This is a Cyrsti's Condo post from 2012.when I detailed telling a close friend I was transgender:
"Due to need, the Labor Day week in my life (a couple weeks ago) was an extreme reversion to my male self. Of course it was tough mentally and physically.
I also know even mentioning such heresy would lead me to extreme degradation at the hands of the trans nazi's and rad fem's just to name a few.
Were they right? Was I really a gender impostor because I waited so long to transition?
No. I am who I am. As all of you know (in a similar situation) there is and has been considerable soul searching in my life to arrive at this point.
The whole experience proved to me the extreme gender fluidity of my existence.
I don't believe I mentioned last week I also came out to the oldest closest friend still left in my life. She was visiting for the weekend and working with me again.
Unfortunately, timing was at it's best and worst to do it and had to be very confusing to her. Here I was telling her I was taking female hormones and wanted to spend the rest of my life as a woman-in the midst of one of the most masculine throw back weeks of the previous year. I was not a cross dresser, I was transgender and did she know what that meant?
Her reaction was she kind of knew but didn't totally believe it because I was one of the most masculine men she had ever known. She also didn't know how she would react in the future to the new me. Fair enough. Can't ask for anything more. I should mention she lives quite a distance from me now and here I was in my most male mode telling her all of this?
My initial reaction was, why would she even believe it?
So, you are thinking where is the best of this?
The best was telling her to say goodbye. The new me wouldn't be able to handle the heat and the physical part of out project like I used to and this was only the beginning. It was very easy for me at that point to tell her I hoped we would remain the close friends we had always been but the changes were coming. There was nothing she could do about it and I was extremely happy about the process.
Conversation over.
She is four hours away and I am refilling my feminine gender fluids. She is off my "coming out" bucket list and we are still on speaking terms.
Bottom line is I am sooooo happy all of that is over!"
Thursday, November 30, 2017
Chilled
I wish I could write another sweetness and light post here in Cyrsti's Condo, today I can't.
Unfortunately, this morning I caught child molester Roy Moore's act on the national news. I was literally chilled to the bone as this guy proceeds to blame the LGBT community for all the ills of society. Not child molestation.
Then again, I wasn't surprised. After all, Moore is from Alabama and has been more or less supported by our president and is a serious candidate for the U.S. Senate.
Alabama and it's evangelical "Christian" base seems to embrace sell outs of the transgender and LGBT community. Unlike North Carolina, which was really affected by the anti trans backlash, Alabama just doesn't seem to care.
Anytime a perverted clown like Moore has a serious chance to make it to the Senate of the U.S., I am at once ashamed and scared.
You see, a cross dressing post about shaving my legs and slipping on hose and heels would have been so much better.
Unfortunately, this morning I caught child molester Roy Moore's act on the national news. I was literally chilled to the bone as this guy proceeds to blame the LGBT community for all the ills of society. Not child molestation.
Then again, I wasn't surprised. After all, Moore is from Alabama and has been more or less supported by our president and is a serious candidate for the U.S. Senate.
Alabama and it's evangelical "Christian" base seems to embrace sell outs of the transgender and LGBT community. Unlike North Carolina, which was really affected by the anti trans backlash, Alabama just doesn't seem to care.
Anytime a perverted clown like Moore has a serious chance to make it to the Senate of the U.S., I am at once ashamed and scared.
You see, a cross dressing post about shaving my legs and slipping on hose and heels would have been so much better.
Wednesday, November 29, 2017
Another One Bites the Dust
As you may have heard by now, Matt Lauer of NBC's Today Show followed CBS's Charlie Rose out the door for alleged sexual misconduct at work.
You may ask, what does it mean to the average transgender woman? Quite a bit, if you ever have been accosted by a so called "trans admirer." Unfortunately some of the worst admirers may be cross dressed. I know of one who always seemed to be "helping" young pretty transgender girls/women in need. Including a close friend of mine who ended up with an unwanted tongue down her throat during a so called "innocent" kiss.
In fact, over the years several of you Cyrsti's Condo regulars have written in depth about their interactions with often intoxicated cis-men. All of a sudden your validation as a woman becomes a case of very unwanted attention.
From those instances we (as trans women) should learn what cis women understand from an early age. No, simply does not mean no to some men and it is very difficult to gracefully exit the situation.
Depending on how well you transition and where you go, unfortunately you may have to live through this distasteful business.
Be careful and don't become a statistic!
You may ask, what does it mean to the average transgender woman? Quite a bit, if you ever have been accosted by a so called "trans admirer." Unfortunately some of the worst admirers may be cross dressed. I know of one who always seemed to be "helping" young pretty transgender girls/women in need. Including a close friend of mine who ended up with an unwanted tongue down her throat during a so called "innocent" kiss.
In fact, over the years several of you Cyrsti's Condo regulars have written in depth about their interactions with often intoxicated cis-men. All of a sudden your validation as a woman becomes a case of very unwanted attention.
From those instances we (as trans women) should learn what cis women understand from an early age. No, simply does not mean no to some men and it is very difficult to gracefully exit the situation.
Depending on how well you transition and where you go, unfortunately you may have to live through this distasteful business.
Be careful and don't become a statistic!
Transitioning Later in Life
Over the past several days I have received here in Cyrsti's Condo, several comments about accomplishing a MtF gender transition later in life (such as I did). The first comes from Emma:
" I started my transition room roughly five months ago. I’m 61 and, perhaps like you, had always feared the slippery slope. With much help and support I started facing my fears about three years ago, and especially in the last few months as I gradually started dressing in public (now full time), started HRT, and now, just living my life. I no longer see it as a slippery slope. Each step was/is an experiment where I gauge my feelings after allowing them to settle. I will probably change my name legally in the next year but I’m not at all sure if I want or need surgery(s). Time will tell!
But as you wrote, the landing has been good. I’ve never felt better in my life than I do today."
Congratulations Emma! Yay!!
And thanks to Paula and Connie for these comments!::
" I started my transition room roughly five months ago. I’m 61 and, perhaps like you, had always feared the slippery slope. With much help and support I started facing my fears about three years ago, and especially in the last few months as I gradually started dressing in public (now full time), started HRT, and now, just living my life. I no longer see it as a slippery slope. Each step was/is an experiment where I gauge my feelings after allowing them to settle. I will probably change my name legally in the next year but I’m not at all sure if I want or need surgery(s). Time will tell!
But as you wrote, the landing has been good. I’ve never felt better in my life than I do today."
Congratulations Emma! Yay!!
And thanks to Paula and Connie for these comments!::
-
"To "b" or not to "b"; that is the question. It's not really the point, however. I'm not really sure that I believe, totally, that life - and transition - is a journey, but I do know that my transition - and my life - will end at the same time. There are so many things left to REdiscover; I really have not enough time to get to them now. I'm sure as hell gonna try, though."
Tuesday, November 28, 2017
Another Victory
From NBC News:
A federal judge on Monday ruled that the government must allow transgender people to enlist in the military beginning on Jan. 1, 2018.
The order came after the government asked Washington, D.C., District Court Judge Colleen Kollar-Kotelly if it could push back the Jan. 1 enlistment date, which was established under President Barack Obama.
Last month, Kotar-Kelly issued a preliminary injunction that blocked the Trump administration's plans to exclude transgender people from the military. She said the government had offered no solid evidence that showed why the ban was necessary.
“This is an important clarification because it means the military can’t do an end run around the judge’s decision,” said Jennifer Levi, of the GLBTQ Legal Advocates & Defenders, or GLAD, said about Monday's order.
GLAD and The National Center for Lesbian Rights represent the five longtime transgender military service members who sued the government in August, claiming that Trump’s efforts to ban transgender people from military service was unconstitutional and denied them equal rights and due process.
For more, go here.
Transgender Mirrors?
This post comes from 2012 and was a popular look on a mirror's effect on a cross dresser or transgender woman:
"In Cyrsti's Condo, I like to discuss the powerful role of the mirror in the life of a transgender person.
The big problems with mirrors are they are pathological liars. They can only do what you want them to do. As you become lost in the eyes of that bewitching creature looking back at you in the mirror-in mere moments you can become just as lost out and about in an unforgiving public.
Let's call the process trans-physics.
Mirrors and pictures are one dimensional and just happen to make you look better if you take a picture from a mirror.
I have a friend who critiques the most attractive Flickr and YouTube cross dressing pictures and videos he can find. Rightly or wrongly, he uses other objects in the scenes to judge (among other things) the size of the person. Certainly the majority of us born with a taller, thicker body. No problem, we can use any number of photo tools to be one dimensional attractive. Of course, there is nothing wrong with that until you walk out the door.
At that point you have moved into advanced trans physics. You are a three dimensional person - suddenly the good old mirror doesn't mean that much.
At this point, if you aren't scared to death-check yourself to see if you are still alive!
Assuming you are alive, lets work a couple of very real factors into our formula. (Bare with me, I didn't mention I'm a functional illiterate in math!)
Studies show human beings determine things like gender very quickly as they observe others. This is good or bad. Good of course if you are successful in projecting your gender, even if it for a couple seconds. Bad of course if you don't. That's another topic for another day.
The other factor is the blood smell. Humans are predators and are quite capable of picking up the vibe of "something isn't quite right" with that picture. The genetic female of the species is quite good at it. Many times eye contact and a little smile will disarm the situation.
