If I was a Boy.

I'm a little slow. I finally got around to listening to the "Beyonce" song "If I was a Boy".
The meaning is actually very simple. She would be a better man from her experiences as a woman.
Could we better women because of our experiences as a man?
We certainly could be!
If we understood that listening was a better solution to a problem than a quick fix.
If we learned that slower and smarter was better than a frontal attack?
If we learned a little from both of these, a man could be a better woman.
Many men never understand the workings of the female gender which leads to ignorance, distrust and sometimes violence.
What a shame. As some of us know who have been fortunate to have lived on both sides of the fence-what better humans we could make!
Her follow up song "If I was a Girl who was a Boy! What fun would that be!

Transgendered parade marshall Candis Cayne marches to her own drummer

Transgendered parade marshall Candis Cayne marches to her own drummer

I Got It!

I've always wondered about a major disconnect in guy self.
As I was working on another chapter of my book several nights ago, I stumbled upon a huge epiphany! (I love that word!)
As we all know, males are very visual critters. Especially when females are involved. Much to the dismay of the female you happened to be with.
As my eyes wondered to the attractive girl who walked within eyesight, I would normally get in trouble with the woman I was with for looking. "Sneak-a-peek" became a fun game. Until I got caught!
As my dual gendered personality became more evident, I wondered where the problem was.
I looked, but not with a sexual intent. Something was wrong!
The answer? My female side was looking at the women... as women do.
How good did the "B" look? What was she wearing? Did she look good in the clothes?
How would I look and WOW where did she get those shoes!
All those years being glared at by girlfriends and spouses! The excuse was so clear!
It's not me looking...it's her!

Shop till you Drop!

Included in the list of my top 5 asked questions is where do you get your clothes?
Followed quickly by- do I do my shopping as a girl? Yes, I do about 90% of the time. As a man, I’m almost as uncomfortable in a ladies clothing store as the next guy.
Question 2 is do I use the changing rooms? Not very much…by choice. I’m a diligent bargain shopper. I know my size and what piece of clothing I’m looking for. If a certain clothing item jumps out at me, I grab it!
Jeans are a different story. If I see a pair I like, I have to try them on. I’m not smart enough to know all the nuances of sizes and I’m fairly sure genetic women have the same problem. Start with a certain size and move downward! (We hope)
I’ve never had a problem asking to use a changing room. After all, I’m a paying customer like the next girl. I’ve never been told there was a problem.
If you are a little shy in this department, here are a couple things to remember.
Number one, you can become a regular in the store quickly. Some clerks do work on a commission and it is not difficult to establish a relationship with one who WANTS to help you! She can benefit from a monetary or personal point. Obviously you are a different shopper from the norm so be more fun! It gives the clerk a chance to work her "magic" with you!
Once the bond has been established, both of you can be more discreet in areas such as the dressing room. If you desire.
Number two; observe the interaction between women in these stores. Often the “B” word is too kind! I’ve mentioned this to several of my genetic female friends! Often you treat your same gender really bad! Especially in retail. They agree. Immediately, I’m in for better treatment because I treat the clerks with a friendly respect.
What did we learn girls? It is very easy to shop as a female. Fellow shoppers will be so involved in their search for the perfect outfit they are less likely to notice you at all. Treat the clerks with respect and you can become their personal regular quickly.
Shopping can be one of the easiest and most enjoyable parts of your life as a girl if you allow it to be!
One word of warning. Wear those comfortable shoes if you are planning to “shop till you drop”!

Why Do You Fail?

In your relationships as a transgendered person?
I'm a member of a very active and well populated TG site and a female spouse (very rare to the site) observed  there seemed to be a large group of separated individuals.
Her statement was "she would not leave her spouse just because of an external body change and increased pitch in the voice." Here was my response which was triggered by a dinner I went to last night.
I am widowed. My wife and I had parameters set on my "hobby". She knew of my "pastime" before we got married and stay married for 25 years.
The problem we ran into was the "hobby and pastime" became a lifestyle. The more she gave the more I wanted.
We survived because I loved her dearly.
I believe you see so many TG separations because- number one the initial bond wasn't that strong or the dynamics changed. OR
Let me use the couple I met last night as an example.
They have been together for around 20 years. They had a fight two years ago which led to him burning all his clothes. Now he paints his fingernails red and wears a bra stuffed with socks and goes to Wal Mart. He is not an effeminate or young guy who might pass for an androgynous girl. Call me silly, put I don't see this relationship surviving?
Last night's example is not the norm with couples I have met over the years...but then again I haven't met many couples. (The cis-female view here and in my world is rare.)
The guys I interact with fall into 3 categories. 1.- "The wife" doesn't understand , flat out refuses to participate and the relationship is history. 2.-CD's in remission, they would prefer to live their fantasy through me or others like me...until the wife finds out. She will and he goes back to the closet...pulls out a dress and the relationship is history. 3.- Or ,when husband puts that dress on, he is sexually into guys. Enough said on that. Relationship is history.
In my experience, you are a rare lady! You must have an incredible relationship!
With the great majority of others-the whole process becomes so much more complex than changing the outside of the body and changing the voice.

