Thursday, March 31, 2011

Movie Review?

A scene from ... Dalam Botol, which features a gay male character who regrets having a sex-change procedure. Photograph: Bazuki Muhammad /Reuters
No not a review, just an update on Malaysia's first transgendered film. Of course it is billed as a gay film. The fact one of the lead characters had a sex change is a secondary headline. The producer has a friend who went through the surgery to please his gay boyfriend.
Certainly we have all heard of this before.  Examples graphically point to the difference between the gay and trans cultures".
From the "Guardian" comes this article.
"Boy meets boy. Boy falls in love with boy. Boy has a sex-change procedure in a misguided attempt to please his lover. Boy regrets his decision, moves back to hometown and falls in love with a girl.
Malaysia's film censorship rules require gay and transgendered characters to regret their actions and learn from supposed mistakes, guidelines to which … Dalam Botol had to conform in order to receive screening permission."
This film, of course is not being well received in many sectors of the country. Specifically, the Muslim religious sector.
This ground breaking film will hopefully open many doors in Malaysia for the gay community. Those doors shouldn't be opened at the expense of the transgendered culture.

Behind the Pretty Curtain

"If you can't beat them, join them" and if you are going to join, you need to know the rules".
Learning the rules to earn membership into the "Cis-Woman" world is not an easy process. No matter how feminine you appear, mental mistakes will easily get you rejected. Constantly I attempt to get behind the "pretty curtain" to learn tips women tell women. It is certainly not all that difficult to find any number of places.
I've mentioned to all of you the fascination I have with a couple of sites I subscribe to. (free) One is part of "The Frisky" called "FLBL", "For Ladies., By Ladies." The latest article linked here is about 5 things women keep secret the most. Another site Is "Betty" I fell in love with an article about "what men are attracted to in a woman."  If I'm going to play in their sandbox, I need all the help I can get and then some!
Of course these sites add different female directed features such as fashion, make up and gossip. Once I pull something of importance to me from one of these places, I head to "Fabulous after 40" for tips on how to make it work for me,
As I said a number of times before, if I'm identified as trans..I want to be at my best!

Catching Up!

OMG, I feel like I've been away from all of you for "eon's" (what is that?). In reality I know it hasn't been that long. Just feels that way!
Been kind of distracted with life's stupid problems like work etc. They have a way of being important!
Around my world I have two or three people that I will call personal blogs. We exchange information face to face or on the phone. Their best question is "any new adventures"?
Well (as always) some new adventures did come and go.
For some reason we will blame on the full moon, my two dating sites just lit up like a Christmas tree early this week. I'm experienced enough to know now that men "hit it and quit it" on those sites frequently. This time I encountered one who didn't want to hit it and quit but just couldn't understand my true gender status. There was just not any way there could be any male in me. Message after message proved to me once again how the male  mind tunes out a woman.  He was tuning me out until I finally got the message across to him.  I am not the natural born woman of his dreams and not even the transsexual woman who has completed her "SRS". Haven't heard from him since. The same as most of the others who showed up on my dating doorstep and faded quickly away.  From what I read on the some the women's sites I subscribe too, that's fairly normal for all women. So I'm learning yet another gender lesson.
On the positive side, I'm looking forward to meeting a male friend I have chatted with on occasion and getting some girl talk in Thursday.
It is amusing that more than a couple of my acquaintances are sure I'm living this wild sexual existence with my pick of either gender. I guess if I was having as much fun as some think I have on the "gender frontier" I couldn't walk for a month!
So much for the adventures of the week!
I did make strides recently by speaking (rather than having a stare down) with other women. Can't make friends by being a bitch!
"Aw-right" I feel better now. Catching up with you is always fun! Hope your adventures, big or small are exciting for you!

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

It Happened

By nature, I'm a very competitive person. My athletic history is one of lack of talent made up with desire.
For the first time last night, I let a guy win.
One of my favorite pursuits is playing one of those national trivia games on the TV's in a Pub I go to. There are a couple men and a woman that I will go all out to beat. Love to see my name on top and wonder how the guys feel about getting beat by a trans girl. I'm fairly sure one knows and one doesn't.
Then there is an older guy who always plays and always loses and has the whole affair down to a science. He always dresses nice, drinks the same beer at the same pace every game.  He times the breaks almost perfect when he goes out to smoke a cigarette on the patio. He has it down to a routine...including losing.
I couldn't take it anymore last night. It was early and we were the only two playing. I wasn't staying long and only had time for a couple games or so. Being the ditz I am, I didn't notice we were the only two playing. (I probably wouldn't have played).
Per norm, I won the first two games and was ahead in the third. Something inside of me said "enough is enough". I let him come back and win. A feminine thing to do? I don't know. I know women who want to win every bit as much as I used to. As with every sweeping gender statement or stereotype, there are many exceptions.
I only know I have never done it in my life and wouldn't have considered it as my guy self. At the least it was the nice thing to do. It felt right, the same as living as a woman.
The best part? His smile and goodbye when I left.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

All Dressed up!

And nothing to say! Certainly it's a rare moment when my over active mind slows down and this week is one of them.
What to do? Take the easy way out and bring back one of my posts from last year!
I presented this post in December of last year and it turned out to be one of the most commented on!

I've always believed that very few of us started down the transgendered path with a true goal or outcome in mind.
Many trans girls started with a basic fetish with female clothing. Others may have been initiated by a family member, Halloween party or school play.
 Along the way, the reasons for being transgendered in the first place just seemed to fade away and the reality of being took over.
In my own case, the clothes, makeup and hair became less of a thrill and more of a lifestyle. Not too say I can't still get a real thrill from the right outfit or public reaction. Not unlike the feelings a genetic girl would have.
Two other trans girls I follow have addressed this transition also. "Stana" and "Janie" interestingly enough approach the subject from different angles, but come up with the same answer.  All of the sudden, this female thing started to feel so natural..with all of us.
How does it happen without injecting hormones to change the body or the brain with chemicals? Number one you have to want to and then work to get there.  I said a number of times the majority of males can present female if they try and have the right help. That doesn't mean you are going out and winning your local beauty pageant anytime soon or you can go out and move effortlessly in public. Start somewhere slow.
In my case, I went to closeted meetings and then began to go with certain "girls" to gay clubs. Over the years I worked on my appearance and started to shop for my own clothes.  Finally I'm to the point I am today.
Others say they admire my looks or boldness. That's all good but my persistence is all that should be admired. I can't tell you how many times I've been reduced to tears over the years only to pull on the pantyhose and try again.
Then again maybe you will never get to the point where your transgender fantasy becomes life and that's OK.
The lifestyle is so varied and complex there is plenty of room for you! You just have to work hard to find your spot.

