's Condo " Up! " Power Scope! "

 I dearly love this "power scope" for a couple reasons.  First of all, this weekend (Saturday) my daughter is having a huge get together for my grand daughter and my new androgynous self will be meeting peeps I haven't seen for years and others I have never met.  It will be important to enjoy the moment for the moment and to hell with anyone else.
Then, later in the day, we will be attending a few of the TGLBQ Pride events in Dayton, Ohio.  A few of my friends want to go to a couple gay venues to party, which is cool by me.  Is my scope trying to tell me an "entitled? cis gay guy" is going to push me around and call me a gender slur? (Tra--ny)  Rest assured the slur will be tossed back at him and certainly I would never screw him!

I do look at all the Pride events this year specifically as a time to be proud of being a transgender woman , plus I plan to take advantage of the fun!


Libra-(September 23-October 22): Get crazy happy when you want to. This is a week for indulgence and feeling part of the moment. If you take anything too seriously, especially with relatives, you will just lose it. People are going to try to push you around — don’t take it. Instead, toss it back. Screw people who can’t respect you, as now is when they’ll learn never to underestimate you again.



For your "scope", go here to the theFrisky.

All the Colors of a Weekend Rainbow!

I believe this weekend, I got a little warm up to what I should experience at all the TGLBQ Pride events coming up around me in the next couple of months. Following a week which went quickly but was a "grinder" (for both my partner Liz and I)  we decided to check out a "mixer" of sorts for CrossPort   which is a Cincinnati, Ohio based transgender support group.  Although I am an atrociously poor "mixer" because I have been innately very shy through most of my life, I really wanted to step out of my comfort zone and hopefully meet other transgender women or men.
Did I? No I didn't, and here is my excuse.  First of all, I think there may have been a total of six or seven trans women who filtered through the gay venue we were at between eight and ten and then suddenly left.  Of the group I was only able to make solid eye contact with two or three-who abruptly turned away.  That's it and poof! the group vanished to who knows where and by the time Liz and I began to notice they were gone, we were having such a good time, we didn't notice. So yes I was a social failure yet again and if you read Cyrsti's Condo and you were at Shooter's Bar downtown, I wasn't being a bitch and not trying to say hi!

On the bright side, I did get a chance to wear my hand beaded transgender hair barrette (Liz made it) last night with the "Yin and Yang" center logo-as you see here on the back of my noggin.  If you want one made for you, let me know and I will pass on all the information on costs and timing you need to know! I plan on letting my trans pride flags fly at Pride!

So, other than the trans sisters I did see and I few others in the bar who we thought were transgender, the other colors of the rainbow were represented too.  Shooter's itself was unique to me because it was the first gay venue I had ever been in which went from country line dancing music to a drag show.  Liz and I have a little country in us, so the music was OK but then again maybe not for the other trans girls? Like I said, we became so immersed in the art form of removing jello shots from tiny plastic cups with our tongues, we didn't notice much else except- my favorite game, "spot the genetic woman."  After careful consideration, as the evening progressed (or regressed) we figured there was one other transgender lesbian couple in the bar. ( A trans/genetic couple like we are.)

Liz managed to trash me on the jello show dexterity contest and kept her "boy toy" jello shot person busy as the queens arrived to get ready for the drag show. When show time neared, the place began to thin out as several gay male "bears"  took off. and a few lesbians filtered in.

At the least last night,diversity was very diverse at Shooters.  As were the jello shots!

Mala Mala

On the Cyrsti's Condo big screen, a look at the film  Mala Mala -  a new documentary about trans life in Puerto Rico. Directed by Dan Sickles & Antonio Santini. Produced by Killer Films. It's called a unique exploration of self-discovery and activism, featuring a diverse collection of subjects that include LGBTQ advocates, business owners, sex workers, and a boisterous group of drag performers who call themselves The Doll House. The film  portrays a fight for personal and community acceptance paved with triumphant highs and devastating lows.

A Trans Girl's Guide to Eating Out

My qualifications to write this post go back many years to a 30+ year career in the commercial restaurant business. I have seen trans women in my venues as well (of course) dining in others.

Here you go:

1.- Be nice and talkl.  I'm sure many of you think, Cyrsti, this is common sense.  It is, until I expand on it.  Before I even began to journey out into the world as a woman frequently, the cross dressers/transgender girls who my staff's waited on, drew extra attention to themselves by being too quiet.  I was guilty of it too, during my early ventures.  What happens is, you may be quiet, scared to death and shy-which comes off to the world as you maybe doing something wrong.

2.- Tip well.- Especially, in the current ultra competitive climate, food employees would serve Martians if they minded their own business, were pleasant and tipped well.  As transgender women, we are in an ideal spot to make a great impression because so many people don't make them. An example was,  in the restaurants I ran, the "after church" crowd on Sunday was notoriously difficult to deal with.  Look at it this way, unless you are an extremely passable trans woman, you will be remembered.  Make your impressions good ones and you will be welcome.