I can write literally pages and pages on this causing your eyes to bleed.
Lets try a formula: Tr+P-B= Pr or Trans person + projection - blood = presentation.
Just remember it's a highly simplified idea from my highly simplified mind but all in all it works.
Finally, let me toss in one more word about those pesky mirrors...they can be a girl's best friend when you are out. A quick check to make sure your hair, makeup or outfit is not off kilter is always a good thing. A good hint is to hold an article of clothing up in front of yourself in a store in a mirror. It's a great time to give yourself a good once over!"
"In Cyrsti's Condo, I like to discuss the powerful role of the mirror in the life of a transgender person.
 |
| Mirror Picture. |
The big problems with mirrors are they are pathological liars. They can only do what you want them to do. As you become lost in the eyes of that bewitching creature looking back at you in the mirror-in mere moments you can become just as lost out and about in an unforgiving public.
Let's call the process trans-physics.
Mirrors and pictures are one dimensional and just happen to make you look better if you take a picture from a mirror.
I have a friend who critiques the most attractive Flickr and YouTube cross dressing pictures and videos he can find. Rightly or wrongly, he uses other objects in the scenes to judge (among other things) the size of the person. Certainly the majority of us born with a taller, thicker body. No problem, we can use any number of photo tools to be one dimensional attractive. Of course, there is nothing wrong with that until you walk out the door.
At that point you have moved into advanced trans physics. You are a three dimensional person - suddenly the good old mirror doesn't mean that much.
At this point, if you aren't scared to death-check yourself to see if you are still alive!
Assuming you are alive, lets work a couple of very real factors into our formula. (Bare with me, I didn't mention I'm a functional illiterate in math!)
Studies show human beings determine things like gender very quickly as they observe others. This is good or bad. Good of course if you are successful in projecting your gender, even if it for a couple seconds. Bad of course if you don't. That's another topic for another day.
The other factor is the blood smell. Humans are predators and are quite capable of picking up the vibe of "something isn't quite right" with that picture. The genetic female of the species is quite good at it. Many times eye contact and a little smile will disarm the situation.
I can write literally pages and pages on this causing your eyes to bleed.
Lets try a formula: Tr+P-B= Pr or Trans person + projection - blood = presentation.
Just remember it's a highly simplified idea from my highly simplified mind but all in all it works.
Finally, let me toss in one more word about those pesky mirrors...they can be a girl's best friend when you are out. A quick check to make sure your hair, makeup or outfit is not off kilter is always a good thing. A good hint is to hold an article of clothing up in front of yourself in a store in a mirror. It's a great time to give yourself a good once over!"
Transgender Actress?
When will we come to the point when there is no such thing as a "transgender" actress? Take actress Hari Nef for example. When will she become just an "actress?"
It's no different in calling Denzel Washington a "Black" actor after all, or Ellen a lesbian comic.
I suppose it's no different for all our new transgender politicians. The fact of the matter is, they won their elections not because they were trans, but because they spoke to the issues.
I know I am biased and impatient, but the time is upon society as a whole to accept us for who we are...human beings.
 |
| Hari Nef |
I suppose it's no different for all our new transgender politicians. The fact of the matter is, they won their elections not because they were trans, but because they spoke to the issues.
I know I am biased and impatient, but the time is upon society as a whole to accept us for who we are...human beings.
Monday, November 27, 2017
It's All Fun and Games Until:
As I go back through the 5200 plus Cyrsti's Condo's archive posts, I normally come across several points to consider.
Perhaps the most important one today was the fact how wonderfully new and exciting the transition from cross dresser to transgender woman was.
So many years later, sometimes I miss the "good old days" when a trip to the mall included seeking out as many mirrors as I could to catch a glimpse of the "beautiful" creature I had become. These days, all mirrors have become more utilitarian.
It's all good though, for the most part, even though I have lost almost all the childlike wonder of this adventure, settling into a new life is amazing in itself. How many other people can say they have had the chance to start over in a new life?
Perhaps the most important one today was the fact how wonderfully new and exciting the transition from cross dresser to transgender woman was.
 |
| Circa 2011 |
It's all good though, for the most part, even though I have lost almost all the childlike wonder of this adventure, settling into a new life is amazing in itself. How many other people can say they have had the chance to start over in a new life?
The Moving Parts of a Trans Woman
This post is actually a Cyrsti's Condo "archive post" from 2013:
Disclaimer! I shop for two things I use to ship my Etsy and Ebay items from a certain leading big box store which I feel has done more to destroy the inner fabric of America than any other. I refer to them as the "Nazi's" and I buy regionally produced cardboard boxes at literally pennies on the dollar and Scotch Tape. I literally can't find what I need anywhere else and even I can't resist the price.
This morning as I went to the shipping section at the Nazi's (Walmart), I had a rare chance to see two women in my town at the same time who made the almost "beautiful" category. First of all, I am and have been a "student" of women. I have said and written many times on how long it took me to figure out why I didn't have a sexual attraction to genetic females per se' but wanted so badly to be one. To have the hair flowing in the breeze, to be able to fill out a tight pair of jeans or shirt without padding.
This morning I mentally stopped to consider the many moving parts a woman has to contend with and how I was checking them down in my mind- and finally how did all of this relate to me a transgender woman on HRT.
Obviously, I don't live in Hollywood or down in Miami where all the very beautiful people are. Actually, I don't fare too badly with the lot of genetic women around here who do nothing for themselves physically. So I don't know if that is good or bad.
Plus a woman's look is like a poker hand. You hold some good cards like breasts, hair or legs but lose the hand in other areas like face or proportion. If you care, naturally you try to build up the positives and bluff the opponent into thinking you have the winning hand.
You know I have heard seemingly 16 zillion times from my genetic women friends "welcome to our world". I know it's all in good fun but sometimes I don't think they realize I'm a "A" student of their world and loving to finally get some on the job training.
A big part of the training is knowing "parts is not parts" when you are talking about a woman. Any sort of skill I can acquire in the big picture furthers the success of my "moving parts".
Disclaimer! I shop for two things I use to ship my Etsy and Ebay items from a certain leading big box store which I feel has done more to destroy the inner fabric of America than any other. I refer to them as the "Nazi's" and I buy regionally produced cardboard boxes at literally pennies on the dollar and Scotch Tape. I literally can't find what I need anywhere else and even I can't resist the price.
This morning as I went to the shipping section at the Nazi's (Walmart), I had a rare chance to see two women in my town at the same time who made the almost "beautiful" category. First of all, I am and have been a "student" of women. I have said and written many times on how long it took me to figure out why I didn't have a sexual attraction to genetic females per se' but wanted so badly to be one. To have the hair flowing in the breeze, to be able to fill out a tight pair of jeans or shirt without padding.
This morning I mentally stopped to consider the many moving parts a woman has to contend with and how I was checking them down in my mind- and finally how did all of this relate to me a transgender woman on HRT.
Obviously, I don't live in Hollywood or down in Miami where all the very beautiful people are. Actually, I don't fare too badly with the lot of genetic women around here who do nothing for themselves physically. So I don't know if that is good or bad.
Plus a woman's look is like a poker hand. You hold some good cards like breasts, hair or legs but lose the hand in other areas like face or proportion. If you care, naturally you try to build up the positives and bluff the opponent into thinking you have the winning hand.
You know I have heard seemingly 16 zillion times from my genetic women friends "welcome to our world". I know it's all in good fun but sometimes I don't think they realize I'm a "A" student of their world and loving to finally get some on the job training.
A big part of the training is knowing "parts is not parts" when you are talking about a woman. Any sort of skill I can acquire in the big picture furthers the success of my "moving parts".
Flattered
Last night quite unexpectedly, I received a call from a close friend of mine. As it turned out, after exchanging pleasantries, he blurted out his brother had came out as transgender to the shock of many in his family.
He simply asked if I would talk to his new sister if she wanted. Of course I said yes and I began to pass along some ideas. For example I asked how much his sister has been physically out in public and what did the majority of the family think. Whatever the case, it does take a certain amount of the people time to process the change and quite frankly, some may never will.
But, first and foremost I told him to tell her to get in contact with any local LGBT resources (if there were any.) From there she could discover any support groups if needed. From there, we went on to talk about the actual act of a MtF gender transition and how most all of us take a quite similar but different path. Plus, one of the more concise definition of a trans coming out was recently passed along to us by Paula, which would have been nice to quote had I read it yet. I still might if she contacts me! Here is the quote:
"Paula GoodwinNovember 27, 2017 at 7:00 AM
He simply asked if I would talk to his new sister if she wanted. Of course I said yes and I began to pass along some ideas. For example I asked how much his sister has been physically out in public and what did the majority of the family think. Whatever the case, it does take a certain amount of the people time to process the change and quite frankly, some may never will.
But, first and foremost I told him to tell her to get in contact with any local LGBT resources (if there were any.) From there she could discover any support groups if needed. From there, we went on to talk about the actual act of a MtF gender transition and how most all of us take a quite similar but different path. Plus, one of the more concise definition of a trans coming out was recently passed along to us by Paula, which would have been nice to quote had I read it yet. I still might if she contacts me! Here is the quote:
"Paula GoodwinNovember 27, 2017 at 7:00 AM
I have often observed that coming out is a process not an event, in a similar way I now coming to believe that Transitioning is a life not a process. I am constantly finding new things about my chosen life, not simply the physical changes but in many ways the mental and social changes are more dramatic.