Transgendered Good Question?

Would less transgendered individuals go through surgery in a genderless world? Would simply being transgendered be enough?
If you could simply dress the way you desired every day, what kind of difference would it make?
I believe the "ideal" transgendered world would never exist of course but many would still go through the surgery to correct the body and mind balance.
The question is covered in depth by "Matt Kailey" in his "Transfesto".!
It was of great interest to me as I don't see surgery in my future!

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Transgendered Fashion. Got it?

Transgendered girls normally take a while to find and grow into their own style.
We get a late start in life and usually are part time at first. We need all the help we can get! I have become really obsessed with this as I'm making up for the lost time I spent attempting to discover my style.
Over the year I've mentioned my battles with the mirror.. I've also mentioned the "Fabulous after 40" site as a wonderful information site for us transgendered girls that are "more mature" It's a perfect place to form ideas on your look. All of the sudden you could be the older stylish woman you admire. Not the bland one you don't or the one who seemingly is always dressed ten years older. Where else could you read about the pros and cons of wearing combat boots after 40?
You are never to old to learn the "tricks" of current fashion and how some women thrive and most don't.
Be sure to give it a look and have some fun and don't forget the excitement of your thrift store treasures!
Even if  they aren't combat boots. Been there...done that.

Saturday, March 26, 2011


This is ugly...but I just had to send it along.
It started with  Amanda Hess (Twitter @amandahess) and is titled "DOES GOD WANT WOMEN TO WEAR PANTS? For that exceedingly difficult answer you must go to "True Femininity"
Here's a short excerpt that tells me I'm going straight to hell. She wrote this in response to a question about women and skirts.
As far as Scripture goes, the one most often used in such debates is Deuteronomy 22:5, which says:

 “A woman must not wear men’s clothing, nor a man wear women’s clothing, for the LORD your God detests anyone who does this.”

The main point behind this passage is that there is not to be any confusion between the genders. God created men to be men and women to be women. They are meant to be separate and different. When people are uncomfortable with their own gender, their clothing often starts to betray this fact. This should not be the case among the people of God, however. His people are to embrace the way He created them (gender included) and their clothing choices ought to demonstrate that to the rest of the world. 

After about 30 seconds on her blog the term "Radical Queer" became very realistic to meI guess my disclaimer is more of my views on religion. That is not up for discussion here. What's interesting to me is I really couldn't find her name on the blog. Well, maybe not so surprising as there are many of us out here who want to join her "Blog Roll" The rules:
1.) Your name
2.) Your email address
3.) The url of your blog
4.) The title of your blog
5.) And whether or not you have already added the code (which you should have done!)

In order to be added, you must have the blogroll displayed on your blog in your sidebar. Should the blogroll ever be found to be removed in the future, your blog will be removed from the list. I will also be examining your site to make sure that it complies with the aforementioned requirements.

Think I will be accepted? If she examines my site...probably not.


True or False?


By Daily Mail Reporter

Last updated at 6:17 PM on 25th March 2011

Tom Komrowski looks pretty in pink for his school prom after teachers
agreed he could dress in drag.

The 16-year-old from Rhode Island, USA, donned a blond wig and a
pretty pink dress before heading to his school’s end of year party.

And the former tomboy who used to love frog fishing and Star Wars
looked so convincing as a teenage girl none of his classmates even
recognised him                                                                                                                       
"Hailee and Family"
According to the article, Tom said: ‘I was nervous before I went to the prom but when I got
there a lot of people didn’t even recognise me at first.

‘But when they realised who I was, a lot of them told me how great I
looked, and a lot of the girls even asked me for make-up tips!

‘I danced with one guy, he knew I was a boy, and didn’t have a problem
with it. It was amazing because I used to get bullied a lot.

"It was nice the other kids finally accepted me."  Since he was 14,
Tom has taken to wearing make-up, girls’ skinny jeans, and tight
T-shirts every day."
The story goes on to tell about how "Hailee" (femme name) used to borrow Mom's clothes and how his parents are supportive.
All of this is good and the pictures are a nice backdrop but something just doesn't seem right. Number one, she is attractive but not drop dead gorgeous and you can't tell me someone at the prom wouldn't have thought something.  Just being allowed to go to the prom in your chosen gender is huge and I hope she did!
Number two, my source usually gives all the stories on a topic from everywhere. It would seem there would be a Rhode Island source.  Maybe there is  and I haven't seen it.
At any rate I'm not the "Associated Press" or "Fox News" or even "CBS".  I'll just pass along what I got. If all this is true...she is one lucky teenager!
If you know more let the rest of us know!

Can't Fool Transgender Folk!

From "" in Mobile, Alabama. "A fundraiser for Relay for Life Mobile County South, attracted 11 men willing to dress up in women’s clothing and strut their stuff at American Legion Post No. 250 on March 19. Chairperson Pat Creel said the judges chose Butch (aka “Candy”) Guimond, a “retired sailor” from Fowl River, as the fairest of them all. The winners donated their financial prizes to Relay for Life, bringing the total donation for American Cancer Society to $2,500. “We even got one man to sign up as a contestant for next year,” Creel said."
All right, the guy who signed up for next year has all year to "practice" in front of family and friends! Smart move!
It brings back memories of some of the old "Playboy" cartoons.  A beautiful woman was admiring herself in the mirror.  There was an old guy behind her saying something to the effect of "O.K.Junior, how long are you going to practice for the play!"