3.- Trouble in Paradise.- Just when you are thinking all is well when you are heading out for a nice meal, beware of the predatory 50+ something genetic female.  It used to be we thought teen aged girls were the worst group of humans we could face.  This is the same group all grown up They are still in the same blissful state of transgender ignorance suffered from in their teens and are still our biggest problem. Young girls today either know "one of us", are informed about us, or just don't care.  My latest example of 50 something genetic bigotry was just last Friday night.  As Liz and I were blissfully enjoying our food and company, two women just had to S&S- Stare and Smirk.  Outside of aggravating me, I don't let ignorance ruin my evenings anymore but  women like this can throw more than stupidity at you. Such as:

4.-Rest Room Pass.- It is human nature.  When you eat and drink, you may have to potty and are easy prey for an S&S er out to save the world for morality.  Of course you have a couple alternatives.  Hold it and don't go, just throw your shoulders back and the girls out and head confidently to the restroom or watch where the bigots are heading.

5.- Go Back.- As I said, if you like a place, return and begin to establish yourself as a regular.  As you do, all kinds of good things can happen.  These days, a progressive business embraces diversity which includes the TGLBQ community.  I have never minded being the token transgender person.  If possible, find another person to go with you.  Nothing gives you more credibility.  An example is when Liz and I go out, she is totally oblivious to the possibility I may be facing negative feedback.  Which is fine, I fight my own battles.  Finally, especially with my restaurant background, at all costs I try to respect the owners or management of the venue and be welcomed back.

So there you go kids, I'm sure many of you have welcome hints of your own!  Be sure to pass them along.  Bon Appetite! 

Porno and the Genetic Woman

Quite the title, right?  The reason for it is last night, by sheer osmosis, I found myself in the middle of a porno discussion between my partner and three other of her genetic women acquaintances.

Here lately, I'm becoming better at shutting up and have the conversation come to me.  It's very effective in that most people from without the TGLBQ community don't really know what to think of me and a little mystery doesn't hurt.

After the get together last night we were all sitting around chatting and I was surprised when one of the women mentioned her ex husband and her resultant introduction to porno.  The conversation went to sex acts and then moved on rather quickly.  I am the first to admit, my experience with women has shown me, they are less than the prudes they portray around men. But,  this topic with this group of seemingly middle aged conservative women really got my attention!

I found myself stuck in sort of a time warp in the conversation too. Here I was as a transgender woman still not talking about porno. The same as when I was a guy because mainly,  I never felt the charge my guy friends supposedly got from porno and/or strip clubs. Through work though , I ended up at quite a few clubs and of course I played the game when I was bored to death. I oohed and ahhed at the right time. I thought it best though not to bring any of that up!   So, I just shut up and once again-played the game knowing full well that sooner more than later a woman will ask me about my thoughts.

On this side of the gender fence though, saying less, indeed means more and I do so enjoy the mystery!

All The Letters in the Same Room

As you may recall, I posted here in Cyrsti's Condo about attending a Trans Ohio community organizational meeting.  Several were set up around Ohio. The main idea was to explore the main issues we face as TGLBQ individuals.  Meetings such as this have a tendency to either be used as a platform for some to vent on specific grudges or become extremely boring as a few seem to love to hear themselves talk.

This two hour meeting was neither.  The mediators managed to keep an incredibly diverse group on track. Approximately 14 people attended, two of which (including me) identified as transgender. The remainder were either gay or lesbian and even a person who identified as gender fluid.

As issues were discussed, we transgender women were able to mention primarily the lack of understanding from the rest of the community.  Of course, another main concern was the total lack of cooperation under the entire community umbrella.  In fact, the meeting started with one individual launching a mini rant on another person who wasn't there.  Needless to say, an unfortunate example of the problem.

My personal goal for the meeting was raising the goal of visibility for the transgender community.  I pushed the need for a central "clearing house" within the TransOhio organization.  What I mean is, a spot where a gender studies program, church or any other organization could go to get information or even a speaker.  I know it happens now, in isolated spots but to expand it, I believe you need an easy accessible central place to go for info.  In Ohio at least, one of the more populous states in the union, none exists which is publicized.

Here's an example.  A local small liberal arts very upscale university where I live, does have some sort of gender studies program but the professor I'm acquainted with who is involved knew absolutely nothing about trans people. In fact, he only acknowledged the gays and lesbians in his speeches. Plus, I know larger schools probably have several trans students who have come out but are the major issues of suicide and health care being discussed in  insulated college settings?

As with any meeting, what happens with the discussions in the days and weeks ahead determine success or failure.  We will see.

I Don't Get It

"Although my heritage is not Irish (British/German/Hillbilly), as you all have probably figured out, I am not one to shy away from a big party.  Many others aren't either.  What I don't understand is why bigots try to ruin it.

Fortunately, mayors and sponsors of two cities, New York and Boston are coming out against the madness of keeping TGLBQ groups out of the parades.  In fact, both mayors refused to even be in the parades.

As important as that is,as always money is even a more powerful motivator. In response to the bigotry, major sponsors such as Sam Adams and Guinness Beers are pulling their financial support from the parades as well.  Their reason was simple and to the point. It was the right thing to do. Plus, just maybe, we TGLBQ peeps support their products!

"Wearin' o da green with William Belli"

My hope is St. Patrick  would feel the same way. If you are Irish or "faux" Irish, enjoy the day, responsibly!