I am now looking forward to the rest of my life and all the changes expected and unexpected."
I am now looking forward to the rest of my life and all the changes expected and unexpected."
Thanks Paula, I agree once you think you have experienced all the changes, an unexpected one comes along. I equate the process to my very early cross dressing days when I was trying to negotiate a new pair of high heeled pumps in a mall. My new found "gracefulness" became bruised and battered when one of my heels became stuck in a sidewalk crack. Lesson learned, the hard way.
At any rate, I hoped the conversation did my friend some good. I was flattered and humbled he chose me to talk to.
Sunday, November 26, 2017
Transition by Definition?
Several years ago, we ran a post here in Cyrsti's Condo called Beyond Transition. At that time I mentioned I had a few more thoughts to share on the matter. I was curious to see how many (if any) of my ideas had changed over the years:
"Beyond Transition" is a huge idea to be sure. I look at transition as a passage from point "a" to point "b". When I look at the transgender community as a whole, does anyone ever really get to point "b"? My only point of reference is when I'm out with friends and I lose any sense of gender. I simply just am who I am. Have I transitioned, am I done? Am I the same as a transsexual woman who has gone through SRS and lives her life with no fanfare down your street? Could be...or not.
Although I have not had the surgeries the trans woman down the street has had, would her transition qualify as being more complete? Probably not. In essence if either of us is facing taking estrogen till the day we die, we are still transitioning. Perhaps the only defining separation is one of us is determined to talk about our life to hopefully lend some guidance to others - the other not and that's fine too.
On the other hand transitioning does imply a certain series of events. The external move from gender "a" to "b" is very clear. You decide you need to change to live, you begin to socialize yourself in your non birth gender, you decide you want to ingest chemicals into your body to further the process and you go "under the knife" to complete any physical changes you may deem necessary. This black and white process looks very good on paper and especially works well with a male mind but often runs into problems with the mental processes.
In my case, some would assume I already have the problems with my mental processes, so it's been damn difficult on occasion to sort out what is coming from where. An example is years ago on my first visit to a "gender therapist", she asked if I had any problems with my cross dressing. I said no but I did have problems on the effect it was having on my marriage. To make a long expensive story short, the only good result of the visits was that she diagnosed me with a very clear bi-polar disorder.
So I guess MtF transitioning is in the mind of the beholder. The TS woman down the street may be "snug as a bug in the rug" in her stealth life. On the other hand, I don't think I have ever been snug at anything. If the river is calm, bring me a boat to rock to see if I can tip it in my heels. Plus I hope I never lose the wonder of where this life has taken me.
Years ago when Uncle Sam let me go after three glorious years, I was discharged at Ft. Dix in New Jersey where my car was waiting from Germany. I threw my duffel bag in the back seat of my 1973 VW Beetle and headed home to Ohio. The next morning was clear, blue and beautiful when I got onto the Pennsylvania turnpike. Just for a split second at a toll booth on a hill and had a chance to look at the road in the valley ahead. What a rush of freedom it was! I thought I would never have a chance to reclaim that moment again but guess what - I'm close. Never say never.
So I guess my transition will only end when I depart this life and I look back and think how crazy it was that being transgender was so earth shattering. I will get back to you on that!
"Beyond Transition" is a huge idea to be sure. I look at transition as a passage from point "a" to point "b". When I look at the transgender community as a whole, does anyone ever really get to point "b"? My only point of reference is when I'm out with friends and I lose any sense of gender. I simply just am who I am. Have I transitioned, am I done? Am I the same as a transsexual woman who has gone through SRS and lives her life with no fanfare down your street? Could be...or not.
Although I have not had the surgeries the trans woman down the street has had, would her transition qualify as being more complete? Probably not. In essence if either of us is facing taking estrogen till the day we die, we are still transitioning. Perhaps the only defining separation is one of us is determined to talk about our life to hopefully lend some guidance to others - the other not and that's fine too.
On the other hand transitioning does imply a certain series of events. The external move from gender "a" to "b" is very clear. You decide you need to change to live, you begin to socialize yourself in your non birth gender, you decide you want to ingest chemicals into your body to further the process and you go "under the knife" to complete any physical changes you may deem necessary. This black and white process looks very good on paper and especially works well with a male mind but often runs into problems with the mental processes.
In my case, some would assume I already have the problems with my mental processes, so it's been damn difficult on occasion to sort out what is coming from where. An example is years ago on my first visit to a "gender therapist", she asked if I had any problems with my cross dressing. I said no but I did have problems on the effect it was having on my marriage. To make a long expensive story short, the only good result of the visits was that she diagnosed me with a very clear bi-polar disorder.
So I guess MtF transitioning is in the mind of the beholder. The TS woman down the street may be "snug as a bug in the rug" in her stealth life. On the other hand, I don't think I have ever been snug at anything. If the river is calm, bring me a boat to rock to see if I can tip it in my heels. Plus I hope I never lose the wonder of where this life has taken me.
Years ago when Uncle Sam let me go after three glorious years, I was discharged at Ft. Dix in New Jersey where my car was waiting from Germany. I threw my duffel bag in the back seat of my 1973 VW Beetle and headed home to Ohio. The next morning was clear, blue and beautiful when I got onto the Pennsylvania turnpike. Just for a split second at a toll booth on a hill and had a chance to look at the road in the valley ahead. What a rush of freedom it was! I thought I would never have a chance to reclaim that moment again but guess what - I'm close. Never say never.
So I guess my transition will only end when I depart this life and I look back and think how crazy it was that being transgender was so earth shattering. I will get back to you on that!
Transgender Transition's Slippery Slope
I have been going back to 2013 and examining my old posts here in Cyrsti's Condo from the period.
The theme which seems to come through loud and clear, is 2013 was the time I was living an estimated two to three days a week as a cross dresser and thinking seriously of going 24/7. Of course the ramifications were huge.
Back in those days, I had three friends who ended up supporting me and they indirectly pushed me along. I did feel as if I was sliding down a slippery gender slope to a transgender life.
The difference to me from crossing the frontier from cross dresser to transgender woman was simply one of acceptance.
At the time, comments to the blog hinted I was no more than a full time cross dresser, since I had not always considered I was trans. It is a good argument, except when you consider I was easily into my 40's when the transgender term/life was even being explored for the first time. Also I need to point out I was running as fast as I could from the concept in my high heeled shoes.
Leaving my safe male background and all it represented was indeed a scary proposition.
The turning point? No matter how far or fast I was slipping down the slope towards the point of no return, the more natural I felt.
As it turned out, the fear of the fall was far worse than the landing. Little did I know I was headed towards a happiness I felt I would never know.
The theme which seems to come through loud and clear, is 2013 was the time I was living an estimated two to three days a week as a cross dresser and thinking seriously of going 24/7. Of course the ramifications were huge.
Back in those days, I had three friends who ended up supporting me and they indirectly pushed me along. I did feel as if I was sliding down a slippery gender slope to a transgender life.
The difference to me from crossing the frontier from cross dresser to transgender woman was simply one of acceptance.
At the time, comments to the blog hinted I was no more than a full time cross dresser, since I had not always considered I was trans. It is a good argument, except when you consider I was easily into my 40's when the transgender term/life was even being explored for the first time. Also I need to point out I was running as fast as I could from the concept in my high heeled shoes.
Leaving my safe male background and all it represented was indeed a scary proposition.
The turning point? No matter how far or fast I was slipping down the slope towards the point of no return, the more natural I felt.
As it turned out, the fear of the fall was far worse than the landing. Little did I know I was headed towards a happiness I felt I would never know.
Yay or Nay
This archive post goes back a couple of years here in Cyrsti's Condo but it is still relevant for me today:
"Back in the day" when I was cross dressing and beginning to explore the feminine world, I constantly thought would I - could I ever "go full time." Obviously (for any number of reasons) I took my time almost to the point of suicide.
During that period of time a couple things stood out in my mind. One of which was a "documentary" of sorts about a person who was shown picking out a wardrobe ahead of her trip to Thailand for her SRS. Afterwards, the story skipped ahead to a welcome home party of sorts to her home town. I thought at the time, wasn't that all a bit too easy? What did walking around in her new "little black dress" at the party have to do with her reestablishing a new life?
Then, there was the guy who went through sex reassignment surgery, lived as a woman for a few years and wanted no part of it. I remember thinking Wow - shouldn't a person be sure? Would I ever be? What if I went the distance and could never go back.
Well, I have never "gone the distance" as far as SRS was concerned and at the age of 66, I wonder about the health concerns of doing so. As it turned out, I learned the hard way what was between my ears defined me. Not what is between my legs.
I'm no expert but, over the years people have asked me what questions (and answers) which brought me to where I am today. My best advice is very simple. There are two ways NOT to find out if you can OR if you want to live as a trans woman. No matter how much time anybody says you should live a feminine life, that does not mean walking the mall day after day or hanging out in gay venues. It means doing decidedly unfeminine things (which women have to do) like going to an auto parts store-etc.
Plus, recently, Connie and I have have been discussing another level of acceptance in the world-as yourself as a transgender woman. In nearly polar opposites in the country we both became members of "Meet Up" Groups. In doing so, we have discovered total strangers like us for our feminine selves. Not a small deal of course.