Stare Down! At the Transgender Corral!

"The Corall"
In a bathroom. A ladies bathroom of course.
A restroom "pass" is a precious thing to me! In order to keep it, the fewer women I have to meet up with the better.  I always try to sit where I can keep an eye out for whose coming and going to have the least traffic.
Knock on wood, life recently has been pretty good. My "C&C" (comfort and confidence) level is quite possibly is at it's all time high. A restroom incident wouldn't be desirable!
Last night wasn't so much an incident but more of a happening with no real idea of the outcome.
As I entered the "corral" there were two or three younger women hanging out and talking about guys of course and I had to walk between two of them to get to a stall,  They looked at me closely but never really said a word about gender. Which is usually the case with their generation.
They left quickly, leaving the room to myself and another woman. She finished first and I was trying to time my departure from the stall when she was leaving the room. Hearing the paper towels being pulled is my cue. Not fool proof but close.
Last night was different.
As I left the stall, she turned to look at me.  The second or two that we locked eyes seemed like an hour.I normally look away or say hello. Last night I didn't. I just locked eyes with her This time it wasn't my "deer in the headlights" look. It was more like the gunfight at the "O.K. Corral". "Go ahead and draw your weapon lady! Well she did.
She said "they are out of paper towels in here. I wanted to warn you." Really? That's it? I shook off my surprise thanked her and she headed out the door.
Of course my mind wouldn't let it go. She was sitting only couple seats down from me at the bar with a small mixed group. No one even gave me a second look when I came back to my seat.
So once again I wondered what really happened in that second.
She was close to my age and was dressed up and made up which is rare. Our hair color was about the same and I was wearing younger casual clothes.  She could have thought a woman my age needs to cut that hair. My clothes weren't that radical. She was wearing some sort of bright patterned jacket with black slacks. I'm sure we both thought we would not be caught dead in each others clothes.
The only scenario I can think of is my makeup. With the long straight  black hair and olive makeup and if I do my eyes and cheekbones's almost a native american look. Maybe she was a "Cowboys and Indians" fan. Last night was just a throw down night in the bathroom? Or maybe she just thought I was a bitch!

Friday, March 25, 2011

Transgender Stuff!

Transgendered dogs? Yes.
Of the hundreds of dog breeds in the world, experts say only about 18
have ever been reported with sex reversal. But researchers in Spain
this week said they can add a new breed to to the list: the French

According to CEU-Cardenal Herrera University in Valencia, specialists
discovered that a "female" French Bulldog, Tana, actually had the
internal organs of a male during the three-month-old puppy's first
visit to the veterinarian. Alerted by an enlarged clitoris, they
conducted a series of tests and discovered that "she" had cryptorchid
(or undescended) testicles.

From Yale comes a new musical called "Trannequin" follow the link all you Yale alums!

Staying on the east coast, "The Baltimore Sun" reports Director John Waters said his late friend and muse Divine was so obsessed with Elizabeth Taylor that he even wanted to be her.  So much so he dressed as her
 to go on a date with a female.
So who didn't want to be her? At least look like her?

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Religious Frock?

From the "The Telegraph" in the UK.
An English priest who was photographed in hooker drag at a charity
event has resigned from his congregation following what his sister
refers to as a “witch hunt.”

Upon arriving at the “tarts and vicars” event near his church in
Tyneside, England, wearing shiny gold tights, a black dress, and pink
high heels, the Reverend Martin Wray says he was received warmly. But
after a photo of him in the get-up was published in a local newspaper,
parishioners filed complaints about how Rev. Wray was representing the
I don't know. Could it have been the pink heels?

Transgender Places to Visit

The first is an old site. It's a listing of some of the most successful accomplished transgendered women in the world.  "Lynn Conway" puts the site together and it's an excellent source of trans women who do more than look good!
 Truly amazing what these women have accomplished!
Another article comes from "Pride Source Michigan".  "Alex Kracisky" 19, works as an intern at Transgender Michigan as a part her service on the AmeriCorps HIV/AIDS Team Detroit.
She works with on line resources including an online resource called Trans Pages,  an index of Michigan businesses that are trans friendly." That includes places like doctors offices, clothing stores, restaurants, hair stylists. It's incredibly needed because I remember early in my transition I didn't know who to go to or what to do. It was invaluable."
Alex represents a younger generation transwoman's attempt to change the world.
We all can and have benefited by the courage of these women!

Reach Out!

Every once in a while I get a blast of new contact requests on "Yahoo" and "Flicker"
Some I respond to, some I don't and many I don't understand.
I have waded through the "avatars" and now I have more exclamation points than all the elementary school alphabets in Ohio.
I can understand the point of staying safe on the internet and creating layers of exclamation points to conceal your identity...really I can.
I guess what I don't understand is the total silence I normally get from the "point". I'm ready for something exciting!
Ok, in reality I'm looking for anything. "Hey girl, you look amazing!" Or even "Did your Mom dress you funny because you haven't learned anything!"
Maybe I'm being stalked? Will I turn around this weekend and see an exclamation mark following me down the street?
No I won't because the "point" is in the closet. Been there, done it and was fortunate enough to get out.  Even in my deepest and darkest days, I was able to peak out and meet someone.
Good luck all you "points"! I'm rooting for you!

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

How Do You Feel?

When you wake up, Before you get your coffee. You make your way to the bathroom and the mirror.
I'm fond of telling others, it's at this point if something on my body doesn't hurt...then I'm dead.
Recently I ran across another description of my life.  "Gender Fluid" is the descriptor and it really works for me on some mornings. Those are the mornings when I start the day as a man and end as a woman.
The situation is definately not where I want to be right now. On the other hand, my gender status is similar to my joint's  aches and pains.  If I didn't have it...I could be dead!