An Incurable Romantic!

This is a difficult post to share with you, hopefully I can make sense.
Over the past year or so, Ive been so fortunate to explore a life as a transgendered female.  It has been an exciting time with more ups than downs. At no point in my life did I ever believe I could achieve what I have.
BUT! (You knew it was coming!)
I found I still share a certain naivety with  teenage girls. Take my "Flickr" photo account for example. I posted around 10 pix in about 6 or 8 main groups. In response, I got about 1000 hits in a month. I'm obviously flattered. Then the contacts and comments started. Many were very explicit and I wasn't flattered.
Now, I know one of the most persistent rumors about TG women is that we are gay (not the problem) and we share a certain promiscuous sexual lifestyle with that group. (a problem).
I'm slower than the average human and all of this slapped me hard this week.
For about the third time in a row I met up with a person in sort of a blind date situation.  This person was another TG so I envisioned a different evening. She was very interested in pursuing something sexual...quickly.
Which was fine. Just not my agenda.
The bottom line to all of this is...I changed my profile to include "sexually conservative". The last thing I wanted to do in any of this was to lead anyone on.  We all remember what those girls were called.
Maybe I share another trait with the teen girl. I still feel a romantic relationship is possible with EITHER gender.
So far however, the search has been more fun than the catch.

Did I see You On Springer?

Nikki Araguz, the transgender widow of the Texas firefighter could have possibly stepped onto the national stage years ago with a couple appearances on the "Jerry Springer Show?"

There was a Justin/Nikki on the show with a real female girlfriend not real enamored with Nikki's behavior in clubs and a guy not real enamored that he was fooled.
I'm not sure but there is a resemblance.Coincidence?

Want to be in Pictures???

Here is your chance. http://www.tranisa.com/ is in it's early stages of set up.  Tranisa is searching for models to shoot tastefully done features. If you think it's time to be discovered. You may want to visit the site!

Why Not?

Go back to being a guy if I don't want to be a girl 24/7?
Quite by accident I read the most appropriate reason not to on another blog.
Check the link to your right under "CD Janie's Blog".
By permission I'm going to pass along the highlights:
"With all the problems and conflict, both internal and external, you’d think that I’d just want to give the whole thing up and try for happiness the old-fashioned way. After all, I haven’t burned any bridges…
Turns out, I love Janie.
Turns out, some of that love I have always felt for women has always been a desire to feel what they feel!

It is one thing, as a man, to be attracted to women, to enjoy their way, to find them attractive and sexy – and I was, I did – but that was never all of it for me. I didn’t just want to be with someone who had the feminine characteristics I loved, I wanted to have those kinds of feminine traits myself."

WOW! I've never been good enough to explain to those who ask why?
Janie made it so easy!
Thanks

Do Blondes Have More Fun?

Can't answer that but can speculate they get more attention.
During the past week or so, I've done something I thought I would never do...go back to being a blond.
Why? I have been told I present better as a red head and I love the long wavy curls. I also have a dark (almost black) long a wavy look that I do well with too.

About a week ago I posted a few of the blond pics to my Flickr account http://www.flickr.com/search/?q=cyrsti&w=all. and received a lot of positive feedback. So on my next three trips out, blond it was!
As I've mentioned before, I rate my "presentation" level on a percentage on any given outing.
No matter how good the pictures say I look and how good the mirror says I look the blond doesn't present as well.
Last night, I think I figured it out.
Blond's necessarily don't have more fun...but they get more attention. If I'm a blond more people look so I get more of an opportunity  to not present.
God, I sound like a statistician or a scientist! Believe me I'm not.
The bottom line is that the fun and enjoyment of being my female self is change.
So, in at least the near future, this blond will have more fun!

"Bella Maddo" Premiers!