So, of course, if one rushes into this gender change thing at any age, it's tough. It just could be tougher the older you get and the extra baggage (not under my eyes!) which comes with age. I can only say, as I MtF transitioned, I knew without a shadow of a doubt I was doing the right thing. I can also understand why many would call me all too timid also!!!"
"Back in the day" when I was cross dressing and beginning to explore the feminine world, I constantly thought would I - could I ever "go full time." Obviously (for any number of reasons) I took my time almost to the point of suicide.
During that period of time a couple things stood out in my mind. One of which was a "documentary" of sorts about a person who was shown picking out a wardrobe ahead of her trip to Thailand for her SRS. Afterwards, the story skipped ahead to a welcome home party of sorts to her home town. I thought at the time, wasn't that all a bit too easy? What did walking around in her new "little black dress" at the party have to do with her reestablishing a new life?
Then, there was the guy who went through sex reassignment surgery, lived as a woman for a few years and wanted no part of it. I remember thinking Wow - shouldn't a person be sure? Would I ever be? What if I went the distance and could never go back.
Well, I have never "gone the distance" as far as SRS was concerned and at the age of 66, I wonder about the health concerns of doing so. As it turned out, I learned the hard way what was between my ears defined me. Not what is between my legs.
I'm no expert but, over the years people have asked me what questions (and answers) which brought me to where I am today. My best advice is very simple. There are two ways NOT to find out if you can OR if you want to live as a trans woman. No matter how much time anybody says you should live a feminine life, that does not mean walking the mall day after day or hanging out in gay venues. It means doing decidedly unfeminine things (which women have to do) like going to an auto parts store-etc.
Plus, recently, Connie and I have have been discussing another level of acceptance in the world-as yourself as a transgender woman. In nearly polar opposites in the country we both became members of "Meet Up" Groups. In doing so, we have discovered total strangers like us for our feminine selves. Not a small deal of course.
So, of course, if one rushes into this gender change thing at any age, it's tough. It just could be tougher the older you get and the extra baggage (not under my eyes!) which comes with age. I can only say, as I MtF transitioned, I knew without a shadow of a doubt I was doing the right thing. I can also understand why many would call me all too timid also!!!"
Saturday, November 25, 2017
It's Time
It's been a week or two since my "trans-dar" has gone off at the regular mega grocery store we shop at.
I have grown accustomed to seeing a highly possible transgender woman spotting. After seeing a few dressed in heels and hose, the most recent trans women (I think) were dressed more to blend. With jeans, tennis shoes and or boots.
I also try now to at least position myself to smile and speak, if I am not off in my own little world (it's a nice place!) I also figure it's a good bet I will run into them again. Seeing as how many times we visit the same store.
It's almost time to start planning too for Liz and I's New Years Eve gala. As I have written before, the evening is extra special because it marks the anniversary of when I began my MtF transgender transition in earnest by starting HRT. Connie, leave "Earnest" out of it! :)
I am thinking of wearing my black, brown and gold ruffled sleeveless top with my black dress gaucho pants. Like any trans woman, I enjoy getting dressed up for an occasion!
Since now we have passed Thanksgiving and Christmas isn't far away, it's almost time for New Years Eve!
I have grown accustomed to seeing a highly possible transgender woman spotting. After seeing a few dressed in heels and hose, the most recent trans women (I think) were dressed more to blend. With jeans, tennis shoes and or boots.
I also try now to at least position myself to smile and speak, if I am not off in my own little world (it's a nice place!) I also figure it's a good bet I will run into them again. Seeing as how many times we visit the same store.
It's almost time to start planning too for Liz and I's New Years Eve gala. As I have written before, the evening is extra special because it marks the anniversary of when I began my MtF transgender transition in earnest by starting HRT. Connie, leave "Earnest" out of it! :)
I am thinking of wearing my black, brown and gold ruffled sleeveless top with my black dress gaucho pants. Like any trans woman, I enjoy getting dressed up for an occasion!
Since now we have passed Thanksgiving and Christmas isn't far away, it's almost time for New Years Eve!
We Go International
One of the amazing things to me about the"world wide web" is how global it is. I suppose I'm not alone in my generation.
Our Cyrsti's Condo post concerning my politics getting me blocked by an irate "trans" woman on FB. My point simply was, I didn't understand how any transgender person can support an administration who does it best to deny the trans community any rights. In fact, doing it's best to take them away. Somehow, questioning her "transness" came into play and we were done.
I also lamented the current highly charged political atmosphere stopping any political "discussions."
It turns out, the case is the same in Australia, from Jeni:
" Jeni SkunkNovember 24, 2017 at 6:12 PM
Our Cyrsti's Condo post concerning my politics getting me blocked by an irate "trans" woman on FB. My point simply was, I didn't understand how any transgender person can support an administration who does it best to deny the trans community any rights. In fact, doing it's best to take them away. Somehow, questioning her "transness" came into play and we were done.
I also lamented the current highly charged political atmosphere stopping any political "discussions."
It turns out, the case is the same in Australia, from Jeni:
" Jeni SkunkNovember 24, 2017 at 6:12 PM
You are most definitely NOT alone in being unable to support an anti-LGBT political leader.
With number 45 though, the situation is far more awkward.
Number 45 is not Religiously rabidly anti-LGBT.
But its follow-up replacements are.
Pence and Ryan.
So the problem is how to keep number 45 in, to keep Pence and Ryan out, whilst minimising the damage actively being caused by number 45.
In their Religious zealotry, Pence and Ryan would trample anti-discrimination into oblivion, and happily turn the USA into a theocratic state.
Short of an absolute dictatorship, the worst of all worlds.
And don't assume that here where I am is much better.
Australian anti-discrimination law, at all levels of Govt, is littered Religious Exemptions applying, so the Religions do not have to comply with anything that goes in opposition to their Beliefs or Faith.
This includes employing women, sacking LGBT, refusing services, ect.
Basically those exemptions form a nicely detailed "How say F__K YOU to the Law, and Actively Discriminate, AND Get Away With It".
And from the U.K. and Paula:
"Paula GoodwinNovember 25, 2017 at 8:33 AM
With number 45 though, the situation is far more awkward.
Number 45 is not Religiously rabidly anti-LGBT.
But its follow-up replacements are.
Pence and Ryan.
So the problem is how to keep number 45 in, to keep Pence and Ryan out, whilst minimising the damage actively being caused by number 45.
In their Religious zealotry, Pence and Ryan would trample anti-discrimination into oblivion, and happily turn the USA into a theocratic state.
Short of an absolute dictatorship, the worst of all worlds.
And don't assume that here where I am is much better.
Australian anti-discrimination law, at all levels of Govt, is littered Religious Exemptions applying, so the Religions do not have to comply with anything that goes in opposition to their Beliefs or Faith.
This includes employing women, sacking LGBT, refusing services, ect.
Basically those exemptions form a nicely detailed "How say F__K YOU to the Law, and Actively Discriminate, AND Get Away With It".
And from the U.K. and Paula:
"Paula GoodwinNovember 25, 2017 at 8:33 AM
To me being called a leftist is a compliment!
I am concerned that over here in the UK we seem to be developing the same problem you have with an ever widening divide in politics. It feels impossible to have a rational political discussion with somebody with a different stand point and remain friends, very sad!"
I am concerned that over here in the UK we seem to be developing the same problem you have with an ever widening divide in politics. It feels impossible to have a rational political discussion with somebody with a different stand point and remain friends, very sad!"
Thanks again Ladies, finally I wanted to point out this person who blocked me was only an acquaintance. I have a dear friend who balances my political views with her own and we manage to coexist!
Cyrsti's Condo "Archive Post"
This post was written in November of 2013 and explains a lot about me as a person:
Recently I butched it up and did some basic rewiring around Cyrsti's Condo. I accomplished what I set out to fix and destroyed my nails in the process of course. Naturally, electrical work is not recommended in Cyrsti's basic nail care book!
As I finally finished and had new sources of light for my dim eyeballs, I began to think of my own wiring. First things first, of course I'm transgender or at the least gender fluid or whatever label you want to attach to me. Then let's not forget about my pesky bi-polar disorder which was actually diagnosed by a therapist I was seeing because of my gender questions. Plus, for a touch of spice, let's throw in my occasional bout with dyslexia. Yes I do start a book or magazine from the back or middle. Doesn't everyone?
Certainly, I will never find out who was responsible for my wiring job. But dammit I want to blame someone! Maybe I could start with Mom taking the late 1940's/ 1950's problem pregnancy meds. Some of which have been mentioned as possible links to transgender issues. I can hear her now, "Would you rather be transgender or not here at all? And by the way we can get rid of that trans trash by plugging you into a wall somewhere."
What good would it do me anyhow? Over a half century later I'm fairly sure I won't see a lawyer commercial on the Jerry Springer show screaming if your Mom took Drug XYZ during her 1949 pregnancy and you are trans, call us now for cash!
Oh yeah, did I mention my attention span is so short I can barely read a book or the only time I am truly relaxed is when I'm asleep?
Damn! If I didn't live with me, I would have me committed!!!!
I can only say after I finally came to terms with all my wiring issues, I came to understand why my life was rarely boring!
Recently I butched it up and did some basic rewiring around Cyrsti's Condo. I accomplished what I set out to fix and destroyed my nails in the process of course. Naturally, electrical work is not recommended in Cyrsti's basic nail care book!