Monday, March 21, 2011


I don't want to be famous! I didn't set out on this very difficult path to be in the white hot spot light. I'm a bit dramatic, I know!
A couple of nights ago I did find out I have made some sort of social arrival.
At my favorite pub (I'm always boring you with) they hired a new male server. He really tries to speak to me and even introduced himself.
At my advanced age I can't remember my name, let alone anybody else's, 
To be polite,I asked the bartender what his name was.  I quickly added I felt bad because he knew my name and I didn't know his.
Without hesitation she said "every one knows are famous."
There are many ways to interpret that.
I guess famous is nice. The crew and managers are very nice to me and fortunately I present well enough to cause very little extra attention. It's our own little secret.
I work very hard to maintain my "status" and live in fear of a restroom complaint.
One side of me wants to rejoice. To those people I'm a positive transgendered role model.
The questioning side of me wants to ask why? If I presented better, they would have never known (like most of the clientele).
Maybe it is all karma. If a "stealth" life is in my future, I would have to trade in my "famous" existence. Hopefully others can benefit!

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Transgender Flirting?

What happens mentally or chemically when we flirt? Could we or should we even consider flirting?
Oddly, I think if you are a drop dead gorgeous transgendered girl maybe you shouldn't. A sexual surprise to more than a few guys is not pleasant and they retaliate.
Since I'm not in that category and in the more mature age category (lol), why not have a little fun if I can.
My prime example was the married man across the bar I mentioned in a previous post. The "not so sly" eye game we played could be viewed as a form of flirting. Who knows what he really thought? Anything from why is that guy dressed like that to what is she doing all by herself? Most certainly, he was in town and wife wasn't so the mental wheels were turning in his head.
All of this is just another gender category I'm almost completely inexperienced with. Research is always good and this is some of what I found. "Learn to Flirt Like A Pro" from "Your Tango" was a great start. One of many informative ideas was the " flirty dressing style", which in that case was: low-cut jeans and cowboy boots. If you feel really powerful in cowboy boots, you're going to do your best flirting if you feel confident.
My "guy self" experience tells me  that most women are very calculating in most situations and flirting is one of those. I need the tools to "calculate!"  I just don't have the experience (yet) to process it from a girl's perspective.
As I have learned, any knowledge can serve me well when unexpected situations arise! Get to it Girl!

Seeing What Isn't There?

Or is it? We do so much with mirrors in a transgendered life. We mirror a gender we weren't born as but feel at piece with.
All of society is a mirror. We are not unique in that aspect. Growing up in our birth gender, most of us tried hard to to mirror what we thought society and families wanted us to be. The problem was the mirror was distorted.
The image it gave us was different than we felt and even different than we really looked. I've mentioned my confusion and frustration with my mirror several times Here is an example from a post I wrote last summer called "Mirror, Mirror on the Wall".
Please tell me I'm the fairest of them all!
On occasion, the mirror does tell me that. Then again, the mirror has been known to fib!
I have always had a struggle with that mean old mirror.
It told more than a thousand times I was beautiful only to be stared and laughed at in the first public venue I visited.
More than once the mirror said "you are plain and unattractive" and I never had a problem.
Before you want to jump to conclusions concerning the mirror's judgment, let me reassure you I passed through "transgendered puberty" years ago. I don't frequent malls and such in a micro mini and 5" heels.
Luckily, before I tossed the mirror into the trash heap , we called a compromise.
I told the mirror what I wanted to achieve and we have been working together to be successful.
My ideal was to be a 40ish, big and curvy girl. (My age and size made that a reality! lol) 45 and 5'10".
No real surprise with any of this. Society is obsessed with self image and males are obsessed with female image.
As transgendered women we struggle many times to show what is there. Our inner female self. Unless you are fortunate enough to have a sympathetic spouse or friend, you are on your own with the mirror. Not an easy task but there are many alternatives.  You may have transgendered support groups in your area that either have makeover parties or recommend places to go. If you are brave enough, go to a department store makeup counters and find a person who will help not just sell you something. I had a friend who had great success with a "Mary Kay" lady.
The important point here is that you are not fooling the mirror or a person, you are becoming the person you were meant to be. It has taken me literally years to get to this point.
One thing is certain. Society's obsession with looks is not going away anytime soon. Our challenge is to let our self image shine through the best we can!

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Transgender History 101

This article comes from the "South Florida Gay News"
"The fifth annual Tribeca/ESPN Sports Film Festival will include the world premiere of Renée, a documentary exploring the story of Renée Richards, the first transgender tennis player to compete in the women’s US Open. Directed by Eric Drath, Renée is full of rare archival footage and interviews with close friends and family members -- as well as tennis legends Martina Navratilova, John McEnroe and Billie Jean King – and explores the surprising and affecting human story behind one of America’s first transgender people in the public eye."
Living in the fast moving world as we do, I believe it is important  to remember our "transgendered pioneers."
Dr. Richards was certainly one of them.
If you haven't read her first book, it's a great read about her journey...and inexpensive!

I'm Changing. REALLY Changing!

A former neo-Nazi skinhead has had a change of direction - by changing sex, becoming a nurse and joining a left wing party.
Monika Strub, an ex-member of Germany's neo-Nazi NPD party, is running for Baden-Württemberg's state parliament for the Social Democrats.
She said: "I am not trying to hide my past and I never have done, either from the fact that I was a man or the fact that I was a member of the far right scene - but now I am a different person and I have completely broken ties with the NPD. I am a true socialist."
From the "Orange News"!
Hey, what the biggest change? Gender or Politics?

Pink Boys

I am fascinated by the amount of material coming to light concerning non gender conforming kids. I am envious of the fact these "possibly" transgendered kids are provided a path not even imagined in my generation.
On the other hand, I am so happy for them!
I followed a succession of links to get to this quote:
"Playing chauffeur to both kids, I end up picking up Oscar and uncle on a street-corner outside the mall. As I wait at the curb I find myself studying a tall girl with shoulder length hair in a cinched dark navy coat. Then I experience the shock that so many feel on seeing my willowy, twelve year old boy.
The girl is my boy."
This came from "Accepting Dad". This blog is actually a link from the "Sarah Hoffman" blog "On parenting a boy who is different."
A really positive look on a brighter future for transgendered individuals in the future!

