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| Photo from Eric Mcclean on Unsplash |
Ironically, our entire internet went down when I was writing this post! I guess it fits it in many ways.
Transgender women and trans men are very used to the
concept of rebooting their lives. It's just another reason I find it so
humorous when someone says we had a choice when setting out to live as our
authentic selves. Of course along the way, our lives our stopped (often
destroyed) and then rebuilt.
I'm assuming you all have had access to a computer at
some point in time or you wouldn't be reading this and would know how sometimes
infuriating ill timed reboots are when you are trying to work. In fact, Liz is
fairly sure her IT department has it in for her and will schedule reboots at
the worst time. Being retired I am lucky and the reboots I have to go through I
know are the necessary evils of life.
It is sad and sometimes even tragic when we have to
choose our paths and have to uproot jobs, friends and family to re-boot and
survive. Take my brother for example, I often wonder how he is doing but can't
find out since we have separated due to me transitioning from male to female.
Plus, during my transition I didn't have many friends to tell since they had
all passed away, including a spouse who had always told me she would accept me
as a cross dresser but would draw the line and reject any idea of me being
transgender. I was also near retirement age so I didn't have to worry about a
job. So compared to many others perhaps I had it easier. I hesitate to say any of us have it easy on our gender journeys.
Similar to having to wait for my internet to return and wonder how I lived with out it, I had to wait to gradually transition. A process I called transitioning within a transition. I had to reboot yet again when I made the conscious choice to begin hormone replacement therapy and move from cross dresser to transgender. I saw the difference in going from wanting to appear as a woman to coming as close as I could to aligning my feminine soul with my exterior body. Once I completed this reboot, seemingly, magically my life came together and I had the opportunity to live full time as a transgender woman.
Even going full time had it's challenges. It is one thing to dress to the nines for the occasional special event as I was doing and another to wake up every morning without any male clothing and figuring out what I was going to wear. Very quickly I went casual on days I knew I was only going to see Liz. Plus casual became the way to go when the pandemic hit. Jeans, tennis shoes and casual tops became the way to go. The only times I was getting out was normally when we went to the grocery store. No problems in going there casual either. No other women were dressed up.
Looking into the future, I see several future reboots in my future. Getting married in October will be one of course. Looking farther I see my paranoiac possible future in a nursing home or other assisted living. By now I have been through so many reboots they almost seem normal.