As I finally finished and had new sources of light for my dim eyeballs, I began to think of my own wiring. First things first, of course I'm transgender or at the least gender fluid or whatever label you want to attach to me. Then let's not forget about my pesky bi-polar disorder which was actually diagnosed by a therapist I was seeing because of my gender questions. Plus, for a touch of spice, let's throw in my occasional bout with dyslexia. Yes I do start a book or magazine from the back or middle. Doesn't everyone?
 |
| 2013 |
What good would it do me anyhow? Over a half century later I'm fairly sure I won't see a lawyer commercial on the Jerry Springer show screaming if your Mom took Drug XYZ during her 1949 pregnancy and you are trans, call us now for cash!
Oh yeah, did I mention my attention span is so short I can barely read a book or the only time I am truly relaxed is when I'm asleep?
Damn! If I didn't live with me, I would have me committed!!!!
I can only say after I finally came to terms with all my wiring issues, I came to understand why my life was rarely boring!
Friday, November 24, 2017
Transgender Hypocrite?
This morning I got into a political disagreement on Facebook! Imagine that :).
As you Cyrsti's Condo regulars know, I don't hide my contempt for the current president or his administration. On the other hand though, for the most part, I allow others to express their opinions on my feed except in the rare? occasion I can't help it and come out with some of my cynical replies.
Plus, if the truth be known, some days I just look to get a rise out of whomever.
This morning though, I chided someone for being trans and liking the Cheeto. I feel like I can't support an anti LGBT president...I just can't. Call me a leftist or whatever...I just can't.
Somehow this morning, the conversation proceeded with me pointing that out to the other person. She ended up writing I was questioning her transness. Now, I may have been questioning her rationale (which I just don't understand) and, I know so many don't understand mine.
The end result was she blocked me and I called her a hypocritical bitch.
The sad thing is, I always enjoyed discussing politics and can't anymore plus I could give a rat's arse less about being more or less transgender than another person!
As you Cyrsti's Condo regulars know, I don't hide my contempt for the current president or his administration. On the other hand though, for the most part, I allow others to express their opinions on my feed except in the rare? occasion I can't help it and come out with some of my cynical replies.
Plus, if the truth be known, some days I just look to get a rise out of whomever.
This morning though, I chided someone for being trans and liking the Cheeto. I feel like I can't support an anti LGBT president...I just can't. Call me a leftist or whatever...I just can't.
 |
| Writing the Blog |
The end result was she blocked me and I called her a hypocritical bitch.
The sad thing is, I always enjoyed discussing politics and can't anymore plus I could give a rat's arse less about being more or less transgender than another person!
Transgender Black Friday Shopping
For years I wanted to brave the crowds and go shopping on Black Friday. It seemed like one of the ultimate feminine things to do and I wanted to check it off my cross dressing bucket list.
I just couldn't connect the dots, having my work schedule combining with my deceased wife working at the same time, so I could go out. For years though, I always was able to arrange at least one day to do my special feminine shopping. During the trips, I was able to learn loads about the possibility of going 24/7 as a full fledged transgender woman.
An example was the night I bought a piece of oak furniture for my wife and needed help to load it. The male employees ended up loading the whole item in my SUV as I stood back and watched. It felt so good!
Back to my first actual Black Friday experience: I chose the closest big mall to me and got a reasonable start after I dressed to blend. Once I arrived and battled for a parking spot, I made it into a mall full of mainly women. The estrogen was palpable!
Lesson number one, no one paid a damned bit of attention to me. Everyone was on a mission.
All too soon, my trip was over as I had to get home and get ready for an afternoon shift. I finished the morning with a lot more confidence in my ability to live as a trans woman, and I checked another item off my bucket list.
I just couldn't connect the dots, having my work schedule combining with my deceased wife working at the same time, so I could go out. For years though, I always was able to arrange at least one day to do my special feminine shopping. During the trips, I was able to learn loads about the possibility of going 24/7 as a full fledged transgender woman.
An example was the night I bought a piece of oak furniture for my wife and needed help to load it. The male employees ended up loading the whole item in my SUV as I stood back and watched. It felt so good!
Back to my first actual Black Friday experience: I chose the closest big mall to me and got a reasonable start after I dressed to blend. Once I arrived and battled for a parking spot, I made it into a mall full of mainly women. The estrogen was palpable!
Lesson number one, no one paid a damned bit of attention to me. Everyone was on a mission.
All too soon, my trip was over as I had to get home and get ready for an afternoon shift. I finished the morning with a lot more confidence in my ability to live as a trans woman, and I checked another item off my bucket list.
Thursday, November 23, 2017
Transgender Thanksgiving Day
As I have said/written many times, how grateful I am for the support I receive from my inner family and my daughters family/extended family.
Ironically enough though, I continue to be estranged from my only brother. He essentially picked his red neck in laws over me, so that was his choice and problem.
I also know many sad/tragic stories of those in the trans LGBT community who suffer alone during the holidays. I urge anyone who is to seek out any local LGBT groups which may exist. Often they have holiday get together s.
Often, the groups can extend a wonderful extended family opportunity to those who need it.
One way or another, here is my wish to you to have a great Thanksgiving and thanks for stopping by Cyrsti's Condo.
Ironically enough though, I continue to be estranged from my only brother. He essentially picked his red neck in laws over me, so that was his choice and problem.
I also know many sad/tragic stories of those in the trans LGBT community who suffer alone during the holidays. I urge anyone who is to seek out any local LGBT groups which may exist. Often they have holiday get together s.
Often, the groups can extend a wonderful extended family opportunity to those who need it.
One way or another, here is my wish to you to have a great Thanksgiving and thanks for stopping by Cyrsti's Condo.
Wednesday, November 22, 2017
Transgender Thanksgiving Mail
Received a couple interesting comments to pass along:
- Thickness can be a problem above the neck, too. :-)
The job I got with UPS has me burning more calories than I am taking in. 100 yards is a cakewalk for me these days! Plus, Seattle is very hilly, so I'm up and down lots of stairs. I don't, however, get lots of stares. ;-) I am a driver's helper, which is a grunt job, doing everything but drive the truck - all in an ugly brown uniform. I was assigned to work with a woman driver who is the same height as me (5'9"), and I think we may weigh about the same, as well. This is a far different way of blending in than I had ever considered before! It's OK though, as yesterday I got to be all prettied-up with a group of ladies at a baby shower for my daughter, and I blended right in there, too. I'm so excited, by the way, that I will have a granddaughter soon who will never know me as "Grandpa" first, as it has been for my other four grandchildren.
Lots and lots to be thankful for!!!!! -
Here in the UK we don't do thanksgiving, after all it was for getting away from us that you are being thankful! But I often remind myself how much I have to be thankful for, I live in a modern western liberal democracy, which recognizes my right to exist, offers me the protection of the law, and provides a society that not only accepts, but embraces me.
After TDOR this week this means a lot!" - Thanks to both of you! Congratulations Connie :)
- Of course this week I am also grateful for my super accepting friends, family and medical professionals!
- More tomorrow!
Monday, November 20, 2017
Transgender Thanksgiving Week
Here in the United States at least, we are heading into the official week of Thanksgiving. Liz and I braved the hustle and bustle of our mega grocery store yesterday to do her "Turkey Day" shopping. Per norm, there and at a Walmart we went to, no one paid me any attention. This time of year, people are too wrapped up in themselves anyway to notice the occasional transgender woman.
Plus, as I found out from Paula, my height may not be much of a factor anyhow:
"Paula GoodwinNovember 20, 2017 at 5:08 AM
Plus, as I found out from Paula, my height may not be much of a factor anyhow:
"Paula GoodwinNovember 20, 2017 at 5:08 AM
I used to "go out" with a girl who admitted to being five foot twelve inches tall. Of the three of us who (occasionally) work for my business at 5 10 I am the shortest and both the others are Cis women!"
Thanks Paula (follow her link to her blog) I like the five foot twelve inches!
My problem too, is my thickness. There is nothing I can do about being "big boned" but I walk the distance of a football field (100 yards) at least everyday and I am starting to watch my diet again...so I don't have to watch my mid section instead. I have the opposite problem of most cis-women in that I want the weight to go to my hips. Which it doesn't so much.
Through out the week, I will try to post what I am most thankful for. Today, I would like to thank all of you for stopping into Cyrsti's Condo as much as you do. There is no way I would have ever thought my humble efforts would go this far!
Much more to come :)
Sunday, November 19, 2017
A Great Time to be Transgender?
With "TDOR" upon us (Transgender Day of Remembrance), it's easy to overlook the recent strides the LGBT trans community has made at the polls.
While indeed, it's a dramatic start, TDOR is a sobering reminder of the violence directed at the transgender community. At one of my support meetings, someone called last year's ceremony in the Greater Cincinnati area "dark."
Doesn't it have to be? I suppose too, some would argue the world as a whole is much more violence and we are just a sub portion. I don't buy that because as long as hate crimes are directed at the trans community, we are no different than other minorities. And deserve the same protections, rather than trying to take them away as we are seeing under the current administration.
The bottom line for all of us to remember on TDOR is none of us are safe from the violence. Especially those who have a difficult time "passing" naturally.
So, let TDOR be a reminder to be careful out there.
While indeed, it's a dramatic start, TDOR is a sobering reminder of the violence directed at the transgender community. At one of my support meetings, someone called last year's ceremony in the Greater Cincinnati area "dark."