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Transgendered Fun?

Had it coming. Do it all the time. Single woman sitting at a bar. A single transgendered woman at that. I'm not that stupid to realize the dynamic has all changed. Single guy at the bar normal-woman target. No problem for me the last couple of years...until this week.
I sat down a couple nights ago in a regular pub I go to.Just wanted to enjoy a night off following a hard weekend of work. Started my usual "girl talk" I value so much with "G" the bartender. Before my beverage had been on the bar for five minutes, here he comes and sits down beside me at a largely unpopulated bar. I looked at "G" and had to decide to stay and fight or run from the look she gave me. She slyly told me this was not his first visit to the pub today and was not necessarily harmful but a load none the less.
I decided to stay and see if I could have a little fun with the guy. He was pretty sure I was out to "pick up" a man or a woman. (as he put it). Which did I prefer if he wasn't getting too personal. I told him he was and wouldn't he really like to know what I preferred to pick up? Case closed. Case opened on problems with spouse. (surprise). After two and half (free) beers I was able to escape his whining when he went to the bathroom. I was gone!
I need to tell you I probably sound like an alcoholic. Here's my disclaimer. My weekend really starts on Monday and winds up on Tuesday. Most of my stories are from those two days. Not in addition to Friday and Saturday. Now, I feel better!
 I stopped one more place to play trivia and listen to classic rock and I thought I was going to go two for two. This man seemed much more reasonable. Dressed well, my age but with a very prominent wedding band. He was playing the "eye" game with me and drinking rather quickly. I felt there was a definite chance he was coming over but he left me to my game and music. I was rejected! Wonderful.
Normally I go with friends on my Tuesday out. Tonight was different, so I went to "two dolla" pint night by myself. Actually went late and got a seat at the bar. Not easy!
Of course (to make my weekend complete) I ended up talking to the guy next to me for two hours. A very pleasant conversation made even more spicy by the fact he mentioned a certain restaurant he opened that I did too! It was a long time ago and of course I made no mention of ever being there.
He was a smoker and took a lot of trips outside to smoke. The law in my part of the world. My favorite "confidante" bar person kept circling out of curiosity. I told her "OMG" he opened the same restaurant with me years ago. I meant it in the sense he could recognize me. Her reaction was essentially was why the problem. What job did I do (as a woman) when it opened. I just need to shut up about ever being a guy! What a idiot I am!
All right, I should be flattered right? You know I am! I guess the new hair is a better look than I ever imagined.
You know I would have to have a problem right? Here it is. What am I going to do about going out to be alone?
Just slap me now!

The Thai Transgender Winner!

The Thai's do it again with the prettiest transgendered women in the world! Check out this transgendered contestant in a talent contest!
Follow this link to see for yourself!
[Photo <> ]

Beautiful from the beginning, but the magic really begins at (1:04).


[Video <> ]

This is a translation of the judges that was offered in YouTube
comments. If anyone can offer corrections, or a better one, please do:

After the performance:

Judge A: You have been deceiving me all along. It's impossible.

Judge B: He's beautiful, isn't he? (Asks the crowd) I was dumbfounded
when you started the second verse.

Judge C: Initially, I was certain that you were a transexual, but
once you began singing, I was fooled to think that you were female.
After you started the male verse, I should have trusted my gut

All judges gave the thumbs up.

Judge C: Continue the deception.

Posted 7:11 PM EST by Andy Towle in Music, News, Thailand, Transgender

Is a female a woman?

Sometime ago I posted an article to "Hub Pages" called "I'm not a crossdresser".
Basically I went into how we all are crossdressers but are not in reality. I know it's complex to me too! In a nutshell some of us do like to just wear women's clothes while others are females mentally.
At any rate, I really touched a nerve of a certain woman who blasted me. That's all good and even fun! She said we were all crossdressers and would never ever be women. She went on to say her husband liked to wear her panties but was "all man".
She must be having problems with that (or just paranoia) because she blasted me again yesterday. We all are crossdressers...blah, blah,blah.
This time I had had enough and said we could never be "female" but we could be women. Sure, sex is between the legs and gender is between the ears but so far a uterus implant is medically impossible.
Maybe she read the story about the former body builder in the UK who now looks likes this:
"Chrisie Edkins " used to weigh 220 pounds when she was a champion weight lifter. Was he all man?
Now, I don't wish any ill will on this women, or her relationship with her husband. Maybe her paranoia is well founded. How many husbands started out (supposedly) just wearing the wife's panties?

Do Not EAT There
This is a very interesting link concerning places to eat as well as spend your money!  
It's called "Buying For Workplace Equality 2011".  For example, Bonefish Grill; Carrabba's Italian Grill; Cheeseburger in Paradise; Fleming's Prime Steakhouse; Outback Steakhouse ranked last in the survey.
Places like McDonald's, Chili's, Fridays and Starbucks landed on top. 
I was really happy to see Friday's on the list at the top as I have always been treated extremely well in the stores around my part of the world.
Take a look!



Sunday, March 13, 2011


Every now and then I like to pull up a post from the dusty old archives.  Since the time it was posted, the blog has gained many more followers and daily visits Thank You!!!
It was titled "Can I Ever Go Home Again?"

If I can quote "Bob Seger's Hollywood Nights" tune-"he knew right then he was too far from home. He was too far from home." Then relate it to losing your male identity, I would. Wait! I just did!
The reason I did quote the song (basically about a beautiful California blond and a Midwestern boy lost in her charms) is that I remember defining moments when I didn't want to go back home to my male self.
I know many of you girls have always known you were just that-a girl. Many of us however, did not have that luxury. I went through the first 30 years or so of my life fighting and giving in to my female urges.
I knew I could never go home happened to me when this Midwestern boy moved to the NYC area.
Within two months, I enjoyed two defining moments that would set my life on a female path.
The first was a trans "mixer" of sorts I attended on Long Island . The real lady at the door wouldn't let me in until I proved I was a guy. "No single real women allowed!"
The second was a Halloween party I attended with a couple friends at work. It just so happened that one of them had two other tall female friends that were dressed as sleazy as me! To this day I remember walking across an intersection in a mini dress and heels WITH 3 other real females. What an evening! The girls insisted I dance with them and even a couple of their boyfriends.
I knew then, I could never go home-even if I did move back to the Midwest.
If I was a betting girl (not) I bet you girls have defining moments too!
I welcome any stories you might have, when you knew you could never go home!