'Bella Maddo' is a groundbreaking film that features all transgendered performers playing traditional cisgendered roles.  Skip to the "library" page for a couple of pix!

A Close Shave?

I discovered this product quite by accident when I was bargain shopping for a new razor.
A nearby box store was featuring a sale on the "Gillette" Pro Series razor. The "Pro" is one of the top of the line 5 blade super razors. For obvious reasons, I'm looking for the best shave ever.
What really set the Gillette razor apart was the small sample tube of "Thermal Face Scrub" that came with the deal.
The product is exactly what it claimed to be.  When you apply it, the scrub heats your beard and exfoliates your skin.
You get a closer shave and skin help at the same time.
It is worth a try!

New Media Transgendered Choices?

Well, at least one this season, as the teen drama ‘Degrassi’ includes a transgender storyline.  The show will mark a decade of teen problems Monday with a new season which includes its first teen  trans character.
The FTM student should aid in the understanding of our transgender culture by an  increasingly open teen age group.
No longer do we have to rely on the "Jerry Springer" sensationalism being our main media focus.
Shows such as "Degrassi" and the "Real World Brooklyn" on MTV a couple of years ago,  have opened our culture to the public in a vastly different way. In Real World,  "Kate" was the first trans person in the series history.
"Oprah Winfrey's" show on the "Prodigal Sons" movie with Kimberly Reed was also a well done look into our culture.
You may remember Kimberly (seen in the picture to your right) as the former high school star quarterback from a small town in Montana who went back to her high school for a reunion and directed a movie about the experience.
Change is slow, but realistic media coverage of our culture could propel us into the future.
Hopefully, quicker than we expected!

Candis Cayne

I could not resist sharing this photo of the beautiful actress "Candis Cayne".
Great to see a transgendered actress playing transgendered women!

Transgender Osmosis News?

I recently finished a hour long question and answer session with a graduate student working on a transgendered thesis.
As we sorted through the usual questions of when did you feel transgendered first  and how much counseling had I gone through, here came the big question- how did I make new friends as a transgendered person.
Fortunately, I could fall back on last night's experiences to answer the question.
I was having an outstanding time conversing with a cis-girlfriend of mine. At the same time we were talking to one of our regular bartenders about her day on the job and I noticed another rather attractive woman switch places with the guy she was sitting with to get next to me.
Well, I was in heaven! She started a conversation almost immediately about the different places we have seen each other.
Question answered, I made a new friend as a transgendered person by osmosis.  She had seen me around and I was interesting enough to talk to. The next step was the politics of nice.
I've mentioned before the art of communication between genders and how transgendered fits in. I call it the politics of nice.
Number one, I've learned plenty on how women talk to each other. The verbal or non verbal, the eyes and the touches all form a basis.  The icing on the cake is just being nice. I try to project that basic fact. Underneath all the window dressing, yes I'm transgendered but I am a good person that you may want to know.
I wasn't always this way.  On occasion I was bitchy and a loner. I did learn however that some women are as curious about us as we are about them.
As we talked "girl talk", being transgendered sort of just faded away and I'm gained another friend through osmosis!

So much more satisfying than be a bitch or a loner!

Got Questions?

Got email!
If you have questions or comments here is my email: "cyrstih@yahoo.com"
Please remember there is no "stupid question".
Most likely, I've already been asked anyway!
I'm also here to help!
Thanx!
Cyrsti

Invisible?

I had a great time last night with two girls (real) I went out with for some dinner and drink.
Both of them are in their mid 20's and quite attractive. My best case was to be mistaken for a mom or older sister. I didn't know the worst case was to become invisible!
We had unknowingly made plans at an upscale pub/eatery at an outdoor mall in the area. The only problem was the mall was staging a free "Gin Blossom" concert at the same time and the place was PACKED.
I know I don't present as female to all the folks all the time so I judge my success or failure on percentages. My unofficial tally was that I got busted by about 5 people out of 100. I'll take that!
As soon as we left the bar and went to our table, I stopped worrying and became invisible! My mother in law years ago had told me about something like this. My sister in law used to be really attractive and Mom said she rarely even got a glance when she was with her.  I had never experienced such a thing. After all,last night was my first time out with two young attractive women. They had several guys stop by the table to chat and they never even looked my direction! In fact one guy never looked at either one of us. He only talked to the one friend at the table.
Hell it didn't matter if I was TG, pink or green!
Actually, I'm not upset and the evening was a great success.  I was fortunate to learn another little lesson on how the "other half" lives.
I'm supposed to have another night out in a couple weeks with a couple "older" girls (real). I've been out with one before but we shall see how the "group" works!