Doesn't it have to be? I suppose too, some would argue the world as a whole is much more violence and we are just a sub portion. I don't buy that because as long as hate crimes are directed at the trans community, we are no different than other minorities. And deserve the same protections, rather than trying to take them away as we are seeing under the current administration.
The bottom line for all of us to remember on TDOR is none of us are safe from the violence. Especially those who have a difficult time "passing" naturally.
So, let TDOR be a reminder to be careful out there.
Saturday, November 18, 2017
Twin Towers
It is not often I see a cis woman with a clear height advantage over me, but I did this morning during one of Liz's classes I went to.
Of course, the first things I look for are any signs the woman may be of the transgender variety, and I am convinced she wasn't.
I am about five foot ten inches tall, so it's not like I am a seven footer and I suspected this woman was "six-two" or slightly more. She was flat out gorgeous and I did my best to get in line behind her to check out her height and more. I could only hope that someday my hips would fill out like hers and fill out a nice set of stretch jeans. (A girl can dream!)
One nice thing about her being close to me was she took all of any possible attention from me!
***As you may have noticed, I am trying out new blog platforms, so I'm trying to keep posts short until I figure out all the bells and whistles...if there are any!
Of course, the first things I look for are any signs the woman may be of the transgender variety, and I am convinced she wasn't.
I am about five foot ten inches tall, so it's not like I am a seven footer and I suspected this woman was "six-two" or slightly more. She was flat out gorgeous and I did my best to get in line behind her to check out her height and more. I could only hope that someday my hips would fill out like hers and fill out a nice set of stretch jeans. (A girl can dream!)
One nice thing about her being close to me was she took all of any possible attention from me!
***As you may have noticed, I am trying out new blog platforms, so I'm trying to keep posts short until I figure out all the bells and whistles...if there are any!
Friday, November 17, 2017
Wow!
It is not often I can find nothing to write about, even to the point of dredging up one of my 5200 plus old posts. I can often get ideas from other blogs or your comments. Today for some reason, not so much.
I have already written about looking ahead to the holidays and the fact I have another fun filled VA Hospital/Doctor's visit next week. Liz is off all next week and maybe she will take a break from her cleaning/cooking Thanksgiving ritual to go with me. :)
I am thinking about procrastinating a bit longer about putting my ancient old dog down. She (of course) is not getting any better, is blind and has a hard time moving at the age of 18. The whole prospect saddens me so much though, it is hard to do the right thing.
I wish I could write a cheery post about shaved legs and hose, but this blog has always been from the "heart" no pun intended, so I just can't. Plus I don't want to be "Debbie Downer" (I think I went to school with her.) So, I will say the sun is out, I have had my Cheerios and life is good.
There is no way, so many years ago when I started this journey, I would have thought I would end up here. I always thought I could put on my hose and heels and prance in front of a mirror and all would be well. It was for a day or a year until I started to go out in the world cross dressed and found I felt so natural I could not live without being a woman. It was about that time transgender began to be popularized and I began to consider the unthinkable...was I trans?
The rest, as they say was history and here I sit with hair down my back, my own breasts and hips starting to form. Exciting? You bet 'ya' but nothing to write home about everyday.
I guess I did have something to write about.
I have already written about looking ahead to the holidays and the fact I have another fun filled VA Hospital/Doctor's visit next week. Liz is off all next week and maybe she will take a break from her cleaning/cooking Thanksgiving ritual to go with me. :)
I am thinking about procrastinating a bit longer about putting my ancient old dog down. She (of course) is not getting any better, is blind and has a hard time moving at the age of 18. The whole prospect saddens me so much though, it is hard to do the right thing.
I wish I could write a cheery post about shaved legs and hose, but this blog has always been from the "heart" no pun intended, so I just can't. Plus I don't want to be "Debbie Downer" (I think I went to school with her.) So, I will say the sun is out, I have had my Cheerios and life is good.
There is no way, so many years ago when I started this journey, I would have thought I would end up here. I always thought I could put on my hose and heels and prance in front of a mirror and all would be well. It was for a day or a year until I started to go out in the world cross dressed and found I felt so natural I could not live without being a woman. It was about that time transgender began to be popularized and I began to consider the unthinkable...was I trans?
The rest, as they say was history and here I sit with hair down my back, my own breasts and hips starting to form. Exciting? You bet 'ya' but nothing to write home about everyday.
I guess I did have something to write about.
Thursday, November 16, 2017
Back Again!
After a day of rest following my brisk day of activity, this old girl has rested and relaxed. Being retired, it was the perfect day to do so around here with the gray, raining cold weather we experienced all day yesterday.
It also provided me some time to think ahead to where Liz and I are headed soon and what I have to wear.
Interestingly, wardrobe has passed restrooms as the first thing I normally think about when I mentally plan my day. Of course blending is a major importance. This time of year too, I normally have a choice of leggings and/or jeans to wear and plenty of soft sweaters. Plus I still am planning a shopping trip centered around a generous gift card my daughter gave me for my birthday!
Plus, with the holidays upon us, it is time to plan ahead what I am going to wear for Liz and I's annual New Years Eve celebration at our usual Ohio Riverfront venue in downtown Cincinnati. New Years is always an extra special night for me because it marks the anniversary of when I took my first dosage of estrogen (HRT) and started this phase of my transgender woman journey in earnest. It was five years ago,not subtracting the six months I had to stop the process due to health reasons.
During the season too, there are extra LGBT events, planned plus my grand kids high school orchestra concerts to attend.
So, the season will be picking up for me soon with hopefully more great trans experiences to share with all of you here in Cyrsti's Condo!
It also provided me some time to think ahead to where Liz and I are headed soon and what I have to wear.
Interestingly, wardrobe has passed restrooms as the first thing I normally think about when I mentally plan my day. Of course blending is a major importance. This time of year too, I normally have a choice of leggings and/or jeans to wear and plenty of soft sweaters. Plus I still am planning a shopping trip centered around a generous gift card my daughter gave me for my birthday!
Plus, with the holidays upon us, it is time to plan ahead what I am going to wear for Liz and I's annual New Years Eve celebration at our usual Ohio Riverfront venue in downtown Cincinnati. New Years is always an extra special night for me because it marks the anniversary of when I took my first dosage of estrogen (HRT) and started this phase of my transgender woman journey in earnest. It was five years ago,not subtracting the six months I had to stop the process due to health reasons.
During the season too, there are extra LGBT events, planned plus my grand kids high school orchestra concerts to attend.
So, the season will be picking up for me soon with hopefully more great trans experiences to share with all of you here in Cyrsti's Condo!
Wednesday, November 15, 2017
Riding the Storm
Yesterday was one of those long days. I seemingly had something going on every hour on the hour.
First of all I had to make the hour trip to the Dayton/Springfield, Ohio area to take care of two VA appointments and do some much needed lawn work on my property.
I have a tendency to want to dress up a little bit more to go to my VA doctor appointments but simply couldn't with the work I had to do, so I had to let my makeup, hair etc carry the day.
It probably doesn't matter much except with my therapist who will mention my appearance, except to me of course and the confidence looking my best gives me.
Yesterday, outside of accomplishing what I wanted to do at the property, my stop at the VA hospital's coffee shop proved to be the most interesting. It seems, I have reached rock star status with the two women who run the shop on a regular basis. They always know my name and ask where have I been? Not wanting to be a total smart arse, I don't say roaming a hospital is not my fave sort of recreation! So I just said the truth, most of my appointments are built around Mental Health. The reason being is the Veterans Administration (while providing HRT transgender help) still channels all of it through Mental Health with an assist of an endocrinologist.
Without outing myself as transgender or bi-polar, I simply told them I was crazy, which for some reason they were entertained by. I must point out, there were no other patrons in line for all of this fun and games. Most importantly though, both of them didn't miss a beat with my pronoun usage. I was subjected to a liberal dose of "she and her" through the whole duration.
After finally getting my coffee, it was off to trans vet support group meeting time.
Nothing of real note happened there except a discussion of how difficult it was for some LGBT folks around the holidays who have been rejected by their families. In our small group, one transgender woman fits that mold and normally shares Thanksgiving dinner with a local LGBT group.
With that, the day was nearly over except for a "survival of the fittest" drive home through Dayton/Cincinnati rush hour traffic.
I am glad the day is over!
First of all I had to make the hour trip to the Dayton/Springfield, Ohio area to take care of two VA appointments and do some much needed lawn work on my property.
I have a tendency to want to dress up a little bit more to go to my VA doctor appointments but simply couldn't with the work I had to do, so I had to let my makeup, hair etc carry the day.
It probably doesn't matter much except with my therapist who will mention my appearance, except to me of course and the confidence looking my best gives me.
Yesterday, outside of accomplishing what I wanted to do at the property, my stop at the VA hospital's coffee shop proved to be the most interesting. It seems, I have reached rock star status with the two women who run the shop on a regular basis. They always know my name and ask where have I been? Not wanting to be a total smart arse, I don't say roaming a hospital is not my fave sort of recreation! So I just said the truth, most of my appointments are built around Mental Health. The reason being is the Veterans Administration (while providing HRT transgender help) still channels all of it through Mental Health with an assist of an endocrinologist.