Experiences we have in our culture prove that life is a journey. Not a sprint!

Saturday, March 12, 2011

This is "Paul Cummings". Paul is one of the few entertainers from "Finnochio's" in San Fransisco still alive in his 80's. Follow this link to the story in :Las Vegas Weekly. It's called "Keeping'em guessing." and is a great look at one of female impersoantor legends.
Cummings actually grew his hair out and sang with his own voice.  A native of Southern California, Cummings grew up being told he would grow out of his high soprano voice, but he never did. Instead, he developed into what’s called a “split-voice” singer, with the ability to sing in a lower, traditionally male voice as well as a higher, female-sounding style!

Now I Understand

I not naive. I understand much of the inner force that drives a person to go through the pain and expense of sexual reassignment surgery. Many times, that is only the beginning. Many have facial surgery and more to complete their journey.
If my last week or so are any indication, I have hit that wall in my own way. I am the woman I always wanted to be...except. The angle look of my face.  If you look at me from the side at a certain angle you do see a male face. Much different from the face that gets doors opened and admiring glances. The proof is in the action. I moved through places I would have been laughed out of not long ago without so much of a second look...except the woman who sat next to me when I stopped for an appetizer and drink. She looked from the side and smiled and bit her lip and said something to her boyfriend. Wonder what that was?
I have to decide if I'm satisfied where I'm at now. I know I really want my own breasts.
I written about this road before. Last night it became a little clearer!

Friday, March 11, 2011

Well, It Was Almost True!

One of my favorite bartenders has long straight jet black hair. She is a young beautiful woman. I model my look after her a lot. Dark eyes, olive complexion and burgundy lips.
Ironically, along the way I've been able to convince her my hair is mine.
The story sort of took on a life of it's own about a year ago when I went red. She asked then if I did my own color or had someone do it. No inclination at all of a wig. I simply said I had a friend who helped me who was also a beautician. I do have a friend who gives me ideas but she isn't a beautician.
When I went dark it wasn't much of a stretch to tell her we simply colored it and took some of the curl out since it was about the same length . I knew she would like it because our colors were the same.
When I saw her tonight in my latest hairstyle, I knew she would really like it because it is long and straight and black like hers.  The difference is my hair has what I call a "henna" rinse. In the right light it has just the slightest red tone to it. She immediately commented she wanted to do something similar to hers. She asked what we did to mine and how long did it take to wash out in the shower. The final question was the best "did I get it out of the box?" She meant the hair color box and I thought the wig box.
I didn't hesitate and said yes i did get it out of the box...just not which one!

A Tough Old Broad?

 From the UK "Scotsman".

Burst Baw weekly: transsexual set to chair club

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Published Date: 11 March 2011
Wrexham could soon be the first team in Britain to be headed up by a transsexual, it emerged this week.

Hotelier Stephanie Booth, pictured, appeared on the pitch before Saturday's Blue Square Bet Premier league match against Forest Green Rovers and announced that she was the person that the current owners wanted to head up a bid to put the club into community ownership.

The would-be chairman,63, who was once jailed on porn charges, hopes to save the club from going into administration.

You might remember Stephanie from  her "transformation" biz in the UK. I think I remember a television piece about her years ago.

Let's Chat!

I'm always on the prowl for an interesting person. The true individual who sets themselves out from the group. 
I've mentioned the datng sites I'm on and the connects I run into on Yahoo where I have my main email.
Recently I sent this disclaimer:
Hi ----, Tonight is party nite for me. It's my day to do errands, have some fun shopping and go out. So chatting tonight will be very difficult it would have to be late in the evening! I can't guarantee the condition I will be in! lol
Hey,I'm sorry about your loneliness, no fun...I know!
Chatting with someone new is always such an experience.
I've learned it usually takes this road.
The guy doesn't understand my profile...sometimes I don't either and that's fine.
I'm extremely rare in that area.
We have nothing in common or he won't open up to any of his interests. Why bother?
He is married.
He leaves chats in a hurry when wife comes into room and makes up an excuse.
He is afraid to tell me anything about himself. After all if I'm trans it's possible I could come through the computer and destroy his life.
He flames out! In such a hurry to have such a great time and do this or that and fly me to Paris...for about three days.
So that's where I'm at with all of this!
Please don't find this to be negative. It is just my realistic look at chatting on today's web.
I love fascinating people and have found a few here that I'm proud to call friend.
Being lonely does not rule out being fascinating!
I look forward to chatting soon!

Maybe I can save this and "paste" it in to a chat?

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Another "Heart" Sister?

A friend brought this up to me. The woman on the right is "Ann Wilson" lead singer of the band "Heart",
He pointed out I could be the third sister. Ironically, I have taken most of the wave out of my hair currently and the style really looks like hers!

"Dana International"

According to the BBC Israel's transgender pop diva, Dana International, has been selected to represent the country at this year's Eurovision Song Contest, with a Hebrew-English song titled Ding Dong. The flamboyant singer,  was known as Yaron Cohen before a sex change.


