Coming Out Day...Again

I have been out for so long, I don't normally give much thought to the National "Coming Out Day" which was yesterday.

As I have always written about, coming out can be on very many levels. As little as cross dressing and going out on rare occasions when you are safe, all the way to living full time as a transgender woman. Both are equally as important to the overall trans cause.

Through all of this though, I had my own "coming out" experience this morning. With our changing weather and numerous errands to run this morning, I had to go my wardrobe and find an outfit which was comfortable and was designed to blend with the majority of cis women I encounter. I came up with my long sleeved Durango, Colorado railroad shirt, along with a slightly faded pair of leggings with a pair of tennis shoes.

Normally, I am not real impressed with yet another rather mundane outfit but this morning  However, today somehow was different. For once I accepted I had arrived. This was life as I hadn't really planned for but found anyway. 

The coming out process for me went something like this.  I always knew my goal was to blend. Early on I focused on professional women around me. As I progressed though, I decided I loved the "hippie" bohemian styles from my youth. Finally these days I have settled on comfort and whatever style I can afford. I love this part of the year because I can wear my soft sweaters. colorful leggings and boots.

Most importantly, I have reached a point of having confidence in my feminine appearance which accordingly has acted as a deterrent to my gender dysphoria.

Whatever coming out means to you, building confidence could be your best friend. After all, the great majority of us start so far behind cis women applying makeup and having understanding of what outfits are flattering or not. One of the major problems is battling the mirror which always tries to lie to you and going through our teenage years when we are much older. Which leads to the stereotypical mid aged cross dresser in the mall stuffed into a mini skirt and heels.

Rest assured, it is all part of the coming out process. Here's to hoping yours is coming along well too!

Give me a Head of Hair

With all respect to the "Aquarius" hippie musical, little did I know the challenges I would face as I transitioned and grew into my own hair.

The first problem I faced was not being able to see the back of my head. All of the sudden I had to learn to use a mirror to see all of my hair on my noggin. Then you have to figure out how to style it and color it to optimize your skin color. An example is, the colors of red or auburn I colored my hair were all wrong when compared with my ruddy skin color.

The second problem for me was being able to afford the process of having my hair cared for in a salon. The highlighted hair I first had done ended up costing me about 150 dollars per month, which I couldn't afford for years.

Finally, I ended up investing in my hair. I got it cut and trimmed into a new more flattering style (I hope.) And, today, I took a giant and expensive step into getting the color redone. So now. my naturally gray roots can slowly grow into and take over the rest of my hair. My appointment today cost 175 dollars (with tip) but I don't have to come back for two months for a sixty dollar appointment to get my hair trimmed up again.

Just more thing to consider, if you are thinking of transitioning and you can wear your own hair. I am fortunate I can and I never take it for granted. In fact, I look at the whole process as more than a little Karma payback for the time I spent in the Army with really short hair in an era of long hair on men.

That was then though and this is now and as my stylist and Liz were pointed out today, being a woman is not cheap! (Or easy...Connie)

I'm Out of Labels!

I am sure you all are familiar by now with Facebook's 50+ gender identification profile tags which were released several months ago.  Some liked it, some hated it but life went on. Didn't bother me greatly one way of another though I didn't care for FB's use of only two genders.  I just changed mine from female to MTF transgender woman and went on living in my own little "label" universe. During my life, I have nourished my labels like flowers here in Cyrsti's Condo, some die and go away and are replaced by new ones.

Most of the time though,  my labels are tucked away into my "who cares anyway" circular file folder. (Waste basket.) But I usually was smugly certain, my "love children" were fairly unique until I saw Alexandra Pollack's  (left) profile on Twitter: She said,  "I am a hippie, transgender, lesbian. and a Veteran of war. "

Wow! As I sat and read each label, I felt each word was like matching a winning number on a lottery ticket. ( I have never have had one.)  Each word fit me completely plus I have never seen them all together in another profile.

Maybe we transgender women and men aren't like snowflakes. There could be another one of us out there!

There is Someone in my Head

I'm an old self professed hippie
Of course one of my favorite bands has been the Moody Blues.
One of their songs has a lyric which includes the words "there is someone in my head and it's not me."
I used to believe that about my gender dysphoric self. A whole lot of booze went into trying to get that other person out of my head but she wouldn't leave.
It was refreshing to catch the song on a classic rock station I was listening to this morning.
I realized the someone in my head is me and life is so much better!