Without outing myself as transgender or bi-polar, I simply told them I was crazy, which for some reason they were entertained by. I must point out, there were no other patrons in line for all of this fun and games. Most importantly though, both of them didn't miss a beat with my pronoun usage. I was subjected to a liberal dose of "she and her" through the whole duration.
After finally getting my coffee, it was off to trans vet support group meeting time.
Nothing of real note happened there except a discussion of how difficult it was for some LGBT folks around the holidays who have been rejected by their families. In our small group, one transgender woman fits that mold and normally shares Thanksgiving dinner with a local LGBT group.
With that, the day was nearly over except for a "survival of the fittest" drive home through Dayton/Cincinnati rush hour traffic.
I am glad the day is over!
Monday, November 13, 2017
YAY! UPS!
Connie sent in this comment:
- "Well, I dusted off my old hiking boots and laced them up this morning. Not that I was planning on hiking, mind you. It just so happens that, yesterday, I learned I will soon have a reason to wear them. So, I figured I should get used to them now.
The boots are a requirement for the job I interviewed for yesterday. I hate the look of them, but I'm probably going to hate more the brown uniform I will be issued on Wednesday. No, I'm not joining the US Army, but I will be working for UPS - at least through the holidays. There is nothing glamorous about delivering packages, but this doesn't really bother me at all. I'm confident that my femininity will shine through!
I have to say that the interview was nothing short of amazing. This is but the second corporation that has even granted me an interview (the other was Kroger) from my application and resume. Within the first ten minutes, the young man from HR told me that I was just the kind of person they were looking for, and that he was going to put me through to orientation next week. Really? I'm 66-years-old, partially disabled, and (in case it wasn't apparent) a trans woman. The interview continued for another half-hour, and I asked about possible promotion opportunities. He told me that he felt I was already qualified for some supervisory positions, and that he was willing to recommend me for one right away. Then, he detailed the special program UPS has for advancing women in the company. I told him that I was interested, but I would still like to "start at the bottom," if only to prove to myself that I can do the work (it's going to be a physical test, for sure). One of the male privileges I had in my youth was to play competitive sports. I learned to push myself to the limits, and to enjoy the process. It never made me feel like a real man, but it did feed my ego to know that I could overcome the odds. In fact, I must say that my whole transition has benefited from this attitude. And I know that, in the end, I will still be a woman - a stronger woman. It's not the lacing of the boots, nor is it the lace of my panties, that make me who I am. It's also great to know that somebody else saw who I was and is willing to give me the chance to show it.
Now, this is a great place for my joke: What's the difference between UPS and SRS? With SRS, nobody complains about a lost package! :-)"
Congratulations! :) Always good to hear about employment for a transgender woman friend! (Or just a woman friend!)
What an uplifting letter as in "up-lifting" packages :).
Sunday, November 12, 2017
Such a Week!
It was quite a week for the LGBT community. In all, eight transgender candidates were elected including trans man Phillipe Cunningham in Minneapolis. Plus, in Canada a trans woman was elected mayor of a town.
Also, Frump's ban on transgender troops was shot down in another court.
In the past though, for every step forward we take, seemingly something else comes along to push back on us.
As long as we keep taking giant steps though, the push back gets weaker and weaker.
Perhaps all the news about cis women everywhere being molested has helped push us to the back of t the headlines. Something trans women know all too well.
Supposedly, even
Caitlyn Jenner has finally renounced her support for Frump (the lead molester) as I imagine almost all transgender women will!
Also, Frump's ban on transgender troops was shot down in another court.
In the past though, for every step forward we take, seemingly something else comes along to push back on us.
 |
| Jenner showing off her baby? bump? |
As long as we keep taking giant steps though, the push back gets weaker and weaker.
Perhaps all the news about cis women everywhere being molested has helped push us to the back of t the headlines. Something trans women know all too well.
Supposedly, even
Caitlyn Jenner has finally renounced her support for Frump (the lead molester) as I imagine almost all transgender women will!
Saturday, November 11, 2017
Getting Dressed to Shoes
Liz is a huge fan of the Marla Cilley book, Sink Reflections. One of the chapters I am going to very loosely paraphrase is called "Getting Dressed to Shoes."
In it, the author goes into some detail of how the slightest detail of being a woman can make or break your day and/or demeanor. She says it can be anything from sexy lingerie, a string of pearls all the way to your fave fragrance.
But, she insists your shoes should at the least be something you have to lace up.
I know by now you are thinking, what does all of this have to do with me? I know several transgender women who wouldn't be caught dead without their heels, all the way to those who feel dead in them. I also know closeted trans or cross dressers who don't feel dressed without the feel of silky panties under their very male work clothes.
I found it extremely interesting how this cis-woman author described all of this.
Years ago, Liz asked me what kind of woman would I become (as far as feminine upkeep goes.) As you Cyrsti's Condo regulars know, I am mainly very casual but...if I know I am going out (even for a walk) I need to add some foundation and eye makeup. Plus I have the constant reminder of my hair and breasts to reinforce some inner femininity.
Obviously, it is to each their own, I also know several cis-women who spend quite a bit of time (at least an hour) to insure their hair and makeup is ready for public consumption...as well as trans women.
Indeed transgender or cross dressing variety is the spice of life and don't forget to lace up those shoes!
In it, the author goes into some detail of how the slightest detail of being a woman can make or break your day and/or demeanor. She says it can be anything from sexy lingerie, a string of pearls all the way to your fave fragrance.
But, she insists your shoes should at the least be something you have to lace up.
I know by now you are thinking, what does all of this have to do with me? I know several transgender women who wouldn't be caught dead without their heels, all the way to those who feel dead in them. I also know closeted trans or cross dressers who don't feel dressed without the feel of silky panties under their very male work clothes.
I found it extremely interesting how this cis-woman author described all of this.
Years ago, Liz asked me what kind of woman would I become (as far as feminine upkeep goes.) As you Cyrsti's Condo regulars know, I am mainly very casual but...if I know I am going out (even for a walk) I need to add some foundation and eye makeup. Plus I have the constant reminder of my hair and breasts to reinforce some inner femininity.
Obviously, it is to each their own, I also know several cis-women who spend quite a bit of time (at least an hour) to insure their hair and makeup is ready for public consumption...as well as trans women.
Indeed transgender or cross dressing variety is the spice of life and don't forget to lace up those shoes!
Saluting All Veterans
Being a transgender veteran myself, I would be remiss in not mentioning all transgender veterans. Including current or veteran serving/or served in the Armed Forces of the United States. When you consider the percentages of trans vets, you can not think about all of those who went before us who silently took their secret to the grave.
Plus, these days we (trans people) still find ourselves fighting for our rights to even fight for our country thanks to the current administration. Seemingly, though, those efforts have been derailed in the court system.
Transgender or not, thanks for your sacrifice.
Plus, these days we (trans people) still find ourselves fighting for our rights to even fight for our country thanks to the current administration. Seemingly, though, those efforts have been derailed in the court system.
Transgender or not, thanks for your sacrifice.
Friday, November 10, 2017
Passages
As I continue to put together a possible workshop title for the Trans Ohio Symposium this Spring, I dredge up old memories and wonder why I went down certain paths.
One major one revolved the fact I had the penchant for certain people seeing me both ways, as a man and as a cross dressed woman.
As we all know, time makes for an excellent filter. Good or bad, we have a chance to re-live and wonder about the past.
One word which keeps appearing in my past is validation and my earliest senses of being validated as a cross dressed woman came from Halloween parties. In fact, it took me years to realize when somebody complimented me it was "You look good as a woman...for a man." Somehow I finally realized the difference between reality, pictures and the mirror.
I was missing the key element of feeling comfortable in my own skin which finally led to a confidence I had never known as a transgender woman. Plus the biggest key to it all was the ability for me to grow my own hair. (Yours may be different of course.)
Passages for all of us transgender women are easy to over simplify, which I think leads to the infamous "I'm more trans than you debacle."
One way or another, the journey never seems to totally end, it just gets easier with time...most of the time.
One major one revolved the fact I had the penchant for certain people seeing me both ways, as a man and as a cross dressed woman.
As we all know, time makes for an excellent filter. Good or bad, we have a chance to re-live and wonder about the past.
One word which keeps appearing in my past is validation and my earliest senses of being validated as a cross dressed woman came from Halloween parties. In fact, it took me years to realize when somebody complimented me it was "You look good as a woman...for a man." Somehow I finally realized the difference between reality, pictures and the mirror.
 |
| Summer Picture |
I was missing the key element of feeling comfortable in my own skin which finally led to a confidence I had never known as a transgender woman. Plus the biggest key to it all was the ability for me to grow my own hair. (Yours may be different of course.)
Passages for all of us transgender women are easy to over simplify, which I think leads to the infamous "I'm more trans than you debacle."
One way or another, the journey never seems to totally end, it just gets easier with time...most of the time.
Thursday, November 9, 2017
Who Was That Woman...Part Two
We continue to receive the occasional comment concerning our Cyrsti's Condo past post, called "Who Was that Woman."
Cutting to the chase, I wrote about the brief glimpse I saw of myself in a restroom mirror. Instead of recoiling in horror, I made the quick gender judgement of "woman." (Without thinking)
One comment in particular made me feel so good, because it comes from a cis woman friend I have known for years and used to chill out with occasionally. Aimee wrote:
"I am so happy for you! I think that you could give me some lessons on female self-confidence. And I think THAT is fantastic! "
Little do you know Aimee, I got plenty of lessons from you :).