Being called "she" has always been music to my ears.
The music turned really sour the other night because of a couple of cis-women who have actually known me for awhile. One moved across the bar to sit with her husband. The other sat next to me.
We actually enjoyed a very pleasant conversation about her life and family but somewhere along the line I said something she found funny. She then shouted across the bar "He said...." Obviously, I could have slipped to the floor.
The two women were black. Is it OK to refer to them as "Negro" or "Colored"? NO it is not and two wrongs do not make a right.  I said nothing so the two of them weren't as wrong as I was by not to bringing  it up. I am NOT a he, she or an it.
What was proper? I went to the official "GLAAD" site to see what they had to say.
Their answer was a simple one. Use the name of the transgendered person or refer to he or she as the gender they are presenting in.
Simple to say, harder to do as not all people know my name. (The women didn't know the other night)
I felt ashamed that I failed a chance to stand up for myself and all of us that night. I became an instant hypocrite. Not a pleasant feeling!
On a whole different subject:
If you haven't heard of "Kate Bornstein", she went through SRS nearly twenty years ago and has been in the public eye ever sense.
In a recent interview she was asked again (I'm sure) how her parents accepted the gender change. She said her father passed away before the operation and it took awhile for her mother to come to terms with it. Why?
Her mother "was raised in a generation where women were judged by their proximity to men." For a woman whose sense of self worth was based on being Mrs Bornstein, having her husband and father die, and one of
her sons turn into a daughter was difficult.
I quickly wondered how my recent "proximity to men" has affected my self esteem? I definately know that my recent dates with guys have validated my years of trying to be a girl but did it go deeper? It did.
After my first date and I parted ways that night, I went back in for a "night cap". I really needed to think about what the last couple of hours meant. As I reentered, I did have a new assurance in my step. In the strictest of meanings, my proximity to a man did give me more worth as a girl.
I'm not sure the "feminists" of the world would agree but it sure worked for me!

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Is Less Really More?

Last night (Fat Tuesday) it certainly was. I straightened the black curls, cut the makeup back and went out with a friend of mine.
I wore a sweater top that ties off in the middle with a pair of black patterned jeans. No flair, straight leg jeans with a pair of shiny flats.
I can't tell you the look was very exciting but it sure was effective!
The pub we were at is my regular place and by 8 ish it was jam packed with guys around the bar.  My friend and I were close to being the only women there. When I got up to make the long trip to the ladies room I was kind of scared.  I have had some real unpleasant reactions before.
Amazingly, last night was just the opposite. As I stood up and put my purse over my shoulder, it seemed all eyes were on me (they weren't). I stood straight, shoulders back and slowly made my way through the crowd.  The only reaction I got was positive. There were a few admiring glances but for the most part my semi-professional attire was accepted or ignored.
The whole affair was repeated of course as we left. With the same results. I was on "cloud nine"!
I even stopped at the same grocery store on the way home.  No one even gave me the side glance or out and out stare I usually get.
Maybe you can teach an old cougar new tricks!

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Living In A Cave?

Are you just tuning in? Those would be the only reasons you probably haven't heard of "Andrej Pejic"...the very beautiful male model.
Andrej tuned up the heat a little hotter this week when he said he would have a sex change for a "Victoria's Secret" contract. (Follow the story here: )
Can you imagine the PR people at "Victoria's Secret"? What could they gain? Massive publicity. All good? Probably not, even in our own community.
Would you go for it? I would in a second if I was that drop dead gorgeous. I have no idea what a "Victoria's Secret" contract is worth but I'm sure it would easily cover the cost of the surgery. Obviously he doesn't need much of facial feminizing work or even electrolysis.
The only concern is he would look too much like a woman with the curves, he wouldn't be in demand anymore!

Generation Transgendered

Slowly but surely,  parenting "self help" books are emerging. These help books (thank goodness) are centering around raising a transgendered child. "I Am J" by Chris Beam is written by a woman who has years of experience working with transgendered youths and raised a transgendered son.
It's no secret the tremendous guilt experienced by both sides. Parents are tormented by "what did I do wrong?" The kids are just tormented trying to be who their brain tells them to be.
Here is a short excerpt from Beam:
To ease the hurt, Beam suggests recalling your own relationship with
your own parents, and what it was like to become your own person, to
make your own decisions, to become "you." Transgender isn't a child's
"choice." But it's part of them, not their parents. It's yet another
piece of the separation between a parent's identity and their child's.
Stats on how many male to female kids are vague but numbers on female to male youth are even less specific.
Until recently, the number of female to male transgendered individuals was thought to be considerably less. The simplistic idea was that women could dress and act more "mannish" than men. The repression was considerably less or visible. A boy or man would have to go farther to do the opposite resulting in increased activity and visibility.
Just my opinion, but the transgendered boys could be "tom boys", grow up and blend into the lesbian culture...and essentially disappear. The hurt and turmoil they really experienced wasn't as easily exposed.
With books such as Beam's maybe some of that will change!

It Was Just My Imagination

Call it "karma"or whatever, but I was playing one of those trivia games on TV at a pub I was in. One of the questions was about "Eddie Kendricks". Kendricks had a great career with the legendary "Temptations" before moving on to a solo career. :
The place plays a lot of classic rock and about the same time, I'm treated to about 5 tunes in a row by groups such as the "Eagles, Doors and CCR".
As I sat there with my jeans and long hair, I became the long haired girl in the 70's I always wanted to be,
Just for a second "Kendricks"  was right.. I was just my imagination running away with me.
Wow, it certainly felt good!

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Drag Shows a Good Sign?

Maybe the number of drag shows that are popping up around the country in various colleges are a good sign.
The younger gen is showing curiosity about our culture.
Here's a quote from the "Minneapolis City College News" following their drag show.
"Drag shows may appear to be performances hinged on glamor and
theatrics but they open a far deeper discussion about a person’s
identity." This quote came from one of the performers "Esme" who received her PhD in Hispanic Literature and Gender and Performance Studies.  She uses
drag shows as a platform to explore these issues.
During a Q&A session, the performers explained that drag is not just
about portraying the opposite gender.
“Drag is about incarnating the ideas of masculinity and femininity.
Those are ideas, not people,”

On a far different level, I see some of the "womanless beauty pageants" achieving the same purpose. The ones on the younger level do show the audience a person traveling to the other gender. We also know the womanless pageants provide the occasional stage for trans youth in the closet.
The saying is that any publicity is good. Good publicity and conversation is better!

Friday, March 4, 2011

Transgender Pagan Relgion?

