Stuck to the Tube?

I guess the correct way to say it these days is "binge watching" a certain television or cable show on whatever media you choose.

All season long, I stayed fairly current with the TLC Network show, Lost in Transition. As with anything else in the transgender community, the show had to deal with many complex situations as it followed the lives of four couples dealing with the husband coming out as trans.

Connie followed up with us here in Cyrsti's Condo on her take on the show:

FABULOUSCONNIEDEEJuly 19, 2018 at 12:55 PM

"I did a mini-binge watch of episodes 7, 8, and 9 a couple of days ago when it was 93 degrees outside and I didn't feel like moving around anyway. I cried a few times, but not for the couples who were breaking up over their respective transitions. Rather, I cried for the acceptance of family and friends for the others; happy tears!

I decided to watch the series based on your blog post, but I was still a little tentative about it. So much of these shows seem so decisive in their edited presentations, and I get so tired of the "reveals" and comparisons of the subjects' presentations between male and female. There was definitely some of that here, but I put up with it in order to see how the wives handled their husbands' transitions. After all, my wife and I just celebrated our 46th anniversary last month, and I'm still in awe of my wife for sticking with me through all of this - even if our relationship has changed significantly as a result of it. I can't say that my transition and relationship fit into any of the experiences these couples demonstrated, but my wife would probably relate to every concern these wives had. I say "would probably" because she has no interest in seeing this show.

The one thing that I liked was that the producers brought out the fact that a transgender person's transition is not hers/his alone, but requires transitioning by everyone else concerned. I have been very mindful of that reality throughout my own transition, and that may be the reason I'm still married. Still, as I have said since day one of our marriage (throughout the many years of my repression and beyond) that my wife deserves most all of the credit for its success. Musicians don't always make the best partners, anyway, but throw in the gender identity thing and........

I found it hard to understand how these trans women could be all-in on the hormones and surgeries before even taking the rudimentary step toward social transition. Whatever happened to the rule of living authentically for a year beforehand? I think it's a wise thing to do, even if it's not a requirement. If you are not able to accept your feminine-self, or can't cope with presenting yourself to the world without a professional makeover, then your chances of being happy with yourself are greatly reduced.

Of course, I think I've been successful with my transition because I've done it the right way! Then, I think again and realize that no two transitions are the same - nor are any two trans women. You won't see my wife and I on this show, if it is extended, however."

Thanks! Congratulations on your Anniversary. :)

Extensions

Looking back at the television show on TLC, "Lost in Transition,"  I think enough time has passed not to have to issue a "spoiler alert."

I think the producers did a fairly decent job of tying up many of the loose ends which occur when long term couples split up from transgender issues...or don't. Two couples on the show were very much on the relationship ropes and two weren't.

What was nice was all of the trans women managed make-overs somehow and appeared presentable. Especially the one from rural Washington State who was going to attempt to move her family to Wisconsin to look for a suitable job.

Of particular interest to me through out the entire series was the couple from California. Not only did the wife have many of the similar ideas of going into a transgender relationship that my deceased wife had, they even shared the same name. The back and forth between the couple continued full force until the end. I think once both of them saw the trans woman after a quality makeover, they knew they could never go back.

It was like another of the transgender women said, "I finally saw my true self in the mirror."

Then, there was the "go to hell" breakup with the couple from Ohio. Which could have been the most truthful of the four.

All in all, I think the producers of the show tried and succeeded in covering quite a bit of complicated ground in a short period of time.

Maybe the show will be "extended" into next season.

Another Look.

Perhaps you may have missed it but along the way here in Cyrsti's Condo, we have been discussing the TLC, television show "Lost in Transition." Also, you may remember, one of the couples live in Washington State and went on their anniversary to Seattle, where blog regular Connie lives. During the episode the transgender woman was made fun of and mis-gendered in a nail salon.  It turns out, Connie specifically knows the area and even the salon:

FABULOUSCONNIEDEEJune 15, 2018 at 2:37 PM

"OK, I finally recorded and watched the third episode - the one you are referring to here. I was really only curious about the couple from my neck of the woods, only to find them visiting the very place that I work five days a week! If you watch them walking around the Seattle waterfront, and down the pier, you can see some of the beautiful hanging flower baskets that I tend to. Had they filmed earlier in the day, I may have been on the show, as well!