I am adding a couple more comments which seem to fit:
As Connie always has said, "Your best fashion accessory is a smile!" and as Paula Goodwin said:
Cutting to the chase, I wrote about the brief glimpse I saw of myself in a restroom mirror. Instead of recoiling in horror, I made the quick gender judgement of "woman." (Without thinking)
One comment in particular made me feel so good, because it comes from a cis woman friend I have known for years and used to chill out with occasionally. Aimee wrote:
"I am so happy for you! I think that you could give me some lessons on female self-confidence. And I think THAT is fantastic! "
Little do you know Aimee, I got plenty of lessons from you :).
I am adding a couple more comments which seem to fit:
As Connie always has said, "Your best fashion accessory is a smile!" and as Paula Goodwin said:
I'm a little behind you on the HRT Route ~ well quite a bit actually, but the changes to how I look to others is already quite dramatic, my latest joy is having the confidence in appearance to go out without makeup."
How ironic is it we go to all this trouble to discover less is truly more in the makeup department.
More Victories
As we celebrated the political victories yesterday of Danica Roem in Virginia and Andrea Jenkins in Minneapolis, we neglected to mention four other transgender winning candidates across the country:
Tyler Titus, Erie Pa. School Board
Lisa Middleton, Palm Springs Ca. City Council
Stephe Koontz, Doraville, Ga. City Council
and
Gerri Cannon, NH. School Board
It seems some of these victories had their basis with the help and guidance of the LGBT "Victory Institute" and it's "Victory Fund."
Now comes the hard part for all of these winners, fulfilling the promises they made during the election process.
These days, a very jaded and restless populace is tired of waiting on the screwed up mess upper level politicians have made of our government to be fixed.
As you probably noted from the list, most of these winners are on the very grass root level of government. Where change needs to start!
Tyler Titus, Erie Pa. School Board
Lisa Middleton, Palm Springs Ca. City Council
Stephe Koontz, Doraville, Ga. City Council
and
Gerri Cannon, NH. School Board
It seems some of these victories had their basis with the help and guidance of the LGBT "Victory Institute" and it's "Victory Fund."
Now comes the hard part for all of these winners, fulfilling the promises they made during the election process.
These days, a very jaded and restless populace is tired of waiting on the screwed up mess upper level politicians have made of our government to be fixed.
As you probably noted from the list, most of these winners are on the very grass root level of government. Where change needs to start!
Wednesday, November 8, 2017
The Transgender Glass Ceiling Came Crashing Down!
Last night was a big breakthrough evening for transgender women and trans men everywhere, thanks to several mid term election victories.
Details from the Washington Blade: LAKE RIDGE, Va. —" Danica Roem on Tuesday soundly defeated Virginia state Del. Bob Marshall (R-Prince William County) in a race that garnered national attention.
Details from the Washington Blade: LAKE RIDGE, Va. —" Danica Roem on Tuesday soundly defeated Virginia state Del. Bob Marshall (R-Prince William County) in a race that garnered national attention.
With 100 percent of precincts in the 13th District reporting, Roem defeated Marshall by a 54-45 percent margin.
Roem, a former journalist, will become the first openly transgender person seated in any state legislature in the country once she is sworn into the Virginia House of Delegates in January.
Althea Garrison in 1992 became the first trans person elected to a state legislature in the U.S. when she won a seat in the Massachusetts House of Representatives, but she did not publicly discuss her gender identity during the campaign. Stacie Laughton in 2012 became the first openly trans person elected to a state legislature when she won a seat in the New Hampshire House of Representatives, but she later ended her bid to sit in the chamber after convictions for credit card and identity fraud became public.
Andrea Jenkins, who is a trans woman of color, on Tuesday was elected to the Minneapolis City Council."
Jenkin's (who I have had the pleasure to see speak) Is a very accomplished author, play wright and activst. Jenkins most recently was awarded a Bush Fellowship as well as a Fellowship in the Cultural Community Leadership Institute at Intermedia Arts and was named a fellow in the Many Voices Fellowship at the Playwrights Center, according to the Gay & Lesbian Victory Fund.
What a night! Follow the links for more.
Monday, November 6, 2017
Going All The Way with HRT
Cyrsti's Condo received two comments concerning my Who Was That Woman post:
- Excellent good for you Cyrsti!
-
Most of the things we fear never happen!
I'm a little behind you on the HRT Route ~ well quite a bit actually, but the changes to how I look to others is already quite dramatic, my latest joy is having the confidence in appearance to go out without makeup. - Thanks to both of you ladies for your comments!
- I still don't think most cross dressers contemplating the move to full time transgender status fully realize what it means.
- To start with, the move makes cross dressing up more than something which happens on a special occasion and takes hours. You learn fairly quickly what cis women know all along. You work with what you have and do the best you can with time and financial constraints. I'm not saying going out looking like a slob but there is a middle point of blending in with all the other women you are around.
- A case in point happened to me yesterday at the grocery store when I spotted a large blond woman around the deli. My "trans-dar" went off ever so slightly. She was wearing nice jeans and a bright colored top and as I was looking at her, she turned back and smiled at me. Of course, not wanting to be a bitch, I smiled back, hoping to get another look. Or at least, a honorable mention.
- The point is we were dressed in the appropriate genre of clothing to blend in where we were shopping. Not glamorous but effective.
- There is another point to be made, which gets into the tender areas of one person claiming they are "more trans" than the other. Without being too over-simplistic, here is how it worked for me:
- Very early in my cross dressing experience, the clothes lost their fetishistic buzz but the urge to be a girl didn't. So for those of you who think being transgender is a forever condition...I qualify. If I would have ever been content with just cross dressing up to the max whenever I could, I would have fallen into the crossdresser category. Which there is absolutely nothing wrong with. If I was just into cross dressing, I can't begin to tell you the time, sorrow and effort I would have saved.
- Plus, I can only tell you now, going all the way with HRT was the way for me personally and some will say I am still a transgender impostor because I don't desire to go any farther and subject myself to the pain of SRS.
- The bottom line is (of course) we are all on a gender spectrum (continuum) and when and if we find the proper point for us, we feel at home.
- Here is hoping we all do!
Sunday, November 5, 2017
Who Was That Woman?
Yesterday Liz, her son and I, headed out to a local chain steakhouse to meet her brother to celebrate a couple birthdays. I wore my black jeans, knee high charcoal boots and hip hugging gray leopard speckled form fitting top for the occasion. It was also cold enough for my black leather jacket.
As we were seated , no one paid me any extra attention which was good and we all ordered when her brother arrived. Lunch was good and soon enough it was time to leave. Before we did though, Liz and I had to go to the Ladies Room.
After taking care of business, as I was washing my hands, I caught a quick glimpse of myself in the mirror as I quickly rearranged my hair. Just as quickly I realized I barely recognized the transgender woman looking back at me.
The HRT (hormone replacement therapy) regime seems to be working nicely as I approach four years continually on the program.
Pleased with myself, I stood up straight, threw my shoulders back and made the journey back to our table through a busy restaurant. No one barely paid me any attention.
Even though we were visiting a restaurant in Northern Kentucky, my fears of LGBT or transgender reprisal proved to be groundless.
It was a nice trip home!
As we were seated , no one paid me any extra attention which was good and we all ordered when her brother arrived. Lunch was good and soon enough it was time to leave. Before we did though, Liz and I had to go to the Ladies Room.
After taking care of business, as I was washing my hands, I caught a quick glimpse of myself in the mirror as I quickly rearranged my hair. Just as quickly I realized I barely recognized the transgender woman looking back at me.
The HRT (hormone replacement therapy) regime seems to be working nicely as I approach four years continually on the program.
Pleased with myself, I stood up straight, threw my shoulders back and made the journey back to our table through a busy restaurant. No one barely paid me any attention.
Even though we were visiting a restaurant in Northern Kentucky, my fears of LGBT or transgender reprisal proved to be groundless.
It was a nice trip home!
Saturday, November 4, 2017
Uncle Gloria
I decided to pass along this film which sounds very interesting about a transgender MtF transition later in life:
"Why would a man in his 60’s decide to change into a woman? That’s the question the documentary Uncle Gloria: One Helliuva Ride tries to answer. Set in Florida the movie follows Butch from a tough guy who runs an auto salvage business to a darling who just wants to be free from all that male stuff.
Butch has been married three times and with his first wife he had two children. With his second wife Shirley he stayed married for 21 years. One day Butch said he snapped and decided to divorce Shirley and she took him for all his money and even the pre-paid cemetery plots. Disgusted with it all Butch decides to become Gloria Stein, choosing the name from a combo of Gloria Estefan and Gloria Steinem."
"Why would a man in his 60’s decide to change into a woman? That’s the question the documentary Uncle Gloria: One Helliuva Ride tries to answer. Set in Florida the movie follows Butch from a tough guy who runs an auto salvage business to a darling who just wants to be free from all that male stuff.
Butch has been married three times and with his first wife he had two children. With his second wife Shirley he stayed married for 21 years. One day Butch said he snapped and decided to divorce Shirley and she took him for all his money and even the pre-paid cemetery plots. Disgusted with it all Butch decides to become Gloria Stein, choosing the name from a combo of Gloria Estefan and Gloria Steinem."
Follow the link above for more.
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I am now looking forward to the rest of my life and all the changes expected and unexpected."