Don't Answer Too Fast! Transgenderized Dilemma!

During another of one of my evenings out, I encountered yet another communication stumbling block.
I have been slowly building a new friendship with a  worker at one of my regular stops.
She knew, I'm sure- she was dealing with a transgendered person. (Probably for the first time ever) I was taking it slow until one of my long time friends who also works there came up and joined in the conversation. She immediately added quite a bit more info about me.
All of that was fine but all of the sudden the conversation took on a whole new dynamic.  She started talk to me as a "transgenderized" person for a second and then jumped into a real "girl on girl" discussion. I really had to not anticipate where the question was coming from.
Remember, I'm still relatively new to the one on one female conversation as it pertains to real life.  Sure I've been on the outside looking in.  Plenty of the "I love your ear-rings or hair". Now it's more of the in depth talk about guys, family and shopping.
Instead of the usual  questions of why I do what I do. (Understandable) The discussion started that way and then went girl to girl. I was really surprised!
The best part of the whole evening was she knows I'm going out tonight with two of the other female bartenders to a competing pub in an upscale mall.  She is relatively new to the area and asked a few questions about where I go.
It would be great fun to spend some time with her!

Womanless Weddings and Beauty Pageants.

I'm fascinated with the number of pix and stories showing up on the web about "womanless" beauty contests.
On our "kitchen page" I've added a couple of my favorites.
A few of the "girls" go way past the old "hey I'm a man dressed as woman" comedy skit.
While I'm not naive enough to believe this was the first time for some of the "womanless" contestants in femme.You have to wonder who helped them to toss on a dress and make up and look that stunning.
If indeed it was their first time.  Will it be their last?
Most of us know the power of seeing a beautiful girl. If you happened to be male and that is you in the mirror, how you gonna stay down on the farm?  You can see the look of love in their eyes from the audience's adoration.
Just wondering!

A Short Trip to Heaven!

Just had to share last night's experience which goes along with the new picture on the "library page". I was finishing up the holiday weekend (worked most of it) with a stop to my regular pub to watch my number one Reds.
Shortly after the game was over, one of the regular bartenders came up to me with a question. I could tell it wasn't going to be about beer or sports or fashion or makeup.  No big deal, another question concerning my "transgenderized" status.
She floored me (fortunately I was sitting down) when she shyly asked if I would join her and another one of the bartenders for a drink some night. She said "I know you like to be left alone and watch your sports, but we thought we would ask you". (About half of that is true-it's all according to who is bothering me)
I don't know who was happier when I accepted, I do know I was ecstatic!
I'm pretty sure the get together is this Thursday, so I'll have the details!

Transgenderized Confidence Game

Becoming transgenderized takes a lot of work!
In my little corner of the world the heat and humidity has returned- along with the need for cool summer fashion.
The transgenderized process becomes bigger challenge. Obviously  body hair is a priority along with foot and toe nail maintenance. No winter jeans, sweaters and boots to cover imperfections.
Fortunately, I've been able to put together some outfits that have presented well.
No matter how you present and how complete the transgenderized process becomes, you still have to exude the confidence to enjoy the process. There is nothing wrong with me!
One very good way to build your confidence is with the "sun glass" game.(Or destroy it)
Put on your best outfit and your sharpest sun glasses and head for people.  My choice was Friday about 6:30 at an outdoor upscale mall.
No big secret to the process. I could observe everyones reaction to me young and old, male and female.
Would all or none recognize I was a transgenderized person?
Friday, I'm happy to say was a huge success.  I got nothing from the public. Window shopped the mall and made my two pub stops.
The only contacts who knew my background were my regular bartenders.  Seemingly, the better I present, the more fun they have with our "secret".
When this happens to you it is the time to push your boundaries and build your confidence!
Work on your voice and interact more with others. Reach out to them!  Regular contacts will view you more as a person!
If by chance you didn't present so well go back to the drawing board! Unfortunately, trial and error has been my drawing board.
So many problems with so many looks starting with the hair. I really don't want to tell you the number of different wigs  I have accumulated!
I have one I call the "suicide" blond. I dearly love it! Streaked highlights and great volume. It's fun hair.  BUT:
If I wear it I'm way more likely to be read. I learned the hard way!
I fight a constant battle with my transgenderized self. She needs to stay within herself.
When she does the world is a much better place!