I found it of interest that they visited that particular nail salon, as I walk by it a couple of times a day. I have been on the search for a new salon since my old manicurist retired last year, and I was considering trying this salon. Was it a coincidence that I was never getting a good vibe looking into the windows as I walked by? After seeing this episode, I guess I was right in not going in. Being outed by another customer is one thing, but I hate doing business with someone who misgenders me. To be fair, though, I think that the giggles were dubbed in, and did not come from anyone in the salon.

The cynical side of me (OK, the largest part of me) was disturbed by everyone in this show - the transgender women, their spouses, and the rather judgmental looks by the others who had just been informed of the transitions. As I have learned the value of "practice, practice, practice" from athletics and music, I don't understand how one can just decide to do, or be, something, and then expect others to be accepting. Of course, my perfectionist personality was responsible for about fifteen years of delay in my own transition. There may be as many right ways to transition as there are those transitioning, but there are plenty of wrong ways to do it, as well. I think that all of the people in this show would do well to read your blog before going any further. But, then, this show was filmed last year, so that advice is probably too late."

I agree with you on almost all you wrote. In all fairness to the producers of this show, they may have found they had waded into a subject with an immense expanse of material. Plus they are saddled with having to make ratings.

Again and again I would warn anyone about just deciding to announce they are transitioning without doing quite a bit of in depth research. Which, for the most part, does not include watching a television show on the subject.

Thanks for the comment and reference to the blog! 

Lost in Transition

I don't know if you have had a chance to watch (or even like) the transgender based TLC reality show which follows several married couples as the spouse comes out as trans.

The show does have it weaknesses of course but overall does a good job at covering many of the gut wrenching situations we as transgender women go through. Examples include the torment one of the couples goes through as the trans spouse is loudly mis-gendered and mocked in a Seattle nail salon all the way to the joy experienced by another of the spouses the first time she sees herself in a new "sewn on" permanent wig.

Other situations include one person coming out to her wife's neighborhood "girl's night out group", all the way to another of the novice transgender women's reaction to going to a "transition" makeover expert in Los Angeles.  If I had to guess ahead of time, I think this person will be the one out of the group to back out because her wife does not approve and she is doing the transition trip all wrong. I have written it here in Cyrsti's Condo before, a MtF gender transition is tough and may not be for everyone. You may want to experience living a feminine lifestyle a little (or a lot) before you sell your life up the creek to live it.

To give Connie (who lives in Seattle) equal time, there also is a family from Ohio on the show but so far, not much as been shown of her going out in public and living as a new person. On the negative side the person describes in tears her experience of going through a religious conversion therapy session with a priest.

All in all, I continue to find the show interesting enough to watch on a continuing basis. So far it has kept my interest by weaving many of the complex threads we face as transgender women in it.

We will see how it goes in the future.

I provide links to it, if you would like to stream some episodes. Lost in Transition.

Lost in Transition

The "TLC" Network has started it's "Lost in Transition" summer series. The show focuses on several couples going through a Mtf transgender transition. Before we get into my ideas concerning the series, I need to put in a disclaimer about any or all links I share. For example, if you are one of our international readers, I don't know if you can get an episode somewhere on line, or not.

Now, onto the show.

The first thing I noticed was none of the transgender women were a "natural" although "Leslie" was close and the others haven't really emerged yet in the show. Here is another link you can try, which describes the four couples.

One couple really got to me on an extreme personal level. Spoiler alert!

One of the wives (and her best friend) ganged up on one of the transgender women. The wife was struggling mightily with her spouse going through the transition. Her name as well as how she reacted took me back to the issues I experienced with my deceased wife. All of the sudden, I was back to feeling all the dread and confusion I felt during our relationship. My whole equilibrium was thrown off for almost the rest of the day.

My heart also went out to another of the couples who happened to live in a very rural area. The trans woman's spouse was pregnant with their second child. While the wife accepted her trans spouse, it has yet to be seen on the show if they can survive in a small conservative rural community.

My final recommendation on the show is, so far, it is not bad and even balances out accepting and un-accepting spouses. Which is reality in our world.

As I said, I have only seen one episode,so it will be interesting to see how the featured transgender lives play out.