 |
| Image from Raamin Ka on Unsplash. |
One of the many reasons I kept moving towards my dream of living as a fulltime transfeminine person were the “WOW” experiences I was having.
Of course, I was a fan of the gender euphoria I experienced
when I cross dressed in front of the mirror as myself for the first time. The downside
was the buzz from the euphoria did not last that long and then I was stuck back
in the life of my unwanted male self. Deep down I knew there was much more to
what I was doing except putting on pantyhose, makeup and a dress. I just was not
ready yet to face my truth in life.
As I got older and more experienced in being a cross-dresser,
I began to separate the gender euphoria episodes with the WOW times I had on
very rare occasions. I suppose the reason was that I felt the euphoria so much
deeper in my soul that I was doing the right thing with my life. It was then,
that I began to seek out a term which described my life to me and it just
happened to co-inside with the new use of the transgender word. When I first
read about it on our new computer, I thought WOW that is me and I finally made
a discovery I could really use to feel like I was not alone.
This new thought pattern led me into the belief that I was
no longer a man dressed as a woman when I left the house, I was a trans woman
of my own experiences capped off by the TGIF Friday’s experience when I
gathered the courage to go out one night and mingle with a group of ciswomen
just getting off of work at a nearby mall. It turned out to be a first of a
kind WOW experience as I was treated fairly and even managed to put my fear
aside and stay for a second drink when I pondered the fact that my life would
never be quite the same again.
As I followed up on my Friday’s experience, my emphasis
began to be on increasing my visibility out of the gay venues and into the
straight ones. I WOW ed myself when I was able to be accepted as fast as I was
in most of the liberal places I chose to try. Such as sports bars where I could
enjoy a large beer and follow my favorite teams. No longer as a man but as a
transgender woman when everybody of any worth left me alone. The WOW was real
when I followed my basics of never causing any problems, being friendly to the
staff and tipping well. It worked for me nearly every time except when I
slipped up and tried to go to a couple redneck venues just to see if I could.
I think then, my WOW’s slowed down as I needed to slow down
my advance into the world of ciswomen because of negative pushbacks from my
male self and my wife. Both of whom did not want to see me as a woman of any type.
My male self because he did not want to lose any of the male privilege, he worked so
hard to build up, and my wife because she did not want to lose her husband. Both
were quality opponents and put up very big fights. At the time, my inner female
simply retreated and waited for her chance to live as part of my overall dream.
She had temporarily lost the battle but eventually would win the war.
In order to win the war, my feminine self-had to continue to
have the courage to carve out a totally new life as a trans woman in the
straight venues I mentioned. I had WOW moments when I was even able to
communicate effectively with men who were not intimidated by a woman who had
left the men’s club. The whole process just helped me to be a better, more
rounded person. I figured if I was starting from scratch again in life, I
better do my best to do it the right way.
I must have been successful, because I was able (with a
little help from destiny) to start a new complete life as a transfeminine
person. My biggest WOW I always mention was the small group of diverse women
friends I was able to fit into. Most were lesbians but some were not and even one
was transgender. The best part was that I was beginning to enjoy my new life
immensely and was starting to fit right in as I build in layers of living
between the new feminine me and my old male self no one ever knew. Mostly from
going to artists’ and writers’ meetups in Cincinnati as a total stranger and
sharing my ideas of writing a blog. It all helped me to establish myself as me
and help do away with the remaining shyness I had from meeting strangers.
The only real negative I had was a chance meeting with a drunk
lesbian bigot who wanted to know my “real” name. The more I attempted to ignore
her, the more she would not leave me alone until my future wife Liz came back
and ran her off. The whole negative experience happened years ago at a lesbian
Valentine’s dance in Cincinnati, but I remember her obvious dislike for me to
this day. Certainly, a negative WOW since my relationship with the lesbian community
had always been so positive.
As you can tell, my WOW experiences always came from me
stepping out of my male gender box and trying new things. Some successful, some
not but if I did not try, I would have never known how bright my future could be. My lesson
to all of you is to be careful as you follow your own gender journeys, the
world is a changing place for all of us and finding our niche is becoming harder.
Hopefully, you can stay the course and be successful.