I'm always fascinated by the different facets of the transgendered culture.
The transgendered woman is truly in the fabric of society as much as any group as evidenced during the "Lilith ritual" at "pantheacon". Evidently, some transgendered women were turned away leading to responses such as this.
"This struggle has been going since the Women’s Mysteries first appeared. These individuals selfishly never think about the following: if women allow men to be incorporated into Dianic Mysteries,What will women own on their own? Nothing! Again! Transies who attack us only care about themselves.
We women need our own culture, our own resourcing, our own traditions.
You can tell these are men, They don’t care if women loose the Only tradition reclaimed after much research and practice ,the Dianic Tradition. Men simply want in. its their will. How dare us women not let them in and give away the ONLY spiritual home we have!
Men want to worship the Goddess? Why not put in the WORK and create your own trads. The order of ATTIS for example,(dormant since the 4rth century) used to be for trans gendered people, also the castrata, men who castrated themselves to be more like the Goddess.
Why are we the ONLY tradition they want? Go Gardnerian!Go Druid! Go Ecclectic!
Filled with women, and men. They would fit fine.
But if you claim to be one of us, you have to have sometimes in your life a womb, and overies and MOON bleed and not die.
Women are born not made by men on operating tables."

What's she trying to say? lol!

Hiding in Site? Transgendered Girls.

How exactly does a man meet one of us?
Why is it so difficult?
I have an on line friend who enjoyed a wonderful relationship with a "Pre Op TS". She moved and he is left seeking another and having a rough time. I have had several "Yahoo" connects who echo his sentiment.
We all know there are many of us out there. That is where the problem starts. The transgendered woman has to be out for a start. Their closet is very small to start with and often includes a spouse. No more room for you.
What's worse, this can go two directions. Obviously we have the girls who are still in the closet and not available. We also have the women who have gone through all the surgery and are quietly leading "stealth" lives. Take both of these groups off the dating board.
Then, you have the sexual aspect. Sexual attraction could be a bigger problem than the first two together. The vast majority of the transgendered girls I have interacted with over the years had no interest in men. At least said they did. Subtract more girls from the board.
What's a man to do? Certainly, there are many sites who cater to men who want to date transgender. Many of those are nearly pornographic in nature. The others? Yes, you can find quality people on line but it's tough! I have posted on several dating sites as a female. (due to no choice) Then I explain my transgendered status. I assume there may be others like me. That is one idea.
How about local groups? Very difficult. the ones I have been involved with are pretty much closed environments due to closeted individuals.
Truly, the whole process is like finding that "needle in the haystack" and you don't want to get "stuck" when you find it.
I personally feel the pain because I've been looking for a transgendered "sister" to just hang out with. Shop, girl talk etc with absolutely no luck. I've found the most aggressive people seeking transgendered women are other trans girls...sexually!
So what can I say but "Good Luck"! We truly are rare creatures!

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Transistion Pioneer?

The first crossdresser to transisiton?
A couple of days ago, I read  a comment in one of the groups I'm in. The person said she had never met a person who transitioned who was a crossdresser.. I really didn't understand but then again I did.
I know many today are moving towards labeling transsexuals as a medical situation rather than a mental one.  I'm not smart enough to even try to get into that debate. (or want to)
I've always maintained  that all of us are crossdressers. From the guy who wears his wife's panties once a week to a fully changed woman, we are still wearing the clothes of the opposite sex. Having said that, I don't think of myself as a crossdresser. Why? Because I SO much feel like a girl most of the time. Even that can be argued.  How could I ever know what a real girl feels like?
"Virginia Prince" circa 1948.
Who cares, it's all sematics. (and boring at that). Back to trans pioneer women.
We will never no for sure, but "Virginia Prince" could have been the publicized first. She was a trans pioneer who took the full time path without any surgery. She did take hormones and underwent electrolysis however and was one of the few resources for "hetero crossdressers" back in her day.
So, by not going through surgery was Virginia more of a crossdresser
who went through transisiton than Christine Jorgensen?
We will never know how Virginia herself would have approached this. She excluded gays and transsexuals and was a huge proponent of "ladylike" behavior.
Her opinion today would certainly be interesting.
I f she stepped to the podium to accept her pioneer award. She certainly would have been dressed appropriately!

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Another Piece of the Puzzle?

During my recent experiences on a couple dating sites, I have put together another piece of my transgendered puzzle.
Time and time again I get asked "what kind of man are you attracted to?"  Finally I figured it out. A macho man with an active intellect and humor.
Ironically enough, my three dates have all been "macho" big guys.  I thought initially the size and demeanor of the men just made me feel safe and feminine.
Now I feel it somehow goes deeper. Deeper than I imagined.
It took years to develop my own personal style. Now comes the character issues that come with it. 
We all know both genders have interest in our type of girl.  Especially men.
The next frontier is the sexual one, which I will never get into here. However men are men and we all know how they think. (Not a negative)
Maybe sooner more than later, life will give me more answers on my primary self!

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

OMG More Stuff!

War of the worlds erupted in my life last night.
I was sitting in one my favorite spots sipping an adult beverage enjoying my look and feel. You know  the stars were coming together. The deep satisfaction of feeling like a girl was making me all kinds of warm and fuzzy and I was talking girl talk to one of my bartender friends and a woman I had met before.
BAMM! My phone starts to buzz.  Life was good!
Two different cis-women from my guy life trying to see me last night.  One just wanted to sell me something so I blew her off but the other is one of the best friends I have and has been with me through death and financial disaster. I could not blow her off, so I had to go back and see her as my other self. For the record she knows of my trans status but chooses not to approach it. I respect her decision.
On top of that, my work tried to call me back in to close a store last night!  AAAAH!
On the positive side, I'm in a Yahoo group called "Only the Best Girls". The group features a "cover girl of the month and I thought I would pass her on!

Dealing With Trans Rejection

Image from Jakayla Toney on UnSplash. Similar to so many transgender women or trans men, I have dealt with my share of rejections.  My first...